My Unfortunate Encounters

by Z-A-C

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Other, Comedy, Rarity, Random
Length: 2645

It is spring. Beautiful season, spring. But how the hell am I going to deal with estrus stricken ponies?

It is spring. Beautiful season, spring. Flowers are blooming, tree's leaves are coming back, Especially in Equestria. Only, one problem. Estrus hits these ponies hard and apparently most of them like exotic types. How the hell am I going to deal with this? And how will this end?

(This is a non-canon side story to What Would Really Happen, set sometime in the future. It is not "clop" as I am horrible at writing it. I am writing this for the hell of it and am expecting thumbs down. This is going to be "real" as well, just like W.W.R.H. Like I said For S&G's)

Published 2013-09-20 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-20 22:30:02 UTC

Someone Please Shoot Me

~Someone Please shoot Me AKA Spring time, Bloody Spring time

"America is so fucked up. It's legal to fuck a horse in some states. WTF!"-Me

I was waking up much like any other day. I had this amazing dream of this hot chick giving me a B.J. It was lucid too and it was wonderful! I could feel the smile on my face as I was waking up. As I was slowly opened my eyes, I thought I saw a pale pink and purple head bobbing up and down. I closed my eyes for a few minutes before I realized a couple of things. 1. I'm still in Equestria. 2. Sweetie Belle has that mane color, and 3. She is considered underage here.

My eyes snapped open, and It was indeed Sweetie Belle bobbing her head up and down on my morning wood. To top it off. The other two CMCs were there too. If I could explain the feeling I felt. It would be rage and pleasure. She was doing a lot better than my Ex. I snapped out of it and smacked her. "What the fuck, do you think you are doing!?!?" I yelled. "And I swear if you say 'searching for our cutie marks', I. Will. Straggle you!" I said in a growl that time.

"We were um..." She looked at Scootaloo and Applebloom. They didn't have an excuse either. "Um...um...." she started looking around frantically.

"Yeah, that's what I thought!" I grabbed some parchment from my night table, and rolled it up. I started smacking Sweetie Belle. "Bad pony! Bad! Bad! Go home! The three of ya! Get! Out!" I smacked her again, extra hard. The all jumped off of the bed and ran away, crying. I put everything back where it needed to go and got out of bed. I stomped into the main room, where Twilight met me with a confused look.

"Why did they just run out?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "How did they even get in here!?"

"I don't know but you don't want to know what they did." I said with much anger. "I'll need to have a talk with their guardians!"

"What did they do?"

"Are you sure you want to know? 'Cause I'll tell ya. And you wont like it!"

"Um... Never mind?"

"That would be the correct answer, yes. Now I'm off to see Rarity about her sister! Fucking little...." I walked out of the door, slamming it. Of all the things that could happen today. I had to be getting sucked off in my sleep by an underage pony! What the fuck is this world coming to! I walked the rest of the way in silent rage. When I reached Rarity's shop, I banged on the door.

"We're closed!" I heard Rarity call from behind the door.

"It's me! Open the door, we need to talk!"

There was a pause. "Come back later dear! I'm busy with...a big order!"

"Fine!" I turned around and started toward Sweet Apple Acres. "I shouldn't have expected much else from her." I saw some of the mares of the town stare at me. I ignored it the best I could but it was unnerving.

~Rainbow's Attempted Rut~

I reached the dirt road that led to Applejack's farm, when I saw Rainbow Dash nearby. "This works pretty good. Tell her about Scootaloo and the A.J. about Applebloom." I thought as I called out for Rainbow.

She perked up and flew over to me. "Yeah?"

"You need to talk with Scoots."

She sighed. "What did she do now?"

I looked around. "I don't want to talk about it here. Let's go somewhere else."

She tilted her head, but nodded. Her and I don't really interact much, so this was relatively new for us. We went deeper into the orchard until I stopped. "Okay. So whats up?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

I wondered how I would tell her but there was really only one way. "Her and the rest of the CMC broke into the library earlier. And um..."

"Did she steal something?!"

"No, no. But it was kind of worse then theft."

"What did she do then?"

"She was watching Sweetie Belle...uh..." I trailed off. This was really awkward.

"Out with it! What. Did. She. Do?"

I took a deep breath. "She watched Sweetie Belle give me head while I was asleep! And I'll almost bet that they were taking turns."

She blinked a couple times. "Are you serious?"

"Very."

She started snickering. "Wow! You are the only male I know that would complain about something like that! I'd almost say that you're-"

"If you finish that I will gut you." I said in a dead serious tone. "If it wasn't for the fact that they weren't the same species as me and underage, then we wouldn't be having this talk!"

She then got this look on her face. Like she was planning something. I don't like it. "You know," I don't like that voice she's using. "I might be able to change your mind."

"A-about what?"

She got real close and whispered into my ear. "Interspecies sex." She said in the most seductive voice she could manage.

"What about your talk with Scootaloo?"

"Oh I'll talk with her. Right after this." She then reached for my pants. But I stopped her.

"Stop! This isn't right!" I yelled.

"Why not?" She asked with an annoyed voice. "You aren't a coltcuddler, are you?"

"What!?" I asked outraged. "Fuck no!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"The fact that you're a pony!"

"And I said I'll change that!"

I pushed her off and went for her neck. Grasping it firmly, but not enough to harm her. "And I said no!" I growled.

"How did you know I liked it rough?" She purred. Disgusted, I picked her up and threw her. As soon as she left my hands, I bolted. Weaving in and out of trees, trying to out run her seemed at least possible.

I ran for about another twenty minutes until I stopped. I couldn't hear her anymore, so I thought I could rest. "What the hell is wrong with her?" I thought. "This is ridiculous!" I started walking and trying to find my way out of this huge orchard. I got maybe twenty steps until I heard something. Sense I'm a fucking idiot, I turned and looked in the direction the sound came from. There she was, bending over with her tail lifted. The sight made me want to vomit. So like some screwed up game, I took off again.

~Applejack's Bad Jokes~

Maybe about twenty more minutes of running, and I was out of the orchard. I saw Applejack and started to run towards her. "Applejack! Help! I think She's gone crazy!" She turned her head toward me. "Do something!" I said as I passed her, with rainbow not to far behind. All of a sudden I hear a thud and stopped. Panting, I looked back to see Rainbow hogtied.

"Now what in tar-nation is going on here?"

I walked up to the two of them and glared at Rainbow. "This one here tried to convince me to have sex with her."

"Really?" She looked at Dash. "Did ya really try to force something that sacred on to him?"

"Well I-"

"There's nothing you can use as an excuse!" I interrupted. "Now be quiet while I talk to A.J.!"

She raised an eyebrow. "What to you need to talk to me about?"

"Your sister and her friends thoughts it would be funny to break into my room and give me a blowjob while I was asleep."

Her face flushed red. "D-do you really expect me to believe that?"

I scowled at her. "Do I look like I'm kidding!"

"N-no." She looked away from me.

"Do you have any idea what would make them think that it was a good idea?"

She tapped her chin in thought. "Well, Cheerilie taught the children about sex the other day." She lifted her head, like she remembered something. "That, and it's estrus season and all."

My face fell. "E-estrus?" I backed away from Applejack. "Oh fuck, don't tell me-"

"Nope. Ah can control it a might better than most mares. But Applebloom and her friends can't. Do you have any idea where they went?" I shook my head. "Well, shoot." She then looked at me. "But ya know, we could have a wrassle in the hay for a bit."

"Not you too!"

She laughed. "Na, Ah'm just messin' with ya." She looked at Dash. "But you and I's gotta have some words." She grabbed the rope. "See ya later Zane." And she walked off. Rainbow gave me a weird look but I ignored her.

"U-um...okay." I just turned around and walked away while Applejack dragged Rainbow into the barn. "Don't wanna think about it, and I don't think I will."

~Rarity's Unladylike Behavior~

I walked up to Rarity's shop again and knocked on the door.

"We're Closed!"

I rolled my eyes. "It's me again!" And like a bolt of lightning, the door opened and Rarity pulled me in.

"Why, hello darling!" She all but slammed the door. "What brings you here."

"R-Rarity? You're acting strange."

"Oh nonsense dear." She chuckled. "Come, sit down." I watched her carefully while following her. She lead me to her living room couch. "Now, for what do I owe the...pleasure." I don't like how she said that.

I shook my head. "Yes, well." I cleared my throat. "It's about Sweetie Belle."

Her smile turned into a frown. "What did that filly do this time?"

I chuckled nervously. "You're not going to believe me," I paused. She was looking at expectantly. How to handle this delicately? "Her and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders broke into my room and did..." Think! "...unladylike things."

She tilted her head. "Like what dear?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Well, considering the season and all..." I trailed off, but her eyes widened.

"She didn't!?"

"Well it wasn't actually uh...that, just oral..."

She calmed down a little bit. "Well that is a small bit of relief."

"For you maybe. I hope that you would have a nice talk with her?"

"Oh yes, you needn't worry about it."

"Thank you." I stood up and began to leave, when I felt something tug on my shirt. Shit. I turned around and saw Rarity's horn glowing. "Yes?"

"I just had a thought." I don't like where this is going. "Why don't you stay awhile and help me."

"I'm in a hurry actually."

"Oh, nonsense!" I heard the front door lock and gulped. "This could be a relief for both of us."

I shook my head. "No, actually. I'm perfectly fine."

She started to walk towards me. "But I know you haven't been involved in coitus since you've been here, and who knows how long before that! This could be our chance to help one another."

I started backing up. "Rarity, think about this."

"Oh, but I am darling." She said with half lidded eyes. "And it will be wondrous."

"Rarity, stop!"

A thought seemed to strike her, as she looked at me in shock. "Y-you aren't a...virgin are you?"

Despite the situation, I laughed at that. "HA! No, but I still don't want this."

The shocked expression faded away, and she continued to walked toward me. "Just relax then. There's nothing to worry about."

"Considering it's taboo to have sex with animals where I come from, there is a lot to worry about!"

She stopped. "Y-you think of me as a common animal?" Tears started to appear in her eyes.

"Not necessarily, but you are a pony and you do walk on four legs."

"Oh, I-I see." She walked over to the seat she sat at before. I know what she was doing, but I still felt bad.

I cautiously walked toward her. "It's not just you, don't feel bad. I turned down Rainbow Dash and, if she tried anything, I would have turned down Applejack. Same goes with anyone else." I stopped in front of her. She smiled and unzipped my pants. "I knew it!" I smacked her and zipped them back up.

She looked at me with a big grin on her face. "Bad boy, you need to be punished." she said as she levitated a ridding crop from somewhere in the room. Crap. She had to secretly be a dominatrix type. I took no time taking off toward the door. But it was still locked. She was right behind me, and tried to use her magic to take my shirt off. I picked something off of the floor and threw it at her, but missed. "That calls for a harsher punishment."

I was starting to get angry. "Quit it!"

"Make me."

Well she asked for it. I took a bolt of cloth of the desk she was pinning me against, and started beating her with it. "AUGH!" I slammed it against the side of her head.

"Okay Zane dear, you've made your point." But I couldn't stop. "Okay Zane! That is quite enough!" She used her magic to take the bolt of cloth away from me. When she saw that that hadn't worked she zapped me with a spell. "Calm down!"

"I am calm!! You just pushed me to far!" I went over to the door. "Unlock the fucking door, or I'll..." I took a deep, calming breath. "Just unlock the door." She did so and I left. I heard her calling for Sweetie Belle and shook my head. "Fuckin' ponies."

~The End~

I started walking toward the library when I noticed all of the stares I was getting. I am in no mood for this. "WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT!?!?!" Some looked away, but the ones that didn't started walking toward me. I stared backing away, but they kept coming. Some even started to trot toward me. I turned around and ran. But they all followed me. Soon enough it was a like a stampede, or a mob chasing after me. Every turn there was another mare to add to the mob that was chasing after me. Fuck my life right now.

Oddly enough, we ended up on the cliff from before. I stood at the edge and aimed carefully for the ledge that was sticking out, and jumped. Thankfully I landed on it and went into the small cave that was in the cliff face. Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie jumped out from the back and caused me to stumble back. I lost my balance and couldn't regain it. Soon enough, before I knew it, I slipped off of the edge. Despite her attempts, Pinkie couldn't get a hold of my hand. And I was falling. I saw a pegasus race toward me but it was too late.

I heard the pegasus call out my name. It was Rainbow Dash. "Don't worry! I've got you!" But she didn't. I hit the ground with a loud thud. The pain I was in was astounding. My vision blurred as I spat up blood. I felt my fingers twitch, as I looked up. I could vaguely see some pegasi rushing toward me but there was no way they could anything to help me. I was dead as soon as I reached the ground. I saw Rainbow and Pinkie next to me. Pinkie was crying and Rainbow was trying not to. I coughed up some more blood as everything faded to black. I heard one of them call out my name as I twitched once more, but it was distant.

And like a candle, the light that was my life went out in a gust of wind.

Author's Note

Yeah I know. Not a happy ending. Bite me. (Just kidding. Thanks for reading)