Super Secret Cider Squeezy 6000

I found myself in Ponyville while on a well-deserved break from the never-ending chores that befell every young apprentice to the Royal Guard. The kinds of tasks that are beneath the Guards but just important enough to require somepony from within to do, such as acting as a messenger from one platoon to the next, only instead of actual orders the messages would usually be about whatever upcoming contest they were having, making sure the training equipment was clean and in functioning order, jointly cleaning the dorm and the list goes on and on. After that, there was still the usual training and studying, which made any relief from it well and truly welcome.

Ponyville seemed like a good choice – a calm small town in which I could rest my hooves until I the time came to return to Canterlot. Princess Celestia’s much talked about student may have lived here, but the town wasn’t exactly advertising that. If anything, the ponies here were more than happy to avoid putting themselves on the map, so to say. And it worked. It felt good to be there after the chaos of the larger cities that were my usual destinations. The peace and friendliness of this little town were just what I needed to switch my brain off and let my mind wander, but this day that wouldn’t last more than a few minutes.

As sunlight slowly crept to the flowers on the window ledge before slipping past the half drawn curtains and into my eyes, my dreams shattered in an orange-red color of the light going through my eyelids. Ah, morning. Unlike the previous mornings I didn’t experience any confusion as I opened my eyes and saw the colorful walls of my temporary residence, although the stark contrast between this and my usual place of rest for the last few years was still enough to make me feel a bit queasy.

As soon as I got out of bed, it was time to follow standard protocol, even if I wasn’t technically on duty. I half-limped to the bathroom to do the morning business and make sure I was looking my best before I would normally have to put on my uniform, but once again I made like a local and left any pieces of clothing behind. One more thing a pony didn’t have to worry too much about in Ponyville. The stairs led me into the Quills and Sofas shop.

“Good morning,…” I looked around to search for my host, but the whole shop was empty.

Figuring he was away on a mission to restock his supply of quills or sofas my first thought was that I had better stay put so that nopony gets any ideas about taking something from the store. The timing wasn’t perfect as the growls in my stomach grew with every minute and I hated taking things from other ponies' pantries. Then again, Davenport did say to go ahead and take whatever I want if I get hungry, but I decided to wait for a few more minutes before taking him up on that offer. It still felt wrong. Instead, I walked aimlessly around his little shop, wondering how many sofas and quills a pony can even sell in Ponyville. Or did he have plenty of outside customers? Not to mention I didn’t even understand why somepony would open a shop that sells these two items, but to each his own.

Framed pictures were hung on the walls over the sofas. Some of them were the average scenery shots you could see in just about every home furnishing shop and travel agency, while others were photographs of the surrounding areas of Ponyville. One of them felt really out of place, though. It was a picture of an inside of a cave, walls partially blackened by fire, some gems scattered on the ground and what looked like red dragon scales lying about. By itself it was a very artistic picture, but having it prominently displayed in a shop probably did not inspire confidence from sofa-buyers. Quill buyers on the other hoof could probably get some plot ideas out of it.

There were other pictures that didn’t quite fit with the ambient of the shop as well. One was a field of strange flowers from what I assumed to be the Everfree Forest. If the plants didn’t give it away, the hostile-looking trees did. It was strange how one of the first things I learned when I arrived here for the first time a few years ago was the existence of a haunted forest. Or at least that was what a pink pony by the name of Pinkie Pie told me, right before she started dancing and singing, happy that somepony new had arrived in town. At the time I thought that was creepy. I still do. Another picture was about…

Food.

I was really getting hungry now. Manners be damned, I had to find something to munch on. In the kitchen I made myself a simple sandwich, making sure to take only the things my host had in abundance. I was paying him for rent while I was here, but the food was his generosity and I wasn’t going to exploit that. Nearly an hour had passed since I awoke and while my stomach was growing full, so too was my curiosity as to where my host was. If he was indeed on a business trip, he could be gone all day and surely he wouldn’t expect me to sit by guarding his shop all this time. On the other hoof, if he was in town, I would probably run into him.

These scenarios reminded me that I had forgotten to check one simple detail: was the door even locked? I knew the residents of small towns like this tended to leave their door unlocked, something that was unimaginable in Canterlot. I tried the door and confirmed my theory, as they opened without hesitation.

OK, let’s find Davenport.

I stepped out onto the streets of Ponyville and immediately felt something was very wrong. The usually busy streets were deserted, the chatter of ponies gone. Walking around on the main road, I saw stores and houses all around me without a hint of life and the carts at the market covered under sheets. The thought that I was dreaming all of this manifested multiple times, but the fresh taste of food in my mouth and the Sun heating up my powder-blue coat and navy-blue mane said otherwise. Sunny days like this would usually help me appreciate having light streaks in my mane that deflected at least some sunlight instead of just making it look shinier, but not this day. The more I walked, the more strange I felt.

I hope this isn't an ambush.

As my brain was already forming a survival strategy for that silly scenario I saw a colorful couple in the distance, slowly strolling near the giant tree in the middle of Ponyville. Running toward them, it didn’t take too long to register the distinctive appearance of the Cake couple.

Now that I think about it, they were among the very few ponies I even knew there apart from Davenport, who rented me the small room above his shop and Pinkie Pie, who was thankfully too busy the previous day to notice me and was among the many who disappeared this day and Mayor Mare, but that was official business. The only reason I even knew the Cakes on the other hoof was my soft spot for treats. In every town and city I visited, a bakery was usually my first stop after settling in, and Ponyville was no different, although I had a hard time ranking their shop in comparison to others’. The Sweetshop Boutique in Vanhoover was probably still my favorite, but now was not the time for that.

“Good morning!” I said loudly with as normal of a voice as I could. I really didn’t want them to notice my anxiety over the deserted town. “I didn’t know Ponyville could turn into a ghost town,” I added with a curious smile, waiting for them to answer the question I never posed.

“Well good morning to ya’!” replied Mrs. Cake before carefully adding, “Didn’t anypony tell you about today?” Even before I could say anything back, Mr. Cake intervened, “It’s the start of the cider season. You better get your flank over to Sweet Apple Acres if you want a taste of the first batch!”

Cider made everypony in town vanquish?

My mind was still asleep. Well, I did come to Ponyville to relax and do some sightseeing and this was most certainly an event I wouldn’t want to miss if it was so important.

“Then I better get over there. Thank you, have a nice day!” In my rush to leave I almost forgot one little detail, “Just one more thing, where is Sweet Apple Acres?”

Armed with directions I left the Cakes and made my way to the event of the day, wondering the whole way how much trust the ponies living here must have in others to leave their houses unprotected. For a moment I imagined the Cakes wielding weapons in defense of numerous assaulting thieves like ninjas.

First an ambush, now ninjas. I need to wake up.

I was already nearing Sweet Apple Acres as I was imagining the colorful fight that would result from such a situation. It wasn’t very difficult to find at all, although I nearly stepped into my own jaw as I snapped back to reality amidst the apple trees and saw the line of ponies snaking far into the orchard. That really was the entire town! Good thing cider wasn’t my favorite drink to begin with, as I clearly wasn’t going to get any unless I waited until nightfall.

Instead of waiting in line for something I didn’t really want I politely squeezed myself past the crowd to get a better view of the whole mess. Some ponies reacted with sharp gestures and muttered words, thinking that I was cutting in line. A large group of ponies, some even flying in excitement, were assembled at the end of it. Not seeing any other option I really would be cutting in line this time, to see what was happening. As I passed wide-eyed ponies with little trouble, I saw what held their attention. If my jaw nearly tripped me when I saw the line, it might as well have detached at this point.

A machine that looked like a cross between a locomotive, a chariot and some parts I couldn’t recognize was parked at the side of the road, letting out strange noises as clouds of smoke emanated from it, accompanied by small lightning bolts. A group of ponies, two of them probably twins, were arguing over something, but I didn’t hear what they were saying, my attention instead directed towards the contraption.

What is this? I wondered. There is nothing like it in Canterlot or anywhere else I’ve ever been.

Before I even had a chance to get closer, the two brothers jumped into their machine and left with haste. As the excited crowd of ponies dispersed I made my way to the family that was arguing with the brothers. Still ecstatic about what I’d seen, I clumsily burst out with, “Hello! Have you ever seen anything like that before?” Diplomacy was never my strong suite. Huffy stares greeted me back. Before I had a chance to correct myself, an orange mare retorted.

“No Ah haven’t. And after t’morrow we won’t see ‘em again!”

“Now Applejack,” intervened an elderly green pony with a white mane, “No need to take yer anger out on… I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you before, mister?”

“Neigh. Swifty Neigh.”

“Well mister Neigh, I reckon you must be new in town, so you’re joining us for lunch!” The older one continued, much to my surprise and went right ahead with the introductions. “I’m Granny Smith, and these ‘ere are Applejack, Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom.”

I tried being polite and attempted to turn down the offer, all the while knowing full well the matter had already been decided. There was no point in resisting further and at least Davenports’ pantry would be safe for lunch. As I thought about that, completely forgetting that I could have bought something to eat in town, I suddenly remembered that I still hadn’t seen him.

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” I replied, hoping to lose some of the bad impression I must have left.

After I was given more detailed direction on how to get to the farm itself and at what time to be there I offered to help with the cleanup, as the cider-thirsty crowds left a right mess behind.

“Thank ya, but we’ll handle it jus’ fine!” Applejack retorted. She wasn’t very happy about anypony meddling in her business and she was still fuming over the two brothers, so I didn’t force it.

“Applejack, manners!” Granny Smith again intervened before turning to me with a smile. “No worries Mr. Neigh, we have everythin’ under control. Much obliged for yer offer!”

“Have a nice day than and I’ll see you for lunch!” I replied before turning back to Ponyville.

The walk back was over far too soon, even though I had to be careful not to step into any cider puddles on the ground. As the trees cleared, Ponyville came into view from a new perspective, shining in the sunlight. The heat was back, now that the shade of the apple orchard disappeared, but I continued with leisurely pace back into town. This time around it was livelier, with ponies returning to the streets and shops. It felt like a town again. My destination was Quills and Sofas, if only to inform Davenport of the food I took from his pantry before going out for a walk.

Nearing the shop, I could already tell he was inside. Or should I say outside, as he was luring customers in by standing near the door and asking any pony that walked by if they needed a quill or a sofa. He saw me from the distance and waved. I smiled back.

“Hello!” I greeted him when I was close enough that I didn’t have to shout. “I was looking for you.”

“Oh, my mistake,” he said with the voice of a true salesperson underpinning his words, “I was certain you knew about today!”

He looked strange saying that. On closer inspection the reason became obvious. His eyes had a red hue to them and he was partially leaning on the door frame.

“You really like cider, don’t you?” I jokingly asked.

He smiled back, not sure if I was asking sarcastically.

“Are you gonna be alright out here?”

“Yes,” he sliced his hoof through the air, “I’ll be fine.”

“OK, I just wanted to let you know I took some food from the pantry in the morning.”

“That’s why it’s there for!” He slowly said and looked at me with the distinct expression on his face that he wanted me to leave him alone while he was sobering up. I didn’t keep him waiting.

“Thanks! See you later!”

With a few hours’ time remaining before the lunch I let my curiosity loose and set about getting information regarding the machine I saw. The most obvious option that was rolling around my head regarding the machine was simple. It was a well thought out parade float and had something to do with the start of the cider season. This in itself wasn’t so special, but being a kind of tourist, I had both the time and desire to know more about it. After all, what’s the point of going somewhere if you’re not going to see anything new?

There was one problem with my theory, and that was the overall surprise at the machine from the locals. The Apple family sure didn’t care much for it either, or perhaps a better expression would be that at least one of them outright hated it. Anyway, I needed more information and there were two places that could offer it: the Ponyville Museum, hidden inside the Town Hall or the Library, hidden inside a giant tree

Ponyville really likes to hide stuff.

First stop, the library. I knocked on the door and waited. Then waited some more. There was no response, so I looked around to see if anypony nearby could tell me where the librarian was. A magic mint Unicorn was walking by the library in the company of a beige pony with a curly colorful mane.

“Excuse me!” I never liked calling out for ponies. It always seemed so forced.

“Yes?” The minty green mare happily looked at me, her companion raising an eyebrow while keeping behind her.

“I’m wondering where the librarian is, would you happen to know?”

The two mares exchanged looks.

“You mean Twilight Sparkle?” The talkative mare responded.

I shook my head slightly, not sure if I heard right. “I guess?”

“I think they went to see Zecora.” The beige mare told me, managing to increase my confusion.

“They?” I wasn’t sure if ponies here were talking to the librarian as if she was royalty or if I was missing some vital piece of information.

“Twilight and her friends.” The beige mare replied and now they were both looking at me like I was from another planet for not knowing that. “You know, the Elements of Harmony?”

I certainly knew of the Elements of Harmony, but it was only now that I realized the librarian was the Twilight Sparkle. After defeating Nightmare Moon she gained a small celebrity status in an around Canterlot and probably the whole of Equestria. That she wasn’t living at the Royal Castle in Canterlot, or at least somewhere nearby, was already a mystery. The fact she was working as a librarian was downright unbelievable and the last time I was here nopony bothered to mention it.

“Yes, I know.” A white lie never hurt anypony, right? “Do you have any idea when they’ll be back?”

The two mares giggled at my naïveté, giving me a few vital seconds to prepare for the inevitable answer, even if it was longer than I had expected.

“No. Nopony knows when they will go somewhere or when they’ll be back. Most of the time we don’t even know where they go, only that they’re doing something important.”

“OK. Thank you!”

With the library closed, so to say, the museum was my next stop. I waited for the mares to continue their stroll then turned to face the City Hall not far away, hoping I wasn’t going to lose more time. It was easily the largest building in Ponyville, its design unlike any of the more or less generic buildings that surrounded it. A short walk later I was already opening the doors and looking for the right way to the museum. I was facing unmarked corridors and a very poor memory from my last visit, when I was told briefly that the museum was even here. There never was any chance of retrieving that information, which was why I had been scanning my surroundings for somepony – anypony – that could tell me where to go. In typical fashion for officials, there was nopony around.

Let’s go left.

I went into the left corridor.

Office. Office. Office. Office… No.

Instead of going back I used basic logic and assumed that the circular shape of the building would bring me back to my starting position and that one of the inner corridors held the museum. Continuing down the chosen path I passed more offices and, when I had all but given up on looking at the signs on the doors, I passed it. I looked at the sign on the door and moved my head away, expecting to see another administration unit, but the corner of my eye caught it long enough for my mind to wake up. Museum of Ponyville.

I knocked and entered almost simultaneously. The room into which I had walked in was no larger than the Quills and Sofas shop floor, only better decorated. Another thing it had in common with the shop, at least as it was in the morning, was that it was missing the pony who oversaw it. I wanted to go to a sleepy little town, but this was ridiculous. I looked around the room once more and questioned if such a small museum would even have a curator or if it was one of those museums where you were left to your own devices, so long as you didn’t touch anything.

Yeah, that’s it. I guess.

My first target of inquiry was the area of the room that appeared to have the most modern pictures and items scattered about the overcrowded shelves and tired tables. The Hoovenheim this was not. The first thing I noticed was a picture of the savior of Equestria and her five friends. Twilight Sparkle looked a lot younger in color than she did in the black and white newspapers that bore her image in the weeks following Nightmare Moon’s return and her friends were a colorful bunch.

Wait, is that…

Pinkie Pie. That tightened my stomach. I had no idea the pink pony was one of the Elements of Harmony or I would have acted differently when I met her. I thought she was being overly intrusive, perhaps even a little on the crazy side, but certainly not a virtue in herself. Sometimes I was too much in a hurry to jump to conclusions about other ponies. A mental note was added to my ever growing list of self-improvements for the future to give ponies a fair chance form now on. As much as I could change by the next encounter, whenever that’ll be.

There were more artifacts from the Twilight Era of Ponyville, as I began calling it. Pictures and actual parts of monsters defeated, good deeds done and even excerpts about lessons learned. I didn’t need to see everything to know this town was very proud of its young prodigy. One thing that wasn’t amongst the latest collection however, was the machine I saw earlier or the two brothers. For that I would probably need to take a look at the older part of the museum, as it seemed unlikely that this year’s cider celebration – or whatever it was called – would already be included here.

I looked across the room to find my next target area, yet the only thing I saw were more Twilight memorabilia. The Element of Magic was very busy indeed, as her artifacts and pictures covered half of the entire museum. It was only after I turned to the wall behind me that I started seeing things from days gone by. Old, nearly disintegrated pictures of the older generation accompanied by pieces of old tools that the first farmers here used were placed with as much care at the Twilight Era items on the shelves and tables. There was no way to know what came from which year without a guide. And I didn’t have one so I first went through the pictures and then looked at the items on display to see if I could find anything of use. Needless to say, there was nothing. This machine had to be even newer than I imagined.

“Good day! May I help you?” A faintly familiar voice asked.

Mayor Mare was standing at the door. From the way she was looking at me it wasn’t clear if she had recognized me, although I was sure I detected a hint of disapproval in her voice about being in the museum by myself. I nervously replied.

“Hello! I don’t know if you remember me; My name is Swifty Neigh and I’m here…”

“Of course I know who you are! Young Mr. Neigh.” She sounded very relaxed and almost maternal. “I thought I told you to come visit me the next time you were here?”

That she did. I muttered out an excuse, “I thought you meant when I was here officially.”

“Nonsense! You’re always welcome here. Now, how can I help you?”

I briefly explained the reason for my intrusion. Major Mare’s stance changed with every word I spoke, going from pleasant and helpful to poorly hidden tension. My voice automatically followed suit and by the time I finished with a direct question regarding the machine and its operators, I was speaking very slowly and carefully choosing my words. It was only after I had finished that I realized the absurdity of my own reaction. I was behaving like a small colt would when surprised by a question from a teacher. The major gave me an exaggerated smile and formulated the answer.

“Those two? They’re the Flim-Flam brothers.” She was quite anxious now and terrible at hiding it. I couldn’t help questioning, even as she spoke, how she could have become a major in the first place. Politicians were usually very good at this sort of thing. “I hear they’re going from town to town with that thing, trying to dupe somepony into buying it.” Another nervous smile later she added, “I wouldn’t bother with them so much.”

I wasn’t buying it, but at the same time I decided that it would be great playing poker with her. Easiest few bits I would ever make. Knowing I wouldn’t learn anything there, I wanted to ask her about the famous librarian and when she’ll be back, but she cut me off before a single word came from my mouth, saying the museum was about to close and it was time for me to go. Grudgingly, I obeyed. Not a minute later the doors of the City hall slammed shut behind me and I was left confused in the center of Ponyville. A new approach was necessary.

Waiting for Twilight to return was the best option I had and I was already planning out the day. I would start by wandering aimlessly in and around the town, taking in the sights I had missed the previous day before going to the Apple family for lunch and I should be back in town by evening. All I would need to do then would be to see if the library was still open. If it wouldn’t be, I could always ask for directions to Twilight’s home. I was sure she wouldn’t mind my curiosity.

I looked around to see my options for the sightseeing I had in mind. I had already visited the lake and the outskirts of the Everfree forest, but the mountains eluded me, or should I say, didn’t interest me up until now. There was no time for any serious mountaineering, so a short trip to the dam above Ponyville would have to suffice. The clock tower in the distance said I had about two hours’ time, which was plenty if I trotted at least one way. After the constant training at the Academy, I needed some daily exercise anyway, so I did just that.

Buildings gently rolled by and disappeared behind me as the road beneath my hooves climbed to the mountainside that supported the concrete behemoth. It passed between countless small hills, gaining and losing elevation with each small valley before going straight up the side of the mountain, the waterfall below the dam always in view. By the time the road leveled at the top of the dam I was catching my breath. It was incredible how one day of slouching could lower my stamina, not that the direct sunlight didn’t contribute to that. I slowed down to a walk, blaming my visits to the Sugarcube Corner the previous day for the aching legs, before walking to the side of the dam and leaning on the rail.

The view over Ponyville was rather good, the entire town looking like a play set and tiny ponies moving about. The Royal Castle at Canterlot was also visible thanks to the clear skies and its sheer size. It reflected some of the light hitting it, the towers appearing as gigantic beacons on the horizon to the right. To the left, partially obstructed from view by the mountainside, was the Everfree Forest. It somehow managed to look more sinister from afar than when I was standing in its shade. The mist rising from its grotesquely overgrown trees and undergrowth wasn’t making it any easier on the eye but it was something special to behold. There was no other place like it in Equestria, they said, and had no reason to doubt it. I knew Sweet Apple Acres began at its border and expanded directly in front of me, but it was obstructed from view by the dozens of small hills in the way.

Thinking of it reminded me that I didn’t have all that much time to actually stay here if I wanted to take a quick shower before going to lunch, but another thought made its way to my mind as I turned back the way I came. This was a very large dam, yet the river was very small. As I made my first steps toward Ponyville, I looked over the side of the rail again, only to see the tops of the nearby hills popping out of the ground like an artist’s sketch. There were no signs of a wide valley there, only the sharp edge of the cliff that was responsible for one of the wildest waterfalls I had ever seen. Even here the river had clearly cut into the rock over time, leaving near vertical walls on both sides just before the edge, but there were no obvious signs of ancient floods. I turned to the other side of the dam and looked at the massive lake accumulated behind it. Barren mountain tops testified to the damage done by the dam whose sole purpose must have been to prevent such damage in the first place. The whole thing was a bit of an oxymoron.

My stomach growled. If I wouldn’t get back to Ponyville soon, I would be late for lunch. After one final look to take in my surroundings I trotted over to Quills and Sofas for a shower and met up with the Apple family at their farm.

During the apple and Apple filled lunch I got to know the appropriately named family in greater detail that I would have wanted, but I could at least get some information about the Flim-Flam brothers and their Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. I awed at the sheer determination of the Apple family, Granny Smith in particular, whenever next day’s contest was mentioned. There was no doubt in their minds of anything but victory of the old ways over the new.

The Apples, if I can call them that, were busily telling me everything I wanted to know and asking me about the glamor of being a royal guard, much to my amusement, but something didn’t seem right. It took me a long time until, shortly before leaving, I put my hoof on it and in one question changed the mood behind the table by first asking the elder mare, “You’re their granny if I’m not mistaking,” pointing at the other three ponies, before looking at the filly and adding, “How come your parents didn’t join you today?”

Note to self: learn to assess the situation better.

The atmosphere changed faster than if Celestia herself had appeared in my plate.

“They’re away in Appleloosa, helpin’ the family, but they’ll be back soon! Applejack always says so, isn’t that right?” Apple Bloom’s voice trembled with a mix of excitement and desire as she gave her sister a stare only a young filly could pull off.

“Yeah, they will,” Applejack replied with a forced smile, “Why don’t ya run along to your Crusaders now, and I’ll ‘ave granny make you a nice apple pie for when you get back – you did good today!”

With the filly gone and a cloud of sadness enveloping other ponies, I apologized for the reckless observation. Applejack quickly reassured me I hadn’t done anything wrong, while Big Macintosh simply added that the parents had died soon after Apple Bloom saw the light of day. He didn’t go into details and I didn’t feel like asking.

Walking slowly from the Apple homestead, my mind full of thoughts on the two brothers and feelings of guilt about the way the lunch had ended, I was approached by a mailpony who gave me a letter sent with urgency from Canterlot.

Leave shortened, return immediately… What? Why? Has something terrible happened?

Since Equestria hasn’t been in a war in a thousand years, I immediately thought about my father, hoping that there hadn’t been an accident in the laboratory. He might have been one of Equestria’s most respected chemists, but he was getting old and twitchy. Knowing full well I’d miss the return of the brothers to Ponyville, I quickly found a sky-chariot to Canterlot.