Bucking

by Simon Cowell

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Applejack, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1023

Applejack's vocabulary destroys Ponyville.

Applejack's vocabulary destroys Ponyville.

Published 2013-10-03 16:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-03 16:10:04 UTC

Shut up Applejack!

Applejack sighed, wiping sweat from her brow. She looked at the basket of apples that quite literally displayed the fruits of her labor. She sniffed the air, taking in the serenity of the hilltop.

Applejack always finished this part of the orchard last. It gave her the most beautiful view in all of Ponyville. The radiant glow of the sun off of the apple skins filled her spirits with warmth.

She loaded up the apples onto the cart and strapped herself to the two protruding rods on the front. Following the dug out path on the hill, she slowly trotted towards the main path, eager to take the apples to Sugarcube Corner. It was Bic Mac's birthday that day, and she couldn't wait to help Pinkie Pie bake the enormous apple spice cake.

Really it would be Pinkie helping Applejack this time, as while Applejack was a damn good cook in her own right, she wasn't the connoisseur on confectioneries that Pinkie had become. The only reason the cake was so generic was that when she had asked Big Mac what kind he wanted, all he did was give a thousand yard stare and keep saying "eeyup," and "nope."

Sometimes Applejack wondered if her brother was retarded.

Once she had finally reached the main path of her orchard, Applejack left for town. Along the way she came across many of her fellow townsfolk, many of whom cast jealous glares at her for her main character status. She just flaunted her mane six butt all the way, smirking at the lowly background ponies. She herself was the biggest background pony of all, but none of the others had to know that.

"Hi, Applejack; putting out a new batch of apples for your stand?" asked a worthless pony, who isn't even worth naming.

Applejack was taken aback at this highly expositional question; nonetheless, she responded with haste, her horrible halitosis committing herbicide on the grass in front of her.

"Not today, Derpy, Ah'm just using these to make a cake for Big Mac's birthday. Bucked 'em fresh just this mornin', and I know he'll just love his cake."

Derpy shot Applejack a strange look.

"You did what to those apple?"

"Well ah bucked 'em."

Derpy turned green.

"That's disgusting!"she screamed at Applejack,"and you're planning to make your brother eat those?"

Before waiting for a response, Derpy flew up and away, getting as far from the orange mare as quickly as possible.

Applejack pretty much just stood there scratching her head like an idiot. After awhile applejack decided that, as per usual, Derpy's intellect was in a state of abeyance. Through careful consideration, Applejack found that she simply didn't care, so she continued on her way, singing a song about how much she loved to buck apples.

"My name is Applejack, and I am here to say,"she began, lacking the creativity to sing a song that she made up herself,"I love to buck my apple trees, in every single way."

As she sang, she garnered many dirty looks from the Ponyvillians. Many of the parents shot her angry glares as they covered the ears of their crying children. A cart, bearing schoolchildren passed her, and the driver fainted at hearing about Applejack's apple activities. His cart lost control, and crashed into a fireworks factory, sending miniature rockets flying everywhere.

Children ran in terror as the barrage of bottle rockets lit the town ablaze, either impaling innocent ponies, or setting the houses on fire. The hay roofs almost immediately collapsed, crushing any ponies inside.

Naturally, since Applejack was singing with her eyes closed, she was unaware of the devastation that surrounded her. She was still skipping along the road, paying no mind to the crushed and burned families that surrounded her.

Applejack arrived at Sugarcube Corner: the only building in Ponyville that was still standing, and knocked gleefully on the door. Pinkie answered literally instantly.

"Well hello there, you took long enough; I've been standing here for a whole week."

"But ah asked you for help only yesterday..."

"Well, what are you waiting for, silly?" Pinkie asked, pulling Applejack inside,"Lets get baking!"

Applejack and Pinkie began making the most delicious cake ever conceived.

Applejack was stunned. It was a piece of cake to bake this pretty cake. The way wasn't even hazy, so long as they did the cooking by the book, and weren't lazy.

If they used a messy recipe, the cake would end up crazy, but since Pinkie Pie and Applejack did the cooking by the book, they had a cake.

Pinkie and Applejack stood back in awe. The cake they had baked was a whole ten feet tall, dwarfing Pinkie's previous pastries. They wiped the sweat off their brows and flung it onto the cake to add a salty flavor that would counteract the incredible sweetness of the cake.

"Thank you kindly, Pinkie, I tell ya, it was quite a hassle getting all of these apples. I had to buck my favorite tree."

Pinkie grabbed a glass of water and did a spit take.

"You did WHAT to these apples?"

"I bucked 'em, it's kinda my job."

Pinkie pushed Applejack and the cake out of her store to the newly restored Ponyville. Luckily for the inhabitants, any problem can be fixed in about twenty minutes, so not only was everyone still alive, but they had also completely forgotten about the destruction of their entire town.

Figuring Pinkie was just being weird, Applejack headed home, cake in tow.

Applejack awoke to a knocking on her door. She looked out her window; it was still dark out.

"Who in the heck is knockin' on mah door at this hour?"

She got up out of bed and headed to her front door, opening it to see an ashamed Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, what're you doin' here?"

"I'm sorry Applejack, I shouldn't have acted so brashly. They're your apples, and it's up to you what you wanna do with them."

"Uh, okay then, thanks Pinkie..."

"I have to learn to accept your deplorable sexual fetish, after all, I buck Gummy all the time."