The Twelve Nights of Nightmare Night

by Silent Bob

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover
Length: 9524

A series of linked short stories set within the universe of The Nightmare Before Nightmare Night, a light parody of The Nightmare Before Christmas.

In a parallel dimension dedicated to the holiday of Nightmare Night and all things frightful, but kind, Twilight Soulshard, Lich Queen of Edeathstria has finally run out of fresh ideas to scare Ponyville, the town of Terrorsville's designated target for frights on Nightmare Night. Desperate for help, she seeks out an important figure in another realm dedicated to scares, one called 'Halloween' in the human world beyond a certain mirror, Jack Skellington. With Spike, she dares to go on a long-hoofed adventure to the Crystal Empire, the human world, and finally to Halloween Town and back.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Death prepares to try complete her 'reaping list' in plenty of time for her home holiday to spend more time with her friends. However, she may require a bit of help for this from her counterpart.

Also, Darksong Shadowbane, the Red and Black Alicorn and Most Feared Creature in All of Edeathstria gains the guidance of the rest of the Dead Six when it comes to trying to woo Nightmare Moon's loving heart horrible, festering heart.

Finally, Dr. Whoovenstein, shanghaied into fillysitting the Putrid Mark Crusaders, decides to take them and Derpy Stitched on a sight seeing tour… involving all of his favorite strange, wicked creatures of the Nightmare Realm. However, a group of Daleks and Weeping Angels may give him an unexpected surprise when they declare that they wish to take over the holiday, seeing themselves as superior in the art of fear.

Will the four groups be successful in their endeavors, or will Nightmare Night be a fright not be as horrible as they hoped?

~ A story set within the universe of the Nightmare Before Nightmare Night. You may or may not have to read it to get what's going on. Both are affectionate crossovers/parodies with/of The Nightmare Before Christmas and a slight bit of Whooniverse as well.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-07 02:08:32 UTC

Chapter I: Scaring is Caring

One year ago, in a world far but close,

A wise young ghoul realized what she dreaded the most,

That her holiday was stagnant, there was no room for growth,

Until a trip to the real world changed doom to hope.

From then on the new had come to this land of ghosts,

Games and joys that they never had host,

Yet despite it all their true purpose received many a toast,

And though she has changed inside and out...

In this area - my young Lich Queen could find no new boast...

Twilight Soulshard sat upon the dusty, termite-infested floor of her library, flipping through the pages of an overly-large textbook simply labelled: A Nightmare's Inspiration. She grimaced from time to time, winced at others, but mostly, simply uttered the words:

"Nonono! That won't do..."

She groaned, flipping to another page. Upon it was the image of a horrific, cracked skull screaming towards some terrified victim.

She merely rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? Shrieking skulls?! Been there, done that! Ugh - I know that maybe it'd be a new ideas for younglings, but this thing is supposed to be for ghouls new and old!"

The Lich Queen thought to herself for a second, then whimpered slightly. "Wait... I'm not even that old, either.... am I?"

She shook her head, quirked her head towards a nearby, cracked and cob-web hooked mirror (with a slight, horrific snapping sound emanating from her neck). A pale furred, mid-decayed face staring back at her - complete with two, pupiless, piercing white eyes.

She shrugged, smiling to herself. "Na - I still have looks."

The Lich Queen then sighed, however, before facing her book. "Do I just have too high of expectations? I don't think I do... Ugh - I'm supposed to be the leader of Nightmare Night yet I'm referring to his night-awful book..."

She then gulped, glancing out her window and towards the Everdead forest. In the distance, a gleaming, onyx obelisk hung over it: the Temple of the Doors.

The only gateway to the other holiday realms - and the real world.

"Oh no," she whispered. "What if my time on other side has tainted me more than it should have? What if my... my creative drive has somehow been altered? Perhaps I'm not getting enough inspiration - I have been slacking on the horror department lately." She then nodded reassuringly to herself. "Only one way to solve this: all night study session! I'll read all the classics! The Invisible Mare, the Legend of Sleepy Hayllow, Justin Beiber's biography! Bam! My mind will become an instant horror factory!"

Upon another thought, however, her smile became as dead as her face.

She closed her eyes in dread. "Or what if- what if it's true what I think? What if I'm trying to step it up because I know, I know now that Ponyville knows all about us - it'll be twice as hard to scare them! We're friends with them, for the night's sake! The greatest thing to fear is the unknown... and now we're known! Ugh!"

Finally, her head collapsed on her book. "Uggggh! I'm freaking myself out! I need some-"

"Black Soul Tea?" a voice chirped from the kitchen.

Twilight furrowed her brow, before shaking her head in disbelief. "No... it can't be."

"Oh Twilight..." the voice giggled, growing deeper and darker by the second. "You of all ponies should know... Death has a way of sneaking up on you."

Suddenly, as Twilight rolled her eyes, a brilliant puff of smoke billowed in front of her...

Yet nothing was there.

"H-Huh?"

She stood, puzzled at what was usually an indication of a certain ghoul's teleportation...

Before the same voice whispered in her ear:

"Boo."

"ACK!"

"HOOOOHAHAHAHA!"

She twirled about, her white eyes glaring upon the blackened, bemused ones of Rainbow Death.

"Seriously?!" Twilight snarked. "Shock horror?! You've really lost your edge..."

Rainbow Death merely smirked sarcastically. "I've lost my edge, huh?" she chirped, before twirling a newly sharpened scythe at blurring speeds. "I still got my edge, Twili. Dunno what you're talkin' bout. I totally got my first scare of the season on the LICH QUEEN! HOOOHAHAHA!"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "You didn't scare anyghoul."

"Your mouth says that, but your fur says otherwise," Rainbow giggled, sticking her tongue out.

Twilight lowered an eyebrow in confusion, before glancing at the same mirror as before. Suddenly, she realized her fur was sticking up on end.

"ACK!" she squealed, beginning to pat it down. "Alright - fine, ya got me - happy?! Happy to have embarrassed me?!"

...

Rainbow slowly raised an eyebrow, giving her a worried look. "H-Hey... sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just practicing, ya know? This is going to be our first Nightmare Night out spooking together, and I want to make it good!"

She glanced away from her, sniffing slightly. "Yeah... if I even go out this year..."

Rainbow furrowed her brow, before walking over to her side. "Hey... are you OK? You're not um... feeling the same way you were a year ago, right? I mean - not that that's a bad thing..." She simpered slightly. "Er- is it a bad thing? H-Heh?"

Twilight took a deep breath, before smiling slightly at her. "No... no it's more um - more 'normal' Nightmare Night related business..."

Rainbow blinked. "Like what? Did you lose Frostmourne or something?"

She frowned slightly. "No... it's in the closet where it belongs. Spike will be up in time..."

Rainbow continued to prod. "OK... are some of the town-ghouls giving you crap or something? I know some of them were kind of upset about last year... the douchey ones...." She then grinned, flying into the air with her single, black wing, and swinging her scythe. "Does Death need to guillotine a motha bucka?"

Twilight managed a painful chuckle. "No, it's just-"

"Ooo. Ooo. I know!" Rainbow bounced. "You're worried that I'll kill somepony this year again! Totally not going to happen! I'm planning on bringing a non-sharpened staff - all it'll do is possible leave a deep gash... which totally won't make them bleed out... cus... cauterization! I swe-"

...

Suddenly, Twilight took a deep breath and-

"I'M JUST HAVING TROUBLE FINDING INSPIRATION, OK?!"

Interrupted her with her patented 'demonic' voice.

... "Er, yeah," Rainbow grunted, fixing her pale mane. "Do I really need to be the one to say that this is a library?"

Twilight bowed her head in shame, before giving her an apologetic, sad look. "I-I'm sorry... I lost my temper. I guess I just-"

A hoof was brought over her mouth by a smiling Deathie. "Ya got stressed out? It's alright - scat happens. You're the leader of this sector of Nightmare Night - of course you'd be frustrated over this."

Twilight slowly returned the smile, as Deathie set a comforting wing over her.

"You're a lot more empathetic than you act like, ya know that, Ms. Reaper?"

"Pffft - yeah," Rainbow moaned. "Just don't tell anyghoul... or anypony for that matter. I get enough souls begging 'gimmie my body back' or 'd-don't you feel anything, Death?'... oh, and the best one 'blah blah should had died instead of me! He's a douche!' Every one in five reaps are like that. It's friggin' annoying - especially when they actually think there's a hell."

Twilight glanced at her curiously. "Between you and me... um... is there?-"

"Nope," Rainbow said, shaking her head. "Pisses me off, too. That's why I got into the whole locket business. You should always get what you deserved in the end... temporarily or permanently..."

She then gave a wicked grin, glancing down at her locket.

"Well... some of them do," Deathie cackled. "Cus I ain't just a reaper, I AM KARMA, BABY! HOOOOOHAHAHAHAHA!.!.!"

Soulshard rolled her piercing, white eyes. "Yuh huh- what do you even do to punish sinners besides lock them away, though?"

Deathie shrugged. "I eat them."

Twilight raised her eyebrows. "That's it?"

Rainbow put on a defensive look. "Well... it isn't really the most pleasant experience for them, you know. Heh - I remember there there was this one guy I reaped in the human mirror world, Adolf Reichstar or something... most evil bastard I ever had the displeasure of absorbing..."

Twilight glanced at her curiously. "Wait - what?"

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked. "Oh - he was the Chancellor of Germany - or dictator... I can't remember."

Twilight rapidly shook her head. "Nonono... what's this about the mirror world?"

Rainbow furrowed her brow. "Wait a minute - you mean you don't know about it?"

"Well, I know a little about it," Twilight explained. "Twilight Sparkle sent me a letter detailing her experience there. It was pretty interesting, but..." She gave Rainbow a baffled look. "Exactly how many worlds do you reap souls in?"

She glanced at Twilight curiously. "Just two, really. I was filling in for the human world's reaper at the time. I think she was on tour as a guest-guitarist for this band called Dethklok or something." She then chortled slightly. "Hehe... Dethklok... Death. Very funny, you jackass."

"So... you don't like him?" Twilight asked.

"It's a her," Rainbow said, groaning in annoyance. "I guess it's good for me, but fate seems to prefer having female reapers - ya know, it's more comforting to souls or something? Pffft - honestly, it's like the universe itself is kind of sexist! Or at least my boss is..."

"But what about her though - what's she like?" Twilight asked eagerly.

"Well - um," Rainbow said, puckering her lips in thought. "We don't really hang out that much - I mean - she's cool and all - but we're both extremely busy. She does the whole Halloween thing, too - their version of Nightmare Night. I think she's a native of Halloween Town, actually."

"Halloween Town?" Twilight said.

"Oh, come on, Twilight!" Rainbow groaned. "You've met Jack Skellington! He told you that story of his... you know the one about him stealing that Christmas holiday and stuff. The one where he sang the really catchy songs (that totally ripped off our's)!?"

"I know about that," Twilight whispered. "I just... he made it sound like Halloween was no longer going on."

"Na, he was just doing that for dramatic effect," Rainbow chuckled. "Halloween's still kickin' on the other side of the other side, baby. He still leads them like he does every year. Honestly, I think he's been around even longer than us."

Twilight slowly nodded, an odd twinkle in her eye. "Around longer than us, you say, huh?"

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah - Halloween's been goin' on a long time in one shape or another in the human world. It may not have always been 'Halloween', but those guys like being scared almost as much as ponies!"

"You don't say..." Twilight said, a scheming smile on her face.

"Of course I say! He's the friggin' Pumpkin King. Even Nightmare Moon draws inspiration from him, and she's like - a thousand years old!"

"So you're saying," Twilight said slowly. "He's honestly one of the foremost masters of fear anywhere to be found?"

"Well, I mean-" Rainbow said, scratching the back of her head. "He may not be as good as me, I am Death after all, but-"

Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized Twilight was no longer there.

"Woah - hey! Where are you going?"

"Expedition!" Twilight gasped, quickly creaking open the rotting front door and galloping out of it. "Come on - this will be exciting!"

"Wait... what?!" Rainbow said, her eyes widening as she fluttered to the Lich Queen's side. "Oh no! Please don't tell me you're thinking what I thinking you're thinking.... cus that's not thinking! That's um... well it is thinking - but it's bad thinking!"

"Oh come on, Rainbow! It'll be fun!" Twilight smirked. "We've never gotten to spend time on the other side together, yet!"

"I can't spend time on the other side with you, I've got my friggin' mile-long list to do! And I'm not exaggerating! IT'S A MILE-LONG!" Rainbow pouted. "I have two-hundred and forty-three thousand souls to reap with on a 450% slow down of temporal mechanics in my necrotic pocket dimension allotted to me!"

Twilight screeched to a halt, glancing at her in awe.

She sweat-dropped. "Er... yeah - I don't actually know what that means. I'm just repeating what I was told, but I got the message! I've got my work cut out for me if I want to spend more time on Nightmare's Eve here!"

Twilight closed her eyes, before nodding in understanding. "It's alright..." she sighed. "But will you at least accompany me to the real world? I'm sure Rainbow Dash would like to see you..."

Deathie stopped at that, almost as if a lightbulb (or perhaps in her case, a slimy green orb representing a tormented soul) appeared over her head. "Hmmm... Rainbow Dash, huh?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Deathie smirked. "Let's just say - I'm in!"

"Really?!" Twilight beamed, bouncing.

"Really really!"

"Really really really?!"

"Yep. HAH! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

"DAMN YOU!"

"PFFFT- ONLY GHOUL YOU CAN'T!"

...

The two took deep breaths....

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO!"

And the two sped off to gather their friends.

Chapter II: Link and Split

An odd couple, wouldn't you say?

Death and Undeath challenging the hoof of fate,

And with me in their sights they made their way,

To where no tree ever saw the gate.

However, the energies required to move to and fro,

Would mean once again they'd need a certain dragon's go,

Summoning Frostmourne they made their way into the woods,

After gathering their four friends the best they could...

"Oooo, are you guys feeling wretched?! I'm feeling wretched! We're going to see Jack Skellington! He's like the coolest Jack there is! Better than Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Jack Harness, Captain Jack O'Neill, maybe not as cool as Samurai Jack, but you get where I'm going with this, right?! This is going to be so horribly horrible I can practically taste the filth!"

The rest of the Dead Six sighed, as Pinkie rambled on, bouncing into the Everdead Forest. Trees that seemed long overdue for decay stood around them, with ancient whispers echoing through their forms.

"Er, yeah," Applemoon grunted, her yellow, Lycan eyes scanning about - pleased by the wretched scenery. "Are you sure about this, Twilight? Cus I know Ponyville accepted us with open arms, but what about that whole division of worlds thing? Plus - we'll be goin' other places than just Ponyville..."

"It's just a guideline, not a law," Twilight chirped. "Besides, they know about us now! And it's not likely we're going to be announcing our presence or anything. We just need to contact Twilight Sparkle and see what she can do about letting us use the Great Mirror."

"We're gonna meet humans!" Pinkie grinned. "A quarter of our music comes from the human world! They make the most horrible of all! Vinyl has nearly sixteen Justin Beiber tracks, and her Dave Matthews Band CD nearly drove us all insane last year! It was awesome!"

"Mmmm," Flutterfright purred. "I-I suppose I wouldn't mind meeting Justin Beiber... he is the human world's god of terror, isn't that right?" Her eyes flashed a pure white for a brief second. "His blood would taste as good as liquid gold. I mean - um, if he allows me to drink it, that is..."

"Still..." Scarity mumbled. "I don't know how we're supposed to be... 'oblique' in the human world any more than we're supposed to do so in Equestria. We know nothing about them save for their rather... bland fashion sense. Their clothing could use a few cobwebs and fish net stockings..."

"S-Speaking of that," Flutterfright peeped. "How are we supposed to get to Halloween Town?"

"Oh, that's easy," Twilight beamed. "Its gateway is located in a place called Siberia! It can't be too far from the United States, right? Besides, Rainbow says I should be able to sense its location."

"Yeah..." Rainbow grunted. "Still - Twilight, it's a really long trip... and only I'll be able to use magic on that side of the gate. My teleportation thing only works for me."

"I'll have Spike with us," Twilight shrugged. "Maybe he could fly us?"

"True..." Rainbow said skeptically. "I mean - I'm not really sure what he'd become when shooting across the mirror, though."

"I can't wait to see the little darling," Scarity grinned. "He's always adorable - his cute little bones and horrible, necrotic breath. It's to die for. How close are we to his summoning spot?"

"Look no further," Twilight winked, as the group entered a large clearing. "This is it."

"Oooo, can I sing the song this time?!" Pinkie beamed, bouncing. "Please please please please please?!"

"You sing, I'll do the magic," Twilight smiled, levitating Frostmourne before her.

"Yeeeees!" Pinkie beamed, before taking a deep breath, and singing a beautiful, though haunting melody: its harmonics echoing through the woods and beyond...

"Through the somber eventide...

Through the moonlit skies...

From the eastern mountain sides...

*COME FORTH. I. CRY!"*

"AND HERE. WE. GO!" Twilight cackled.

At that, Twilight narrowed her eyes and magically shoved Frostmourne into the frozen ground, sending a red, jagged line of energy outwards underneath it towards the edge of the clearing and beyond. About ten seconds later, a loud, surreal roar could be heard echoing from miles away.

"Uh oh - he sounds cranky," Pinkie gulped.

"Oh, he'll be fine," Rainbow muttered. "So he's missing two weeks of sleep. He can suck it up like the rest of us."

"Yeah but..." Applemoon coughed. "None of us really need to sleep... well, save for Pinkie and FlutterFright."

Pinkie Slice giggled maniacally, swinging a hoof with a strange, silver-clawed glove upon her hoof in front of a wicked grin. "And that's only for... practicing. Hehehe... gotta keep Luna busy, ya know."

"Still planning on hitting Elm Street again?" Rainbow grinned.

"Of course," Pinkie cackled. "It wouldn't be Nightmare Night without their favorite nightmares, would it? My influence in the real world is... worth the wait."

"Hey, shush ya'll," Applemoon called, one of her long, pointed ears poking upward. "I hear somethin'."

At that, The group stood motionless, gazing with anticipation into the distance as a series of loud, whooshing noises echoed towards them. Soon, their origin could be seen - two, massive skeletal wings attached to the body of snarling, vicious looking bone dragon. His length was longer than the tallest tree, and his two, yellow lights glowing within empty eye sockets as luminous and ethereal as a leopard's on an eventide hunt.

"UGH - FRIGGIN' REALY?!" the bone dragon's booming, titanic voice came. "SECOND YEAR IN A ROW! Night damnit I'm never getting a full-cycle's sleep, am I?"

"Hey, Spike!" the group called.

"Yeah yeah yeah," he mumbled, before finally situating himself above the clearing, the flapping of his wings kicking up dust and dead twigs. "I better hear a damned good reason why you woke me up. And it better not be because you need the portal charged! Do you know how exhausting that is?! I feel like taking a month long nap after just ten minutes of holding that thing open!"

Flutterfright couldn't help but sink downward in fright. "Um... well..."

"It might be... something close," Applemoon said sheepishly.

The bone dragon rolled his eyes, sighing. "Greaaaaat...."

"By the night," Twilight smirked, showing absolutely no fear at his titanic sight. "Someone's cranky, huh?"

Spike gave her a blank look. "Twilight, I'm like - a thousand years old. In old man terms this isn't playing on my lawn, this is pissing on it. Seriously."

"Oh come on, we're about to go on a journey!" Twilight beamed. "Cus it's adventure time! Come with your friends!"

"We'll travel to most... distant lands!" Pinkie bounced.

"With Apple the wolfmare!" Applemoon chirped.

"And Death the... Death..." Rainbow Death blinked.

"The fun will never end! It's Adventure Time!"

Spike nodded slowly. "Did you all rehearse that? Cus if so - shame on you. Shame."

"But we're gonna scare a bunch of mortals!" Pinkie pleaded.

"And meet Jack Skellington, the PUMPKIN KING. Dun dun dun..." Rainbow smiled.

"NO!"

The six gave him shimmering, pleading eyes.

...

"... Yeah, I'm going back to bed."

He began to turn about, as the group gave a cry of protest.

"Oh, come on, Spike!" Twilight growled. "You've been to the other side before! It wasn't so bad!"

"I'm a little cautious too, but you shouldn't throw in the towel that quick!" Applemoon called.

"Cautious doesn't describe it," Spike muttered, turning back to face them. "Every time I've been to the other side something horrible's happened. Horrible in a bad way - like, me getting blown up ten times by Horsey Douchebag Bucking Link!"

"Seriously?" Rainbow Death said, lifting a skeptical eyebrow. "For one, I thought you made peace with that guy. For two - you're like - two hundred feet long and can shoot green, death-inducing vapors... which I love by the way. How are you so scared of just one pony?"

Suddenly, Spike's eye twitched. With a flap of his wings, he thundered towards her, his skull for a head an inch away from her's.

"Just... one pony? JUST. ONE. PONY?! Sounds like you need some edumucation, Death. Let me tell you a story..."

"Yayyyy, flashbacks!" Pinkie beamed.

Shimmer-shimmer-shimmer-shimmer...

"Once upon a time, five hundred years ago, Spike wanted to visit the real world for poops and giggles. He didn't want to cause much trouble - just burn down some houses or two...."

A thousand lantern lights licked off the dragon's bones as he swooped over a large, fishing village. He grinned, swooping towards the center of town, unimpeded in his evil quest...

"Hey Spike! You gonna light the bon-fire now?!" a village person called.

"Yeah, you got it!" he grinned.

... To ignite a small town block of old houses that needed to be deconstructed, anyway.

The town's residents watched with glee as the show started, an inferno before them.

"Alright, remember the plan!" Spike called. "I'm going to keep the fire going for a bit, then extinguish it by sucking away the air with more fire! SOLVING PROBLEMS WITH SCIENCE... AND FIRE! FIRE SOLVES EVERYTHING!"

"You rock, Spike the Horrible Bone Dragon of Doom!" the children of the village cried.

"You rock, too, children of the village. You rock, too," Spike smiled.

...

"Everything was going according to plan - everypony was happy, and I was happy cus I got to light stuff on fire. It was a grand time. But douchebags... well... douchebags always have a tendency to make everything go to shit."

"STOP RIGHT THERE, DRAGON SCUM!" an overly-heroic voice called from the outskirts of town. "I WARNED YOU BEFORE NOT TO SET... GIANT... CLAWED... FOOT... THING IN THIS LAND AGAIN! NOW, IT'S TIME TO PAY!"

"Oh god... no. God damnit. God damnit!

"Wait, Link!" cried the village people. "He's only here to help!"

Link narrowed his eyes in spite. "More victims of the dragon's mind control. What foul deeds will you not commit, hell beast?!"

"Well... um..." Spike winced in mock-thought. "Jay-walking?I dunno."

Link's eyes widened. "I'm surprised you have an ounce of dignity, but that still doesn't excuse the sins you've wrought! IT'S TIME TO SUCK BOMB, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

He whipped out a series of bombs.

Spike gulped... somehow.

"NO. NO! NOT THE BOMBS! NOT THE BOMBS!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

And Spike was blown into a million bones.... as the village slowly burned to the ground.

"Link, you foal! He was the only one who could have put out the fire!" the town's mayor cried.

Link merely nodded humbly, as if his words had completely bounced off him. "You can thank me later, village leader! It's all in a days work."

And Link galloped off into the distance... away from the screaming.

"Bombs..." Spike sighed. "My only weakness. But yeah - even if Link has apologized, that guy's still an idiot. He may turn on me again at moment's notice - then there's other so-called heroes..."

"Spike, you're acting like a mortal next to a giant spider," Applemoon grunted. "Just shrink down to lizard-size or whatever, hang with us, and you won't have to worry about big-bad-Link."

Spike contemplated this for a moment, before finally, he reluctantly bowed his head. "If I don't do this, I'm going to be nagged all Nightmare Night, right? I mean - what exactly do you all want to go to the other side for? To meet Jack Skellington? That's a long trip... just wait until he visits again."

The group remained silent, as Twilight gazed at the ground, her glowing eyes dimming ever so-slightly. "I... could just use a bit of guidance from him, is all."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "This is more than just a trip, isn't it?"

Twilight glanced away. "Well - I mean, it's stupid really... I've just been running out of ideas lately. You don't have to if you-"

"Na, it's cool," Spike grinned, now the size of a lizard, hovering before her. "Sorry - I had no idea this was more than just some silly trip. Of course I'll do it if it means something to you."

"Awwwww...."

Twilight couldn't help but smile warmly at him. "And I'll protect you from big bad Link, if need be."

He took a deep breath. "Alright - maybe you'll stand a chance against him, I guess. Just look sympathetic enough that he won't want to hurt you while sicking a bunch of zombies on him! Beeya!"

"I really don't think that's going to work," Rainbow Dash muttered. "But come on, let's get goin'. Time's a wastin' - heh, save for all the dead ponies I have to reap still. You know - cus they're dead? Hehe."

Applemoon suddenly gave a grunt. "Oh wait - I went and forgot. Apple Doom and the Crusaders were supposed to be stayin' at my place for the weekend. I can't leave them all alone with Big Macinslash. He'll go nuts! I'm going to need someghoul to-"

"Ugh - by the drums! I swear, if you three don't stop calling me Dr. Doofusstein, I'm going to show you just how far the TERRORDIS can travel! The beginning of time sounds good... they say it'd drive anyghoul mad!"

"We're just joking, Doctor! Jeez!"

"Yeah - get that stick out of your flank!"

The first voice snarled. "After what you three almost did, you'll be lucky I don't pull it out and beat you with it!"

"Ewwwwwwww....

"Hehehe - you really aren't much of a kid person, are you?"

"Shut up, Derpy..."

The seven friends turned, glancing at the ruffling of a thicket of thorns.

"Well - that was coincidental," Applemoon blinked.

"Dr. W-Whoovenstein?" Flutterfright stuttered.

"Yeah - it's me," the growling doctor said, his grey, vicious looking form waddling out of the brush, his eyes a piercing red - a surefire indication he in the worst of worst moods. "And I brought the Putrid Mark Brats with me. I heard you three were coming this way, so I had Apple Doom sniff you out."

At that, the three Crusaders leaped out of the bush, grinning, as Apple Doom let loose an adorable little wolf howl. "Ooo - girls, did I get my Putrid Mark in tracking?!"

The two shook their heads sorrowfully, causing her to sigh. "Dawww...."

"Er - This is a bit unexpected, Dr. Whoovenstein," Twilight stated.

Applemoon raised an eyebrow. "Yeah - what are ya doin' here?"

"I'm just here to give you back these three," he growled. "And to make sure you keep an eye on them - because I'm sure not about to. I caught these three trying to steal the TERRORDIS! THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME THIS CYCLE!"

"Nuh uh!" Scootaweb said, clicking her mandibles in disapproval.

"Yeah! We just wanted to borrow it," Rotten Belle frowned. "For science!"

The group gave them a blank look, yet they didn't seem at all taken aback.

"What in the world were you girls trying to do?" Applemoon sighed.

"Simple!" Apple Doom smiled. "Let's tell em, girls!"

Three deep breaths...

"PUTRID MARK CRUSADER SCARY ALTERNATE TIMELINE CREATORS!"

"We were going to try to make a universe where Equestria is ruled by Weeping Angels! Awesome, huh?!" Scootaweb beamed.

Dr. Whoovenstein facehoofed. "By the drums - and I thought I hated kids enough already. However, these three have raised it to a new level I never thought possible. Congratulations, girls!"

"Thanks, Dr. Doofesstein!" they chirped.

"Ugh..."

"Hehe - they like you!" the stitched together being that was... well... Derpy Stitched cooed, before winking at the group. "Don't let the dark Doctor fool you, he's into kids, really!"

"Yes, kids who have IQs higher than the amount of legs that one has," Dr. Whoovenstein muttered, pointing at a sheepish Scootaweb. "Someghoul needs to teach these girls a few things! For one: never mess around with time! EVER! For two: never mess Dr. Whoovenstein's things! EVER! For doing either of the two means you're messing with DR. WHOOVENSTEIN! AND YOU NEVER DO THAT! EVER!"

"Hmmm - teaching though... maybe you could, darling," Scarity's ethereal, ghostly voiced called.

"I'd rather have them succeed in creating a universe around where I'm not around to fix incompetence!" Dr. Whoovenstein snapped.

"Come on, Doc," Applemoon smiled. "Listen - we'll be headin' on a little journey for a time being, and we need someghoul to watch out after the girls. They seem to have taken a liking to you, so..."

Dr. Whoovenstein was already walking away, huffing, "Yep. Go to hell... though you'd probably enjoy that."

"Oh, come on, Doctor!" Derpy Stitched cried. "You didn't even ask how long they'd be away!"

"It's probably two seconds too long," he called. "I have better things to do then to sit around, babysitting these three little brats and...." He suddenly paused, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "And taking them on possibly... life threatening adventures."

"THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!" the Crusaders marveled.

The mad Doctor twirled about, smirking at the seven.

"Actually - perhaps I was acting a bit rash," he smiled. "A bit rash indeed. Alright - I'll foalsit them, if you really need me to, but I want to continue my explorations of the Nightmare Realm - its time and space - ALL OF IT, muahahaha - and if they get hurt, I want no responsibility for it."

"Yeah... this isn't going to end bad at all," Spike muttered.

"Sounds good to me, Doc!" Applemoon beamed.

"Me as well - I dare say you will give them a wicked time they'll never forget!" Scarity chimed.

"Oh, of course... of course," Dr. Whoovenstein giggled.

"Guys - time is reaping," Rainbow Death pouted. "I really really really need to get going or my boss is going to somehow find a way to kill me.."

"Alright," Twilight nodded. "Let's get a move on, shall we?"

"You got it," Applemoon nodded, before glancing at the Crusaders once again. "You three don't cause no trouble for the evil Doctor now, will ya?"

"We won't!"

"Ooooh, I'm sure they won't be any trouble at all," Dr. Whoovenstein chuckled, leading the bouncing trio away.

His eyes narrowed.

"At least - not after long."

Chapter III: Darksong Goes Emo

After a good hour of trotting (and flying), the Dead Six and their dragon companion eventually arrived in the shadow of the Temple of the Doors, a massive black obelisk that towered over the already towering trees of Everdead. However, something immediately seemed amiss. The temple seemed to have no indication anyghoul had been home for quite a while: no melted candles by the door, and of course, a lack of cob-web.

"Huh - did Darksong take a vacation?" Rainbow Death pondered.

"Does Darky even take vacations?" Pinkie giggled. "He's one heck of a shut-in, you know." Her ears then sagged slightly. "I was in his dreams once... he seemed pretty lonely - so I gave him a wicked nightmare and that cheered him up!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm - how long ago was this, Pinkie?"

"Beats the non-existent pants off me!" she shrugged. "Maybe a few months ago?"

"Huh," Twilight pondered.

Applemoon gazed at her curiously. "Any idea whether or not he'll be able to help us?"

"I don't know," Twilight said. "I hope..." She then shook her head. "Let's just see if he's home or not."

With that, the group nodded and made their way up to the door. Twilight quickly pushed the door-bell, and out of nowhere came a most horrible sound:

"CRAWWWWLING IN MY SKINNNNN!

THESE WOUNDS! THEY WILL! NOT HEAAAAAL!

FEAR IS WHAT I LOVE...

CONFUSING WHAT IS REALLLL OOOOOO...."

"Oh god!" Spike shrieked, covering his ears. "That's definitely a recording of Darksong singing!"

"I know, and It's horrible!" Pinkie beamed, bouncing and singing along with it.

"Bleh - Linkin' Park," Scarity mumbled. "How uncoof - he must be in a depressive mood or something."

"Pffff - Darksong?" Rainbow giggled. "In a depressive mode? Next you'll tell me he isn't an overpowered red and black alicorn who looks like he crawled out of some novice author's ass. Seriously - the guy has nothing to be sad about - nothing at all..."

"Save for maybe a broken heart," Twilight whispered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

They group waited another few minutes, but Darksong did not come to the door.

"Huh... he's usually very punctual," Twilight said.

"Cus he's eager to brag about how much flank he's 'kicked' over the years, probably," Spike mumbled.

"Spike!" Twilight snapped. "Give him a break - he's a Royal Sentry - he doesn't get to see people very often and I doubt he has anything going for him besides the whole 'horrific deeds' business."

"Ugh - you and your empathy," Spike grunted. "That's soooo two hundred years ago."

"Shush, you horrible little sociopath," Twilight said.

"Compliments will get you nussing," he winked.

"Alright, alright," Applemoon moaned. "We didn't come all this way for nothing - I say we let ourselves in."

"Bit unpolite, don't you think?" Scarity said. "This is where he lives."

"Pfffft- come on, Scarity the scaredy ghost," Rainbow grinned.

"I fear nothing," she stated, narrowing her eyes. "Not even Death."

"That's what all ghosts say, but it's usually the opposite," Rainbow smirked.

Scarity flushed red. "Why - how dare you! I became a ghost to-"

"STOP!" Twilight roared, before grinning sheepishly. "Sorry - just wanted to put out that fire before it spread."

"Hmph."

"Applemoon's right, though - it'd be stupid to come all this way for nothing," Twilight stated. "Besides - Darksong is a nice guy - he won't mind."

"Fine... very well," Scarity sighed.

And so the group entered.

The temple was pitch-black, comforting to the group, who could all easily see within it. Still, a little light was usually a standard feature of most Nightmare Realm building - yet none could be seen.

But something could be heard.

"I sense there's something in... the wind...

It's like the words would be a sin...

And so it's done before the start...

There's no room in her astral heart...

The worst should go yet it still stays...

And does she notice my feelings for her?

And will she see... how much she means to me?

I think it's not... to be...

What will we be while darkness reigns?

When time forever slits our veins?

And though I'd like to stand by her...

And be the one she could refer...

Try as I might it will not last...

And will we ever end up together?

No, I think not, it's never to become...

For I am not the one..."

The group paused, stunned.

"By the night... that was so beautifully horrible..." Scarity proclaimed.

"Darksong really can sing when he wants to!" Pinkie bounced.

Spike smirked. "Not too shabby, I guess..."

"I want to rip out his vocal chords and make love to them," Rainbow whispered.

Twilight shot her a look.

She did a double take. "What!? Your voice is cool, too, but damn- his is just... sexy."

"It's almost like it isn't his voice at all," Pinkie whispered in awe. "It's almost as if the sexiest voice of all - our god's, perhaps - maybe even our controller - has suddenly leaped into his body to give this gift to our ears... what we've just heard was something that nobody should have heard. I don't know how this has effected me yet, but I know it will... far into the future."

"Alright, enough about his voice already!" Twilight growled. "Did you hear what he was singing?! Have you ever seen him that depressed?"

The group sagged their heads.

"Twilight's right. We should go talk with em' - try to cheer him up. Our trip can wait," Applemoon nodded.

"Oh night damnit," Spike moaned. "And I guess my pre-Nightmare Night nap can wait, too, huh?"

"Spike..."

"Alright, alright!" he cried defensively. "I'm just not good at the whole... comforting thing."

"Welcome to my world," Death muttered.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Who rejected Darksong, anyway?" He raised the other. "For that matter, ... who would even give Darksong a chance?"

"SPIKE!" Twilight yelped. "That's mean! Come on, ghouls, we can do this with or without him!"

"TO THE ANTI-FRIENDZONED MOBILE!" Pinkie roared.

At that, they galloped forward to the rescue.

... And Spike face-clawed. "Ugh - why do I have to be such a dick?" He tilted his head to the side, before giggling. "Oh yeah - because it's fun! WOOT WOOT!"

Darksong's bedroom was more of a trophy room than anything. In it were a collection of valuables taken from his exploits - the skull of a creature referred to only as a 'Hug Monster', the helmet of Artharius of Winter, the Lich King of Ice Crown who once tried to take the Nightmare Realm for his own long ago, a bit of fur from the Grinch, a dreaded beast in the Hearth's Warming Eve Realm, which he swore he tore off with his teeth, and finally - the eye-stalks of two Daleks - cyborg-like creatures that lived in the Nightmare Realm that occasionally couldn't resist a murder spree...

The door to it creaked open, and one by one the Dead Six poked their heads within (somehow). Darksong lay his bed, gazing at a small picture... of none other than him and Nightmare Moon dancing at the grand party in Ponyville after last Nightmare Night.

"Ugh... how could Darksong just freeze up like that," Darksong wept. "One thousand years of life, yet... how has Darksong gone on a date before... or kissed a lady? He's like... the most powerful loser ever..."

"You're not a loser, Darky!" Pinkie called.

"Yeah, dude! What's wrong?!" Rainbow called.

Darksong barely turned his head. "Visitors? Go away... Darksong wishes to be alone."

"We heard you singing, though!" Applemoon called. "It was pretty wicked, darlin'."

Spike stuck his head through the door as well. "Even I thought it was alright... still wasn't great - pitch was of once and a while but-"

CRACK!

He was quickly elbowed by Twilight.

"OUCH!" he cried. "And seriously - friggin' night(!) - I'm made of bones - why do they have pain receptors?!"

"Darksong doesn't wish to talk about it..." Darksong mumbled. "Just state your business and leave, please..."

"Well, we came to use the portal," Spike grunted.

"B-But then we heard you singing!" Flutterfright called. "It was mystical - the song of a vampire luring in prey..."

The group glanced at her strangely.

"To um... hug?"

They shrugged.

He sighed. "Darksong seeks no prey... for this day forth he's retired from all forms of public service..."

"But you're immortal, dude!" Rainbow called. "You're gonna get bored! I dunno what I'd do without my friends and Twilight around..."

"Darksong doesn't care," he muttered. "Please just use the portal and get out of Darksong's overpowered mane."

"This is about Nightmare Moon, isn't it?" Twilight said sympathetically, trotting over to him.

...

Darksong remained silent.

"What happened, Darky - we want to help!"

...

There was a moment, before he eventually sighed and turned his head, his eyes looking as if they were filled with tears (that happened to be made of blood).

"Darksong..." Darksong coughed. "Ever since last Nightmare Night - with the party in Ponyville... Darksong - I mean, I... couldn't take my mind off of Nightmare. It had been such a long time since I've had fun like that... and I think it was half because of her."

FLASH

One year ago, Darksong and Nightmare Moon gleefully bobbed for apples. Eventually, the two accidentally grabbed the same one, their lips making contact.

They immediately blushed, repelling from the bobbing station.

"Ehehehehe!" Nightmare giggled. "Darksong - there's plenty of apples for the both of us, you know..."

"S-Sorry," Darksong gulped.

She then gave him a sultry wink. "But I suppose I could always share."

With an apple in her mouth, she flung herself over to a very awkward Darksong, placing the other half in his mouth while beginning to nibble.

"Heat Hup!" she managed to say.

FLASH!

"She was the first who ever seemed to enjoy Darksong's company... most of the time Darksong can't seem to keep people around him when he gets into his stories... yet she... she was different. She was... patient with Darksong and his MIGHTY, OVERPOWERED social awkwardness -  for despite his skills with all manner of combat, the dance floor proved to be a worthy opponent."

Darksong awkwardly, and stiffly shuffled his legs on the dance floor, as the Baha Ghouls nearby sang:

"Who let the dogs out?!

WOLF! WOLF-WOLF-WOLF!"

Nearby, Slendermane was already dancing like a champ.

"GO SLENDERMANE! GO SLENDERMANE! IT'S YO BIRTHDAY!"

"The Slendermane doesn't even have a date of birth," Darksong muttered enviously.

"Darksong, get over here!" Nightmare Moon giggled. "And quit stressin' over dancing - seriously. You gotta relax. LOOSY, GOOSY, BABY! Don't think too much about it and you might be able to do THIS!"

At that, Nightmare Moon did a triple backlip (without wings), spun about on the dance floor, and landed in a sexy pose.

Darksong's jaw hit the ground.

"Ehehe - alright, I might have taken a few dancing classes from Moonwalker, but still! Come over here with me... please."

He did a double take, before quickly nodding. "Er- yes! Darksong approves of this debauchery!"

"Beautiful, baby!"

FLASH!

"However, when Darksong began visiting Nightmare Moon in her castle, still too nervous to... court her, she made the first move... and Darksong failed to respond."

"Say, Darksong..." Nightmare said, circling a hoof into the floor as the duo reviewed plans for the next Nightmare Night to come. "Listen - we've been hanging out a lot lately, and well... I'm starting to really like you. Heh - it's funny really - we've been around for like a thousand years and we've barely ever spoken."

To Darksong's surprise, she suddenly scooted near him.

"So um... what would you say if we became more than friends?" she asked hopefully. "I'm new to the whole dating thing - the mare asks the stallion, right? Or is it the other way around?"

She then shrugged. "Ah, screw it - let's make out!"

Suddenly, to Darksong's horror (and beating, undead heart), her muzzle launched towards him...

Yet by the time it reached him, he was already gone.

"Darksong?!" Nightmare cried, eyeing him galloping out of the room.

He shook his head. "D-Darksong needs to go! He is... not sure about this!"

Nightmare Moon gazed at him, utterly confused, before shaking her head. "F-Fine... sorry I asked..."

FLASH!

"And thus - Darksong committed the ultimate act of self-destruction, more than when he suicide-bombed Princess Trollestia's zeppelin... even if he regenerated by leeching from her soul... but you get Darksong's point." He plopped down on the bed, tears forming in his eyes once again. "Darksong is not the most fearsome creature, he is the biggest failure in all of Edeathstria!"

"Yeah, kind of," Spike nodded. "I mean - dude, what the hell were you-"

CRACK!.!.!

"AAAACK!"

Twilight elbowed him hard enough he almost shattered.

"Alright..." he wheezed. "No more talky..."

"Darksong..." Twilight whispered. "What happened? I thought you... really really liked her?"

"Darksong - I... felt fear for the first time, then," he whispered, wiping away a few tears. "I was afraid I was not good enough for her - a being as energetic as the stars above dating plane, old me..."

"Don't say that!" Pinkie cried. "You have a kinky personality! And you're adorable!"

"Y-You mean I'm not fearsome?!" Darksong cried, tears regenerating in his eyes.

"Adorable to mares, darling," Scarity said. "Though I'm sure all manner of brainless undead will fear the sight of you, some mares like dating... um... extreme introverts like yourself - it makes them feel good that they're making a horribly positive impact in someghoul's life."

"Y-You really mean it?" Darksong whispered.

"Duh, dude!" Death called. "We were all betting on you hooking up with her after Nightmare Night!"

"You all owe me twenty bits, by the way," Spike grinned.

"Y-You should ask her out again - e-explain what happened," Flutterfright smiled. "She would understand."

...

Darksong hung his head. "T-That is impossible now..."

"Huh, why?!"

"She has found another."

Twilight's eyes widened. "What?! Seriously?! How did I not find out my mentor's been dating someghoul?!" Suddenly, she cried into the heaven: "MOONY! YOU GOT SOME SPLAININ' TO DO!"

"Who's she dating, though?" Applemoon asked.

...

Darksong took a deep breath. "Naturally, it's Darksong's rival."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Horsey Douchebag Dark Link."

The group gasped, though Spike merely grinned.

"THIS TWIST! THIS TWIST IS SO AWESOMELY CLICHE THAT I APPROVE!"

Chapter IV: An Act of Ill Will

"Girls, huddle yonder!" Twilight called.

"Right!"

As Darksong continued to mope in his room, the group of spooky, scary mares gathered in the hall outside of his room, Spike with a look of pure dread on his face.

"Oh lord of the nocturnal, please don't tell me you're all going to get sidetracked helping Darksong..." he moaned.

"But sidequests gain you extra experience points!" Pinkie bounced.

The group gazed at her blankly.

"Wait - what?" Rainbow Death grunted.

"What a terrible night to ignore such things," she said, narrowing her eyes.

Spike nodded... slowly. "Right then, aside from Pinkie Slice's somewhat wickedly awesome insanity, you guys realize who you're going up against, right? Horsey Douchebag Dark Link is only douchebag in name! Seriously, this dude is a badass! Even I gotta give him props."

Twilight was forced to reluctantly nod in agreement. "It's true... I mean - he does have all the qualities Darksong has and more... he's immortal - in a weird sort of way, he's good at killing things that are trying to kill other things... um... well,  that's pretty much it."

"Seriously?!" Applemoon grunted. "Darksong's a nice guy - shouldn't that make up for it? Dark Link doesn't even talk!"

"Obviously you need to get to know your fellow rotting females, Applelicious," Spike grinned. "Twilight isn't giving him enough credit. I mean, really - we're talking about the guy who helped take down the Lich King!"

Nearly One Thousand Years Ago... atop an icy citadel in the north...

"You dare challenge death itself, Horsey Dark Link?" Artharius hissed, his metallic, humanoid form looming over him. Around the citadel, two armies: one led by Nightmare, and another under the control of Artharius, clashed. "Blight of Time or not... even you will yield to entropy..."

SHIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!.!.!

Slowly, but menacingly, he drew Frostmourne, the huge,  metallic sword slowly, somehow absorbing snowfall - as if each snowflake held its own spirit that was sucked in.

"Shall I do the universe's work for it? Shall I provide a cold even the North can't?"

He twirled his sword, before glaring at Link, his hideous, blue eyes shining through his blackened, ancient helmet. Link merely stood stoic as Artharius gestured forth.

"Come now... Frostmourne hungers... let me sate its appetite."

...

"No words?" Artharius hissed. "Are you too good for banter? Your arrogance will be your undoing."

Link glanced at him in boredom... before drawing a slingshot.

Artharius cocked his head. "Hm? What trickery is this?"

... In the slingshot he placed a bomb.

Artharius' eyes widened behind the helmet. "W-What?! Ranged explosives?!"

Dark Link grinned, his smoke trails for eyes dancing above his cranium. He drew back the sling of the slingshot...

Artharius merely stood in silence himself, almost as if he were ready to taste his fate. "Curses. My only weakness. How did you know?"

Link merely shrugged, before -

FLING!.!.!

BOOOOOOM!.!.!

Blowing Artharius off the cliff and towards a raging battle below.

"NEEEERRRRRFFFF!.!.!"

Spike smirked. "Oh, and let's not forget the time he took down the Master of Stairs - right before his banishment to the real world..."

Almost a thousand years ago but not quite... somewhere in the Frozen North... again...

King Sombra grinned down at Dark Link. He stood upon a massive staircase jutting out of the snow that was nearly a quarter-mile long.

"Come at me, fool! How do you plan to get to me all the way up here?!" he cackled madly.

... So Link charged up the stairs.

"Try as you might! You'll never defeat my stairs of DOOM!" he called.

... Link continued to charge... he was now half-way up the stairs!

Sombra glanced at him worriedly. "Y-You'll tire soon! I know it!"

... Link was nearly at the top.

Sombra's eyes widened in horror.

"What?! NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! HOW COULD YOU KNOW MY ONLY WEAKNESS?! CURSE YOU CARDIO, CURSE YOU!.!.!"

SHIIIINGGGG!.!.!

The Overlord's Sword then had its fun.

"I don'y even think this is why he gets all the bitches, either... seriously - he gets all the bitches..."

Upon a scenic balcony hanging off of Necropolis, Link and a strange, impish ghoul-pony conversed.

"So then I'm all like: Trixie! Of course a few more spiders would be awesome in your mane! Just shove em' right in! But she's all like... noooo... I think I'll just get some blood and let it dry! Isn't that dumb, Link?"

...

Link merely nodded, taking another bite out of a (live) roach-covered rotten salad.

"I knew it!" she growled, before sighing dreamily, glancing right into his eyes. "You know, Link... sometimes I think you really get me. I guess it makes sense: all you ever do is listen. I wish more guys were like you..."

Link nodded again.

"Ahem!" a nearby skeletal waitress called. "Check for the Twilight Princess... Ms. Midna?"

"Over here!" the imp beamed, before winking at the Sinner of Time. "Come on Link... let's go back to my place for a bit..."

Dark Link raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

She rolled her eyes. "Not for that, silly! We're going to go baseball bat Zant's mailbox!"

Dark Link frowned.

"Theeeen we'll go for home!" she winked.

Dark Link nearly knocked his chair open as he leaped from the table.

"He just has that swag! I don't know what he does that's so special," Spike grumbled. "All he does is just... listen to them."

The Dead Six all raised their eyebrows at this, before a series of dreamy smiles came to their faces.

"Huh..." Twilight blinked.

"I-I guess I can see the appeal of him," Flutterfright said, before cooing, "A man who really pays attention to you... who listens to your inner thoughts and secrets... what a sourheart..."

"All ears, no mouth," Applemoon grinned.

Pinkie gave a sigh. "I'd visit - er I mean... haunt his dreams any night... maybe we could um - have a little midnight fun while we're-"

"OKOK, that's enough!" Spike groaned. "And here I thought I was supposed to be the devil's advocate. You all still want to help Darksong, right?"

"Er, right!" Twilight coughed.

"Of course!" Applemoon said, narrowing her eyes in determination. "Who doesn't love supporting the underwolf?"

Pinkie Slice blinked. "But how would you... um... support the one underneath you-" Suddenly, she nodded in realization. "Ooooohhhhhh... that kind of underwolf. Gotcha. I thought we were still talking about the other thing."

The group gazed at her oddly.

She glanced at them innocently.

"What?!" she protested.

"Er, nothin'," Applemoon sighed.

"I'm glad that lame joke was unintentional," Spike grunted.

Applemoon raised an eyebrow. "But how are we supposed to help Darksong when we're goin' to the real world? By the time we get back, Nightmare and him could be soul-locked or something!"

"Darksong could remain in the f-zone f-ever!" Pinkie cried.

"Literally in this case," Rainbow Death chuckled.

Fluttershy slammed a hoof into the ground. "We have to stop this! ... If it's alright with you guys."

Spike began to turn about. "Sounds good to me! A horrific effort! One worth the history books!" Spike smiled. "Now - you guys help ole Darky - I'll go back to sleep. Win-win, baby."

"No, Spike," Twilight grunted, holding him back with a bit of blackened magic.

He glanced at her in annoyance. "Ugh... why not?"

"Cus - I still need you to come with me to the real world."

"God damnit..."

"And I still gotta get my soul list finished..." Rainbow muttered. "You four are going to have to handle this yourselves."

"B-But - we need you, Twilight!" Applemoon cried. "You read books and stuff all the time - surely you may know how to spook a lady into likin' you from a guy's perspective!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Just be empathetic - haven't any of you ever dated before?"

...

The group thought to themselves.

"I've marked calendar dates down before!" Pinkie bounced. "Do those count? Hehehe... Elm Street haunting here... Elm Street haunting there...."

"No..." Twilight moaned. "Dated - as in - spent time with a member of the opposite sex - or same... whatever works... er, if they're kind-of guy-like like Rainbow."

"HEY!"

"Sorry..."

Rainbow stuck her tongue out. "Kind-of guy-like? Pffft - I've got all the bravado of a guy and all the digs of a lady! Who wants to arm wrestle?!"

"Can I do it in my real form?" Spike blinked.

Rainbow grinned at him. "... Yeah, if I can eat a bunch of souls for steroids, maybe."

"What, are they like your version of spinach or something?" Spike grunted.

"No, they're my version of steroids."

Spike rolled his eyes. "How many?"

Rainbow shrugged. "One thousand sound fair?"

Spike looked sheepish. "Er... right... I'll pass."

"Anyyyway... it's true... there aren't enough male ghouls to go around," Scarity mumbled. "Who here has dated one?"

"Well... um... I took Nosferatu to the Bogmorts' Yule Prom," Flutterfright squeaked. "I remember tasting each other's necro-blood..." She blushed red for a second. "H-Heh. His tasted like rotten raspberries." She licked her lips, a dreamy look in her eyes. "So delicious."

"Ok...." Twilight said, nodding slowly. "Do you know what Nosferatu did to win you over?"

"Oh... heh," Flutterfright giggled. "He just sort of asked me one day and... um... I think I almost feinted. It's kind of a blur."

Rainbow closed her eyes, sighing. "Right, anyghoul else?"

"Hmph, well... I did court a few in my time," Scarity said. "Though Prince Blackblood wasn't necessarily a 'real' man - I will say that."

"Huh - but did he put the moves on you?" Rainbow asked.

"Well... yes," Scarity said shamefully. "It wasn't my fault, though! He could be a horrifically charming Eldritch Abomination if he wished to... shame it was just a facade..."

"Well - at least you have a bit of knowledge that could help!" Twilight proclaimed. "Besides - romance novels were never my real thing - well, unless they involved killing the male after intercourse like the best spiders do."

"Hehe! Gotta love Black Widows!" Rainbow grinned wickedly. "What a way to go."

"Fine, alright - alright," Applemoon muttered. "We'll stay here and help Darksong help himself. But you better ask Jack Skelington how the werewolves in his part of the woods pull off their scares. I've been running dry on inspiration myself, ya know."

"Ooo - and ask him about Freddy Krueger!" Pinkie grinned. "He's my idol, really... though I kind of wonder if he's a legend or a myth..."

"And um," Flutterfright said shyly. "If you could ask for some tips on controlling bloodlust... I know he's not a vampire, but if he has any friends that are..."

"And if he knows how to pull off a decent poltergeist haunting!" Scarity smiled. "I'm trying something new this year."

"We will!" Twilight said, turning about and beginning to trot towards the room that housed the realm's many portals. "Good luck, you guys!"

"You too, Twilight!"

"Try not to become a ghoulsickle in Siberia!" Scarity called. "Undead flesh tends to freeze faster than the norm."

"Will do!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Yeah - yeah, enough with the goodbyes. Let's get this over with already!"

:"Hehehe - darn right," Rainbow Death girinned, her eyes narrowing. "Because if the fastest pegasus in Equestria proves to be just as fast a reaper, I'll have my list done in no time."