The Twelve Nights of Nightmare Night

"Girls, huddle yonder!" Twilight called.

"Right!"

As Darksong continued to mope in his room, the group of spooky, scary mares gathered in the hall outside of his room, Spike with a look of pure dread on his face.

"Oh lord of the nocturnal, please don't tell me you're all going to get sidetracked helping Darksong..." he moaned.

"But sidequests gain you extra experience points!" Pinkie bounced.

The group gazed at her blankly.

"Wait - what?" Rainbow Death grunted.

"What a terrible night to ignore such things," she said, narrowing her eyes.

Spike nodded... slowly. "Right then, aside from Pinkie Slice's somewhat wickedly awesome insanity, you guys realize who you're going up against, right? Horsey Douchebag Dark Link is only douchebag in name! Seriously, this dude is a badass! Even I gotta give him props."

Twilight was forced to reluctantly nod in agreement. "It's true... I mean - he does have all the qualities Darksong has and more... he's immortal - in a weird sort of way, he's good at killing things that are trying to kill other things... um... well,  that's pretty much it."

"Seriously?!" Applemoon grunted. "Darksong's a nice guy - shouldn't that make up for it? Dark Link doesn't even talk!"

"Obviously you need to get to know your fellow rotting females, Applelicious," Spike grinned. "Twilight isn't giving him enough credit. I mean, really - we're talking about the guy who helped take down the Lich King!"

Nearly One Thousand Years Ago... atop an icy citadel in the north...

"You dare challenge death itself, Horsey Dark Link?" Artharius hissed, his metallic, humanoid form looming over him. Around the citadel, two armies: one led by Nightmare, and another under the control of Artharius, clashed. "Blight of Time or not... even you will yield to entropy..."

SHIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!.!.!

Slowly, but menacingly, he drew Frostmourne, the huge,  metallic sword slowly, somehow absorbing snowfall - as if each snowflake held its own spirit that was sucked in.

"Shall I do the universe's work for it? Shall I provide a cold even the North can't?"

He twirled his sword, before glaring at Link, his hideous, blue eyes shining through his blackened, ancient helmet. Link merely stood stoic as Artharius gestured forth.

"Come now... Frostmourne hungers... let me sate its appetite."

...

"No words?" Artharius hissed. "Are you too good for banter? Your arrogance will be your undoing."

Link glanced at him in boredom... before drawing a slingshot.

Artharius cocked his head. "Hm? What trickery is this?"

... In the slingshot he placed a bomb.

Artharius' eyes widened behind the helmet. "W-What?! Ranged explosives?!"

Dark Link grinned, his smoke trails for eyes dancing above his cranium. He drew back the sling of the slingshot...

Artharius merely stood in silence himself, almost as if he were ready to taste his fate. "Curses. My only weakness. How did you know?"

Link merely shrugged, before -

FLING!.!.!

BOOOOOOM!.!.!

Blowing Artharius off the cliff and towards a raging battle below.

"NEEEERRRRRFFFF!.!.!"

Spike smirked. "Oh, and let's not forget the time he took down the Master of Stairs - right before his banishment to the real world..."

Almost a thousand years ago but not quite... somewhere in the Frozen North... again...

King Sombra grinned down at Dark Link. He stood upon a massive staircase jutting out of the snow that was nearly a quarter-mile long.

"Come at me, fool! How do you plan to get to me all the way up here?!" he cackled madly.

... So Link charged up the stairs.

"Try as you might! You'll never defeat my stairs of DOOM!" he called.

... Link continued to charge... he was now half-way up the stairs!

Sombra glanced at him worriedly. "Y-You'll tire soon! I know it!"

... Link was nearly at the top.

Sombra's eyes widened in horror.

"What?! NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! HOW COULD YOU KNOW MY ONLY WEAKNESS?! CURSE YOU CARDIO, CURSE YOU!.!.!"

SHIIIINGGGG!.!.!

The Overlord's Sword then had its fun.

"I don'y even think this is why he gets all the bitches, either... seriously - he gets all the bitches..."

Upon a scenic balcony hanging off of Necropolis, Link and a strange, impish ghoul-pony conversed.

"So then I'm all like: Trixie! Of course a few more spiders would be awesome in your mane! Just shove em' right in! But she's all like... noooo... I think I'll just get some blood and let it dry! Isn't that dumb, Link?"

...

Link merely nodded, taking another bite out of a (live) roach-covered rotten salad.

"I knew it!" she growled, before sighing dreamily, glancing right into his eyes. "You know, Link... sometimes I think you really get me. I guess it makes sense: all you ever do is listen. I wish more guys were like you..."

Link nodded again.

"Ahem!" a nearby skeletal waitress called. "Check for the Twilight Princess... Ms. Midna?"

"Over here!" the imp beamed, before winking at the Sinner of Time. "Come on Link... let's go back to my place for a bit..."

Dark Link raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

She rolled her eyes. "Not for that, silly! We're going to go baseball bat Zant's mailbox!"

Dark Link frowned.

"Theeeen we'll go for home!" she winked.

Dark Link nearly knocked his chair open as he leaped from the table.

"He just has that swag! I don't know what he does that's so special," Spike grumbled. "All he does is just... listen to them."

The Dead Six all raised their eyebrows at this, before a series of dreamy smiles came to their faces.

"Huh..." Twilight blinked.

"I-I guess I can see the appeal of him," Flutterfright said, before cooing, "A man who really pays attention to you... who listens to your inner thoughts and secrets... what a sourheart..."

"All ears, no mouth," Applemoon grinned.

Pinkie gave a sigh. "I'd visit - er I mean... haunt his dreams any night... maybe we could um - have a little midnight fun while we're-"

"OKOK, that's enough!" Spike groaned. "And here I thought I was supposed to be the devil's advocate. You all still want to help Darksong, right?"

"Er, right!" Twilight coughed.

"Of course!" Applemoon said, narrowing her eyes in determination. "Who doesn't love supporting the underwolf?"

Pinkie Slice blinked. "But how would you... um... support the one underneath you-" Suddenly, she nodded in realization. "Ooooohhhhhh... that kind of underwolf. Gotcha. I thought we were still talking about the other thing."

The group gazed at her oddly.

She glanced at them innocently.

"What?!" she protested.

"Er, nothin'," Applemoon sighed.

"I'm glad that lame joke was unintentional," Spike grunted.

Applemoon raised an eyebrow. "But how are we supposed to help Darksong when we're goin' to the real world? By the time we get back, Nightmare and him could be soul-locked or something!"

"Darksong could remain in the f-zone f-ever!" Pinkie cried.

"Literally in this case," Rainbow Death chuckled.

Fluttershy slammed a hoof into the ground. "We have to stop this! ... If it's alright with you guys."

Spike began to turn about. "Sounds good to me! A horrific effort! One worth the history books!" Spike smiled. "Now - you guys help ole Darky - I'll go back to sleep. Win-win, baby."

"No, Spike," Twilight grunted, holding him back with a bit of blackened magic.

He glanced at her in annoyance. "Ugh... why not?"

"Cus - I still need you to come with me to the real world."

"God damnit..."

"And I still gotta get my soul list finished..." Rainbow muttered. "You four are going to have to handle this yourselves."

"B-But - we need you, Twilight!" Applemoon cried. "You read books and stuff all the time - surely you may know how to spook a lady into likin' you from a guy's perspective!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Just be empathetic - haven't any of you ever dated before?"

...

The group thought to themselves.

"I've marked calendar dates down before!" Pinkie bounced. "Do those count? Hehehe... Elm Street haunting here... Elm Street haunting there...."

"No..." Twilight moaned. "Dated - as in - spent time with a member of the opposite sex - or same... whatever works... er, if they're kind-of guy-like like Rainbow."

"HEY!"

"Sorry..."

Rainbow stuck her tongue out. "Kind-of guy-like? Pffft - I've got all the bravado of a guy and all the digs of a lady! Who wants to arm wrestle?!"

"Can I do it in my real form?" Spike blinked.

Rainbow grinned at him. "... Yeah, if I can eat a bunch of souls for steroids, maybe."

"What, are they like your version of spinach or something?" Spike grunted.

"No, they're my version of steroids."

Spike rolled his eyes. "How many?"

Rainbow shrugged. "One thousand sound fair?"

Spike looked sheepish. "Er... right... I'll pass."

"Anyyyway... it's true... there aren't enough male ghouls to go around," Scarity mumbled. "Who here has dated one?"

"Well... um... I took Nosferatu to the Bogmorts' Yule Prom," Flutterfright squeaked. "I remember tasting each other's necro-blood..." She blushed red for a second. "H-Heh. His tasted like rotten raspberries." She licked her lips, a dreamy look in her eyes. "So delicious."

"Ok...." Twilight said, nodding slowly. "Do you know what Nosferatu did to win you over?"

"Oh... heh," Flutterfright giggled. "He just sort of asked me one day and... um... I think I almost feinted. It's kind of a blur."

Rainbow closed her eyes, sighing. "Right, anyghoul else?"

"Hmph, well... I did court a few in my time," Scarity said. "Though Prince Blackblood wasn't necessarily a 'real' man - I will say that."

"Huh - but did he put the moves on you?" Rainbow asked.

"Well... yes," Scarity said shamefully. "It wasn't my fault, though! He could be a horrifically charming Eldritch Abomination if he wished to... shame it was just a facade..."

"Well - at least you have a bit of knowledge that could help!" Twilight proclaimed. "Besides - romance novels were never my real thing - well, unless they involved killing the male after intercourse like the best spiders do."

"Hehe! Gotta love Black Widows!" Rainbow grinned wickedly. "What a way to go."

"Fine, alright - alright," Applemoon muttered. "We'll stay here and help Darksong help himself. But you better ask Jack Skelington how the werewolves in his part of the woods pull off their scares. I've been running dry on inspiration myself, ya know."

"Ooo - and ask him about Freddy Krueger!" Pinkie grinned. "He's my idol, really... though I kind of wonder if he's a legend or a myth..."

"And um," Flutterfright said shyly. "If you could ask for some tips on controlling bloodlust... I know he's not a vampire, but if he has any friends that are..."

"And if he knows how to pull off a decent poltergeist haunting!" Scarity smiled. "I'm trying something new this year."

"We will!" Twilight said, turning about and beginning to trot towards the room that housed the realm's many portals. "Good luck, you guys!"

"You too, Twilight!"

"Try not to become a ghoulsickle in Siberia!" Scarity called. "Undead flesh tends to freeze faster than the norm."

"Will do!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Yeah - yeah, enough with the goodbyes. Let's get this over with already!"

:"Hehehe - darn right," Rainbow Death girinned, her eyes narrowing. "Because if the fastest pegasus in Equestria proves to be just as fast a reaper, I'll have my list done in no time."