Umbran Ponies

by Craterfist

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 4453

Bayonetta MLP crossover.

In a last ditch attempt to destroy Beyonetta, the angels of Paradiso send her to an alternate dimension. A dimension with rather unusual characters.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-02 16:45:35 UTC

Chapter 1

A/N: The story takes place after the storyline from the game. I am giving Bayonetta ALL the weapons, though she will save the more powerful ones for later chapters. I am also giving her the super mirror to change her costume. Also, Wicked Weaves are when the witches (Bayonetta and Jeanne) summon giant arms and legs made of their own magic hair to perform punches and kicks. Torture attacks are when a which summons an execution device, like an iron maiden or a guillotine, and uses it to kill an angel.

Chapter 1

Bayonetta and Jeanne were witches, with Bayonetta wearing glasses and having long, black hair, while Jeanne had short white hair. They were trained in the bullet arts, using their guns as bludgeons while shooting them with magic-infused ammunition. They can use their hair to summon demons to destroy their enemies.

All Bayonetta wanted was to spend the day catching up with Jeanne in Vigrid, a beautiful Italian city built on top of ancient ruins, and those idiot angels just had to come in. She pulled out her set of handguns called Scaroborough Fair, satin red with gold plates, while Jeanne pulled out her handguns named All 4 One, silver with gold. Being witches, they were able to carry four handguns each, two of which they equipped to their feet to fire when they kicked. A gang of Affinity, angels with vulture heads and golden battle axes with spinning heads, flew down, led by an Applaud, a larger version of an Affinity.

Bayonetta began filling the Affinity with holes, casually backing up with one hand on her hip while she let her automatic handgun do the work, while Jeanne performed a Wicked Stomp on the Applaud, followed by a Wicked Punch, sending the angel into the building behind it, causing it to gloriously splatter and paint the wall. Bayonetta casually back-flipped out of the way of one angel who had gotten behind her. She grabbed it's arm, spinning around like she was dancing with the angel, and held her feet out to get some room, firing them as she spun, before shooting the angel in the head and landing with a sexy pose.

Jeanne dodged two angels attacking her at the same time, landing on her hands, and shooting the two angels in the head with her leg guns. She flipped herself back around, and with that dodge, had built up her magic. She summoned the Gillotine underneath an angel who was facing away from her, and literally kicked it's ass, shoving it's head through the hole. Jeanne snapped her fingers, and the blade came down. The angel's head popped off, and the body turned white and exploded. Jeanne picked up it's axe, and shouted to Bayonetta

"Oh, Bayonetta, remember how you always wanted to be a pole dancer?"

Bayonetta smiled as Jeanne threw the weapon to her. She took it, and planted it in the ground. From there, she grabbed the pole and took up a pole dancer's position, spinning around and kicking all the angels in the face. She spun faster and faster, until the angels were knocked away from one final tremendous kick.

As the last angel fell with a neat hole in it's head, Bayonetta heard an all too familiar laugh above her. She looked up, and saw Fortitudo, a two headed dragon with an upside-down human face on the body that did the talking, flying down from the clouds. She smiled, put her hands on her hips, and shouted up.

"I thought I killed you! Couldn't stay away, I see!" She ran her hands down her D'Arc suit, from Jeanne's favorite fashion line. It was black, full body, form-fitting, with a fur collar.

Fortitudo laughed and responded "When you resurrected Jubelius, the Creator, I was reborn as well. Now, I must rid you from this Earth!"

Bayonetta laughed and said "Oh, and where will I go? You know I'm strong enough to break out of Hell."

Fortitudo dipped his head and said "It is true neither Paradiso nor Inferno can contain you. However, I didn't say you were headed there, did I?"

At this, Bayonetta and Jeanne took up combat stances.

Bayonetta shouted "And where do you think you're sending me?

" Fortitudo ripped open a vortex, a golden rimmed portal surrounded with magic runes, that began sucking Bayonetta in. "Anywhere but here!" he announced.

Jeanne had rooted herself down to the ground using Madame Styx, the demon that performed Jeanne's Wicked Weaves, but she couldn't grab Bayonetta in time, and she flew into the vortex, and Fortitudo closed it.

"BAYONETTA!" Jeanne shouted in fear for her friend.

Bayonetta slowly regained consciousness and found herself next to a lake, in the middle of a field of rolling hills. She could see a town in the distance, and decided to walk towards it. After a few minutes of walking, she heard voices coming up over the ridge behind her and pressed herself behind a tree. After a minute of watching the path, she saw two shapes come up over the ridge, and was shocked to see a unicorn and a baby dragon pulling a wagon fullwalk along the path. She listened in on their conversation. The unicorn was speaking in a similar accent to her own.

"Spike, dear, thank you so much for helping me collect these gems!"

The baby dragon who's name was apparently Spike blushed and said "Aw, shucks, Rarity, you know I'd help you with anything."

'He obviously has a crush on her.' Bayonetta thought. Figuring they are from the town in the distance, she followed at a safe distance. She mulled over this new place where Fortitudo had sent her. 'A world full of talking, colorful ponies. And dragons. Where the Hell did that bastard send me?'

As Rarity and Spike were walking, Rarity heard footsteps, almost inaudiable to the untrained ear. She turned around, and saw what appeared to be a monkey with no fur, standing on two legs, wearing glasses and very long hair out of its head. It was also dressed in the most exquisite and lovely bodysuit Rarity had ever seen. It's head was down, signifying it was deep in thought. Spike saw that Rarity had stopped, and turned to see what she was looking at.

He raised an eyebrow and pointed a claw. "What is that?"

Rarity responded excitedly "I don't know, but I must find out about that suit it's wearing! It's absolutely fabulous!" She started running toward the strange creature.

Bayonetta heard the clopping of hooves and looked up. The unicorn was running up to Bayonetta, and quickly thinking, back flipped away from the mare and pulled out her pistols. The unicorn stopped and didn't seem to know what was being pointed at her face.

"Darling, that suit is simply marvelous! I must know where you got it!"

Bayonetta thought 'I can't help it if I like the little outfits.'

Bayonetta sheathed her pistols and said "It's from the D'Arc collection, my friend Jeanne's favorite."

"Would you like to come with me to my boutique? I would be honored if you would let me get the style of that suit down so I can make it!"

Bayonetta pulled out a red lollipop, and said "Might as well, I literally just got here a few minutes ago, and that few minutes is a record time for me to go in a day without having to kill some idiot from Paradiso who thinks he can take me on."

Rarity's eyes seemed to bludge out of her head. "Kill? Who ARE you to even think of such a horrible idea?!"

Bayonetta smiled and crunched her lollipop. "My name is Bayonetta. I heard yours was Rarity?"

Rarity seemed to calm herself some and said "Yes, that's right. Please, never mention such a horrible thing like that again!" She stated, before turning back with Bayonetta following her. Spike was silent when the two girls came back to the cart.

Rarity said "Spike, this is Bayonetta. Please be nice to her."

The three started walking, and Spike whispered to Bayonetta "If you do anything to hurt Rarity, I swear-"

Bayonetta laughed "Silly little child. You couldn't stop me if you tried." Spike turned back, and the rest of the walk back to Ponyville was silent except for the sound of footsteps.

It was sunset when the three reached Ponyville, and Spike dropped of the wagon and headed back to the library. When Rarity turned on the lights and looked back at Bayonetta, she noticed that Bayonetta's shadow had butterfly wings. Rarity spoke

"Excuse me dear, but your shadow seems..." Bayonetta walked over to a chair and sat down.

"Ah yes, the shadow. A little touch from Madame Butterfly."

Rarity said "Who's that?"

The witch smiled and crossed her legs. "She is the demon I made a pact with to gain the power I have now."

Rarity appeared shocked and scared, which Bayonetta picked up on. "Honestly, dear, at this rate, you're going to find every bit of me appalling."

Rarity shook her head to clear it. "As long as you won't hurt anypony, I think I'll be okay." Bayonetta smiled. At least she had made a friend in this strange world.

It was then she heard someone coming down the stairs. The door opened and revealed a filly unicorn with a pink-grey mane and tail.

"Hey, big sis! I heard you talking with somepony, I wanna meet her! Where is she?"

Bayonetta called from her seat "Right here, love." The filly turned and saw Bayonetta.

She ran up and started speaking. "Hi, I'm Sweetie Belle! What's your name?"

"I'm Bayonetta dear. I take it Rarity is your sister?"

Sweetie Belle swelled with pride. "Yep, she is! She's the best, and always looks out for me and loves me!"

Bayonetta smiled and laid her finger on Sweetie Belle's head. "You, dear, remind me of a little girl I knew."

Rarity spoke "Well, Bayonetta, I assume you would like to use the guest bed?"

The witch stood up and said "That would be marvelous, darling." The three of them went upstairs to the respective bedrooms.

"We'll look at the suit tomorrow." Rarity assured. Bayonetta climbed under the covers, counting herself lucky she wasn't sleeping outside. She planned to go into town tomorrow, see if she can't knock some boys dead with a little effort. She planned to do it metaphorically, but she wouldn't mind being literal with it, if one boy got a tad nosey for her liking.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bayonetta had wanted to get some extra sleep, so she drew the blinds in the guest bedroom the night before. However, one early bird, a blue jay to be exact, stood outside the boutique on a tree limb and chirped loudly. She sighed, pulled out her handgun, pulled the shade, and pegged the bird. Satisfied, she returned to bed.

When she did wake up, she went downstairs, gracefully swaying her hips and stepping in seven-inch heels. She reached the bottom, and found Rarity enjoying some tea in the kitchen. Bayonetta took a whiff. Rosemary and peach.

"Excuse me darling, would you like some tea?" Rarity asked when she noticed Bayonetta.

Bayonetta turned her nose up and stated "As long as it's not what you're having."

Rarity seemed offended. "What's wrong with what I have?" She asked, looking at her cup. "It's just rosemary and peach."

Bayonetta explained "Rosemary is a demon repellent. That, and I just don't like peach. I would enjoy some mint, if you have it."

Rarity smiled and nodded. She used her magic to pull a mint tea bag from her cupboard. She put it in a cup, filled it with the still-hot water from the kettle, and let it brew.

Rarity asked "Ah yes, I forgot to ask. Do you have any idea what that large 'bang' noise was this morning?"

Bayonetta walked over and sipped her tea, and with a smile, stated "I didn't hear anything this morning, dearie."

Bayonetta finished her tea, and put the dish in the sink. "I think I'm going to take a little walk around town, darling." she stated.

Rarity nodded, and Bayonetta, still swaying her hips, exited the boutique.

As soon as she stepped outside, Bayonetta noticed three stallions staring at her, one with his mouth open. She blew a kiss at them, and they appeared to faint. She grinned, and walked through the town, right into town square. There were not many stallions, but the stallions that were present had similar reactions to the first three. That's when Bayonetta saw a large group of ponies gathered around a spot on the ground, right in the middle of town square. She walked over, and saw a circle on the ground, about five feet in diameter, glowing blood red, with an outer circle of runes. Nopony dared to touch it.

Recognizing it instantly, she stated "Move aside dearies. I've got a friend to meet."

Hearing Bayonetta's voice, they turned and saw her. The crowd parted and let Bayonetta through. She stepped onto the circle, and with a wink, sunk into the circle.

Rodin was cleaning some shot glasses in his bar, The Gates Of Hell, Enzo sleeping in his chair at a table, feet propped on a table, when Bayonetta rose up from the ground using an identical circle to the first one. She stepped over to the bar and sat down.

Rodin looked up and smiled. He spoke in his deep, sonorous voice "Bayonetta. How ya been? Haven't seen you in a while."

She sighed in a dramatic fashion and stated "You would not believe where that bastard angel sent me. A world of sentient, talking, pastel ponies. And they're the dominant species. I need a drink, vodka sounds good right now."

Rodin 'humphed', and began pouring Bayonetta a glass. "I don't blame you. What's it like?"

She grabbed the glass and sipped it. "Apparently, murder is unheard of around here. I mentioned it to one unicorn, and she practically fainted."

At that moment, said unicorn rose up from the circle, and stated "Bayonetta, darling, there you are!"

Rodin looked over at the unicorn, then back at Bayonetta, and asked "This be the unicorn you mentioned?"

Bayonetta nodded. "Her name is Rarity. She was the first living thing I met in this world."

Rodin nodded as Rarity walked up to the bar and took a seat. "Name's Rodin. Welcome to The Gates of Hell, Rarity."

Rarity looked at the collection of drinks Rodin had, and asked "Do have red wine, dear?"

Rodin nodded, pulled out a wine glass and a red wine bottle from a small refrigerator under the counter. He poured the wine. Rarity took the glass with her magic and took a sip. "Darling, this wine is marvelous! Where did you get it?"

He chuckled and stated "Got it from a buddy of mine. Not sure where he gets it, and I don't ask."

The two ladies finished their drinks, and walked out together. They sunk into the ground.

Rodin poured himself a shot of liquor and shouted at Enzo "Enzo! Their drinks are going on your tab, buddy!" He drank the liquor. "Ya deadbeat motherfucker." He slammed the glass on the bar table. Enzo woke up and comically tipped back out of his chair.

Bayonetta and Rarity continued through town together, the stallions gaping and occasionally drooling at the pair of lovely females. Rarity suggested that Bayonetta be introduced to Rarity's friends, so they started at the library. Twilight was inside reading a book when the two ladies walked in.

Twilight looked up and asked "Rarity, who's your friend?"

Rarity responded "Her name is Bayonetta. Spike and I met her when we were walking back from gem collecting. Apparently, she is from a different dimension."

That last statement made Twilight perk up. "Wow, inter dimensional travel! How did you do it? What did you do?"

Bayonetta raised her hand and stated "I didn't do anything. An angel bastard ripped it open himself and threw me in."

Twilight's ears drooped. "Oh, okay. Well, what do you plan to do around here in Equestria?"

Bayonetta adjusted her glasses and responded "I don't really know. I was thinking of working with Rarity at the boutique, but I have no plans further than that."

Rarity and Bayonetta left the library and headed to Sugarcube Corner. Right as Rarity raised her hoof to knock, Pinkie threw open the door and went directly for Bayonetta. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, and I love to party! What's your name?"

Bayonetta stood back to get some space and stated "I am Bayonetta. An FYI, I do NOT think of parties as a good time. And what I think of as a good time is far from anything you have in mind."

Pinkie lost her smile, something very rare. It was replaced with a look of concern. "But everypony loves to party!"

Bayonetta chuckled and stated "You forget, I am not a pony."

Pinkie looked down and mumbled "Okay..." She turned and closed the door.

Rarity looked up at Bayonetta and stated "You didn't have to be so blunt."

Bayonetta held a slight look of annoyance as she said "If someone here can't handle me speaking my mind, then that is their problem."

The two ladies walked out to Sweet Apple Acres where Applejack and Rainbow Dash were hoof wrestling, while Flutterhsy was watching as a referee. Bayonetta realized that they were in a deadlock, and had been for a few minutes. She rolled her eyes, and snapped her fingers. A tendril of her hair popped out of a portal of the tree stump the two athletes were situated at, knocking them on their flanks and causing Fluttershy to 'eep' and hide behind a tree.

Rarity chuckled at the scene and pointed her hoof to each pony respectively as she stated "Bayonetta, meet Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy."

True to her nature, Rainbow Dash flew over and stated "Who are you? What did you do to us there?"

Bayonetta crossed her arms and stated "I am Bayonetta, and I used magic to end your little quarrel."

Applejack recognized the diva style of speaking and mumbled "Great, now we have two Rarites in town. As if one wasn't enough..."

Fluttershy peeked out from behind her tree and slowly walked over to the group. "I.. I'm Fluttershy." She said softly.

Bayonetta looked at the pegasus and stated "You have a fitting name. I'm Bayonetta darling."

Fluttershy tried to hide behind her mane. Bayonetta rolled her eyes, and in doing so, saw a small shape flying through the clouds above her. She squinted, and realized it was not a pegasus, but an angel. She pulled out her pistol, toke careful aim, and fired, startling the other ponies. A few seconds later, an angel fell and landed next to the group, a neat hole in it's head. All the ponies backed up in shock and fear, while Fluttershy hid behind Rainbow Dash. Bayonetta looked at what it was carrying and saw a scroll tube in its satchel. She removed it, opened it, and poured out the scroll. When she opened it up, she saw it was a letter.

Fortitudo,

You have not made my job any easier by sending an Umbran Witch to my land. I specifically wiped out all those who follow the dark arts, save for my sister, for a reason. I want immediate support in finding this witch, and I do not want any excuses this time. I do not need another war between light and dark in Equestria.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Bayonetta looked over at her friends and asked "Would any of you darlings know who Princess Celestia is?"

Applejack spoke up "She's the co-ruler of this entire land. Why do ya ask?"

Bayonetta spoke solemnly "She knows I'm here. And she wants me dead."

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Dead?" Rainbow Dash echoed. "Why would she want you dead? She's one of the nicest ponies in all of Equestria!"

Bayonetta was enjoying the thought of slaying another denizen of the light. She pulled out her Onyx Roses, dual shotguns, and used each hand to chamber a new round in each. They were automatic shotguns, but she wanted to make sure her first shots weren't already spent when she made her first introductions.

Rarity saw what Bayonetta was doing, and voiced her concern. "Bayonetta, you're not planning what I think you're planning?"

Rainbow Dash added "No one can beat the Princess! She's too powerful! And this is the Princess we're talking about here! You don't just fight a Princess without somepony finding out!"

Bayonetta smiled at their concern and stated very clearly "The Princess wants me dead. If she wants to kill me," she powerfully punctuated her sentence with the click of her pistol chambers shutting. "I invite her to try."

Fluttershy, not one for violence, asked "Um, couldn't we just ask her to leave you alone?"

Bayonetta brushed off the idea and stated "Sorry love, it doesn't work that way. The Princess is friends with the angels that want to kill me, like this one." She nudged the body with her heel. "This may be Paradiso's fight, but the Princess is obliged to help them." Bayonetta read the letter again. "Say, who is this 'sister' of the Princess?"

Applejack answered "That's Princess Luna, she rules Equestria alongside Celestia. Why do ya ask?"

Bayonetta thought her plan over once more. "If anyone can get that Princess Celestia to call of her assault on me, it's her sister. Twilight Sparkle writes to Princess Celestia on a regular basis, correct? Can we get her to send a letter explaining our predicament to Luna?"

Applejack thought for a minute, then stated "Ah suppose it'll work. It's not like we got many other options."

The group nodded, and began walking to the library. Once they got there, Beyonetta knocked and heard "Come in!" in response. When they walked in, Twilight was writing her letter to the Princess.

"Oh, hello Bayonetta. I was just about to tell the Princess about you in this letter-"

Bayonetta simply stated "Scrap the letter. We don't want the Princess to know I'm here. If she knows where I am, she will send all her forces to put my head on a stick."

Twilight chuckled and stated "You're being rediculous." She lifted the letter with her magic, but Bayonetta snatched it and crumpled it. She tossed it in the air above her and blasted it with her shotgun. The enchanted lead pellets ripped through the paper several times, leaving nothing but confetti and several small holes in the ceiling.

She put her gun away and stated "Send a new letter to Princess Luna."

Twilight fumbled and brought out a fresh piece of paper. She looked up and asked "What should it say?"

Bayonetta spoke while Twilight wrote "Dear Princess Luna, you're sister is out for my head, and will not stop until she gets it. You are the only one who could possibly change her mind. I ask that you make her see reason, or else I will have to resort to violence to survive. The Unbran Witch, Bayonetta."

Twilight sent the letter off herself. Not thirty seconds later, a flash of moonlight was created, and standing at it's origin was Princess Luna herself.

The Princess burst out laughing. "Make Tia see reason?! Bayonetta, once my sister is set on something, there is no way to change her mind. I do, however, believe that the Umbran Arts should not be forgotten." At this, Luna's horn glowed, and the Umbran symbol appeared in front of Luna and Luna walked through. As she passed through, her crown was transformed into a crescent moon-shaped masquerade mask. Her mane split into two halves, one wrapped around Luna like clothing, the other growing long and wide, and her tail split into many long, sharp tendrils. (I call these the Hydra Spears.)

Luna flipped her mane and stated with a devilish smile "Therefore, I will help you fight."

Bayonetta smiled, and handed Luna a red lollipop, which she took, and Bayonetta took one out for herself. "So, when does the fun start?" Just then, a roaring noise was heard outside. Luna and Bayonetta ran outside, and standing there was an angel known as Fairness. It was like a griffin, with it's large head and claws. It was covered in the golden armor of Paradiso, mainly its head, which was completely encased in the armor, making its head look much larger than it actually was. It's wings we're too small to lift the heavy beast. The beast roared again, rippling the air. Luna and Bayonetta looked at each other and nodded.

Luna dashed to the right of the beast, pricking it with her Hydra Spears to distract it. The beast turned and swiped a claw at her, which Luna skillfully rolled away and dodged. Bayonetta grabbed it's tail and began swinging it in a circle. After a few spins, she released the beast and watched it fly thought the air. She pulled out her Onyx Roses and ran to it's landing point. She jumped over it as it slid along the ground, unleashing a torrent of lead from above. Luna twisted her spears together, and struck the beast hard in the side. The force of the impact shattered the beast's armor. Luna and Bayonetta jumped in the air, combining their magic power to perform the Torture Attack known as the Ripper Wheel. A massive wheel covered with long, skewering spikes was summoned and slammed down parallel into the beast. It whimpered as Luna and Bayonetta reared back for a powerful buck and kick respectively. They struck simultaneously, sending the beast and wheel rolling into a nearby building, where the wheel shattered and dissipated, and the Fairness was ripped apart into a glorious shower of blood and limbs.

They both looked at each other and smiled. Bayonetta spoke "Not bad for someone who's rusty at the job."

Luna converted back to her normal image. "I just needed a good challenge to get back on my feet."

The others came out from whatever bit of cover they were hiding behind. Twilight asked "Did Princess Celestia send that... Thing?"

Luna nodded. "Tia hates the Umbran Arts. The only reason I had not been killed already is because we're sisters."

Bayonetta stated "She will send more, you know."

Luna nodded, and stated "Let her. I've been waiting to stick it to Tia for a long time. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she gets her ass kicked by two witches."