I'm the god of what now!?

by Professor Litmus

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Discord, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, Sad, Romance, Princess Luna
Length: 2862

Just a little something that's been bouncing around in my mind for the bast week.

What if Discord found some means to escape the Elements Of Harmony by switching his mind with some unfortunate soul somewhere else in the universe? Now that person finds themself having to fill some mighty weird shoes, or wil they rise above discord and find a new outlet for the powers of chaos?

Published 2012-02-28 20:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-17 19:53:33 UTC

This is ......odd (chpt 1)

(EDIT) HAHA I FOUND A PROOFREADER SO NOW THE STORY ISN'T SO BAD ON THE EYES WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Well this day sure has started off strange. One minute I'm getting out of bed and the next I'm staring down some necklace wearing ponies firing this huge rainbow thing at me......but I guess before we get back to the matter at hand, perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Thomas.....and that looks to be about all I can say, because that rainbow's about to hit me!

As Twilight and her friends unleashed their power at Discord, she felt a surge of relief fill her at the thought that he would be sealed in stone once again. She took a moment to look at her friends and saw that they were looking at Discord with confusion in their eyes. Twilight quickly turned her gaze to the draconequus and couldn't believe what she saw. Instead of the look of utter defeat that was on his face just moments ago, he looked disoriented and startled. Before she could think of a reason for it, their attack hit and he was engulfed by it's familiar prismatic light.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH THIS IS GONNA HURT!!!!" Thomas thought as the strange rainbow light hit him. "AAAHHhh..h..h....h? Wait, it....it doesn't hurt? Well that's good I guess, but it still doesn't help me figure out what's going on here....where ever here is." As the odd light show finished, Thomas took a moment to look himself over to see if everything was still truly were it should be, freezing at what he saw. "WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!? WHERE ARE MY ARMS?! THESE ARE NOT MY ARMS! AND......AND THESE CAN'T BE MY LEGS......IS....IS THAT A TAIL!?"(THUD!!) All of this was too much, Thomas passed out in a heap on the ground from the stress of it all.

Twilight couldn't believe what she was seeing, Discord was still standing there like nothing had happened. "Quick everyone get ready to try the spell again, we can't let Discord remain free!" However, just as they started to charge up for another attack Discord had started to scream.

Everyone suddenly stopped, unsure of what was going on, "Um, Twilight, what's happening to him?" Asked Fluttershy with a concerned look starting to grow on her face.

"I'm not sure. He should have just turned back to stone, but it sounds like he's screaming about his........limbs?" Just as Twilight finished her sentence Discord collapsed on the ground, starting to twitch.

"Quick! We have to make sure he's not hurt!" cried Fluttershy as she rushed off towards the fallen figure of their enemy, all thought of danger to herself forgotten in her haste to help another creature that could be hurt.

"Wait sugercube! He could be tryin' tah trick yah'! We don't know what jus' happened, but it can't be good!" cried Applejack as she and the others chased after Fluttershy.

"Wuh? Did I just pass out? Wha.....what was I doing just now? There were those ponies and that light and then........NOW I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED!" as Thomas shot up into a sitting position, he quickly looked around for the ones that obviously did this to him. "THERE YOU ARE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME? YOU TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER!" he screamed at the group of ponies that were running at him. "AND ANOTHER THING........”(wait, I'm yelling at ponies, can they even understand me? and why did they turn me into this thing in the first place?) he thought to himself as his rant about his current predicament ran out of steam. As the ponies drew closer to him, he noticed that they all had looks of fear and confusion on their faces. All save for the butter colored one with .....wings? (Is that a Pegasus?) This was all getting to be to much, and as the adrenaline from his anger left him, he once again started to pass out. Just as he was fading out he heard a concerned voice say "What's wrong with Discord, Twilight?" and then he was gone.

"Pinkie Pie, what do you mean what's wrong with him?"

"Well he really didn't sound like the same big meaniehead that he was before. He sounded like somepony that was scared and unhappy."

"Oh whatever Pinkie. He was just yelling at us about us doin something to him!"

"Um..actually Rainbow Dash..I uh think Pinkie might be right..."

“What do you mean Fluttershy?" asked Twilight.

"Well, I can tell if an animal is scared or not by looking in its eyes, and I could see real fear in his."

"Ok, but that still doesn't explain all that yelling about us turning him into a monster."

"Maybe we should send a letter to the princesses and ask them what happened?" Twilight nodded in agreement rushing off to get Spike, wanting to have him send a letter to ask for some help as soon as possible with this whole mess. Now all they had to do was figure out how to keep Discord from causing any more trouble before help arrived.

Discord sat in his new body chuckling to himself quietly. True, he wasn't a god anymore, but hey he didn't get turned into a statue again, that was always a bonus. "So what kind of mischief can I get up to in this world, I wonder?"

To be continued.....

Well what can I say about this story.....it's the first time I've written in over four years. I'm not even sure how I was able to write this down it's like I've got some weird form of dislexia that dosen't let me write down or type my ideas. but anyways lets get to the meat of this muffin. I have been reading stories off this site for about a month now and seeing all these great stories finally gave me an idea and the courage to try my hand at writing again I can't really say if this story will update all that often what with my write-lexia and all but I'm going to try my hardest to at least get this story done. and on that note I would like to say that all comments are welcome and any criticism would help because I will be the first to tell you my writing is probably terrible...........PROFESSOR LITMUS AWAY!!!!!!!!

(chpt 2) In which some stuff happens.

As Twilight rushed back to her home, the Ponyville library, she couldn't help but let her mind wander back to what had just happened. Instead of encasing Discord in stone like they had before, the elements had merely made him act even more random and confusing than before.
"It's like he's forgotten who and what he is." Twilight whispered to herself as she reached the door to her home, going inside.
"Spike? SPIKE! Where are you? I need your help right now!" She yelled as she looked frantically around for her small assistant. As she headed upstairs she could hear the faint sound of snoring coming from her bedroom. Opening the door Twilight found spike asleep in the middle of the floor,his blanket wrapped around his legs and tail.

"Aww I wish I could let you sleep, but I really need your help now." She gently said as she nudged Spike in the shoulder to rouse him from his nap.

"Okay so it looks like I've passed out again....hmm sure is dark inside my head isn't it? Well I guess that makes sense, I mean it's not like I’ve been in here like this before, but would it kill my subconscious to at least put in some mood lighting?" (click) "ARGH!! MY EYES!! TOO BRIGHT TURN IT DOWN TURN IT DOWN!!!"
"And why would I do that when messing with you like this is so much more fun?"
"Well, for one thing, I'd rather not go blind and for another I.....great now I'm talking to figments of my imagination. How much weirder can this day get?"
" If I have any say about it, than a lot." said the odd voice Thomas had heard before. "And trust me when I say a lot because I mean A LOT. Now then, why don't we introduce ourselves as we're going to be spending a very long time together." As the voice finished Thomas heard what sounded like a window shattering and the lights started to dim as his vision began to return.
"Thank God that's over, I was starting smell the smoke from my eyeballs frying. Now can you please tell me; one why you’re in my head, two why those ponies hit me with that rainbow thing, and three why you sound like me talking through a bowl of pudding." Thomas grumbled as he ground the heels of his hands into his eyes in an attempt to clear the spots a bit faster.
" OOOHHHH, no not until you tell me our name, and then only if I feel like it." the voice answered back with a chuckle.
"ALRIGHT! fine you win, my name's Thomas and that’s all you’re getting. Now tell me what the hell is going on!"
"HHHMMMM.......nope sorry looks like we're out of time for our session today, but be sure to schedule another one with the receptionist on your way out."

"Wait what are you talk...."

As the rest of the mane six dragged Discord's limp form from the town square they started to talk about what had just happened.
"Well, I still say he's fakin it and I'll prove it as soon as he wakes up!"
"Now now Rainbow darling, I really think we should wait for Twilight to come back with a response from the Princess before we jump to any conclusions. After what we just saw, I feel we should leave Discord well enough alone until we get some better information on what's going on."
"Aw come on everypony! I'm sure he's not a big baddie anymore or the elements would have done something to him." chimed in Pinkie as she hopped around the group.
"Well, as much as ah' like tah' chat about this with everypony, ah'd like to know what we're gonna do with this here feller." Applejack said as she readjusted the bulk of Discords form on her back. "And ah'd like tah' know soon because he's startin' tah' get a mite bit heavy."
"Well we could take him to my house, it's on the edge of town, so we don't have to worry about anypony seeing him. I could take a better look at him to make sure he didn't get hurt earlier.....um if that’s ok."
Everyone looked at Fluttershy as if she had just grown a second head and started to sing like Pinkie pie.
"Uh Shy? You can't be serious, there's no way we're taking this guy to your place." Rainbow Dash said in disbelief. "I mean come on, he's the god of chaos for Celestia's sake! We at least need to get him somewhere where we can tie him up or something."

While Rainbow Dash voiced her opinion on what they should do with Discord, Applejack felt him start to stir on her back."Girls ah' think he's wakin' up!" She cried out as she reared up on her hind legs to toss him off, and then ran over to where the others were.

"...ing abou-OOF!.......ouch. Okay, now I'm on the ground with a face full of dirt, guess that's just par for the course." (Well lets see what fresh hell life has in store for me now.) Thought Thomas as he started to get up from the rather uncomfortable position he was in.
"First it's tiny pastel ponies that shoot rainbow beams, then it's freaky talking head voices, and now it's a mouth full of good old terra firma!" He shouted as he began to spit out the horrible affront to taste that still lingered on his tongue. "Now that that's dealt with let's see where I'm at this time." Thomas rubbed his eyes a few times to make sure they didn't have anymore dirt surrounding them and then slowly opened them. There in front of him were the same strange ponies he'd seen when he first ended up in whatever crazy place this was.
" Right. Ok. Still here in the land of cute and fuzzy so at least I have a chance at finding out what happened to me. ( Mental note: find out what this place is called.) Also, hey you lot! I better get an explanation for why you brought me here and turned me into this......thing!" (Wait, I still don't know if these things can understand me.. Hmm sure hope they do or this is gonna get real difficult real quick.) "Can you things even understand me?"
While Thomas sat there looking confused an irritated Pinkie Pie couldn't help herself and started to giggle.
"See I told you all he's not the same big mean Discord anymore. Now he's a brand new grumpy silly acting Discord. I know! I'll ask the new Discord if he wants to be my friend now!" And with that she shot off towards him giggling all the way.
"Great, no answer, so I guess I'll just sit here until something else weird comes along to add to this firestorm of strange that is my life now.......hey where'd the pink one go? She was there just a second ag-- AAHHH HOW'D YOU GET ON MY HEAD!!!"
"Silly, I've been here the whole time you just didn't notice, and HI! I'm Pinkie Pie, will you be my friend new Discord? I hope you will. The old you was mean and laughed at me, but the new you doesn't seem so bad, OOHH! I know! I should throw you a party! A nowyournotmeanandarenowmyfriend party! I better go get ready, see you soon." She then disappeared from his sight.
Thomas couldn't believe what just happened. The pink one (Pinkie pie huh?) had just, for lack of a better word, teleported onto his head, started to talk to him a mile a minute, say something about old Discord and new Discord which he assumed was the name she was calling him, and then vanish after saying something about a party.
"Well, I guess they speak the same language as me after all." (Although I would like to know why she kept calling me Discord.)

"Ssssooooo any of you care to tell me what's going on?"

"I hope the Princess responds to my letter soon. I just can't stand here waiting while the others could be in danger!" Twilight had finally gotten Spike to wake up and had sent a letter soon after. She kept running through what had happened in her mind: they had gotten the elements back after discord had hidden them, and then went to confront him in the center of town. There he was, sitting on a throne giggling like a madman as the town warped and shifted around him. As they unleashed the spell that should have sealed him away, Twilight noticed something odd happen. It was almost like the air around Discord had shifted ever so slightly to the right. Everything was still the same but at the same time not, and the look in his eyes. It was like all the malice and insanity had leaked away from him right before the spell hit.
"...light, Twilight, TWILIGHT!"
"Spike, why are you yelling at me?"
"Because you zoned out there and I needed to get your attention."
"But why?"
"Ugh! Because the Princess's reply just came and you wouldn't answer me when I told you!"
"WHAT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
"..........seriously? Whatever, here just take it, I'm going back to bed." Spike tossed the scroll over to Twilight and then stomped back up the stairs to try to get back to sleep. Twilight caught the scroll with her magic and broke the seal so she could read its contents.

Twilight, please forgive the informal nature of this letter, but if Discord has in fact been unaffected by the Elements Of Harmony then all of Equestria could be in great danger. Rest assured that my sister and I are on our way to try and figure out what is going on, but until then make sure you do not let him out of your sight. I hope nothing happens to you or your friends before we get there. Be strong my faithful student.

"What do you mean I have to fill out the form again! I did everything it told me to do! What could possibly be wrong with it?"
"Sir, you need to put down you real name and occupation not an alias and whatever the rest of this jibberish you filled in is." The desk clerk said as she handed back the slip of paper to the oddly dressed man in front of her.
"But this is my name and occupation." He said for the tenth time that day. He just didn't understand, name- Discord occupation- God of Chaos and Disharmony, and pie. Why won’t anyone accept his application?