A Diary of Trixie

by ponyundefined

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Trixie, Tragedy
Length: 2890

A Diary entry of Trixie just after she flees Ponyville.

Description: Explain Boast Busters from Trixie's point of view without too much speculation or fan-fiction, hopefully.
Purpose: Learn something about her life as a showpony and have some compassion for her.
Assumptions: Trixie is a showpony and that the Great and Powerful Trixie was all a show.
Other: This is my first fanfic of anything ever, and sorry if the English isn't good.
Cover Image: Trixie: A lost reflection by *Zonra.

Published 2012-02-28 02:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-28 02:34:01 UTC

I used to be...

I used to be a travelling performer promoting my business. Made my money during short stops in many towns. I advertised my expertise, but, I admit, like most, I embellished it. But I had to sell myself and my skill. As a performer, I need to, um, I needed to impress to make money.

About one third of the ponies are unicorns and like all unicorns, I have a magical ability. But, unlike most unicorns, mine isn’t to one special talent. Well, kinda... My magical ability is in my special talent of showponyship. I entertained others with a magical performance. It’s a show: it’s my show. I kept the audience in the mood by talking about myself and my talents. Unfortunately, having a unique talent can give one an ego. Even more unfortunately, show biz can as well. Ever since I got my cutie mark a long time ago, every successful show made me feel as happy as school filly with fancy new ribbons.

I know what you’re thinking: “Isn’t it strange and even sad that a unicorn with innate magical ability uses hers to put on a show of stage magic to imitate actual magic?”. I understand the irony, but it’s my cutie mark and it makes me me (I couldn’t change; I cannot change). My unicorn magic is only powerful in my talent and my talent is tricks. And it’s my trick, as a showpony, to make it appear as if I am powerful in many things. My magic ability allows me to do various magic tricks but they aren’t very powerful since I’m not a specialist in that specific talent.

btw, I’m no con-artist or fraud. I think? I had no real magical ability other than showing I had actual ability. I tried to believe and pretended it was real but I always knew it wasn’t. But I could never say this to my audience because that would spoil the illusion. (An actor saying it’s all an act?) And that’s what my magic is all about: illusion… It’s tricky, I know, but hopefully somepony understands.

I couldn’t do anything else (anything ‘real’) even if I tried. I’m not powerful enough in other kinds of magic to do anything practical. I guess I tried to give the impression I was a unicorn who had real and multiple talents. To emphasize the illusion, I even added flash and fireworks to my traveling wagon. Ah, my wagon. A homemade cart with foldable stage set, all my props, stage curtains, special effects, and more. I invested most of my earnings in that capital good. Invested almost all actually back in the early days when I was a starving artist who lived hoof to mouth.

That wagon was my home and we went everywhere. Together we moved around, never doing the same old tricks to the same old audience. Always wanted, always needed something fresh. And besides, I kinda like traveling; it’s kinda uncomfortable being in the same place for too long. Makes me anxious. That wagon had carried me though the ups and downs. Always been there for me at my side. Always reliable. Now this might sound crazy, but it was my friend. Gave me what nopony else could give: independence, freedom, possibility, opportunity. It was everything a performer could want. It had everything. It was everything… It had, it was.

Anyways.

I called myself “the Great and Powerful Trixie!” It was my stage persona during my performance and it gave a great effect. It was an image of myself as something great and powerful. This image also shielded my personal image as well. (Unfortunately, doesn’t look like it shielded me from failure?) I might have come off as boasting, but seriously, what could I boast about? The Great and Powerful Trixie was all an image. It was the image of everything I hoped to be but couldn’t. I knew this and I kept it in mind as needed for professional detachment, but it was hard since I had developed that persona ever since earning my cutie mark.

That was my life as a show-pony.

When I arrived to Ponyville, I had already drawn a crowd. A positive reaction and ponies seemed impressed by my introduction as the Great and Powerful Trixie. I wow’ed the crowed with the beginnings of a spectacular performance. I used harmless and casual hyperbole that any street performer would use. As usual, I hoped to show them the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes. I agree it was egotistical and that personality flaw of mine might have undermined my performance a little it but didn’t seem to matter too much. The audience was awe-struck with the character I was creating. I continued on. Eventually, and unfortunately, I made some claims (ursa major and being the most talented pony, etc.) I apparently shouldn’t have but, at the time, how was I to know?

It was just a story. A tall-tale about an Ursa Major that was unlikely to be disproved. In retrospect, I probably should have made up something more plausible or something less specific. Oh well, doesn’t matter now…Anyways, a little embellishment isn’t a bad thing; in fact, it’s very virtuous in expressive arts such as mine. Just like my magic tricks, it’s not really real. And in the context of my show, that fanciful fabrication with all its grandeur and hyperbole was only to add to the aura of the act. It wasn’t a lie else my magic would be a lie. Everything about me would be a lie. I’m just a showpony and it was just for show.

Unfortunately, there were hecklers.

Well, “hecklers” may be too strong a word but it’s safe to say there was some sort of misunderstanding. Soon after my introduction I realized there were some ponies in the front row who didn’t think too much of my show. They were some distance away from the stage but they made comments loud enough for me to hear. I’m sorry they felt this way. I just wanted them to know that I wasn’t “showing-off” but rather putting on a “show”. But no, it seemed like they wondered, “who does this stranger think she is?” and “lets put this show-off in her place”.

But, if I could hear it then certainly other ponies in the audience could? If they continued on they would ruin the whole mood of the show that I had worked so hard to make. The audience pays to see the performer, not the fellow audience. Imagine, being upstaged by the average pony? At your own art and craft, even!

It looked like the other ponies in the audience were too polite to tell them to be quiet and I’d rather not draw attention to them by telling them myself. It’s not like I haven’t had hecklers before, but they just say something and then leave. I could have ignored that distraction but I couldn’t since they might change others opinions of me and since reputation means a lot to a performer I could have lost my reputation in that town, or even elsewhere? I’m sorry, but they had to be stopped.

One seemed to be a simple yet practical cowpony. Quite the opposite of showponyship. But don’t cowponies do rodeo shows? The other seemed to be some fashionable pony. I really liked her mane but she said that “Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us.” I had never made such a claim (well, not yet.) But certainly she could understand where I was coming from, hasn’t she been the centre of attention in a fashion show before? And yet another one, a tomboy Pegasus dared to say “Magic, Shmagic” and then boo’ed me!... now I know attacking my opponents is bad practice but those neighsayers could have cost me money. Also, if I had let their comments stand then I might have just proved their point? If only I could have afforded security to tell them “it’s only a show and it’s an act and either don’t take it so seriously or don’t watch” (There was also a baby dragon with a purple unicorn. As a showpony, I know appearances can be deceiving but this pony really proved that true as I would later find out)

Although it was a practiced and staged performance, interacting with these neighsaying ponies might help make the show look more realistic and organic. I decided to play along with them and incorporated them into my show somewhat. It’s fun to feed off the audience but I never thought I’d do it like this. What I think happened was that they let their egos get the best of them. I know, it happened to me as well… Anyways, I was caught up in the moment as it was my show at stake and I was centre of attention. Not to mention my cutie mark, my calling, my identity, was being threatened. As everypony knows, that’s bound to cause trouble. Since showponyship was my calling, I would revert to showponyship in my time of need.

Rather than them humiliate me, I would humiliate them. Only these few ponies were upset and they went out of their way to call me out. I decided to play a little game with them. It was harmless even if it was a bit dirty. I might have been too condescending or insulting but it wasn’t that bad, relatively speaking… This was my show and I challenged them to outdo me. Hopefully they would take the bait and hopefully they would ultimately look like another prop/tool in my show. My plan was this: ask them to challenge me and I’d wait till one of them accepts, then they would make the first move as I’d watch, then I’d adapt one my tricks to their particular skill and then in one simple action I’d trump their move! I would make sure I’d get the final word and hopefully I’d make it look like it too little effort. (At the time I was still the Great and Powerful Trixie and certainly she wouldn’t miss a chance to flaunt her supposed greatness?) It wouldn’t be a harsh retaliation, only a brief humiliation.

I decided to humiliate them to silence them. I didn’t know if I could actually beat them but I could make them look stupid with very little effort. I’ve heard that was a common way of dealing with heckler; doesn’t justify it though.

The cowpony did some lasso trick and ate an apple, thus I hogtied her up and put an apple in her mouth. A simple little trick: dirty but effective. The audience liked both our shows. The Pegasus did some flying around, thus I made her fly around again. But seriously, I cannot fly so what was I supposed to do? Btw, that pony also seemed to have an ego but I guess she can talk if she can back up her claims. Having claimed my second victory, in an antagonistic way, I zapped her. I probably shouldn’t have but she wasn’t hurt and the other ponies laughed. (I’m really proud of my cloud trick. It’s an actual cloud and lightning bolt, and not just the appearance of one). For the unicorn, I noticed her hair was really nice so I made a hair-specific taunt. Anyway, the unicorn made a dress but I couldn’t do that so I just followed up with my taunt and gave her green hair. Interesting she likes a showy dress but not my show? I guess she has a difference sense of what’s “fabulous” and what’s not.

My methods were mean but it did silence quickly and effectively. The cowpony had an apple in her mouth, the Pegasus was too dizzy to talk, and the unicorn ran away. Hopefully with that I could continue on with my shows in Ponyville. They were little pranks not to be taken too seriously or objectively. I was still doing my show and I was staying in character. In a way, after all those years as a self-taught showpony, that little show was a display of my experience and ability to adapt. (It’s not as if I was a gifted child prodigy who was hoof-picked by the Princess or something? or an asocial nerd who studies and practices different magic spells all the time?)

All in all, the reaction from the citizens of Ponyville was good. The crowd liked the show and my showiness and they didn’t seem to mind my one-upponyship. Besides, if it went the wrong way and if they didn’t like me I could possibly take that negative reception to my advantage? As an shock artist or insult comic? No such thing as bad publicity, right? Oh well, it was an interesting thought. Anyways, after that incident I suppose neither of us were ‘innocent’ buy, hey, no pony is perfect. Everypony involved just got caught up in the moment.

Afterwards,

These two fancolts who were at my show delivered me a hay smoothie. Although they were kinda cute, they were also kinda annoying. They also seemed to a bit too involved in my theatrical persona and it was my mistake to continue to humour them. That mistake would turn out to be a very big mistake. (In retrospect, I guess I was more spoiled than I thought or maybe because I just had a successful, I too, got carried away with myself?) Maybe they were too young? Maybe they were too stupid? But I thought everypony realized it was a ‘show’ kind of magic and not a ‘strong’ kind of magic. I suppose my enthusiastic little admirers got too carried away in the illusion and the stories. It was all drama.

And, I got caught up in my own drama and, unfortunately, that would turn out to be a disaster that would ruin me.

Those two fancolts actually brought an Ursa Major, which would turn out to be a baby, an Ursa Minor. They actually brought one! I thought they were out of their little pony minds.

I could have ran away since it’s not my town. Knowing I couldn’t do anything I made some rather ineffectual attempts at vanquishing it. As always, I’m a show pony whose magic is all cool explosions and smoke; I’m not all that great and powerful. (I could have perhaps lied and say I was too tired but that probably wouldn’t have done any good either). I did, however, make another storm cloud - but it only slightly annoyed the Major.

Being beaten at my own game, and having lost everything, all I could do is admit defeat. The Great and Powerful Trixie persona was no more. I regretfully shed my stage character and started talking honestly, like I normally do when I’m all alone. Talking in first-person.

I don’t want to write about that purple pony. Outclassed in virtually every way. (I’m so lucky that purple pony didn’t take me on) btw, I’m not mad at those two fancolts who pretty much ruined everything. I guess I could be, but it doesn’t help. (Just had a random thought, maybe I might inspire them to do a magic show? Hmm…)

All my confidence was revealed to be helplessness and my so-called talent was only a pathetic show. That’s the life of a showpony, I guess. Easy come, easy go.

Anyways, I couldn’t stay there. I decided fleeing was the best thing. I would only face further ridicule with my lost persona having been shown up by another unicorn. Even though I was the primary victim of the Minor’s rage, I might have been blamed for the whole incident. Hey, the audience might even want their money back? At best, I might be able to restart somewhere else and regain another reputation? (I hope I’m as resourceful and adaptable as I used to be) I just need to be a showpony and fulfill my cutie mark else I’d go insane.

With all the bravery and strength I could muster, I had one last say as the Great and Powerful Trixie. And it was true, I did have amazing, show-stopping ability. (The catch: it was my show) Ponyville. I was supposed to come, set up, entertain, earn my money, and moved along. But now, all I could do is move along.

Hopefully my retreating hoofbeats covered the sounds of my whimpering and crying.

No wagon: I’m homeless. No props: I have to restart. No clothes: I’m naked. No reputation: I might be jobless. I’m alone. I’m tired. I’m cold. and I’m also hungry… I really have few means of earning a living.

Believe it or not, I’m a very social pony but as a travelling performer I’m perpetually lost and almost always alone. I’m the kind of pony who gives herself flowers. I was the kind of filly who would receive only one Hearts and Hooves day card, sent from myself. Even in the crowd, I’m alone. Even if I got to know somepony, would they really know me? The true me. Alas... But I got used to the loneliness of the road.

At least I thought…

I’m, I’m still the Great and Powerful Trixie,

Right?