Discord writes a Fanfic

by MrPengu1n

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 2577

So this is where I write the description, I presume? Well, to make it quite simple, it is I, Discord, and the ponies are now trapped in my story. What fun!

Hello out there all you in the web-o-verse, it is I, Discord, and I'm writing a fanfiction! But here's the catch, the ponies are trapped in my story, and they can only escape if they answer my riddle. In the meanwhile, I get to do whatever I want in the story, since it's my story, after all.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-26 22:01:28 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a warm, sunny day in Ponyville; the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything was right with the world.

What a bore.

Let's shake it up a bit, shall we? Instead of a warm, sunny day, let's make it a stormy day. Storms are my favorite. Oh wait, the pegasi control storms, don't they...? You know what? I don't care. My story, my rules. Call it artistic license.

Oh, that's right! How silly of me, I haven't introduced myself yet! I am the author of this delightful little tale, Discord, the spirit of chaos. And, since I am the spirit of chaos, after all, I've decided to have a little fun with my writing. You see, everything I write will come true; let's see what fun we can have.

Now where were we? Ah yes, stormy day, and what's a story without characters? Throw in some ponies! Egghead, Tomboy, Cowgirl, Marshmallow, Scaredy-cat, and Crazy. They'll do. Now then, they'll need a setting won't they? Let's keep it simple, at the library. But that isn't chaotic enough, let's put them in a tent, out in the woods. Oh yes, that'll do nicely.

So, the six ponies wake up in their tent. The storm is raging outside, and none of them have any idea what has just happened.

Oh bore, they're going to start talking, won't they? Eh, I'll let they story tell itself for a bit; we'll get to the fun stuff later.

Anywho, the six ponies wake up, and Twilight is obviously the first one to speak, "Where are we?" She asks obviously, rubbing her eyes and shaking her head. Oh Twilight, you're supposed to be the smart one here, if you have to ask your friends, you think they'll know any better than you do?

But anyway, her friends respond in a completely predictable and not fun in any way tone, "Ah don't know, Twi," That was Applejack, by the way, if you couldn't tell by my clever use of southern dialect.

"Ooh, my head hurts," Complained Rarity. Honestly, if it wasn't one thing with this pony, it was the other. She was my least favorite.

"I didn't know you were planning a storm today, Rainbow Dash," quietly observed Fluttershy as she stretched out her muscles from sleeping on the ground, feeling well rested. Yes, I am giving her special favor, why would I not? She fills my food bowl.

"I-I wasn't..." Stammered Rainbow Dash, struggling to remember the events of last night, of which there were none, which would explain why it would be so hard to remember them. "What are we doing in a tent? I don't remember going camping."

"Who cares?" Objected Pinkie Pie, grinning from ear to ear, "Surprise Sleepover Party!" Oh Pinkie, you are so random. You're my second favorite. Come to think of it, she was the only one who could enjoy my chaos...

"I don't know about this, girls," Twilight said, trying to make sense of the situation in her classic, boring way. "Look around you, we don't have any sleeping bags, or anything!"

Whoops, she's right! I forgot to write in some sleeping bags. Hang on, let me fix that.

The ponies were all safely cuddled in their favorite sleeping bags, cuddling their pillows.

"What the...?" Twilight asked, wondering why she was suddenly cuddling a pillow in a sleeping bag. But wasn't it warm, Twilight? Weren't you cozy? I was only trying to make your situation more comfortable, just go with it.

Wait a minute, my story, my rules! I can make her go with it.

Twilight simply shrugged and went with it, thinking she just hadn't noticed the sleeping bags before.

Hehehe.

"Ah've got a feelin' somethin's not right here..." Applejack mused, scratching her chin. Oh yeah, I had made Twilight go with it, but nopony else. Oh well, let her wonder.

It's getting boring, I don't like that. Suddenly, a brilliantly chaotic bolt of lighting struck somewhere in the forest, interrupting the calming rhythm of the rain. The sky lit up and the tent shook with the thunder, causing Applejack to flinch, Rarity to squeal, and Fluttershy to dive into her sleeping bag and start trembling.

Aww, don't be scared Fluttershy.

Fluttershy found a stuffed animal in the folds of her sleeping bag. She took it and cuddled it, calming down and smiling.

Good girl.

Twilight hadn't reacted, too deep in thought, "Hmm..." was all she said.

Pinkie Pie was talking Rainbow's ear off over there in the corner of the tent; Rainbow had her head buried in her pillow. I bet she was grateful for the pillows.

"Storms, lightning, and all of us waking up in a tent with no memory of how we got here..." Twilight mused, cuddling her pillow. Her brow suddenly furrowed and she frowned, "Discooooooord!" She yelled to nopony in particular.

Well it appears I have been found out. Oh well.

A rather handsome marble bust of my head appeared in the corner, wearing a devilish smirk, "Yes?" it asked the ponies.

"Discord!" Yelled Applejack, just catching on, "What in the sam hill do ya think yer doin'?"

The rest of the ponies nodded in agreement, except for Pinkie Pie, who was still talking her mouth off.

My bust smiled, "Oh you ponies are so boring, I'm just trying to have a little fun!"

"What sort of fun?" Asked Twilight, unamused by my hilarity.

"I'm writing a fanfiction, and you're all starring!" I announced proudly.

"A fanfiction?" Scoffed Rarity, who immediately fluffed her mane vainly, "You had better make me look good."

"What do you want from us, Discord?" Rainbow Dash asked confrontationally.

Gosh, these ponies! Always thinking I was up to something, couldn't I just be trying to have a little fun? But, I guess I do need a reason, I can't just keep them in my story forever with no purpose.

Alright, you ponies win. You want purpose? Fine. My handsome marble bust looked at each pony in the tent and said, "Alright, fine. I will let you ponies go if you answer my riddle. In the meantime, I get to do whatever I want in the story until you solve it. Oh, and everypony needs to know the answer, deal?"

"No!" Everypony said in unison.

"Too bad," My bust replied, "My story, my rules." And with that, the bust promptly vanished, being replaced by a scrap of paper with something scrawled on it.

Twilight took the paper and read aloud, "The poor have me; the rich need me; if you eat me, you will die; but I can never be touched. What am I?"

Simultaneously, the six ponies scratched their chins in thought.

Oooh, I'm already shaking in anticipation, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Oh wait, I get to decide.

Marvelous.

Rarity

You know, I've been thinking. Trying to keep track of six different ponies all in the same place trying to figure out the same riddle is...well, difficult. Plus, if they're all together they could put their heads together and come up with the answer much, much sooner and we simply can't have that. I want to have all the fun I can with this story, so here's my proposal.

I'm going to split the ponies up and give them each their own story, where they try to find out the answer to my riddle all on their own. What fun!

Now let's see, who should we start with? I think I'm leaning more towards Twilight Sparkle-oh, that would be fun-but no, let's save her chapter for later. Let's start with somepony simpler, how about Rarity? Ugh, I'm already bored with this story, if I haven't said so before, Rarity is my least favorite.

But nevertheless, a story needs a character.

Rarity, contemplating the answer to my marvelous riddle, blinked. And in an instant, she found herself somewhere else, somewhere far, far away from her friends, and utterly alone.

"Wh-where am I?" She says, eyes full of fear, and movements suddenly shaky.

Calm down, dear, I'm not going to hurt you-Celestia, no!-this is your story, dear, what kind of story kills the main character?

A very good one.

Rarity calms down somewhat, "Well...alright, if you say so."

...Wait a minute.

Rarity, can you hear me?

"Well, of course I can!" Rarity exclaims obviously, "I can't see you though, you're like a voice in my head."

...Well. What an odd turn of events.

"What do you want from me, Discord?" Said Rarity, "And stop saying that after everything I say!"

Oh, you're talking about the 'said Rarity' parts. Well, I suppose so, since your dialogue would be the only dialogue.

"Thank you."

Now, Rarity, I'm curious. I haven't given you a setting, what can you see?

Rarity squints her eyes, looking this way and that, "I...I don't see anything. It's like, a void, of sorts. There's only me!" her voice is rising, "Where am I?"

Rarity, calm down. Gosh, you can be such a drama queen sometimes!

She's offended by that, "Well, I never!"

Alright, this is getting boring. Remember, Rarity, you're supposed to be finding the answer to my riddle.

"Well can I at least get a setting? This empty void is...intimidating."

Ugh, alright, fine.

Rarity blinked, and she found herself in a thick, green swamp, moss and ivy everywhere, the water is a murky brown, and the trees are short and-

"EEEEEEEEEEE!" Rarity jumps up and sprints as far away she can go, tripping over roots and slamming her hooves into muddy waterholes. The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife, hot and grimy-

"TAKE! ME! BACK!"

...

Fine.

Rarity finds herself utterly alone, the only thing in the universe. There is no time here, no space, no light, no dark. Nothing but her.

She takes several deep breaths, gasping for air. She tries to clean off her hooves, but they are already clean. Logically so, if she is the only thing in the universe, then there would be no-

"Would you just shut up!"

...

Rarity, I am the narrator of this tale. You are under my control. I am being very, very giving with you. You don't have any idea the atrocities that could pour out of these claws, you should fear the settings I can create with these words. This is my story, and Rarity my dear marshmallow, it may be a shock, but here, you are not the center of the universe. You are not in control here.

Rarity is quiet. She chose to be of her own free will, I did not make her. I could make her do anything I wanted, but she chose to do this, so I am allowing it.

Have you ever wondered, Rarity, that this is what life is? Do you think this is why ponies fear the Powers That Be? In an instant, I could put you wherever in the universe I wish. Each and every word I continue to write is me consciously choosing to keep you alive. Do you even know for sure that this is reality? How do you know I haven't been writing this tale from the moment you were born? How do you know if anything is real anymore? I can choose to do whatever I want in this tale, so I have just one question for you.

Why would you think you can choose here?

Tears spill out of Rarity's eyes. Tears of fear. "Please...stop," she begs.

...

Rarity, don't cry. Don't cry. I...I'm sorry. I should not have snapped at you, I'm better than this, I promise. Look, look what I can create.

Rarity found herself in an elegant ballroom, wearing a magnificent dress designed by her own hooves. Ponies of all shapes and sizes surround her, holding small conversations here and there. Fine wine and cheeses cover the tables, and a wonderful musician is playing a melodious symphony in the background.

"I..." Rarity says to herself, holding her hoof over her mouth in awe. Her eyes go this way and that, drinking in the scene. With each and every passing moment, the setting becomes sharper, more defined. The tables have a wonderful eggshell tablecloth, with a decorative circular crimp for edging. There is a set of stairs which leads high up into the rest of the ballroom, and a marvelous crystal chandelier bigger than her is hanging from the ceiling, far, far ahead.

"I..." Rarity repeated, "I don't know what to say." she is smiling.

You just wait, Rarity, it gets better.

"Ladies and Gentlecolts!" Called a voice from the top of the staircase. Heads turn to see the announcer speak to the crowded ballroom. "I hope you all are enjoying yourself-and I should think so, our workers have had to open the next case of wine!"

A collective chuckle goes through the crowd, and the announcer continues. "I have called your attention because our guest of honor has finally arrived," he gestures to you, Rarity, "I welcome you, Miss Lady Rarity!" the audience applauds you.

Tears are streaming down your face now, "I, I can't believe it," You say.

You see, dear, I can create this as easily as anything! I started this story simply wanting to have some fun, but you ponies wanted some plot. You wanted me to have a reason. So, I gave you a simple riddle. But it's turned into something much, much more than that. I'm going to take this opportunity to teach you something worthwhile.

You're smiling. "This is..."

It's everything you've ever wanted, isn't it, Miss Rarity? I gave it to you, this is your story.

You're crying now, but they're tears of joy, aren't they? You nod, "Thank you, Discord."

Never thought you'd say that, now would you? I'm quite enjoying this time with you, dear.

You open your mouth, but you say nothing. Excuse me, dear, but I want to explain you a thing. This ballroom here, isn't it grand? It's amazing, marvelous, everything you've ever wanted.

But it's not real.

You see those doors over there? Outside, there is nothing. I haven't written anything else in. This ballroom, these ponies, and you are the only things in the entire universe. Does that make it feel any less real?

You look down at your hooves. You're wearing glass slippers, the most beautiful things you've ever seen. But it's not real, to anyone else, what you see is merely words on a page. "Why are you telling me this?"

I want you to learn, dear. Look at these ponies. They don't exist, and yet there they are, talking and chatting high societal talk as if they were as real as the nose on your face.

"It's..." you say slowly, "It's nothing."

"That's it! The answer to your riddle! Nothing! That's the answer." You're beaming, proud of yourself for solving my petty riddle.

Oh, but my dear, the true riddle goes much, much deeper.

However, in accordance with my promise, I will release you.

With one last look around the marvelous ballroom, you close your eyes

And wake up.

I'm all alone now, in this false universe I created. Do you think I taught that pony anything? My only regret is that I actually let her tears distract me from being chaotic!

Ah well, there are chapters yet to be written. I suppose something exciting will happen in those. Who should I pick next?