Enraptured by intimacy and sin
Enraptured by intimacy and sin
The Element of Kindness, the gentle, caring Fluttershy, worshiper and servant of Princess Luna, Goddess of the Night sky, the moon and dreams and co-ruler of Equestria silently opened her medicine cabinet that rested above her sink as she briefly looks into the mirror at her appearance, ignoring her disheveled, unkempt mane and fur as she yawns.
Having woke up no less than twenty minutes ago, taking a quick shower before opening the cabinet wider, grabbing a small orange bottle which read “Adapin” -also known as Doxepin.
A drug which treated depression, anxiety, and sleep disorder, though in all honesty it did little for the grown mare, if anything, it was more of a represent for her furthering darker thoughts.
She opened the bottle with a turn of her right hoof and brought out two of the pills, prescribed by Nurse Redheart herself when Fluttershy requested them three weeks ago, placing them on the while marble of her sink as she lapped them up like a dog, swallowing with a grimace.
She turned on the water to soothe her dry throat and sighed heavily, grunting as she had forgotten that she had a white plastic cup for rinsing her mouth out near the edge of her sink.
Blinking, she recapped the bottle, places it back where it resided before and looked once more at her appearance with a blank stare before grabbing a purple brush that laid on her sink with her tail and then began to brushed her mane.
Ignoring her tail, she placed the brush back on the sink and turned off the water she had forgotten was still on. Trotting out of her private bathroom passing through her bed room then down the stairs to start the day's routine.
Fluttershy is currently twenty seven years old, able to buy a pack of cigarettes at the age of sixteen, to gamble and drink at eighteen. Now she is well past the age of showing the proper identification.
With a small sigh she walked into her kitchen, her tail dragging onto the ground as her pet rabbit Angel Bunny, noticing his owner had finally arose from her slumber, making the impatience mammal hop in front of her with an irritated glare as she only offered a small smile but spoke no words or apology. She was in no mood for the bunny’s temper tantrum today.
Normally she would make sure to take care and feed her animals breakfast before herself but today she felt the need to serve her own hunger and cravings first, as was custom to her daily ritual.
She turned on her coffee maker, making sure to check that the bag grounds was full and the paper cup was empty before pouring fresh grounds and washing out the pot, placing it back, she turned on the coffee maker then waited for the coffee to start brewing.
Sitting down on a chair at her dining room table she quietly munched on a green apple that she had taken from the refrigerator then took out a lone cigarette from her pack of Diseased Stallion cigarettes that rested beside her on the table.
Breaking off a match from the book, striking it on the table with her tail, igniting the tip then inhaled the much needed nicotine deeply before exhaling the gray smoke, ignoring her apple, she placed her head on the red oak table and covered her head with her hooves giving a snort.
She did not understand why she never noticed how bland her life really was, how dull and repetitive it seemed to her until Rainbow Dash had commented to her when they had gone for a morning flight three days ago.
Fluttershy was getting faster, knowing it, but Rainbow Dash was too arrogant to admit it, though her eyes shined with admiration for the mare.
“You never do anything all that exciting, do you, Shy?” the Element of Loyalty had spoken with a sense of uncaring in her tone; almost casual to her pink maned friend who was caught off guard by the sudden assault of what seemed like a curious observation, but it still irked Fluttershy as to why her friend would think such of her.
“I don’t know what you mean Dash. My life is plenty exciting. What with all my new animal friends to take care of. The poor dears would have a hard life without me and caring for them and their well-being is of the utmost importance to me. You know that. Why my life would no doubt be very ordinary without them, that’s for sure.” She answered as the sky blue Pegasus shrugged nonchalantly and flew ahead.
The response seeming to satisfy Rainbow Dash, either that or she just let the matter drop entirely while Fluttershy smiled and allowed their joyous flight to continue without another word spoken between the two, but Dash’s words still reverberated in Fluttershy’s skull. She could not let the matter go.
She thought long and hard taking Rainbow Dash’s words to heart, seriously looking at the question at hoof which was why she was taking care of her own needs first for a change this morning as she took another bite of her breakfast.
Taking a large inhale of her tobacco taking her cancer causing stick in her tail and tapped the ashes immobilized on the cigarette into a blue ashtray before her then placing it back into her mouth not even realizing her coffee was already done as she took three rapid and large bites of her apple, licking the juice that dribbled down her chin before she wiped away the remaining with a hoof and swallowed.
Snapping her out of her thoughts which made her stand and trot to the powerful smelling brew breathing in calmly with a happy sigh and discarded the apple core she had gotten done eating moments ago.
Grabbing a plain green glass from her kitchen cabinet above, pouring the liquid carefully with her hooves; avoiding to drop her cigarette in to the glass as she did a time before and grew upset for it was the last one in the pack. Forced, she had to go buy a new one; them being five bits per pack or fifty bits per carton.
Expensive but worth it if it would help her not be so stressed out and calm her anxiety, plus she enjoyed the flavor and odor to some degree.
Taking the handle slowly with her right wing, she walks back to her seat and took one last inhale of her cigarette before extinguishing it in the ashtray then blew the smoke out her nostrils - something she learned from Derpy Hooves a year before when she first started her disgusting, bits wasting habit, but anypony could say whatever they wished: she was a grown mare.
Taking care to blow away the steam from the fresh cup taking a sip and immediately winced in pain, forgetting every time how hot coffee truly was. Her friends - namely Rainbow Dash- thought it was nasty how she drank her coffee just plain, though Fluttershy did not care in the least. It’s what she enjoyed, though she did not mind hearing other suggestions as well. Like adding peppermint cream to enhance flavor provided by her dear friend Twilight Sparkle, or even a bit of cinnamon as Pinkie Pie once suggested.
Though the last thing any creature thought Pinkie Pie would need was coffee due to her already hyper personality.
With a roll of her eyes and small smirk, Fluttershy chuckled at the thought of her friend having any type of coffee before looking around her cottage and watching her animal friends wake to Princess Celestia’s ( the Goddess of the Sun) rejuvenating rays, making them active and eager to start a day of playing and chatting amongst themselves.
Finishing her coffee, Fluttershy set out with her task of feeding and - as she said to Rainbow Dash before- caring for her friend’s well-being, which was not as easy as it seemed to ponies not trained in their duties as a veterinarian whom Fluttershy herself took much pride in. Not that it did her much good with a lack of confidence as she walked into her living room and sat on her green colored couch.
She had gotten her official license at the age of twenty one. It took a while for her to come up with the bits for collage as well as a set schedule to work between classes and her normal life, luckily her status as one of the Elements of Harmony had given her some benefits such as allowing her to choose her own hours, as long as she arrived on time, of course.
With a few gem stones from Spike she had borrowed. She earned her degree through hard work and determination, though she wondered now where that passion and drive for her goals had gone.
It seemed that all she did now and days was take care of her animal friends, smoke, eat and sleep, and of course be with her pony friends when they had the time.
Could Rainbow Dash be right in the sense that I really don’t have much going on for my life….is my life now only a pattern with no real….direction? She thought nagging at her like a thorn caught in her fur which would not relinquish its hold as she shook her head to clear her troubling woes.
“Maybe it’s time I started dating again.” The mare spoke to herself slowly wondering if romance was the key to free her from this boring and mundane lifestyle, but then she remembered the last time she tried to court a stallion.
Big Macintosh to be precise and how horribly the date had been Such as when she spilled her red wine all over the front of her aqua colored dress Rarity had made for her, embarrassing her to no end, or when she has tried to be cute and take one lone noddle from her pasta covered in thick, creamy mushroom sauce for Big Mac to take only for her left hoof to slip when she reached over and her face to be planted completely in the sauce making her almost cry.
She would have at least had a chance to salvage some of her dignity when her date came to comfort her as she rushed out the door in tears, the two cuddling under the moonlit night sky as Fluttershy thanked Luna for a blessed night and the two close to kissing which would have been a wonderful way to end the night, if anything…but then Peewee, Spike’s pet phoenix had released his bowels all over Fluttershy’s back on accident during his midnight flight.
Needless to say, she was absolutely mortified as she flew all the way to her house without a second glance back leaving poor Macintosh by his lonesome and pitied the mare for her cursed fortune that night.
He would have given her a second chance, for none of what had happened was entirely her fault, but then Cheerliee, his ex-marefriend wanted another shot of what they once had.
As much as he cared for Fluttershy the two just did not match as much as he did with Cheerliee, so after apologizing to Fluttershy for the really bad date, the two decided to just remain friends, which they did.
Though a week or so after is when Fluttershy took up the habit of smoking cigarettes from both Spike and Derpy, choosing to just take care of herself and animal friends for now which worked well, even if she gotten lonely once in a while, and the date had been a year ago.
Being such a long time, the mare shook her head to get rid of the worse night of her life and think on the positive, such as at least she was able to get Big Macintosh and Cheerliee back together, and from what she heard from Rarity, the two were even to be engaged soon, though that seemed like just a rumor to Fluttershy.
Rarity, the Element of Generosity and the “Sophisticated Element” as Fancy Pants, the designer’s ex-stallion friend once called her was Fluttershy’s best friend, well…perhaps even more in her mind at least.
Not that Fluttershy minded being with a stallion but there was something taboo about being with a mare that just made her heart race, even though the law had been passed for two creatures of the same gender to be romantic partners. It still felt…strange to Fluttershy to even consider herself a bisexual in any regard.
Though she honestly had no idea what her friends thought of the lifestyle that some mares have. Shared with others of their gender, she knew that Pinkie Pie accepted everypony equally and that she was bisexual herself.
She also knew that Twilight was of the same mindset and that Rainbow Dash herself preferred stallions, though having nothing against mares.
But Fluttershy also knew that Applejack had been raised on the traditional thought process that the Gods had meant for only stallions and mares to be wedded, not ponies of the same sex and therefore preferred stallions, and even though she told her friends that she did not judge, she had to keep up physical appearances and personal options in front of the family.
For Rarity though, it was a strange, shrouded mystery to Fluttershy, and it annoyed her that she did not know of what sexual thrill Rarity had in that jumbled head of hers, of what logical way of thinking she had for homosexuals or for a lack of better term. Of which way she swung in the heat of passion which confused the mare.
Was it possible for Rarity to be attracted to Fluttershy in the romantic sense? For their friendship to blossom into love or fall into ruin because of Fluttershy’s forbidden, lustful thoughts for the mare?
Would the Gods, Princess Luna to be specific, even approve of two of the Elements of Harmony. Wielders of the ancient jewels or rather weapons that could defend Equestria. Her tranquil country and imprison extremely powerful beings to even be romantically paired. Was it even allowed?
All of this thinking of complicated romance was starting to overwhelm the poor mare. She needed another cigarette, more importantly; she needed to stop repressing this possible affection for Rarity that she had stored within herself making her agitated, more so than she was willing to admit.
Snorting through her nose, Fluttershy leaned farther to the right in order to get her body off her couch then slowly trotted towards her kitchen table, getting out another lung destroying tobacco roll and placing it in her mouth, lighting the tip once more with a match wrapped around her tail as she inhaled it deeply before exhaling out the side of her mouth.
Thankful for the nicotine it provided, for a time. Sighing, Fluttershy then turned and saw Angel looking at her with a worried expression as she only smiled and nodded, ready to share her honest feelings with her best friend, hoping she returned her feelings and was praying not to be so hurt if she did not. It was simply a matter of option and one’s verbal conversion is all.
With a skip in her step, she opened her front door, eager to be on her way as her animal friends waved goodbye and cheering her on making her even more ready to meet the mare who had captured her heart.
Galloping now, she rushed by the scenery of trees and vegetation around her field of vision, dodging Colgate whose real name was Minuette, Ponyville’s lone dentist and dear friend to Fluttershy herself by a few inches as the blue coated mare merely gasped in surprise by the sudden assault of wind barely hearing Fluttershy’s mumbled and sincere apology, causing her to smile and laugh before going about her business.
Noticing the butter furred mare zooming past other unfortunate ponies in her path, some not even catching sight of the mare’s long pink tail.
Fluttershy’s cigarette in her mouth had nearly fallen to the dirt below at least four times during her rush, but she held onto it like it was her life preserver. She needed it before pouring her heart out to the fashion unicorn herself.
Finally arriving at her destination of the Carousel Boutique. Panting by the steps, she caught her breath, winded by her sudden need to come in a hurry and stupidly forgetting that she had wings, making her wanting to kick herself, if she could.
With a last large inhale of tobacco then exhaling the gray smoke out her nostrils then spat it on the ground, stomping out the still glowing embers and kicking it away with a hoof, knowing how much Rarity despised the revolting habit for which she would gladly give up, if Rarity accepted and acknowledged her feelings for her, though it would take some time due to the withdraw of fully going cold turkey on such a habit.
Taking a large breath of oxygen and letting it out slowly as she takes her first step on the small stairs towards the shop. Before walking up the last two and getting whacked upside the head by nerves of doubt and fear, making her question herself of how she would even speak to what really mattered to her.
Wondering if she had made the right decision and if the mare even knew that Fluttershy had been in love with her since they had defeated King Sombra, rescuing the Crystal Empire and the ponies from their imprisonment years ago.
Though the ones who actually saved them had been Princess Cadence (the Crystal Princess and Goddess of Love) and Spike the dragon -or rather the Crystal Savior as he had been granted the title by the distinctive looking ponies.
Fluttershy and her friends, Twilight even more so, were allowed to take some credit for themselves. Regardless, Fluttershy has had her emotions sealed tight for such a long time, now was the time to set them free and to lay her heart on the line for Rarity to judge, as if she was a Goddess herself, Fluttershy’s Goddess to be exact.
Wanting herself to lay everything and be accepted like a confession holding that exciting relief coursing through her, or the fear of rejection looming in the back of her head that paralyzes courage.
Taking one last moment to collect her thoughts, she closed her eyes praying to Princess Luna that her actions were not in vain. Silently opening the door, hearing Rarity loudly welcoming what she suspected to be a customer as Fluttershy noticed the former Cutie Mark Crusaders: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sitting at the dining room table with spreads of paper around them while they all have bored looks on their faces making Fluttershy chuckle softly as they took no notice of her.
Seeing their different forms of Cutie Marks that was proudly displayed on their flanks that embodied each individual's trait, skill and personality.
The now legal mares kept passing different worded letters around as if it was an enormous secret, but Fluttershy knew it was no concern of her own, even though she was able to catch snips of their conversion such as bars, or strip joints, making the butter furred mare nervous that they would do something dangerous...again.
Since the three with their other former members, Babs Seed, Dinky Doo, Rumble, Pipsqueak and Spike- though the dragon was not a pony and therefore couldn't gain a Cutie Mark- had turned eighteen they were now able to do more adult actives.
Fluttershy, knowing from experience that their ‘fun’ often got them into serious legal trouble. Getting Scootaloo arrested twice and Apple Bloom almost overdosing from drugs they had gotten from Pinkie Pie, though Celestia knows where she got them herself, at least once in their short years of life.
Sweetie Belle was careful to stay out of trouble unlike her friends for she had her musical career to consider, though that was not to say she has not come home to Rarity drunk at least twice or more if from what Fluttershy heard from Rarity was correct. Word and mouth are prone to exaggerations.
Shaking her head to keep her mind off something that was not her business, Fluttershy called out loudly to Rarity, hoping to get to her serious topic at hoof as soon as possible, which unfortunately caught the attention of the three young mares.
“Fluttershy!” they called out in unison, making the mare wince, not wanting to involve herself in their schemes like before where she had attended the three, plus Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Derpy to a night at the club for a chance to have a drink or two with some idle gossip.
The hopeful, relaxing atmosphere was ended horribly and abruptly as Scootaloo and Derpy got into a bar fight with Silver Spoon and Roseluck. Rainbow Dash only made matters worse when she punched Lyra Heartstrings in the snout on accident due to her drunken stupor which then caused almost all the ponies in the small establishment to brawl as rough as their drunken minds would allow.
All for Rarity and Fluttershy of course who dodged flailing hooves and hard but drunken blows. All four mares, including Rainbow Dash and by extension Lyra was arrested that night and banned from the bar, making Fluttershy afraid for her life that they had wanted to include her in anything, for that night was only one month ago.
Shielding her face in her long mane, she braced herself for the barrage of questionable chatter for ‘hanging out’ as Pinkie Pie had so directly put it and was prepared to say the simple word of “no”, which eluded her for years on end making her want to slap herself as the three paused and spoke all at once making their voices overlap before a shrill of anger halted them in their words mid-sentence.
“I told you three, Fluttershy and I shall not be participating in any of your hair brained antis any longer. Now be off with you, go bother somepony else!” Rarity shouted from the floor above causing all three mares to yelp and gallop as fast as their hooves would allow them towards the front door.
Fluttershy, catching the small comment of Scootaloo calling Rarity a bitch and a shout of pain as Sweetie Belle smacked her upside the head with her tail, making the mare roll her eyes as the door slammed shut.
All was quiet, not even a small meow from Rarity’s cat Opalescence was heard from around the shop – now doubled in space- making the animal loving pony wonder if Opal is outside.
Shaking her head, Fluttershy refocuses and calls out for Rarity once more, hearing trotting from upstairs as the white coated unicorn herself came down and saw her dear friend who she so adorably admired with a gentle smile.
“Fluttershy, darling it’s such a pleasant surprise to see you here! It’s been quite a while since we had a chance to gather and talk. What can I do for you?” The mare’s unique accent and humble words almost put Fluttershy at ease, making the Pegasus mentally able to finally tell Rarity of her confusing emotions laying her heart out before her to be judged.
Fluttershy takes in a deep breath, gaining the courage for what begs to spill out from her lips. Wondering if the unicorn stood on homosexuality, but the more she held the thought, the more it plays games with her mind as she decided she did not want to beat around the bush anymore.
“Rarity?” Fluttershy shyly asked staring at the unicorn “What do you think of lesbians?” Fluttershy asked delicately, wincing out of habit as the mare who was slowly looking over her newer deigns quickly turned her head and widen her eyes in shock.
“Fluttershy, did you seriously just ask me for my option on those…gene destroying monsters? You should know my dear how much I despise mares who decide to hoof over their heart to their own gender, didn’t you know that if all mares become…those barbaric creatures, then our race will cease to exist.
It’s because of such labels as Coltcuddlers and Fillyfriends that is forcing our species as ponies to decline, Celestia and the other Gods intended on a mare and stallion ALONE to be together in marriage or even more realistically, in their beds.
Though, I will not argue with you about our friends’ decisions. Their choices are their own, but honestly, what would it accomplish if mares only went to other mares, or stallions to other stallions?
I love our friends dearly and in my eyes Rainbow Dash and Applejack have made the appropriate choice in their selection of partners, but for Pinkie Pie and Twilight just to have mixed reactions on whether they want to be with a stallion or mare makes me visibly aghast.
They should be ashamed of themselves for thinking in such a matter and it breaks my heart to see them want to go after a pony of their own sex.” Rarity took a long, deep breath, visibly panting from her outburst, enraged and offended to even be asked about such a topic that always made her riled up.
Fluttershy eyes widen in disbelief never knowing Rarity had such a strong objection on mares that were romantically attracted to others of their gender. Even still, she was stubborn in the fact that she could get Rarity to change her mind, though she did make a point that with so many females loving other females it would do nothing to repopulate their race, but not all mares only wanted to be with mares.
Some were like Pinkie Pie and wanted both sexes, still some were like Rarity and only felt, in a cruel, undaunted matter that a mares should feel pressured in only wanting to be with a stallion which Fluttershy felt was unfair for a pony’s personal lifestyle.
“Rarity, what…what if I told you that a mare loved you…in a romantic sense? Would that make you consider changing your firm beliefs on the subject?” She asked calmly, praying that the mare would at least think about it long and hard, or at least not make her sound so harsh in her answer.
“Never, for a mare to fall in love for me makes me sick to my stomach! To even think about such an awful idea and if it were to get publicly revealed it would RUIN me! The mere thought of such a horrendous scandalous proposal towards me from any female creature makes my blood boil and if I was not such a refined, sophisticated lady I would kick their teeth in.
What in Equestria dare makes you think-” she paused, blinking in horror and taking a simple step back as she looked at her oldest friend in a new light, never noticing any of the hints over the years they known one another for the mare to ever have thoughts of romance towards her.
“You love me.” The unicorn spat in disgust and scrunched her face as if she just ate a lemon on accident, her tail waving behind her wildly in disbelief as Fluttershy with tears in the corner of her eyes nodded, not caring if she humiliated herself even further and awaiting the mare she loved to unleash her aggressive disgust on her in response, as she promised.
“How….how did this even come to past?” The unicorn questioned. “WHY would you even have it in your thick skull that….I? Fluttershy, you are nothing more than a sister to me, one of my oldest friends. It is not proper, right, pure or even remotely amusing! It is a degrading, sick, twisted form of lust that drives you to act on this sinful urge.
I will implore you, once and only once my dear, so listen closely for I shall not repeat myself! Whatever thought you have of us being romantic partners is here by disconnected. Let there be no doubt in your mind now that we shall ever be anything more than friends, EVER!
I do not have thoughts of sexual visualizations towards you, I do not wish we were in another dimension and were in love. I do not even have thoughts of holding your hoof in any matter other than friendship. To be frank Fluttershy, so that we shall never have this conservation again.
I do NOT, nor shall I EVER love you! At least not in a romantic sense, I hope that is clearly understood and that you shall not try to even form a rebuttal to my course of verbal action, for I am not your paramour and I never will be.” She shouted her final words; her tone in her speech was as cold as ice, leaving not a single spark of doubt in them and utterly obliterates any bridge, road, path or even stream for the two to be more then friends.
Rarity truly was disgusted by the fact that Fluttershy loved her, and it tore her heart to shreds. No, more than shreds, for shreds could be picked up and pieced back together again. Her feelings that were carelessly burnt to the wind no chance of ever forming back into its original shape.
She felt her entire being quake in response to the unicorns harsh, but honest answer. It was as clear as the sun that shone on a cloudless day, there was to be no romantic future for Fluttershy and Rarity in this lifetime and it crushed Fluttershy’s soul to her very core.
With thick, slow moisture running down her face, Fluttershy turned her head and closed her eyes, dreaded that she had poured her heart to the mare and had it pulverize, no doubt kicking dirt on it as she trotted on her way without a second thought.
She could not be seen in front of the white coated mare. Her shame and fear was too much for her to bare and without a second’s hesitation, she turned and ran out of the shop, ignoring Rarity’s call for her to come back and give her a chance to explain for her furious tone, for the mare to find redemption in her friend and still remain as sisters even though there could be no hope of a future for them. But Fluttershy was having none of it.
Fluttershy galloped as fast as her legs would carry her, disregarding the need to stop and inhale fresh oxygen for her lungs and rest her aching muscles. She was forced to stop once she could no longer able to breath, just pant as sweat began to trickle down her exhausted face trying to block Rarity's voice from her mind, not wanting to be remembered as a 'gene destroying monster', according to the fashionista.
After a few more minutes of collecting her bearings, the Pegasus then stood from the ground and sighed loudly then began dragging her hooves to some random destination in order to derail her thoughts of what had just come to past just moments ago.
With a shake of her head, Fluttershy swallowed the spittle in her throat wondering if she could get a drink of water from a friend’s house, but she knew that she needed more than that in order to halt her haunting thoughts of serious depression that now overwhelmed her like a tidal wave of spite and scorn. She needed a cigarette or in this rare case which now counted more than anything to the mare: Alcohol.
Snorting through her nostrils, she then looked before her, coming to a familiar house she had often came to for poker games and a couple drinks with some friends or when she had to drag the mare home when she became intoxicated. The home of Derpy Hooves.
Sighing loudly then proceeding to trot to the front porch, knocking on the red wooden door the mare jumped back in surprise as it swung open less than a minute later, Dinky Doo, former Cutie Mark Crusader and daughter of Derpy Hooves had bags under her eyes and yawned, not expecting to see a visitor today of all days.
“Fluttershy, what are you doing here? It’s,” The light gray furred young mare glanced at the clock above her before drawing her attention back to her guest “Six o’ clock at night, thought you’d be at home or something.” She spoke quietly with another yawn as the mare before her blinked, not realizing it was so late but she needed to see Derpy, it was important. With the entire emotional trauma she had now.
With a roll of her eyes, Dinky turned around and shouted to her mother that Fluttershy needed to see her, causing the mare to frown at her angered tone.
She lifted a hoof, intent on explaining her reason as the young mare walked back into the house before jumping back in shock as the door was violently swung open all the way with Derpy Hooves herself standing with a cigarette in her mouth scowling at the Pegasus holding a blank glare before sneezing and shaking her head with a sniff.
“The buck you want, Shy?” Derpy growled. Fluttershy knew for a fact that Derpy always had disdain for her but she had never seen her so annoyed and even more so by a pony she used to call friend which made it all the more uncomfortable.
“Well, um, hello Derpy, how are you tonight? I was wondering if you don’t mind me borrowing a cigarette for tonight, I just had a very rough day, um night and really need a stress reliever-”
“You want a damn stress reliever? Go get bucked by a nice stallion dick, bitch! Stop wasting my bucking time, this is my last smoke I got and I’m sure as Tartarus not sharing it with you. And. where’s my seventy five bits you owe me, animal lover?” She spat with such anger it caused Fluttershy to take a step back, intimated by the mare.
“Oh, oh, right. The money I owe you for the poker game we had on-”
“It’s been two weeks Shy, and I’m not a patient mare when ponies owe me money. Rainbow Dash, Spike and Vinyl Scratch all paid their dues after the game, yet you kept on making some bullshit excuse of not having it, I WANT MY BUCKING BITS, FLUTTERSHY!” She screamed in the mare’s face, her tobacco near the very edge of her lips, threatening to fall to the ground before she quickly closed her mouth and glared at the Pegasus.
“I, I’m sorry! I promise to get you your bits, it’s just been a tough week with bills and caring for my animal’s needs, food, electricity, and rent that it must have slipped my mind-” Her voice was silenced instantly as Derpy took a step towards her, narrowing her crossed eyes with a glare that could make a grown stallion wet himself as Fluttershy squeaked and almost relieved herself that very moment but kept her bladder in check.
“Get me my damn bits by Friday, or else I’ll coming over and kicking your bucking ass, Shy!” Derpy threatened with a raised hoof near Fluttershy’s face as she widens her eyes and shivered.
“B…but that’s only three days away, please, Ditzy-”
“Don’t you BUCKING call me by that name!,” she roared into Fluttershy’s face as she tried to take a step back in fright slipping on a rock and skidded onto her left hip.
Wincing as pain registered in her brain while Derpy was ignoring her to take another drag of the cigarette and exhaling the gray smoke out her nose.
“Think I give a shit? You got three days, Element of Kindness, no more and no less, get me my bits. Damn, Shy, you used to be a really good friend of mine in Flight School, but since you grew up you seemed to turn a cold shoulder on me.
Alright, I hear you, want to be a grown up and be in your big horseshoes now? Then get me my money, bitch! Now get the buck out of my face before I flatten your muzzle!” Derpy whispered into the mare’s left ear before turning around without another word, slapping her long blond tail hard at Fluttershy’s face. She held a hoof to her bruised cheek, tears once more trying to form but she held her resolve.
As the door slammed shut, Fluttershy heard Derpy screaming at her daughter to not to open the door for ponies who are not welcomed, making her lower her head in shame.
She had to admit that despite the harsh treatment she had been given by her former friend, the mare did have a point. The two had known one another even longer than Fluttershy has known Rainbow Dash.
Being with Derpy since grade school, but as they grew up they started to keep secrets from each other. Lying as they tried to have more courage to become ‘popular’ and when it back fired on both of them, they withdrew from all other ponies, even each other.
As Flight School came around, they started to hang out less and less. Forgetting facts they had known for a long time, though Derpy had a big crush on her as they went into ninth grade and beyond, Derpy once asked her out to which she had to turn down, for she was frighten that she would be tormented and mocked by her peers for being with a mare, they fell out of their friendship, getting into a large fight and breaking their relationship as Derpy accused Fluttershy on cheating on her with Rainbow Dash.
Though it was not true, they had drifted from one another and it ended their friendship for a real long time, Fluttershy never having the heart to tell her that she had never been in love with either her or Rainbow Dash in the first place, even after all these years..
Now, years later they had reconnected with each other with wounds all but healed but the two let what they had in the past and stay there.
On certain occasions, Derpy invited Fluttershy to get together and to chill with some of her friends, though after a poker game that Derpy had hosted three weeks ago, Fluttershy was in debt to the mare and knew her friend never played when ponies owed her bits, and she was going to give no leniency to her former lover, which was to be expected from her.
Dejected and embarrassed she could not owe up to her promise. The pegasus then turned away slowly trotting towards a bar she had come to when she needed a drink alone.
Ignoring the big green neon sign which read “Sinful Pleasure”, Fluttershy opens the brown oak door with a hoof and stepped in, trying to ignore the scent of alcohol as she walked towards the counter.
Sitting on a bar stool before almost kicking herself that she had forgotten to bring any bits as she sighed loudly, placing her hooves on her temples before one of the bartenders noticed her, a stallion by the name of Thunderlane. A really good friend to the mare over the years.
“Hey, Shy, what you doing here so early, shit I have not seen you around for a while. You want a drink?” He asked. Fluttershy calmly explained that she had no bits to pay for the drink as he only chortled with a shake of his head.
“Don’t fret, Shy, it’s on the house tonight. You deserve it after saving Equestria more times than I can count on my hooves, which is four by the way. HA. If my boss, Raindrops has a problem with it then it’s on me. Don’t you worry, beer sounds good?” He snorted as she only nodded, to week in her reply to give him verbal words before he nodded and went to get a full glass of Hayseed beer.
Setting it down before her as she smiled and he went to serve more ponies that came through the doors. Grabbing the perspiring cold glass with a nervous hoof, she tipped it slightly and took a sip trying not to grimace from the bitter taste it left on her tongue, but not wanting to refuse such a kind gesture, she took a bigger sip and allowed her body to relax.
Moaning as she with a blink of her eyes tried to not let Derpy’s and Rarity’s cruel words invade her thoughts. It was all for naught as she could no longer keep up her bravo before tears ran down her face unable to wipe them away she let them continue to travel down her cheeks.
“Seems to me you had a rough day Fluttershy.” A soft voice spoke to her. She turned her head to look at the owner of the voice seeing her friend, Colgate, who was gently sipping on some Trottingham red wine making Fluttershy only offer a bitter smile in response as the Dentist nodded with an audible sigh.
“Want to talk about it Shy? I won’t tell anyone. Pinkie Promise! Watch, cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” She chuckled making the mare laugh with her before looking back at her drink then gulping a quarter of it down and panting after she set it on the counter then wipes her mouth and eyes with a hoof .
She then slowly explained the events that went into the single day alone, making Colgate whistle at the end of Fluttershy’s tragic tale.
“Wow…that’s honestly discouraging to hear such a story with you finding no middle ground or thought of seeking aid to your other friends. I can honestly say Derpy is no friend to many ponies, myself included, but Rarity? I have to say she does not deserve to be loved by such a noble and compassionate mare like you, Shy. You deserve so much more then you allow yourself to obtain. You’ll find your special somepony, I promise.” Colgate spoke softly making Fluttershy give a true, genuine smile than she’s given for the past few hours.
“Thank you Minuette. Seriously. It’s not much, but you’re right. Maybe I just need to stop forcing love to just come towards me. I’m sure Princess Cadence would appreciate it if I just never loved at all.” She replied, her eyes glazing over at the thought of never find love again before Colgate slammed a hoof down firmly on the table.
“Bullshit! Oh, excuse me for my language Fluttershy, but that’s not true. You’re honestly really loved and respected by
many ponies. Trust me. You just need to stop hoofing your heart over to the wrong stallion or mare in your case.” Colgate answered with a glare before taking a larger swallow of her alcohol as the mare shook her head.
“Yeah and if that does not work, you could always have some meaning less sex for a while.” A drunken voice spoke up making the two look to Fluttershy’s left to see Roseluck with an empty glass of beer in her hoof. Her third to be exact.
“Rosy, what are you doing here? Thought you were still in jail?” Colgate deadpanned as the mare snickered.
“Got out early for good behavior. My sisters were nagging at me and I needed out of the house and a drink. So, Fluttershy…want to buck?” the Earth Pony asked bluntly making the mare gasp and shake her head as Roseluck just sighed with a roll of eyes then left the two to continue their conversation.
As the night wore on ,the two gossiped on other things they heard before Fluttershy looked at the clock above her seeing it was already nine at night making her gasp in shock. Saying good bye to Colgate and thanking Thunderlane for the beer.
She stumbled out and on home not understanding how two beers could have such an effect on her. Maybe she was just a light weight? Maybe since because she hadn't anything to eat it was making the alcohol enter her bloodstream faster?
Arriving at her cottage, she panted as she opened the door forgetting to lock it in her haste as Angel and the other animals waited impatiently for their dinner. The mare apologizes up and down to them before going about her duties as their provider.
Finally able to get the nicotine she so craved for, the mare laid on her bed and wept, releasing all the shame and guilt of her words towards the mare she loved to come forth like a flood.
With one last drag of her cigarette then extinguishing it out on the pink ashtray that rested on the small bed stand to the right of her and exhaled the smoke out her mouth.
She then placed her hooves together to pray to Princess Luna, asking to be forgiven for her sins and that she hated being alone. She did not want to sound selfish but she did not want to die alone.
Feeling cold air blow through her fur, Fluttershy opened her eyes and turned her head, seeing the deity in the flesh before her. Jumping off her bed and bowed as low as her body allowed. If she could go under the floorboards, she would. Before rising, noticing that the co-ruler of Equestria had a serious expression on her face.
“Fluttershy, my dear and loyal servant. I have done all I can to heal your fragile heart, but it is up to you alone to correct and change your negative mindset, my precious pony. Love does not come for those who hunt for it mercilessly for true love will take time and-”
“Princess Luna, I’m so tired of waiting though. I pray and I pray but nothing in my life seems to change for the better. I feel as though everypony wants me to change my entire being completely. Please, can’t you do something that will speed up my process of finding a mate faster? Of Rarity giving some thought to my feelings for her?” The poor Pegasus begged and it broke Luna’s heart to see her so sadden but it would do nether of them any good if she had to lie to her.
“No, my servant, I cannot, you must stop relying on me and other the Gods in your time of desperation. Go out and search for the pony, if it will aid you, but don’t expect your journey to just suddenly come to a stop just because you are afraid to leave your home. I have not forsaken you young one but I cannot do everything. I promise I will talk to Cadence and see-”
“I don’t have all the time in the world like you do Luna. Just find something to HELP me, please!” Fluttershy shouted to the Alicorn and shrieked back in fear at the tone she had given to the Goddess who narrowed her eyes to mere slits before sighing loudly as she blinked.
“Nothing can be done so hastily Fluttershy. Not even by the Gods. I’m sorry.” Luna spoke calmly as Fluttershy hung her head and closed her eyes, feeling tears start to form on the corner of her eyes. She opened them and saw Luna was gone.
Sobbing, Flutershy sat on the floor angry at herself for yelling at the mare she held in such high regards.
Alone, she wallowed in self-pity hearing the scornful voice of the mare she had given her heart to only to have it trampled in front of her face. She had taken pills to try to calm her rising depression, but this night after so many years of admiring the mare from afar, seemed to be the breaking point.
She had no money, no lover and even her Goddess felt pity on her, it made her want to crawl into a hole and die.
Ashamed for the sinful action planting and taking root into her mind, she willingly dragged her hooves towards a tan colored rope kept tucked away under her bed for emergencies only and flew into the air, tying it securely onto the support beam above her bed.
She grabbed a small brown stool resting by her door as she then formed a noose like she been taught by Applejack a few years ago in order to capture and control unstable animals when she had to do in times of a crisis.
She felt her heart plunge all the way to her hooves as she stared emotionless at the rope hearing Rarity’s unyielding and disgusted tone in her voice over and over like a broken record player.
She had chosen this choice of action because she knew she could no longer live a lie, as if wearing a mask of confidence and bliss was healthy to those around her while it ate away at her insides that she would never be given another shot of romance towards the mare she loved no matter the rejection. Her feelings where set.
Towards the Gods she prayed to, knowing her prayers went unanswered while their lies spewed from their mouths like honey from a bleeding hive while it was actually hallow words.
Fluttershy needed no God in her darken mindset, no savior or even a friend who never showed any signs of actual remorse. She only needed the cold embrace of Death.
His voice was the only one that mattered at her point of such a bleak and meaningless life, a lie wrapped in a shroud, a mask not able to be removed for the world to see her true face.
She was done pretending and being a puppet for the amusement for others. It was time to say her final words, words from her heart before she realized Rarity had stomped on her heart with fury and disgust, Fluttershy could stand it no longer: not anymore.
She stood on the wooden seat, staring through the noose hoisted around a support beam overhead. This is her redemption, her apology to everyone, her exit and her goodbye. The suggestion plagues her, echoing into the depths of her mind solidifying the thought.
“It's for the best, I don't really matter, I'm just a prop in the background thrown to the floor and used as a mat.” She whispered to herself, hearing Angel scratching at her wooden door, trying to reprieve her of this destructive act to no end. She ignored his silent cries.
She sniffles as she places the noose around her neck and tightens it till it pinches the skin. She stares onto the rotting floor as tears ran down her furred face trying to fight her fears.
"It's all I can do." She mutters to herself then raises her head as she closes her eyes taking a deep breath. The chair is kicked aside and she drops down hanging and swaying right to left twitching. She claws at the noose, fighting to breathe as consciousness slips away slowly.
She sees her past; she sees who she used to be the shy and timid, caring and generous Pegasus.
Memory plays like a photo reel highlighting the good times fading into blinding light and pans of onto the next one. She cries as her limbs become limp unable to command her body while it slowly leaves her in agony causing her heart to panic.
She looks up into the small window above her door with the ascending moonlight beaming through and her final tears are shed dripping on the floor while she sways right to left.
Lost to the demons that vexed her, never to be revived as Luna’s moon radiated with such love and care which she would never know again.
Her final thoughts were of her mother. Seeing her for the first time when Fluttershy was just an innocent little filly being brought to a grassy field with the sky brightened by an orange tint as the sun lowers into the west. Not being judged, hated or criticized on who she was.
Remembering the unconditional love that her mother gave. As the mother held Fluttershy in her hooves close to her, staring into large green eyes as she cooed grabbing at her mane before the memory slowly faded from her sight and she saw a unicorn skeleton covered by a black cloak, levitating a large sliver colored scythe above him trot towards her, emotionless as she thought of her final words before allowing Death to overtake her.
“Maybe I'll be love when I'm gone.”
Author's Note
Believe it or not, almost all of the words in this story were written by me, my editor helped me out a lot so I can't take all the credit, but as you can very much tell I'm expanding my vocabulary, not like many legends mind you but hopefully enough to gain a few wondering eyes, I hope you all enjoy this fic, I worked very, very hard on it.
Please keep in mind as you all should already know if you have read my pervious stories, I don't do rainbows and sunshine, you want that then watch the show or read an Everyone rated fic, you'll never find that with me, ever, I don't find that a realistic view of life so therefore you'll get....well, stories such as this, have fun.
