Yaplap Sings Quiet Nursery Ryhmes
It was just another regular sunny day in regular old Ponyville. Not a cloud was in sight, it was quiet, and nopony has changed.
I looked straight ahead of me. Colorful ponies, grass, houses, and the road. Also some other normal objects. Fitting for a normal day.
It was so boring just standing there. Or sitting. Or crouching. Your pick. With Queen Chrysalis gone, Nightmare Moon diminished, Discord altered, and Princess Twilicorn having two wings, it’s so peaceful. Too peaceful, even.
It’s amazing how a problem can usually be solved in one day. Or maybe even several hours. Like that last incident when those Canterlot unicorns found a pony of their kind that does not like classic. And then in a few minutes they were all like “You know what? Screw stereotyping, we’ll accept this guy with the grey coat who’s name I forgot” and everything was okay again.
I was planning to holler about for attention just for reactions when the highness herself, Princess Twilight, probably knew what I was going to do and told me that I needed a therapist or something. I told her I didn’t need one and that I control my screaming actions. And guess what? She’s telling me to go get lessons from the element of kindness, Fluttershy. I was going to punch the nearest building around me, but that’s against the law. Damaging property, they would say.
I don’t think Fluttershy is able to change me into a pony who loves to close the mouth in consideration. I mean, I’ve been doing it since I discovered I could. That’s how I got my cutie mark. Deal with it. Just look at the TVs.
I’m probably the only one who thinks the new princess is insane. I mean, instead of appreciating all the compliments that surround her, she spends her valuable time studying. Sweet Celestia, I graduated, like, a long time ago. And Twilicorn fusses over being tardy. You’re not gonna die just by being late, y'know. And she is way too intelligent to go back to - I’m pretty sure it’s called - Magic Kindergarten. I mean, have you heard of her grades? SHE GETS A FRICKIN’ A+ ON EVERY TEST. That is waaay far away from degrading as far as I know.
Now please excuse me, I have to swear.
~ * ~
I was considering ditching the princess’s request, but I was curious. What could this so-called “therapist” do to “cure” me? Only one way to find out.
I knocked on the door, and there was a bark. I couldn’t find any other sign of a pony being home. I was about to just walk away and never come back when I heard the door opening. “Oh, you must be the one Twilight was talking about,” said a quiet voice. “Please don’t scare the poodle, he doesn’t like it when others disturb him"
I stepped inside and HOLY BUCK THE PLACE IS SO CLEAN. You could practically see the shine in everything, even the poodle himself. The poodle was so shiny, in fact, I yelled at it uncontrollably. "WHYAREYOUSOSHINYWHATDIDYOUROWNERDIDTOYOUWHEREDIDYOUGETTHATCLEANFURJSFHKSHGOAIHDBIOFGAILHDLSGFLADIOUGHAIUGSUI!!!??” I probably scared the poor thing. Actually, no, let me rephrase: I probably made the poodle crash the whole place down and call nine-one-one. Prooobably.
“Oh no!” Fluttershy immediately caressed the dog. “You poor thing! Don’t worry, Cloudy, I will make you better. For now, go to sleep.” Cloudy knocked out cold and was never heard from again. If he was so sleepy, why didn’t her sleep earlier? I dunno, dogs.
Fluttershy returned her focus on me. “No wonder Twilight sent you. Time for a quiet lesson.”
~ * ~
“Now,” the yellow pegasus began, “start with your regular voice.”
I face hoofed. “I can talk like a normal pony, okay? Is it over? Great, goodbye!”
I would’ve made it out the door if Fluttershy hadn’t caught my tail. “Please stay! If I fail to teach you to be quieter, I will fail Twilight, and I can’t bear the thought of disappointing my friend!”
“Okay, fine,” I muttered. So much for ditching her.
“Let’s start with a lullaby. Do you know what a lullaby is?”
“Uh, it’s a song you have to sing quietly.”
“You’re right! And when you are singing a lullaby, you have to sing softly. Repeat after me.”
“Okay, I guess…”
“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head…”
“Hush…now…quiet now…” I was trying hard to keep at least a regular tone. The sooner I sing a whole song quiet, the sooner I’ll never have to come here again.
Fluttershy encouraged me. “That’s it, you are doing good!”
“It’s…it’s…it’s - ” I couldn’t help it. Oh, I just had to.
“HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW, IT’S TIME TA LAY YOUR SLEEP-AY HEAD
HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW, IT’S TIME TA GO TO BED!”
“Uh, that’s was-”
“DRIFTIN’
OFF TA SLEEP
LET EXCITIN’ DAY BEHIND YA!
DRIFTIN’
OFF TA SLEEP
LET THE JOY OF DREAMLAND FIND YA!”
“Thank you, um-”
“HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW
LAY YOUR SLEEPYHEAD
SAID HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW
IT’S TIME TA GO TO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!”
~ * ~
“Okay, that was good for a first try, I suppose…” Fluttershy started herding the chickens back into their coop. “I’ve tried teaching Princess Luna, but my lesson was no good, and I guess it won’t on anypony else. I’d never had to give another quiet lesson since then.”
I stated simply, “Does that mean I’m dismissed now? Okay, thank you very much! Bye-”
She pulled me back again. “Oh, pretty please? Here, I’ll give you this drink!” She gave me a bottle of…something. I didn’t know what it was. The bottle was clear and the liquid was light peach. But there was no label.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s something Apple Jack made. She gave it to me and thought I would like it.”
“And why are you giving it to me?”
“I could be generous once in a while, can’t I?”
That makes sense. Just because you aren’t the element of generosity doesn’t mean you can’t share yourself. So I did what everypony else would do.
I drank it.
~ * ~
“Hi!”
“Um, hi…”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m… -mumble-.”
“What was that?”
“I’m… -mumble-.”
“Didn’t quite catch that.”
This is what I get for being a total fool.
