Big Mac's Big Mac

by electreXcessive

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Sex, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3835

Big Mac loves his sandwiches. He's about to show just how much he appreciates them.

Big Mac, hardworking stallion and family man loves his sandwiches more than anything. The burger he loves more than anything is the Big Mac. How much does he love the Big Mac though? Well, sit back, because he's about to show you.

Warning: This story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. This story contains unsafe sexual practices, as well as a pony having sexual relations with a food item. If you do not enjoy that sort of thing, then do not read this story. This was a story idea requested of me by a friend. Hope you enjoy.

Published 2013-09-18 05:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-18 05:40:03 UTC

No Ordinary Sandwich...

Big Mac sighed as he pulled the final cart of apples up to the side of the barn. His muscles were taut, and his coat glistened with the laborious sweat of a full day’s work of apple bucking. It wasn’t exactly a hard job for a stallion like Big Mac; his broad shoulders would make even members of the royal guard jealous. Each of his legs was almost the thickness of a medium sized sapling, and when he bucked a tree, every tree for several feet around shook, and the crack of thunder sounded throughout the orchard. That was how a pony could tell that Big Mac was out in the fields and working hard.

Everyday, he would help his sister, Applejack, buck the apple trees, perform household chores, and to top it all off, would be the one who brought the fully loaded carts of apples all the way back to the barn for storage until market time. Whelp, cart’s finally back and loaded up. Guess I should get all unhitched and go get cleaned up. Afterwards, I think I’ll go out into the town and get myself a little treat. Think I’ve earned it with all of the work I’ve been doing lately.

Big Mac unlatched himself from the last apple cart and let his harness drop from his broad shoulders. A wave of relief washed over him as the slightly cumbersome weight was lifted from him. Hoo boy. That sure was a good day of work, wasn’t it Mac? You and AJ filled your quota for the day plus an extra thirty bushels. Talk about overtime. A deep, masculine chuckle came from Big Mac’s throat as he thought about all the work that he’d done that day. With the quota beyond fulfilled, this meant that they could quite possibly shave a few days to a week off of their total harvesting time if they kept up the pace.

Mac went into analyzation mode. The world faded away and his eyes glazed over as he began to calculate the numbers in his head. Well, if it takes us one day to buck this much, and we need this much by the end of the month… As Mac began to perform the complex equations in his head, his hoof moved rapidly back and forth as if drawing a picture in the air. To anypony else, it would have looked like Mac was daydreaming, but for him, it was science. Carry the seven… Woah Nelly! If we keep on this pace, we can have the whole orchard cleared out and prepared for selling almost a week early! We’ll be able to get an early jump on all of the competition. Big Mac’s smile spread from almost ear to ear.

“Eeyup! That’s us Apples for ya.” Big Mac chuckled once more before leaving the barn. He turned around and grabbed the padlock he had stored nearby, locking up their precious produce for the night. Well, better head inside and get cleaned up. It’s pretty late in the afternoon, and I don’t know off the top of my head what time they close. Better go take a shower pretty darn quick. Big Mac trotted off towards the main house as fast as he could. One could almost say that he was skipping with excitement as he neared the doors and entered the house.

“Big Mac? What’re ya so excited about?” Apple Bloom stood by the door she had just opened, watching her brother practically hop in place.

“It’s the best thing lil’ sis. I’m goin’ to Micky D’s.”

Big Mac stepped out of the front door of the Apple residence and smirked as he felt the wind flowing through his mane. His coat shined with the same luster as a recently waxed chariot, and his mane glistened as water struck the droplets of water still attached to his mane from his recent shower. In his left forehoof, he held a small bag of bits. He smiled at it as he bounced it up and down, feeling the jingle of the coins vibrate through his hoof. Boy. Sure is a good day to be Big Macintosh, ain’t it? Whelp, better get going!

He began with a brisk trot as he started to make his way towards Ponyville. As he traveled, he looked at the barren trees, and frolicking wildlife around him. The sheer perfection of this scenario made him smile like a loon. “Sure is a good day for a walk. Maybe I should’ve taken Apple Bloom with me. She loves going on walks like these…” Mac shook his head and just kept on smiling as he continued towards Ponyville. Ah well. I’ll just bring her along next time. Can’t wait to taste that delicious sandwich…

He began to think of biting into those soft, warm buns. That special sauce would drip down his chin in little driblets, as the juice inside the hay patty exploded into his mouth like a balefire bomb. And who could forget the cheese? That gooey texture, sticking to the patty, and keeping the lettuce and tomato intact for that satisfying ‘crunch’ after he took the first bite. Dang. I sure do love me a Big Mac, don’t I?

Mac stopped immediately in his tracks, looking straight ahead with a thousand yard stare. There it was, shining before him like a beacon in the night. Those familiar golden arches stood tall and proud over Ponyville, basking it a golden glow that signified good tasting food for extremely low prices. Mac completely ignored Sugarcube Corner and walked past, moving shakily towards the McDonald’s right across the street. Ponies were going in and out of the restaurants, carrying to go bags in their mouths, no doubt full of burgers and fries. The smell of freshly fried fries hit his nose like a truck, and his mouth began to water involuntarily.

I’d better get in there before I cause a flood in the street. Mac moved forward and pushed open the clear double entrance doors in front of him. Immediately, he was surprised that there were very few ponies in the ordering line. Most ponies already had their food and were munching it happily at the tables. Mac nearly stumbled to his knees as the smell hit him in full force. He had to get in and get out fast, or he wasn’t sure what exactly he would end up doing.

Mac’s eyes looked up to the large neon menu hanging above him. He already had a pretty clear idea of what he was going to order, but some of the newer items were making him reconsider his choice of burger. They’ve got a habanero quarter pounder now?! Oh, geeze, that sounds pretty amazing… Might be a little too spicy though. Cool ranch quarter pounder? Hot damn that sounds pretty nice! And they brought back the McFig too?

“We can help whoever’s next in line,” the cream colored mare from behind the counter called. She had an impatient glare on her face as she stared at the oblivious Macintosh. “Excuse me? Sir? I said that I can help you over her at this register.” Big Mac still gave no response. He was sitting on his haunches in the middle of the floor, drooling heavily. His eyelids seemed to flutter heavily as if he were having some sort of daydream. “Sir! May I take your order please? You’re holding up the line!”

Mac snapped out of his trance and fell face first onto the floor. “Huh? Oh, right! So sorry about that!” Mac shot up with a blush on his face, though it was barely noticeable due to the natural red color of his coat. He looked behind himself and saw a few stallions and mares all behind him, glaring impatiently. Mac stepped up to the counter as he rubbed his head sheepishly and looked at the mare. “Uh, yeah, sorry about that. I’ll just have a Big Mac please. Oh, and no pickles. Can’t stand pickles.” The mare nodded her head and began to press buttons on the cash register.

“Alright, so you’ll be having one Big Mac, no pickles. Anything else?” Mac simply shook his head as the mare punched in the acceptance for the order. “Alright, that will be two seventy-five sir. Will you be paying with cash, credit, or debit? Also, for here or to go?”

“I’ll be payin’ with cash today, ma’am. To go, thank you very much. And thanks for bein’ so understanding. I’m sorry for holdin’ up the line.” Mac looked down at the floor, shame filling his eyes. He opened the small coin purse that he’d brought with him and pulled out two gold coins, and silver coin, and a bronze coin.

“Thank you sir. It’s no problem at all, really.” She punched a button and Mac’s receipt printed itself out. The mare ripped it from the machine and handed it to Big Mac. She also handed him a copy receipt and a pen. “Alright. Sign here, please.” Mac followed her orders and signed the copy receipt as fast as he could, then handed it back to her. “Your order number is ninety-five. Your order should be done in a few minutes. Have a nice day. Whoever’s next in line, I can help you over here!”

Mac moved over to the side and checked his receipt to make sure that everything had been properly charged. He nervously fidgeted for a few minutes as he waited for his order. The entire time, his thoughts were just filled with his glorious sandwich. He had a special way to go about eating a Big Mac. First, he’d eat the red onions on their lonesome. He just loved the sweet taste and crunch of red onions… Then, he’d-

“Order number ninety-five, your food is ready. Order number ninety-five, your food is ready.” The stallion that announced his food’s arrival set the sandwich down lightly on the counter. Mac walked up to the stallion and grabbed the bag. “Here you go, sir. One Big Mac, no pickles. Have a nice day!” The stallion waved goodbye as Big Mac left the store and headed back to Sweet Apple Acres. There was a special place that he liked to eat a Big Mac…

Big Mac sat down in the small shed that stood beside the locked barn. This was his tool shed, and nopony was allowed to go in there except for him. This was especially useful for when he needed some alone time, such as right now. He dumped his wrapped burger out of its paper bag and into his waiting hoof. His body was just trembling merely thinking about the glorious meal that he was about to partake in. He began to unwrap the burger, and stared at it with wide eyed wonder. No matter how many times he saw this beast, it never ceased to amaze him.

The sesame seed bun was the very first thing that caught his eye. It was so fluffy, but so firm, and it held the contents of the sandwich like a champion. Oozing, delicious cheese melted and flowed slightly down the tender hay patty like a lava pool of yellow. And that orangish-pink special sauce coating the lettuce, tomatos, and onions? Mac took a deep breath to prepare himself, then lifted the top bun. Immediately, he pinpointed the red onions and pulled them out.

“Come here, baby… I just want to taste you so bad.” Mac pulled the onions to his mouth and licked them. His tongue caught the special sauce coating them and immediately a tangy sweetness enveloped him. Mac let out a small moan as he nibbled on the tip of the red onions. A satisfying ‘crunch’ echoed throughout the silent shed as Mac felt another wave of sweetness wash over his tongue. This time though, it was more akin to the sweet saliva of another pony’s waiting mouth. “Oh, I’ve been waiting for this all day, and you are not disappointing.”

Mac sighed contentedly. He licked the onions again, savoring the tang of the thousand-island special sauce combining with the natural juices of the onions. With a smile, he opened his mouth wide and shoved the onions in. Mac began to chew with a methodical precision. Each bite brought a crunch and more of that glorious flavor came flooding over his tongue. As the onion bits became softer and smaller, Mac relished the feel of their texture on his outer molars. At this point, he was drooling like a foal staring at his first crush.

“And I’m not even at the actual burger yet…” Mac swallowed the onions and moaned as he felt them travel down his gullet. Mac picked up the rest of the burger and eyed it hungrily. His stomach twisted and churned at the very sight of the Big Mac before him. Mac closed his eyes and leaned in gently, licking the sesame seed bun. A stray seed dislodged itself into his mouth, and rested on his tongue. He crunched it up in his molars, enjoying the small sense of euphoria that he received from crunching the tiny seed. “Alright, Mac. It’s time for the big show…” He pressed down on the burger with his forehooves, hoping to squish it into a small enough state to take a bite out of it.

He took the plunge, and took a large bite out of the burger. It felt like his taste buds had just been dropped into a large scale military invasion, and were being overwhelmed by the forces of taste and texture. The mouthful had a particularly large portion of special sauce and cheese, and the sharp savoriness of the cheese combined with the tang of the sauce filled him with a pleasure that he’d very rarely experienced before. The tender hay patty contrasted nicely with the loud crunch of the lettuce, and the sweet juice of the tomato. Mac moaned with pleasure as he worked the mouthful, enjoying every last crunch and bit of flavor before he swallowed it. As the bite fell down his throat, Mac felt a warmth growing in his loins.

Mac felt his penis swelling and become hard as he stared at the burger. “A beauty like you is just too good to eat…” He caressed the firms buns of the burger with his hoof, gently stroking it and whispering sweet nothings to it. “I’m going to give you the best night of your life, hon.” Mac lifted the top patty, gazing at the glistening, saucy surface of its innards. By now, his penis was fully erect and at attention like a lazy cadet around a harsh drill sergeant.

Mac placed his dick on top of the stack and put the top bun back on top. He moaned with pleasure as he felt the special sauce coating his sausage. He felt like he was a part of his love now. The nature of the sauce gave his dick a slight sting, causing him to moan with pleasure. It was like the burger was lubricating him, trying to make his job easier… “Thank ya kindly ma’am. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Mac began to pump his dick gently at first, going at a snail’s pace to accommodate his partner. He pressed his hoof down on the top bun to make sure that the contents stayed firmly in place as he fucked them gently. Mac moaned, sounding like a tree straining against a heavy wind as his penis contacted the cheese. The slight viscosity of the cheese slowed his pumping and held his penis firmly in place, forcing him to pull back harder than before. Oh, you’re a fighter, eh? I like that.

Slowly but surely, Mac began to pump his meat faster. The cheese still offered some resistance, and since it was fresh, it warmed the bottom of his penis. Mac moaned as the friction being created heated it up even more, causing the warmth to spread even further. Mac was blushing heavily as he continued to pump, feeling his dick start to spasm. “Damn, hon. You’re real good at this! I think I’m about to cum pretty soon,” Mac moaned through a small chuckle. “But first, let me give the rest of you a little love…”

He pulled his penis out of the burger, eyeing it lovingly. Then, he lifted the top half and placed his erect member atop the lettuce and tomato. Immediately, the acidity of the tomato juice caused him to hiss from the stinging pain. Mac began to pump again immediately as he felt the sting settling into a constant, pleasuring haze in the back of his mind. His dick pounded the tomatoes as more and more juice began to splash out of the disintegrating fruit, causing the stinging to get stronger.

“Ah… D-damn, that stings so good! Keep goin’ baby, we’re almost there!’ Mac moaned out.

As his penis pushed further and faster and he finally pounded the tomatoes into a pulp, he immediately felt the effects of the lettuce. It’s rigid, cold veins bumped along his penis as it slid back and forth, giving him the sensation of somepony stroking it with inexperience. Oh Celestia, keep going! Keep going! Use those tips! The larger bumps made Mac squeak involuntarily, providing a sudden surge of ecstasy. “I… I can’t… I’m cumming baby, hold on!” Mac held his top hoof down even sturdier and began pumping at a speed that would make Rainbow Dash jealous. His dick was a blur as he pumped quicker and quicker, his face contorting with desperate concentration.

With a final shout, Mac pulled his dick directly over the center of the patty and blew his load. Creamy, white semen covered the burger and spilled over the sides, intermixing with the orangish-pink sauce to make a vivid shade of pink. Mac smiled as he pulled his dick out of the now squashed burger and sighed. “Oh, Mac, you always know how to give a stallion the best time. Thanks for the great night, but I’ve got to take you out to the trash now. Don’t exactly want to eat ya, now do I?” He chuckled as he picked up the burger and pulled out some of the napkins that had come with his meal. He quickly wiped the sauce and cheese off of his member to the best of his abilities.

Mac quickly made his way over to the dumpster beside the barn, not wanting anypony to see him. To his massive displeasure, he heard a familiar voice call his name. Mac took a few deep breaths, trying to get his heart rate and breathing to a more steady pace. Luckily for him, he felt his penis resheathing itself as a pony landed behind him, causing him to jump a bit. He turned around, only to come face to face with a rainbow maned mare.

“Hey, Mac! Is AJ around right now? She and I were supposed to go racing in the Whitetail Woods in like half and hour, and I wanted to know if she was ready to get her flank kicked.” Mac shook his head, putting the burger over the open dumpster in order to drop it inside. “You sure? I guess I’ll just wait for her by the- Hey! Are you throwing away a Big Mac?! What the hay is wrong with you dude? If you’re not gonna eat it, then I’ll take it for you!”

Before he could protest, Rainbow had already grabbed the burger from his outstretched hoof and taken a rather large bite. Mac’s eyes shot open in shock and he gulped. Oh buck… She just… Did she just…? Rainbow slowly stopped chewing the burger, the gears in her mind beginning to turn themselves. She dropped the burger as her jaw hung open wide; Mac merely looked down at the ground, filling with shame. “I-I’m sorry, I just…”

“Dude! What’s in this? Seriously, this tastes great! Even better than the original, I’d say. I love the thicker sauce too! Is this like, a special recipe or something?” Rainbow Dash eyed Big Mac curiously, her head tilting to the side.

“Y-yeah! It’s my… Uh… Special sauce! Made it just for myself. Eeyup!”

“Dude. You should totally open your own fast food place with recipes like these. Anyways, gotta go! Seeya later, Mac.” Rainbow Dash took off into the sky, leaving behind a rainbow colored blur.

Open my own fast food restaurant, huh? I wonder…

The colt behind the counter looked at the mare in front of him. “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?”

“Uh, yes. Can I get a Whopper and a small order of fries?” The mare asked politely. The cashier nodded and took her order, calling it out to the back kitchen. Behind the scenes, as furiously humping stallion nodded and blew his load into a readily made burger and put the top bun back on, smiling at his work.

“Whopper’s ready! Scarlet, how’re you doing on those fries? Is the new batch of oil ready yet?” The cook turned towards the deep fryers. A scarlet colored pegasus was hovering above the fry vat, furiously hoofing herself.

“I-I’m sorry, okay! I can’t do it as fast as you can! I’ve been doing this for like a-an three hours… I feel like I’m about to pass out…” The mare came into the fryer vat, her juices joining an three hour’s worth of hard work. The lead cook looked into the vat and saw that it was three quarters full.

“Alright, looks good enough, Scarlet. Why don’t you go take the rest of the day off? You worked hard today, and this batch should last us until Tempest’s shift. Remember to use the back door okay?” In the corner of the room, a big red stallion smiled. It was Big Mac, smiling and looking at his great invention. Burger King… Who would have thought that the franchise would catch on so soon? Mac was proud of his workers. The food they made was simply orgasmic. Mac breathed a happy sigh as he brought the finished meal out to the mare who had ordered it, a contented smile on his face.

“Here you go, Fluttershy. Enjoy your meal.”

Damn, life is good. I love having it my way.

Author's Note

Howdy guys. This is my first actual clopfic, and was a request for a friend. It's part of an event that I'm doing called Sexual Saturdays. Every Saturday, I'll go through a pool of requests for clopfic ideas and write a few of em for y'all. They can be about absolutely anything. I do reserve the right to deny requests if they involve rape or foalcon, but other than that, any pairing or fetish is fine. If you want to see a certain clopfic made, then just comment your request on this story or send me a PM. Hope you enjoy.