Spike the loser

It was 2pm in the afternoon as Spike was asleep in the Ponyville library by himself. He was laying on a pile of spell books and old playbrony magazines when suddenly a letter leapt out of his mouth, waking him with a painful burning sensation in his throat. He coughed miserably for a few seconds before picking up the letter to read it.

Dear Spike,

I am heading off to Canterlot for my apprenticeship to Princess Celestia for the next two weeks. I am entrusting you as the chief director of the library. Please keep all the books properly stacked in their proper shelves, keep tabs on any late fees, and assist any pony who comes by to borrow some materials. I know you won't disappoint me.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle.

He groaned looking around. Books all over the floor, broken shelves, burning pile of furniture in the corner, unexplained puddle of blood. He was doing alright for the first day he figured.

He lay back down in his mess and stared at the ceiling. It was difficult for him to believe how much his life had changed since Twilight's coronation. He barely had a chance to speak to her in the past week. She was too busy for him. He realized he'll probably see her even less now that she'd become an alicorn princess. If it wasn't lonely enough being the only dragon in Ponyville, he was now totally abandoned. Nothing to do but sit alone in Twilight's library and watch over the books she won't have time to read anymore.

Burping letters from Celestia and being the Twilight's punching bag were at least something that kept him busy in the past. Even though those things kinda sucked. Cause Celestia had to use those big Papyrus type letters with massive wax seals. Even for like minor things. Which made the whole letter the size of his head and gave him heartburn. He should probably write to her about it actually.

Anyways, he had no idea what to do with all his free time for the next two weeks. He couldn't exactly just go hang out with Pinkie Pie or Applejack for the heck of it. Everyone saw him as Twilight's pet, rather than his own person. And not a cool pet like Gummy or Angel either. He considered going downstairs to his secret lair to hump that pony mannequin he stole from Rarity's Carousel Boutique. You know, the one with purple confetti for hair and diamonds drawn on the flank? Except they kinda look like squares cause he didn't know how to draw diamonds correctly.

But then he remembered he really went all out on it last time and it's head fell off. Seriously, the thing looked like it got chewed up by a timberwolf. Cracked hooves, chipped ears, dented torso... all those "holes". Never mind that he went temporarily deaf from his own blood-curling screams during the whole experience.

Yeah, he definitely needed to steal another mannequin. Or at least get some duct tape.

He got up and left the library.

***

Spike walked through town, exhausted and broken. The sun was too bright, Celestia deciding to mock him probably. He saw all the ponies of the town happy, cheerful and busy. Being librarian here was completely pointless. Barely anypony in town read anyways. Once in a while, Fluttershy would take out a book on animal care, Rainbow Dash something from the Daring Do series, and Donut Joe something on building nuclear reactors. On that point, shouldn't there be like a watchlist of suspicious reading materials or something. Sigh… whatever. Twilight's problem, not his.

He walked into Donut Joe's shop.

"Hey, Joe. I need to borrow some duct tape again"

"Sure thing, Spike." Replied Joe. He trotted over to the back room to find some.

Spike felt like passing out standing there by himself in the shop. He wondered if Joe had any painkiller-flavored donuts. How did this guy keep the place so clean and nice anyways? There was hardly any puke on the floor.

"Sure you don't want a donut or something". called out Joe from the backroom.

"Naw, I'm watching my weight. Maybe next time" replied Spike. He WAS hungry actually. But Joe gave him a look like he was going to stab him once when he asked if his shop sold anything other than donuts.

"By the way, Spike, you wouldn't happen to have a geiger counter, would you?"

"I don't know what that is"

"Never mind then"

Joe returned from the backroom with a tape and handed it over to Spike.

"Thanks, Joe. I'll bring it back tomorrow" said Spike.

As he was leaving, Donut Joe said "Just go easier on her this time, okay, Spike?"

"What?"

"N-nothing. Nothing." He chuckled and went back to work.

Spike sighed again. Leaving the shop.

***

Ponyville's reluctant librarian had only just stepped out of Donut Joe's shop when suddenly...

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER NINJAS!"

Spike barely had the time to process the synchronized screams of Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo leaping in his direction before he was forced to process their hooves karate-chopping his limps from three different directions, knocking the young dragon to the ground. His duct tape went flying off, rolling away into the bushes.

He sat up, rubbing his aching head, tiny birds flying around in orbit, singing cheerfully at his pain. In front of him were The Cutie Mark Crusaders. Dressed in black ninja costume, armed with nunchuck, sword, throwing stars. They looked cute, but as far as Spike was concerned they might as well have jumped out from behind him yelling "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SUCKERPUNCH!" and slammed a chair over his back.

"Hey... girls..." groaned Spike. Passive aggressively instead of aggressively as he probably should been. They stared down at him harshly.

Apple Bloom stepped forward, drew her ninja sword and pointed it in right in front of Spike's face threateningly.

"Uh... girls?!" said Spike anxiously.