Super Secret Cider Squeezy 6000

I could barely open my eyes. The bed sheets were cold and moist, but the thought of climbing out of bed into the stale air of the carriage made me want to dig in even deeper and for a second, I nearly did. My eyes were already closed when the thought that I was on a train came rushing back like a bad memory.

My legs felt heavy as lead as I unraveled the sheet and climbed out of bed. It didn’t take me long to discover why it was drenched. Cold sweat stuck to me like I’d taken a dive in a swamp.

I shook as hard as I could, not even thinking about the poor sod who’d have to mop up the carriage, and in a few minutes I somehow managed to make myself somewhat presentable for the charade I was about to take part in. No, I absolutely didn’t have a good feeling about having to return so quickly. I shook my head and took a deep breath. Then, I double checked that I wasn’t missing anything and made my way to the regular carriage to sit down for the steep climb we were about to begin.

Hondo took a look at me and quipped about how messy I looked – diplomacy wasn’t his strong suit – but after I didn’t immediately reply, he understood I was in no state for conversation. He kept to himself after that.

The carriage tilted as the railroad began its climb, pushing me gently into the bench and the glass decoration behind my back. On any other day the return to Canterlot would have been a welcome addition to a successful mission – a sense of pride and fulfillment growing with every upward turn. But not on this day. And it wasn’t just for what was in store for me. The climb itself made me feel as if I was in a sky-chariot that was gently taking off, with the sharp turns doing their best to mimic heavy turbulence and in my current state flying was the last thing I wanted. The dizziness was quickly backed up by my stomach squeezing; preparing to eject whatever was left in it from the previous day. Good thing I knew a thing or two about self-control.

The last few seconds of the climb dragged on forever. I was starting to have doubts about my ability to not throw up when the track mercifully leveled out. In a few turns and a short straight I would be able to leave the confines of the train and venture out into the wilderness of Canterlot. But the thought of the city brought with it yesterday’s dilemma. The rough sleep had done a number on my resolve to report Desert Carrot outright.

First Pearl, then Carrot.

In a brief moment, I even wanted to join the two tasks together, but if I started explaining how I got ahold of a magical book to the pony who demanded my return, the whole thing would look like an attempt at diversion. It was good to know that my mind was already returning to normal, even if my body defied it at every move.

“We’re stopping in Canterlot in two minutes,” the conductor startled me.

I nodded in response but failed to actually say anything before he walked away to inform the passengers in the back as well. My saddlebags were right beside me, my uniform was draped over my fever-soaked body and my tail and mane were a mess. I in no way resembled a model Specialist, but until they would put showers on trains everypony would just have to tolerate it. It’s not like I looked the way I did on purpose. The excuses for the Preceptor were already forming in my mind.

I got caught up in bed weather during the mail deliveries. Somepony left the window open in the carriage and wouldn’t close it. A zebra put a curse on me. I was flying to Dodge City instead of getting a new assignment from the local… No, better not say that.

The train stopped with a thud. I didn’t know if I should blame a novice operator or my ill-being for the jolt, but the moment I heard the tap of the doors opening, I decided it didn’t really matter. Soon a line of ponies was exiting onto the platform. Some perked up the moment they got off the train, as they took in the misty morning air that dulled the smell of coal. Others were dragging their hooves, and probably heading for the first coffee shop, while the lucky ones got to jump into the embrace of their loved ones. The only thing missing was the crowd waiting to board. Hondo put on a rough-looking straw hat and got up to leave.

“Well, I’ll see you around!”

I smiled at him as he tilted it, almost in a farm-pony kind of way, even though nothing about him indicated that he’d spent any time on a farm. He returned the smile and walk down to the doorway. It wasn’t that I kept on smiling after he’d turned away that sent my heart into overdrive. Neither was it the sudden quiet that descended on the carriage; nopony coming into it, not even the conductor. No, the core of my fear lay in the suit-like grip of a gentle coating of magic that was keeping me glued to the spot, and the smile on my face. The only thing I could move were my eyes, which only served to make the whole experience extra terrifying.

The real panic didn’t really begin to set in until the train started moving again. Ponies were walking past the window behind me, returning to their homes, completely oblivious to the Specialist trapped in the carriage.

“Hey! I’m still here!” I tried yelling at anypony willing to listen, but no words escaped me, “Hold on!”

In place of a response came marble walls and darkness, followed by a deep thud a moment later. The train had slowly rolled into the maintenance station not far from the platform, and now the only thing I could make out was the faintest glow coming from my around my eyes. But where there’s darkness, there’s inevitably light. If nothing else, I was expecting a sudden flash of white from an interrogation lamp – yes, even those things popped up in the rumors regarding the Manners-Mare, and I wouldn’t have put it past her to use some kind of intimidation against me, if only for her pleasure.

Flash in three, two, one… one? One?

I quieted down my breathing to catch any kind of noise that could tell me what was coming, until I nearly stopped breathing altogether. There was only quiet and the faint glow of magic enveloping me whole to keep me still. And then it happened, only not in the way I expected it to. Four spots of light suddenly illuminated the bench below me; light pink circles formed at the base of my hooves and continued for half a hoof’s length around them, just as I felt the grip of the magical suit wear off.

I took a deep breath to test-out my new limited freedom, and raised my voice. “What is this?”

The door opened a moment later. I twisted my neck as somepony stepped into the carriage at the front side door, soon followed by somepony else from the other side of the carriage. They had me cornered, which in a space with only two main exits and their target being glued to the floor wasn’t all that impressive, but my heart was racing. Amazing how I suddenly lost any notion of sickness that I had felt on the train, but then adrenaline is known to be a wonder drug.

“He doesn’t like to listen does he, Flim?” One of them prattled out.

“Indeed he doesn’t, dear brother of mine,” the similar sounding shadow answered.

Another spark of light followed and a barely noticeable aura illuminated the faces of the Flim-Flam brothers. In the near darkness of the carriage, they looked more green-tinted ghosts than ponies. Good thing their voices never got the memo.

“Now you see here,” Flim said as he moved closer to me, “There’s a whole lot of Royal Guards out there, on that platform. Isn't that so, Flam?”

Flam approached from the other side and twirled his mustache as he told me, “Oh yes. And they’re waiting for you.”

“Really?”

I was surprised, but probably not in the way they were expecting me to be. After all, I was already expecting the Guards back at the Greenlit, so having them wait for me here wasn’t that out of the ordinary. Having Guards come looking for me in the first place most certainly was, but I was far beyond questioning that at this point. Seeing the two brothers at all, now that was the surprising part. They had to have known about Carrot’s parting gift.

“Yes, once again,” Flim took over from Flam, “And you know why, don’t you?”

The way he pitched his voice almost made it seem like he wanted to guilt-trip me, but the sideways glance and the raised eyebrow told me that he was expecting me to be in on the joke, whatever it was. Between the book and the timely kidnapping, I was missing something, but until I knew what it was I could only play along.

With a sigh, I looked to the ground, “Yes.” It was overacted, but turned out to be a good decision.

The pink glow was still emanating from beneath my hooves. The brothers were using their magic to light their faces. Light green. I looked back up and glanced at both of them in succession.

“Who’s is this?”

Flam opened his mouth for a moment to continue the explanation from before, until my question fully reached him. The brothers exchanged a look and smirked. Flim responded.

“You’re being held down by an associate of ours.”

His brother continued. “And it would be very rude of us to tell you who it is now, wouldn’t it?”

“Especially as you haven’t been properly introduced,” Flim ended.

The whole back-and-forth talking was starting to tug at my nerves. There was only one feeling stronger that that – suspicion. With every second since they had revealed themselves my fear was dying down, and the more it died down, the more I started wondering what their game was. I was already determined to report Carrot to the Guards for the book he gave me, and he was the one hiding the Squeezy. I had to wonder, though, what was the brothers’ involvement with the whole thing? What was the point of it all?

“Fair enough.” I was trying to keep as unimpressed-sounding tone as possible. “Will I get to meet her?”

They flinched at that.

“How did you know it was a she?” Flam demanded.

I looked at him and smiled. “I didn’t.”

Technically, I really didn’t, but that doesn’t mean I was truthful. When you spot a magical glow, you can be fairly certain whether it’s a mare or a stallion that’s casting it. While color might not tell you much, the way in which the pony’s using it definitely can, even if it’s not foolproof. Years of studying and training with unicorns will sharpen your senses like that.

When somepony touches you with magic, it’s a bit like a hoofshake, or a hoofbump. Or, if you’ve made them angry, a kick. Either way, there’s a certain finesse to it that’s different from mares to stallions. You will find exceptions, make no mistakes about that, but for the most part, you can roughly tell the caster’s gender and what they intend to use the magic for the moment you feel it. And the snug embrace of the magic that ended up pooled at my hooves was reason enough to suspect a mare was behind it.

Whatever the technicalities, I felt quite proud of myself for asking that; one extra piece of the puzzle, even if I didn’t even know how big the box was. Flam was satisfied with that answer and probably a little embarrassed for revealing a part of the unicorn’s identity. I knew I wouldn’t just get to meet her, so the best course of action was to see what else I could learn.

“You have me here. Now what?”

Flim’s response came almost too soon. “First, we have to get rid of that book you’re carrying.” He pointed at my saddlebags and kept the pose, waiting for me to oblige.

Damn.

That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t know what Carrot and the brothers were up to, but that book was the best piece of evidence I had that it wasn’t anything good. By the time I would have been able to convince anypony of going to Dodge City to investigate, the machine and everything with it would probably be gone, including Carrot. The only thing that would make his disappearance faster would be if I outright refused to cooperate. But that wasn’t my only problem.

They know something’s gone wrong.

Somepony on the train must have tipped them off, but who, and how? Hondo immediately came to mind, but so did a mental slap to the back of my head. If there was one pony who could never be a spy, it was Hondo; he was far too noticeable. Unless that was the idea all along, but at if I went down that road, I might as well have started speculating whether the floor boards of my carriage were enchanted to watch over me. That even made more sense, since I hadn’t told anypony about the book, unless my behavior gave too much away.

I reluctantly looked at my saddlebags. It was a pointless exercise as they were not illuminated by the brothers’ well measured magic or the mare’s glowing glue. As soon as I did that, Flim continued laying out the plan.

“Then, we get you out of this wooden box and escort you out.”

I didn’t know if I should take that as a veiled threat or not. He certainly didn’t say it that way, but I was yet to hear either of them speak in anything other than their usual upbeat tone, even when they were trying to be secretive. It certainly would be expected at this point, if I was right in thinking that they wanted to get rid of the evidence. My case against Carrot was falling apart faster than it began. I had to delay that.

“And this won’t look suspicious because?”

Flam replied, “Because you’re sick and you fell asleep in the carriage.” I still wasn’t used to how rapidly they could talk, even if I was getting used to how well prepared their answers were.

“Yes, and we’ll be the good ponies that found you and escorted you out in the open.”

Escorted me?

This sounded like a terrible plan, from their side at least. The brothers would be recognized the moment they set hoof outside and I knew the Guards wouldn’t look kindly at them, since they were nervous enough to kidnap me for the book in the first place. Worked like a charm for me, though.

I said “Okay,” in much the same manner as they were replying to me before.

I had one chance to get them out in the open, and I wasn’t going to lose it. The moment I blindly found my book in the saddlebag, I turned it over. Even the brothers exchanged surprised glances before Flam took the book and put it in his own saddlebags.

With an uncertain smile on his face, surprised that I gave in so easily, Flam shook his head and said, “Alright then, let’s go!”

The magic underneath me disappeared, and I already made an anxious step to escape my prison, but the brothers stood still for a moment longer. They summoned additional magic to their horns.

The green magic spread all over their bodies, momentarily enveloping them in a sharp green field. My blood froze as I watched the lightshow playing out in front of me; I suddenly felt like a moth drawn to the flame, having been tricked into giving over the book only for them to make good on the half-spoken threat. The field disappeared before my fight or flight reflex could set the course. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this: On my right side stood the conductor and on my left there was the train operator. At least I assumed it was the one who operated the train on the return trip, even though I never saw him. More to the point, the two brothers had transformed into the train personnel. This was magic on a level I hadn't thought possible. I was speechless.

I'd lost the book, and now I lost the ponies who had kidnapped me. I didn't even need to imagine how crazy I would sound if I started screaming at the Guards about what I had just seen. In the blink of an eye, everything I could have used against Carrot disappeared. Almost everything. I still knew what I saw and what I had read. The only thing I could hope for now was that somepony would believe me.

“Sir, it’s time to leave the train.” Flim, the conductor said, in the casual tone I had grown accustomed to.

“Yes, we’re already in maintenance,” the operator added, “By the way, you don’t look so good.” The way he rose a hoof to his chest and cringed in concern was merely further proof of how much practice he’d had in the role.

“Yes, you should probably see a doctor. Come with us, please. Oh, and mind the lights.”

Candle lamps came to life on the walls of the maintenance building, casting an orange shadow across the red bricks. The gentle flickering of flames moved the shadows on the walls, but there were also slanted straight lines trembling from above. My moment of detachment was brought to an early end by the embrace of two hooves, as the Flim-Flam brothers took ahold of me to guide me out. A minute earlier, I would have resisted their attempt; now I was defenseless.

Even their hooves, helping to stabilize me, felt normal. I couldn’t wrap my head around that. The brothers were taller than the crew they were portraying, yet nothing seemed out of place.

It was only on the inner platform of the maintenance building, when they had eased their grip, that I started looking around again, just in case I would need to escape. But where would I escape to? The shadows were coming from a wide array of wall-mounted shelves, filled with tools and spares parts for the train, with massive counters below holding the equally massive parts, disassembled for repairs. One of the wide, slanted shadows passed over me; enormous steel girders spanned the roof, carrying the weight of the bricks above.

But there were only three exits that I could see, all of them shut for now: The steel door at the end of the platform that we were walking toward, another one up a short staircase behind us and the oversized doors for the train that had so loudly shut once the train was inside. The windows made my hairs stand on edge, though. The frames were there, as were the wooden bars that hold the glass panels in place, but there was no glass. Only shadows playing on dark stone.

The whole station was encased in a marble tomb.

A jolt ran dawn my neck, all the way to the hooves, as Flim suddenly started trotting toward the door. Flam tightened his grip on me when I twitched, while Flim casually unlocked the door to let us out. Just at that door opened to reveal to bright morning outside, a clanking sound from behind revealed that door also being opened. Two maintenance workers came through and descended to the shop floor. A single wave from Flam was enough to nip their curiosity in the bud.

Outside, the brothers’ predictions came true. Royal Guards were on the way, walking so fast they were almost trotting. Words and sentences were rapidly forming in my mind; shouts for arrests, cries for help, anything to get them to react to the two transformed stallions next to me. Only I had nothing to tell them. Nothing that would carry any weight, at least. Even as my lips wanted to grow apart, I held them shut.

“Why, good mor-”

“Specialist Neigh?” the squad commander cut off Flam’s joyful salute and the brothers acted out the mood-shift perfectly.

“Yes?” I stopped, forcing the brothers to do the same. The half-dozen Guards now blocking our path would have seen to that either way.

“What were you doing in there?”

There was a hint of the personal in the way he asked that; as if I had insulted him off-duty and the only thing standing between what he said and far harsher words were the fact that we were in uniform. It wasn’t the first time that I had seen him, but I had never spoken to him before.

I gave my best reply in a contrite voice, “I overslept the station. I haven’t been…”

“You need to come with us.” The abruptness was far from protocol.

“What is this about?” I spoke as slowly as I could, even though my mouth wanted to blurt everything out in a second.

“We’ll discuss it later.”

I don’t know why he did it, but Flim intervened, taking half a step toward the Guard, “Now, I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding. This young Specialist really hasn’t been very well on the way back.”

My breath cut short as he said that. For all their planning, Flim sure seemed eager to make the Guard suspicious; you don’t argue with the Royal Guards on their good days. And this Guard was not having a good day today.

“Keep out of this, it doesn’t concern you,” the Guard informed him. “But it does concern your train.”

“You want to board my train?” Flam intervened.

He wanted to play with his mustache again, forgetting his alternate body didn’t have it. With his hoof already at his muzzle, he suddenly remembered that and changed the motion to an un-elegant swipe of the hoof across his mouth and over his mane, correcting it. The Guard frowned at the coarse gesture and I could tell Flim didn’t enjoy it either.

“Yes. We have reason to believe Specialist Neigh might have taken something of value.” He turned to me suddenly. “And we don’t think he has it on him.”

The urge to calmly say; “The train operator has it,” was drowned out only by the rational part of my brain screaming at me that the book disappeared along with Flam's original saddlebags and the irrational part screaming that the Guards knew about the book and were waiting for me because of it. The whole thing was too complex to argue about it with a Guard and risk forcing the brothers into hiding. I needed to talk to somepony higher up, if I had any chance of being heard.

“Taken what?” Flam was persistent, I’ll give him that. The Guard tried a different tactic, before he would likely resort to more aggressive options.

“Nothing you should be worried about,” the Guard told him with a forced, professional-courtesy smile, “Now, if you don’t mind?”

Flam leaned on his legs. “I’m afraid the train is being serviced. You’re free to board once it’s finished, though!”

Flim nervously glanced at his brother while the Guard merely cocked his head, as if he didn’t quite understand what Flim had just said. I couldn't understand why he had said it. The Guard narrowed his eyes and I could see him weighing his options, deciding whether to issue an ultimatum, arrest the train crew along with me, or give kindness another shot. His muscles tensed up, and he was about to make a step forward when Flim cut in.

“Just let them pass!” Flim jelled at his brother, and for once I could make out genuine fear in his voice.

“But my train is being…” Flam started, but Flim angrily pointed his hoof at him and then at the maintenance station, nearly striking me in the process.

“Tell them to take a break and let the gentlecolts in!”

“Fine!” Flam shouted back before turning away from him and pouting.

I genuinely couldn’t tell whether they were acting or if either of them had stopped. The squad leader signaled to the Guards by his side and most trotted onward into the maintenance station, leaving only one Guard beside the leader. Soon, we could hear them arguing with the workers inside.

“Thank you,” the squad leader said to the brothers; a warning more than anything else. Then it was my turn to feel under pressure, “Come with us.”

Once again I was in a pony sandwich, only instead of the two brothers flanking my flanks, it was two Royal Guards. The one that was so eager to speak to me was on my left and the other one was to my right. The train station was fast approaching, but at the last second we took a detour and circled around it. I could soon see why. There was no need to go there anymore, not with a sky-chariot waiting close to the main entrance. Subtlety was a virtue missing from the Guards’ list. The newly emotionless expressions on their faces were at least enough to prevent this turning into a spectacle for the ponies hanging about the train station. Instead, it merely looked as two Guards and a Specialist returning from a training mission or an exercise of some sort. Nopony paid attention to us for more than a few seconds, even as we boarded the chariot and took off.

We stayed silent for the whole trip. My stomach grew heavier the more we rose from the ground and I kept going back to the moment when the conductor told me we were nearing the city. Scenarios began unfolding of how I could have escaped the train before it came to a halt; how I would leap out a window or walk nonchalantly to the doors at the side and pulled them open. Maybe I’d have to pull the emergency break before that, but in any case the brothers’ plan would have been foiled. It wasn’t like they could have just glued me to the spot – other passengers would have noticed something’s wrong. But all my retrofitted escape plans had one flaw: I didn’t know I was in danger.

The realization forced me to think about the alternative; what would have happened if I’d chosen not to give them the book. For a moment, I drew a blank. There were places I simply refused to go. The worst case scenario that I could manage was that they’d somehow incapacitate me, and take the book with force, but there was always a more sinister option.

They can shapeshift.

Instead of opting-out of scenarios that lay ahead, I suddenly saw flashes of what that implied; all the terrifying possibilities that that brought with it.

I winced. For the first time on the chariot I started feeling the cool air sinking into my fur. The pain in my stomach aside, I once again focused on what to do, now that the only piece of real evidence against Desert Carrot was lost to two shape-shifting unicorns. How would anypony believe that? And how did the Guards even know that I took the book? I squinted at the squad leader and the accusation that had brought me home early became clear as day.

The whole thing with Dodge was a trap.

They might not have had the book, but you’ll never see a Royal Guard escort somepony like that unless they had something on him. I wasn’t sure about the charade with the brothers, and how that fit into the grand scheme of things, but either they were going to produce the book, or they had enough evidence from elsewhere to punish me. All that was left to do was to figure out how much damage I had done with that little trip to Dodge and what the ramifications will be.

Given that I was already left off the hook once, even if they didn’t actually have anything to hook me on, it was silly to expect them to do the same again. So, in what way would they choose to poke me with a sharp stick this time, perhaps by adding more chores or limiting my personal time? A combination of both and some lavatory cleaning? The possibilities were endless and they helped me pass the few minutes it would take to reach the Academy. The strange part was that I calmed down as soon as I started thinking about the practical side of my inevitable punishment.

Out of pure habit, I looked around me, even though my view was severely limited on both sides due to my temporary bodyguards. I couldn’t see too many details of the city behind me, but I did manage to notice something odd. The chariot had gained a fair altitude, so that most of Canterlot was now below us, and I could see the rooftops of the Academy in the distance, but we were still climbing. I had never flown from the train station to the Academy, but that kind of flight path didn’t make any sense. The only way this could work was if we were supposed to reach some predetermined altitude and then go into a sharp dive, but that would be as pointless as it would be stressful for the two Guards pulling the thing through the air. The mountainside was also coming too close for comfort.

I halted my theorizing and nervously looked around through any gaps between the body of the Guard to my right and the chariot itself to see where we were going, but the only thing I could see was that we were definitely hugging the mountainside. Were we going to the top of the mountain? What’s going to happen there?

I looked behind and saw Canterlot disappearing behind the mountain, but any fear of going to the peak was put to rest when the chariot began descending in the same breakneck speed I had anticipated earlier, only now we were turning as well, still keeping close the giant rocks on our right. This side of the mountain was uncharted territory as far as I was concerned, but I knew there were no outposts perched on its side or on the hills and valleys underneath it. But there was something else.

The trees on the slope of the hill were approaching rapidly and with them, our destination. A gap in the trees, illuminated by dim light from below, was just big enough to fit the chariot if the Pegasi flying it had the accuracy to hit it at just the right angle. With a few sharp adjustments they lined up the chariot and the trees swallowed us whole. Small lights flashed by as we flew through a narrow corridor dug into the mountainside. Wooden beams passed over our heads and small rocks ricocheted off the Guards’ armor as they crumbled from the ceiling. My faux-armor dealt with them surprisingly well, but I keep a hoof over my head for obvious reasons. All the time, the Pegasi at front steered the chariot through the twists and turns, knowing the path so well they could probably have flown it blind. Given the tiny amount of light they effectively were.

I was having hard time breathing. The fear was long ago masked by the adrenaline of flying so fast in such a contained space, but the air around me had changed. It was becoming heavier and heavier. Warmer, too. I didn’t even notice that I had started sweating until I stretched my neck to free my throat. The feeling of my sweat soaked mane as it reluctantly slid over it was as uncomfortable as it was unmistakable. A single spot of light appeared in the distance and grew with every moment. We were approaching a cavern of some kind and the chariot slowed its approach until we were merely gliding through the air.

A myriad of lamps illuminated the chamber carved into the rock, their light only broken in places by pony shapes standing on each side. The sound of heavy doors sliding into place echoed all around as we stopped in the middle of the chamber. For a moment, lights appeared even from behind, coating the entire ceiling in a warm glow before it disappeared entirely. Only one source of light remained – a small glass lamp hung from the ceiling. I was blind.

Hoofsteps approached as the two Guards onboard the chariot grabbed me and half-dragged me to the ground. I could hear the Pegasi take to the sky again, if only to move the chariot out of the way, while the sound of hoofsteps became ever louder. My eyes were still adjusting to the darkness, but I could see the shapes of a few ponies standing around me, barely illuminated by the small lamp high above.

“Specialist Neigh Swifty, operating under Preceptor…” the high voice of a mare narrated my resume in a flat tone.

This was no ordinary hearing.