Red Sky: The True Story of Equestria's Finest Mercenaries

by Drefsab

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 13795

The story of the Red Sky and her crew of merry mercenaries, as told by the leader of the group, Glendra, a griffon with aspirations of fame and fortune...who is stuck with a crew of misfits, alcoholics, and uppity unicorns.

There are, as I've always believed, two kinds of mercenaries: Those who do it solely for profit, and those who do it because, hey, why the hell not? Sometimes you get bored with the monotony of everyday life. Sometimes you want to be your own boss. And sometimes, being your own boss means causing mayhem and making heaps of money.

My name is Glendra, though everyone just calls me "boss", and I'm a griffon with a very simple goal in life: To make as much money as possible, to have a damn good time doing it, and to be a pain in the neck for as many of my enemies as possible.
And I have a lot of enemies.

For the first time, I've made our exploits known to the public in this little book you're about to read. There will be swearing, there will be violence and copious amounts of explosions, and there will definitely be brooding sexual tension. Just...so much of it. If that sounds like a good time to you, by all means, give it a read!
But no refunds.

-The Boss

Published 2013-09-19 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-24 08:27:24 UTC

1 - A Rough Start

The ground came rushing up at me. I flapped my wings in a desperate bid to gain altitude, but all I could manage was to slow myself just enough to avoid making this the shortest mission of my illustrious career, and thus, the shortest book you've ever read. Realizing I wouldn't be able to make a four-point landing, I tucked my knees into me and rolled with the landing as best I could. I smashed into the peat moss below with a wet 'smack', nearly on the edge of passing out.

Fun fact: peat moss isn't as soft as it appears. At least, not when you've just recovered from a screaming free-fall. I don't remember them mentioning that part in my school days. What I do remember is pain.

Fortunately for you and I both, I like pain. It reminds me that I'm still alive. And my friends, right then and there, I was very much alive.

"Ugghhh...friggin' hell..."

An echoing, barely-there reverb sounded in my ear. I forced myself from the rain-soaked ground, shaking off the warm, fuzzy feeling that can only come from a near-death experience. The echo continued in short bursts; I realized it was someone trying to contact me. I reached down to one of the the small, silvery pieces of magic-infused iron that were fastened to my upper neck, depressing the tiny rune that met my touch.

"Boss! You okay?! Answer me!"

Wild Card. If I could count on anyone to make sure I didn't go more than thirty seconds without being bothered, it was him. I lowered my head to speak into the device.

"I'm fine, Card. Mostly." Bruised ego notwithstanding.

"Holy hells, I saw ya pancake from here! Looked like a fuckin' hundred pound sack 'a potatoes!"

Flattering. "Yeah, thanks." I attempted to brush most of the clingy moss from my feathers and coat, but it was less than easy going. I gave up with a shrug and gave myself a quick pat down, mostly to make sure my gear was still in my vest pockets. Compass, emergency rations, ammunition...

"I thought griffons was supposed to be good at flyin'," he said only half-jokingly.

"Hey, it's not my fault I got caught in the downpour, fuck-you-very-much." Okay, it was entirely my fault, but I'd never admit such a thing. Least of all to someone like Card. I'm the Boss, nothing's my fault unless I want it to be! One of the perks of being in charge.

"Sounds like you're fine to me," he quipped. "Hold on, Scarlet wants to speak with ya." I grumbled to myself as he passed the communication device to our resident smart-ass unicorn, emphasis on the "ass" part. Not so much the "smart". She'd probably kill me for saying that, but hey, by the time she reads this, I'll be living in a mountain-top villa.

Maybe.

"Anything broken? Bruised? You want me to come over to take a look?"

"I'm alright," I answered impatiently. "The sooner we end this love-fest the sooner we can get this shit done and get out."

"Whatever you say, Boss. Stay where you are, we're coming up on you about two hundred yards to your south."

Okay, okay, hold on. I hear whining coming from nearly everyone reading right now. What's that? You have no idea what's going on? Look, I'm in the middle of describing a mission and -- oh, fine. But just a summary, alright? We'll get to the nitty-gritty later, but I suppose a little info dump couldn't hurt. After all, you deserve to know what's going on, and who better to fill you in than the very griffon who leads this little two-bit outfit?

I'll introduce you formally a little while later, but for now, all you need to know is that my main operating team consists of Scarlet Melody, a unicorn with a quick brain and a gimped horn, Wild Card, an earth pony with a penchant for swearing and large weapons, and Kuadi, a zebra who is...hard to describe. There's a few more, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And me? The name's Glendra, but no one but my parents calls me that. Everyone else just calls me "boss", or "that griffon bitch", or "stop her, she's a wanted criminal". Depends, really.

Basically, my loveable little crew of assholes and hedonists had been asked by the Equestrian government to check out a small facility in the "wilds lands", the unclaimed stretch of land between the Swayback Mountains, which marks the edge of Equestrian rule, and the Rustling Plains, home to the always friendly Zebran Republic. The fact that both of them had declared us enemies of the state more than once was, apparently, just a formality, and easily forgotten.

As it happened, Princess Twilight had caught wind of a Fifth Pillar outpost in the area, and since she couldn't officially sanction any action against a non-aggressive party, it meant that it had fallen on yours truly to scope out the area and find out what I could, then report back in one week. In, out, sneaky-sneaky, no problem. A very generous sum was, of course, offered as compensation for my valuable time.

Hey, who am I to argue with money?

So, with the promise of a lucrative pay-out, I took the job. If the Princess herself was so eager to see what was up, I'd be her eyes and ears. And if I got to rough up a few Fifth Pillar chumps along the way, then all the better!

Oh, right. The Fifth Pillar. Some of you reading this will already be familiar with them. For the uninitiated, The Fifth Pillar is a sort of socio-political entity that believes in a sort of "world without borders". Their name comes from the four pillars of Equestrian society: Equality, Tolerance, Perseverence and Magic. What our friends at 5-P have done is tack on a fifth pillar: Individualism (read: Anarchy). They want to "lead the world into a new era of personal prosperity" and yada yada. They're really just extremists. Well intentioned extremists, but extremists none-the-less.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly a fan of government bureaucracy or any of that bullshit, but I don't think that forcing everyone to fend for themselves is a step in the right direction.

But yeah, 5-P is fond of spreading propaganda, trying to rig elections, the usual "revolutionary" crap. Sometimes they get violent, but their PR people always manage to spin it into the griffon, or pony, or whatever-in-question not representing their views and beliefs.

So, they're tolerated by the various governments as annoying, but not really a threat.

If only they knew. I suppose quite a few will after this book is released. But I'm getting ahead of myself. There's only so much exposition I can spout without my trigger talon getting itchy. So, let's jump back to where we were, in media res, shall we? Let's shall. As I recall, I had just turned myself into a lawn dart, and was awaiting some backup. With the rain and all, it took a long time for said backup to arrive.

"Coming up on your six," Scarlet said, just above a whisper. I could hear their muddy hoof stamps squelching through the wet moss.

"Take your time getting here, did ya?"

"You're lucky you pay me, or I wouldn't tramp through this muck in the first place." Scarlet Melody, our resident medic-slash-accountant-slash-snooper, was never one for getting dirty. If it were up to her, she'd stay back on the ship and tally up our finances while the rest of us got shot at. Fortunately, she's a crack shot and a smooth talker. Even procured those neat communication thingies we'd been increasingly relying on.

And in case you're wondering: no. She can't sing. Yeah, I know her name's "Scarlet Melody" but pony names are fuckin' weird anyway. What do parents do, name their kids and hope their talent matches? Is their talent influenced by their name? What if you named your new foal "Sewage Mop"? Would they be stuck with a life of cleaning out toilets?

But, I digress. Scarlet can't carry a note to save her life. Besides, I don't think you can sing a scumbag to death, much less when he's shooting at you.

"Always a pleasure, Scarlet." I reached into my vest and pulled out a telescoping spyglass. The rain wasn't helping matters, but the spyglass at least provided me with a somewhat decent view of the compound ahead.

"What's the situation?" I heard the quiet chiming sound of magic, no doubt Scarlet pulling some map or other from her seemingly bottomless vest pockets.

The situation, it turned out, was relatively quiet. A squat, two story building was just ahead of us, maybe five hundred yards out. A few lights were shining from various points, but all in all it looked like an easy place to scope out. There appeared to be a flight of stairs, or maybe a ramp, leading off from the right side, but at that distance it was hard to say.

"Noooot much," I answered, sweeping the spyglass over the area to make sure. "Don't even see anyone patrolling."

"Hardly surprising," Wild Card replied in his Bucklyn-heavy accent. "How many ponies do you know who are up and about at three in the morning?"

"You, for one. And if you're up, they could be, too." I tucked the spyglass back into my vest. "Alright, you know the deal: stay low, stay quiet. The rain should help mask our movement and muffle our sounds, but don't count on it too much. We'll leap-frog up, twenty yard sprints. You two cover my ass while I'm moving, got it?"

"Got it. Uh, quick question...where's Adi?" That'd be Kuadi he's referring to, our resident sneaky-sneaky stealth expert. You'll see him in a bit. "Shouldn't he have joined us by now?"

"How the hell should I know?" I shrugged. "You know that slippery bastard as well as I do. He'll catch up."

"Yeah," Card grumbled. I unslung my rifle from my back, a sweet little custom number from the fine folks at Everfree Arms. Bolt-action, five shot stripper clip, a mean little folding bayonet, and fully matte painted in dark brown and grey to avoid reflecting any light. Top of the line firearms technology -- another perk of being a merc. Wild Card and Scarlet pulled out their own weapons, a pump-action shotgun and a lever-action carbine respectively.

"Ready?" They nodded. "Alright. Moving up."

I scrambled, low and quick, for roughly twenty yards before hugging the dirt. Every muscle in my body screamed loudly in protest, still battered from my less-than-ideal landing, but I ignored it and pushed on. No one shooting at us yet. Always a good sign. I signaled, and they moved to my position while I maintained an overwatch. We repeated the maneuver a good ten or fifteen times, always inching closer to the compound. In a few minutes we were less than a hundred yards out, relatively certain that--

"Shit! Get down!" I said as loudly as I could without being too loud. I heard them hit the dirt.

"What's up?"

"5-P walking around the perimeter. Must have missed him at first glance."

The silhoutte of a well-built earth pony slowly paced between the ends of the building, sticking to an aluminum overhang to stay out of the rain. Every so often he'd stop and puff a cigarette he kept clenched in his teeth. The cigarette was a small blessing -- every time it flared it would screw with his night vision. We could use the time his eyes would take to readjust to move up, if we had to. But it wasn't the cigarette that worried me, it was the contraption around his waist and back. Whatever it was, it didn't look very friendly.

"Same deal, but keep your sights trained on him. We'll move when he turns away."

He meandered for a few seconds before turning back around and trotting off.

"Go."

We took a longer sprint, closer to forty yards. We were almost at the building. No other guards were spotted, but we couldn't be too sure.

"So what do we do about our smokin' friend?" Wild Card asked, his sight firmly locked on the unaware schmuck who was about to have a very bad day.

"We gotta do it quietly," I answered, drawing my curved blade from its sheath around my right hind leg. I subconciously dug my paws into the ground, waiting to make a pounce as I calculated the time I would need. If I could get the jump on him, I could be on top of him in just over three seconds...

I heard Scarlet scoff. "You two are such savages, I swear." As I turned to look she was already pulling a small dart from a bandolier around her left foreleg. She yanked a small bit of cork from the end of the dart and stuck the tiny projectile between her teeth. "Shometimesh, I won'er if you like gettin' covered in blood." From a satchel she produced a length of hollow wood and carefully set the feathered dart into the rear of it. "We don't have to kill everyone we see, you know."

"Better than him waking up and blowing our cover," I retorted. Scarlet was having none of it. Big surprise.

"Please. You confuse me for a rank amateur. This is concentrated snapvine poison. One prick and he'd sleep through the end of the world itself." She triumphantly crawled past me, biting down on the tube. "Just 'cause it's old fashioned doesn't mean it's useless."

I watched as she shimmied her way another twenty yards out, keeping my rifle trained on the guard just in case. With the grace of a...graceful, pony-like...thing...she crouched behind a patch of scrub brush, sticking one end of the tube in her mouth and bracing it between her hooves. We didn't even hear her let out a puff of air, but we definitely saw the guard slap at his neck like he was swatting a mosquito. He was on the ground less than a second later, snoring loudly.

"You barbarians can come out now," she yelled to us. Wild Card chuckled to my left.

"She got ya dere, boss."

"Yeah, yeah..."

With the only thing between us and the building taken care of, we squished our way over to our muddied unicorn companion. She was all smiles. It was infuriating -- I'm the boss, damnit, I'm supposed to be right all the time!

"I told you s--"

"Not. A word," I interrupted her before she could gloat. She shrugged and tucked the tube back into her satchel. The sleeping guard was still snoring loudly, a stream of drool running from the corner of his mouth. "Check him for intel, you never know what he's carrying." I prodded the metal device he was still wearing, unsure of what I was looking at, at least for a moment. The pieces clicked together soon enough, and it dawned on me.

"Well damn, that's a gun he's wearing."

"Two guns," Card corrected me, pointing a hoof at the other side of the guard's torso. "High caliber rifles, from da look of it."

"Impressive firepower."

"Mmmm. I've heard 'a dese things, but this da first time I've ever seen one. 'Battle Saddles', dey call 'em. Pretty new tech. Gotta turn ya whole body to aim and fire, but whatever ya hit ain't gonna be too happy."

A firearm -- or two, in this case -- that you can't aim without exposing yourself didn't seem too practical to me, but then, ponies aren't fortunate enough to have opposable talons. And if they can't use their fancy-ass magic like a unicorn can, then they're really just stuck with modified firearms with giant trigger groupings and oversized grips and buttstocks so they can be steadied with one leg. Pony firearms, as a result, tend to look kind of ridiculous, but they compensate with higher rates of fire or larger calibers. You can laugh at them all day, but Emperor help you if you get shot by one.

"Can we strip it down?" I asked.

"Maybe. But it would take more time 'n we have. Best I can do is unload da thing and keep da ammo. I'll frisk 'im while I'm at it, too."

"Good enough, do it. Scarlet and I are gonna take a look-see around the first floor."

"Have fun." He set to work trying to figure out how to unload the 'battle saddle' while Scarlet and myself readied our weapons. I switched out to a five-shot revolver I keep tucked under my right wing in a holster. Scarlet opted to keep her carbine, arguing it was short enough to function indoors.

I was worried the door to the entry way might be locked, but a twist of the handle was enough to open it. I slowly pushed it open, my revolver leading the way. The room was clear, just a small storage area lined with gardening equipment and mechanical tools for the oil-burning generator I could hear humming away in the next room. Good. The noise would cover our steps. I shifted to stand on my hind legs for the moment, not wanting to alert anyone with the click of my talons on the concrete floor.

Another door in front of us. Again I pushed it open. Still empty. As the zebras would say: The ancestors were with us. Still, I've snooped and snuck and sneaked my way into enough places to know that it's never this easy. If it was easy, they wouldn't have hired us. Scarlet was apparently of the same mind.

"I don't get it," she whispered as we made our way into a large, two-tiered room. A large skylight topped the second floor, overlooking a rectangular layout of light brick walls dotted with wooden doors. "Place this big, there should be somepony wandering around. Maybe it's run on a skeleton crew?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, "or maybe we really did catch everyone sleeping."

"That'd be a nice change."

"This place is bigger than it looks...where do we begin?"

"If you were keeping something a secret, where would you store it?"

"Hmm. As far from the entrances as possible, behind the biggest door I can find. Eyes out, just in case."

The end of the building closest to us had a grated, spiraling staircase leading to the second floor. I nodded to Scarlet, who did her best to make her way up as quietly as possible. My way was much simpler -- a flap of my wings and a push off from my legs and I was airborne. I cleared the guard rail and landed quietly, making a show of waiting for Scarlet to catch up.

"Show off," she mumbled. I just had to crack a wry smile at her.  A loud 'bang' at the end of the hallway made us scramble for cover behind a low wall; I peeked out, spotting a sleepy pegasus stumbling his way down the hall. He disappeared into what I assumed was a bathroom, coming out a minute later and shutting the same door behind him.

"That could have been bad."

"No kidding. Come on." We passed several rooms, none of them particularly interesting. A few sleeping 'employees' were scattered around, but there were quite a few empty cots. Wherever the owners of those cots were, they were likely to be trouble.

We sprinted from cover to cover, keeping in the shadows as much as possible. Only one of the rooms caught my attention, one that appeared to be a bit larger than the others. It was also the only room to have light shining through the small, fogged glass windows that dotted one side.

"Bingo."

I approached the door carefully, trying to be as quiet as possible. I jiggled the handle, but it was stubbornly locked. Well, shit. So much for 'easy'. I told Scarlet the bad news.

"What do we do now?" she asked, trying to get a view through the windows. She wasn't having any luck, either.

"What do you think? I'm gonna have to pick the damn thing open."

She frowned. "Great. Try to hurry."

"No shit." I had to fidget around my vest to find the lockpicking tools. The sound of muffled speech from inside the room made me stop for a moment. It sounded like just one voice, but I couldn't be too sure. In a few seconds I had the last tumbler primed to be bypassed; I motioned to Scarlet to watch the door and be ready as soon as I opened it. She nodded, stepping up to the door frame and levitating her carbine in front of her. I counted down with my claws -- three, two, one.

With practiced precision we burst into the room, guns at the ready, checking the corners and clearing our sides of the room. A very surprised unicorn mare let out a yelp as the door was thrown open. Scarlet was on her immediately after, pinning the other pony to the ground and using a foreleg to stifle her protests.

"Quiet!" Scarlet demanded.  I finished my sweep of the room, certain that our surprised guest was the only occupant. It was a fairly large room, lined from top to bottom with all kinds of flasks, chalk boards and papers. Obviously some kind of research room. I snuck a peek back into the hallway, then shut the door to give the three of us a little privacy.

I cocked my head at our new acquaintance, a pretty little thing with a light blue coat and white mane with streaks of silver. Big, yellow eyes stared back at me in abject terror. I leaned in close and kept my voice just above a whisper.

"Now, listen to me very carefully, because I'm only going to say this once. Understood?" She nodded frantically. "Good. We're looking to get a little bit of information about what's going on here. If you cooperate, you won't be harmed. If you don't, things are going to end very poorly. Clear?"

She made a little squeaking noise, but nodded anyway.

"Alright. Scarlet, you can remove your foreleg now."

"Scream and you're dead, got it?" Scarlet slowly pulled her foreleg away and stood up, letting the other mare get to her hooves. She was still shaking, but managed to brush the dirt off her lab coat. That gave me some hope that she'd cooperate -- it showed that she was still able to focus. Her horn flared with yellow magic for a moment, levitating a pair of small, rectangular glasses from a nearby table. She blinked a few times to focus, then spoke up.

"Who...who are you?"

I sat down on my haunches and tucked my wings in, holstering my pistol. Scarlet remained on guard, taking cover behind a metallic table to watch the doorway.

"I'll tell ya what, sweet heart: you tell me who you are, and I'll return the favor."

"Ah...right, of course." She adjusted her lab coat, standing up straighter. "My name is Aurora. I-I'm the lead researcher here. Or at least, for now."

I nodded. "Nice to meet you, Aurora, my name's Glendra. Sorry about the unfortunate circumstances of our meeting, but we couldn't be sure how many of you were in here. I'd much rather be civil than violent, but I find both are equally useful." Well, okay, that may have been a teeny lie. Violence is so much more fun!

"Er, yes...you said you wanted me to cooperate?" I deflected the question for now, hoping to build up her trust a little more before the questioning began in earnest.

"That's a very charming accent you've got goin' on. Where's that from, exactly?"

"Clopshire. That's, uh, just south of Buckingham. I-If you've been there."

"Matter of fact, I have," I answered with a smile. "Was up that way a few years ago. Nice place, bland food." She remained silent for a moment, so I pressed on. "Miss Aurora, I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to cut to the chase here. My team and I were under the assumption that something is going on out here, and judging by the science-y crap all over here, I'd say we were right. So, if you wouldn't mind, I have a few questions for you."

"Sure, I suppose..."

"First of all, I need to know how many of you are here. In the facility, I mean."

She started pacing back and forth. "Ah...well, that really depends. Usually it's around ten to fifteen, but that number can double during weekends." Great. We'd only spotted another six on our way up. The sleeping guard made seven, and our helpful hostage made eight. That meant there could be up to another seven that we'd missed. I keyed my comm device.

"Card, what the fuck's taking you so long?"

The slightly distorted reply came a few seconds later. "Sorry, boss, but I was tryin' to disassemble da battle saddle. Think I gots it figured out."

"Well hurry it up. We just made a new friend, and she says we could be missing a bunch of party guests."

"Shit. Alright, I'll make it quick. Out."

Aurora looked at me in worry. "Battle saddle? That means you ran into...oh, no...you didn't kill Ruckus, did you?"

I shook my head. "If you mean the guy who was outside, no, we didn't kill him. He's very much asleep, though. He'll be alright."

"Oh, thank you," she sighed. "He's a good stallion."

"Right. You've been very helpful so far, so let's continue, shall we? What can you tell me about what's going on at this place?"

She flicked her tail nervously. "Ah, I'm not sure how much I can tell you. I'm just one of the researchers. They only tell me what they need to."

"I thought you said you were the lead researcher."

"I am. As I said, I'm the lead researcher for now. They rotate us out every couple of weeks." I sighed loudly, making it clear that it wasn't a sufficient response. "B-But I can tell you about my current project! It's a sort of...combat enhancer. A potion. It's supposed to make you more perceptive and quicker to react, as well as a very strong pain killer."

I cocked an eyebrow. "And why in the hell would a bunch of political activists need a kill-happy potion?"

She gave me a look that said she was less than amused. "You know as well as I do that Fifth Pillar isn't as spotless as they make themselves out to be. Who knows? They don't tell me why they need it, they just tell me that they do. So, here I am."

"And you voluntarily work for these psychos? Come on, Aurora. You strike me as a smart girl. If you don't buy into 5-P's propaganda bullshit, why are you here in the first place?"

"Because they're not all bad. Most of the Fifth Pillar members really do believe in the whole 'world without borders' thing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't see some romantic notion behind that. Just...perhaps not in the way the more extreme members see it. I joined up with them to try and help! They said they could use my expertise to help crops grow larger and quicker, feed the masses, that sort of thing."

I laughed. "Pfft. A little naive, aren't we?"

"Perhaps," she shrugged. "But the promise of a weekly coin pouch that was quadruple that of my old job was a pretty good incentive. I didn't think I'd end up working on...this," she motioned to the lab equipment around her. "But I'm under contractual obligation, and if I tried to leave...well, they don't look very kindly on such things." She kicked a hoof at the ground. "I've heard rumors of Fifth Pillar members being hired out as mercenaries, but most of the armed ponies -- and zebras and griffons and what-not -- are just here to protect us."

"Yeah, somehow I doubt that," I replied. A small, red vial caught my eye, written in a language I didn't speak. "What's in that tube? The red one with the horse shoes and stuff on it."

"That's the potion I told you about, or a version of it anyway. We call it 'Twitch' because of how someone moves when they're under the effects of it."

"Sounds real pleasant," I deadpanned. "Mind if we take it?"

"I, uh, suppose not? I'm not exactly in any position to argue."

"Smart girl." I motioned to Scarlet, who floated the small vial from its holder and stuffed it into a saddlebag.

"Oh! I hadn't noticed you were a unicorn too! It's just that--"

Scarlet interrupted her. "Yeah, I know: small horn. I get that a lot." I chuckled -- Scarlet's gimped horn has always been a point (or lack of point) of frustration for her. Missing two-thirds of the very thing that makes you unique will do that to you. We give her shit about it, of course. If she couldn't take it, she wouldn't be with us.

"Are we done here, boss? I really don't want to overstay our welcome."

"Just about," I answered with a nod. "So, Aurora...anything else you can tell us?"

"I'm not too terribly familiar with any goings-on outside of this room, I'm afraid. I haven't even left the facility in the last two weeks. They're pretty strict about it. I believe I've told you everything I know..."

She visibly cringed at the realization that she might have just ceased to be useful.

"So...what happens now?"

"Now," I replied, standing up and stretching my wings out, "you get to come with us. I'd say you've been very forthcoming with what you know, but now that you've chatted with us we can't just let you go. It's fortunate that you were cooperative. I always hate having to silence witnesses."

She took a half-step back, suddenly more cautious than she was.

"Relax, we're going to take you to a contact with the Equestrian Guard. They'll probably ask you the same things we did."

"I see. Well, for what it's worth, I'd like to thank you for not, ah...silencing me, as you put it."

"Sure thing." I turned to Scarlet. "Grab every note and piece of paper you can find and stuff 'em into a saddlebag. Might be something of value in there."

"You got it, boss."

"As for you, Aurora, stick to my side and keep your mouth shut. And don't make any sudden mov--" A chiming sound caught my attention, coming from one of the communicators around my neck. "Hey, Card, we're on our way down. Keep a watch out and--"

"Boss! We got a serious fuckin' problem 'ere!" The unmistakable sound of gunfire punctuated his urgency. He started shouting at whoever he was in a firefight with, swearing and yelling the whole time.

"Wild Card! What the fuck's going on?!"

The boom of his shotgun going off was my immediate answer. "Some thing just rolled up from dat ramp we saw!"

Shit. That didn't sound good. "Specifics, Card! Come on!"

"It's a fuckin' thing that shoots bullets at me! Da fuck do ya want, a written lecture?! I'm gonna try to make it to da roof!"

I turned to Aurora. "What the hell is he talking about?"

"I don't know! I had no idea we had something like that here!"

"Great. Come on, we gotta get the hell outta here." No sooner had we packed up all of the intel we could carry than the sound of hoofsteps on the catwalk echoed through the facility. From the sound of things, our sleeping friends had woken up to give us a warm welcome.

"Aurora, you're more familiar with the place than we are, how the hell do we get outta here without getting our asses shot off?" She hesitated, lifting a nervous foreleg. "Aurora! Exit! NOW!"

"R-Right, uhh, it should be to our left on the first floor. There's a service door that way."

"Good. Scarlet, stick with our new friend here. Make sure she stays in line."

"Got it, boss." Scarlet prodded Aurora in the rear with the muzzle of her carbine. "You heard the lady. Stay close."

I pulled out my revolver once more, slowly opening the door to the sprawling interior. Two ponies and a zebra ran down the opposite end of the hall, lugging weapons and gear on their backs. I waited a few seconds to make sure the area was clear, then stepped out onto the catwalk. Nearly all of the lights in the building suddenly went dark; voices shouted to each other in the confusion. Whatever was happening, I wasn't going to question the distraction.

"Stairway's down here, come on."

We ducked into an alcove as an earth pony fumbled around in the dark near us, then ducked into a side room and shut the door behind himself.

"I can't see a bloody thing," Aurora complained.

"Just try to keep a hold of my tail. We're nearly there." Unfortunately, something stood between us and our nearly-there staircase: a unicorn with the bright idea of using the glow from his magic to check out the area. He swept around the walkway, a blue glow guiding him and his nasty-looking double-barreled shotgun. Something brushed by me, and I swung around to face it. Nothing.

I peeked my head around the corner to see if I could figure out the best time to get the jump on the nosey guard. Bad idea. A load of buckshot zipped past my head, smacking into the brick wall behind me.

"Ah see ya there, ya griffon bitch! Come out!"

"Damnit!" I stuck my revolver around the corner and blind fired, squeezing off three rounds. A second blast of pellets was my answer. Several of them found my upper arm and buried themselves deep. I heard the bone break.

"Fuuuuck! Gah!" The shock of the impact made me drop my pistol, which went zooming off into the distance and clattering to the floor as the unicorn guard did the smart thing and removed my weapon from the equation.

What, you were expecting a big hero moment? Sometimes it doesn't work that way, gentle reader.

I braced my shattered arm with my good one, reeling in horror at the mess of blood, meat and feathers it had become. I could barely move it. Carrying my rifle was out of the question, now.

"Boss!" Scarlet levitated her carbine out, emptying shot after shot into the darkness between us and the bastard who had just got the best of me. Her green magic was soon joined by a countering force of blue magic, and the weapon twisted and turned in mid air as they struggled to wrestle control away from each other.

"Hoo hoo! We got a fighter here!" The guard pony was just taunting us now. Scarlet strained with all of her ability to keep the weapon pointed in the right direction.

"What's the matter, girlie? Too strong for ya? Ha ha!"

Sweat dripped down her face. She let out a yell as she lost control of her own weapon. It swiveled right at us, the lever cocking itself. I braced for the shot -- but it never came.

The carbine clattered to the ground, just as the blue glow from around the corner suddenly ceased. I hesitated to take a peek, very slowly checking to see what had happened. The guard was dead, bleeding from a deep puncture wound on the back of his neck. And standing behind him was Kuadi.

"Adi!" I shouted in elation.  "Holy shit, you have some really good timing!" Kuadi slipped a curved dagger back into the sheath on his leg, studying the pony he'd just killed to save us.

"I had hoped for a less lethal approach, but such was not to be the way of things." He bowed his head for a moment, a practice Adi's been doing for as long as I've known him. He says it's to honor the dead. If he keeps saving our asses, he can do it as much as he likes. He cocked his head at me, studying me with those striking red-brown eyes of his that shine even in the darkness.

"You are injured."

"Yeah..." I hobbled along on my two remaining good legs and one good arm, dripping blood as I went. "I'll be alright once we get back to the Red Sky. We have to get out of here and find Card. I don't suppose you've seen him, have you?"

"I am afraid not," he said flatly. "I have been busy disabling the generator. I had just switched off the lights when I heard sounds of distress coming from this area." He trotted alongside me, producing a small pistol from his saddlebag. "Here, until we can recover your own."

I eyed the pistol, and over-under design with only two shots. "This isn't a gun, Adi, this is a peashooter." I laughed despite the pain that was rushing through me with every step.

"Perhaps the griffon would prefer to shout foul language at her enemies."

"Fine, fine, I'll keep the peashooter. Sheesh." We made it to the stairway without further incident. "Thanks, by the way. You saved our asses."

"I was only doing what was required to salvage the mission," he replied. "But you are welcome." We had to step over three more dead bodies, all of them showing only a single, deep puncture wound to the back of the neck.

Adi is nothing if not efficient. I didn't ask what had happened, saving my strength until we could meet up with Card. Even so, Adi asked about our new hostage. Scarlet answered for me.

"Her name's Aurora, she's the lead researcher here. Found her on the second floor."

Aurora managed a half-smile. "Uh, hello there..."

"She has seen our faces," Adi stated very matter-of-fact-ly. "She will be a liability if she is kept alive." Aurora whimpered quietly.

"We're not killing her, Adi. She's coming with us."

"Very well. Spirits be with us."

The sounds of gunfire intensified as we approached the outer door, turning into a full-on cacophony of battle sounds as we pried it open. The door led to a small, covered staircase that wrapped around the building and up to the roof. If Card was still alive -- and by the sound of things, he was -- that's where he'd be.

Oh, don't look at me like that. Wild Card is more than capable of handling himself. Besides, I was injured and we had our pretty little unicorn friend with us. I couldn't exactly run to help.

Kuadi lifted a hoof. "I will look ahead. Stay here." Not like we had much of a choice. The sneaky zebra unholstered a telescope-sighted rifle from his back, then disappeared behind a low wall. Aurora was looking more and more scared the longer we were there.

"It sounds like a whole bloody army out there! What kind of place is this?!"

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "We've been through worse."

"If this is a normal day then I'd hate to see what you consider to be a bad situation."

Adi came back less than a minute later, waving us up. "Come. We are safely in cover for now."

We quickly made our way to the low wall that formed a perimeter around the roof, where a very pissed and very trigger-happy Wild Card was firing a long burst from a shoulder-mounted rotary gun. He shouted profanities as he cranked the handle. I would hate to be what he was shooting at.

"Card! We're coming up behind you!"

"Hurry it up! I'm almost outta ammo 'ere!"

Hundreds of shell casings littered the roof and slid around on the rain-soaked brick. Countless bullets barraged the low wall we were taking cover behind. Aurora shouted and pressed her hooves over her ears as Scarlet wasted no time, settling her carbine on the edge and firing off a few rounds.

"It's about fuckin' time you showed up! Was the sound of goddess-damned gunfire not enough of a clue?!" A bullet smacked into cover just inches from his face, spraying him with shards of brick. "Fuckin' limp-dicked, blind assholes can't hit the broad side of a barn from the inside!"

"Hey," I shouted, "get a hold of yourself!" He looked over to argue, only to reel back at the bloody wound on my arm. "Yeah, that's why we were slow getting up here!" He didn't say anything, instead taking a moment to toss the rotary gun off his shoulder and exchange it for a long rifle. I took a peek above the wall that was saving our lives for the time being.

I breathed in sharply at what I saw. Nearly half a dozen of the employees from the building were sprawled out on the ground, lying still from various wounds, weapons still clutched between their hooves or strapped to their backs. Behind them, unleashing a relentless barrage of gunfire, was something I'd never seen before.

"I see ya met ya my new friend!" Card shouted. "Tough son of a bitch, he is!"

The...whatever it was...was maybe seventy-five yards out. It was big, and metallic, sitting on four massive, iron wagon wheels, driven by massive clouds of steam, like those carriages that I'd seen once in Canterlot, but bigger. Way bigger. Scarlet fired shot after shot into the side of the beast, but her bullets bounced harmlessly off its hull. Two rotary guns answered her gunfire, causing everyone to duck down as part of the wall was chewed apart.

"What the fuck is that thing?!" I shouted above the noise.

"I don't know! Whatever it is, I can't make a damn dent in it! Got some kinda steel armor! Don't  s'pose ya have a box of dynamite handy?"

"Not exactly." The massive, armored...thing...spun in place, turning to face its longer end at us. The fire from the guns stopped. My eyes widened as I realized what was happening.

"MOVE!"

We scrambled away from the wall just as a cannon ball smashed through it. It clanged off the shattered wall and flew into the air, exploding violently a half-second later.

"Hey boss, I think dat thing's got some heavy firepower!"

"No shit!" Another burst of gunfire blew past our heads as we hugged the roof. It stopped again, and was followed by another shell smacking into the brick wall beneath us, exploding with enough force to shake the whole building.

"We have to get rid of that thing somehow, or it's gonna tear this building to pieces with us on it!"

Wild Card looked around for something -- anything -- he could use to fire back. He made a quick dash across the roof, toward the disassembled battle saddle he'd dragged up here.

"What about dis thing? Those gun barrels are pretty big!" Another explosion shook the building. "I think I know how it works, but ya gotta help me strap it on!" Scarlet wasted no time, levitating pieces of the weapon that snapped into place. I used my free claw to yank on the leather straps that fastened the battle saddle to Wild Card's body. It was tedious, painstaking work, made worse by the chunks of rooftop that were steadily being blown away around us. I had to turn my head away as an explosion not even two yards away blasted shards and chunks of brick past us. Some of them found their way to me, cutting away feathers and tearing into my skin. I grunted away the pain between my half-open beak, focusing on the one thing we were hoping would be enough to stop the metal monstrosity that was doing its best to turn us into red mist.

"Come on, come on! Dis building ain't gonna hold up much longer!"

"Almost got it...almooost....there!" The final piece of the weapon clicked into place. A three round stripper clip of ammunition was jammed into the breach of each gun. They were huge -- as long as my forearm. I yanked out the metal guides and locked the breach shut.

"Alright, you're loaded! I think. What now?!"

Card reached back with his left hind leg and kicked a metal clasp. It swung up and locked itself into place. The whole contraption became a flurry of moving parts as the gun's huge barrels extended out, at least a good foot or two past Card's not-inconsiderate braincase.

"Now...I try not to get my ass shot off!" He trundled to one of the last remaining pieces of cover, weighed down by the massive weapon on his back. "On tree, I want you assholes to give me some coverin' fire, a'right?! I gotta aim dis sucker for a few seconds!"

I pulled out my tiny pistol before realizing it was ridiculous to even do so. Adi and Scarlet would have to be the bait. At least my crew is well-trained -- they were up and running for cover away from Card before I could say anything. Sometimes I'm proud of those scumbags.

"Alright, ya ready?! One...two...tr--" An exploding cannon shell had found something important in the building. The entire right side of the building started to lean heavily, causing the roof to crack and break as it was sheared in two under the stress. Card scrambled to keep his footing, his hooves digging into the rain-slicked roof. The long barrels of of the battle saddle scraped and sparked as they were dragged along with him.

"Shit shit shit shit!"

Fuck the arm. I wasn't about to let Card fall to his death.

With a burst of energy I flapped out to the opposite end of the building, skidding to a halt and sticking out my unbroken arm. "Card!" He flailed his forelegs and tried to grasp my claw, but it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to hold on.

"Boss, help me out 'ere! I...can't..."

No time to think about it. I jumped down to the ground, landing with a grunt and ignoring the fresh wave of pain it sent through me. "Hold on, Card! I'm about to do something really stupid!"

"What?!"

With every last ounce of strength in my body I spread my wings out and started to flap as hard as I could, working up a good rhythm. Then, in one last, great effort, I flung myself up at him. I ducked my head and braced.

Card went flying. The force of the impact sent him up a good two or three feet into the air. He landed. Hard. But alive. I, however, didn't fare so well. In my haste I'd managed to smash the back of my head into the edge of his battle saddle, nearly knocking myself out in the process. I flew up, limp, high into the air, carried by my own momentum. In my dazed stupor I heard rotary gun rounds flitting past my head. A pair of hammer blows connected with my left wing and torso, throwing me into a spin. I landed in a pile on the broken remains of the roof, unmoving.

"Boss!" I heard Scarlet's voice distantly, but couldn't find it in myself to move. "Oh Goddesses, you're hit!" She threw her saddlebag off and dumped the contents on the ground, all sorts of bandages and creams and medical supplies. "Adi, get over here and help me!"

Wild Card yelled over to us. "If we don't take this thing out, we're all dead!" Wild Card. He was alive. I cracked a weak smile, dragging my head up to look at him. "That was pretty fuckin' ballsy, boss," he shouted. Scarlet was just starting to wrap a bandage around my wing and torso.

"Help...help Card..."

She objected, as I knew she would. "I have to get you healed up!"

"Help him...that's a fuckin'...order."

She stared at me for a second, but complied. Just as I knew she would. "Hurry it up, Card! The boss is gonna bleed out here!"

"Alright, get ready! One...two...tree!" Scarlet and Adi stood up and emptied their entire magazines into the metal vehicle. It starteed firing at them, swiveling around to bring its cannon to bear. At the same time, Wild Card nudged a switch with his right foreleg. An aiming device extended into his view, a large circle with a crosshair through the middle. He eyed it for just a few seconds before biting down on a firing bit that extended from his bridle frame.

"Fire in da hole!"

The sound was defeaning. Two great gouts of flame and smoke poured from the barrels of the weapon, the recoil kicking up so hard that Wild Card was knocked on his ass, sliding back against the opposite wall.

"Holy fuckin' hells!" he shouted, shaking his head. He laughed out loud. "Now dat is a weapon!" I dragged myself over to where part of the low wall had been chewed away, catching a glimpse of the armored vehicle. It was belching massive clouds of steam from a pair of giant holes torn in its side. Off to my left, Scarlet shouted for joy.

"Nice shot, Card! Woo!"

"Weren't nothin'," he yelled back. "Did you see dis sucker fire?! Felt like an earthquake!"

A loud clanking noise started to come from the ground below. I watched in morbid fascination as the upper half slowly swiveled toward us. The war machine wasn't done with us yet.

"Card...Card it's not...not..." I tried to continue, but blacked out. For how long, I'm not sure. Seconds, maybe. When I struggled back to consciousness there was a barrage of gunfire peppering the roof. Wild Card had returned to his previous position, taking quick action. Another explosion eminated from the barrels of his weapon, and the gunfire stopped.

"I ain't takin' no fuckin' chances dis time!" He kicked the weapon to drop the smoking shell casings from the bottom, and chambered the last pair of shots. With nothing shooting back at him he had a clear shot. He took careful aim, braced himself, and bit down on the trigger.

The war machine shuddered from the impact. A hatch blew out from its side, gushing flames and smoke high into the air. Hundreds of small pops sounded as the ammunition cooked off. A trio of ponies and a single griffon tried to escape from a hatch on the opposite side, their manes and plumes singed and burning.

Adi was having none of it. With lethal precision he put each of them down with a single shot as they tried to escape. The great contraption buckled and heaved under the heat and stress of exploding ammunition, and then, with a thundering explosion, the remaining explosive cannon shells cooked off. The entire machine was torn in half, belching flames hundreds of feet up as the inferno found an exit.

"Yeah! Burn, you son of a bitch! Burn! Ah ha ha!"

Holy hell. They did it. They took it out.

I laughed quietly as the monstrosity that had caused us so much trouble burned itself out.

"Boss! Come on, stay with us!"

I couldn't find it in myself to care what anyone thought. Everything seemed so warm, so comfortable. Even my shattered arm and punctured body seemed to fade away.

"Adi, get ahold of Cliff! We need him here now!"

Cliff. He's a nice guy. So nice.

"Hold on, boss, hold on! Card, help me with the bandages!"

So nice...

2 - I've Had Worse

I woke to the sound of hoofsteps and casual chatter. Light streamed in through a window to my right, silky sheets blowing softly in a gentle breeze. Wherever I was, at least it was comfortable.

I don't like comfortable. Comfortable means I'm somewhere I'd prefer not to be. In this case, I was in some sort of hospital room. A pony in a nurse's cap walked by the bed, busily studying something on a levitating clipboard. I tried to call out to her, but my mouth felt like it had just gone ten rounds with a wad of cotton wrapped in sandpaper. What I meant to say was "Hey, nurse," but what actually came out was "cough cough hack wheeze". Far less intelligent. At least it seemed to grab her attention.

"Oh, you're awake!" she said cheerfully. "How are you feeling, Miss Glendra? Are you alright?"

"I feel like I spent a week in a concrete mixer," I grumbled, "but I'm not in any real pain, if that's what you mean."

"Well at least you're feeling talkative. And we have on quite a potent painkiller, so that should help a bit."

"Can I get out of here yet? I can deal with aches and pains, you know."

She hesitated. "Ah...I don't believe that would be wise, Miss Glendra."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm not sure you're aware of the extent of your injuries..."

"How bad could it be?" Hell, I felt fine. Mostly. Sort of.

"I...I think the doctor would be better to advise you of the situa--"

"Just tell me, alright?"

She sighed. "Miss Glendra, when you were brought in you were in serious condition. Had it not been for Miss...Scarlet Melody, is it?" I nodded. "Yes, had it not been for her, you would have likely died before you could be treated by proper medical staff. She wanted me to let you know that your ship's sick bay was sufficient to sustain you for some time, but it was only a stopgap."

So, Scarlet really did save my ass. Honestly, I was a little amazed she'd managed to pull it off; Scarlet is only a medic when we need her to be. The nurse took a deep breath before continuing.

"You were suffering from...let's see here...three broken ribs on your left side, a partially deflated lung, multiple gunshot wounds to the left arm and left side of your torso, including the leading edge of your left wing, severe blood loss, and a moderate concussion due to blunt-force trauma. Honestly, you're lucky to be alive. We've been able to heal your wounds and mend your bones to the best our ability, but you're not fully healed just yet."

Damn. That's a pretty big laundry list of injuries. Either the pony doctors had healed me better than I'd ever seen, or I was on one hell of a painkiller.  Maybe both. I attempted to spread out my wings, but found them bandaged and taped to my side.

"Well shit, that's not so bad!" I said cheerfully. "I should really start collecting the bullets they pull outta me. I could make a killing reselling the lead."

"Well, that's, uh, very optimistic of you!"

"I try. So, can I go now?"

She pursed her lips for a moment. I'd seen that look countless times -- bad news was on the way. Great.

"Miss Glendra, I'm actually quite surprised you haven't noticed yet. One of your injuries was...severe. Very severe. We had to take action to save your life..."

Severe injury? Well, my wing felt okay, all things considered, and my side felt like someone was attempting to crush it with an anvil, which just left...

"Huh?" I looked over to my right, wondering what had become of the shattered arm I'd somehow completely forgotten about. Or at least, I looked over to where my shattered arm should have been.

It was gone. Everything below the elbow, just...gone. I gasped in horror, my mind reeling as I tried to will the missing limb back into place.

"My...they took my..." I wiggled my upper arm, feeling like it wasn't real. My arm couldn't be gone! The realization hit me like a sack of bricks. I started hyperventilating, my vision tunneling. "No no no no no!" I began thrashing around on the bed, overcome with shock and grief for my missing limb. "Fuuuuuck!" I shouted at the poor nurse, as if she could do anything. "You fix this! You fix this right now!"

She said nothing, simply looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

"I swear by the whores you call goddesses I'll kill everyone here! Get me out of this fucking bed!"

Magical energy began to build around her horn, casting a pink glow on the bed. "I'm sorry, Miss Glendra." I continued to thrash uselessly against the bed, realizing that my legs had been strapped down. A ball of light floated from the nurse, settling over my chest and dissipating into a cloud of sparkling smoke.

"Get me out of this bed right now! Get me...I...I'm gonna..."

Suddenly, I no longer cared about my missing arm. I didn't care about my gunshot wounds or my bandaged wing or even the nurse. Everything was so serene. So calm. I was just...so very tired. I laid my head back against the pillow, feeling it turn into the fluffiest cloud imaginable. I let myself be overtaken by the warmth and the comfort of a cool afternoon. It was the perfect time for a nap.

The perfect time.

==========

"--her under with an anesthesia spell. Didn't take the news very well, it would seem."

I blinked myself awake, trying to block the sunlight with my outstretched arm -- which wasn't there. Oh, right. It'd been amputated. Wonderful.

"Wow. Poor boss. Da hell's she gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna kick your asses for talking about me when I'm sleeping," I mumbled, pushing myself up on my remaining arm.

"Hey, she's up! About time, boss. We was gettin' worried about ya." Wild Card slapped me on the back with a hoof. A delightful little surge of pain shot through me. My expression said enough. "Heh, uh, sorry about dat. Just excited to see ya up and about. Sort of."

Besides Card, Scarlet was in the room with us. For some strange reason I couldn't fathom, she had a nurse's cap on. "Welcome back to the land of the living. How are you feeling?"

"Well, my fuckin' arm is missing, but besides that, just peachy, Scarlet. Real peachy." I sat up in the hospital bed and propped myself up with a few pillows. I waved my bandaged stump in disbelief. "Can you believe this shit? They amputated my arm!" I wanted to punch the wall, but my right arm was my punchin' arm. Go figure. "I'm a cripple! What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't even carry a damn gun!"

Scarlet sat down beside me. "Don't worry, boss, I'm sure we'll get this sorted out. You wouldn't be here if you weren't resourceful. Uh, 'here' as in 'alive', that is."

"Yeah..." I reached to the small table next to my bed, grabbing a glass of water. It was only room temperature by now, but I didn't care -- I downed that sucker in a no time. 'Thirsty' would be an understatement. It flowed down my throat and cleared my dry mouth. I felt like a griffon again.

Well, most of a griffon.

"How long have we been here?"

"In the hospital? Three days." Shit, that long? It didn't feel like three days. "Took us two days to get back to Equestrian waters. We had to have Cliff load you up in a sky carriage and haul you down here. 'Here' being Canterlot." She pointed a hoof at the collection of roughage on a tray next to my empty glass. "You gonna eat that celery stick?"

"Wasn't planning on it," I shrugged. "Don't suppose Canterlot can provide me with a steak..."

"Ugh, carnivores," she scoffed, taking a big crunch of celery. "You know," she said between chews, "you should really give some of this stuff a try. You might like it."

"I'll pass, thanks." I motioned to the pink cap on her head, adorned with a big, red cross surrounded by hearts in the middle. What is it with ponies and hearts, anyway? I realized I hadn't even asked about the rest of the crew yet. "Where's everyone at? Kinda surprised it's just you two."

Wild Card answered. "Cliff's shoppin' around town, said somethin' about not havin' enough primers or brass or somethin' like dat. Adi just kinda wandered off when we tied up at da dock, but, eh, you know him, he'll be back when we need him."

"Sounds like him, alright."

"Mmhmm. Oh, and Rochard said to tell ya 'hi' when ya wake up. He's hittin' up da market for a big welcome-back feast or such such."

Scarlet was busily writing something down in a small notebook, levitating a pen as her tongue poked out of her mouth in concentration. I waved my hand to get her attention.

"So, Scarlet, where the hell did you get that nurse's hat from, anyway? Somehow I doubt you joined up with the hospital while I was out cold."

"Me?" she asked skeptically, then waved a hoof. "Please. Like I'd consider staying in Canterlot that long." She took another bite of celery, then casually added, "I fucked the nurse for it."

Wild Card arched an eyebrow at her. His reaction matched my own. "Uh, ya did what now?" he asked.

"You heard me. I fucked the nurse."

Well, good to see Scarlet hadn't lost a step, I guess. "I swear to the Emperor, Scarlet, you've slept with half of Equestria by now."

"Hey, we all have urges, boss. Some of us are just better at exploiting those urges."

I can't judge too harshly. After all, we all have our vices. It just so happens Scarlet's is having a pair of legs vice-gripped around her head. I'd call her a nymphomaniac, but she's away from shore too much to take full advantage of it. On a related note, don't ever walk in when Scarlet's door is closed. I've seen things, dear readers. Things that cannot be repeated in (not so) polite company.

"Grinding of body parts aside, I wanted to, you know...thank you. For saving my life and such. The nurse--"

"Candy Care," she corrected.

"--right, Candy Care, said you managed to keep me stable while we steamed back to friendly waters. So, yeah...thanks."

"Any time," she answered with a smile. "Oh by the way, I'll be expecting a larger cut of the profits this time. Just sayin'."

Okay, make that two vices. But hey, at least it's one we all share!

"Of course. Should have expected as much."

Wild Card paced back and forth at the foot of the bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling in the closest thing he has to a thoughtful expression.

"Not to interrupt da love fest, ladies," he said in his gravelly, Bucklyn-heavy accent, "but what da fuck do we do now? I mean, let's be honest 'ere, boss: ya ain't in da best of shape."

I lifted my middle claw, letting Wild Card he was number one in my book.

"Heh heh, still got da attitude, though. But seriously, how ya supposed to fight wit' one arm?"

I shrugged. "Hell if I know. I just wanna get out of this damn bed. One thing at a time, right?"

There was a knock on the door. The same nurse that had put me under poked her head inside. "Sorry to--" when she spotted Scarlet she tried to hide a blush. It didn't work. "--ahem, uh, sorry to interrupt, but you have another visitor, Miss Glendra."

"If it's a brooding zebra or a pegasus with a bad attitude, tell 'em they can wait."

"Actually, it's somepony you may be very interested in seeing. She says you were doing something very important for her."

Only one pony that could be. "Oh. Well, yeah, send her in."

Sure enough, in strode the very mare who had sent me out on that fateful mission -- Princess Twilight herself. Card and Scarlet immediately dropped to their knees and bowed their heads. Heh, ponies. They sure do love their living deities. I couldn't exactly bow before Her Majesty or anything, so I just nodded my head at her. Close enough.

"Heya, Princess," I said with a smile. Scarlet glanced over in a look just short of panic at my informality. Eh, she'll get over it.

"Hello, Glendra," Twilight replied with a curt bow. "I'm glad to see you're still with us."

"Heh, yeah, barely." She made her way over to my bedside, greeting Card and Scarlet as she did. It's funny, you don't realize how tall she is until you see her next to other ponies. Hell, she's even slightly taller than I am, and griffons tend to be bigger than ponies anyhow. She's no Celestia, but she's gettin' there.

As a side note, that big crown thingy she wears must be worth a fortune. If only I could hock that sucker and live the rest of my life surrounded by servants who could peel grapes for me or something. Who peels grapes, anyway?

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"All things considered, I'm alright. Except for, you know..." I waved my bandaged stump at her. She frowned at the sight of it.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. If I had known it would be that dangerous..." she trailed off.

I shrugged. "If you knew how dangerous it was, you wouldn't have needed us in the first place."

"I suppose you're right. But still, I feel just terrible for what happened. And so many lives were lost." She sounded truly saddened by the outcome, but what was I supposed to do? Let everyone keep shooting at us? I have to defend myself and my crew.

"Sometimes these things happen," I tried to reassure her. "Don't beat yourself up over it, Princess. How were we supposed to know they'd be armed to the teeth? And that...that war machine they had! Honestly, who could have expected that?"

"I know. I still wish we could have avoided any bloodshed." She motioned to the edge of the bed. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

"By all means," I answered. "Card, Scarlet, why don't you to go grab some lunch? Put it on my tab. I'd say you've at least earned that."

Scarlet was up before I could finish the sentence. "Lunch is fine, boss, but don't think for a second that covers my bonus for saving your ass." She poked Card with a hoof. "Come on, Card. Boss is buyin'."

They trotted out and shut the door behind them. Twilight laughed quietly. "That's quite the interesting group you've got."

"You don't know the half of it," I chuckled. "So what's up, Princess? I appreciate a friendly chat but somehow I don't think you came all the way here just to say you're sorry. I would have accepted a letter, or a pat on the back, or an all-expenses-paid trip to a resort. You know, the small things in life."

"I'm glad to see you're in a good mood, Glendra. All things considered. But yes, I did want to speak with you about a few things, if you don't mind."

"Fire away."

"First of all, I read the reports filed by your crew. I had no idea the Fifth Pillar had such weapons! And to amass them so quickly is astonishing. Nevermind that steam-powered monstrosity your friend -- Scarlet Melody, is it? -- said you ran into." Firearms tech is still relatively new to Equestrians, though we griffons have had them in one form or another for a few generations. That means that pony-specific weapons and ammunition are pretty expensive, and in limited supply. I will admit, though, that firearms technology has taken a massive leap since those smart-ass unicorns got their hooves on it.

"I spoke with Princess Celestia about it, but for her entire reign the weapon of choice was still a sword and shield. I don't think she knows much about this new stuff."

"Good thing they have you, then," I added. "You lookin' for ideas here?" She nodded. "Well, let's see...if 5-P managed to scrounge up so many weapons, and so quickly, then it stands to reason that they're very well-funded. Some of the kit they were using goes for a high amount of coins, especially that battle saddle, I'd wager. And for a facility that small to have such heavy defenses..."

"They had to have been supplied for a long time," she finished for me. She rubbed her forehead with a hoof. "Fifth Pillar's spokesmare has already come out and condemned 'the group of murderers and thieves', as she put it, who were behind the attack. She's sworn to bring them to justice for attacking a 'peaceful research facility'."

Peaceful. Ha! "You mean she's after us."

"Yes. Though if it makes you feel better, I don't believe she knows who, specifically, was responsible."

"Look on the bright side: she can rant and rave all she wants, but at the end of the day Equestria gets to keep its proverbial hooves clean, and I've made yet another enemy! I'd give you a count of how many that makes, but I stopped keeping track after we raided a cargo ship and, uh, borrowed sixteen tons of luxury materials that totally weren't being used to fund a black market in Zevran. Think I stepped on a few toes -- er, hooves -- that day, heh." She didn't seem convinced.

"Look, Princess, I know you hate when any lives are lost, but come on -- these were not good folks. And plausible deniability is why we exist in the first place! Someone's gotta do it. May as well be us."

"I suppose you're right," she sighed, "but still..." She bit her lip and was silent for a moment before continuing. "I also wanted to discuss what you found at that facility, besides the weapons I mean."

I shrugged. "We found a lot of stuff. I would have looked through the intel myself, but, you know...unconscious and all." I hadn't even had time to chat with my guys and gals about any of it. Whatever the princess wanted to discuss, I'd be sure to cross-check with the crew later on. Just in case. "Was there anything of particular note?"

"Just a few," she answered. "It was mostly harmless; payroll, work schedules, that sort of thing. But we did find a few documents talking about that 'Twitch' potion you found. Nasty stuff. Aurora was able to confirm it."

"She's been helpful, I take it?"

"Very much so. She still believes that Fifth Pillar can accomplish more good than harm if they put their minds to it, but she's under no illusion that they're bastions of pacifism."

Well hell, good thing we didn't choose to 'silence' her after all!

"So that was 5-P's big plan with that place? Making this Twitch potion?"

"It's possible. It's curious, though, that you didn't find any large brewing or storage facilities on-site. You would think that if you were mixing chemicals and extracts that there would be some sort of place to keep it all contained and organized. I mean, that's basic chemistry! I would have never kept such volatile compounds within easy reach of each other, much less--uh, sorry, you get the point," she laughed. "Anyway, there's no way the facility you went into was the main processing plant. We've since had the royal guard give it a thorough search -- we thought there may have been a hidden sublevel or something similar, but what you see is what you get in this case."

So 5-P had a bigger facility somewhere out there, presumably pumping out Twitch in large amounts. Okay, yeah, that's disconcerting, but it didn't seem like that big of a deal to me. From my point of view, 5-P's military assets were surprisingly stronger than expected -- just look at the armored vehicle we fought -- but were they strong enough to take on an actual, well-equipped military? I doubted it. For all intents and purposes, they were mercenaries with a hand in the usual revolutionary bullshit that a thousand groups before them had spouted.

Somehow, I doubted a fancy new potion would change anything. A guy on painkillers and stimulants is dangerous, sure, but he still drops dead if you put enough holes in him. Besides, folks don't give enough credit to most nations' armies. Equestria, for example, is a decent-sized country that's heavy on the friendship and tolerance and what-not, but their standing defense force -- the Royal Guard -- is well-trained, well-equipped, and well-disciplined. What they lack in numbers they make up for in ability. You ever see a guard slice his way through six assailants without a scratch? I have. Trust me, you wouldn't want to fuck with them.

Anyway, long story short, this Twitch stuff was interesting, but not a real game-changer. No doubt the Equestrians would be doing an analysis of it, as would Scarlet -- after all, she grabbed that vial before we left and, knowing her, she would have kept at least some of it to see what she could do to figure out how it worked.

Hopefully that didn't include taking any, because Scarlet's mood is prone to violent swings at the best of times. Anything that makes her both more aggressive and more aware would probably end in blood and/or various bodily fluids ending up all over the Sky. And that would just be inconvenient for everyone.

"So, Your Highness, besides the kill-happy potion, did we recover any other actionable intel?"

"Well, there was that steam-powered machine you fought. It's apparently called a 'land cruiser'. How in the world they managed to build one, much less move it out to a facility in the middle of nowhere like that, I have no idea. The guards say the machine shop was too small to create it on-site."

I rubbed my chin with my free -- and only -- claw hand. "Hmmm...must have a pretty strong logistics network to move something like that without being noticed. Maybe they used magic?"

She shook her head. "That was the first thing we considered, but teleporting something with that much mass would require an enormous amount of concentration and magical ability, even for someone like me. We would have questioned some of the unicorns, but, well..."

"Yeah, I know: dead as a doornail. I get it. Like I said, it happens."

"I know," she frowned. "There was one other thing..."

"Hmm?"

"We found several references to something called 'keystone'. Sound familiar?"

"I can't say it does, no. What is it, another potion?"

"Honestly? We have no idea," she admitted. "There were only four references in all of the paperwork we looked through, and none of it revealed anything beyond the name. The best lead we had to go on was a sentence that said '4E71 Keystone Main' and then the word 'Scrawc'aan'."

"Straw-what?"

"Scrawc'aan," she repeated. "It's ancient Griffon tongue for 'father'."

Huh. Learn something new every day. "You know ancient Griffon language?"

"Sort of," she answered with a laugh. "I can only fluently speak six other languages besides Equestrian, and that particular one isn't one of them. Still, you pick up a few things after reading, oh...seventeen thousand books?"

Holy shit! I'd use the term 'book worm' but I don't think that would even begin to describe it. Though I guess when you're an immortal princess who's had nothing but time for the last seventy years of yours crowned existence, you have to keep entertained somehow. Personally, I'd go for the whole "orgies and blood sports" thing, but society tends to look down such things these days.

Pfft. Killjoys.

"So...5E71 Keystone Main, and then some cryptic mentioning of someone's father. Not exactly a lot to go on."

Quick lesson for those of you who aren't familiar with the Equestrian calendar -- oh, don't look at me like that. I'm about to educate your asses. Hell, this book has it all: Action, adventure, intrigue, and now a healthy dose of history! And you only paid, like, 20 bits or your regional equivalent for it? Shit, that's a deal if ever there was one. I should charge double!

Okay, look, the shootin' and snoopin' will come soon enough. Sometimes you gotta buckle down and learn a thing or two. Trust me, you'll be glad for this information later.

Anyway, Equestrian history is broken down into "Eras", with a new era generally signified by a major societal change. Each era has a number of years. The First Era was Equestria's founding, after the three pony civilizations came together and started fuckin' because they were bored.

The Second Era began when the Princesses the ponies all know and love -- Celestia and Luna -- came to power during a time of serious upheaval. Lots of chaos gods, evil rulers, that sort of thing. Fun times.

Then came the Third Era, when Luna was banished for turning into a spiteful bitch. Fourth Era followed a thousand years later, when she was rainbow'd back into sanity by the Elements of Harmony, which our beloved Princess chatting with me was a part of. Apparently she was good at what she did, because the Fifth Era started not long after, when she was crowned as an official heir to the throne by Celestia and her sister. They co-rule as a trio for now, but eventually Twilight will be the only princess in the land.  It's been seventy-one years since she was crowned, hence the date: 5E71.

There's rumors that she'll be joined by the Crystal Empire girl, Princess Can-Can or whatever, but I don't really follow too closely. Pony royalty is all kinds of confusing, what with a thousand million princesses, yet no kings or queens. Personally I'd rather just stick with one Emperor, but then, griffons have always been a practical sort. Not to toot my own horn.

Okay, maybe a little.

There, now you've learned something. Don't say I never gave you anything. Those of you with ADD can carry on now.

"We'll keep looking into it. In the mean time, I'm sure you'd like to get back to your ship and see your crew, so I won't take any more of your time."

"Aw come on, Princess. It's not like I have many others to have an intelligent conversation with. Hell, the word 'intelligent' doesn't fit half my crew sometimes..."

She giggled. Gracefully, of course. "I'm sure they're not that bad." She began to move, but stopped mid-way. "Ahh...Glendra, would you mind if I ask you something?"

My curiosity was piqued -- Twilight isn't as stoic as Celestia, but she's generally in control of her appearance. Right now, she looked genuinely nervous. "Uh, sure. What's up?"

"There was one other thing we found: a location. Specifically, a Fifth Pillar outpost. After your encounter with them I'm genuinely concerned for the well-being of not just Equestria, but our allies as well. The problem is, I can't convince anyone else to see things the way you and I see them."

"What, a war machine, heavily-armed guards, and a psycho potion isn't enough? I'd think that would be pretty convincing."

She frowned. "Fifth Pillar's public relations has already trotted out the usual 'extremists who don't represent our views' line. Everyone's buying it, because the group just dumped half a million bits into public housing."

Ah, bribery. The old stand-by. If someone questions your motives, just flail your arms and scream "CHARITY!" from the tallest roof-top you can find. You can be skeptical if you want, but it works.

"There's also the line that they were acting in self defense. You've become a convenient scapegoat for this." Out-fucking-standing, just what I need: 5-P assholes painting a target on my head and making moi out to be the bad guy. Man, this day is just full of good news.

"I won't sugar-coat it, Glendra: I want you to help us out again. Just once more. If you can find something concrete, something irrefutable at that outpost, I can show the other leaders just how much of a charade the Fifth Pillar really is." She placed a hoof on my leg. "I don't want anyone else to die. I don't know how deep their ties go, or what, if anything, they have in mind, but I want it to stop before it can spiral out of control. You understand, don't you?"

Of course I did. I mean, shit, I've wanted to see those 5-P assholes go under for a long time now. But really, what was I supposed to do in my current condition? I waved my stumpy arm in her direction.

"Not to be a killjoy, Princess, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm a cripple now. How am I supposed to lead a team if I can't even hold a rifle? I lead from the front, and I can not and will not sit back on the ship while my guys and girls get shot at."

"I know," she said quietly, "and I realize I'm asking a lot of you, but you'd be doing a lot of good. Honestly. I'm not asking you to give me an answer right this moment; by all means, think it through. But promise me you'll consider it, okay?" She added with a light smile, "you will, of course, be generously rewarded for your service to Equestria."

"Now you're speakin' my language, Your Highness." I pushed myself up with a grunt, resting on my elbow. "Alright. I'll consider it. But no promises."

"Thank you. That's all I can ask." She stood up from the bed, stretching her wings out for a moment before tucking them back in. "The doctors say you'll be discharged tomorrow, if you're feeling alright. For the time being your crew is situated in Canterlot, and I've arranged for a personal pegasus taxi to take them to and from your ship as need be. Those that can't fly, anyway."

"At least the wings still work," I replied, motioning back. "At least, they should."

"Glad to hear it. I, uh, should really get going -- I have a line of diplomats and representatives to speak with, and they don't like to be kept waiting." She gave me a warm smile as she turned to leave. "Take care of yourself, Glendra.  Hopefully we'll see each other again soon."

"Thanks, Princess. I'll let you know what I decide. You take care, too."

"I look forward to hearing from you." As she was about to close the door behind her she called back. "Oh by the way, there's something waiting for you at your ship, in your personal quarters. I think you might appreciate it. Consider it compliments of Equestria's finest minds."

3 - Home Again

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4 - Unexpected Company

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5 - Setting Sail

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6 - The Mold Forest

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7 - There Was A Firefight!

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