and with that... everythingby The Anonymous WriterChaptersChapter One: EverythingChapter Two: NothingChapter Three: AlwaysChapter One: Everythingand with that... everything The Anonymous Writer ————————— Chapter One: Everything I'm holding a piece of paper when I come out of the doctor's office. I'm also frowning. I don't like doctors, and I sure as hell don't like people assuming that there are things that are wrong with me. Twilight Sparkle is waiting as I step into the warm summer afternoon. Her smile reassures me, but only for a moment. She takes one look at my mug, and I can see her muzzle fall. My feelings on the matter are irrelevant. Who are they to say that there aren't ponies with me? I can see them, I can hear them, and I can touch them. Just because these assholes can't, shouldn't be any reason to make the claim that I'm insane. Medical examination after medical examination, and in the end there is nothing that suggests there is anything wrong with me. Just other people's opinion, that's all; absolutely nothing proof positive. "What did the doctor say?" she asks as I move to stand beside her. I catch her trying to read the paper I'm holding. "The same shit they always say," I tell her. "I don't like that word, Tommy." "Sorry." The sidewalk is hot and getting hotter, so I do my best to distract her by suggesting that we get something to drink before we take the long walk back to my apartment. Twilight gives me that smile again; the one from earlier that ended too soon, and can now come back out into a full radiant beaming glow. I love that smile on her the best. As we make our way down the Houston sidewalk, Twilight enjoys complete and total freedom. No one questions her presence, and no one pays her any mind. To everyone there, she is more or less invisible. She can interact with people, but it's as if she is nothing more than a strong gust of wind, or a figment of their imagination. She can come and go freely in my world, and that is the foundation of my condition. The linchpin of the whole issue regarding my sanity, is how Twilight Sparkle and her friends can be in my world and not attract attention; and how I can be in their world and be completely seen and heard. I try to be a good sport whenever I'm in Ponyville, but my inability to share or offer the same experiences of welcome and worldly interaction are driving me bonkers. Maybe that was the wrong word to use. Oh ha ha. I'm not off my rocker yet. Four months of being able to do what I do, and see what I see haven't made me go into any kitchen and start pulling out sharp things to stick the pointy ends into anyone... yet. If I were of the mind to start, though, then the doctors would be the first on my list of special victims. Twilight is right on my heels when we enter a coffee shop and get in line. She's learned to stick as close to me as possible to keep from bumping or brushing up against anyone. After several accusations of inappropriate physical conduct thrown at me, I've made it my mission to keep her close. So, when I say that Twilight was "on my heels," I damn well mean it. She was all but stepping on the sons of bitches. While we stood in line, I noticed that Twilight kept wanting to see what was written on the note that the doctor had given me, but I wasn't ready to let her see it yet, and I nonchalantly stuffed it into the back pocket of my jeans. No point in worrying her unnecessarily. When it was our turn at the counter, Twilight tapped me on my leg and said that she wanted a caramel blended iced coffee. I made the mistake of turning to look at her, and nodding. I looked back up to see the barista looking at me with an odd expression and taking quick glances at the spot on the floor where Twilight was standing. When she raised her eyebrows in a questioning manner, I said, "I thought I saw something purple on the floor." I flashed her a quick shit eater grin. "Must've been my mistake." "Eww," she said, "it's probably somebody's gum." "Either that or it's a purple pony that follows me around everywhere." Then I gave an Academy Award winning laugh, and tapped my palms on the counter. "Two blended iced coffees please. One caramel, and the other dark chocolate with extra whipped topping." "I didn't know you were a comedian," I heard Twilight mumble from next to me. * * * * * Two blended iced coffees later and we were on our way back to my apartment. It was a nice apartment on the west side of Houston; expensive and loaded with art. The truth is, it was my brother's apartment before he died in Afghanistan or Uzbekistan or some stan in the fight against global terrorism. In his will he had left everything to me, and I didn't see any reason to redecorate. That was two years ago. Twilight held her coffee, using her magic to levitate it close to her. And before you go off pumping your fists into the air saying, "Ah hah! People would be able to see the cup!" I need to point out that, that isn't the case at all. Once Twilight or any of the other ponies take something it literally vanishes. People don't see it. I could hand her a briefcase full of money, or the arming codes for a bunch of nukes, and no one on earth would be able to see that she had them. So, there. Take that you picky bastards. All the way back to the apartment, I knew that Twilight was wanting to ask about the doctor's visit in more detail, and I did everything I could to distract her from the question. She wasn't the sort of girl to take that kind of thing lying down. Of course, when I say "girl", I really mean "pony." I knew she was wanting to ask, and by the time we reached the steps of the apartment, she was irritable. She wouldn't come right out and tell me she was angry, she would just sort of seethe with inner turmoil and then at some point everyone would hear this sound like a popping cork; and that would be Twilight fizzing out in the corner, because she couldn't handle keeping it to herself anymore. Stopping short of entering the building, I regarded Twilight for a second, and then told her, "Ask me." "Ask you what?" She batted her eyes at me in a coy manner, and I was sure that she was just pretending to not know what I was wanting her to ask me. "C'mon," I said. "I know you've practically got the William Tell Overture playing at full volume in your chest. So just ask me about the doctor's visit already." She gave me the look. I don't know if it's ingrained in every female in the universe, but the look is definitely something that they must be genetically born to dispense onto men at a given time; and it was my time to get it. "What?" I asked. It was my turn to give off the ignorant look. Except in my case, it just made me come off as looking stupid. "I'm worried about you, Tommy. I wanted you to tell me earlier. I've been on pins and needles since you came out. And don't think that I didn't see you put the paper in your pocket at the coffee shop." If she could have, she would have stood up straight and placed her hooves on her hips, and then dove into a lecture on making a woman wait. "Look, I'm sorry." I pulled the paper out of my pocket, and passed it to her. "You want to know what it says? It's a prescription for medication, is what it is." "Medication?" "Yeah, medication." I couldn't help it. I felt really weird. I wanted to go off by myself and just not look back for a long time. "It's a remedy for a condition that the doctor says makes me see hallucinations. Only he says they aren't hallucinations; that you and Applejack, and everyone else that I see are all just mental projections from my own broken subconscious." "He thinks that we're all in your head?" "He thinks that whenever I supposedly go to Ponyville, I'm really just standing in my shower instead, mumbling to myself, pretending I'm talking to you. Then when it's time to go to bed, I climb out of the shower, go put on my PJs, and sleep." I was shaking my head as she looked over the paper. I was positive that she couldn't understand the scribble that is inherent in almost all medical practitioner's penmanship, but she did at least try. I realize that it does sound rather fishy. A portal into a magical world appearing in my shower. How original, right? I mean seriously, I'd probably want to slap cast iron restraints on my ass and haul me to the local funny farm too; if it wouldn't look like an even more convincing case of my lunacy. Portals, ponies, and oh yeah... my shower. I was pretty sure that my brother didn't install a magical portal to Ponyville when he had the shower built. Upon several inspections by plumbers and remodel specialists, there was nothing wrong with the shower, the drain, or the fixtures. When they stepped in and cranked the knobs for the cold or hot water, they got just that, cold or hot water. When I stepped in and turn the knobs I get the whole back wall opening up and showing me the realm of Equestria on the other side. Screwy weird shit, man. Naturally none of those assholes can see into the realms of Ponyville, so once again, I'm the odd duck that see things that other humans can't. Now, I bet you're wondering if I even knew what Ponyville was the first time that it happened, and the answer is: yes. I'm not internet illiterate. I know what bronies are, even if they creep me the fuck out on a scale of five score divided by four. I mean, I've seen the memes, the remixes, and the holy terror that they love to unleash on the unsuspecting idiots loitering furry sites and the regular sites as well. And, before you ask me, no, I was never a brony. I still am not one. I'd just as soon pull out my little stun gun and have them screaming, "Don't taze me bro!" while I laugh with unholy glee. Okay, that's a bit harsh. There are some nice ones out there. Like, uh... uh... damn. Never mind. Anyway, I was super shocked the first time I got naked, stepped into the shower, and turned on the faucet. I turned the faucets and expected water to greet me from the shower head, only there was no water, instead I was greeted with a huge gaping portal. So imagine my shock and awe, standing on the other side of a huge honking window into a world of ponies, cradling my goodies with one hand and steadying my self with the other, praying that I wasn't cracking up. As she stood there scrutinizing the paper, Twilight scrunched up her face and heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm sure he's just full of shit." "Says the pot calling the kettle black." "What are you going to do?" she asked, passing me the paper back. She was looking at me too intently; it made me uncomfortable. The last time someone gave me that sort of look, it was to tell me that someone had died. I really hoped that wasn't what she was able to decipher from the prescription sheet. "I don't want to take any medicine. There is nothing wrong with me. So I see ponies; big deal." I was waving my arms around as I turned to enter the apartment. I was glad that no one saw me. I didn't want to look like a loon. Twilight made a sound as if she wanted to say something, but then she fell short. Perhaps she thought I was tired of talking about it. She had accompanied me on my last three doctor visits, and each time she would wait on me, hoping to see if I'd come out and declare that I was the one person on the whole planet imbued with supernatural powers, and each time I'd come out and give her the disappointing news. I was either physically healthy and they thought I was mentally ill, or I was physically healthy and suffering from some sort of psychosis. Which still equals two plus two in my book. I took the stairs to the fifth floor, in case Twilight wanted to talk, where I could carry on a normal conversation with her and not have to worry about anyone seeing me talking to the floor. Unfortunately, she was silent the whole way up, and I didn't help matters, because I was just as closed mouthed. We made it to my apartment and I unlocked it, expecting to find streamers and confetti all over the place, but to my astonishment, I found it clean and smelling fresh. Twilight entered ahead of me and trotted into the living room where I heard her speaking to another of our pony friends. I took the prescription sheet that I got from the doctor and put it on the table in the kitchen. I was confident that none of the other ponies would see it and want to grill me over it. Dropping the keys to the apartment on the counter top next to the wine rack, I rotated my shoulders to let out some of the stress. I wanted a warm shower, but that wasn't going to happen; not with the magic portal condition of my bathroom. I heard what sounded like a small gruff voice coming from the living room, and I stepped from the kitchen into the large area. I saw Twilight talking with Rainbow Dash as she reclined on the sofa. In front of her she had a plate of what looked like nachos, and she was crunching loudly. Twilight immediately stopped talking and turned to face me when I entered. I knew she was filling Dash in on our outing. Rainbow Dash waited until I was comfy on the sofa next to her, then she brought her left hoof back and planted a firm punch on my shoulder. "Ow! What the hell, man?" "See, that's not the reaction of someone that's having nightmares," she said with satisfaction, then brought another nacho chip to her mouth. "It's not nightmares, it's hallucinations," I corrected her. "Pfft, same difference." To show me that my intellect was no match for her might, she chewed up the chip loaded with cheddar cheese and then showed me her food in her mouth, opening her jaws wide. Then she frowned when I rolled my eyes and reached for one of the chips, hastily cramming it into my food hole. "So what happened to Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?" I asked between smacks of the nacho. "Shy remembered some sort of errand for her bunnies that she needed to go on," Dash said, "and Pinkie Pie was trying to decorate your bedroom with party favors because... well, I have no clue why. So I told her to tag along with Shy." Rainbow put another chip in her mouth and chewed slower. I watched her sneak a glance at Twilight, who was now sitting in the armchair in front of the TV. "So... are you going to take the medicine?" "No!" I said, letting a hint of frustration show in my tone. "I am not taking the chance." "That we really are just hallucinations?" Twilight said, finishing my train of thought. "Yeah, exactly. I don't want to take the risk." I slouched further into the sofa and extended my legs. I felt a sudden sharp pain start working its way into my temples. I didn't want to have that conversation then and there, but like good friends, they know how to push in just the right ways. "Maybe there is something wrong with you," Twilight said. She had a tone to her voice that betrayed a bit of sadness. "You once said yourself that people don't usually see ponies like us in your world. And from what I understand, before you actually saw us face to muzzle, we only existed on a cartoon show." "No!" I said with more force. "I don't want to take the medicine. Don't you two understand that if I do, and you aren't real, then I will have ruined one of the best things in my life?" Rainbow Dash was looking at her plate of nachos silently. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but I needed to make my case as plain as I could. Twilight let out a deep breath. If she were wanting to say more about my issue, she chose the safer path and let it alone. Instead, she roused up a little from the chair and motioned back toward the bathroom. "I have a great idea. Why don't you come have dinner with me at the library this evening? You can get cleaned up at Applejack's house, and when you're good and hungry, you can come eat." It actually sounded like a hell of an idea. "Okay, deal. So long as I don't have to eat grass or hay." I gave her a wink to show that I was playing around. "Don't worry, I won't make you eat oats tonight. I'll have one of the girls bring us some pasta; I'll make some of that All Fred-O that you like." I chuckled at her, and then scooted closer to Rainbow Dash, and threw my arm around her. She squirmed and protected her plate of nachos. "What the hell, dude?" "You wanna come eat pasta, Dashie?" I teased as I mussed her hair, and stole another nacho. "Fine, I'll eat with you, dweeb." When the nacho plate was cleaned and put away, we all went to the shower, and I activated the portal to Equestria. It erupted with a blinding blue glow, and one by one we stepped into the swirling vortex. And with that... everything. Chapter Two: NothingChapter Two: Nothing If you're anything like most people, you'd be curious to know what traveling through a dimensional portal into another world feels like. It feels like a mild electrocution. Not bad enough to make you involuntarily piss your pants, or jiggle your jimmies, or writhe in horrendous agony, but it's something of a shock, nevertheless. I'd have to probably caution against it if you have a weak heart, or are prone to seizures for no apparent reason. So in the interest of all fairness, I did sort of have to electrocute myself each and every time I wanted to travel to Ponyville to be with my friends. They never really seemed to be phased by the portal. From what I could ever tell, they just had a little extra static cling to them, and would randomly pick up lint and cloth; but nothing that seemed near as stupid as me getting a mild zap. I should probably also mention that the portal is fixed in one spot in Equestria: Sweet Apple Acres. So that first time I told you about where I was butt ass naked, cupping my Johnson and the twins—I don't have to tell you that it was Applejack that was the first to meet me. I was embarrassed; it was uncomfortable; there was lots of screaming and yelling and panicking. Big Mac got involved, and then to make matters worse, Granny Smith came to investigate. I wondered if I'd ever be able to have Mr Johnson stand at attention again after that experience. When everything was said and done, I realized that the ponies in Ponyville were pretty decent folk. I use that term loosely of course, because they aren't folk, they're ponies. And I have not forgotten that fact since that day. Nope, not for one minute. When we arrived on the farm, I was immediately greeted by Big Mac. He was out in the fields planting—that's what he did. Don't ask me why they were always planting. All I know is that they only ever gathered apples. Strange, strange, strange. Sort of like one of those mysteries of nature programs on TV; we know it happens, but science has multiple brain-gasms trying to understand it. Big Mac is always stoic when I see him. I'm still not too sure if he even understands what's going on at all. Sometimes I get the distinct impression that he's sort of special, like in a, his momma dropped him on his head sort of way special—a social paradox. Like one of those people that has no clue how to interact in society, but can solve a Rubik's Cube in a matter of seconds. With a curt nod of his head, Big Mac acknowledged my appearing through the portal, and then went off to do more planting. Sheesh. Applejack must make him do all the dirty work. Twilight and Rainbow Dash scattered as soon as we got there, and I strolled past Mac to their house, where I expected to find Applejack doing some chores, or yelling at the help for being, and I quote, "slack jawed tar heads." She always comes off more rough and tumble than she actually is. Truth is, she's a real sweetie when you get to know her, sort of like the tomboy that I used to know that lived a few houses down from mine when I was a kid. Her name was Del. Probably short for Delila or something. She would come over and knock me to the ground, then she would sit on me, and threaten to fart in my ear if I didn't go with her to do some sort of mischief. Sometimes it was tough being Del's friend; but she did show me her boobs once, out behind the portable building we used for a tool shed. She had a birthmark on the left one that reminded me of Garfield. I often wondered if Applejack would be the sort of girl that would show me her boobs, that is, if she had any. Probably best not to go there, you're obviously giving me some pretty strange looks, and I'm no doubt sending out a creepy vibe. "Hey, what's up?" I said, as I approached Applejack. She had her face buried in the open door of her cellar, like she was waiting on something to happen. "Oh, hey, Tommy," she whispered, taking a careful glance out of the cellar, then sticking her head back in the opening. "I'm trying to catch a mouse." "Do you have a mouse trap?" "Yeah, but that varmint is clever. Been getting into my corn sacks; and I want 'em dead." Holy shit, she actually had something besides apples. I was amazed. "Where do you get the corn? I asked. "From town," she said before shushing me. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. Guess the conundrum of what they planted versus what they harvested would never be solved. I was pretty bored standing there waiting on the mouse to fall into its entrapment, so I occupied myself with imagining that Applejack was a pirate at sea, and that she was watching her crew from the upper deck of her ship. I'm kidding. I was sitting on the ground, picking at the bits of burs and sticker weed that had managed to cling to the legs of my jeans as I wandered up to her house. Eventually, she sighed and withdrew her head from the cellar door, and gave me a wary grin. "Guess that rat will have to wait." She gave me an inquisitive look. "You're here for another bath, aincha?" She could almost read my mind, but then over the past four months, my stopping by to borrow her bath tub was no longer an unconventional thing. "Yes, ma'am," I said. "Twilight is cooking me dinner at her place tonight." "Whoo, sounds like somepony is gonna be getting his rope oiled." A quick flash of her teeth, and a punch in the gut, and Applejack trotted off to her front door. "Come on slow poke, the bath ain't gonna go no faster with you standing out here." I have never once considered getting my rope oiled by Twilight, or any of the other ponies in Ponyville. I am a gentleman, sort of. I'm not against a little playing; maybe some tussling, or some hugging, cuddling, and erotic touching because Rainbow Dash said she had an itch that she couldn't reach; but I am not into ponies. I watched her go into the house, and I followed obediently. For some reason, Applejack had the ability to command me, and if she ever knew about it, she would use it to her advantage. Hell, for all I knew, she probably suspected as much, and did use her powers for evil. I knew that I wasn't going to confront her over it. * * * * * The bath was nice and warm. I liked my showers, like anyone, but a bath was the perfect stress relief. I could feel all the turmoil of the day just withering away and melting. For just a few minutes, I didn't have to think about ponies, or work, or the possibility that my friends were a mental disorder. The doctors and the prescriptions, the worry and the dread could all go to hell. It was a shock the first time it happened. And by that I mean, the first time that Applejack walked in on me in the bath. Now it's something of a strange coincidence that she just happens to need in there every damn time I'm in there. If it isn't, "Oh, sorry. I just need to get my brush. Whoops, guess I forgot that it was in my bedroom." Then it's, "Hey, I was wondering if you could take the lid off of this jar of pickled beets, I just love beets." Who in the fuck loves pickled beets? So like I was saying, it was no surprise when five minutes into my bath time, that I hear the faint knocking on the door, and I see Applejack's muzzle pop through. "Hey, partner. Mind if I join y'all for a spell? I'm dirtier than a circus flea at a mud wrasslin' convention in the Dust Bowl." This was a first. It was definitely a first. "Are you serious?" I asked, as I tried to cover myself in the tub. I shouldn't have even bothered. By that point Applejack had probably seen my package more times than I had, figuratively. "Oh, now don't go getting your long johns in a bunch, I used to bathe with Big Mac all the time when I was a filly." "And then I bet suddenly, he decided it wasn't a good idea anymore, right?" "Yeah, always wanting his alone time." I realized as she climbed into the tub and wiggled into place opposite of me, that there was no arguing. She was stubborn, and could always get her way. The tub was accommodating for the two of us. I could have my legs stretched out all the way on either side of her rump, and she could rest her back hooves on my legs just above the knees. She gave me a satisfied grin of accomplishment as she splashed at the water in front of her with her hoof. "This is nice, ain't it?" I shrugged. "It's not bad." "Oh, come on now. I know a dozen stallions out there that would bust their sack at having a pretty filly like me in the bath with 'em." God almighty, she could be crude sometimes. I could only shrug at her, and that was obviously the wrong thing to do. She immediately splashed water at me, landing a generous amount of it in my eye. "You're acting funny." "Maybe it's because I have a pony in the bath with me." "No, it's something else." She frowned, and kicked at me with her right leg, hitting me in the inner thigh. "Does it have something to do with them doctor visits?" "How do you know about that?" "It don't take no genius to figure that out, pumpkin. Every time you come back from visiting one of them, you look like Apple Bloom stole your lunch money." "Apple Bloom is too nice to take anyone's lunch money," I retorted, hoping I could get her off the subject. "Don't let her happy-go-lucky butter ass fool you. She'll knife you, steal your money, then step on you as she walks over your cold lifeless body." For a split second, we stared at each other, then both erupted into laughter. We laughed so hard at the notion that Apple Bloom could rob someone that we jiggled the water in the tub almost out onto the floor as it sloshed back and forth. Then we settled down and Applejack gave me a serious expression. "Come on, shug. Tell me what's eatin' at ya." "The doctors think that I have a condition that makes me see things that aren't there," I said. I was looking down as I told her. "He seems convinced that all of you in Ponyville are part of those things that I see that aren't real. That I have an illness in my head, and you, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Rarity... everyone, are because of the illness." Applejack was frowning hard as I told her this. I could tell that she was getting angry; not at me, but at the doctors. I suspect that if one of them were within the reach of her hooves, she's have strangled the life out of them right there on the spot, and then stomped their ass for good measure. I honestly hadn't seen her make that face before, and I found it alarming. Applejack looked to her left and frowned harder. I could tell she was greatly disturbed by what I told her. Then suddenly she jerked her head back to me and frowned more, baring her teeth. I thought for a second that she was going to bite me in the face, but she took a few deep breaths and relaxed some. "What do you think?" she asked. "I don't know, Applejack. I want to believe so much that it isn't the case, but when five doctors all give me the same diagnosis, what am I supposed to think?" "I can see how this kind of thing would have you being down," she said as she scooted over and leaned against me, pressing her back against my chest. I couldn't help it, I buried my face in her neck and wrapped my arms around her. I squeezed her so tight, it felt as if I was going to push all the air out of her and me both. "I promise that we will always be here," she said to me, as she brought her hooves up and laid them over my arms at her waist. "We will be with you forever." "Applejack," I whispered. "Please, don't say things you know might not be true." * * * * * I'd love to tell you that the hugging that ensued in the bathtub precipitated other things of an intimate nature, but that would be a rather bold lie. In truth, all we did was sit in the tub and hold each other. Then, when I was finished with my bath, we embraced like long lost lovers, sharing a kiss. It wasn't that passionate, but it was sincere. I knew that Applejack wanted me to know a lot of things, and while we both knew that she was not very good with words, or expressing herself, she put every hope, fear, thought, and joy into that kiss; the likes of which, no tongue could tell. The walk to Twilight's place was long and lonesome. I saw several ponies along the way, and I returned their gestures of friendliness. I waved and smiled, pretending that I wasn't walking to my uncertain doom. But I knew deep down that inside the library, once I got there, something was going to happen. Twilight was too smart for her own good, and she was the sort to make things worse at the worst possible times. I entered the library and noticed that there were books all over the place. Not that surprising, really. I couldn't think of a time that there weren't lots of books scattered all over the place. This time, however, there were books littering the floor and everything with a surface that were on one specific topic: mental disorders. I frowned as I picked up one of the books, and held it up to examine. It was a book that outlined several mental conditions in ponies and some other creatures that I had never heard of. There were some sections in the books that were place marked, and I flipped to them easily enough to find that they were on possible cures; the likes of which made me wince. I for one was not eager to have my head subjected to the sounds of a Shrieking Sundrel. Whatever in the hell that was. Still frowning, I walked through the library and into the kitchen where I could hear Twilight bustling about. I creaked the wooden door open and stood in the doorway, holding the book in my hands, letting it fall open to one of the places she had marked, and then marked again. "Doing some light reading?" I asked, which caused Twilight to jump with surprise and let out a shout. "You scared me!" she retorted, spinning around to face me. Then, seeing the book in my hands, her face made an expression of embarrassment. "Oh." "Oh?" I said, stepping into the kitchen. "I thought we were going to have dinner; not discuss my condition." "I'm not discussing it. And I wish that you wouldn't call it, 'your condition,' it makes me uncomfortable." She used her magic and snatched the book from my grasp and sat it on a table in the kitchen. "I want you to enjoy your time here. Look! I've got dinner almost ready." I could smell the food from the time I walked through the library, and my stomach was doing cartwheels at the thought of a delicious meal. "It smells good," I said, as I walked around her to peer into the pots. I could see the pasta in there boiling away, and the Alfredo sauce was almost done. Its aromatic fragrance washing over me like a blanketed fantasy. "Rainbow Dash has some last minute things to take care of in Cloudsdale, and said she might be late, and that we could start eating without her, and Rarity mentioned that she might come over, since she didn't get a chance to see you today." Twilight was standing at the stove, stirring the pots as she spoke. "What about Pinkie and Fluttershy?" I asked. Huffing slightly, Twilight gave me a look of annoyance. "They are still busy with Fluttershy's bunnies. Something about having to go all the way to Hoovesville to get some special formulated food, or Angel won't eat it." "That sounds like Angel," I said, nodding my head. "Is there anything I can help you with?" "You can set the table if you want." Twilight smiled and then rushed over to me, and squeezed me around the midsection. "What's that for?" "I just wanted to give you a hug," she said. I couldn't help it. There was something incredibly adorable about that, and it made my heart want to burst into a million little pieces. I gave her a hug back, and then watched her tear herself away with a giggle as she ran back to the pots. There was a table on the opposite end of the kitchen, and I went to it to clear it of the few dozen books that Twilight had scattered on it from one end to the other. I smiled at the thought of her dragging her books all over the place to read them. I was like that with drinking glasses; I'd get one carry it with me and put it down half finished where ever I could find to set it down. When I finished setting the table, I sat down in the spot that Twilight had said was my spot whenever I was visiting her there. It was a spot right at the head of the table. I had told her that it made me uncomfortable to take that spot, but she insisted that I was always the guest of honor, and that I should have the best seat in the house. Using her magic, Twilight dished out a nice helping of Alfredo pasta onto my plate, and then sat down a long stick of garlic bread. When she did the same for herself, she smiled with a hint of embarrassment as she trotted to the cupboard and brought back a bottle of wine. I was shocked. Twilight was not the sort to ever want to drink with her meals, but I guess that it was some sort of special occasion. Giving her a hand, I popped the cork and then poured us each a glass. She was all smiles, I knew she was ecstatic because she had made me dinner and hadn't set something on fire, or caused a meteor to fall from the sky. I took a sip of the wine, and frowned. "Oh, is it not a good choice?" she said noticing my expression. "It's not that," I said. "It just reminds me of a wine I'm familiar with." "Really, which one?" "A Pinot Bianco, or a Grigio." She tapped her hooves together in delight, and then took a sip. It was a near perfect night. We ate in silence for most of the meal. Twilight did her best to pretend that there wasn't anything on her mind, and I let her pretend. There wasn't any point in spoiling the meal. But just as I pointed out earlier, she had that way of doing the worse things at the worst times. She spoke up and there went the meal. "Tommy, can I ask you a hypothetical question?" "Sure." "If you thought that there was something wrong with me, and you thought that there was a way to make me better; would you want me to get better?" I let out a sigh. I didn't want to have that talk but there was no getting around it. "Is that what this has been about? A nice dinner; my favorite dish; all so you can soften the blow?" "Tommy, answer the question." "Yes, I would want you to get better," I said, staring at my plate. "I'm your friend, right? I mean, we all are. You love us, don't you?" "Of course I love you," I said. "You are what makes life worth living." "Then if you love me, if you love us, you should take the medicine." "I just don't understand why you would want me to take a pill that may or may not make you all disappear. How could you want that?" She looked down at her plate and moved some of the pasta around. "Because, you're suffering." I shook my head. "I'm not suffering, I'm in perfect health." "I've read about this condition of yours, the one that the doctor told you was a psychosis. I read about it, and usually that type of a condition is brought about by a great trauma, or an event that caused it to trigger... Tommy, I don't want you to suffer anymore." "I don't want to lose you," I whispered. "I can't lose you..." "You don't even know that you will. But if you are suffering, I can't watch you live in a delusion, I can't know that you are in pain, or wounded..." She started crying as she looked at her plate. "I want you to be whole. And if that means that you can never be with me again, then I could go on the rest of my life at peace, just knowing that you are alright." "I can't." "Tommy!" She was looking at me then. Her tears were marring the soft lavender of her face. I could feel my heart crumbling into shards with each passing second. I felt the pain... her pain. "Tommy, you are going to stay here tonight. We are going to enjoy our time together, and tomorrow, you will go get your medicine. We will all be with you. We'll spend the whole day together and we'll make the most of it. Then, you will take your medicine, and whatever happens, happens." "Twilight, I..." "Tommy, say it!" I held her gaze for a minute. It was a long minute; long and agonizing. Then, just like that, I nodded my head. My words sounded like someone else's. "I will take the medicine." Wiping at her face with the side of her hoof, Twilight smiled at me. It made my heart wither and fall into my stomach. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to hold her; but all I could do was sit there like a dumbass. I don't know how long we watched each other; minutes, maybe hours. We were interrupted when the door to the library opened and closed, and Rainbow Dash came bounding in. "What a shit storm!" she said, stomping in. "I've never seen the evening crew fuck up so bad." She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw us seated at the table. She looked from Twilight to me, and then back at Twilight. "What's going on in here?" I looked at her and smiled. A single tear had already marked a trail down the side of my cheek. "Nothing." Chapter Three: AlwaysChapter Three: Always I'd like to say that the meal ended on a high note; but that would be something of a lie. Twilight and I had our words, she had her cry, and I accepted my fate. Rainbow Dash came in, and we did our best to pick up with the meal where it had started to go south, but it was pretty much already in shambles, and my stomach was growing into tighter and tighter knots. I sat in the parlor waiting while Rainbow Dash and Twilight finished clearing away the meal, and the dishes, and as I sat there to the sounds of clinking porcelain and silverware, I watched the little dragon, Spike, as he sat across from me, and fiddled with his hands. I've never been able to really figure out what goes on in that little dragon head of his. I only know that he's nice enough, I suppose. When Twilight eventually emerged from the kitchen, I was already dozing on the couch. I don't know how they managed it, but between the two of them, Rainbow Dash and Twilight hoisted me up to Twilight's bed, and tucked me in. I woke up sometime in the night, and felt their warmth beside me. Twilight was snoring softly in my left ear, and Rainbow Dash was drooling on my shirt just below the right shoulder. Gross. Moving her would be a mistake. She had nasty reflexes in her sleep, and whenever anyone touched or bothered her wings, she would get a type of knee-jerk reaction to it. The last thing I wanted was a hoof planted in my stomach, or in my nuts. Opting out of trying to move her mouth away, I settled for just resting my hand on the side of her face, and giving her a gentle caress. It wouldn't be long and I'd either never have them again, or learn that dreams were reality. Their warmth was real enough to me. I couldn't deny that I felt it, but my mind could be just making me react to things that my brain was fabricating. "Hmm, Tommy?" Twilight was yawning, and shuffling herself under the blankets, I pretended to be asleep while I watched her, keeping my eyelids barely closed. "Tommy, are you awake?" I could feel her hooves under the blanket moving to my chest. "Guess not." When she put her arms around me and squeezed me, I felt as if my heart were breaking. Then, as if to send me over the edge, I heard her sniffling, and felt my chest shaking. Abandoning my pretend sleep, I brought my left arm up and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Hey," I said. "What's the matter?" "Nothing," she whispered. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep, I'm sorry that I disturbed you." "Are you sure," I said, slowly inching myself away from Rainbow's muzzle. I could feel her head moving, nodding. "I'm just a little worried." I wanted to comfort her, but there was only so much that I could do for her. I wanted to reassure her in some way, but I knew that anything that I told her would sound like some kind of lame excuse, or me just trying to pacify her in some way. There was really nothing that I could do for her, except let her have her cry. * * * * * Mornings are usually not my thing. I’m not one of those people that’s up and at-‘em by first light, or dressed in my finest and looking to seize the day. Nope, I’m a premium slouch. I like sleeping in, and praying that when I do finally get up, it’s gone from morning to afternoon, and that I didn’t have to bear witness to it. It didn’t come as any huge shock that Twilight and Rainbow were both gone. They were each responsible for things, and were already out and about. Running my hand over the spot in Twilight’s bed where they slept, I wished secretly that they were still with me. I wanted to spend as much time together as possible. As it turned out, there was a note from Rainbow Dash on the counter in the kitchen. It was written in her usual, hasty, sloppy manner, and informed me rather straight forwardly that there were some things in Cloudsdale that needed attending, but since we were all going out later, she would meet up with me then back at my place. If I knew Twilight—and I did—she was probably getting the others together, and working on getting this day started. I knew it was supposed to be my day, but deep down, I knew that it was just as much for Twilight and the others as it was for me. If the time came and I took the medicine, and they disappeared, would they even know it? Would it be something that they would be conscious of? I pretended real well that I had all the answers in front of them, but in the end, I was a terrified mess of emotion and confusion. There were only so many things that I could do in Ponyville, and, while I really wanted to spend as much time with my friends as I could; there was a small part of me that wanted to acclimate to the idea of the unknown. So after I'd given Twilight's bed a brisk straightening, I went back to the portal, and made my way into my shower. Everything was just as I had left it the day before, and for the first time in several days, I had my apartment to myself. There had usually been at least one pony with me at all times it seemed. Or for the majority of it, anyway. For a few hours I had time to rouse up, caffeine up, and slap some color into my cheeks, without being under the ever-watchful eye of Doctor Sparkle MD. The way I was fumbling through the place, it was as though I'd been gone for weeks. Without realizing it, I found myself wandering around the inside of my home and examining all the things in it. Sad to say, it seemed lifeless and empty. As though a huge chunk of energy had been scooped out of the middle. It also seemed very pony-free. Nothing in Rainbow Dash’s note had said when she or the others would be over, so I figured it was time to make the tough march, and go get my prescription filled. Come hell or high water, I had already promised Twilight that I would take the damn medicine. There was no backing out, even though every fiber of my being wanted to run back to Ponyville, and huddle in the corner of Sweet Apple Acres. On my way back through the living room, I passed a series of picture frames on the wall. They were each of me, standing in various poses, or making silly faces. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss while looking at them, and I was reminded of how much I missed my brother. If there were anyone on the planet that would've been able to help me, it would have been him. He’d either slap me in the forehead and tell me to quit being a pussy, or he’d grab me hard on the shoulders and tell me that life is too damn short to spend it worrying on petty bullshit. Too bad Twilight couldn't read my thoughts. She'd be pissed at all the times I said "bullshit" in my head. * * * * * Still unsure how long it was going to take Twilight and the others to make it to my place, I decided that it would be best to speed up the medication process. Going to the phone, I pick it up and dial the number for the local pharmacy. It was surprisingly painless—getting one’s medication. I figured it would require some sort of complete medical history rundown, or at best, some kind of evaluation. But, in the end, I was told that my prescription would be ready in a few hours. Hanging up, I felt a huge, sudden, tension begin building in my shoulders. I could sense the approaching and impending doom coming closer with each passing tick of the clock, and I felt like an inmate waiting on death row; knowing that my time was almost up, soon going to be singing with the angels, or dancing with the devils. If it was going to be my last meal, then for my last breakfast, I opted for cereal. Generic store brand corn flakes. Just the right amount of extra sugar, and the right amount of milk. No elaborate or fancy meals here. Simple was the only way to go when it came time to face the music. I knew I wasn’t fooling myself. I wasn’t facing a firing squad. I wasn’t going to die. I was either going to wake up from a dream and find myself ponyless for the rest of my life, or I was going to take the medicine, and they would still be there… bounding and bouncing along in my life like the magic that they seemed to radiate. I simply had no way of knowing which prize in the bottom of life’s box I was going to get. Once the cereal was eaten, and I had deposited the bowl and spoon in the sink for later, I plopped down on the couch and flipped through all the channels on the TV. It’s like they always say, “Three hundred channels, and not a damn thing on!” What I really wanted to do was spend my time with my friends; I had what was left of the day to be with them, and here I was, slouching on the sofa and playing flip with the remote control. Well, the fuck with that! It was time for some affirmative action, and I knew just what needed to be done. For starters, it was time for me to change clothes, and get my ass in some kind of gear. So, I headed into my bedroom, jumped into my best non-torn denim jeans and Doctor Who long-sleeve, then donned my prized DBZ baseball cap, with the classic, “Over 9000” stitched in. After a healthy splash of cologne, and a few close inspections of my reflection in the mirror, I made my way into the kitchen and left Rainbow Dash a message in return. I might have mentioned in the note that I was going to get the medicine, but the truth was, I had a far more interesting and fun agenda. This dour depressed shit was for the birds, and I wasn’t growing feathers any time soon. On my way out, I remembered a picture. It was taken a few years back, when I had visited the beach. I was in the picture, smiling and holding up two fingers behind Trevor Schrader’s head. That was the last summer that the five of us had spent together. High school pals, out to take on the world. Little did we know that the world had different plans for each of us. For the life of me, I can’t recall what became of the photo. Lost, no doubt in the endless shuffle of the day by day. As I made my way out, I couldn’t help but wonder if my memories of my Ponyville friends would do the same. If they too would become a lost collection to time. * * * * * The pharmacy was unusually crowded, and after several minutes of standing around, or browsing the same shelves, I decided to sit and wait my turn like a good customer. Next to me on the hard, uncomfortable wooden bench, was an elderly man, insistent on coughing up whatever was in his lungs without the courtesy of a handkerchief, or the back of his hand. A small fleeting thought was that maybe I could contract whatever ailment the geezer next to me had, then I could at least post-pone the anti-psychotic meds for a bit. It makes perfect sense that there would be some sort of drug interaction problems with DayQuil and whatever pony evaporation pills they'd give me. In a small fleeting moment of stupidity, I turned my head, looking for Twilight; wanting to share the moment, and the slight silliness, but, she wasn’t there. She was gone, and, for the first time since I’d walked out of the last doctor’s office, I knew what it would feel like to have her missing from my life. Depression is a bitch. Then again, so is self-pity. I doubt very much that the two are mutually exclusive; but man, let me tell you… when they tag team someone, it hurts a lot. When the pharmacist hands me my package, he motions for me to step to the left of the counter; there is a small note attached to the top of the bag that reads, “Consultation.” “Just be a moment,” I’m told. After a small rousing round of count the crap on the counter, which came to a sum of thirty-eight, a middle-aged man with lots of grey hair walks up, and takes the bag from my hand. He gives the label a brief once over, and levels his gaze at me with what I'm sure is going to be one of those father to son style lectures. "Make sure you take one tablet in the morning, with food. Take the second after your evening meal, or just before bed, whichever you choose, so long as you take them the same time everyday. You may experience a slight sedative effect, in which case, you should schedule your first pill several hours before operating any motor vehicles or machinery." "Wow," I said, glancing down at the package. "You guys really want to dope me up good." There wasn't any change in the pharmacists demeanor. He followed my gaze, and said, "This prescription is maximum strength. If you begin to develop any tremors, high anxiety, or eye spasms, speech problems, contact your doctor immediately. Got all that?" It was a mildly terrifying thought—the notion that medication that is designed to help a person could also damage them so thoroughly. Granted, I'm sure that people want to be cured from whatever it is that ails them, but I'm sure they don't want a whole grocery-list of shit falling off of them in the process. The only thing I could do was nod my head slowly. There wasn't any sort of deep connection between the pharmacist and myself. He had no reason to show more than cursory concern; his job wasn't that elaborate. In the end, I walked out of the pharmacy, bag in hand, wishing to God that I'd just lied to Twilight. That somehow, I could have convinced her that everything was all right. On the way back to my apartment, I stopped at the closest everything-a-buck store, and grabbed one of the items on my mental list. It was a small thing, but then, small things to me were really large and grand when compared to what waited around unknown corners and bends. * * * * * The apartment seemed empty when I got back, and for a moment, I stood in the doorway, contemplating that first footstep that would take me inside. I know, I know... I felt like the biggest advocate of indecision; but you have to understand the new found weight that was crushing down on my shoulders. I took a breath, straightened my back, and entered my domicile. Several loud cracks and bursts of noise suddenly engulfed me, and I felt my eyes begin to sting from the sudden lights blazing to life around me. About the same time I felt the streamers and confetti hit me, I heard the unison chorus of all my pony friends cheering and calling out my name. I have to admit, it was a good feeling. Clearing the moisture from my eyes, I rubbed them a few times, still smiling as Twilight and Rainbow Dash rushed up to me, to give me hugs. Pinkie Pie was bouncing off of the furniture, and steadily blowing on her noise maker, while I noticed that the others were just gathered near the center of the living room watching and smiling. "Welcome back," Twilight said. "Were you surprised?" "You bet I was," I told her, reaching down and giving her neck and gentle rub. "I didn't expect any of this." "Ooh, ooh! It was soooo my idea," Pinkie said, still bouncing. "I wanted to bring the party cannon, but they told me not to." "Well, I'm still thrilled," I told her. "Party cannon or no party cannon." While I was being hugged and pulled on by Pinkie, Rarity motioned for me to look behind her at the cake that they pitched in for. It wasn't a large cake, but it was a nice one. I didn't think to ask them how in the hell they managed to get it through the damn shower portal in one piece. "There's punch, if you want, or you can have one of those beers you seem so fond of," she told me. "Oh, what's that?" Following her gaze, I looked down at the two small sacks in my hands. I wanted to say that they were nothing, but one look at my face, and I think she knew that in there somewhere was the accursed medication. I offered her a wry smile, and she took the hint, jerking her head toward Applejack, and shoving on her. "I was gonna go say my howdy-do's," she fussed, making her way slowly to me. "Hey, Applejack," I said, reaching down and patting her on her neck. "How's tricks?" "Fine," she said, staring at the bags. "So, what'cha got in there?" Letting out a short sigh, I presented them to her. "One is my medicine, and the other is a present." I thought for a second that the entire universe ceased to move. Instantly all my pony friends came to a screeching halt. And by that I mean, literally. Pinkie was screeching, as though she were putting the brakes on something, and finally settled down when she noticed the unified hush. "What's the present?" Rainbow asked, coming up to me and sticking her nose inches from the sack. "I'll show you in a minute," I told her while offering her a gentle push. "First things first. We have cake." "YAY! CAKE!" Pinkie yelled, then launched herself off the back of the couch in a series of cartwheels. "What do you want to do today, Tommy?" Looking behind me, I noticed that Twilight was calmly resting on her rump on the floor. "What do you mean? I thought we were going to go out and celebrate. Spend the whole day together." "I know that, but I mean... what do you want to do with all of us?" "Honestly? "Honestly." "I want to just enjoy being with you guys for as long as I can." Giving it some thought, I said. "How about we spend the day here, playing games, singing karaoke, and eating cake until we're stupid with sugar." "I want to be stupid with sugar!" Pinkie yelled, waving her hoof in the air. "Pinkie, you are walking right into a bad joke," Applejack cautioned. "Put yer hoof down!" "What in the heck is carry-okie?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking between her friends for an answer. "You're going to love it," I said. Looking back at Twilight, I smiled. * * * * * Evening came early. I suppose it does when you get caught up in fun and games. Everything from Twister to Cards Against Humanity were set out, and yes... we all took turns singing karaoke. I think the only one that didn't find our hoots and cheers fun was Rarity, as she tried to sing A Whole New World from the Disney movie Aladdin. The first to collapse from the fun was Pinkie. Even a fun machine of her caliber could only handle so much octane before the engine busted, and after her was Fluttershy. They were crashed on the couch in the living room while the rest of us made our way to the kitchen, and sat around my table, eying the final bag. "Well, this is it," I said allowing my eyes to roam up to the clock. "It's time for me to take this." "Should we go get Pinkie and Fluttershy up?" Twilight asked. "No. Just let them sleep," I said. "If I had to look at their big sad eyes, I'd chicken out and throw these pills in the trash." I could see that Rainbow Dash was upset. Her arms were folded, and she was slouched in her chair. If her looks could kill, the bag would have had a hole in it the size of the fucking moon. Opening the bottle, I extracted the pills, and set them on the table. "Here's to my friends," I said, lifting up my glass of water. "Good times, and good health." It was a stupid speech. I know that. But I was still trying to keep the mood from growing too somber. Tossing the pills in my mouth, I brought the glass of water up, and placed it against my bottom lip. I watched Twilight from the corner of my eye. If she was going to stop me, she didn't make a move to, and I knew that it was okay. She was at peace with what ever outcome would come. Swallowing the pills down, I sat the glass back on the table, and regarded each of my friends. Rarity was doing her best to keep a strong front. I knew she wanted to cry. Applejack had her lips pursed together, staring at the glass as though she wanted to break it against the wall. Twilight was holding my gaze, offering me a thin smile of encouragement. I know I needed it. The real heart breaker was Rainbow Dash. She wouldn't look at me. She had her face turned away slightly, staring at the empty space in the kitchen, as a streak of moisture ran down the side of her face. "Hey," I said, slowly rising from my chair. "How about we all pile up in the living room on some blankets? We can watch movies and eat popcorn until we fall asleep." "That sounds like a fine idea," Twilight said. And like that... the day was over. As the end credits of 500 Days of Summer crawled, I eased myself down further in the pile of ponies. Twilight was resting against my shoulder, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash were laying across my legs and mid section. Fishing the remote control out, I made sure not to wake any of them, and silently switched off the TV. "Tommy?" "Yeah, Twilight?" "If... if tomorrow comes, and we aren't here... you'll remember us won't you?" Leaning over and gently placing my lips against the top of her nose, I said, "Always." ~ * ~ Author's Note Yes! It's alive! After a year of hiatus, the story lives again. A huge thank you to everyone that stuck by this. And, a huge thank you to Davidism for the much needed assistance with reviving this story.
Chapter One: Everythingand with that... everything The Anonymous Writer ————————— Chapter One: Everything I'm holding a piece of paper when I come out of the doctor's office. I'm also frowning. I don't like doctors, and I sure as hell don't like people assuming that there are things that are wrong with me. Twilight Sparkle is waiting as I step into the warm summer afternoon. Her smile reassures me, but only for a moment. She takes one look at my mug, and I can see her muzzle fall. My feelings on the matter are irrelevant. Who are they to say that there aren't ponies with me? I can see them, I can hear them, and I can touch them. Just because these assholes can't, shouldn't be any reason to make the claim that I'm insane. Medical examination after medical examination, and in the end there is nothing that suggests there is anything wrong with me. Just other people's opinion, that's all; absolutely nothing proof positive. "What did the doctor say?" she asks as I move to stand beside her. I catch her trying to read the paper I'm holding. "The same shit they always say," I tell her. "I don't like that word, Tommy." "Sorry." The sidewalk is hot and getting hotter, so I do my best to distract her by suggesting that we get something to drink before we take the long walk back to my apartment. Twilight gives me that smile again; the one from earlier that ended too soon, and can now come back out into a full radiant beaming glow. I love that smile on her the best. As we make our way down the Houston sidewalk, Twilight enjoys complete and total freedom. No one questions her presence, and no one pays her any mind. To everyone there, she is more or less invisible. She can interact with people, but it's as if she is nothing more than a strong gust of wind, or a figment of their imagination. She can come and go freely in my world, and that is the foundation of my condition. The linchpin of the whole issue regarding my sanity, is how Twilight Sparkle and her friends can be in my world and not attract attention; and how I can be in their world and be completely seen and heard. I try to be a good sport whenever I'm in Ponyville, but my inability to share or offer the same experiences of welcome and worldly interaction are driving me bonkers. Maybe that was the wrong word to use. Oh ha ha. I'm not off my rocker yet. Four months of being able to do what I do, and see what I see haven't made me go into any kitchen and start pulling out sharp things to stick the pointy ends into anyone... yet. If I were of the mind to start, though, then the doctors would be the first on my list of special victims. Twilight is right on my heels when we enter a coffee shop and get in line. She's learned to stick as close to me as possible to keep from bumping or brushing up against anyone. After several accusations of inappropriate physical conduct thrown at me, I've made it my mission to keep her close. So, when I say that Twilight was "on my heels," I damn well mean it. She was all but stepping on the sons of bitches. While we stood in line, I noticed that Twilight kept wanting to see what was written on the note that the doctor had given me, but I wasn't ready to let her see it yet, and I nonchalantly stuffed it into the back pocket of my jeans. No point in worrying her unnecessarily. When it was our turn at the counter, Twilight tapped me on my leg and said that she wanted a caramel blended iced coffee. I made the mistake of turning to look at her, and nodding. I looked back up to see the barista looking at me with an odd expression and taking quick glances at the spot on the floor where Twilight was standing. When she raised her eyebrows in a questioning manner, I said, "I thought I saw something purple on the floor." I flashed her a quick shit eater grin. "Must've been my mistake." "Eww," she said, "it's probably somebody's gum." "Either that or it's a purple pony that follows me around everywhere." Then I gave an Academy Award winning laugh, and tapped my palms on the counter. "Two blended iced coffees please. One caramel, and the other dark chocolate with extra whipped topping." "I didn't know you were a comedian," I heard Twilight mumble from next to me. * * * * * Two blended iced coffees later and we were on our way back to my apartment. It was a nice apartment on the west side of Houston; expensive and loaded with art. The truth is, it was my brother's apartment before he died in Afghanistan or Uzbekistan or some stan in the fight against global terrorism. In his will he had left everything to me, and I didn't see any reason to redecorate. That was two years ago. Twilight held her coffee, using her magic to levitate it close to her. And before you go off pumping your fists into the air saying, "Ah hah! People would be able to see the cup!" I need to point out that, that isn't the case at all. Once Twilight or any of the other ponies take something it literally vanishes. People don't see it. I could hand her a briefcase full of money, or the arming codes for a bunch of nukes, and no one on earth would be able to see that she had them. So, there. Take that you picky bastards. All the way back to the apartment, I knew that Twilight was wanting to ask about the doctor's visit in more detail, and I did everything I could to distract her from the question. She wasn't the sort of girl to take that kind of thing lying down. Of course, when I say "girl", I really mean "pony." I knew she was wanting to ask, and by the time we reached the steps of the apartment, she was irritable. She wouldn't come right out and tell me she was angry, she would just sort of seethe with inner turmoil and then at some point everyone would hear this sound like a popping cork; and that would be Twilight fizzing out in the corner, because she couldn't handle keeping it to herself anymore. Stopping short of entering the building, I regarded Twilight for a second, and then told her, "Ask me." "Ask you what?" She batted her eyes at me in a coy manner, and I was sure that she was just pretending to not know what I was wanting her to ask me. "C'mon," I said. "I know you've practically got the William Tell Overture playing at full volume in your chest. So just ask me about the doctor's visit already." She gave me the look. I don't know if it's ingrained in every female in the universe, but the look is definitely something that they must be genetically born to dispense onto men at a given time; and it was my time to get it. "What?" I asked. It was my turn to give off the ignorant look. Except in my case, it just made me come off as looking stupid. "I'm worried about you, Tommy. I wanted you to tell me earlier. I've been on pins and needles since you came out. And don't think that I didn't see you put the paper in your pocket at the coffee shop." If she could have, she would have stood up straight and placed her hooves on her hips, and then dove into a lecture on making a woman wait. "Look, I'm sorry." I pulled the paper out of my pocket, and passed it to her. "You want to know what it says? It's a prescription for medication, is what it is." "Medication?" "Yeah, medication." I couldn't help it. I felt really weird. I wanted to go off by myself and just not look back for a long time. "It's a remedy for a condition that the doctor says makes me see hallucinations. Only he says they aren't hallucinations; that you and Applejack, and everyone else that I see are all just mental projections from my own broken subconscious." "He thinks that we're all in your head?" "He thinks that whenever I supposedly go to Ponyville, I'm really just standing in my shower instead, mumbling to myself, pretending I'm talking to you. Then when it's time to go to bed, I climb out of the shower, go put on my PJs, and sleep." I was shaking my head as she looked over the paper. I was positive that she couldn't understand the scribble that is inherent in almost all medical practitioner's penmanship, but she did at least try. I realize that it does sound rather fishy. A portal into a magical world appearing in my shower. How original, right? I mean seriously, I'd probably want to slap cast iron restraints on my ass and haul me to the local funny farm too; if it wouldn't look like an even more convincing case of my lunacy. Portals, ponies, and oh yeah... my shower. I was pretty sure that my brother didn't install a magical portal to Ponyville when he had the shower built. Upon several inspections by plumbers and remodel specialists, there was nothing wrong with the shower, the drain, or the fixtures. When they stepped in and cranked the knobs for the cold or hot water, they got just that, cold or hot water. When I stepped in and turn the knobs I get the whole back wall opening up and showing me the realm of Equestria on the other side. Screwy weird shit, man. Naturally none of those assholes can see into the realms of Ponyville, so once again, I'm the odd duck that see things that other humans can't. Now, I bet you're wondering if I even knew what Ponyville was the first time that it happened, and the answer is: yes. I'm not internet illiterate. I know what bronies are, even if they creep me the fuck out on a scale of five score divided by four. I mean, I've seen the memes, the remixes, and the holy terror that they love to unleash on the unsuspecting idiots loitering furry sites and the regular sites as well. And, before you ask me, no, I was never a brony. I still am not one. I'd just as soon pull out my little stun gun and have them screaming, "Don't taze me bro!" while I laugh with unholy glee. Okay, that's a bit harsh. There are some nice ones out there. Like, uh... uh... damn. Never mind. Anyway, I was super shocked the first time I got naked, stepped into the shower, and turned on the faucet. I turned the faucets and expected water to greet me from the shower head, only there was no water, instead I was greeted with a huge gaping portal. So imagine my shock and awe, standing on the other side of a huge honking window into a world of ponies, cradling my goodies with one hand and steadying my self with the other, praying that I wasn't cracking up. As she stood there scrutinizing the paper, Twilight scrunched up her face and heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm sure he's just full of shit." "Says the pot calling the kettle black." "What are you going to do?" she asked, passing me the paper back. She was looking at me too intently; it made me uncomfortable. The last time someone gave me that sort of look, it was to tell me that someone had died. I really hoped that wasn't what she was able to decipher from the prescription sheet. "I don't want to take any medicine. There is nothing wrong with me. So I see ponies; big deal." I was waving my arms around as I turned to enter the apartment. I was glad that no one saw me. I didn't want to look like a loon. Twilight made a sound as if she wanted to say something, but then she fell short. Perhaps she thought I was tired of talking about it. She had accompanied me on my last three doctor visits, and each time she would wait on me, hoping to see if I'd come out and declare that I was the one person on the whole planet imbued with supernatural powers, and each time I'd come out and give her the disappointing news. I was either physically healthy and they thought I was mentally ill, or I was physically healthy and suffering from some sort of psychosis. Which still equals two plus two in my book. I took the stairs to the fifth floor, in case Twilight wanted to talk, where I could carry on a normal conversation with her and not have to worry about anyone seeing me talking to the floor. Unfortunately, she was silent the whole way up, and I didn't help matters, because I was just as closed mouthed. We made it to my apartment and I unlocked it, expecting to find streamers and confetti all over the place, but to my astonishment, I found it clean and smelling fresh. Twilight entered ahead of me and trotted into the living room where I heard her speaking to another of our pony friends. I took the prescription sheet that I got from the doctor and put it on the table in the kitchen. I was confident that none of the other ponies would see it and want to grill me over it. Dropping the keys to the apartment on the counter top next to the wine rack, I rotated my shoulders to let out some of the stress. I wanted a warm shower, but that wasn't going to happen; not with the magic portal condition of my bathroom. I heard what sounded like a small gruff voice coming from the living room, and I stepped from the kitchen into the large area. I saw Twilight talking with Rainbow Dash as she reclined on the sofa. In front of her she had a plate of what looked like nachos, and she was crunching loudly. Twilight immediately stopped talking and turned to face me when I entered. I knew she was filling Dash in on our outing. Rainbow Dash waited until I was comfy on the sofa next to her, then she brought her left hoof back and planted a firm punch on my shoulder. "Ow! What the hell, man?" "See, that's not the reaction of someone that's having nightmares," she said with satisfaction, then brought another nacho chip to her mouth. "It's not nightmares, it's hallucinations," I corrected her. "Pfft, same difference." To show me that my intellect was no match for her might, she chewed up the chip loaded with cheddar cheese and then showed me her food in her mouth, opening her jaws wide. Then she frowned when I rolled my eyes and reached for one of the chips, hastily cramming it into my food hole. "So what happened to Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?" I asked between smacks of the nacho. "Shy remembered some sort of errand for her bunnies that she needed to go on," Dash said, "and Pinkie Pie was trying to decorate your bedroom with party favors because... well, I have no clue why. So I told her to tag along with Shy." Rainbow put another chip in her mouth and chewed slower. I watched her sneak a glance at Twilight, who was now sitting in the armchair in front of the TV. "So... are you going to take the medicine?" "No!" I said, letting a hint of frustration show in my tone. "I am not taking the chance." "That we really are just hallucinations?" Twilight said, finishing my train of thought. "Yeah, exactly. I don't want to take the risk." I slouched further into the sofa and extended my legs. I felt a sudden sharp pain start working its way into my temples. I didn't want to have that conversation then and there, but like good friends, they know how to push in just the right ways. "Maybe there is something wrong with you," Twilight said. She had a tone to her voice that betrayed a bit of sadness. "You once said yourself that people don't usually see ponies like us in your world. And from what I understand, before you actually saw us face to muzzle, we only existed on a cartoon show." "No!" I said with more force. "I don't want to take the medicine. Don't you two understand that if I do, and you aren't real, then I will have ruined one of the best things in my life?" Rainbow Dash was looking at her plate of nachos silently. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but I needed to make my case as plain as I could. Twilight let out a deep breath. If she were wanting to say more about my issue, she chose the safer path and let it alone. Instead, she roused up a little from the chair and motioned back toward the bathroom. "I have a great idea. Why don't you come have dinner with me at the library this evening? You can get cleaned up at Applejack's house, and when you're good and hungry, you can come eat." It actually sounded like a hell of an idea. "Okay, deal. So long as I don't have to eat grass or hay." I gave her a wink to show that I was playing around. "Don't worry, I won't make you eat oats tonight. I'll have one of the girls bring us some pasta; I'll make some of that All Fred-O that you like." I chuckled at her, and then scooted closer to Rainbow Dash, and threw my arm around her. She squirmed and protected her plate of nachos. "What the hell, dude?" "You wanna come eat pasta, Dashie?" I teased as I mussed her hair, and stole another nacho. "Fine, I'll eat with you, dweeb." When the nacho plate was cleaned and put away, we all went to the shower, and I activated the portal to Equestria. It erupted with a blinding blue glow, and one by one we stepped into the swirling vortex. And with that... everything.
Chapter Two: NothingChapter Two: Nothing If you're anything like most people, you'd be curious to know what traveling through a dimensional portal into another world feels like. It feels like a mild electrocution. Not bad enough to make you involuntarily piss your pants, or jiggle your jimmies, or writhe in horrendous agony, but it's something of a shock, nevertheless. I'd have to probably caution against it if you have a weak heart, or are prone to seizures for no apparent reason. So in the interest of all fairness, I did sort of have to electrocute myself each and every time I wanted to travel to Ponyville to be with my friends. They never really seemed to be phased by the portal. From what I could ever tell, they just had a little extra static cling to them, and would randomly pick up lint and cloth; but nothing that seemed near as stupid as me getting a mild zap. I should probably also mention that the portal is fixed in one spot in Equestria: Sweet Apple Acres. So that first time I told you about where I was butt ass naked, cupping my Johnson and the twins—I don't have to tell you that it was Applejack that was the first to meet me. I was embarrassed; it was uncomfortable; there was lots of screaming and yelling and panicking. Big Mac got involved, and then to make matters worse, Granny Smith came to investigate. I wondered if I'd ever be able to have Mr Johnson stand at attention again after that experience. When everything was said and done, I realized that the ponies in Ponyville were pretty decent folk. I use that term loosely of course, because they aren't folk, they're ponies. And I have not forgotten that fact since that day. Nope, not for one minute. When we arrived on the farm, I was immediately greeted by Big Mac. He was out in the fields planting—that's what he did. Don't ask me why they were always planting. All I know is that they only ever gathered apples. Strange, strange, strange. Sort of like one of those mysteries of nature programs on TV; we know it happens, but science has multiple brain-gasms trying to understand it. Big Mac is always stoic when I see him. I'm still not too sure if he even understands what's going on at all. Sometimes I get the distinct impression that he's sort of special, like in a, his momma dropped him on his head sort of way special—a social paradox. Like one of those people that has no clue how to interact in society, but can solve a Rubik's Cube in a matter of seconds. With a curt nod of his head, Big Mac acknowledged my appearing through the portal, and then went off to do more planting. Sheesh. Applejack must make him do all the dirty work. Twilight and Rainbow Dash scattered as soon as we got there, and I strolled past Mac to their house, where I expected to find Applejack doing some chores, or yelling at the help for being, and I quote, "slack jawed tar heads." She always comes off more rough and tumble than she actually is. Truth is, she's a real sweetie when you get to know her, sort of like the tomboy that I used to know that lived a few houses down from mine when I was a kid. Her name was Del. Probably short for Delila or something. She would come over and knock me to the ground, then she would sit on me, and threaten to fart in my ear if I didn't go with her to do some sort of mischief. Sometimes it was tough being Del's friend; but she did show me her boobs once, out behind the portable building we used for a tool shed. She had a birthmark on the left one that reminded me of Garfield. I often wondered if Applejack would be the sort of girl that would show me her boobs, that is, if she had any. Probably best not to go there, you're obviously giving me some pretty strange looks, and I'm no doubt sending out a creepy vibe. "Hey, what's up?" I said, as I approached Applejack. She had her face buried in the open door of her cellar, like she was waiting on something to happen. "Oh, hey, Tommy," she whispered, taking a careful glance out of the cellar, then sticking her head back in the opening. "I'm trying to catch a mouse." "Do you have a mouse trap?" "Yeah, but that varmint is clever. Been getting into my corn sacks; and I want 'em dead." Holy shit, she actually had something besides apples. I was amazed. "Where do you get the corn? I asked. "From town," she said before shushing me. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. Guess the conundrum of what they planted versus what they harvested would never be solved. I was pretty bored standing there waiting on the mouse to fall into its entrapment, so I occupied myself with imagining that Applejack was a pirate at sea, and that she was watching her crew from the upper deck of her ship. I'm kidding. I was sitting on the ground, picking at the bits of burs and sticker weed that had managed to cling to the legs of my jeans as I wandered up to her house. Eventually, she sighed and withdrew her head from the cellar door, and gave me a wary grin. "Guess that rat will have to wait." She gave me an inquisitive look. "You're here for another bath, aincha?" She could almost read my mind, but then over the past four months, my stopping by to borrow her bath tub was no longer an unconventional thing. "Yes, ma'am," I said. "Twilight is cooking me dinner at her place tonight." "Whoo, sounds like somepony is gonna be getting his rope oiled." A quick flash of her teeth, and a punch in the gut, and Applejack trotted off to her front door. "Come on slow poke, the bath ain't gonna go no faster with you standing out here." I have never once considered getting my rope oiled by Twilight, or any of the other ponies in Ponyville. I am a gentleman, sort of. I'm not against a little playing; maybe some tussling, or some hugging, cuddling, and erotic touching because Rainbow Dash said she had an itch that she couldn't reach; but I am not into ponies. I watched her go into the house, and I followed obediently. For some reason, Applejack had the ability to command me, and if she ever knew about it, she would use it to her advantage. Hell, for all I knew, she probably suspected as much, and did use her powers for evil. I knew that I wasn't going to confront her over it. * * * * * The bath was nice and warm. I liked my showers, like anyone, but a bath was the perfect stress relief. I could feel all the turmoil of the day just withering away and melting. For just a few minutes, I didn't have to think about ponies, or work, or the possibility that my friends were a mental disorder. The doctors and the prescriptions, the worry and the dread could all go to hell. It was a shock the first time it happened. And by that I mean, the first time that Applejack walked in on me in the bath. Now it's something of a strange coincidence that she just happens to need in there every damn time I'm in there. If it isn't, "Oh, sorry. I just need to get my brush. Whoops, guess I forgot that it was in my bedroom." Then it's, "Hey, I was wondering if you could take the lid off of this jar of pickled beets, I just love beets." Who in the fuck loves pickled beets? So like I was saying, it was no surprise when five minutes into my bath time, that I hear the faint knocking on the door, and I see Applejack's muzzle pop through. "Hey, partner. Mind if I join y'all for a spell? I'm dirtier than a circus flea at a mud wrasslin' convention in the Dust Bowl." This was a first. It was definitely a first. "Are you serious?" I asked, as I tried to cover myself in the tub. I shouldn't have even bothered. By that point Applejack had probably seen my package more times than I had, figuratively. "Oh, now don't go getting your long johns in a bunch, I used to bathe with Big Mac all the time when I was a filly." "And then I bet suddenly, he decided it wasn't a good idea anymore, right?" "Yeah, always wanting his alone time." I realized as she climbed into the tub and wiggled into place opposite of me, that there was no arguing. She was stubborn, and could always get her way. The tub was accommodating for the two of us. I could have my legs stretched out all the way on either side of her rump, and she could rest her back hooves on my legs just above the knees. She gave me a satisfied grin of accomplishment as she splashed at the water in front of her with her hoof. "This is nice, ain't it?" I shrugged. "It's not bad." "Oh, come on now. I know a dozen stallions out there that would bust their sack at having a pretty filly like me in the bath with 'em." God almighty, she could be crude sometimes. I could only shrug at her, and that was obviously the wrong thing to do. She immediately splashed water at me, landing a generous amount of it in my eye. "You're acting funny." "Maybe it's because I have a pony in the bath with me." "No, it's something else." She frowned, and kicked at me with her right leg, hitting me in the inner thigh. "Does it have something to do with them doctor visits?" "How do you know about that?" "It don't take no genius to figure that out, pumpkin. Every time you come back from visiting one of them, you look like Apple Bloom stole your lunch money." "Apple Bloom is too nice to take anyone's lunch money," I retorted, hoping I could get her off the subject. "Don't let her happy-go-lucky butter ass fool you. She'll knife you, steal your money, then step on you as she walks over your cold lifeless body." For a split second, we stared at each other, then both erupted into laughter. We laughed so hard at the notion that Apple Bloom could rob someone that we jiggled the water in the tub almost out onto the floor as it sloshed back and forth. Then we settled down and Applejack gave me a serious expression. "Come on, shug. Tell me what's eatin' at ya." "The doctors think that I have a condition that makes me see things that aren't there," I said. I was looking down as I told her. "He seems convinced that all of you in Ponyville are part of those things that I see that aren't real. That I have an illness in my head, and you, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Rarity... everyone, are because of the illness." Applejack was frowning hard as I told her this. I could tell that she was getting angry; not at me, but at the doctors. I suspect that if one of them were within the reach of her hooves, she's have strangled the life out of them right there on the spot, and then stomped their ass for good measure. I honestly hadn't seen her make that face before, and I found it alarming. Applejack looked to her left and frowned harder. I could tell she was greatly disturbed by what I told her. Then suddenly she jerked her head back to me and frowned more, baring her teeth. I thought for a second that she was going to bite me in the face, but she took a few deep breaths and relaxed some. "What do you think?" she asked. "I don't know, Applejack. I want to believe so much that it isn't the case, but when five doctors all give me the same diagnosis, what am I supposed to think?" "I can see how this kind of thing would have you being down," she said as she scooted over and leaned against me, pressing her back against my chest. I couldn't help it, I buried my face in her neck and wrapped my arms around her. I squeezed her so tight, it felt as if I was going to push all the air out of her and me both. "I promise that we will always be here," she said to me, as she brought her hooves up and laid them over my arms at her waist. "We will be with you forever." "Applejack," I whispered. "Please, don't say things you know might not be true." * * * * * I'd love to tell you that the hugging that ensued in the bathtub precipitated other things of an intimate nature, but that would be a rather bold lie. In truth, all we did was sit in the tub and hold each other. Then, when I was finished with my bath, we embraced like long lost lovers, sharing a kiss. It wasn't that passionate, but it was sincere. I knew that Applejack wanted me to know a lot of things, and while we both knew that she was not very good with words, or expressing herself, she put every hope, fear, thought, and joy into that kiss; the likes of which, no tongue could tell. The walk to Twilight's place was long and lonesome. I saw several ponies along the way, and I returned their gestures of friendliness. I waved and smiled, pretending that I wasn't walking to my uncertain doom. But I knew deep down that inside the library, once I got there, something was going to happen. Twilight was too smart for her own good, and she was the sort to make things worse at the worst possible times. I entered the library and noticed that there were books all over the place. Not that surprising, really. I couldn't think of a time that there weren't lots of books scattered all over the place. This time, however, there were books littering the floor and everything with a surface that were on one specific topic: mental disorders. I frowned as I picked up one of the books, and held it up to examine. It was a book that outlined several mental conditions in ponies and some other creatures that I had never heard of. There were some sections in the books that were place marked, and I flipped to them easily enough to find that they were on possible cures; the likes of which made me wince. I for one was not eager to have my head subjected to the sounds of a Shrieking Sundrel. Whatever in the hell that was. Still frowning, I walked through the library and into the kitchen where I could hear Twilight bustling about. I creaked the wooden door open and stood in the doorway, holding the book in my hands, letting it fall open to one of the places she had marked, and then marked again. "Doing some light reading?" I asked, which caused Twilight to jump with surprise and let out a shout. "You scared me!" she retorted, spinning around to face me. Then, seeing the book in my hands, her face made an expression of embarrassment. "Oh." "Oh?" I said, stepping into the kitchen. "I thought we were going to have dinner; not discuss my condition." "I'm not discussing it. And I wish that you wouldn't call it, 'your condition,' it makes me uncomfortable." She used her magic and snatched the book from my grasp and sat it on a table in the kitchen. "I want you to enjoy your time here. Look! I've got dinner almost ready." I could smell the food from the time I walked through the library, and my stomach was doing cartwheels at the thought of a delicious meal. "It smells good," I said, as I walked around her to peer into the pots. I could see the pasta in there boiling away, and the Alfredo sauce was almost done. Its aromatic fragrance washing over me like a blanketed fantasy. "Rainbow Dash has some last minute things to take care of in Cloudsdale, and said she might be late, and that we could start eating without her, and Rarity mentioned that she might come over, since she didn't get a chance to see you today." Twilight was standing at the stove, stirring the pots as she spoke. "What about Pinkie and Fluttershy?" I asked. Huffing slightly, Twilight gave me a look of annoyance. "They are still busy with Fluttershy's bunnies. Something about having to go all the way to Hoovesville to get some special formulated food, or Angel won't eat it." "That sounds like Angel," I said, nodding my head. "Is there anything I can help you with?" "You can set the table if you want." Twilight smiled and then rushed over to me, and squeezed me around the midsection. "What's that for?" "I just wanted to give you a hug," she said. I couldn't help it. There was something incredibly adorable about that, and it made my heart want to burst into a million little pieces. I gave her a hug back, and then watched her tear herself away with a giggle as she ran back to the pots. There was a table on the opposite end of the kitchen, and I went to it to clear it of the few dozen books that Twilight had scattered on it from one end to the other. I smiled at the thought of her dragging her books all over the place to read them. I was like that with drinking glasses; I'd get one carry it with me and put it down half finished where ever I could find to set it down. When I finished setting the table, I sat down in the spot that Twilight had said was my spot whenever I was visiting her there. It was a spot right at the head of the table. I had told her that it made me uncomfortable to take that spot, but she insisted that I was always the guest of honor, and that I should have the best seat in the house. Using her magic, Twilight dished out a nice helping of Alfredo pasta onto my plate, and then sat down a long stick of garlic bread. When she did the same for herself, she smiled with a hint of embarrassment as she trotted to the cupboard and brought back a bottle of wine. I was shocked. Twilight was not the sort to ever want to drink with her meals, but I guess that it was some sort of special occasion. Giving her a hand, I popped the cork and then poured us each a glass. She was all smiles, I knew she was ecstatic because she had made me dinner and hadn't set something on fire, or caused a meteor to fall from the sky. I took a sip of the wine, and frowned. "Oh, is it not a good choice?" she said noticing my expression. "It's not that," I said. "It just reminds me of a wine I'm familiar with." "Really, which one?" "A Pinot Bianco, or a Grigio." She tapped her hooves together in delight, and then took a sip. It was a near perfect night. We ate in silence for most of the meal. Twilight did her best to pretend that there wasn't anything on her mind, and I let her pretend. There wasn't any point in spoiling the meal. But just as I pointed out earlier, she had that way of doing the worse things at the worst times. She spoke up and there went the meal. "Tommy, can I ask you a hypothetical question?" "Sure." "If you thought that there was something wrong with me, and you thought that there was a way to make me better; would you want me to get better?" I let out a sigh. I didn't want to have that talk but there was no getting around it. "Is that what this has been about? A nice dinner; my favorite dish; all so you can soften the blow?" "Tommy, answer the question." "Yes, I would want you to get better," I said, staring at my plate. "I'm your friend, right? I mean, we all are. You love us, don't you?" "Of course I love you," I said. "You are what makes life worth living." "Then if you love me, if you love us, you should take the medicine." "I just don't understand why you would want me to take a pill that may or may not make you all disappear. How could you want that?" She looked down at her plate and moved some of the pasta around. "Because, you're suffering." I shook my head. "I'm not suffering, I'm in perfect health." "I've read about this condition of yours, the one that the doctor told you was a psychosis. I read about it, and usually that type of a condition is brought about by a great trauma, or an event that caused it to trigger... Tommy, I don't want you to suffer anymore." "I don't want to lose you," I whispered. "I can't lose you..." "You don't even know that you will. But if you are suffering, I can't watch you live in a delusion, I can't know that you are in pain, or wounded..." She started crying as she looked at her plate. "I want you to be whole. And if that means that you can never be with me again, then I could go on the rest of my life at peace, just knowing that you are alright." "I can't." "Tommy!" She was looking at me then. Her tears were marring the soft lavender of her face. I could feel my heart crumbling into shards with each passing second. I felt the pain... her pain. "Tommy, you are going to stay here tonight. We are going to enjoy our time together, and tomorrow, you will go get your medicine. We will all be with you. We'll spend the whole day together and we'll make the most of it. Then, you will take your medicine, and whatever happens, happens." "Twilight, I..." "Tommy, say it!" I held her gaze for a minute. It was a long minute; long and agonizing. Then, just like that, I nodded my head. My words sounded like someone else's. "I will take the medicine." Wiping at her face with the side of her hoof, Twilight smiled at me. It made my heart wither and fall into my stomach. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to hold her; but all I could do was sit there like a dumbass. I don't know how long we watched each other; minutes, maybe hours. We were interrupted when the door to the library opened and closed, and Rainbow Dash came bounding in. "What a shit storm!" she said, stomping in. "I've never seen the evening crew fuck up so bad." She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw us seated at the table. She looked from Twilight to me, and then back at Twilight. "What's going on in here?" I looked at her and smiled. A single tear had already marked a trail down the side of my cheek. "Nothing."
Chapter Three: AlwaysChapter Three: Always I'd like to say that the meal ended on a high note; but that would be something of a lie. Twilight and I had our words, she had her cry, and I accepted my fate. Rainbow Dash came in, and we did our best to pick up with the meal where it had started to go south, but it was pretty much already in shambles, and my stomach was growing into tighter and tighter knots. I sat in the parlor waiting while Rainbow Dash and Twilight finished clearing away the meal, and the dishes, and as I sat there to the sounds of clinking porcelain and silverware, I watched the little dragon, Spike, as he sat across from me, and fiddled with his hands. I've never been able to really figure out what goes on in that little dragon head of his. I only know that he's nice enough, I suppose. When Twilight eventually emerged from the kitchen, I was already dozing on the couch. I don't know how they managed it, but between the two of them, Rainbow Dash and Twilight hoisted me up to Twilight's bed, and tucked me in. I woke up sometime in the night, and felt their warmth beside me. Twilight was snoring softly in my left ear, and Rainbow Dash was drooling on my shirt just below the right shoulder. Gross. Moving her would be a mistake. She had nasty reflexes in her sleep, and whenever anyone touched or bothered her wings, she would get a type of knee-jerk reaction to it. The last thing I wanted was a hoof planted in my stomach, or in my nuts. Opting out of trying to move her mouth away, I settled for just resting my hand on the side of her face, and giving her a gentle caress. It wouldn't be long and I'd either never have them again, or learn that dreams were reality. Their warmth was real enough to me. I couldn't deny that I felt it, but my mind could be just making me react to things that my brain was fabricating. "Hmm, Tommy?" Twilight was yawning, and shuffling herself under the blankets, I pretended to be asleep while I watched her, keeping my eyelids barely closed. "Tommy, are you awake?" I could feel her hooves under the blanket moving to my chest. "Guess not." When she put her arms around me and squeezed me, I felt as if my heart were breaking. Then, as if to send me over the edge, I heard her sniffling, and felt my chest shaking. Abandoning my pretend sleep, I brought my left arm up and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Hey," I said. "What's the matter?" "Nothing," she whispered. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep, I'm sorry that I disturbed you." "Are you sure," I said, slowly inching myself away from Rainbow's muzzle. I could feel her head moving, nodding. "I'm just a little worried." I wanted to comfort her, but there was only so much that I could do for her. I wanted to reassure her in some way, but I knew that anything that I told her would sound like some kind of lame excuse, or me just trying to pacify her in some way. There was really nothing that I could do for her, except let her have her cry. * * * * * Mornings are usually not my thing. I’m not one of those people that’s up and at-‘em by first light, or dressed in my finest and looking to seize the day. Nope, I’m a premium slouch. I like sleeping in, and praying that when I do finally get up, it’s gone from morning to afternoon, and that I didn’t have to bear witness to it. It didn’t come as any huge shock that Twilight and Rainbow were both gone. They were each responsible for things, and were already out and about. Running my hand over the spot in Twilight’s bed where they slept, I wished secretly that they were still with me. I wanted to spend as much time together as possible. As it turned out, there was a note from Rainbow Dash on the counter in the kitchen. It was written in her usual, hasty, sloppy manner, and informed me rather straight forwardly that there were some things in Cloudsdale that needed attending, but since we were all going out later, she would meet up with me then back at my place. If I knew Twilight—and I did—she was probably getting the others together, and working on getting this day started. I knew it was supposed to be my day, but deep down, I knew that it was just as much for Twilight and the others as it was for me. If the time came and I took the medicine, and they disappeared, would they even know it? Would it be something that they would be conscious of? I pretended real well that I had all the answers in front of them, but in the end, I was a terrified mess of emotion and confusion. There were only so many things that I could do in Ponyville, and, while I really wanted to spend as much time with my friends as I could; there was a small part of me that wanted to acclimate to the idea of the unknown. So after I'd given Twilight's bed a brisk straightening, I went back to the portal, and made my way into my shower. Everything was just as I had left it the day before, and for the first time in several days, I had my apartment to myself. There had usually been at least one pony with me at all times it seemed. Or for the majority of it, anyway. For a few hours I had time to rouse up, caffeine up, and slap some color into my cheeks, without being under the ever-watchful eye of Doctor Sparkle MD. The way I was fumbling through the place, it was as though I'd been gone for weeks. Without realizing it, I found myself wandering around the inside of my home and examining all the things in it. Sad to say, it seemed lifeless and empty. As though a huge chunk of energy had been scooped out of the middle. It also seemed very pony-free. Nothing in Rainbow Dash’s note had said when she or the others would be over, so I figured it was time to make the tough march, and go get my prescription filled. Come hell or high water, I had already promised Twilight that I would take the damn medicine. There was no backing out, even though every fiber of my being wanted to run back to Ponyville, and huddle in the corner of Sweet Apple Acres. On my way back through the living room, I passed a series of picture frames on the wall. They were each of me, standing in various poses, or making silly faces. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss while looking at them, and I was reminded of how much I missed my brother. If there were anyone on the planet that would've been able to help me, it would have been him. He’d either slap me in the forehead and tell me to quit being a pussy, or he’d grab me hard on the shoulders and tell me that life is too damn short to spend it worrying on petty bullshit. Too bad Twilight couldn't read my thoughts. She'd be pissed at all the times I said "bullshit" in my head. * * * * * Still unsure how long it was going to take Twilight and the others to make it to my place, I decided that it would be best to speed up the medication process. Going to the phone, I pick it up and dial the number for the local pharmacy. It was surprisingly painless—getting one’s medication. I figured it would require some sort of complete medical history rundown, or at best, some kind of evaluation. But, in the end, I was told that my prescription would be ready in a few hours. Hanging up, I felt a huge, sudden, tension begin building in my shoulders. I could sense the approaching and impending doom coming closer with each passing tick of the clock, and I felt like an inmate waiting on death row; knowing that my time was almost up, soon going to be singing with the angels, or dancing with the devils. If it was going to be my last meal, then for my last breakfast, I opted for cereal. Generic store brand corn flakes. Just the right amount of extra sugar, and the right amount of milk. No elaborate or fancy meals here. Simple was the only way to go when it came time to face the music. I knew I wasn’t fooling myself. I wasn’t facing a firing squad. I wasn’t going to die. I was either going to wake up from a dream and find myself ponyless for the rest of my life, or I was going to take the medicine, and they would still be there… bounding and bouncing along in my life like the magic that they seemed to radiate. I simply had no way of knowing which prize in the bottom of life’s box I was going to get. Once the cereal was eaten, and I had deposited the bowl and spoon in the sink for later, I plopped down on the couch and flipped through all the channels on the TV. It’s like they always say, “Three hundred channels, and not a damn thing on!” What I really wanted to do was spend my time with my friends; I had what was left of the day to be with them, and here I was, slouching on the sofa and playing flip with the remote control. Well, the fuck with that! It was time for some affirmative action, and I knew just what needed to be done. For starters, it was time for me to change clothes, and get my ass in some kind of gear. So, I headed into my bedroom, jumped into my best non-torn denim jeans and Doctor Who long-sleeve, then donned my prized DBZ baseball cap, with the classic, “Over 9000” stitched in. After a healthy splash of cologne, and a few close inspections of my reflection in the mirror, I made my way into the kitchen and left Rainbow Dash a message in return. I might have mentioned in the note that I was going to get the medicine, but the truth was, I had a far more interesting and fun agenda. This dour depressed shit was for the birds, and I wasn’t growing feathers any time soon. On my way out, I remembered a picture. It was taken a few years back, when I had visited the beach. I was in the picture, smiling and holding up two fingers behind Trevor Schrader’s head. That was the last summer that the five of us had spent together. High school pals, out to take on the world. Little did we know that the world had different plans for each of us. For the life of me, I can’t recall what became of the photo. Lost, no doubt in the endless shuffle of the day by day. As I made my way out, I couldn’t help but wonder if my memories of my Ponyville friends would do the same. If they too would become a lost collection to time. * * * * * The pharmacy was unusually crowded, and after several minutes of standing around, or browsing the same shelves, I decided to sit and wait my turn like a good customer. Next to me on the hard, uncomfortable wooden bench, was an elderly man, insistent on coughing up whatever was in his lungs without the courtesy of a handkerchief, or the back of his hand. A small fleeting thought was that maybe I could contract whatever ailment the geezer next to me had, then I could at least post-pone the anti-psychotic meds for a bit. It makes perfect sense that there would be some sort of drug interaction problems with DayQuil and whatever pony evaporation pills they'd give me. In a small fleeting moment of stupidity, I turned my head, looking for Twilight; wanting to share the moment, and the slight silliness, but, she wasn’t there. She was gone, and, for the first time since I’d walked out of the last doctor’s office, I knew what it would feel like to have her missing from my life. Depression is a bitch. Then again, so is self-pity. I doubt very much that the two are mutually exclusive; but man, let me tell you… when they tag team someone, it hurts a lot. When the pharmacist hands me my package, he motions for me to step to the left of the counter; there is a small note attached to the top of the bag that reads, “Consultation.” “Just be a moment,” I’m told. After a small rousing round of count the crap on the counter, which came to a sum of thirty-eight, a middle-aged man with lots of grey hair walks up, and takes the bag from my hand. He gives the label a brief once over, and levels his gaze at me with what I'm sure is going to be one of those father to son style lectures. "Make sure you take one tablet in the morning, with food. Take the second after your evening meal, or just before bed, whichever you choose, so long as you take them the same time everyday. You may experience a slight sedative effect, in which case, you should schedule your first pill several hours before operating any motor vehicles or machinery." "Wow," I said, glancing down at the package. "You guys really want to dope me up good." There wasn't any change in the pharmacists demeanor. He followed my gaze, and said, "This prescription is maximum strength. If you begin to develop any tremors, high anxiety, or eye spasms, speech problems, contact your doctor immediately. Got all that?" It was a mildly terrifying thought—the notion that medication that is designed to help a person could also damage them so thoroughly. Granted, I'm sure that people want to be cured from whatever it is that ails them, but I'm sure they don't want a whole grocery-list of shit falling off of them in the process. The only thing I could do was nod my head slowly. There wasn't any sort of deep connection between the pharmacist and myself. He had no reason to show more than cursory concern; his job wasn't that elaborate. In the end, I walked out of the pharmacy, bag in hand, wishing to God that I'd just lied to Twilight. That somehow, I could have convinced her that everything was all right. On the way back to my apartment, I stopped at the closest everything-a-buck store, and grabbed one of the items on my mental list. It was a small thing, but then, small things to me were really large and grand when compared to what waited around unknown corners and bends. * * * * * The apartment seemed empty when I got back, and for a moment, I stood in the doorway, contemplating that first footstep that would take me inside. I know, I know... I felt like the biggest advocate of indecision; but you have to understand the new found weight that was crushing down on my shoulders. I took a breath, straightened my back, and entered my domicile. Several loud cracks and bursts of noise suddenly engulfed me, and I felt my eyes begin to sting from the sudden lights blazing to life around me. About the same time I felt the streamers and confetti hit me, I heard the unison chorus of all my pony friends cheering and calling out my name. I have to admit, it was a good feeling. Clearing the moisture from my eyes, I rubbed them a few times, still smiling as Twilight and Rainbow Dash rushed up to me, to give me hugs. Pinkie Pie was bouncing off of the furniture, and steadily blowing on her noise maker, while I noticed that the others were just gathered near the center of the living room watching and smiling. "Welcome back," Twilight said. "Were you surprised?" "You bet I was," I told her, reaching down and giving her neck and gentle rub. "I didn't expect any of this." "Ooh, ooh! It was soooo my idea," Pinkie said, still bouncing. "I wanted to bring the party cannon, but they told me not to." "Well, I'm still thrilled," I told her. "Party cannon or no party cannon." While I was being hugged and pulled on by Pinkie, Rarity motioned for me to look behind her at the cake that they pitched in for. It wasn't a large cake, but it was a nice one. I didn't think to ask them how in the hell they managed to get it through the damn shower portal in one piece. "There's punch, if you want, or you can have one of those beers you seem so fond of," she told me. "Oh, what's that?" Following her gaze, I looked down at the two small sacks in my hands. I wanted to say that they were nothing, but one look at my face, and I think she knew that in there somewhere was the accursed medication. I offered her a wry smile, and she took the hint, jerking her head toward Applejack, and shoving on her. "I was gonna go say my howdy-do's," she fussed, making her way slowly to me. "Hey, Applejack," I said, reaching down and patting her on her neck. "How's tricks?" "Fine," she said, staring at the bags. "So, what'cha got in there?" Letting out a short sigh, I presented them to her. "One is my medicine, and the other is a present." I thought for a second that the entire universe ceased to move. Instantly all my pony friends came to a screeching halt. And by that I mean, literally. Pinkie was screeching, as though she were putting the brakes on something, and finally settled down when she noticed the unified hush. "What's the present?" Rainbow asked, coming up to me and sticking her nose inches from the sack. "I'll show you in a minute," I told her while offering her a gentle push. "First things first. We have cake." "YAY! CAKE!" Pinkie yelled, then launched herself off the back of the couch in a series of cartwheels. "What do you want to do today, Tommy?" Looking behind me, I noticed that Twilight was calmly resting on her rump on the floor. "What do you mean? I thought we were going to go out and celebrate. Spend the whole day together." "I know that, but I mean... what do you want to do with all of us?" "Honestly? "Honestly." "I want to just enjoy being with you guys for as long as I can." Giving it some thought, I said. "How about we spend the day here, playing games, singing karaoke, and eating cake until we're stupid with sugar." "I want to be stupid with sugar!" Pinkie yelled, waving her hoof in the air. "Pinkie, you are walking right into a bad joke," Applejack cautioned. "Put yer hoof down!" "What in the heck is carry-okie?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking between her friends for an answer. "You're going to love it," I said. Looking back at Twilight, I smiled. * * * * * Evening came early. I suppose it does when you get caught up in fun and games. Everything from Twister to Cards Against Humanity were set out, and yes... we all took turns singing karaoke. I think the only one that didn't find our hoots and cheers fun was Rarity, as she tried to sing A Whole New World from the Disney movie Aladdin. The first to collapse from the fun was Pinkie. Even a fun machine of her caliber could only handle so much octane before the engine busted, and after her was Fluttershy. They were crashed on the couch in the living room while the rest of us made our way to the kitchen, and sat around my table, eying the final bag. "Well, this is it," I said allowing my eyes to roam up to the clock. "It's time for me to take this." "Should we go get Pinkie and Fluttershy up?" Twilight asked. "No. Just let them sleep," I said. "If I had to look at their big sad eyes, I'd chicken out and throw these pills in the trash." I could see that Rainbow Dash was upset. Her arms were folded, and she was slouched in her chair. If her looks could kill, the bag would have had a hole in it the size of the fucking moon. Opening the bottle, I extracted the pills, and set them on the table. "Here's to my friends," I said, lifting up my glass of water. "Good times, and good health." It was a stupid speech. I know that. But I was still trying to keep the mood from growing too somber. Tossing the pills in my mouth, I brought the glass of water up, and placed it against my bottom lip. I watched Twilight from the corner of my eye. If she was going to stop me, she didn't make a move to, and I knew that it was okay. She was at peace with what ever outcome would come. Swallowing the pills down, I sat the glass back on the table, and regarded each of my friends. Rarity was doing her best to keep a strong front. I knew she wanted to cry. Applejack had her lips pursed together, staring at the glass as though she wanted to break it against the wall. Twilight was holding my gaze, offering me a thin smile of encouragement. I know I needed it. The real heart breaker was Rainbow Dash. She wouldn't look at me. She had her face turned away slightly, staring at the empty space in the kitchen, as a streak of moisture ran down the side of her face. "Hey," I said, slowly rising from my chair. "How about we all pile up in the living room on some blankets? We can watch movies and eat popcorn until we fall asleep." "That sounds like a fine idea," Twilight said. And like that... the day was over. As the end credits of 500 Days of Summer crawled, I eased myself down further in the pile of ponies. Twilight was resting against my shoulder, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash were laying across my legs and mid section. Fishing the remote control out, I made sure not to wake any of them, and silently switched off the TV. "Tommy?" "Yeah, Twilight?" "If... if tomorrow comes, and we aren't here... you'll remember us won't you?" Leaning over and gently placing my lips against the top of her nose, I said, "Always." ~ * ~ Author's Note Yes! It's alive! After a year of hiatus, the story lives again. A huge thank you to everyone that stuck by this. And, a huge thank you to Davidism for the much needed assistance with reviving this story.
