Fallout Equestria: Omega

Fallout: Equestria – Omega
Author: Cooperdawg

Entry Four: November 28th, 1047

Living in the army camp was a definite improvement over trying to survive on our own out in the Equestrian countryside. On our own, we had been relying on the few scraps of collective survival knowledge in our group, but these military ponies were trained to survive, and they had a method to make sure they had everything they needed, or at least know where to find more of the things we needed, like medicine. But that didn’t mean that life was suddenly easy.

Radiation was still a problem, and while the rads were always in abundance, supplies weren’t. Everything was being rationed very carefully to make the stores last as long as possible, and Swift Foot ran the camp very strictly. If anypony broke any of the rules, they would be punished in the form of having some of their rations, such as food, medicine, or even water taken away. They wouldn’t allow anyone to die as a result of these punishments, but the threat of going hungry or thirsty, even for a night, was enough to make sure everypony behaved.

Even then, many ponies simply didn’t have the will to survive. Living out here was hard work, all the more so now that winter was settling in. It seemed like half of the work details we were assigned to were shoveling details in order to get rid of the quickly accumulating ‘snow’. Since our arrival, and my witnessing of the mass grave, another few dozen ponies had died in the last month, two of them ponies from my group. One of them had been an accountant for one of Manehattan’s smaller banks. I remembered him mentioning that he was hoping to find a cousin of his that lived in Ponyville, Filthy Rich. The other was a hairdresser from a salon. She had been a young, pink unicorn mare with what had once been a flowing blue mane, and she had held on strongly, but I had seen the reality of our new life eating away at her, until she was nothing more than an empty shell, at which point she has simply given up. Their bodies has been disposed of in the same way: simply tossed into a mass grave, with no ceremony or time for mourning.

I shook my head, chasing away thoughts of the dead and bringing myself back to the present. I wasn’t going to help anypony if I kept on worrying about the ponies that weren’t with us anymore. When we found somewhere truly safe, where I knew we could survive, I would finally have time to mourn

The sun was just rising, or so I told myself as I peered up at the endless cloud cover outside my tent. I could still barely believe that the Pegasi had completely cut themselves off from the rest of us. It didn’t sound anything like them.

“Morning, Cirrus!” A jovial voice announced from off to my side, so sudden I jumped.

“Oh, hey, Charcoal,” I answered quickly, coughing to cover up my embarrassment at having been caught so off guard, “Where are May Blossom and the others?” It was rare to see the Corporal without at least one of his squadmates, and while the Sergeant was nice enough, I couldn’t stand Wrench. He and I hadn’t been able to settle our differences after the scrap we’d gotten into our first day here.

“In the mess tent. I was already done eating, so I thought I’d swing by here to see how you all were doing before I meet up with them for our patrol,” he answered with a grin.

Living so closely with others for so long, not to mention my close friendship with Just Heart, who was good at this kind of thing, had instilled in me at least a partial ability to read others, and I could tell that Charcoal had more of a reason to come talk to me other than to see how I was doing.

“Well, we’re surviving, for now. Not much else we can do. So what do you really want, Charcoal? We’re an awful long way from the mess tent for a casual visit.”

The black stallion looked away from me briefly, his eyes searching for something off in the distance as he shuffled his feet. “I was that obvious, huh? Jeez, and I figured you for the type that believed everypony.”

“I’ve picked up a few tricks,” I answered with a shrug, “What’s going on, Charcoal? You wouldn’t come over here alone if it wasn’t important.”

Again, he hesitated. “I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, Cirrus, but I’d rather this come from me rather than from the Sarge, or, Celestia forbid, Wrench. Somehow the Captain learned that you killed a pony out there. I don’t know who told him, or why, but he knows, and he isn’t happy. Word is he’s going to have you taken down to the Command tent later today to, eh, discuss it. I’m going to tell you now, we’ve had a few others come by the camp before you made it that the Captain chased off. Turns out they had killed another group of survivors over some food or water or something. The Captain has been adamant that we aren’t supposed to allow anything like that.”

“But I didn’t want to kill him!” I exclaimed, only barely able to keep my voice at a normal speaking level. The simple fact that somepony besides Just Heart, Sunrise, or myself knew what had happened was surprising, but that that pony had told Swift Foot about it was simply unbelievable. “It was self-defense. I swear it, Charcoal! The only reason I had my gun out at all was because we didn’t know what to expect. The pony came out of the office and tried to kill us! I just reacted!”

“Cirrus, calm down! I believe you! Just explain it to the Captain, and I’m sure he will as well!” Charcoal insisted, reaching out with a hoof in an attempt to calm me.

Ever so slowly, I got myself back under control, but I was still worried. I had no clue what we would do if the Captain wanted me to leave. I couldn’t do that to Sunrise. Since we had arrived, she had finally started to get some of her color back, and she was more like the mare I remembered marrying again. Leaving so suddenly would destroy her.

“I’m sorry, Charcoal. I just… wasn’t expecting this. Thanks for giving me a heads up. I need to go get some things in order, and you should probably go find your squad. Good luck out there,” I said, my shock and fear being replaced with a surprising emptiness. It was barely dawn, and I was already exhausted. This was not going to be a good day.

I stepped back inside my tent that I shared with Sunrise and a few others. Most of them were already awake, if not up and moving around, preparing for the day ahead. There was a lot to be done, from cleaning sheets to going on supply runs with some of the soldiers that were still around. We were all expected to pull our own weight, no matter where we came from.

“Good morning, Cirrus. You all right? You look like you saw a ghost!” Bolter announced excitedly from where he was buttoning up his heavy jacket. There was one thing to be said about the military: they certainly didn’t waste their extra gear. All of us had been given functional winter gear, so at least we weren’t freezing to death any more.

“You could say that, Bolter. Some stuff came up that I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with again. Would you mind taking care of carting those bandages from the storage tent to the medical tents on the north side of camp for me? I need to go speak with Swift Foot.”

“Yeah, sure. I can take care of that,” Bolter answered immediately, “Is… everything all right, Cir? You look really down.”

I let out a heavy sigh. If I was lucky, everything would work out well, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know who had talked to the Captain. “If we’re lucky, Bolt. Just, take care of that stuff for now, and we’ll worry about later when we get that far. Thank for helping me out. I know I don’t show it much, but I appreciate it.”

“You’ve got a lot on your mind, taking care of all of us. I’m just doing what I can to help. Anything I can do to make life easier for you makes me happy,” he answered with a smile.

It was amazing, even after everything we had suffered through, that young buck was still so high-spirited. “How do you do it, Bolter? How do you keep your spirits up so well with everything the way it is?”

The buck thought for a second, then shrugged. “I just figure that things really can’t get much worse. We’re here, together, with friends, and we’re all looking out for each other. I just tell myself that things will get better, and it makes things a bit easier. That, and I know it makes others feel better if they see somepony else feeling happy.”

“Huh, well I can certainly say it helps me. If you don’t mind my asking, do you think any of your family survived out there?”

The grey unicorn paused, and for a brief moment, his usually unflappable good nature disappeared, as if a cloud was passing over him. “There is one pony I’m looking for. My older brother lived out in the country. I suppose it’s possible he survived, but, I couldn’t abandon everyone to go on a wild goose chase! I wouldn’t even know where to start!”

“Bolter, it’s okay. I’m sure he’s fine. If we get ourselves organized well enough here, I’m sure the Captain wouldn’t have a problem with letting us go out as a search party for others. Thanks for being there for us. Now, I really must get going. I don’t want him to have to send for me,” I answered, managing a smile for the young stallion.

“Thanks, Cirrus. Good luck with your meeting!”

I nodded my acknowledgment to him while I walked to the small area I shared with Sunrise. I collected my jacket and pulled it on while she watched me from the pallet we used as a bed.

“I’ll be back soon, love. I need to go talk to Swift Foot. Hopefully I won’t be long,” I announced, making my way over to her and nuzzling her neck.

“Okay, Cirrus. One of the doctors asked me to help them in one of the medical tents later. They said I have a calming effect on the patients,” she answered, giving me a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll find you there,” I whispered, then turned and walked away. I couldn’t waste any more time. I’d look a lot better if I approached the Captain on my own, rather than having him send somepony to fetch me. With luck, the entire problem would resolve itself. With luck, I would be able to talk about this without babbling like I had to Charcoal. No matter what I tried to tell myself, I still hadn’t really come to the terms that I had been forced to kill somepony.

Captain Swift Foot was seated at his desk reading something when I pushed my way into the command tent. Radar, the Earth pony mare that was never more than a few steps away from the Captain, was at her computer, typing away as she worked on some report or other. I drew myself up, trying to boost my confidence with the thought that I knew I was in the right, and strode forward.

“Captain, I think we need to talk,” I announced, coming to a stop in front of him.

He looked up in surprise, obviously not expecting to see me. “Cirrus, what are you doing here?”

“Somepony told me that you’d discovered something about me. I’m here to put any questions to rest. Whatever they told you, you didn’t get the full story,” I insisted.

“Cirrus, this isn’t something I wanted to handle now. But fine, if you insist, we can take care of it now. Radar, would you mind running down to the mess and grabbing us something to drink?”

The mare nodded as she rose from her desk and disappeared outside after grabbing her jacket.

“All right, Cirrus. Here’s my problem: it’s come to my attention that you killed somepony out there. The only reason I’m willing to listen to you is because I’ve seen your temperament and work ethic first-hoof. That being said, I have a policy of not allowing any murderers in this camp. Simply because Equestria has taken a hit that makes it difficult to maintain order does not mean that I don’t live by its laws, and I expect everyone within this camp to do the same. Now I want you to tell me exactly what happened from your point of view, and I’ll see how well it aligns with what I’ve been told.”

I explained everything to the Captain, starting with how desperate our situation had been in the hobby shop. I told him how Just Heart and I had found that the door to the grocery store had been unlocked the day we had heard his radio broadcast, so he and I had entered to investigate, and to take anything we could that would allow us to survive. Thankfully, the Captain understood taking from abandoned stores, if only because of how difficult it was to survive out there.

When I reached the part of the story where we met the crazed pony, I started to choke up, but forced my way through it, telling how the pony had seemed fine, if scared, at first, but had steadily become more unstable, until he had come out of the office in a craze, attacking first Just Heart, then myself when I tried to protect him.

“I fired my gun in self-defense, after trying to force him off of us hadn’t worked. He was completely crazy, and I simply reacted. Just Heart was sure he would have been seriously injured had I not done anything,” I finished, my voice wavering, “I swear to you, Captain, I didn’t want to kill him, but I had to look out for my friends and the ponies I was, and still am, responsible for.”

Swift Foot was watching me with a steady gaze, his face a completely emotionless mask, but I could see his mind working behind his eyes. After several moments of tense silence, he finally spoke. “This is where we have a problem, Cirrus. The story I was told led me to believe that you had killed this pony to get at the supplies he was keeping in the store, not that he was crazy or anything else. If anything, it seems like a convenient cover story.”

“What?!” I protested, “Please, Captain, I swear to you, I didn’t want to kill him! I’d never even pointed my gun at anything other than a firing range target before! Look, just… talk to Just Heart. He’ll agree with me!”

Swift Foot sighed and lifted a hoof to his brow. “Unfortunately, Cirrus, this is a matter of your word over somepony under my command. As their commanding officer, I need to show them that I am willing to believe them, so unless you can provide any proof that you are telling me the truth, I have to believe them.”

I felt my stomach drop. Here I was, being told that the one even partially safe place I had found was going to be kicking me out, simply because I had been forced to kill another pony. I dropped to my rump, my legs no longer capable of keeping me standing. I hung my head as the reality of my situation washed over me. “We’re going to die,” I muttered, shaking my head, “All because of some crazed, half-rotted pony.”

“What did you just say?” Swift Foot interrupted me, “Why would you say half-rotted?” Like I’d said some sort of magic words, he was suddenly interested in my story, and I realized it might be my only chance at making him believe me.

“The pony that attacked us was missing a lot of skin, and his open wounds looked badly infected, kind of like severe radiation poisoning, except past the point when the pony should have died. He even smelled like he’d been rotting for days, even though he had just attacked us,” I explained.

“Hmmm, that explains a lot. We’ve had a few ponies come through here with similar symptoms. Most of them went completely insane and had to be put down for our own safety. The few others that didn’t left on their own. The Princesses only know if the same happened to them.” He sighed heavily, only this time, he sounded relieved, “Well, Cirrus, if what we’ve seen from these ponies is consistent with all of them, you’re story has much more credence. If you were right in identifying what this pony was suffering, it is entirely possible that he had attacked you first. I apologize for putting you through this.”

“It’s… fine, Captain,” I answered, “You’re just trying to look out for these ponies. If you don’t mind my asking, who told you about all this? There aren’t many ponies, even in my own group, that know about what happened.”

“I was surprised when you mentioned Just Heart, Cirrus, because the soldier that brought this to my attention told me that it was him that said you had killed somepony. I don’t know why he would leave out details as important as the ones you just told me, but there it is,” Swift Foot explained.

My shock left me completely tongue-tied. Why would Just Heart tell somepony outside of our group that I had killed? It simply didn’t make any sense.

“I… I need to go find Just Heart, Captain. Thank you for listening to me,” I muttered, barely managing to get the words out past my confusion.

The Captain’s response was completely lost on me as I turned and made my way outside, nearly knocking over the returning Radar as I did. She shouted something after me about a hot drink, but I barely heard her, wanting nothing more than to find Just Heart and figure out what was going on.

How could he have done this to me? Just Heart was easily my closest friend, and he knew how badly killing that pony had affected me. He had watched as I broke down in the grocery store and tried to leave behind my gun, the only thing I owned that I could use to protect myself. Hell, he had even practically taken the blame for killing the pony when he told the others what had happened. And now he was telling soldiers here that I had done it.

It was stupid, thoughtless, and outright dangerous. We all knew how the Captain felt about lawbreakers, so Just Heart should have been smart enough to keep his damn mouth shut. The only hope I had was that he had been cornered and been forced to talk. If that wasn’t the case, then he had better have a damn good reason.

I finally found the stallion in the mess tent, nursing a glass of dark liquid. As I got closer to him, I could make out the smell of beer. “Just Heart, what the hell are you doing?” I snapped, grabbing the cup and moving it away from him, “It isn’t even noon yet!”

“Cirrus, what the hell!” he exclaimed, sitting back in surprise. His words were slurred and the stench of alcohol on his breath was heavy enough to make me feel queasy.

“Are you drunk? What the hell are you doing, Heart? This isn’t like you!” I stated as I sat down across from him, “We aren’t safe here, not yet. I’m still relying on you, and I can’t have you sitting around getting drunk. Where the hell did you even get it?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that I need a drink!” he growled, reaching out with a hoof for the drink, which I made sure was still out of his reach, “And it’s none of your business where I got it from.”

“Do you know what Swift Foot is going to do if he finds out you’ve been drinking when there’s work to be done? Dammit, Heart, I thought you were smarter than this! And why the hell did you go and tell somepony what happened in that grocery store? I just came from a meeting with the Captain where he almost threw me out of the camp for killing that pony!”

“He did what now?” Just Heart asked, his ears perking up slightly and a little bit of light returning to his eyes.

I sighed. He was way too far gone for me to get anything out of him. I pushed myself away from the table, stepped outside, and grabbed a hoof-ful of grey slush. I walked back inside and slapped Just Heart across the face with the cold mess, hard.

He started sputtering angrily. “Cirrus, what the fuck was that for! Celestia above, that was unneccesary!” He was shaking his head wildly, trying to shake clear the slush and water that was clinging to his face, but he at least sounded a bit more clear-headed.

“It was entirely necessary, Heart. Why the hell did you tell one of the soldiers about the grocery store! You almost got me kicked out of the camp!” I snapped, “And now you’re in here drinking when there’s work to be done! What the fuck has gotten into you?”

He looked around sheepishly, as if he was just becoming aware of where he was. “I did what? Oh, shit,” he muttered, lowering his head to the table, “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. Dammit, I’m such an idiot!”

“What happened, Heart?” I asked, sitting back. I finally looked at the stallion, and realized how bad of shape he was in. The radiation burn he had gotten in that first week still hadn’t healed properly, and he kept it covered under his heavy jacket. I could tell by looking at him that it wasn’t the only burn. I could see the edge of another creeping above the neckline of his coat, extending partway under his neck. He was also keeping his mane hidden underneath one of the black knit caps that Charcoal preferred.

“It was Wrench. He approached me yesterday after the work day was over and offered to patch up our differences over a drink. He brought me out to the mess and we talked over some beers. He must have slipped me something, because I don’t remember most of that conversation. Sometime during the night, I must have told him about what happened at the grocery store. Dammit! I’m so sorry, Cirrus. I didn’t mean it!”

I shook my head slowly in disbelief. I knew the buck didn’t like us, but I didn’t think he had it in him to try to get us killed. “That bastard!” I swore, smashing a hoof into the table hard enough to send the beer sprawling, the dark liquid spreading over the table, “He almost ruined us! It’s like he doesn’t even realize how much we all depend on each other.”

Just Heart had an equally angry look. “That bastard is going to pay for this! He used me for his own ends, and I’ll be damned before I let him get away with it.”

He stood up from the bench and marched outside. From the way he was walking, it was obvious he still wasn’t entirely sober, and I worried about what he was going to do. I rushed after him, luckily catching him within a few steps. “Heart, calm down a second! If we go and explain the situation to Swift Foot, I’m sure he’ll understand and do something about it! He doesn’t strike me as the sort to simply ignore something like this!”

“No, Cirrus. I understand what you’re trying to do, but that fucker almost got you tossed out of here. Do you have any idea how much that would hurt the rest of us? The only damn reason we’re all still here is because of you! I am not going to just let this go!”

“Then at least give me a little bit of time. Right now, they are all out on patrol, and if you do something while they are out there, that puts us all at risk. Give me until tonight. If I can’t figure something out, I’ll let you do whatever you want, all right?” I was betting a lot on the fact that Swift Foot was going to listen to me. I really didn’t want Just Heart doing something rash. Hopefully just letting him cool off for a while would make him see things my way.

For a few moments, it looked like Heart was going to ignore me and chase after the patrol anyway, but the hard lines on his face finally softened, and he took a step away from the tent flap. “All right, Cirrus. We’ll do it your way, and only because of my respect for you. If it was any other pony telling me to wait, I wouldn’t listen. Go and try your diplomacy, I’ll be waiting.”

He strode out of the tent, and I followed after him, wanting to make sure he was going back to our tents. Sure enough, he soon disappeared inside the tent he shared with a few other ponies from out group, and I was confident I could leave him alone for a while.

Before I made my way back to Swift Foot’s tent, I made sure to seek out Bolter. I finally found the grey unicorn in one of the medical tents, organizing one of the medical cabinets while the medic worked on a few ponies with a range of injuries, from severe radiation poisoning to broken limbs.

“Hey, Bolter, you have a second?” I asked, stepping up beside the young buck.

“Yeah, of course, Cirrus. What do you need?” he asked me, a hint of concern in his voice.

“When you’re finished here, can you keep an eye on Just Heart for me? One of the soldier’s got him pretty drunk last night, and he still hasn’t recovered fully. I don’t want him doing anything stupid before I can get some stuff figured out.”

“Sure, no problem. Is… everything all right? You’ve been a little jumpy all day.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just some bad news that it became my job to sort out. It may not seem like it right now, but everything is going to be all right,” I answered. I couldn’t decide if I was trying to convince him or myself.

“All right. Just remember, Cirrus, we’re here to help you. You don’t need to do everything on your own.”

“I know, Bolter, and I appreciate it. This situation is just a little… fragile, at the moment. I promise, once everything is figured out, I’ll tell you all about it. I hate keeping secrets, but right now, it’s the only thing keeping the peace.”

Bolter was quiet for several long seconds. “Makes you wish for everything to go back the way it was, doesn’t it?” he finally said, all traces of his usual jovial tone replaced by a sadness I had never heard from him before.

“I’ve wanted things to go back the way they were the moment I saw the first bomb hit, Bolter. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do except look out for each other and hope that it’s enough. Thanks again for your help. With luck everything will be figured out by tonight.”

I left him without waiting for a response. I knew he would understand, since he was one of the few ponies that always seemed to know what was going on in my head.

The walk back to Swift Foot’s tent was long and cold, and the entire time I was simply going over what I was going to say to the Captain, but nothing seemed right. When I was finally standing in front of the flap, it was snowing again, though I hated calling the grey shit falling from the sky snow. I still had no idea what I was going to say, but I was out of time.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and stepped through the flap, trying to look as determined as possible. “Captain, we need to talk!” I announced, a bit more angrily than I had intended.

“Cirrus! What the hell are you doing? We already talked about what happened, and you’re fine! I understand the situation. What more is there?” Swift Foot asked, a look of utter surprise on his face.

“What more is there? How about one of your soldiers deliberately getting one of the ponies with me drunk in an effort to find dirt on us? How about that pony trying to get me killed because he simply doesn’t like me! Or do you not agree that exiling ponies from a safe haven like this is the same as killing them?” I snapped.

“What in Equestria are you talking about, Cirrus? I simply found out that somepony had been killed by you, and wanted to know the whole story. That’s all I care about!”

“But it isn’t all I care about!” A part of me realized I was quickly losing control of my temper, but I didn’t care. Wrench had attacked me, and threatened both me and the ponies that followed me. I couldn’t just let it happen. “Your pony tried to hurt us.”

Swift Foot sighed and lifted a hoof to his brow. “You aren’t making my day any easier, Cirrus,” he muttered.

“And you think mine got any easier when Charcoal showed up at me tent telling me that you knew I had been forced to kill? Or that it got any easier when I found out Wrench had gotten my closest friend drunk in an attempt to kick us out of the camp? From my point of view, I’m not being unreasonable, Swift Foot. I just don’t want the ponies that I’m responsible for to suffer anymore. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“You know Wrench is the one who found out?” Swift Foot asked, surprised.

“Do you take us for idiots, Captain? Just Heart remembers exactly who he was drinking with last night, and before you say anything, it was at that pony’s insistence. That sounds like a deliberate attack against us to me.”

“Okay, Cirrus, I can see why you’re angry. I’ll talk to Wrench and make sure nothing like this happens again. There isn’t anything else I can do. What’s done is done, and we have to live with it, all of us,” Swift Foot said in an attempt to calm me down, “Just promise me you’ll drop it as well.”

“As long as he doesn’t do anything else to us, I agree. I’m sorry I got so angry, but I almost had everything I’ve struggled for torn away from me. I’m sure you understand,” I answered, making an attempt to calm myself.

“While I do understand the problem, I would ask that you keep yourself a little more under control. I do have an image to maintain as the Commanding Officer here,” he answered sternly.

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t make any guarantees where my friends are concerned,” I said as I turned to leave, “Thank you for listening to me. Hopefully this will take care of the problem before it gets any worse.”

“I agree. As I said, I’ll be sure to speak to Wrench. If I make the situation clear to him, I imagine he will back off.”

I nodded my understanding and stepped outside, heading back to our tents to talk to Just Heart. The solution wasn’t perfect, but it was the best we were going to get. It would have to be enough.

To my despair, Just Heart hadn’t been the least bit pacified by the agreement I had come to with Swift Foot. He argued that simply getting Wrench to leave us alone wasn’t good enough, since he had gone to such great lengths to hurt us. It didn’t matter to Just Heart that it would solve any future problems; he was simply fixated on the fact that we had been wronged, and nothing was being done to make up for it.

I tried to make him see that there was no way to punish anypony anymore, considering we needed every individual working hard every day simply to survive. Locking somepony up would only hurt the rest of us. The only solution left was to forgive and forget, but Just Heart was too worked up to even consider that as an option.

The argument left me exhausted and worn out. Everything I had tried to make Just Heart see reason had failed, and considering our conversation earlier, I was worried that he was going to try something stupid. He was a good pony, but he often let his temper get the best of him, and acted on his own sense of justice, rather than what was best for everypony involved. I could only hope that he would realize how hard I was trying to make this solution work.

The evening meal was one of the few times where everypony that was capable, and didn’t have other duties to see to, gathered together. Some thought it was out of an attempt to build solidarity, but I figured it was just to make some tradition that we could all look forward to every day. Having something to live for was important at times like this, and knowing we could see and talk to friends who worked in completely different parts of the camp at this time was a good thing.

My usual place was with Sunrise, Bolter, and Just Heart. We were usually joined by a few other ponies from our group, and sometimes Charcoal would join us as well. He was the only pony from the camp that had made an effort to befriend us, and I tried my best to appreciate that.

Tonight, there was an unusual tension around our table. Just Heart reminded me of a coiled spring that could snap at any moment, and it lended a certain unfriendly atmosphere about our table, enough so that it was just the four of us that usually sat together. Nopony else even approached us.

I tried to keep an upbeat outlook during the meal, speaking with Bolter about his family and telling him about Sunrise’s and my life together in Manehatten. But Just Heart was sulking the entire time, picking at his food and generally ignoring everything going on around him. I hoped it would stay that way for the rest of the night.

The shift happened when Sergeant Beet Root and his patrol finally made it to the tent. Just Heart changed from being tense and introspective to somepony on the edge of exploding. I could see the small changes in his face, like his eyes narrowing ever so slightly, and the muscles in his legs contracting, like he was getting ready to jump somepony.

I laid a hoof on his shoulder. “Heart, calm down. Let’s just get through this meal. Everything will figure itself out.”

“I don’t think so,” he growled, shrugging my hoof of and rising to his hooves.

As soon as I saw where he was headed, I scrambled to my hooves as well and rushed after him.

He strode right up to Wrench and stood in the other pony’s way, stopping him from getting his meal. “Where the fuck do you get off, manipulating us like this!” Heart shouted in Wrench’s face, “Did you really think we would simply let you get us thrown out of this place? Well, I’ve got something to tell you. We have worked way to fucking hard to let some self-absorbed prick like you destroy what little of our lives we have left!”

For a brief moment, Wrench seemed surprised, but it quickly became apparent that the surprise wasn’t at the accusations, but at the simple fact that he was being confronted at all. The surprised expression quickly faded into a smug grin. “I’m just doing my duty. It is the Captain’s business to know everything and anything about the ponies that come here. I was just doing what was expected of me.”

“Heart, just drop it. This isn’t worth it. We figured it all out, and nopony got hurt,” I pleaded, placing a hoof on his shoulder and trying to pull him back.

“No, Cirrus! I can’t just drop it! I don’t care what kind of deal you worked out with Swift Foot; this pony tried to hurt us! What would you and Sunrise do if he had succeeded, huh? You’d probably be dead by now! That’s exactly what this fucker was trying to do: kill us!” Just Heart snapped, twisting out from under my grasp and stepping towards Wrench again. “So listen here, you little fuck. I want you to apologize to us for trying to hurt us. I want you to realize how hard we’ve had to work simply to survive, and to know that you almost undid all of that! Cirrus almost got himself killed looking out for the rest of us, and you don’t seem to care at all!”

“Why would I care about some stupid city Pegasus? And why would I apologize for doing my duty? Seems to me like you really haven’t figured out how this world works. I suggest you do that.”

It struck me that nopony else seemed to be trying to get involved. Beet Root was simply standing off to the side, watching the altercation with a surprised expression, like he had been completely blindsided by the entire situation. I sympathized with him; until this morning, I had been the exact same way. Swift Foot was watching from his table, a pile of paperwork lying forgotten next to his plate. His eyes weren’t on Wrench and Just Heart, though. They were on me.

“Heart, just fucking drop it!” I snapped, stepping forward again and trying to drag him back from Wrench, “I don’t care anymore! All I care about is watching out for you, for Sunrise, for Bolter, and for every other pony that came here with us. Please, just leave Wrench alone.”

“Fuck that! He tried to get us killed. Where I come from, that’s enough of a reason to arrest him, but out here, due process of law doesn’t exist. That leaves one option: make sure he knows never to try it again!” Just Heart snapped, shoving me off of him, and leaping at Wrench.

Wrench neatly sidestepped the attack and kicked Just Heart viciously in the side with his hindlegs. To his credit, Just Heart didn’t go down, but merely stumbled a few steps to the side, clutching his side and trying to catch his breath.

“You self-important son of a bitch!” he shouted as he leapt again. This time, he made contact, colliding with Wrench and bearing the other buck to the ground.

Unfortunately for Heart, Wrench had been trained as a soldier, and I remembered Charcoal telling me that he had gone hoof-to-hoof with stripe soldiers before. There was no way Heart stood a chance.

Within seconds, Wrench had completely overpowered Just Heart and help him pinned in a headlock. “You really need to learn to appreciate your betters, you conceited asshole,” he growled before looking up and towards Swift Foot. “What do you want me to do with him, sir?”

“Detain him in one of the empty tents on the east side of the camp. He has attacked a soldier of the Equestrian Army. We’ll hold a trial in the morning. I suggest that everpony here return to their tents and get some rest,” Swift Foot announced as he rose from his seat, “Cirrus Swirl, meet me in my tent, now.”

I was still in complete shock when I stepped outside. Just Heart was normally rational, and would at least take a step back if I asked him too. Hell, everypony in our group had the opinion that he and I saw eye-to-eye on almost everything. That was what made it so hard to believe that he had flat-out ignored me. Sure, I was upset at Wrench to, but that didn’t mean I was willing to risk our standing in this camp just for petty revenge. The fact that Heart didn’t care about that was not good news, for me of for anypony. I could only hope that there was something more to the story than any of us were aware of.

I reached Swift Foot’s tent far sooner than I wanted to, and stood outside in front of the flap, trying to stave off the conversation that I knew had to happen. The cold of the rapidly approaching night was quickly settling into my body, though, and within just a couple of minutes, I was shivering. The elements were going to force me into this confrontation, even if nopony else was going to do it.

With a sigh, I stepped forward, pushing the flap out of my way as I did. There was only one dim desk lamp lit that cast most of the room into deep shadows. The shadows seemed more ominous than I expected, like something was going to jump out of them at any moment and assault me. For the first time since arriving, I didn’t feel safe within the borders of the camp.

Swift Foot was the only pony in the tent other than myself. He was sitting at the desk, his face hidden in the shadows. He was leaning forward, his head resting on his hooves.

“Tell me exactly what happened in there, Cirrus. He is your friend, and you know him better than anypony under my command. I want answers. This is the only problem I’ve ever had with your group, but I cannot have my soldiers being attacked, for any reason,” he finally ground out after a prolonged silence, lifting his head up to fix me in a piercing gaze. I could see the lines of worry and concern etched into his face, but they weren’t for me. If anything, this pony was allowing me to see how he truly felt about what was going on.

“I wish I could explain, Captain,” I answered with a shrug, still trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say, “Just Heart is usually very rational. I was shocked when he ignored me. I… I can’t believe he would attack Wrench like that. Something’s wrong. I don’t remember him ever being that violent before.”

“That’s what I figured. You’re reaction in there was most atypical of you. I don’t recall ever seeing you lose your temper before, at least not in public. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been so willing to believe you. But Just Heart’s actions really shocked you, as much as they did the rest of us?”

“Yes, they did. I can try to talk to him again, if you want. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again,” I offered, hoping against hope that he would listen to me.

“I wish I could accept that, Cirrus Swirl, but the sad truth is that he attacked one of my soldiers, a pony in the service of the Equestrian Army. If it were anything else, I could be more lenient. As it is, the best I can do is put him on trial tomorrow. But understand, Cirrus Swirl, I’m only doing this because of my respect for you, and my respect for him, as strained as it might be right now.”

“I… I understand, Captain. I’m sorry I can’t give you any better explanation than what I gave you earlier today. He was only worked up because of Wrench’s manipulation of him. It’s a bad excuse, but it’s all he has.”

“We’ll address it tomorrow, Cirrus. But for now, I have a more pressing concern. You’re his closest friend, so I can’t run the risk of you doing anything to help him until tomorrow. Before you interrupt, I do trust you, but he is under military detainment, and there are certain rules that go along with that. I have to ask you to sleep under guard tonight. Once the trial is over, I promise, there will be no more action against you.”

For a few moments, I couldn’t think of what to say. I was still reeling from the events in the mess tent to really process that Swift Foot wasn’t going to let me spend the night with Sunrise. When my mind finally caught up, it was to the realization that I couldn’t say no.

In that moment, I realized how screwed up everything was. I didn’t feel safe in a military camp, my best friend was going on trial for looking out for us, and I was being forced away from the ponies I loved, even if for only a night, simply because he was my friend. No matter what was decided at that trial tomorrow, I knew we couldn’t stay here much longer, not with the way things were going. We needed to find somewhere where we could look out for ourselves, and if that place had these splits in loyalty, then it wasn’t safe. Everypony needed to be on equal footing now. There wasn’t any space for rank or superiority. We either worked together, or we died.

I felt my mouth curl in a cynical grin. “I really don’t have much of a choice, do I? If I say no, you’ll force me to sleep under guard. If I say yes, it won’t be anywhere near the rest of my group, am I right?”

“I’m only following regulations, Cirrus,” Swift Foot answered, looking taken aback. I took a little bit of satisfaction from that.

“Tell me, Swift Foot: what good are regulations out here? The entire world has gone to shit. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for your hospitality. We’d all be dead if it wasn’t for you being here. But I think you have to realize that you can’t think of terms of ‘us’ and ‘them’. Sure, Wrench and the others were soldiers under you before everything fell apart, but with the way things are, we all need to look out for each other, on equal footing. Once we start playing favorites, everything falls apart, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“I’m not playing favorites, Cirrus. I am simply following the rules I was taught during my training. There is nothing more to it.”

“Then tell me this: is Wrench being detained for his part in all of this? Is he going on trial for spying on me and trying to get me thrown out of this camp, which is practically a death sentence?” I snapped. I didn’t know where this anger was coming from, but it felt justified. Swift Foot had a suitably surprised look on his face, and I could tell I was hitting a raw nerve. The only question was whether or not he would understand my view, or if he would get angry.

“Of course he isn’t! He was the one that was attacked! He simply did what he did because he had doubts about your group. I agree with you that his methods were wrong, which is why I still plan on speaking to him about the entire issue. But this attack against me is entirely unwarranted, Cirrus! I’m doing my best to keep us all alive!”

“Apparently not, otherwise we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place,” I growled in return.

Swift Foot opened his mouth as if he were about to respond, then closed it again. For several long moments, the silence grew between us, and with it, I could feel a great chasm opening between us. I had made it firmly known where I stood on the matter of my own, and my friend’s survival, and it was a very different idea than Swift Foot had.

Before he had a chance to come up with something to respond, I spoke again. “I’ll agree to sleeping under guard tonight, if only to make things easier on the both of us, but keep in mind what I said, Swift Foot. The old way of looking at things isn’t going to work anymore, not in this world. Now where am I going?”

For several moments more, Swift Foot seemed unable to speak. After several times of opening and closing his jaw, he finally managed to force out, “I’ll have Charcoal show you to your quarters for the night. Thank you, at least for agreeing with me on this.”

With that, I turned around and walked outside. True to Swift Foot’s statement, Charcoal was standing outside.

“I heard the last bit of that. Seems you and the Captain don’t agree on some things,” he mused, tilting his head to the side.

“This whole situation is a mess, Charcoal. I’m more than a little unsure of what to do. And now even more ponies are getting dragged into it.”

“Well, that’s the way of the world. Friend of mine from before all this shit had the best way of putting it: ‘We mostly just claw our way from one mess to another and hope our ass comes along for the ride’. This is just another mess, and the way you and your friends stick together, I imagine everything’s going to work out all right in the end.”

“After all the shit that happened tonight, you really think that’s going to happen?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at the black buck.

“You never know. I’ve survived some really bad shit, and seen the Captain make some surprising decisions,” he answered with a shrug, “Now, come on. It’s cold enough out here to freeze the balls off a manticore.”

He led me to a small tent on the western edge of the camp, only a few dozen yards from the open countryside. It was a bare tent, with only a few empty cots and nothing else. It must have been one of the medical tents that we were in the process of cleaning out.

For a moment, the thought struck me that a lot of ponies had probably died in here, but I quickly dismissed that thought, since there wasn’t anything I could do about it, and dwelling on the lives of a few ponies I had never known wouldn’t do my any good. With nothing better to do, I picked a cot and stretched myself out, but sleep wasn’t going to come easy.

That night was one of the longest I had experienced since the bombs fell, even over the wait in the fallout shelter in Manehattan, wondering if there was going to be a world to come back to. That night was one where I knew exactly what I was going to wake up to, and absolutely nothing I could do would stop it from approaching. That simple fact alone was enough to keep me up until the small hours of the morning.

When dawn finally broke, it did so onto another cloudy, cold day. In almost every aspect, it was exactly identical to the day before, and the day before that. But in my heart, I could tell that this day was different. One way or another, nothing was going to be the same when the sun went down.

I dragged myself to my hooves, shaking my head in an attempt to wake myself up. I had gotten almost no sleep the entire night and felt like there was no energy in any part of my body. I strode outside to be greeted by May Blossom in her usual emotionless voice.

“Mornin’,” I grumbled in return, breathing in a large lungful of the cold air in an attempt to shock myself into wakefulness. It helped, but not nearly as much as I would have liked.

“So where is this trial taking place?” I asked her, shaking the last bit of melting slush off my face.

“The courtyard in front of the mess tent. Captain wants to do it as soon as possible. I’ll lead you there now. We should be able to get a bite to eat before we start,” she answered, already turning away from me and wandering down the pathway.

I followed after her as she led me to the mess tent. Inside, there were far more ponies than I had expected to see, no doubt a consequence of the impending trial. Most were gathered in their usual cliques, but as I moved to join Sunrise and Bolter, May Blossom stopped me.

“Not until after the trial,” she said evenly, “Captain’s orders.”

“I just want to say good morning to my wife,” I growled, “I can’t even do that?”

“Captain’s orders,” May Blossom repeated, “You eat with us this morning.”

As she pulled me away, I saw the look both Bolter and Sunrise were giving me. They had the look of ponies that desperately wanted to know what was going on. Sullenly, I followed May Blossom over to her table with Beet Root and Charcoal. Wrench, thankfully, was nowhere to be seen.

Charcoal tried to strike up a conversation with me, but I had no interest in talking. I simply wanted to get this meal over with, and then get through the trial. Anything else was simply a distraction. After a few stalled attempts, Charcoal finally stopped trying to talk to me and let me eat in peace, not that my meal tasted any good to me.

I ended up just pushing the dehydrated food around a lot while taking only a few bites. Even knowing I had to keep my strength up, I simply couldn’t focus my mind on food. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long.

Only ten minutes after sitting down, Swift Foot appeared, making the announcement for everypony to gather outside before disappearing again. I was immediately on my hooves, making my way to the tent flap and out into the cold morning wind.

Swift Foot was already standing at one end of the courtyard with Just Heart before him, flanked by two soldiers whose names I couldn’t remember. One was a light brown Earth pony buck. The other was a light blue unicorn buck that had a mean scar cutting across his face, making one of his eyes squint perpetually.

The Captain waited a few moments for everypony to gather and settle down, then announced in a booming voice I had never heard from him before, “Just Heart, you stand accused of assault of one of the soldiers under my command. Out of my own respect towards you and your friends, you are being tried as an equal in the camp, rather than as a civilian. What do you have to say in your own defense?”

I was standing over twenty feet from the buck, but even from here, I could feel his anger. If looks could kill, I had no illusions to the fact that Swift Foot would be lying dead from the glare Just Heart had leveled at him. “I think you fucking know what I have to say, Captain. That bastard was spying on us, he manipulated my by making me think that he was trying to apologize to me for his manners, and nearly got my closest friend, and the only reason anypony from our group is even still alive, exiled from the camp! In this fucked up world we live in, we have to look out for each other, and he was working against us. I had to protect my friends and the ponies I have assumed responsibility for. If that isn’t good enough for you, then the military follows very different ideals than I thought they did.”

“I see…” Swift Foot muttered evenly, “I can understand your troubles, Just Heart, but Corporal Wrench was acting out of interest for the safety of the camp. I agree that the methods used were dishonest, and he is going to be reprimanded, but I cannot punish him for acting in the interest of the ponies already here. Do you have anything else to say in your defense, or is revenge your only argument?”

“Who the fuck said anything about revenge? I’m just looking out for the ponies that trusted Cirrus and myself to get them this far! This wasn’t about getting back at him, it was about looking out for the ponies I care about!”

“Very well. In any other case, my sentence would be death for the unprovoked attack of a soldier under my command. However, it has come to my attention that your particular medical condition may have some bearing on your actions. In light of this condition, I will reduce your sentence to exile. Just Heart, you are no longer welcome in this camp. You have one hour to collect your belongings and say your good-byes to your friends. You will be given a small supply of food and fresh water, since it is not my intent to cause your death. This trial is adjourned.”

“Medical condition? The fuck are you talking about?” Just Heart demanded, “There’s not a damn thing wrong with me!”

“Stop lying to yourself. The sores are there for everypony to see. And keep this in mind, Just Heart: they just saved your life,” Swift Foot answered sharply, “And I suggest you start getting your things together. That hour has already started. I don’t want you here any longer than is absolutely necessary.”

I stood rooted to the spot, shock rendering my completely paralyzed. I had expected Swift Foot to be far more understanding, but instead, he had basically caused the death of one of my closest friends. In that moment, I knew I couldn’t stay her any longer without doing something that I would truly regret.

I was finally torn out of my reverie when Just Heart approached me, his expression still bearing the remains of his anger, but quickly being overtaken by shock.

“I can’t believe this just happened. I look out for my friends, and this is my goddamn thanks. Fucking bastard. And there isn’t anything wrong with me! Who gives a fuck if I have some radiation burns that are taking some time to heal? It isn’t screwing with my head. Dammit, Cirrus, what the hell am I going to do?”

“I don’t know, Heart, but I can tell you that you aren’t going to have to do it alone,” I answered. It was a brash thing to say, but it was how I felt.

“What the hell do you mean, Cirrus? You can’t seriously be considering coming with me, not after everything we went through trying to find this place! What about Sunrise?”

“I don’t know, Heart, but I do know that I simply can’t stand for this. It’s completely unfair, but Swift Foot is blinding himself to our side of things. Look, go get your things together. I’m going to go talk to Swift Foot, and then I’ll gather everyone in our tent. Meet me there in ten minutes, all right? If I can’t make the Captain see reason, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay any more. Not with the way he’s running this place.”

Just Heart shook his head silently for a few moments. “Nopony could ever say you aren’t loyal, Cirrus. And damn am I proud to call you my friend. The tent in ten minutes, I’ll be there.”

I nodded to him, then turned and followed after Swift Foot. I could feel in my gut that I would leave that conversation either completely satisfied or entirely disenchanted with everything that the Captain was fighting for. Luck would decide which it was.

“I expected better of you, Swift Foot!” I snapped, pushing my way into his tent, not even caring if he was busy, “He is my closest friend! I’d be dead if it weren’t for him, and you’re throwing him out for one mistake! I honestly thought you’d take at least some of what I told you to heart.”

“Cirrus, what the hell are you doing here?” the Captain said with a surprised expression, obviously still catching up to what I had said.

“You know exactly what I’m doing here! You practically ignored me! Every single pony that came here with me has been following your directions without question. We pull our own weight, and we have even picked up some of the slack where your soldiers were falling short, and this is our repayment? What the hell did we do to deserve this kind of treatment?”

“I’m not punishing your group, Cirrus. I passed judgment on a pony that attacked one of my own. I’m sorry you don’t agree with my decision, but that’s the way it is,” Swift Foot answered evenly, finally bringing himself under control.

“And what happened to any of my advice! That was a military trial! If he had fought with some other pony that wasn’t a soldier, you would have overlooked the whole thing, or at least made the punishment something small. This is completely ridiculous!”

“He isn’t dead, Cirrus. The regs are clear: and civilian attacking a soldier is guilty of committing treason against Equestria. If I were actually doing my job, I should have shot him then and there. He’s alive solely because of what you said,” Swift Foot snapped, “So there you have it. Your words saved a life. That’s all you’re getting.”

I shook my head at him. How could he possibly be this dense? Just Heart was one of the hardest workers in the camp. By exiling him, he was cutting a significant piece of his workforce out. “I can’t fucking believe this, and I am not going to stand for it,” I growled, “You’d better prepare a few more sets of supplies, because I can’t live in this camp if this is your sense of justice, Swift Foot. If you aren’t going to change your mind, then I’m leaving, and I know there are going to be several ponies that will follow me. Unlike you, I’m not going to abandon my friend.”

I didn’t wait for the Captain to respond before turning tail and marching out of the tent. I had said my piece and made my decision. I couldn’t stay here, not with the direction he was taking the camp. He would never care the same for ponies whose lives’ he’d saved as for the lives of the soldier under his command, and that wasn’t something I could live with.

Before long, I was back at our tent, where Just Heart had all of his personal belongings packed. Sunrise and Bolter were sitting with him, completely silent. Charcoal was in the tent as well, presumably under orders to keep an eye on Just Heart.

“Cirrus! What happened, what did Swift Foot say?” Bolter announced excitedly as soon as I answered. Judging only by his tone, I could tell that he believed everything was turning out for the best.

“I’m done with that self-important mule,” I growled angrily, “He’s refusing to listen to reason, and his decision stands. I’m sorry, Just Heart, but I couldn’t convince him to let you stay.”

“Heh, it’s not like I expected anything to change, Cirrus. At least you tried,” Just Heart muttered.

“What happens next, Cirrus? We can’t just let him go off on his own? Luna only knows what’s out there!” Sunrise chimed in.

“I agree completely, and I already made it clear to him that I don’t intend to stay here as long as he keeps up this track of thinking,” I answered.

“Oh… I see,” Sunrise muttered, lowering her head to the ground for a moment and closing her eyes. I was about to say something to her, but I saw her gather herself and look back up, a light of determination in her eyes that had been missing for a long time. “I’m with you, my love. We can’t abandon Just Heart in his hour of need. I’m going with you.”

I couldn’t help but smile, but under the façade, I felt a small amount of grief as well. Sunrise had finally found something worth living for besides simple survival, but it had taken getting thrown out of the first safe place we had found to happen.

“What about you, Bolter? Since we don’t have any real place to go, I imagine that this is a good chance to get out to look for your family. I understand if you want to stay, it is safe here, but we’d love to have you along. You’ve been a great support to all of us,” I asked, looking at the grey unicorn.

Bolter was silent for several long moments, and I could see that he was thinking very hard. Finally, he looked up at me, the ghost of a smile on his face. “Of course I’m with you, Cir. You saved all of us. What kind of friend would I be if I abandoned you all now! Count me in! Together, we can overcome anything!”

My smile widened at that. It was terrible that this was happening at all, but at the very least, it was showing me that I truly did have a group of ponies I could call my friends.

“Thank you, Bolter. Charcoal, could I ask you to go and make sure that we get enough supplies for the four of us? I imagine that if something is being given to the pony that’s forced to leave, we’d get something as well,” I asked the soldier.

Despite everything, there was a smile on his face as well. “I’ll make sure of it,” he answered, “And let me tell you, Cirrus, it makes me happy to know that there are still ponies out here that are willing to look out for each other. I’ll make sure the rest of the ponies that came here with you are well taken care of.” With that, he disappeared through the tent flap.

I looked at my two closest friends and my wife, unable to stop the feeling of pride in my chest. These three were the reason I kept fighting to survive. Without them, I couldn’t imagine life being worth it.

Only a short time later, we had our supplies. The saddlebags were filled with enough food, water, and medical supplies to keep us on our hooves for a week, if we rationed it carefully. Hopefully, we’d be able to find a good source of supplies by the end of that time.

We said our goodbyes to Charcoal, the only pony in the camp that I was able to consider a friend, as well as the rest of our group, trying to reassure them that they would be safe in the camp, then stepped out into the frozen expanse of the Equestrian country side. For better or for worse, we were out on our own again, but all four of us had a reason to keep pressing on. We’d find a way to survive.

{And so we finally come to the end of another chapter.I apologize profusely for the massive, 6-month delay (didn't even realize it had been that long!) School kept me insanely busy, then moving back home for the summer and settling back into work screwed me up some more, but I am finally finding time to get back into a routine! Thanks, as always, go to Kkat for the original Fallout: Equestria, as well as to my wonderful editors/proofreaders MUCKSTER and Barrobroadcaster!}