Chapters The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
Twilight and Spike are busy tidying up Golden Oaks after a recent busy rush in of klutzy customers. While Twilight enjoyed all into her library, it was rather annoying if said ponies made a mess of the place and don't bother to help clean up. Twilight levitates a few dictionaries up onto a high shelf as Spike carries a few smaller books up onto a table in the corner of the room. Suddenly, the front door flies open as Rainbow Dash swoops in from out of nowhere. She starts flying around in circles above Twilight and Spike's heads in excitement.
"Twilight! Did the new Daring Do come yet?!" She screams impatiently. Twilight rolls her eyes, annoyed once again by the common question.
"Dash, i've told you fifteen times now! It doesn't come out until next week!" Dash stomps a hoof in disappointment. She forgot about the due date of the book AGAIN!
"Aww, i'm sorry Twi. It's just...I've been waiting for this issue for months!" Twilight and Spike look at each other and roll their eyes simultaneously.
"Dash, you've got to learn that patience is a virtue. Asking for something you want everyday even though you know it's not coming won't make it arrive faster." Twilight says as she starts arranging some history books on a shelf alphabetically. Dash's jaw drops at what he friend just said. Twilight takes no notice.
"Patience?! Twilight, i'm the fastest pegasus in Equestria! I have no time to wait around! I always have to be moving!" Dash boasts as she starts flying upside down back and forth across the room. Twilight shakes her head, turning to smile at her friend's massive ego.
"It doesn't matter Dash, everyone needs a little patience, fast or slow. You can't just..." Twilight becomes interrupted by a loud crash as her door flies open. The two mares and small dragon turn quickly to the front door to see a earth stallion rush in and quickly push the door behind him frantically. The stallion in question is Christian, panting from exhaustion from running all the way to Golden Oaks, slides down the door and wipes the sweat from his forehead. Twilight and Dash gasp at his current condition. Christian's body is covered in dust and dirt, which made his tan coat an even darker clay color like pottery. His blonde mane and tail also look tarnished and messy. The mares quickly jump into action.
"Christian?! What happened, and where is your necklace?" Twilight asks as she kneels down to his level. Christian puts a hoof up for a second to get more air into his lungs.
"Can't talk...Too tired..." Twilight looks to Spike.
"Spike, get him some water. Quickly!" Spike complies and rushes out of the room. Dash swiftly starts fanning Christian with her wings. Christian lets his tongue hang out and flap in the cool breeze happily. Spike quickly returns holding a glass of water. Twilight hovers the cool liquid to her tired friend, who quickly gulps it down in less than five seconds. He sighs in relief.
"Thanks you three, I needed that." He gives the glass back to Spike, who returns to the kitchen. Dash slows her fanning and goes to trot away. The stallion growls and points a hoof at her. "I never said stop!" Dash turns and glares at him before she starts fanning him again disgruntledly. Christian happily puts his forehooves behind him and indulges in the breeze again, closing his eyes to relax. Twilight taps him on the shoulder, making Christian open an eye toward her.
"Uhh, can you tell us what's going on now?"
"Oh right, sorry!" Christian gets up into a sitting position to explain himself. "Well, it all started at the castle a few minutes ago. Celestia had called me in for something very urgent." Christian flashes back to when he was in Canterlot Castle. He was standing before his boss as usual to get a de-briefing. He remembers exactly what Celestia said and the corresponding events before he ran to Golden Oaks:
"Christian, the reason I called you here so early was because something...unusual has come up."
"What do you mean 'unusual'?" Christian asks concerned. Celestia sighs.
"Citizens of Ponyville have reported a strange cloaked pony wondering around the outskirts of the town."
"Alright, big deal. It's probably another zebra, you know how some of the citizens overreact to everything." Christian says while rolling his eyes. He hated false alarms, it was always just an outsider who looked suspicious or a pony with a raincoat on.
"That's not all Christian." Christian's eyes grow with shock.
"What do you mean?" He responds in distress.
"This particular pony has been seen surrounded by an unusual type of dark aura. A black magic aura." Celestia finishes. Christian thinks for a second about this. He didn't know of any unicorns who used black magic. Unless...
"You think it might be Trixie?" Christian asks. Celestia taps her chin in uncertainty.
"I cannot say for sure. That is why I need you to do a bit of undercover work."
"Come again?"
"Trixie has never seen you as a pony before, she thinks you're just human. We will use that to our advantage. I want you to go about your day as a normal citizen in Ponyville and find out if this 'dark aura' does indeed belong to Trixie. I doubt it though, I don't know how she would have been able to learn such powerful magic." Christian shrugs.
"I'm thinking Paradox, but there's no way." He says doubtfully. "Alright here;" Christian removes his necklace from his neck as Celestia envelops it in a white glow. She places the golden pick gently on her throne's arm rest just as the light subsides on Christian as he transforms into his pony self. Christian smiles and salutes Celestia. "You can count on me PC! I'll find out who this pony is!" Christian runs outside the castle and closes the door. Celestia laughs and eyes the glittering gold pick under her hoof. She gasps as the front door opens to show Christian pop into the castle. "Uhh, can I get a lift to town?"
"Well that explains why you're in your pony form!" Spike interrupts as he walks back from the kitchen.
"Trixie working with Paradox? It would explain her disappearance from the dungeon." Twilight points out. Dash, who was still fanning Christian, starts stomping her hoof in aggravation.
"Can we please just continue with the story?! I wanna know why you ran in here looking like a train wreck!"
"Patience Dash, Jeez." Christian puts a hoof up to silence her. "Twilight was right," He thought to himself. "The mare needs to learn to wait for something." Dash grunts and continues her fanning. "Anyway, the moment I was teleported to town, things started to get...heated."
"Alright, i'm here. Now it's time for a little look around." Christian says to himself as he starts wondering around town square. The small town was already full of ponies going to and fro all over the place. Celestia was right, he fit right in with the normal crowd. Christian sneered at the thought. "It's like i'm just a normal pony around here! I bet nopony knows that I'M their ambassador! This works better than I thought!" He said to himself happily as he starts trotting down the market, hooves galloping across the ground.
At least he thought it would be that easy. Unbeknownst to the carefree stallion, there was one thing that made him completely different in Ponyville. Some so small, yet so important...And three stallions were about to make that difference very apparent. Christian continues his carefree stroll down the road when suddenly, he gets a chill up his spine. He freezes in his tracks at the sensation. He looks around to see everypony giving him weird looks, like he was an alien, but not in the good way. He starts getting nervous as he starts hearing whispers among the citizens. Suddenly, Christian starts comprehending the situation and starts looking out toward the outskirts of town.
"The townsfolk must be seeing the pony!" He thought to himself. But to his astonishment, he doesn't see a hooded pony shrouded in darkness lingering around the horizon.
"The buck? If the hooded pony isn't here, then what the hay is going on here?" He says to himself.
"I dunno! Maybe you should take a good look in the mirror blank flank!" A voice from above him yells. Christian becomes confused on a few levels.
"Alright, who said that and what do you mean 'blank flank'?!" The tan pony yells. His scream is answered in the form of three pegasi that land in front of him, all laughing to each other. As they howl from an unknown cause, Christian's mind kicks into overdrive. "All right, who are these guys?" He thinks to himself as he starts evaluating the group. "Okay, I've never seen another pegasus around here besides Dash, so they must be from Cloudsdale or at least close to it." He then eyes their attire and scrunches his face in confusion. "What's with the lab coats? They don't look like they would have a degree in anything." Christian quickly shakes his head a bit.
"Focus Christian! Lab coats aren't important right now, for all you know, they could be geniuses!" He shouts to himself inside his head. "What about each one individually?" He then starts to eye each individual pegasi. He first takes note of the pegasi in front, presumably the leader of the group. "Alright, the one in front is a dark brown and...is that white hair? Maybe creamish? Whatever. He kinda reminds me of Mike. He looks all tough and he does have a dumb bell on his side." He nods a little before looking at the other two pegasi behind the brown one.
"Okay, those two look like walruses. Seriously, they look like they have enough fat to keep warm on Pluto!" He starts eyeing the pegasus on the right, looking up and down his body. "Hmm, this gray one with the footballs on his side here seems to be quieter than the other two. Maybe it's because he can't see me through those bangs of his." His concentration is broken by the howling of the hyena that is the orange pegasus to the left. "No, that can't be right because this one with the basketballs is laughing up a storm and his eyes are covered too. Christian raises a brow at the trio. "I've never seen these guys before." He thinks to himself.
"Ah Dumb-Bell, this guy doesn't even know what a blank flank is!" The orange one shouts in between breaths.
"Yea! This guy must be the stupidest pony ever!" The one called 'Dumb-Bell' replies. "Then again, I don't blame him Hoops. Maybe his stupidity rubbed off of Rainbow Crash!" Christian becomes flabbergasted at his remark.
"They must have seen me with Dash before. They must have been in the clouds so I couldn't see them!" He says to himself before realizing the stupid name they gave Dash. "Rainbow Crash, really?" He shakes off the expression. "All right, who are you idiots?" Christian asks in an annoyed manner. The trio halt their laughter and approach the stallion. Christian holds his ground as his muzzle gets pushed down by 'Dumb-Bell'.
"Better watch yourself there, blank flank! We're not to be messed with!"
"You still haven't answered my question." Christian replies, glaring into the pegasus's eyes.
"Name's Dumb-Bell." He nods toward his posse. "That's Hoops and the quiet one is Score. Got it?" Christian nods.
"Yea, Your name fits you there DUMB-Bell!" Christian starts laughing at the troublemaker. Dumb-Bell quickly reacts with a strong shove at Christian, who flies back into the dirt. Christian lands on his side and tumbles onto his back. He shakes it off and hops right back up, with anger written on his face. "Shouldn't have done that." He says quietly as he points his crossbow right at Dumb-Bell's cutie mark. The pegasi starts boasting.
"Oh please, like a wittle dart can hurt me! You must be kidding!"
"Yea, it's gonna take more than a pin to take us down!" Hoops yells from the sidelines. Christian takes no notice of their tauts, and takes a breath to focus on his target. With a slow movement, he let's go and flicks his hoof to send the dart soaring...
...A mile away from the trio and hitting a nearby house before falling to the ground. The small glass dart rolls a bit in the breeze, making the green liquid inside glimmer in the sun. Christian's jaw drops at the sight. He couldn't believe what he just saw unfold. He starts blinking many times and rubbing his eyes in disbelief, but everytime he opens his eyes he sees the small dart on the ground feet away from the bullies, who where all the while rolling around on the ground laughing their plots off. Christian gets steamed and starts shooting a barrage of darts at the three hyenas. He didn't care if it was a waste of ammo, he was hitting a pony NOW! But every dart missed. Every. Single. One.
"WHOO! Man! You are the WORST shot in Equestria history blank flank!" Dumb-Bell yells on the ground.
"Yea! If your aim was any worse, you would be hitting yourself!" Hoops comments. Christian is left huffing and puffing as he glances around to the area littered with tiny darts. Christian shakes his head in disbelief.
"H-How is it possible!" He shouts in his mind. "You were able to hit Rarity on the cutie mark while flying in the air with one hand on a hang glider, but you can't hit a pony FIVE FEET IN FRONT OF YOU?!" As Christian is lost in thought, Dumb-Bell, Hoops, and Score surround the earth pony. Christian snaps out of his trance to find himself trapped in between the three of them.
"Now we're going to show you why you shouldn't mess with us!" Dumb-Bell shouts. With a loud gulp, Christian looks up to see an incoming brown hoof.
"I managed to evade their punches, but not before they tossed me a bit in the dirt. I ran straight here as soon as I saw a clearing." Christian finishes. Spike and Twilight give each other a look of amazement, not believing a word he just said. But Christian looked serious enough, sad even.
"Wow Christian," Spike exclaims. "I can't believe you missed every shot!" Christian gives the dragon a disgruntled look.
"Gee, thanks Spike. That really made me feel better and..." He suddenly realizes that the refreshing breeze of Dash's wings were no longer cooling him. "Hey, were did Dash go?" He gets his answer in the form of Dash emerging from the kitchen with the biggest grin the three of them had ever seen. Confused about the blue mare's condition, he forgets about it and continues. "But I still don't get it."
"Get what?" Twilight asks.
"What's a 'Blank flank'?" Dash explodes into an uproar of laughter the surely Celestia heard in the castle. She throws herself onto the floor with her hind legs kicking up like a pony with a seizure. Christian looks at her funny. "I don't get it?! What's so funny?" Dash is too caught up in laughter to respond a straightforward answer to the stallion.
"Christian! Man! Stop it! You're killing me!" She screams in between breaths. Twilight and Spike look down on their giggling friend. A plain look of unamusement washes over them, making Dash cence her laughter and stare at them.
"Dash, remember what Christian is?" Twilight chimes. Dash's head cocks up to see the tan pony before her, still looking confused. She facehoofs.
"I forgot, sorry. It's just that it's rare to see you like this Christian. You really have no idea, do you?"
"Duh Dash! I'm pretty sure no one on Earth ever called me a 'Blank flank'!"
"How did you forget that he was human?" Spike asks.
"I dunno! I just never see him like this alright!" Dash screams. Christian at this point starts getting a little annoyed that his original question wasn't getting answered.
"I don't care if you forgot that I am human! I just want to know what 'Blank flank' means! So..." He pounds a hoof onto a side table. "WHAT THE BUCK DOES IT MEAN?!" Spike tumbles back at the booming voice, crashing into Twilight's legs.
"Well Christian," Twilight says as Spike picks himself back up. "A 'Blank flank' is a negative term for a colt or filly who has not obtained their cutie mark."
"So?"
"Do the math Christian, you're pretty much a full grown stallion who has yet to acquire a cutie mark." The moment she mentioned a cutie mark, he knew exactly what she meant. Christian glances at his tan backside and sighs at the emptiness.
"So, how do you ponies get a cutie mark again? Because we humans just go to a tattoo parlor if we want an image on our body." Dash starts laughing a little again while Twilight rolls her eyes.
"Christian and his Earth humor." She thought. "Oh ha ha, real funny. Anyway, A pony gets his or her cutie mark when they discover their special talent." Christian stares blankly at her explanation.
"Huh?"
"You figure out what you're really good at, and use it to help ponies!" Dash adds. Christian thinks to himself. It made sense. Well, for ponies anyway. He looks down at his crossbow on his hoof and sighs.
"Guess we can cross off the crossbow then huh?" He says with a frown. "Oh well. I used it to only tranq you anyway, Twitty. So, who's helping me find this 'special talent' of mine?" Twilight and Dash look at each other with the biggest grins.
"We just so happen to know three ponies who can help you Christian!" Christian's face beamed, he figured it would be tough to find a few ponies to help him out!
"Really? Great! So uh, who are they?"
The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
Three Fillies And A Fluttershy
"Hi! I’m Applebloom!”
“I’m Sweetie Belle!
“And I’m Scootaloo!”
“And we’re…The Cutie Mark Crusaders!”
The three ponies exclaim. Christian just stares at them, mouth agape and eyes wide. He can’t believe what he is seeing in front of him. When Twilight said she knew three ponies that could help, he figured she meant stallions or mares or anypony around Christian’s age group. Instead, he is greeted by three fillies. FILLIES! They look as if they are around Lily’s age! Christian glances back to Twilight and Dash, who were smiling nonchalantly.
“This is a joke, right?” The three fillies look at him funny while Twilight and Dash deny his question.
“Nope Christian, these three have done it all to try and get their cutie marks. We figured that if you need help trying to find your special talent, who’s better than these three?”
“Celestia, Luna, anypony who’s not in elementary school! This is ridiculous! I am NOT taking orders from a few kids!” Christian protests.
“Well arguin ’bout it ain’t gonna change the fact that you don’t have a cutie mark just like us.” Applebloom says plainly. Christian glances back to his bare flank, a little embarrassed. The filly was right though, he was just like them, albeit older.
“Yea, plus in terms of talents, we’ve done it all…Sort of.” Scootaloo adds in while rubbing her neck awkwardly. Christian cocks his head at the trio again before eyeing Twilight and Dash behind him, still smiling like nothing was wrong.
“Are you sure you three can help me?” Christian asks strictly. The three fillies nod quickly.
“You betcha!” Sweetie Belle chimes. Christian ponders the answer and the situation he is in. He still thinks this entire thing is nuts, but he didn’t want to hurt their feelings by saying: ‘If you know so much about talents, why don’t you girls have your cutie marks?’
“Heck, if Twilight and Dash trust these three, what’s the worst that could happen?” He thinks to himself. “Alright, I’ll give you three a shot.” He says with a sigh and a smile.
“You mean with the thing on your hoof or a chance?” Scootaloo asks.
“I’m assuming a chance, he can’t hit buck all with that thing!” Dash yells from behind. Christian rears backward and points the bow right at Dash, his white teeth showing from a fierce face. He snaps his hoof to fire three darts, all of which veer to the left and don’t even come close to Dash. “See, told ya he was a bad shot!” Christian sighs, yet again missing horribly from only seven feet.
“Maybe next time Christian; you should wait for a shot instead of randomly shooting.” Twilight points out. Christian nods at the somewhat friendly comment. “Anywho, we’ll leave you four alone. Good luck with the talent Christian!” Twilight and Dash turn and start trotting back to Golden Oaks. Christian gives off a blank and emotionless face as he watches them leave. Applebloom glances at her two friends happily before lightly patting Christian’s back.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it Christian! Shootin’ that bow is only one thing on a list of talents we made for you to try!” Christian perks up at the words. ‘They made a list?’ Christian thinks to himself.
“You made a list?” Christian says aloud.
“Yup! It’s only a few odd jobs, but with any luck, you’ll find your talent!” Sweetie Belle explains. Christian nods understandingly.
“Alright then, but I still need to fulfill my job. So keep an eye out for anything that is suspicious.” The trio nod and start leading Christian in the opposite direction that Twilight and Dash were walking. The two of them turn one more time to see the three fillies bound down the road with an apprehensive Christian behind them. Twilight and Dash smiled, but Dash’s quickly turns into a eyeing look at the stallion in the distance. Twilight starts walking again, leaving Dash staring at Christian, thinking about what he said earlier.
“Hmm,” Dash ponders suddenly. “It doesn’t add up.”
“What doesn’t?” Twilight asks in a concerned manner as Dash catches up.
“Why would those three morons be so far from Cloudsdale?” She wonders aloud. Twilight shrugs.
“Christian said they probably saw you with him and figured he would be an easy target to pick on, with no cutie mark and such.”
“If that’s true then that means they skipped work, and I know those two aren't that dumb.” Dash looks up into the blue sky.
“There has to be a bigger game here. I know it.” Twilight was astonished. It is rare to see Dash think so observantly! ‘Then again, it IS rare.’ Twilight thinks to herself.
“I think you're just paranoid about Dumb-Bell and the others.” Dash’s head quickly snaps down to meet Twilight’s
“No way! I could totally take all three of those dopes with one hoof and my wings tied behind my back!” Dash yells offensively while raising a hoof. Twilight rolls her eyes again happily.
“And Dash is back.”
The three fillies (and stallion) trot down the dirt road a bit away from town. Christian wasn’t really concerned about this though, as he is still wondering what talents these three had in mind. His thoughts are answered in the form of Scootaloo.
“Okay Christian! We set a up a few odd jobs to help you find that talent of yours!”
“Alright,” Christian says while rolling his eyes. She just said this two minutes ago, but being rude wasn’t in his jurisdiction. “And who will I be working with to find my talent?” he continues.
“Well we didn’t want you to drift from your comfort zone,” Sweetie Belle starts. “So you will be helping out my sister, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash!”
“Oh, yay.” Christian says unenthusiastically. He is instantaneously reminded of the first time he was here helping out fake Applejack and Pinkie, then the short time he helped Twilight and Spike. He knows it was a bit of an easy way out, but he has never really seen Fluttershy or Rarity doing their normal routine. He is stuck in the middle of an actual answer.
“Oh come on Christian! Be at least a little excited!”
“I don’t know Sweetie. I just don’t think any of these talents are my forté.” He says with a sigh. “Anyway, who’s first?”
“Fluttershy.” Applebloom jumps in. “You were supposed to help ma sister, but after she said you only bucked a few trees with that fake of hers.”
“Twenty-five is not ‘a few’ trees!” Christian protests.
“Aww, forget it. We’re here!” Scootaloo says excitedly. Sure enough, Christian’s view is soon full of a smallish cottage surrounded by woodland creatures...and a bunch of birdhouses. Paying no attention to the odd amount of avian homes, he takes one quick look at the surrounding foliage and immediately succumbs to total cuteness. Rabbits are bouncing around small little patches of daffodils, playing a type of peek-a-boo, robins and blue jays were singing cheerfully in the soft breeze, and finally, he simply adored the squirrels that were gnawing on nuts by a tree with more birdhouses hanging from it.
“Awwwwwwwwww! Is this Fluttershy’s house?” Christian asks with a bit of a voice crack.
“Yes, why?” Sweetie asks.
“It’s SOOOOOOOO CUTE! Look at d’all the wittle animals!” Christian says before his head jerks forward like something kicked him in the back of the skull. “What the heck just happened to me?”
“Well that was interesting. Never saw somepony do that the first time they saw Fluttershy’s house.”
“I blame my human instability to be in awe at extreme cuteness.” Christian says as they march up to the door. “Now let’s see what we’ve got here, shall we?” He raps his hoof lightly on the door. With a step back, he lines up with the CMC’s. Moments pass with no answer, making Christian grow impatient. “You girls did check that she was…” He was cut off by a wooden door slamming into the side of his face suddenly. Behind it, the timid yellow pegesi looks around before smiling to the fillies below.
“Oh, hi girls.”
“Hi Fluttershy! How are you today?” Scootaloo asks.
“Just fine, thank you. I was just feeding Angel and…” She starts to hear some moaning to the left of the door. They all look over to see Christian’s limp body dangling over the fence. Fluttershy gasps at the sudden realization of what she just did. “Oh my, sorry Christian, I didn’t see you there.” She says with a melancholy tone. Christian looks up at her in a daze just in time to see a few cerulean tears fall from her eyes.
“Fluttershy! Flutters! I’m fine! Really!” He protests as he hops to his hooves, a bit wobbly. Fluttershy starts wiping her eyes and sniffling at his words.
“R…Really?”
“Yea! I feel as fresh as a watermelon!” Christian said confidently. He thought he was fine, but in reality he may have bruised his brain just a little bit. The CMC’s start to realize this as they entered Fluttershy’s cozy abode,
“Are you sure you’re ok Christian?” Scootaloo asks in distress.
“Of course I’m human, Scootaloo with three heads!” He says happily. Scootaloo gives an intrigued look to the others as Fluttershy looks around to find something for Christian to do. Continuing her daily feeding routine, she trots into a side room and comes out with a bucket full of little pellets.
“Normally Christian, I would be done feeding the animals by now…But I just got some fish for the river outside. Do you want to feed them?”
“Yea sure, I love fish! The only problem is you really can’t talk to them!”
“Oh yea, he’s lost it.” Sweetie Belle says.
“Actually, I think Christian can talk to animals.” Applebloom comments matter-of-factly. She does vaguely remember seeing Christian talking to bird…at least, she thinks he did.
“Did you hit your head too?” Sweetie Belle points out. Meanwhile, Christian has managed to stumble outside and down to the river, miraculously still holding the bucket of fish food. He looks down haphazardly to see the shadows of all the little koi, goldfish, and bass swimming around. He gives off a smile like a stallion who has had one too many.
“Ok swimming magic turnips, here’s your buttons!” He goes to dump out the contents of the bucket into the river, but chucks it straight into the riverbed, strangely making a loud gonging sound as it hits the water. “Oops.” He says with a silly grin on his face. “Well, better go see what the talking hamster needs me to do next!” Christian twists around to rush back into Fluttershy’s house, but the bridge next to him meets his forehead instead. Instantly, he is knocked down flat onto his back, groaning in pain once more. Surprisingly though, the last jolt must've knocked the sense back into him, as he is only seeing one bridge instead of five. “Uhhhh…What happened?” The pain on his head answers the question for him. “I need to start wearing a football helmet or something; my skull must look like a jigsaw puzzle at this point.”
Suddenly, a shadow looms over his tired body. Christian blinks a few times to get some more focus and starts laughing a little. “Wow, I must still be seeing things. That looks like an alligator with a baseball glued to its head!” The scaly creature snarls at him, quickly making him realize that he wasn’t seeing things anymore. He also quickly figures out from the lump on its head that the gong he heard was the bucket making contact with the lizard’s head, not the water. Christian starts to shutter and sweat as the reptile puts a slimy webbed foot onto Christian’s forehoof and leans its head in to Christian’s.
“You’re right, I’m not an alligator.” The reptile says menacingly, “I’m a crocodile.” Its pointy teeth show a wicked smile, making Christian almost swallow his tongue in fright. He is wishing that he couldn’t hear animals right about now.
Inside, the CMC’s were playing with Angel when they heard the most ear-piercing shriek ever:
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
The four ponies quickly race out of the house to see Christian wrestling an eight foot crocodile with his bare hooves. The large reptilian monster is twisting and snapping at the small stallion, while he tries to hold down the croc’s jaws down, but to no avail. The crocodile realizes that snapping and twisting will not get him his dinner. Swiftly, the predator jolts its entire body forward, making Christian fly off the beast and back onto the top of the riverbed. Christian rushes up onto his back and starts to quickly scuttle backwards to Fluttershy’s hooves with every ounce of adrenaline in him. The croc flashes a wicked smile at the terrified pony before glancing at the smaller fillies next to his prey.
“Looks like dessert has arrived, but I don’t want to spoil my dinner…” The reptile thinks to himself as he starts low-walking quickly toward his main target. Christian is shaking wildly at Fluttershy’s feet. He knows that even if he could aim his bow and actually hit the beast, the scaled skin would prevent the dart from puncturing the skin. The crocodile stops a foot short of Christian, who then braces for sharp teeth to start tearing apart his body, but nothing happens. Christian peaks an eye open to see his would be doombringer frozen in place. Confused, Christian leans in toward the croc and pokes it with a forehoof.
Nothing happens.
“How the heck?” He starts to say, but looks up slowly to see Fluttershy and gets his answer. Fluttershy’s eyes are fixed onto the crocodile’s like she had some sort of hypnotizing target-lock with the reptile, as it looks like it is not even breathing! After a few moments, the croc starts backing slowly into the river again, eyes still locked with Fluttershy’s evil looking eyes. Christian’s jaw is hanging down at the sight of a ferocious crocodile backing away from Fluttershy, FLUTTERSHY of all ponies! A glance over at the CMC’s shows that they have seen this before, surprising Christian even more that Fluttershy never told him about this little skill of her’s! Finally, the croc slinks back into the water and slithers away, still frightened by the yellow pegasus.
“How…How did you…” Christian stutters. Fluttershy removes her evil glare fixated on the water and gives Christian a warm smile.
“It’s…just my stare Christian. Whenever animals disobey, it just…puts them right again.” She says quietly. Christian still had the same fixated ‘What just happened?’ look on his face.
“Oh…Wow…Uh…” Is all Christian can say at this point. Sweetie starts waving her hoof in front of Christian’s face to snap him out of whatever trance he was still in.
“Uh Christian, we should probably get going to your next job…” Christian shakes his head, giving him a little sense back into his head.
“What? Oh, you’re right.” He gets back to his hooves and nods to Fluttershy. “Thanks for the job Flutters; but I don’t think animals are my style, even if I can talk to them.” Fluttershy nods happily as Christian and the CMC’s cross back over the bridge.
“That’s ok Christian. Thanks for the help anyway.” She waves them off as they start back toward town. As soon as they are not within earshot distance, she turns and sighs to herself quietly. “I knew having Gummy’s cousin over would cause an incident. Thankfully, no pony got hurt.” She nods to herself and trots back into her house nonchalantly, as if nothing happened just a few moments ago.
The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
“Alright, where to next girls? More importantly, is it dangerous in anyway whatsoever?” Christian asks with a bit of worry in his voice. The crocodile and the possible minor concussion now has the stallion on edge with this whole escapade of ‘finding his talent’.
“Heh heh, don’t worry Christian, this next job is completely safe!” Sweetie Belle says with a skip. Christian gives her a funny look.
Huh, she seems to be in a good mood. What’s she got planned? Christian’s thoughts are answered by the tall building looming over him, looking like a tower to a place of some sort. He slowly starts scanning the building to the top and the moment his eyes met with the design of the top floor, he knew exactly where he was.
“Carousel Boutique, son of a mare.” He says aloud, but the fillies take no notice to his exclamation as they are already entering the snazzy shop. Christian blows his mane out of his face in irritation and slowly follows behind his mentors. Inside, the three girls peer into the shop to see a mess of fabrics and designs astray everywhere: On the floor, tossed over mirrors, and slumped over chairs. The cause of the chaos is identified by the rapid white blur that occasionally ran through the main room, making some strips of fabric on a table nearby flutter wildly every time it flew by. But it is obvious to the group of who the blur was.
“Uhh, sis?” Sweetie Belle chimes out. Rarity zips forward at a slower and frantic pace as she starts tidying up the area around the front door.
“Sweetie Belle, I really don’t have time for this nonsense. I have dresses to make and I want to get my orders in early so I can relax this weekend. So please…” She nudges the three of them back toward the door. “GET OUT!”
“Awww, c’mon sis!” Sweetie Belle moans as she tries to fight back her sister’s push. “This isn’t even about us!” Rarity stops pushing the group and looks at her sister with a confused look.
“Then why are you here, interrupting me?” Rarity asks. Scootaloo and Applebloom immediately turn around and push Christian forward, who has a blank and unenthusiastic look on his face.
“Hey Rarity.” He says plainly. Rarity continues to give the same stupefied look.
“Why is Christian here with you three?”
“We’re helping him find his cutie mark!” Applebloom yells happily. Rarity eyes suddenly become wide as she glances over to Christian’s flanks.
“Oh my! Christian you don’t have your cutie mark? I had no idea!” Rarity exclaims, embarrassed.
“Umm…Well…” Christian stutters to answer, but the white unicorn squeals one for him.
“OHHHHH! And you think fashion is your talent don't you?!” Rarity starts prancing excitedly. Sweetie and the others glance at Christian with huge smiles on their faces. Christian is less than amused, but he doesn’t want to impose.
“Uhh…Yea, let’s go with that.” He says with a bit of denial in his voice. Rarity starts jumping for joy again and starts pulling Christian inside, who is still a bit confused about the whole situation.
“Now let’s just set you up with some designs so you can…”
“Wait a sec,” Christian pulls away from the excited mare. “This doesn’t require using my hooves does it?” he asks, confused.
“Of course it does! You have no horn, obviously you can not use magic!” Christian puts a hoof in between his muzzle and his temple and shakes his head.
“Rarity, I can’t use my forehooves.” Rarity gives him a funny look before coming to the obvious realization.
“Oh of course!” She lightly taps her head with a hoof forgetfully, “You humans and your thumbs and such! I guess design is out then?” She starts passing back and forth in front of Christian, who is watching her intently. The CMC’s meanwhile are rummaging through trunks of clothes in one of the corners of the boutique for some reason. Christian dismisses this and continues to watch the white unicorn ponder. “Let’s see…Not a tailor, can’t draw designs, hmm…” Suddenly, a thought pops into her head, signaled by a loud “THAT’S IT!” Moments later, a tape measure appears next to Christian’s body. Confused, Christian starts scooting over a bit.
“What are you...?”
“Hold still!” The tape measure starts extending and retracting all over Christian’s hooves, tail, and body. Rarity meanwhile is closely examining the lengths of each measure. Occasionally going, “Hmm…” and “Interesting…” After a few more clicks, the tape measure vanishes. “You’re perfect Christian!” Rarity starts shaking his left forehoof in congratulation.
“For what?”
“My new model!” Christian’s pupils dilate at the words. No way she just said that.
“Model? Like a fashion model?”
“Of course! I mean sure mannequins work fine, but real ponies show shape and girth. And you are the perfect candidate!” Christian beams with pride and happiness. He was going to be a model! Like one of those Abercrombie guys…but for ponies. Christian could already imagine the flashes from cameras, the barrage of questions…
“But we will have to fix that gut of yours.” Christian’s brief moment of imaginary fame is cut off by the pierce of those words. He looks at Rarity angrily.
“Excuse me?” He says sternly. Rarity frowns and awkwardly walks away.
“Sorry Christian, that was a bit of a rude choice of words. But your pony body is a bit on the…Ahem…’Husky’ side.” Rarity was not kidding. Christian is utterly blindsided by the words she just said. “But do not worry! I have just the thing to help fix it!” She trots over to a clothing rack. Christian is still flabbergasting at what Rarity told him.
Aren’t you supposed to be proper and fancy or something? What the hay?! He wants to shout at her, but what comes out of his mouth is: “What?”
“She means you are fat!” Scootaloo shouts from the opposite end of the room as she erupts from a chest full of cloth. She is quickly followed by the other two, who start snickering at the remark. Christian shoots a deadly glare at the three fillies; who immediately shut up and slowly descend back into the fabric in a comedic style. Christian looks back toward Rarity’s direction to be caught off guard by another piece of fabric. It is white and resembles a cylinder of some sort. It has laces on one side and buttons on the other. The moment Christian saw it, he frowned.
“You are not getting me in that thing.” He says plainly.
“Oh come now Christian, most ponies I know wear corsets! It’s not only for mares you know!” Rarity insists. Christian rolls his eyes.
“Oh please, those things are death traps with lace!”
“Maybe for humans,” Rarity implies. “Have you ever tried one as a pony?” Christian raises a brow at her.
“I’m seventeen in human years, no I have never tried one!” Christian debates quite loudly. Rarity rolls her eyes at his childish battering and gets behind him. Before Christian can say no again, the next thing he knows, he has the historical rib-breaker over his head and halfway down his body. With a tug, Rarity pulls one of the laces, making Christian’s eyes bulge and his torso groan with pain. Inside his body, his ribs squeeze up against his lungs, making talking quite hard. Rarity continues pulling.
“See Christian…URP!...It Does not hurt that…much! Does it?” Christian can not answer, as he is pretty sure that by this time, at least three of his ribs have punctured a lung…and his liver. He can’t reply and continues to be at the mercy of the corset. With one final thug, Rarity tugs on the lace and makes the death trap shift his torso in by two inches. Christian cheeks puff up as he he’s ready to burst. Rarity gives him one of those ‘huge grins with cheerfully closed eyes’ while Christian is fighting for air. “Now we can get started!” Rarity turns around and starts looking through an assortment of clothes. Christian meanwhile is still suffering from the demonic chest wrap, but suddenly he starts hearing a ‘twanging’ sound. Seconds later, the corset snaps like a catapult and flings him across the room and into the same chest that the three fillies were in. A loud CRASH makes Rarity’s eyes become oceans of white as she turns to see even more clothes flung everywhere, turning the whole store into the same state as a teenager’s closet floor. Rarity puts a hoof on her head in disbelief. She groans, “Not a bigger mess…”
“Oh yea! Because that’s your biggest concern!” Sweetie Belle yells hanging off from one of the tall mirrors. Rarity gasps as she then notices Applebloom hanging on a coat rack and Scootaloo tacked to the wall. Christian meanwhile, is still in the chest, his eyes spinning around like the spin cycle in the wash.
“Oh dear, maybe that wasn’t the best idea…” The CMC’s and Christian haphazardly look at the white unicorn and scream simultaneously:
“YA THINK?!”
The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
Cloud Catastrophe And Cliffhangers
“Cloud moving!” Dash yells from above him. Christian and The Crusaders got to the outskirts of town just as Rainbow Dash had flown up to them. She was boastful and happy as always.
“Oh boy.” Christian says fatigued. “This won’t end well.”
“Nonsense! Watch, I’ll be right back!” she quickly flies up into the blue sky behind a layer of white and fluffy clouds. Seconds later, she descends down with a much darker but equally fluffy cloud. Christian tiptoes back a little at the sight of the probable storm cloud. Dash cocks a brow. “Seriously? It’s a cloud.”
“It looks as dark as night, Dash. I’m pretty sure bad things will happen if I touch it.”
“Nothing bad will happen, Christian!” Scootaloo shouts from a distance with the other two walking toward him. “If you can’t move clouds, you’ll just pass through it! No harm, no foul!” Christian continues to hesitate at touching the cloud. After being suffocated and almost eaten, he was definitely taking precautions this time.
“Better idea,” Christian says with a smart alike look on his face. “Just to be safe, let’s use a regular white cloud that doesn’t look dangerous in any way, shape, or form. How about it?” He gives Dash a big pleading smile along with some puppy dog eyes. Even Dash knew she could not turn away a look like that, despite how it was a little creepy. With a sigh, she starts to slowly head back up to the cloud layer.
“Ughhhhh, FINE! I’ll be right back AGAIN!” As she quietly ascends, Christian could hear her mumbling under her breath. “Just a stupid cloud, but nooooo! He has to be careful!” She vanishes among the white once more and again seconds later, she zips down with a smaller, much whiter cloud. Dash peeks out from the other side. “How’s this? Too white? Too Puffy? Need me to fluff it for ya like a pillow, or are you good?” She says sarcastically. Christian can’t help but laugh.
“It’s fine Dash, perfect even!” He says with a smile. Dash smirks and puts the cloud right in front of the darker storm cloud before floating up a bit so Christian can encircle the mass of evaporated water. “Now all I need to do to see if I can work with these things is to touch it?”
“Yup.” Scootaloo says, “If you can’t, your body will go right through it.”
“No tricks?”
“Nope.”
“You sure?”
“Would ya just touch it?! I don’t want to be here all day!” Dash shouts from above. Christian frowns at the comment.
“Remember that thing Twilight said about patience, Dash?”
“Don’t care, I’m getting bored.” She expresses with a long yawn.
“Fine then.” He and proceeds to raise a tan hoof up and slowly move toward the mass of white. In his mind, thoughts of some horrible catastrophe overtake him: Clouds exploding for no reason, a mini tornado forms and swallows him, the cloud suddenly becomes aware and flies down his throat to choke him. Christian pauses. Please, it looks like a harmless white cloud. What could happen? He thinks confidently. With a shrug, he thrusts the hoof forward into the vapor. Everypony blinks at the anti-climactic result, even Christian, who knew it was coming. “Huh, well that was…”
He was going to say ‘pointless’, but a more appropriate word now is ‘shocking’. Thanks to Dash’s placement of the two clouds, the storm cloud managed to connect to the normal white one. This lead to a reaction in the static electricity of the storm cloud to be transferred to the regular white one due to the lack of electricity, and if you have passed third grade you know what happens when a cloud collects enough electricity.
Christian forgot about this minor detail.
In seconds, thousands of volts are launched into his pony body, making him levitate in the air from sheer static as his body goes on display as an organic x-ray. Christian literally could not feel how much pain he was in, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Dash were enjoying the little show. They were murmuring “Ohh’s” and “Ahh’s” as his body kept getting hit with lightning. After what felt like an eternity for the tan stallion, which in reality was really only a few seconds, his hoof falls away from the newly formed death trap and he collapses onto the soft grass below him. The ponies peer over his slightly dark and singed body. Christian could faintly hear them over the sound of a bug zapper that was ringing in his ears.
“You think he’s okay?” Applebloom asks aloud. A moan from Christian answers her. Dash rolls her eyes.
“Yea, he’s fine. I’ve seen ponies take more than that!” She says with no sympathy in her voice.
“Are you sure, Dash?” Scootaloo questions, Christian’s eyes flicker open lazily. He could
“Yea, see?” Dash responds. “I knew he would be fine. Heck if he could take the Elements, he can take a tiny lightning bolt.” The Crusaders nod simultaneously.
“Alrighty then!” Sweetie Belle shouts enthusiastically, “Let’s get him to town for his next attempt!” Christian hears these words loud and clear. His brain kicks into overdrive, forcing his muscles to spring up from the ground and his vocal chords to play a very high note:
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The fillies jump at the surprise boom from the stallion. Dash gets flipped in the air a bit before stabilizing herself.
“What?!” Sweetie Belle asks frantically, “What’s wrong?!”
“No more attempts! No more talents! No more of this cutie mark business! You girls are driving me CRAZY!” He shouts as he stomps around like a colt with a temper tantrum.
“Oh come on Christian,” Applebloom says, disapproving his attitude. “All of these incidents are just some fluke.” Christian felt a blood vessel pop in his brain.
“Fluke? FLUKE?! This has happened THREE TIMES!” He points out angrily. “Just today, I’ve been chomped by a crocodile, choked by a corset, and conducted by a cloud!”
“Wow, nice alliteration!” Sweetie comments with a smile. Christian faces hoofs loudly, these girls were completely missing what he was saying. Were they not concerned by all of the close calls today?
“You’re missing the point! I've almost kicked the bucket three times today!”
“Well, maybe it’s just some bad luck is all!” Applebloom adds. Christian felt an eye twitch, and not in a ‘shock and awe’ way. More of a ‘I’m about to tell a bunch of little girls off’ kind of way.
“Bad luck?” He laughs at the suggestion, “Bad luck?” He repeats psychotically, making the fillies back away a bit from him as it reminded them of Twilight when she went mad. Thankfully, Christian calms down enough to explain himself. “You know, a thought just occurred to me:” He says, “If you girls are soooooo good at talents and the like, how come YOU three don’t have your cutie marks?” The small ponies instantly gain the most annoyed frowns he has ever seen, they were peeved at his word choice.
“The reason for that is because we haven’t found our talents yet,” Sweetie says. “but we are patient and we will keep trying until we succeed.” She ends with a snotty looks on her face, muzzle in the air, completely ignoring the aggressive stallion in front of her. The other two nod agreeing to their friend.
“Yea, unlike YOU who gives up after three attempts!” Scootaloo adds.
“Oh please Scoots,” Christian butts in, “out of everypony you should have found a talent in the sky by now, but you can’t even fly!” Now, Christian hated to extort weaknesses and disabilities, but by this time, his mouth was moving faster than his brain could process what he was going to say. Christian’s expression remained annoyed and angered at the small orange pegasus, but in his mind he was regretting the insult. Scootaloo became motionless and quiet after his sentence. Even Dash and her filly friends were speechless and the word choice. Christian glances at all of them periodically before shrugging of the blank looks and turning to start walking away. “I’m going to Twitlight’s to get fixed up, and then I’m going back to my original task.” He stops and turns his head partially, “Don’t follow me.” He says sternly before he continues limping a bit to Golden Oaks murmuring, “Ow…Ow…Ow…” which got quieter as he left the ponies’ field of vision.
Scootaloo remains motionless, sitting on the grass and not wavering at all. Her eyes were huge with confusion and disbelief and her mouth was partially agape, surprisingly with no drool dripping from her mouth. Dash rubs her head for a few seconds before for comforting her friend.
“Want me to go and chat with him?” She asks calmly. Scootaloo just nods a little. Dash complies and pats Scootaloo on the head in a soft, soothing manner. “Ok.” She starts off toward were Christian sauntered off. “Don’t worry Scoots, I know Christian didn’t mean it. He just needs to cool off for a bit.” Scoots nods again as Dash zips away after the charred pony, Sweetie and Applebloom take her place to comfort their friend.
“Dash is right, Scootaloo.” Applebloom assures.
“Yea, you know how Christian is a ticking time bomb of anger.” Sweetie adds. Scootaloo nods and finally speaks up in a very clear but depressed tone.
“Yea, I get it. I just didn’t expect it from him though.” She says as she gets up onto her hooves. “I mean, he just up and said it, no warning.”
“Too be fair, he did almost get zapped out of his fur.” Sweetie says. Scootaloo nods as she knew he was not the only pony at fault here. She looks at her friends and grows and uneasy smile.
“And choked and almost eaten, we do owe him some sort of an apology. Do you think they make, ‘Sorry you almost got wasted three times’ cards?” She asks jokingly. He friends giggle a bit and nod agreeing with their now happy friend.
“Alright, let’s go trade apologies.” Applebloom dictates as they start walking toward were the other two ponies left to.
“Awwww, leaving so soon?” A mocking voice says behind them. The three fillies look at each other, all of them exchanging glances of nervousness and confusion.
“Yea, why don’t you stick around?” A differently toned but equally annoying second voice asks. The fillies keep the looks frozen on their faces, not daring to turn toward the source of the voices. But Scootaloo feels differently. She turns first and faces the voices, her eyes cross and her mouth curled into an angry frown. She didn’t need more trouble on top of this Christian thing. Turning showed her three pegesi floating above her. To her, they seemed sort of familiar, especially the one in the middle with the dumb-bell as a cutie mark.
“Well, well, looky here; just what we were after, Rainbow Crash’s blank flank sister!” The one in the middle declares. Scootaloo rolls her eyes again.
“Seriously, why does everypony think that?! We are not related!” The middle pegasus shrugs as the other two fillies turn to face the source of Scootaloo’s irritation. They gasp at the three pegesi, making the loud pony on the left holler:
“Aww, and look at her wittle friends! They’re all blank flanks!” The middle one laughs at his friend’s remark.
“Yea, like that stupid stallion from earlier today!” The three fillies quickly figure out that these idiots must be the reason why Christian wanted to find a cutie mark so badly. Scootaloo, while wanting to address who Christian really was, instead decides to point out something else.
“You know, if it took you morons that long to figure out we had no cutie marks, then you need serious help. The only one here who should get a pass is Long Hair on the right there. The two other fillies giggle at the somewhat clever remark. The middle pegasus does not make an emotion toward the strange insult to his friend, instead he nods and instantly, the shady right pegasus bolts forward and grabs Scootaloo without warning.
“SCOOTALOO!” Her friends shriek, helpless as there friend is hoisted into the air. Scootaloo herself starts to freak out, kicking wildly and failing about at the sudden change of events.
“HEY! Put me down you big jerk! Whatta think you’re doing?!” She shouts. The middle stallion pays no attention and instead descends in front of Sweetie and Applebloom, who are getting on the offensive. Applebloom starts demanding orders at the older ponies in front of her.
“Now, hear this bub! Y’all are going to…”
“No, you hear this!” The middle stallion yells back, making the filly’s mouth instantly fold in on itself in silence. “This is what you two are going to do: You are going to tell your little friend Rainbow Crash about how we have her friend here, and that if she ever wants her back, she’ll come to the southwest side of the Everfree Forest,” He forcefully leans into Applebloom’s muzzle, “Got it?” Applebloom nods quickly.
“Why are you telling us this?” Sweetie points out. The stallion starts floating up back to his friends before he replies.
“Because that’s none of your business, blank flank!” He turns toward his friends, “C’mon guys, we need to go.” They both nod toward their assumed leader and fly off toward the forest, Scootaloo’s cries for help now muffled by the hoof of the bulkier stallion. With no indication necessary for each other, the two fillies look at each other with assurance for a split second before dashing off to Golden Oaks as fast as their little hooves can carry them. A single thought echoing through their minds: Determination on getting their friend back.
The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
And Then Trixie Ruins Everything
“Christian, don’t you think you were a little hard on them?” Twilight asks as she flips through some books to find a spell to heal burns and scorch marks.
“Of course Twitty, but you know what happens when I get worked up.” He says, lying down on a table to avoid any more irritation. Twilight trots over, levitating the book over Christian. “I hate getting angry, and ever since I’ve come here, it’s happened three times.”
“Well Christian, two of those times it was relevant.” Twilight says. “But this time, a quiet little talk to them would have worked fine! Insults and yelling get you nowhere.”
“I know, I know.”
“Now, you going to may feel a little bit of tingling, that’s normal.” Twilight says as she places the book onto Christian’s table. A faint lavender glow starts to envelop her horn as she starts to quietly focus on her conjuring. Christian braces himself, as his last encounter with magic wasn’t pleasant. He waits in agonizing torment to feel a jolt of pain. “And…Done!” Christian’s eyes fly open as he glances at his restored tan fur. He presses a hoof against his stomach; it no longer hurt to the touch.
“Huh? I didn’t even feel a thing!” He exclaims. Twilight giggles under her hoof.
“It’s no problem Christian, although I did sense a bit more static electricity in your body.”
“That bad?”
“No, just weird.”
“Alright, then why bother…” Christian gets cut off by the whoosh of the door flying open followed by a blue blur zipping in at breakneck speed. It picks up Christian and slams him against the roof. Christian’s view is suddenly filled with the Rainbow Dash’s face as he is fastened to the roof by her forehooves.
“WHAT is wrong with you?!” She yells into his face. Christian feels her spit onto his temple; but considering why she was mad, he didn’t really care.
“I know, I know, I screwed up!” He replies. Dash is surprised that he actually understood what he did after his outburst. The very thought gave her a blank look right across her face.
“You do?” She replies quizzically. Dash assumed she would have to shout some sense into him, but she should have learned from past experiences that Christian always regrets a stupid decision.
“Of course, Dash. But of course, my anger gets the best of me and I end up regretting whatever I spout in my rage filled tantrum.” He replies as he nods a bit. Dash gently descends back down and drops the stallion back onto the floor.
“Well, your anger is always a problem.” Twilight adds. “You really need to get that under control.”
“Trust me; I’ve been working on it.” Christian says confidently.
“I know, I’ve seen you conceal it occasionally;” Twilight starts to explain. “But you need to be a bit more patient sometimes in harder situa-“
“There you go with patience again!” Christian interrupts the unicorn and starts yelling at her, annoyed about her babbling with patience. “What is with you and that word?! You’ve been saying it to Dash all day, and now you’re telling me! Give it rest! It’s not like patience is going to become important for the rest of the day!” Suddenly, the distressed mood of the room is broken in seconds by the door flying open faster than Dash can turn her head. It slams into the wall causing bookshelves to rattle and shake at the vibrations. The noise camouflages the patter of small hooves slamming onto the floor. Sweetie and Applebloom were the culprits, now jumping and yelling around Rainbow Dash clearly about something urgent; but it is hard to tell with the yelling.
“DASH! DASH!”
“HELP! NOW!
“SCOOTALOO! EVERFREE! PLAN!”
“Wait a minute, WAIT A MINUTE!” Dash screams over the fillies to silence them, making everything quiet in a matter of seconds. Everypony turns their attention to Applebloom and Sweetie, besides Dash, who is trying to comprehend what the yelling was all about.
“What’s going on? Where is Scootaloo?” She asks calmly but on the edge of concern. Sweetie and Applebloom look at each other worryingly, silently deciding which one of them should tell her. Finally the two of them turn towards the others.
“Well you see,” Applebloom says suddenly. “After you left to go chase after Christian; these three pegesi came outta nowhere! They started insultin’ us and then they snatched up Scootaloo!”
“WHAT?!” Dash’s words explode out of her mouth.
“Then they started babblin’ about some plan in the southwestern part of Everfree Forest and told us to tell you before flyin’ off.”
“Must be the same three that were bulling me earlier,” Christian adds; “Looks like they’re back for more.”
“We have to go get Scootaloo! Who knows what they’ll do to her!” Dash goes for the door at breakneck speed. Christian quickly intervenes by jumping in front of her.
“Dash, this is obviously a trap! Why else would they tell Applebloom and Sweetie to come and tell us?”
“I don’t care! I can handle those three idiots! Now get outta my way!” Dash pushes the stallion aside and bolts outside. Christian scrambles up to his hooves.
“Figures.” He says, glaring angrily at the open door. “Looks like I need to get after her.” He turns back to the others. “Twitty, I’m going to need to get a bit ahead. You can magically teleport me to Everfree right?” Twilight rolls her eyes at the stupid question.
“Yes, Christian.” She says, holding back every insult about missing the obvious. “But if this is a trap, you’ll need some help.”
“And considering that Scoots is our friend,” Sweetie adds sternly as Applebloom walks up next to her. “We’re coming too.” Christian nods. It is only three idiot pegesi, Christian thought. Can’t be that hard with Twilight and Dash, right?
“Fine. Now let’s go, Dash is probably there by now.” Twilight answers him with not a second to spare as everypony in the house is enveloped in a purple light. After a brief flash that fills the entirety of the library, they vanish.
Meanwhile, Dash has already zipped her way to Everfree’s southwest side. She flies around the outside screaming: “Scootaloo?! Scoots?! Where are you?!” but no answer is given. She soars back down to the ground and rushes right into the forest, still yelling for her little friend. She jumps over branches and fallen trees trying to find something, anything that looks relatively like Scootaloo. Dash stops for a second for a quick look around, nothing but endless forest. But sight is not what tips her off.
“Help!…Dash!…Sweetie!…Anypony!…” Dash raises an ear up at the faint cries. Quickly she pinpoints the source and starts moving again. At least twenty feet behind her, Christian is dashing toward her as fast as his hooves can carry him. She is pretty far, but Christian can still just barely see her rainbow tail in the distance. Then he starts yelling.
“Dash! DASH! Stop!” Dash could not hear him, for she just leapt behind a few think trees and into an open clearing smack dab in the middle of the forest. She quickly looks side to side, but saw nothing.
“Dash!” She quickly looks up to see her orange friend dangling from a tree branch above in some sort of dark colored rope. Happy, she floats up to retrieve her.
“Scootaloo! Thanks Celestia you’re alright!” As she reaches the pegasus, Christian emerges from the think forest just in time to see Dash trying to untangle Scootaloo. Knowing full well what is about to happen he shouts:
“Dash! Stop it’s a…” Just has he is about to finish his warning, Christian feels a powerful blow to the back of his head. He falls to ground like a sack of potatoes, his eyes barely open as he starts to feel himself losing consciousness. Through the little bit of vision that he has, he sees a dark force grabbing and pulling Rainbow Dash away from Scootaloo. But before he is knocked out, something makes his adrenaline kick in and perk him up instantly. Tucked away in the dark, Christian can faintly make out a bit of blue…Periwinkle blue.
“T-Trixie?!” His eyes dart open as the accused unicorn steps out more from the dark. She has an evil grin and narrowed eyes on her face. Christian growls through a tight frown at her appearance. “So, you’re the dark pony that has the town worried?”
“Duh Christian, who else would radiate black magic?” She says annoyed. Christian’s eyes grow wide, but not at her statement:
“What?! How did you know it was me?” He asks shocked. He knew Trixie had never seen him as a pony, how did she figure it out already? Trixie flashes a smart alike glance.
“What other pony has a crossbow on his hoof?” She asks. Christian looks over to the object in question in hate; silently cursing the fact that he still had it on.
“I wouldn’t worry about it; he can’t hit the broad side of a barn!” A voice yells behind him. Christian goes to turn; but is quickly plucked from the dirt by two pegesi, his forehooves are quickly pulled behind him as he is forced to his hind legs. Out of the corner of his eye, Christian sees the figures of Hoops and Score looming over him in the air with mocking looks of success on their faces. Christian looks back to the unicorn, who breaks into a barrage of cackles before once again speaking to Christian.
“Oh, I am going to enjoy THIS!”
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The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark
I Got Lazy And Didn't Give This Chapter A Name Because This Chapter Has Taken Me Four Months
Christian keeps his narrowed eyes and frown locked onto Trixie, who is boasting about her most current success. After all, capturing Rainbow Dash was no easy feat; and lucky her that Christian just so happened to chase Dash into the forest. Eyeing her bonus prisoner, she trots up to Christian triumphantly.
“Ahhh, looks like The Great and Powerful Trixie can finally get back at the stallion who ruined my plans before!” She hisses to Christian’s face as he struggles to break free of his two captors’ grip; yet H oops and Score keep his body at bay. He replies to Trixie with a growl, which amuses her. “Cute, you still think you’re a threat.” She says while tapping his head like a dog. “Now then, Trixie does not want to delay her revenge any further!” She walks back to the tree which Rainbow Dash is now firmly bound to by pitch black chains, thanks to Trixie’s magic. Trixie glances up to Dash, who is too irate at her detainment and concerned about Scootaloo’s wellbeing to mouth off to the unicorn. It does not matter though, as Trixie reads her face like a spell book. “Don’t worry Dashie, you little friend won’t be harmed as long as you submit to your fate...”
“Alright I’m barging in your little speech here; you’re not making any sense!” Christian shouts from behind. Trixie whips around, angry that he, her prisoner, would interrupt her.
“What do you mean Christian?” She says as her muzzle meets his.
“Well for starters; when did you learn black magic?” He asks. Trixie cocks a brow.
“Trixie knows you’re kidding right?” She says flatly. Christian’s eyes roll, of course he knew THAT part of the answer.
“How did he teach you?” He growls into her face. Trixie gives a malicious smile and steps back.
“Spirits are capable of many things.” She responds. “Paradox knows a great deal of black magic from the past, he has been reciting spells and chants to Trixie to increase her potential.” Christian still barely understands the concept of magic, but all he wanted to hear was about her new relationship with Paradork. He smiles, hoping to coax her further.
“Alright, next question: What are you want with Dash? Why her? What plan do you have for her?” Trixie laughs a bit at his question before responding.
“Trixie may be boastful, but not stupid. She will never tell! Just know that Paradox is in need of one of the Elements of Harmony for a certain project he is looking into. Dash was an easy target, and these three dunces were easy to hire to grab her little friend so she can lure Dash here for Trixie’s trap.” Christian grins, once again getting most of the information from Trixie’s big mouth.
“Exactly what I needed to hear, although that "stupid" thing is debatable.” Christian snaps at her. Without missing a beat, Trixie whips around and fires off a single shot of black magic toward the smart alike. Christian reacts with a quick gasp before his face is engulfed in darkness, leaving only his ears and nose exposed to the outside world. Instantly he starts panicking, but his voice becomes a mere muffle to the surrounding ponies.
“That’ll teach you to talk back to The Great and Powerful Trixie!” She shouts victoriously.
“Why did you also blind him?” Dash yells from behind her. Trixie looks back at the detained pony, flummoxed at her question.
“He gets the benefit of not seeing what Trixie will do if you don’t comply, Dashie.” Trixie says sternly.
“Oh, I’m shaking Trixie!” Dash says sarcastically. “No, really. I’m shaking in fear right now!” Her eyes are rolling right at the unicorn.
“Oh poor Dash, you think Trixie is going to hurt YOU! Predictable.” She says mockingly. Dash’s grin quickly vanishes. “No, no; Trixie will be using your little flightless friend as an example if you don’t give in. Which being the Element of Loyalty and all should take A LOT of convincing!” Trixie cackles out loud at Dash, who’s body tenses up at the very thought of Scootaloo getting hurt in any way, shape, or form. Christian, who hears the rest of Trixie’s plan through his dark mask; starts trying to yell at the crazed lunatic; but only a few muffled yells make it through his magic gag.
“Mu somb om a mare!” Is all that that is heard from him. Trixie turns toward her other captive.
“Oh Christian, Trixie bets that was some sort of smart alike remark yes?”
“Go buc irself!” He tries to yell again. Trixie laughs once again.
“Well, since Trixie knows you will not be interfering; Let’s get started.” She taps a hoof a few times. “Dumb Bell! Trixie needs you!”
“Alright! Alright! Quit yelling in the third person! Driving me nuts over here!” Dumb Bell yells as he hovers down with Scootaloo in tow. Scootaloo looks over at Dash, worry and tears in her eyes.
“Dash! Help me!”
“Scootaloo!” Dash screams. “You better not hurt her! Or I swear on Celestia…”
“Well, that’s up to you Dash. Either comply with Trixie or well...” Trixie says maliciously. Dash stares at her little filly friend helplessly as she is carried to Trixie.
“What do we do with her?” Dumb Bell asks.
“Well, let’s just see what Dash has to say for herself, hmm?” Trixie replies.
“Dash, don’t do it. Don’t go with them!” Scootaloo yells at her. Dash looks up with tears in her eyes. What choice did she have? It was either surrender and go with Trixie, or say no and end up hurting Scootaloo. She quickly decides to not answer to avoid any repercussions. Trixie, knowing exactly what she was up to; decides to change the deal
“Well, it seems that without an answer we appear to be at an impasse.” Trixie states, “Lucky for you, Trixie knows exactly how to fix this little problem.” She turns toward her cohort. “Dumb Bell; please show our captive here what happens when you don’t give a definitive answer.” Dumb Bell grins widely as he brings Scootaloo in front of Dash and starts laughing in front of her.
“Gladly. I’ve been dying to do this all day!” Dumb Bell goes to raise a hoof to Scootaloo. Dash, thinking over her decisions, comes to a answer but only to object to Trixie’s decision.
“Wait, stop! Alright! Alright! I’ll go with Trixie!” Dash musters out of her mouth. Dumb Bell laughs at the retort.
“Sorry Dashie, but you were a bit too late to respond. Besides, I DESERVE this for a long day of toiling for Trixie all day.” He laughs as he goes to raise his hoof again; but this time Trixie stops him.
“That’s not necessary anymore Dumb Bell. You can drop the act now.” She says seriously while nudging him with a hoof. Dumb Bell throws her hoof aside.
“Act? You kidding? I’ve been waiting to do this ALL DAY!” He shouts happily. Trixie’s expression changes from seriousness to shock. Dumb Bell is supposed to use hurting Scootaloo as a threat, not actually injure her! Trixie screams in her head.
“Dumb Bell, you and Trixie both know that the agreement we had was…”
“Forget your ‘agreement’!” Dumb Bell yells as he cuts Trixie off. “You can keep the bits, I’ve wanted to see Rainbow squirm ever since she made me look like a joke in front of everypony; and now that I have that chance; I’m not going to let it get taken from me!” He laughs triumphantly at his double cross of the pegasus, who is now gritting her teeth in rage.
“Paradox will be most unpleased with your betrayal, Dumb Bell.” Trixie says angrily, “But he shall be pleased once he hears how The Great and Powerful Trixie has disposed of y…”
ZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!
Trixie suddenly finds herself suddenly entangled in a lavender magic wrap and is promptly tossed to the ground as a result. Reeling at trying to discover what caused the event, a stomp of a mulberry hoof next to her gives her a clue.
“Well surprise, surprise; it was Trixie after all Christian!” Twilight yells behind her, not knowing that Christian is blind and speechless from Trixie’s magic. Through the dark gag, Christian smiles with relief that Twilight, Sweetie, and Applebloom have finally caught up. While not being able to see what is going on, Christian is sixty percent confident that Twilight can handle everything.
“Uhh Twilight, I think Christian knew about that.” Sweetie says while pointing to a faceless tan pony being held captive. Twilight eyes the lightless magic enveloping Christian’s face and quickly glares down at Trixie.
“Alright Trixie, you have five seconds to get that stuff off of Christian’s face and to release him!” She yells.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie can perform none of those tasks as you have ensnared my horn; and Dumb Bell is the one who is in control of those ponies!” Trixie states, irked; Twilight makes a puzzled face at her.
“Dumb Bell? Who’s Dumb…”
THWACK!
THUMP!
“TWILIGHT!”
“Moh com omn!” Christian yells as he knowingly hears Dumb Bell knocking Twilight unconscious and the yells of the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders as it occurs. How did Twilight not see him before?! Christian screams inside his head.
“Well, that was easy. Hoops! Get the purple one and her little blank flanks here!” Hoops complies as some pressure is taken off of Christian’s fore hooves and, a few seconds later, he hears the sound of a few fillies growling next to him.
“Hey Christian, how y’all doing?” An annoyed Applebloom asks. Christian cocks his head and attempts to give an expression of raising a brow toward the filly. Applebloom does not need to understand the facial expression to understand him. “Oh right, sorry.” Christian nods at the apology before facing forward to where Dumb Bell is.
“Now that every interruption is out of the way, I can now do with what I please with Dash’s little friend!”
“I swear, if you hurt even a hair on her, I’m going to…”
“Awwww, what will you do Crash? Did you forget that you’re STUCK TO A TREE?! HAHAHAHA!” Dumb Bell booms with gusto. “I think one strong, swift punch to this blank flank; then I can crush you, Crash! What do you think?”
“Suck an egg!” Dash replies gravely.
“Yea, was not looking for that answer. The correct answers were…”
As Dumb Bell spews out a list of viable answers to his half-witted question, Sweetie looks toward Christian and sighs.
“C’mon Christian, do you have any plan here?” Christian lightly tilts his head toward her and gives a powerful and visible sigh from his chest.
A plan to get out of this? He thinks to himself; Yea, call me back in about twenty years. I got nothing! A plethora of thoughts wrack at his mind, trying to come up with something to work with; but only one thing stays with him securely: If only Dash and I weren’t so impatient; Dash wouldn’t have raced off into a trap, and I wouldn’t have yelled at the girls, resulting in Scootaloo’s capture. That word hangs in Christian’s mind: Patience…Patience… He remembers when he first shot his bow today, it was quick and not well thought out. He didn’t account for the difference of height in his pony body compared to his human body; making his dart susceptible to different sets of stimuli that would affect the dart’s trajectory. He also didn’t wait, his anger once again made him rush his actions and not aim down his sights after his first shot. If he just was a bit more patient instead of trying to show off, he would have hit Dumb Bell and his cronies in the first three darts and this entire thing could have been avoided. Bingo . Christian knows this entire mess is his fault, and now he knows how to fix it.
“…And I also would have taken ‘Punch me in the face, Dumb Bell!’!” Dumb Bell finally finishes his annoying rant of answers and pull’s his muzzle out of Dash’s face. He returns to the center of the clearing to continue his fun. “Now, to get back on track on what I was doing; Time for makeover for this blank flank!” Dumb Bell goes to raise a hoof toward the sky to gear up for a sucker punch. Sweetie and Applebloom gasp and shut their eyes, with Sweetie peeking out anyway. Dash struggles against her magic binds to try and free herself but it’s no use.
“Scootaloo! NO!” She yells defiantly at Dumb Bell’s actions.
“Ha ha! This is because of you Rainbow Crash! Remember it well!” Dumb Bell laughs again and starts winding his hoof for maximum power. Sweetie glances back at Christian, who was deathly silent.
“C…Christian?” She asks concerned.
Christian does not respond, as he is in an immense focused state. Realizing that now without Hoops also holding down his fore hooves; he could potentially break free and fire a dart at Dumb Bell. What he needs to do is focus on where Dumb Bell is. Through his blinded vision, he focuses on Dumb Bell’s voice which, thanks to his loud mouth and constant boasting; he easily pinpoints Dumb Bell’s location as floating five feet above the dead center of the clearing; which is perfect for Christian; as that’s a few feet in front of his blinded face. The only thing that concerns Christian is where Scootaloo is being held; as Christian knows he can just as easily hit her instead of his intended target. All he needs is just a bit of noise from Scootaloo…
“Now little blank flank, just know that this is all because of your big sister!” Dumb Bell yells, now fired up and ready to launch his fist. Scootaloo’s eye starts twitching wildly. Seriously, this was like the third time today! Scootaloo thinks to herself. She was about ready to lose it at this point. Christian smiles under his magical muzzle. This is just what he was waiting for.
“Dash is NOT MY SISTER!” She shrieks at the top of her tiny lungs. “Although I wish it were true!” She adds in at the end. Christian hears the filly loud and clear; she was being held in Dumb Bell’s right forehoof. The rest of him was a clear target. Christian slowly inhales as he finalizes his dart and gets ready to move. Dumb Bell meanwhile, shrugs off Scootaloo’s comment and goes to bring down his hoof. Christian exhales as he quickly twists his left forehoof and pulls it away from Score; who is shocked at his captive’s sudden movement. Christian throws his hoof forward and flicks his hoof to fire off the dart that is already loaded in from earlier today. Sweetie, Dash, and Applebloom all hold their breath at Christian’s literal shot in the dark. Scootaloo braces for a sucker punch straight for her eye and shuts her eyes tight, waiting for it. After a few seconds, she grows a bit confused as to why she didn’t get hit yet. She slowly opens her eyes to see Dumb Bell’s hoof frozen mere inches in front of her left eye. Quizzical, she notices something sticking out of his fur, just above the hoof. It is a glass dart with some enigmatic green liquid in it.
Dumb Bell could not believe his eyes.
He glances at the blinded pony before him, then at the dart, then back at Christian. Slowly, the liquid inside slowly started taking effect, but Dumb Bell is stronger than most ponies; the serum would take a bit longer. Staggering, Dumb Bell spoke:
“What the? How did you hit me? You can’t hit the side…of…a…barn…”Christian, upon hearing Dumb Bell’s words, smiles and marches toward the slowed pegesi; Dumb Bell however, expected this. With his last bit of strength before the dart can really kick in, he shouts: “Hoops!...Score!...Get him!” He says weakly. Christian hears hoof steps shuffle and wings flapping behind him. Quickly, he ducks out of the way of the two pegasus flying above him. They soar into Dumb Bell, with all three of them crashing into a tree. Christian quickly gets up and fires off three more darts just to make sure the three stooges do not get up anytime soon.
“Oof, how did he manage to do that?!” Yells Hoops to the other two. Score replies with a soft growl, implying that Hoops should shut up; then ends it with a small roar, implying that he too, has been hit.
“OW!” Yells a mare to Christian’s side. Christian smiles again, that last dart is meant for the periwinkle unicorn that blinded him in the first place. “Christian! You just shot The…Great…and Powerful…Trix…” She says as she succumbs to the dart’s effects. Suddenly, Christian’s vision becomes intensely bright and he can breathe out of his mouth again. The black magic over his face has dissipated.
“Geez, didn’t realize how bright it was here.” He says as he rubs his eyes with a hoof. He takes a look around to see just what the heck happened. “Okay let’s see, Three pegesi mashed into a pile, Trixie sleeping soundly in…what is that? Nylon rope? Whatever. And then there’s…”
“Mmhmh Wha?” Twilight says as she comes to from unconsciousness. Christian quickly turns and rushes to her.
“You alright, Twitty?” He asks, concerned. Twilight gets up and starts rubbing the side of her head.
“Besides the bruise on my head, I’m fine. What happened while I was out?” She asks.
“Apparently Christian learned how to use his crossbow.” Dash says, floating toward them swiftly. Twilight looks at the tan stallion curiously. Christian just smiles.
“Well, that explains the pile of pegesi over there.”
“Yea, you were right about the whole patience thing, I guess.” Christian points out while adjusting his crossbow. Twilight laughs a bit. The sheer thought of Christian actually listening to her just made her laugh.
“Oh c’mon Christian, there had to be another reason for you to actually do this…”
“HEY!” Christian quickly intervenes by shouting above Twilight’s voice. “I had plenty of reasons! For one, I protect you girls as it is my bloody job! You know that, Dash knows that; buck, the town knows that! If those stupid pegesi…”
“And Trixie.” Adds Sweetie Belle.
“And Trixie,” Christian continues. “Think they can kidnap young foals AND make fun of them for not having a mark on their butts AND kidnap Dash for Celestia-knows-what evil reason; then you know what? BUCK’EM!” He shouts disgruntled. The girls begin nodding in agreement. “And secondly,” He says as he walks over to Scootaloo, who was just getting to her hooves. “I did it to apologize.” He says flatly. “Scoots, I didn’t mean a thing I said back there; not a thing.” He says sorrowfully.
“I know you didn’t Christian.” Scoots says.
“Actually, we should be the ones apologizing for uh… almost making you kick the bucket so to speak.” Sweetie says behind him.
“Yea, three times.” Applebloom adds in.
“Meh, water under the bridge; plus, if I can take the elements, I can take a crocodile, a corset, and a cloud!”
“He is pretty a good with alliteration!” Twilight whispers to Dash.
“And another thing!” Christian shouts to the fillies. “You know what? Who cares if I do or don’t have a cutie mark! I don’t! Heck, we humans don’t need a mark on our butts to tell us what we’re good at! We just do what we love darn it!” He smiles determined. So he didn’t have a cutie mark. Big deal! Christian could honestly care less about the whole ordeal. He looks over to the small ponies, even if he didn’t want his cutie mark, he didn’t want to put the girls down. “If you girls want to get your cutie marks, if it means a lot to you ponies; then I know you girls will get it. And it will be AWESOME!” He finishes his little speech and the little girls smiled at him. Christian smiled back, but it seems that the girls’ smiles were beaming and focused on something. Christian starts to back up a bit, a little creped out at this point. Twilight puts a hoof to stop him and sighs, also smiling, but more like laughing a bit really.
“What are you talking about?” He asks, confused. Twilight points a hoof toward his tail. Christian, still confused turns his head a bit and…“Are you bucking kidding me?” He says teed off. He could not believe what he is staring at. His bloody cutie mark: A crossbow. “Like seriously? How come this didn’t show up when I hit Rarity in the air on a bloody hang glider?!”
“Probably cause you were human at the time.” Dash adds in. Christian looks at her disgruntled and sighs. He just went through all of this stupidity, kidnappings, and Trixie just so his cutie mark could be something obvious?
“Your entire cutie mark situation is flawed.” Christian says to Dash and Twilight. They both shrug.
“I guess for humans it is. We really didn’t account on a human becoming a pony!” Twilight shouts. Christian shrugs her off.
“Whatever, let’s just bring Trixie to the castle and…Ok, where did she go?” Christian says while staring at the rope that was holding the unicorn captive. Now, the rope was empty; and a trail off a few hoof prints left into the depths of the forest. Christian lets out another angry sigh. “You know what? Forget it. I’m gonna go home and eat a…sandwich or something. Just get those three morons to the castle, I’m done for today. Just done.” And with that, he stomps out of Everfree Forest, leaving the five ponies to sit there, puzzled and confused on how bizarre the whole day has been for them.
Author's Note
THANK GOD AND CELESTIA AND JESUS! I CAN FINALLY MOVE ON TO MAKE NEXT STORY! One that will get back on track, using the new story system I've developed and hopefully bring some action back into my stories! I don't think I'll be throwing a curve ball story like this one for a while after this mess.
