Oh, Spoony

by Jondor

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1684

It's tough being the middle pony.

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie share a bed. Very little sleep happens. No, that's not why.

Written for the Random Polyamory Game in the Intelligent Shipping Discussion group.

The silly little tale that unwittingly spawned the Spoonyverse.

Editing pass done by everypony's favorite steampunk e-reader: bookplayer.

Cover art is some of my blind bag toys, because why not?

Published 2013-09-17 08:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-28 16:50:36 UTC

Oh, Spoony

Applejack felt it again, but tried hard to ignore it. She had no idea what time it was, and didn’t dare move so she could see the clock. She simply thanked Celestia that tomorrow was her day off from farm work, and tried to clear her mind so that sleep would return.

She felt it one more time; that swish of a tail against her leg. Normally it was a feeling she liked, especially feeling that bristly tail brush against her flank, but right now it was keeping her from her sleep. She sighed softly and tried to ignore it, pressing her head more firmly into the pillow. She was just barely on the verge of sleep when Dash’s tail whipped across her leg again, accompanied by a groan from the other side of the bed.

Pinkie sat up and glared down at the pony who had been cuddling her. “I can’t sleep! Dashie keeps tickling me with her wings!” she grumbled, folding her forehooves over her chest and bopping Dash over the head with her tail.

Rainbow blinked blearily. “What? I was dreaming. Flying with the Wonderbolts. Spitfire wanted to try some kinda new move where we all had to touch wingtips. A Kolvoord Starburst or something. ‘Sides, I thought you liked wing hugs,” she mumbled, burying her head back into the pillow. “AJ, tell Pinkie to go back to sleep.” Dash groped at the thin air where Pinkie so recently was, trying to pull her back into her grasp.

“You’ve been whippin’ me with yer tail too,” Applejack grumbled, taking Pinkie’s side. “You’re makin’ trouble bein’ in the middle, so you get ta be the little spoon tonight, Dash. Pinkie, you’re the middle spoon.”

There was some grumbling and a squawk from Dash as Pinkie crawled over her and nestled in between her marefriends, hugging Dash close to her chest and snuggling into AJ’s embrace. All three laid their heads back down on the pillow and closed their eyes, eager to get back to sleep.

“Night, y’all.”

“Nighty night!”

“Night, guys.”

***

Some time later, Applejack knew that this arrangement was not going to work either. When she first laid down again, the pink mane she had buried her face in was a great comfort. It was soft, warm, and smelled faintly of vanilla and freshly baked cupcakes.

However, she woke up to find it was changing shape. Medusa-like tendrils trailed all over her upper body, wrapping around her limbs, caressing her back and chest, and tickling her hooves and snout. Farther down, Pinkie’s tail had split into two ponytails and was wrapping around each of her hind legs in like fashion.

She had to admit that it was kind of pleasant, in a nightmarishly creepy sort of way, but it was definitely not sleep inducing. Before she could muster the courage to slow her pounding heart and say, or scream, something to make it stop, there was a barking yip, worthy of Winona, from the far end of the bed.

Rainbow Dash sat up this time, her wings flared indignantly, her forehooves shaking Pinkie awake. Applejack stopped shaking and breathed a sigh of relief as Pinkie’s mane receded, turning back into its usual pleasant, poofy shape.

“I can’t sleep like this!” Dash moaned. “She kept biting my ear and licking my mane like I was an ice cream cone or something!”

“Mmm… Dashie is the best flavor,” Pinkie mumbled, grabbing at thin air with her forehooves. “I was having a really fun dream. I was all tied up and there was a big tub of pudding...” She trailed off, mumbling incoherently about the strange things that only she, and possibly Princess Luna, would ever see.

“Guess that explains it,” Applejack grumbled. “That was… That was something else.” Applejack shuddered and reluctantly sat up. “Scoot over, sugarcube. Pinkie, you’re the big spoon now. Y’all can keep that mane an’ tail ta yerself if yer gonna dream about whatever it was y’all were dreamin’. I’m takin’ the middle spoon ta separate you two trouble makers.”

After some more shuffling of bodies, Applejack wrapped Rainbow up in her embrace while Pinkie cuddled up to her back. Soon enough, their breathing became slow and even as all three ponies drifted back into sleep for a third time.

“Night.” All three voices mumbled at once.

***

Applejack woke up with a snort. She had to blink several times before her vision cleared. When she could finally focus, she looked up to see an angry pony on either side of her, their hooves both poking her in the ribs. “What in tarnation?” she asked, her voice still hoarse and gravelly.

“You kicked me!” Both of her bedmates said in unison.

“You kept jamming your knee into my thigh!” Dash cried, rubbing the offended limb.

“You kept smacking your hoof into my shin!” Pinkie wailed, also rubbing her bruised leg.

“Sorry, y’all. I was dreamin’ about buckin’ all the trees in the north field. Dunno why, it ain’t gonna be applebuck season fer another couple months now.” Applejack hung her head.

“Well, who’s going to be what spoon now?!” both of Applejack’s bedmates spat, glaring daggers at her. Applejack herself cringed, glared, and turned away.

For a few moments, all three ponies sat up in bed, grumbling and not looking at each other. Each of them was too embarrassed to meet each other’s gaze, and too angry to speak without shouting.

Just as they were starting to cool off, but before they could reconcile, the bedroom door burst open and banged hard against the wall. Big McIntosh stood in the open frame, his large shadowy form backlit by the hall light.

“Alright, y’all,” he drawled, “Ah know it ain’t easy fittin’ three ponies all comfortable like in one bed, an’ Ah know y’all ain’t got no duties in the mornin’.” He paused to take a breath. “But some of us do gotta be up with the roosters in a couple hours. So, if y’all’d kindly quit makin’ so much Celestia damned racket, me an’ Caramel an’ Thunderlane would like ta get some shut eye!”

His speech delivered, he banged the door closed again. All three ponies winced at the loud slam of the door against the jamb and with silent looks of resignation, agreed to each sleep separately for the night.

Author's Note

Kolvoord Starburst

Bonus Chapter: The Other Room

Thunderlane’s ear quirked. The silence of the night had broken just enough to wake him from his slumber. He wasn’t sure what the noise was, nor did it seem that important. He tried to ignore it and return to sleep. A slight shuffling both in front of, and behind him killed that idea.

“You guys hear that too?” he murmured.

“S’just mah sister an’ her marefriends,” came the deep, rumbling voice behind him. Thunderlane scrunched up his muzzle; Mac’s chest rumbled when he spoke in bed and that always tickled his feathers and made his wings itch.

“Hey, Cara. Switch with me?” he inquired of the smaller pony he held against his chest.

“Hmm? I guess... Sure.” A squeak of bedsprings accompanied the shuffling of bodies.

Thunderlane sighed happily, his wings now relieved. All three ponies drifted back to sleep.

***

Caramel’s eyes popped open. The dark silence was broken by the indistinct whining of a high, scratchy voice. It was soon joined by a second voice, much softer, but still audible. His first instinct was to just close his eyes again, but his bedmates also began to stir.

“Again? Mac, why don’t ya do something?”

“Just ignore ‘em.” Big Mac groaned. “AJ’ll quiet ‘em down.” A silent moment passed. “Hey, y’all mind puttin’ me in the middle?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Only if you promise not to tickle my wings.”

“Ah promise.”

“You always say that.”

Mac gave a soft grunt as Caramel climbed over his bulk and then cuddled up to his back. He wrapped his hooves around Thunderlane and hugged him close. Soon enough all three were asleep again.

***

“Alright now, enough is enough.” Mac’s voice rumbled in the darkness. He’d woken up a third time that night to raised voices from the next room. Thunderlane and Caramel stirred on either side of his body.

“I told ya to go talk to them.” Caramel’s soft voice spoke into Mac’s shoulders.

“Ah’m goin’,” he stated firmly. “Keep the bed warm.”

The bed groaned as the big stallion got up and plodded out the door. Caramel and Thunderlane just lay in place, but their ears swivelled to listen in.

A loud bang sounded, the door of the next bedroom had been opened with excessive force.

“Alright, y’all,” Mac drawled, “Ah know it ain’t easy fittin’ three ponies all comfortable like in one bed, an’ Ah know y’all ain’t got no duties in the mornin’.” He paused to take a breath. “But some of us do gotta be up with the roosters in a couple hours. So, if y’all’d kindly quit makin’ so much Celestia damned racket, me an’ Caramel an’ Thunderlane would like ta get some shut eye!”

Another bang and the clunk of hooves against the floorboards signalled his return. His bedmates welcomed him back into their warm embrace. Thunderlane turned to face him, extending a wing over both Mac and Caramel as Caramel gently stroked his mane.

“Thanks, big guy,” Thunderlane said softly. “Don’t worry about the chores tomorrow. Cara and I will take care of things.”

“Nah. Ah’ll be out there with ya.” Mac replied. “Ain’t right ta let mah sweeties do all mah work.” He sighed softly as they gave him a squeeze. “Night, ‘Lane, night Cara.”

“Night, Mac.”

All three stallions snuggled together to spend the few dwindling hours until dawn asleep together.

Author's Note

Not much here unless you like coltcuddling fluff, I guess. But hey, at least you got to see what the other three were up to.

Oh, Spoony <-- You are here
Oh, Spoony 2: Electric Boogaloo
Oh, Spoony 3: Revenge of the Spoon
Oh, Spoony 4: The Voyage Home