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A shining light.
That was the last thing King Sombra saw before he was forcibly ejected from the seat of his empire. The pain of being shattered into a million pieces had been horrendous enough… but this?
This was completely unexpected.
“Next,” a bored looking attendant with stubby horns grumbled through the grated window, waving in King Sombra.
He had no idea for just how long he’d been sitting in this infernal waiting room – the rusty, red dirt walls with low hanging ceilings gave the area a claustrophobic sort of air. Speaking of air, the air itself was arid and hot, as if he were standing too close to a furnace. Not unbearably hot – just hot enough to be mildly uncomfortable. A bit like the low hanging ceiling, and the grating voice of the gate attendant, sitting with a bored look inside the toll booth.
Of course, that wasn’t nearly as strange a sight as what was beyond the booth.
The tiny room jutted upward quickly, expanding to reveal a massive set of double doors, dingy and grey. The doors themselves, though, were coated in bones of every sort, chains of all sizes and even had a few spikes for decoration.
Sombra was immediately reminded of the entrance to his latrine.
“I said, next!” the attendant tapped one hairy finger against his desk, glowering at the only pony in the vicinity. Sombra stared at him, slowly drawing closer.
“Er… hem.” Sombra cleared his throat, thinking heavily. “Right, I’m… just going to come right out and ask-“
“No. You’re not my type.” The short satyr replied with a deadpan, pushing a small stack of paperwork at the exiled king.
“What?” Sombra’s eyes narrowed. How dare that insolent little…
“Aren’t I supposed to be… somewhere else?” Sombra asked in confusion, sweating awkwardly.
“Lemme see.” The satyr glanced at the paperwork before him, bloodshot eyes flickering back upwards to the dark grey unicorn. “One ‘King’ Leonard J. Sombra, devourer of crystals and slaver of the Crystal Empire?”
“The one and only!” Sombra proudly announced. It was about time he received some decent recognition.
“Right.” The satyr said expressionlessly, filing away the paperwork. “Head through the double doors, down the hall and second door on the left.”
“… For what?” Sombra blinked, his green and red eyes showing a hint of confusion.
“… Did you hit your head or something on the way down here?” the satyr asked, as if Sombra were being stupid on purpose. “Get out of my face and go face your eternal punishment, already. I’m going to miss my lunch break.”
Sombra’s black heart skipped a beat.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Jeez, you really must have hit your head hard if you’ve never heard of lunch before,” the satyr grimaced as he left the booth, dragging a small lunch pail with him.
“No, no, not that!” Sombra said quickly, panicking. “What’s this about an eternal punishment?”
“Tartarus, dingbat.” The satyr waved him towards the menacing double doors. “Abandon hope, all ye blah de blah blah.” He glowered at the unicorn in a manner that belied someone who’d been doing the same thing for far too long – it was the same look Sombra occasionally elicited from his many, many slaves.
“This – that can’t be right!” Sombra stamped a hoof against the linoleum floor, attempting to magically flare his royal garments up intimidatingly. However, much to his displeasure, he found that absolutely nothing happened.
“Yeah. Neither was enslaving an entire kingdom,” the satyr said through a mouthful of dry egg salad sandwich. “Now, if you don’t hurry up and go see the Overlord yourself, you’re going to regret it.”
“Go buck yourself!” the black-maned unicorn seethed, eyes darting around in search of an exit.
He found one at the snap of the stubby tan satyr’s fingers.
The massive double doors instantly jerked open, revealing an enormous gnashing maw of razor teeth and stuff best left to nightmares.
Sombra kindly greeted this new development with a high-pitched and very brave “AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” as a sudden vacuuming feeling jerked him off his feet, and he was swallowed by the abomination lurking behind the door.
The gigantic double doors slammed shut, the bones and chains rattling grimly as the angel of death was left in silence once again.
… Now I’m bored. I hate Tuesdays.
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“Help! Asylum! Kidnapping!” Discord rattled the unbending bars of his portable cage with a loud, wailing plea. “I’m innocent! I’ve been wrongly imprisoned! I plead the fifth!”
“For Faust’s sake, will you shut up already?” one of the six beetle-like demons lugging around the prisoner groaned for the millionth time, rubbing his aching temples. Of the few draconequus he’d had the displeasure of meeting in Tartarus, this one had to be the most annoying. The beetle demon shuddered in fear as the tramped steadily forward, down endless corridors until making a sudden right turn.
Not just because it was the god of chaos they were transporting that he felt a sliver of fear – no, it was mainly because of where they were going. The Overlord had a certain… frightening presence.
“This is an injustice!” Discord bellowed, running his talons noisily across the bars horizontally and chanting in tune to the clanking. “Att-i-ca! Att-i-ca! Att-i-ca!”
“Shut up!” the six beetles shouted in unison, eliciting a grumpy raspberry from the draconequus. Without halting, they pushed onward through a glowing red doorway, into a musty passage and through a chain-link veil before finally arriving at a large wooden door. The door itself was even taller than Discord – at least four times his height.
Continuing their synchronized marching, the blue and black beetles entered a massive antechamber. For everything the god of chaos had ever seen, this place wasn’t one he wanted to see again.
The walls were lined with steel spikes, and each and every one of them held some kind of skull on the end. Pony skulls, griffon skulls, changeling skulls, bear skulls, human skulls – every single one of them sparkling white and cleaned with a shine.
And alphabetically organized.
“My, what a lovely room of death,” Discord said sardonically as they entered, and he was dropped with an oomph! by his carriers, all of which swiftly scuttled away. Then again, even if it weren’t for the terrifying creature at the far end of the room, nobody would have wanted to stay, anyway.
Discord watched in mild amusement as his cage was magically dragged forward, grating across the floor loudly toward the surprisingly plain looking velvet throne. The bulbous satyr sitting in the throne, however, captured his attention fully.
“Yo!” Discord said in a mock-cheerful fashion, waving at the gigantic being, clearly five or six times his own height. “I see you got the new door put in! How’ve you been, Stan?”
Stan, the massive satyr with an equally large and sharp looking battle axe strapped to his back, held aloft a very terrified looking charcoal grey unicorn by the broken horn in two fingers as he reclined on the throne.
“Oh, you know,” he replied good-naturedly with a rumbling voice like thunder, as if discussing the weather over the sound of King Sombra’s horrified screaming. “Same stuff, different day. Extra paperwork at the office, the wife and kids are doing HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK, DISCORD!?”
The cage was instantly bowled over the force of Stan’s shout, and Discord could have sworn he heard his ears pop as it was magically realigned. Sombra’s added screaming sounded pretty pitiful in comparison to the booming shout of Stan. Narrowing his dinner-plate sized eyes, Stan dropped the unicorn and glared at the draconequus.
“Look, Stan-Man!” Discord shuffled apprehensively, desperately wishing he were in control of any of his power. “I really didn’t know that was your wife – I mean, it looked like an average rhubarb pie…!”
“I SHOULD STOMP YOU FLAT AGAIN FOR THE THERAPY BILLS MY WIFE IS STILL PAYING FOR!” the satyr bellowed, and a couple of rocks fell free from the ceiling. Sombra was now curled up into the fetal position, whimpering pathetically.
Big kings don’t cry. Big kings don’t cry!
“Y-you wouldn’t want to do that,” Discord chuckled nervously. “Come on… ol’ buddy!” he gave Stan his best winning smile, along with what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up. “Imagine how bored you’d be without ol’ Discord around to liven things up a bit, eh?”
“I would gladly face an eternity without you, god of chaos,” Stan deadpanned, looking down at the shaking Sombra. He shifted in the throne suddenly, listening.
“… Stan.”
The enormous satyr froze, eye’s widening.
The source of the voice echoed throughout the room with ease, even though it was barely above a whisper. Even Sombra stopped his pitiful cowering long enough to glimpse at whoever had managed to… frighten the satyr?
Indeed, Stan was practically quivering in his gigantic spiked boots.
“S-s-sir?” Stan said suddenly, almost leaping out of the throne. “I-I-I-I was, I was, just-just, uh… keeping your throne warm for you, Mister Overlord, Sir!” The satyr was almost tripping over himself with his bowing, making way for the tiny white rabbit.
“Yes,” Angel the rabbit said dryly. “because keeping anything warm here is always such a chore.”
“… What.” Sombra stared in a mixture of shock and disbelief at the rabbit, his quivering ending instantly as Stan’s began.
Even Discord looked a little put off.
“You… you’ve, uh… lost weight?” Discord smiled hopefully at the rabbit, desperately trying not to look afraid of the Overlord of Tartarus.
“Hello again, Discord.” Angel deadpanned, staring directly at the draconequus as he made himself comfortable on the throne. The moment he did so, the plain-looking throne seemed to shift and ripple, as great jagged shards of bone and chains began oozing out the sides and the seat became moderately softer. “What did you do this time?”
“Nothing!” Discord said quickly from within his prison. “I mean, almost nothing. I mean-“
“Let me guess. Another attempt at eternal chaos,” the rabbit deadpanned, and Discord gave a guilty grin.
“You’re the Overlord,” Sombra spluttered finally, blinking again and again.
“Correct.” Angel replied promptly. “Now, kindly shut up. I’m in the middle of a judgment here.”
Offended, Sombra drew himself to his full height. Stan, however, slowly began backing away. “Nopony tells me to be silent! Do you have any idea who I am?”
It was silent in the room for a long moment, before angel snapped one of his paws at him.
Springs of sickly colored green rings instantly wound their way around Sombra’s muzzle, legs, and neck, swiftly dragging him to the floor.
“Yes.” Angel said simply, before turning his attention back to Discord. The draconequus, however, was no longer within his prison.
With a little sigh, Angel snapped once again and Discord rose into the air from behind a surprised Stan with several rings of green light, wrapping themselves around his body.
With a weak chortle, Discord shrugged. “I, uh… was going to miss my dentist’s appointment? Uh, heh heh.”
Angel did not find him amusing.
“I do not find you amusing.”
See? Told you so.
“Wait, wait, wait!” Discord pleaded suddenly as Angel summoned a miniature ball of flame in the palm of his paw. “You’re not going to kill me, are you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Angel rolled his eyes, levitating Sombra beside the draconequus. “What would be the point of sparing you an eternal torment? Hmm?” he asked sadistically, a wicked grin curling up his face.
“Mprhm fligle mrphl mph!” Sombra struggled against his magic bond, flailing about in midair.
“I agree with him!” Discord pointed at the unicorn. “I’m far too pretty to sentence to all eternity of pain!”
Sombra stopped wriggling long enough to shoot the draconequus a filthy glare.
Angel’s brow furrowed for a moment, and the whirling red ball of suffering in his paw quickly winked out as a thought occurred to him.
“… You’re right,” he said slowly. “Not about the pretty thing.”
Discord’s head drooped sadly.
“No, I have a better idea.” Angel paced back and forth on his monstrous throne, scratching his chin as he entertained an idea. What better form of torture could any possibly imagine than this one?
“Is it ‘send Discord back to Equestria,’ maybe?” Discord asked hopefully.
“Absolutely.”
Silence reigned once again.
“… Fligle pfhilfh?”
“Seriously?” the god of chaos blinked, a little caught off guard.
“Sure, why not?” Angel shrugged. “It gets boring down here, believe it or not. Come now, old chum. I’m certain you know what it’s like to get a little bored.”
True, Discord knew the feeling well. It was the bane of his existence.
Turning his head to Sombra, Angel asked “Would you like to leave as well?”
Nodding enthusiastically, Sombra’s black heart rose at the prospect of escaping Tartarus. But there had to be a catch… surely, there would be?
“If you can find the exit.”
Ohhhh, there it is.
Discord scoffed, grappling the green rings of light imprisoning him and slowly twirling ballet-style around in the air. “Is that all?”
“Along with ‘Leonard’ here,” the Overlord grinned.
“Easy peasy.”
“And you have to do it starting from the lowest pits of Tartarus.”
“Oh, now that’s just not fair!” Discord whined, giving Angel a look befitting of an injured kitten.
“Do you want out?” Angel tapped a foot against the seat of the throne impatiently, and Sombra could have sworn he saw a tormented equine face silently screaming back at him before it evaporated.
Sombra began nodding violently, head whipping up and down in his eagerness to leave this dreadful place.
“What’s the catch?” Discord asked wryly.
“You also have to do it by sundown.” Angel produced a large golden watch from behind his back, baffling the unicorn as to how he did it. “Which is in about… eight hours.”
“Plenty of time,” Discord bragged.
“Oh, good,” Angel’s sadistic smile returned in full. “Then you won’t mind if I cut it down to seven?”
“Not at all!”
Sombra began thrashing viciously, attempting to shut the draconequus up before they were forced to flee with only ten seconds to spare.
“Six, then.”
“FMLFILFL PHIFFLE RIFF FLIGGLE PHIFF!”
Discord cocked an eyebrow at the struggling unicorn. “Would you mind leaving your mother out of this?”
The scream of rage leaving Sombra wasn’t so much of a yell as it was a high-pitched whistle.
“Right-o!” the Overlord of Tartarus clapped his tiny white paws together, causing the golden watch to vanish. “Five hours it is, then!”
Discord began to respond, only to be repeatedly kicked by Sombra.
And with that, a whirling violet fog billowed forth from the ground and swallowed the pair whole.
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