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It was a lovely day in South Park, Colorado. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and it was a perfect day for Eric Cartman to enact yet another perfect scheme.
A few nights ago, Cartman had gone to the woods of South Park in order to search for the legendary Jewpacabra. You know, like a Chupacabra, except that it rejects the divinity of Christ.
Instead of finding the Zionist monster, Cartman found something much better. A creature far more cuddly, legendary and most of all, news worthy.
Cartman tried to catch the entity, but she flew with such great speeds that she managed to avoid him. Luckily, Cartman was able to meet the park rangers who informed him they were watching the skies the entire time and there was no report of anything flying out of the woods.
That meant she was still in there. Cartman never forgot her crossed expression.
And by God, he was going to catch her.
To do so however, Cartman needed a team. He spent the following days returning to the woods to track the creature's next move. Finally, he was able to round up the boys of South Park and informed him of what he had witnessed.
After much hassle, he was able to convince the boys that he a saw a mythical creature and if they helped him catch the flying quadruped, he would award them a sum of the fame.
One boy however, who happened to be Catman's 'friend', Kyle, still refused to believe him. Although nobody technically believed Cartman that such a creature could exist, they decided to follow him for the ride. Kyle opted to stay.
Cartman, sure as ever of his belief, made an extreme bet Kyle on the account that if he could prove the creature real, Kyle would have to do something rather sugestive to him, while if Cartman really was lying, Kyle would receive ten dollars.
By the afternoon, the boys had managed to reach the forest after rounding up some hunting equipment.
Cartman, who chose to dress up as a lumberjack, started to lead them to the location where he claimed he saw the creature. He was not about to fail. Especially not when he had such a savory reward waiting for him.
Cartman ordered the boys following him to spread out after choosing code names. Butters would be the lookout on the skies while the rest would cover the remainder of the forest.
The group finally reached the spot. Cartman, followed by Stan, Jason and Tweek, began laying out the traps.
"All right, she should swoop down here any moment if we're on schedule." alerted Cartman. "Odds are, we aren't gonna catch her if she spots us. We'll need to set up mechanisms in order to corner her prevent her from flying away."
The boys got to work setting up the traps. Stan and Tweek started digging holes while Cartman tied a trip wire to the rock. He knew the creature could fly, but there was a chance she could take the ground any moment.
Kyle meanwhile wanted no part of this. The young boy was sitting on a log with a hast expression, waiting to be proved right and go home.
"Hey Kyle, could you quit being so useless and actually help us out?" inquired the occupied Cartman.
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous this entire plan is?" scolded Kyle. "You're wasting everyone's time for some stupid story about a messed up horse!"
Cartman finished tying up the wire and faced Kyle. "First off, it's a pony, not a horse. Second, I'm not telling a fictional story Kyle. I came to this forest a few days ago and I saw a pegasus!"
"Pegasai aren't real fat ass!" defended Kyle. "You're making it up so you can probably humiliate us for being obsessed with a girl's fantasy."
"I'm not lying bitch!" yelled Cartman. "I really saw a pegasus. With a gray coat, blond mane, bubble tattoos on her flank and googily eyes. I've seen her fly across this forest every time I come here."
"A pegasus with googily eyes? Do you have any idea how made up that sounds?" glared Kyle.
"Oh screw you!" Cartman turned to his walkie talkie. "Dusk Shine, this is Rainbow Blitz. Do you read me?"
Clyde, who was also known as Dusk Shine, was supervising a box and stick trap being set up by Clyde, Craig and Jason (who were known as Bubble Berry, Elusive, and Artemis respectively for this mission). Since it was common knowledge that pegasai were attracted to blueberry muffins, the pony would fly straight from the sky to eat the confectionary, setting off the trap in the process.
"This is Dusk Shine. We've have the muffin trap ready. Once she gets a whiff of this goodness, she'll be easy prey."
"Copy that, Dusk Shine. Keep surveillance tag Friendship Harmony. She is not flying away! Rainbow Blitz out." radioed Cartman.
"I have to admit." called out Stan from behind. The boy was getting bored rather quickly. "A pegasus with cross eyes sounds pretty messed up."
"See? No one even believes you! Just call it quits so we can all go home" added Kyle.
Cartman was furious now. "NO! Don't you dare try to cheat me out of this you Jew bitch! We made a deal that if I can prove there's a pegasus in South Park, you have to suck my balls. We have a contract, remember?"
"Why the hell would you agree to that?" muttered Stan.
"I might as well since there's no way I can loose." responded Kyle. "There's nothing for Cartman to find."
"What would a pegasus be doing in South Park anyway?" questioned Tweek from the side.
"Well, we're not going to find out until we catch her!" Cartman took out his radio again. "Rainbow Blitz to Blackie. What's your status, Blackie?"
Token Black, the only African American boy on the team, was not amused. He was supposed to be one of the lookouts for the Pegasus, but he was ready to quit any time.
"For the hundredth time, I'm not going to be called Blackie." threatened Token.
Cartman simply blinked. He was oblivious to Token's wrath. "Sorry Blackie, but it's well known fact that all ponies have a quirky name that's based of their certain traits, and you're special for being the only black guy."
Token face palmed. "If that's the case, what do you have to do with rainbows?"
"Don't question the system Blackie. Ponies don't and we need to be able to draw the pegasus out with familiar terminology." replied Cartman. "Check your sides and alert us when you spot her! She could be hiding in the clouds. Pegasai can do that!"
Cartman got back to setting up the trip wire. Suddenly an idea formed in his mind to make fly wire that was set in the trees. That would be perfect for stopping his cross eyed friend in the air.
"Hey Kyle, would an air wire sound like a good idea?" smirked Cartman.
Kyle was just getting agitated. "This is fucking retarded."
"You sound nervous. Having second thoughts Kyle? Are you seeing things from my perspective? Are you afraid that once we catch that pegasus, you're going to have to admit that I was right and legally suck my dick?" mocked Cartman.
"I'm not agreeing with you, and if you couldn't prove there was a pegasus, you have to give me ten dollars!" reminded Kyle. "You might as well pay me now seeing as to how we're getting nowhere! Why are we even after something that comes from girly fantasy stories anyway?"
Cartman once again ignored Kyle. He knew what he saw and wouldn't make a bet unless he was absolutely sure. Besides, the group saw tons of strange shit before. Why should this be any different?
Unfortunately, the pegasus still hadn't showed up with her derpy look.
"Come on, show up already. Damn, that pegasus must be smarter than she looks." complained Cartman. He radioed his right hand man in charge of the skies.
"You know, maybe she isn't showing up because she isn't real." pointed Kyle.
"Rainbow Blitz to Faggot! Come in, Faggot!"
Butters Scotch, other wise known as 'faggot', flinched at the calling of his nick name. He was perched in the tree and manning a telescope to scout for the pegasus in the sky or in the distance.
The blond haired boy was extremely excited to be on this expedition to find the pegasus since he loved magical ponies, but his nickname upset him.
"Do-do I have to be called faggot? Can't I just be called Butterscotch?" complained Butters.
"NO! That's not a real pony name." countered Cartman. "You're name implies a constant desire to be a submissive cunt."
Butters had to admit, he was rather submissive. "Alright. Faggot reads you loud and clear Rainbow Blitz."
"Faggot, I need you to maintain your strategic position with your telescope. Keep your eyes in the skies and check back in five." radioed Cartman.
"Acknowledged. Faggot out." sighed Butters. He turned to his telescope to watch the skies.
Cartman returned to his ordeals. The boys at this point were pretty invested into their tasks.
Kyle exploded "Alright! This stupidity has gone enough for far too long!"
Kyle hopped off the log and gained the attention of the boys.
"Everybody! Can't you see this is just one of Cartman's stupid pranks? This is all just some grand scheme to make fun of us for being obsessed with ponies!"
"Then why would I go through all this trouble myself if I was lying Kyle?" questioned Cartman.
"You're only doing this to make us look stupid for believing you." accused Kyle. "Look at yourselves, you're getting excited over a magical pony. A MAGICAL PONY!"
"But I like ponies." admitted Jason.
"You're only falling for it." warned Kyle. "With the stupid nicknames and all this other bullshit, Cartman is going to start making fun of us for actually believing him about messed up horses and we'll never hear the end of it! He'll start teasing us with these call signs and accuse us of liking fairies and princesses. Haven't we learned our lesson by now to stop trusting this racist who only wants to make our lives miserable?"
"Who cares if magical ponies are for girls Kyle?" asked Token. "Wouldn't it still be cool to find one for scientific inquiry?"
"Do you really want to go down in history as being the founder of a magical land of colorful and way too fucking happy horses and rainbows?" glared Kyle.
The boys thought about what Kyle just said deeply.
"You know, even if Pegasai are real after all, what would we know about them?" realized Stan. "This would probably be a task better suited for Bebe and Wendy."
Cartman however, wasn't about to loose his thunder. "I'm not trying to make fun of you all for once! The pegasus will show up any minute. You gotta trust me! She's probably just a little late because the muffins aren't fresh enough."
"There is no god damn pegasus, asshole! You want to know why? Because they're mythical creatures just like unicorns, mermaids and pixies. They're fake and only serve to entertain little girls." remarked Kyle.
"Since we're clearly not going to get anywhere, you have to stick to your end of the deal and pay me ten dollars! Just do it already so we can forget about it. Unlike you, I'll have no intention to keep reminding you of this stupid plot."
The boys were all staring at Cartman now with looks of disappointment.
Right before anything could happen, Butter's voice filled the radio.
"Hey fellas! I think I see something in the clouds!" called out Butters.
The boy just saw a gray blur swoop down from the sky and approach the muffin box. "It's come down! Now it's in the forest and-"
"It's uh... Oh my, I think it's a pegasus!"
The boys were all stupefied by this statement. Could the pegasus be real after all?
Now was Cartman's moment to shine.
"Quick, everybody head to the muffin trap! Dusk Shine, take the lead!"
The group sprinted immediately to the box trap. Clyde took the lead to show the boys where he had set up the device.
The boys were running frantically. All of a sudden, there was a sound of munching which made Cartman even more determined to catch the creature.
On the other side of the bushes laid the cardboard box. The stick had fallen off and there was clearly an occupant inside from all the shaking.
"My god, we've actually caught it!" awed Craig.
"Oh please, it's probably just a raccoon or bird." gritted Kyle.
Suddenly, the munching died down and the box started to lift.
The boys slowly crept to the trap.
"Careful. If we startle her, she could pull a sonic rainboom on us any moment and basically nuke the forest." warned Cartman.
The box was thrown off and revealed pegasus. A freaking midget pegasus that was clearly equine even if it looked nothing like the horses the boys had once rode.
She matched the description Cartman gave out. Gray coat, blond mane and above all, crossed eyes.
Stan's mouth dropped. "Wow. Cartman was telling the truth."
Jimmy, who was disabled and stuttered when he spoke, couldn't believe it. "H-h-h holy shit. It's a pegasus."
"How can she see with those cross eyes?" muttered Clyde.
Kenny replied 'beats me' with his muffled voice.
"I for one think she's adorable." smiled Token.
"This isn't time for one of your sappy girl shows Token!" yelled Cartman.
Cartman approached the confused pegasus. He took out a knife and smiled malevolently at the crossed eyed pony.
"All right, derpy, show us where the Rainbow Factory is!"
The pegasus knitted her googily eyes. She hated being called derpy. "My name is Ditzy Doo and get out of my way!"
Cartman dropped his knife and the rest of the boys gasped loudly.
"Holy shit! She can talk." groaned Clyde.
The pegasus known as Ditzy Doo stood to her full height. She was only a centimeter or so taller than the boys.
Ditzy Doo flapped her wings and took off to the sky.
The gang was far too mesmerized to even think.
Cartman recovered the fastest. He shook his head and got running. "You can fly my little pony! But you can't escape Rainbow Blitz!"
The boys, even Kyle, gave chase to the gray colored equine.
"No one kill her! I need her alive!" ordered Cartman.
Ditzy Doo noticed the children following her.
The crossed eyed equine flapped her wings harder. She needed to get away from them.
She took a detour in the hopes that she could loose the boys, but they knew the woods better than she did. With little effort, the boys by passed the obstacles like logs and huge trees.
It also helped their situation in that they didn't need to worry about getting rammed by flying too hard into something.
Ditzy gritted her teeth. She wasn't the best flier in Equestria. In fact, she ranked poorly during her flight exams. Wasn't her fault she couldn't see clearly.
A few days ago, the mare had been sent on a reconnaissance mission on the behalf of the princess in order to find out what could have been a possible threat.
Sadly, the threats proved true and Ditzy, being a mail mare, had to return with the news. Numerous lives were at stake here if she failed.
Unfortunately, the clumsy pegasus had got lost while flying on her way back to Equestria. Somehow, she ended up here in South Park, Colorado.
Before she could start her trip back to Equestria, Ditzy tried to keep a low profile and exactly pinpoint where she needed to head, but things got complicated once the fat child spotted her.
To add to her dismay, the humans were still following her no matter how high she flew.
After a few minutes of chase, Ditzy Doo was getting awfully tired, but she couldn't afford to land.
"JUST GIVE UP ALREADY!" shrieked Cartman.
Ditzy rolled her eyes and turned to the clouds. Due to her being in the mountains, the clouds were easy to fly to and pick up. The exhausted gray mare collapsed onto a small one.
Instead she sat on a cloud and took a deep breath. The act of a pegasus walking on clouds further stupefied the boys.
"WOW! She's standing on clouds." awed Butters.
"That is so cool." complimented Stan.
Suddenly, Cartman pushed himself in front of the group and got a good look at the Pegasus.
Cartman, who was all out of breath, panted heavily as he spoke. "Okay my little Ditzy! Where is the Crystal Heart? I heard it sells for billions!"
"Please come down Ms. Ditzy Doo." pleaded Butters. "I just want to be friends."
Kenny said 'Yeah, so would I'. In his muffled voice.
Ditzy was getting pissed. "Could you please leave me alone?"
"Not until I get what I want bitch!" whined Cartman like a little boy.
"I need to leave now! There's going to be a terrorist attack!" pleaded Ditzy Doo. "Quit following me!"
The boys suddenly froze with the exception of Cartman who couldn't comprehend Ditzy's warning.
"No excuses! Tell me where I can find the elements of harmony or die!"
Ditzy face hoofed. The next thing she knew, she used her pegasus powers to start stomping on the cloud and released a barrage of lightning and rain on the boys.
"Aw man, I hate getting wet." complained Stan as he was drenched with rain.
Ditzy kept spoke as she stomped on the clouds. "You. Idiots. Ruined. Everything!"
Cartman spat some of the rain he swallowed. "Quit being such a pussy and get down here!"
In the heart of the moment, a lightning bolt from Ditzy's cloud struck Cartman, electrocuting him with a painful, but moderate shock.
Ditzy kept stomped jumping on the cloud. "I have to deliver a warning! On the one thousand fourth Summer Sun Celebration, there's going to be a massive terrorist attack. But I'll never make it now!"
The cross eyed pegasus stopped jumping on the cloud. "Maybe there's a small chance! I have to try."
Ditzy Doo took off and left the boys being drenched in rain.
"After her!" cried Cartman.
The thunderstruck boy tried to chase the pegasus, but couldn't see her in the sky due to the storm she created. After a few inches of running, Cartman tripped and fell into the wet soil.
The other boys meanwhile stayed put and contemplated the situation.
"Well, there's never something I thought I'd see." let out Craig.
"That couldn't have just happened." added Token.
"What could have she meant by terrorist attack?" pondered Stan.
"Does this mean Unicorns are real too?" asked Clyde. He didn't care how ridiculous the statement sounded.
"I-I-I guess so." muttered Jimmy. "And maybe so are A-A-A-Alicorns."
Kyle was desperate. He couldn't have lost the bet. "Come one! This had to be a hallucination."
The next thing the boys knew, the rain and storm Ditzy created had gone out.
Cartman, looking like a total tool due to being thunderstruck and covered in mud, walked up to Kyle and cleared his throat. He had won the bet.
"A deal is a deal Kyle." chuckled Cartman.
Kyle froze in horror as Cartman slowly brought up the contract they signed with a mischievous grin. Kyle was going to have to such his balls. Lawfully.
