Constantine and the Eternal Night

by Jaysteeny

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Doctor Whooves, Other, Nightmare Moon
Length: 27141

The summer solstice. One of the most celebrated days of the year in Equestria. On Earth, not so much

An Earth man wakes up early to watch the sunrise on the longest day of the year. Meanwhile in Equestria, Nightmare Moon makes sure the sun shall never rise again, and adds a little something for a nice touch. This is based upon eye-witness accounts of what two of my best friends remember of their time in Equestria.
Please note: The first few chapters aren't very good, and neither George nor Sam likes them.

Cover art by AegisExemplar, but it can always be better. If you can make a better looking one of it, please do.

Published 2012-02-29 09:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-04 22:44:43 UTC

Part 1: New Moon Rising

Chapter 1: New Moon Rising

The man stared at the dark horizon. “What’s going on?” he thought. Today was the summer solstice, and he had gotten up early to watch the sunrise. “The sun should have risen half an hour ago, but there’s still no sign of it!” There was a pale glow appearing. Last year he was watching the Western horizon, but this was a sign that for once he had gotten it right.

The man’s name was George Arthur Constantine, about 5 point 8 feet tall, with short brown hair. He was dressed simply, in a pair of camo cargo shorts, with a camera and multi-tool in pouches on his belt, and a plain grey t-shirt. He was cleanly shaven, and had electric blue eyes that seemed to be trying to take in as much as possible at once. His feet were large and bare, with trimmed toenails to match his fingers. He had always thought the sunrise was a magical moment, particularly on the solstice. He was sad that he had no one to share it with.

It was this moment that he realised something was wrong. He voiced his thoughts, though he was alone and nobody else would hear them.

‘That light…It looks almost like…What’s going o–‘

A blinding flash of white light, direct from the newly risen moon, a scream, then silence.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

The Queen sat in her sister’s throne. It was uncomfortable, but she was relieved by the knowledge she wouldn’t have to endure it for long, soon her own throne room would be built and she could have this temple of tortured memories demolished. She smiled at the thought. Of course Celestia was staying where she was, for a thousand years at least, but she knew eternal night would get old pretty soon. Nightmare Moon would study her sister’s art and one day raise the sun, to show that she cared for her subjects far more than her tyrant sister. She thought that a second moon to replace the sun was a nice touch, until she figured out how to make daytime work.

When she created this mighty tribute to her greatness, however, she needed an impossibly large amount of power, far greater than one universe could provide. While making this monument, she was unaware of the risks involved, and that she could destroy not only her own, but also tens of other universes.

She got lucky. But for one fatal flaw…

(Authors notes) Sorry it's so short, but I did this in like an hour, maybe less. I will write more, this is my first time, however, so please tell me how to improve (other than obviously making it longer) Now, for the questions I'd like to ask if I were a viewer: I had a little trouble with the title, but eventually it came through. As for George, the hardest part was his last name. No, I am not accepting editors, though people I know IRL may be able to help me with finishing a sentence (like what to call Celestia's throne room[ended up being temple of tortured memories]as an insult). So, as I will always do from now on, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 2: Meetings

Chapter 2: Meetings

The creature stirred on a hard marble floor. The creature was a man, named George Arthur Constantine. “What happened?” he thought to himself. He thought back on what had happened. He was watching the sunrise on the longest day of the year, and then….Nothing.

‘The creature is awakening, Ma’am!’ Said a stern voice.

‘Ah, good. Now we can find out what it is, and how it got here.’ Said a voice that was surely female, and undoubtedly evil.

‘W-what happened?’ Said George groggily, struggling to sit up, eyes still closed. ‘I feel sick…’

He was going to think through everything he had eaten in the past 24 hours, and whether it could have been drugged, before getting a chance to look at it. He hadn’t been watching the sunrise from his own house, his friend had a beachfront property, but it was an unstable neighbourhood. In fact his friend was an addict, but gladly let George stay at his house. The friend was doing something he couldn’t talk about anyway, so why not. He wondered what the flash was. “It might have been a raid, and they used a flash grenade and smacked me in the back of the head with their stick,” he pondered, oblivious to the fact he was being watched “Or maybe someone’s meth lab exploded…”

The newly crowned Queen of Equestria grew impatient.

‘You will answer my questions, or be destroyed, creature.’ She said in a paradoxically casual yet serious tone. The man gave a start.

‘Huh, what?’ He said, his eyes snapping open and looking at the source of the voice ‘Okay, now I know he put drugs in his teabags. I’m seeing talking unicorns, and one has wings.’

‘How dare you insult the Queen of Equestria!’ Shouted the Unicorn guard ‘Shall I fetch someone to throw it in the dungeon, your majesty?’ He asked, turning to his mistress.

‘No. It’s fine. But it appears it can speak our language. Summon the time-master.’ She said, a grin slowly spreading across her face. ‘Perhaps he can explain how this happened.’

George was in way out of his depth.

‘So, creature, what are you?’ She asked politely, though a note of danger was still in her voice.

‘If this is real, a human,’ He said slowly ‘And if not, so are you.’

‘Well clearly this is real, then human. And I am the last of the Alicorns, after my sister was imprisoned.’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry, my name is G-‘

‘Don’t be. I imprisoned her, as she imprisoned me.’ She hissed, her tone no longer conversational, but something that made him want to run and hide, and anger filled her face. The anger faded, and she continued. ‘My name is Nightmare Moon, what was your name again?’

‘Constantine. George Arthur Constantine. Human, from Earth. From what you’ve been saying, this place is called Equestria, and judging by that name, it’s inhabited by horses or something, right?’

‘Correct. I think I’m beginning to like you, despite your strange appearance. The three main groups are Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies. There are also Gryphons and Dragons in the minority, and one Alicorn: Me. Now there is also one human. I sent captain Golden Shield to get an Earth pony calling himself “The Doctor” or sometimes “Doctor Whooves”. He claims he has the power to travel in time, and a scientific knowledge unsurpassed in all of Equestria. You have been very obedient. I think I may let you remain at the palace, if you so wish.’

‘Huh. Doctor Whooves…Sounds almost like this TV show back on Earth. Never quite got into it. As far as I can tell, he goes around time and space with a random human in a phone booth. I much prefer Red Dwarf, far more comedic value.’

‘Well, I think that’s him here now, ah yes. Now Doctor, tell me how this happened.’ A chestnut stallion was being dragged in by his front legs; it looked as though he had been extensively tortured, though no blood was on his ruffled coat. Nightmare Moon gestured with her hoof to George. ‘You told me what to do, and assured me nothing could go wrong. You will explain what happened. NOW!’

‘What’s that glow around his front legs?’ Asked George out of curiosity. ‘And there’s no proof that he didn’t just make a mistake, and I got teleported accidentally’

At this the Stallion looked indignant, and said ‘I don’t make mistakes. I told you there were risks, far greater than you thought. I told you one universe had nowhere near enough power to create a new moon, and that if you went wrong–‘

‘I don’t make mistakes either!’ the Queen shouted back. ‘And you would do well to remember that.’

‘I never said you did go wrong. I never expected this to happen. It’s impossible, and that is a term I don’t use lightly. The only risk I saw associated was the destruction of our universe, and tens of others. You waved me away when I tried to warn you, just as you are doing now. With your permission, I’d like to find out more about it.’

‘Ahem, I’m still here!’ Interrupted George angrily ‘And I don’t like being referred to as “it” or “creature”. Please use my name.’ After this outburst he realised he should calm down, lest he end up like the poor creature now arguing with the Queen.

‘Well, I think we need to figure out what’s going on, don’t you?’ Said The Doctor.

‘Yes indeed’ Said Nightmare Moon ‘And more importantly how to fix it.’ For the first time today, they agreed on something.

(Author's notes) Well, left it on a cliffhanger. Mostly 'cos I've run out of time and not even I know where this story's going. Remember to click that little button up at the top that says "track" And, as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 4: Anal Probing

Chapter 4: Anal Probing
(Still not clop)

A man sat, staring at his keyboard. He spent all his ideas on a chapter that would go unpublished until after a resolution had been reached, and his storyline was looking shorter and thinner by the minute. After this admission, he decided he must go on, with major continuity errors noticeable for those who are unlucky enough to read part three before they read this.

‘So basically, we all look away, you take off your clothes and step inside the scanner, call out to me, I start the process and we’ll address the rest when we get there, okay George?’ stated the doctor. A game plan was needed, that’s for sure, and the doctor believed he was the one most qualified to do it. Unfortunately, captain Golden Shield thought otherwise.

‘I say we do it my way.’ He argued. Unfortunately, his way involved watching George to make sure no escape attempts were made. ‘We don’t even know if he was telling us the truth when he said he was male.’ His argument, however, fell on deaf ears, as George much preferred the doctor’s plan. He decided to at least humour the captain, and said he could place a door guard, but the very idea of a mare staring intensely at him while he was naked was just creeping him out.

‘Alright, so my plan is, we do what the doctor says, with your…’ He stopped to snigger. Still with a note of laughter in his voice, he continued ‘Unicorns... heheheh… I’m sorry, but on Earth, unicorns are considered a bit, well…’ He stopped, due to the glares he was getting from two and a half pairs of unicorn eyes. Noticing the odd number of glaring eyes, he asked ‘How’d you lose that eye?’ One of the doctor’s guards stood a little straighter. He had a cut going down across his right eyelid.

‘I served in the Equestrian military a few years back, we went up against a nest of three full grown dragons, and–‘

‘Okay, I don’t want to know. I have a friend who’s in the SAS, haven’t heard from him in a while, but he got picked to be in some special unit, they’re probably on a secret mission somewhere… Right, I was saying I’ve heard war stories, and they’re always pretty gruesome. Just hope you got that dragon back.’ Actually, it hadn’t happened until they were on the way back home, ragingly drunk after they had successfully gotten rid of them all, finding among their treasures they had a few casks of wine. He didn’t see a root sticking out, tripped, and cut his eye open on a rock. He decided, for pride’s sake, to let George believe what he wanted.

‘Well, after that narrowly avoided flashback I think we better get started. Gentlecolts, if you will.’ They turned, though three eyes remained in a place they could watch the doctor from. He pushed some buttons, and the chamber of the scanner opened. ‘Nightmare Moon’ll have this report in a jiffy!’

‘Okay, I’m going in. If you lock me in there, I’ll find a way out and kill you.’ Threatened George, with all seriousness. He was quite fast getting in and out of clothes, and hoped that the scanner didn’t hurt, and that there was no probing.

‘ALLON-SY!’ Yelled the doctor, slamming a control which sealed the doors and began the process. ‘Oh, and because we want to know what you eat, and your vomit from earlier wasn’t accurate enough, we will be anally probing you.’ He said, with a knowing wink to the unicorns guarding him. One winked back, the other might have just been blinking, the doctor never found out.

‘Oh, bugger. And here I was thinking I could have my first normal day in Equestria. Well, that idea’s out the window!’ He thought about the closest he’d ever gotten to meeting royalty, then felt his vision go funny as he remembered it in 720p detail.

It was one of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s visits to Australia. George was only a kid at the time, and wasn’t even in the first row, he was in the third of 10. He waved an unfamiliar flag uncertainly, at the time he thought it was just a small section of the Australian flag, but he went with it anyway. The police escort went past, the car the Queen was in, more police, and it was over. Not even 10 seconds.

‘Are we done yet?’ He hazarded. He hadn’t felt anything at the tip of his spine, which was good.

‘Oh yes, we finished a while ago, but we decided to wait for your flashback to finish.’ Replied the Doctor, muffling a laugh with one of his fore hooves. ‘I suppose I’d better let you out now?’

‘Yes thank–oh!’ He was cut short by the door of the circular chamber opening very suddenly. ‘What happened to that probing you warned me about?’

‘Well, urm…See I thought it would be funny to tell you that was going to happen, even though nothing of the sort was actually planned.’ Replied Doctor Whooves, still trying not to laugh. The guards had no such problem, they were trained to not laugh.

‘So my spew on the floor was conclusive?’ He said, knowing that if anypony trotted in at that moment that would sound REALLY weird out of context.

‘No, that part was true. I came here to extract the information from you verbally.’ Said the Captain, not realising that it sounded threatening.

‘Okay, I’m dressed now. It’s a little hot, to be honest, like a North Queensland summer night, so I’ll keep my shirt off.’ He walked over to where some results were printing out. ‘And could I get some brekkie while we’re at it? Also, doctor, your face is kinda bruised up a bit. Is that from the smashing or the dropping?’ He ignored the fact that technically a bruise shouldn’t be able to be seen because of the fur. He was in another universe, it probably made sense here.

‘AWAY FROM THAT REPORT VAGABOND!’ Yelled Nightmare Moon, suddenly teleporting into the room, almost causing George to REALLY wish he bought some extra clothes. ‘I SHALL BE THE FIRST TO READ THY REPORT!’

‘Well, this isn’t going to be a fun holiday’ Moped Constantine. He was too confused to be anything but sad and bored.

(Authors notes) I might have forgotten to do some formatting, but I don't think there are any italics in here so should be sweet. BTW chapter will be uploaded weekly on Tuesdays. Dang thing refuses to upload! GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 5: The Golf War

Chapter 5: The Golf War
No offense is intended to those brave veterans, I just liked the pun.

A man placed a white, pitted ball onto a small spike in the ground, making sure it was in straight. He stood up, took a pole with a rounded end from a man standing nearby, and took aim. The man swung it slowly back, then, suddenly, he moved it just fast enough that it could still be seen and struck the ball with the edge of the rounded end. The ball sailed through the air, flying towards a flag. Closer and closer and closer, until–Sparks flew from the display, there was a lot of smoke and fire around it.

‘Drat! I just got this machine working!’ Said the doctor irritably. ‘We were receiving signals from a wavelength in what I’m sure was your universe, other than the internet (Such a strange place, if I do say so myself). Did you recognise anything, Constantine?’

George Arthur Constantine was sitting nearby. He wore clothes quite different from the ones he first came to Equestria in. He was now wearing a white shirt, dirty on the front as he was just helping the doctor with his 22nd attempt to send him home, or at least make progress in that direction. He insisted that he had pants as much the same as the ones he first arrived in, but was stuck with some khaki cargo pants. He much preferred shorts. He was wearing also, a different leather belt to the one he arrived in, though his camera and multitool were still hanging from it. He also owned a leather jacket, but right now he wasn’t wearing it. He had a leather wide-brimmed hat resting on his knee. The doctor was wearing a brown leather coat, mostly because it looked cool.

‘Well, it’s been…1 year, 3 months, 5 days and 6 hours since I’ve been on earth, but that was definitely golf. We’re getting closer. It’ll be any day now, I can feel it!’ He was getting enthusiastic, but after all this time he was prepared for a disappointment. ‘Want to go play a game, you know to celebrate?’

‘No, you’d probably cheat, what with your bipedal-ness and things.’ The Doctor was actually worried he’d change the rules to win. ‘And anyway, it’s a team sport, isn’t it?’

‘No it isn’t, even I could tell that. I’ll get some of my men to set up a course, we’ll have an interspecies competition, and I’ll be representing unicorns personally, of course.’ Stated Golden Shield proudly. He wasn’t a captain anymore, now he was general of the Unicorn branch of the Equestrian national military. But even he had questions ‘So what are the rules, anyway?’

‘Another of the things I never got into, golf. If I remember rightly, it’s a gentlestallion’s sport in which the winner has the lowest score. If that doesn’t make any sense, I think each hole has a set number of hits, like -6 or something.’ He scratched his head, and got out a pen and paper. It had nothing to do with him remembering the rules of golf, he just drew some squiggly lines on it, but somehow it helped him to think. “If I’m remembrin’ rightly” he said in the best Confederate American voice he could muster “Each hit ya’ take is plus 1 point, gettin’ inta positives is sure as sugarcubes a bad sign.” He, quite deservingly, got a lot of strange looks.

‘You know, we could just access Earth’s internet again, right? It’d take a whole lot of this trouble away.’ Suggested the doctor. Constantine felt stupid, like most of the time he was around the doctor. ‘I didn’t think it crossed your mind, did it?’

‘Shut up doctor, or you’re going to be my next meaty meal.’ He threatened. He was the only sentient being in all of Equestria, aside from gryphons and dragons, which ate meat. ‘So how many species are we talking here, Cap?’

‘I keep telling you, ever since my first promotion, I’M NOT A CAPTAIN ANYMORE!’ He yelled. Regaining his composure, he answered a sniggering George ‘Well, let’s see…We got the three in this room, who are the representatives, dragons four, gryphons five, Zebra six, Buffalo seven, a Pegasus 8, and I’ve heard from some of my men who work a mountain beside a village on the border of the Everfree forest something called “Diamond dogs”, so that’s 9. Anyone I’ve forgotten?’ No sooner were these words out of his mouth that he regretted it.

‘PERHAPS THOU HAST FORGOTTEN ME?’ Boomed The Queen’s mighty voice as she teleported in. She sounded more annoyed than usual.

‘Oh, sweet Celestia, now I’m in for it…’ The frightened general muttered just quiet enough Nightmare moon didn’t hear it, but she heard the word “Celestia”, and that was enough to incur her wrath.

‘WHAT DIDST THOU SAY, COLT?!’ She yelled, even louder now. George giggled to himself and held onto his squiggle paper, and something bolted down. The doctor hurt his teeth trying to stay in place.

‘My apologies, your majesty, I was just cursing my own foolishness’ He knew how to kiss flank, and he was doing it right now. It seemed to work, as the goddess of the night seemed to calm down.

‘Very well, it would seem we have ten competitors. Perhaps we should have this competition at the beginning of the New Age.’ She hadn’t planned on warning anyone about a new age, but now she realised she hadn’t warned them already. She blushed, but the others seemed to not notice and she was glad. ‘If thou didst not know, I shall someday soon raise the sun, upon the dawn of a New Age. Don’t let me catch you using that accursed word ever again, or I shall test new and creative ways of punishing you, some of which may be present in certain fanfics.’ Golden Shield gulped. The doctor put a consoling hoof on his shoulder. Constantine was confused.

‘Nightmare Moon, AWAAAYYY!’ She shouted, crashing through one of the once many stained glass windows depicting her sister. Just when George thought things were becoming normal, something like this happens.

(Authors notes) I'm sorry, I couldn't resist breaking the fourth wall. I'm currently working on part 7, but I will only upload once a week, to avoid what I'm going to call right now Spam-and-wait. And yes, Bunnanaking, Nightmare Moon did steal your trademark. She was on the internet, found Fimfiction.net, and happened to chance upon your fic, and decided that for teh lulz she'd use your trademark. Again, I don't care if The Fourth Wall is broken, because it gets worse in later chapters, when I change my fomatting slightly, just because I was told commas at the end of dialogue annoys people. GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 6: The coming together of Species

Chapter 6: The coming together of Species

The guards worked tirelessly; glad that their queen had ensured the sun didn’t burn at their backs. They were making a golf course, 18 holes, working off drawings downloaded from the internet, as they had no clue what golf was nor how to make a course for it. They were nervous, as the work had to be completed before mid-winter, and competitors and supporters were already arriving. The competitors who had already arrived were the ones who didn’t live right nearby or arrive practically instantly, such as Buffalo, Earth ponies, Dragons, Gryphons and a human. General Golden Shield was overseeing construction, and he conversed with his good friend and fellow general Featherback about the entry from the Pegasus species.

“I’m entering myself of course, because I’m just boss like that.” Golden Shield stated proudly. “Are you going to do the same?”

“No, I’m far too uncoordinated with my hooves to hold one of these clubs, and I have terrible aim.” Answered Featherback ashamedly. “I’ll just get some pony from Cloudsdale to play. I’ve heard some good things about one particular filly.”

“Truth be told, I’m a little apprehensive of these dragons. The full grown ones are too big to compete, and if a young one competes and loses, he might be eaten.” Said doctor whooves worriedly. But that wasn’t what had him worried. He hadn’t gotten a chance to play before, and there was no time to practice before mid-winter in a couple of weeks. “I think Constantine mentioned something called ‘minigolf’, why don’t we give that a try in preparation for the big day?”

“The reason we don’t give it a try is because our friends here may be insulted we are getting practice and they aren’t. Although, I do only have a only a quarter of my forces working on this, and they’ll be done with time to spare at this rate, so why not get a couple of men to set one up, and we’ll invite all of the players up to Canterlot castle for a few practice sessions, or even send plans to some on how to make their own if they’d prefer. Good idea Doctor!” The general had started out sounding pretty negative, but turned it around quite quickly. He whispered something to Featherback, who responded by whistling to the sky. Immediately a pair of gold-clad pegasi arrived, searching for danger, seeing none, they knew it was an errand, and bowed.

“Go up to Canterlot, and tell Constantine to get schematics for a minigolf course, one of you send the plans to any groups who are capable of making it themselves, and don’t live too far away. The other should muster some forces to make one in Canterlot.” Ordered Featherback. They saluted, and flew off.

“Well, now we need to decide if Constantine should get a turn. He has probably done this before, you know.” Golden Shield put forth. He then realised the one thing Featherback forgot. “What if her majesty doesn’t want us building a minigolf course?”

“Oh…Well, I’m glad it isn’t Celestia, otherwise I’d be on the MOOOOON!” Joked Featherback getting up onto his hind legs, getting the strangest feeling that Nightmare moon was behind him right now. “Shield, how bucked am I?”

“YOU MOCK MY SUFFERING?” she boomed to a now shivering Pegasus, Golden Shield hadn’t answered, but had the good sense to get out of the way. He started to giggle, despite only weeks ago receiving a similar treatment.

“P-please m-m-mistress! I’m s-sorry!” He stammered. His lips weren’t as flexible as Golden Shield’s when it came to getting out of the firing line that was The Queen’s voice.

“I believe what he meant, Moony, was that your predecessor would send ponies to the moon for petty reasons, he probably meant no offense to you, only to your tyrant sister.” Only one pony in all of Equestria could talk to her like that and live to tell the tale. True, the doctor did recieve a light flogging whenever he did, but he survived nevertheless. The Queen was beginning to think he liked it.

“IS THIS TRUE FEATHERBACK?” She knew the entire population’s names personally, because it’s good PR.

“Uh…Yes?” He was a bit of a featherbrain too, sometimes. “If what he just said was words that might save me, I’ll go with it.”

“Ma’am! I came to ask permission to build a miniature golf course so that players might practice until the competition day!” yelled a returning and obviously quite exhausted Pegasus. Constantine wasn’t as clever as the doctor, but then again who was, but he was smart enough to keep Featherhead alive just a little bit longer.

“Who sent you?” She asked coolly. The Pegasus was expecting a trap and so followed the orders Constantine gave him.

“General Featherback, ma’am!” He replied. It seemed to work, and he was careful not to let his relief show.

“By all means, build away, and send a scout with schematics to the Diamond Dogs, and another one to Cloudsdale. ATTENTION VISITORS!” She announced, “IN TWO DAYS I SHALL BE HOSTING A SMALL FRIENDLY COMPETITION FOR ALL PLAYERS AND CLAN LEADERS! NO OTHERS MAY COME!” Her message was clear, if the leader of the species was not that species’ competitor, they were still welcome to come, along with the elected player. But what was unclear was whether they were welcome to practice.

(Authors notes) Yes, I changed the formatting, no, I don't care. If you think this is bad, wait until next chapter, when the formatting is made to intentionally irritate. I hope you all appreciate the fact that I'm giving up my Tuesday afternoons to upload these, and a bit of forewarning: I'm going to have some trouble uploading over my Easter Holidays coming up soon. In short: Over the Easter Holidays there will be no new chapters. And as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 7: More than a Cameo

Chapter 7: More Than a Cameo

Rainbow Dash snoozed on her cloud, dreaming pleasantly. But anypony who knew her well knew she was dreaming about the Shadow Bolts. The best Pegasus athletes that Equestria had ever seen. But the ones watching her knew her only by reputation, and that went to show exactly how great her reputation was, as they were all very high ranking Pegasi in the Equestrian royal guard. Two officers that the budget couldn’t afford names for, and the remarkably still general Featherback. The general cleared his throat.

“YES! PICK ME FOR THE SHADOW BOLTS! I’M THE ONE YOU WANT!” She yelled, waking from her dream and sitting bolt upright. Grinning sheepishly and blushing she said “Oh, um… That was out loud wasn’t it… If this is about that storm in Canterlot last week, I was told to put it there. But if you’re recruiting for the Shadow Bolts, your search can stop here,”

“No, actually we’re here because we’re searching for a pony to represent all of Pegasus kind, in the first great interspecies golf tournament. But maybe I might be able to mention something to Queen Nightmare Moon,” He replied casually, laughing on the inside at her earlier outburst.

“And let me guess, you heard about me, and I’m gonna represent all of Pegasus kind. And I thought I’d just get a cameo in this fic. What is golf, anyway?” She asked perplexedly.

“Golf is a sport played a by a weird species in another universe. But that’s not what we want you for. We thought because you cleared clouds all around the place, you might be able to direct us to a Filly named ‘Fluttershy’. She’s going to be our representative,” Rainbow’s face fell. “Sorry if we’ve upset you,”

“Upset? Why would I be upset,” said Rainbow, doing badly at disguising her emotion. “I’ll lead you to her cottage, she lives on the ground. Follow me, if you can keep up,”

“I’m sure we will be able to. But the trouble is getting her to Cloudsdale so she can practice, if she’s an Earthbound pony,” He replied “Oh well, no knowing for sure until we ask her! Lead on, Rainbow dash,” The group took off, a rainbow streak followed by a trio of white blurs. Featherback was glad the Author had stopped trying to mess with his name.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

Fluttershy was in her garden, tending to her animals, when suddenly she saw a rainbow streak coming straight for her. She screamed, knowing full well it was Rainbow Dash, but the last time she was paid a visit it wasn’t to be given good news. She picked herself up on her tiny yellow wings, and flew inside her cottage as fast as she could. The streak landed and trotted to the bridge. She turned and spoke to the guards.

“Uh, she’s a little shy, so which of you ranks lowest? I don’t think she’d be able to take a general showing up on her doorstep, and well,” She paused, thinking of how to tell them a rainbow maned cyan pony showing up on her doorstep would be just as bad. Finally she said “Let’s just say I might have put some illegal goods in her cottage at one stage,”

“Anonymous Pegasus #3, that’s you. Be gentle,” Said Featherhead, before going and hiding behind a tree and gesturing to the others to follow suit. The Pegasus trotted forwards and knocked on the door.

“GO AWAY RAINBOW DASH! I DON’T WANT ANY PART OF WHATEVER TROUBLE YOU’RE GETTING YOURSELF INTO THIS TIME,” A timid yet forceful voice came from beyond the locked door, ruffling the guard’s mane.

“Uhhh…Rainbow dash isn’t here…” He tried, and it seemed to work. The door opened a crack. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m only delivering good news,” the eye Fluttershy was looking through the door with had widened in terror when she spotted that it was a royal guard, and quite a high ranking one at that, but she seemed to calm down after this statement.

“W-why are y-you here,” She stammered out. No matter what this guard said, she was still scared. “W-why would s-someone as high up as y-you come h-here? D-did R-r-Rainbow Dash tell you s-something? Or d-did you find out s-some other w-way,” She was practically signing her own arrest warrant, but the guard ignored it.

“Well, we decided your quiet nature and the fact that you’re a Pegasus would make you perfectly qualified to play golf representing all of Pegasus kind,” Suddenly, without warning, Fluttershy fainted. And with just as little warning, his superior’s hoof struck him in the side of the head, knocking him out cold.

“Well, that went swimmingly. Anonymous Pegasus #2, check if they’re still alive, Rainbow Dash, I need you to deliver a couple of messages,” Said Featherback, turning to the blue pony. Rainbow’s face suddenly lit up, knowing she’d get the chance to show how fast she was to these guards. “First, go to Canterlot and tell them I sent you about operation ‘G01f p3ga5u5’, they’ll know what you mean. Tell them we aren’t too sure what her answer is, but we’re working on it, and if it’s no, that you are going to be forced into it. Next, go to Cloudsdale and see if you can find Fluttershy’s mother, I’m sure she’ll know how to convince this Earthbound Pegasus to play. But please, don’t tell her we made her faint,”

“You can count on me! I’ll be done in 10 seconds flat,” She replied, not thinking that she’d have to stop in order to deliver the messages and taking off.

“They’re both alive, general,” said the anonymous Pegasus as a sonic boom sounded off in the distance. “But I think Anonymous Pegasus #3 might have a haemorrhage, and probably won’t be able to fly for a while. Looks like we’re carrying him,”

“OR we could just make him walk to the golf course to wait until he’s recovered. It’s not that far. And as for this filly, we’ll carry her somewhere where she can recover to the sight of a familiar face,” suggested Featherback. He wasn’t awarded the rank of General for poor tactics.

“What if she recovers before him? Then we’ve wasted our time waiting. Why don’t we carry them both to the nearest place we can find, and hope nothing goes horribly wrong like it always does right after the Fourth Wall is broken,”

“Name one time that’s happened,” Featherback received no answer. Unfortunately, his subordinate was right, and they would have to carry them both. “Fine, but you’re carrying Anonymous Pegasus #3,”

They hoisted the unconscious ponies onto their backs, and trotted off into the moonset. After they had left however, a grey mass flew erratically in, did something at the mailbox, and flew off, once again erratically.

(Authors notes) TENSION! As of the time I write this, the formatting will be standardised from now on. Unfortunately of course, they're going to sugar cube corner, and I do not have godly control over what happens there. And Pinkie showed up a couple of days ago, for three reasons. 1, to destroy my portal to equestria. 2, to get a part in my fic, which I had previously refused. and 3, to help me out with the storyline. I will be taking a break over the Easter Holidays, as I will have no internet or even computer access for quite a while. I was only recently told, however, that the height I made Constantine was short, so I have to go back and fix it. *Goes and finds conversion from centimeters to hooves* Well, now I just need to care enough to go back and edit, or take my editor's suggestions into account...Course, he can't quite edit right now, becuase we both have exam block and he was studying this morning when I asked if he had time to edit this. But anyway, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 8: No rules (A.K.A., rules to be broken)

Chapter 8: Rules to be broken

“Oh hey, look a Fourth wall! I’m gonna break it,” Said Pinkie Pie, right before being knocked out by the back hoof of a royal Pegasus Guard.

“Why did you do that? It’s not like she was going to be important anyway, and you don’t even know who she is,” Said general Featherback, astounded at his subordinate’s actions.

“Sorry sir, Author’s orders. Not even a cameo, he said. And she was threatening to break the Fourth wall, after all. We can’t have that, now can we,” Replied Anonymous Pegasus #2 “I believe we have her criminal record on file. She got off mostly because she pleaded insanity, and let’s face it, we believe her. I’m pretty sure her name is ‘Pinkamena Diane Pie’, kinda weird name, if you ask me,”

The general, face-hoofing, replied “You didn’t have to clobber her, you know,” No sooner were these words out of his mouth, than he realised exactly what the reply would be.

“You didn’t have to clobber him,” He said casually, indicating his comrade with a shrug and nod that caused a dangerous looking shift of weight in the package known as Anonymous Pegasus #3 “So we gonna dump and run?”

“No, you’re going to carefully put him down, then take her downstairs into the basement, but only the basement made specifically for this fic, stay away from any others there might be,” replied Featherback, unloading his back and flapping his wings slightly “And once you’ve done that, find somepony in charge to help us out, and see if they know our yellow friend here. Oh, and we’ll probably need a medical team to treat both of these ponies. Great back hoof, by the way,”

‘I’ll go down myself, thanks!’ said Pinkie, awakening and doing her own formatting ‘What? I always do my own formatting.’ All she got was blank looks from the two stallions in the room. “Fine, I’ll let Jaysteeny do the formatting,” she conceded. “Oh, hey! Is that Fluttershy?”

Without waiting for an answer, she rushed over to the butter yellow Pegasus and stood over her, knowing full well that her timing was going to be perfect. Fluttershy’s eyelids fluttered open, looked suddenly bewildered, and calmed down upon seeing the pink pony. A familiar face that didn’t scare her.

“Oh, hello Pinkie. I just had a most frightening dream. I was told to represent all of Pegasus kind in a weird inter-universal sport called golf. Doesn’t that sound just so…”She paused to think of the word, but the train of thought terminated at that station, and quickly derailed from there, as she realised she was in sugar cube corner, and not her cottage. “…H-how did I g-get here P-Pinkie,” she stammered, growing suddenly afraid that her dream was real, and no more courageous about it. About half-way through the ensuing gush of words, Fluttershy regretted asking at all.

“Some nice royal guards bought you in here, or at least I thought they were nice but one of them kicked me in the head for no reason, why did you do that anyway royal guard? But one of them really was nice because he was really careful when he put you on the floor, and I don’t know about the other one because he hasn’t woken up yet. I tried to break the fourth wall, but then I realised by talking about it, I’ve already broken it! Isn’t that funny,” Said Pinkie, leaving the three pegasi in the room wondering how she did that without taking a breath, but being trained for surprise, fear and ruthless efficiency, Featherback moved the conversation along before she could speak again.

“I’m sorry for Anonymous Pegasus #3’s actions. I should have realised he would be frightening to you,” He spoke in a voice rivalled in softness only by the mare he said it to.

“Oh, i-it’s okay, really.” She responded positively, doing quite well to keep her fear from entering her voice. “I get scared all the time. But everypony always says to me ‘Fluttershy, stop being so wimpy and learn to be assertive’ so I’m going to be assertive. No, thank you. I’m sure Rainbow Dash would be happy to compete in my place, though,” Pinkie looked shocked, and suddenly sprang into the air gasping and hung there for several seconds, defying once again not only physics but also the Author’s wishes to move this story along.

“BUT FLUTTERSHY!” She shouted suddenly “If you become assertive for your entire appearance in this fic, then your image will become permanently modified and besides Rainbow can’t compete because she has to clean up unforeseen weather complications and another OC can’t compete, because Jaysteeny is fresh out of names and it would be weird for a pony called anonymous to compete, so don’t you see you HAVE to compete!” Featherback could sort of see the reasoning, but only barely, and there wasn’t the faintest trace of logic, but he went with it anyway.

“Uh, yeah…What she said…I guess…” He said clueless

“Oh, um…Well, would you like to compete Pinkie? I don’t know any other ponies that have as much energy as you, and all the other ponies Jaysteeny can think of, despite his awesomeness, already have important things to do, or would be incompatible with the position.” Fluttershy had a well-constructed argument, but Pinkie’s rebuttal was immune to such mere circumstances.

“Well I can’t compete, I’m not a Pegasus, duh. And besides, I have to help out with catering for the event with Mr & Mrs Cake and the Apple family,”

“Wait, how do you know ANYTHING about the event? We haven’t told anypony, even the ones involved in supplying the event, anything about what’s going on yet!”

“Duh, I had to go destroy a portal to Equestria and force Jaysteeny to include me in his fic, then I started giving him some ideas and then we worked together on how he could use my plot in his fic, without making a single plot joke, but then after he left I decided I’d put a few in any way!” Jaysteeny saw what Pinkie had done there, narrowed his eyes and growled low in his throat. His eyes then flicked to the word count. 1,037 which means it’s time to wrap the chapter up.

“Well, this has been roughly 4 or 5 minutes of mostly dialogue, so I think that means we have to have some sort of semi-resolution-cliff-hanger. Are you sure you won’t change your mind, Fluttershy?” All eyes in the room, and several outside of it, turned to the shy pony, and away from a now twitching pink pony.

“I…I think…” she began, but she never got to finish her sentence, because at that moment, there was an explosion of magical energy, taking the door off its hinges and knocking all the ponies off their hooves, startling and confusing them. Then the Author grinned like a Cheshire Cat, knowing that he had annoyed the smeg out of all of his readers. Again. For like the 6th time this episode. Meh.

(Authors notes) Well, this is the last chapter I wrote with both hands, and I'll write a good five or six more until I heal, but I promise you: it can ALWAYS get wierder. And there is something next chapter disagreeing with last chapter, so I'll change it next Monday unless I forget. Yarr, more accidental references ahead, mateys. Now I know why not to do AN when I'm about to go to sleep, then finishing them early in the morning, after having a dream where I'm in an epic battle with this guy and this martial artist girl, and I'm rambling. I've forgotten what needs to be said, so as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 9: Too Many Characters

Chapter 9: Too Many Characters

Golden Shield was worried, as were the pony and human beside him. They all thought the worst had happened, except George, who assumed Featherback was doing the manly thing and not asking for directions, which was in a way worse. At the same time, both the Doctor and George voiced their thoughts.

“Oh, I do hope he’s alright. He should have at least sent a messenger by now,” said a worried Doctor.

“Bah, you should still ask for directions, even if you can fly, you fool!” grumbled the only human in Equestria. Hearing one of his only friends speaking, he responded “Relax, this happened to my mates all the time back home. It’ll turn out that they ‘must ‘ave taken a wrong toin at Albatoikey’, meaning they were unsure, didn’t ask anyone or consult a map, watched some cartoons and went the wrong way. Either that, or found the place and negotiations have gone bad and they’re in a firefight. Whether or not you have guns here is none of my concern,”

“And if they are in danger then we should go and help them, if they’re lost we don’t need to, but if they’re lost and in danger we can’t.” Said Golden Shield gruffly “I’ve worked with all three of them before, and they can all handle themselves in fight, even if hostages are involved. You know Featherback was in the same squad as anonymous unicorn #2? The one who cut his eye out on a rock? Featherback killed one of those dragons all on his lonesome.” No matter how ridiculous it sounded, the Doctor knew he was probably right.

“There is one quick test we could try… Is your unicorn sense tingling, captain?” George received no answer.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

As the dust settled, the cause of the explosion would have become clearer, had any of those affected been conscious at the time. The cause was one of the most powerful mares of her generation, who was working alongside her only rival, aside from the Queen herself. She stepped in, grinning, and put her hat back on. Looking over her victims, she addressed them.

“Trixie hopes you will not mind me destroying the door, Miss Pie, Trixie wanted very much to see your guests.” She walked across the rubble to the stallions in shining armour. “A handsome trio of gents who also rank highly. And Trixie could barely resist a stallion in uniform before.” She smiled and looked more closely. Anonymous Pegasus #3, like all of at least his rank, had his name engraved on his armour, and inlaid bronze artwork to show he was fourth in the chain of command. Moving on to the one labelled Anonymous Pegasus #2, she saw he was ranked higher still, with silver artwork decorating him from flank to helm.

“Trixie is impressed. Trixie did not expect such esteemed military personnel to be providing information,” her hat was put aside as her horn lit up, checking for injuries and seeing how long until they came to. Most of them would be out long enough for her to take them back to base Earth pony style. Her horn suddenly detected a problem; one of them was suffering a haemorrhage. “Surely Trixie’s magic did not do this? Trixie’s co-conspirator will be most upset,” she checked melatonin levels, and they showed he would be awake sooner than the rest. “Ah, so you were sleeping before Trixie arrived. Trixie was worried for a moment there,”

It was then that she noticed the third warrior in the room. She leaned in to look closely at his armour, and saw something that sent a pleasant shiver along her spine. The most handsome of them all, in her opinion, had the platinum inlay only awarded to one Pegasus at any one time: She had taken the general captive. “Oh, Trixie will have such fun with you,” she mused, before levitating all of them and exiting the same way she entered, accompanied now by a stolen cupcake. Kidnapping is hungry work.

Mr Cake, entering from the kitchen, saw the mess, heard something along the lines of “he should really get out more instead of reading romance fics,” and saw the door-hinges and debris begin to levitate. He closed his eyes, held his breath and slowly counted to ten. When he opened them again, the door was in its rightful place, the floor was clean, and Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. “Perfect.” He said aloud before noticing one of the cupcakes he used in his other job was missing. He decided he’d wait for a week or two before detonating this batch.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Why don’t we ask that Zebra? See if her Zebra sense is tingling,” suggested Golden Shield, not realising how racist his comment seemed.

“Do I go up to you and ask if your unicorn sense is tingling,” responded George. Really he was just testing to see how much the general paid attention to him.

“Yes, you did just this morning,” the general, despite all of his tactical training and field experience, had no idea he just walked into a trap.

“And you didn’t like it, now did you? I don’t think you should take a hoof to the face on Featherbrain’s account. He’s as stubborn as the mules we didn’t invite,” George had no idea about all the training and experience the general had, and as much as that gave him the psychological advantage of ignorance, it also meant he could not prepare for his response. So, like all of their debates, it could go either way at all times.

“If that’s how you feel, then how about you go and ask her. I mean, you have experience in asking these kinds of questions,” he replied easily, with a smile that made his heart seem just like the metal of his armour: non-reactive.

“How about we try to find him, but you have to promise me you’ll ask for directions, when the time comes,” interjected the doctor, breaking the staring contest.

“Fine by me, doc. But asking for directions won’t do us much good. A philosopher friend of mine once said ‘you can’t find a lost man in familiar territory’ meaning to find him, we’ve got to get good and lost ourselves first,” replied George sagely. They ignored the Zebra idea, and set out for the nearby town. “This is going to be a bumpy ride.”

(Authors Notes) Bleh. Waking up early one handed. I intended to be done with the following chapter by the time I uploaded this, but alas, I was being downright lazy. Maybe finish it this afternoon. Yes, self-depreciating humour. Yes, an unintended reference to a film I've only ever seen the Simpsons version of. Yes, what Trixie said is probably true. Yes, as always GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 10: Translation error. Try again later.

Chapter 10: Translation error. Please try again later.

Trixie placed the unconscious bodies beneath the shadow of a building, and checked how much time she had left. The one with a haemorrhage was going to be awake soon. She couldn’t move quickly and quietly enough to get all of them to her destination in time, so she opted for taking anonymous Pegasus #3 and leaving the rest in a magical perception field, so they remained undiscovered. She decided, for time’s sake, to carry the stallion fire-pony style, and if anyone asked, she was taking him to the hospital to recover.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rainbow Dash sped through the sky, supposing they must have gotten lost on the way to sugar cube corner. There was no evidence of them being there, and no sign of Pinkie. Maybe she has a sense for new ponies in town, Dash thought, as she scanned the streets below. Suddenly she spotted a creature she’d never seen before, neither as an individual nor a species, being accompanied by a chestnut Earth pony and gold-clad unicorn. It was standing on its hind legs, and moving at the same speed as the ponies trotting alongside it. She would have mistaken it for a Diamond dog, but it had no tail and nothing could possibly be that ugly. She decided it must be some kind of ape which some pony shaved and put in a suit for laughs.

Making the connection between the unicorn below and her missing pegasi, Rainbow Dash flew down to greet them. George, who hadn’t really been watching where he was going in order to get lost quickly, was the first to see the blue shape gliding towards them, and alerted his companions in horse code, which was exactly the same as Earth’s Morse code.

“.... . -.-- --. ..- -.-- ... --..-- .-- .... .- - .----. ... - .... .- - ..--..” He asked, squinting to see the figure silhouetted against the moon. “.. -.-. .- -. .----. - --.- ..- .. - . -- .- -.- . .. - --- ..- - --..-- “

“Stop talking like that. Ever since you learned it you’ve been speaking in Horse code for any situation in which haste is preferable in response.” Scolded the Doctor, calculating a translation as he did so, then looking up and continuing “And to answer your question,–“

“It appears to be an adult female Pegasus. But that might be because I’m more experienced at seeing familiar shapes in unfamiliar territory. I feel old now,” Said Golden Shield, cutting him off as he knew horse code fluently and could decode it faster than the doctor. Continuing he said “Well, I decoded a language faster than the doctor. I suppose I consider that an achievement. My life is now complete,”

George shuddered, before saying “-.-- --- ..- -.- -. --- .-- --..-- -.-- --- ..- .-. . -- .. -. -.. -- . --- ..-. .- --. ..- -.-- .. -.- -. . .-- -... .- -.-. -.- .... --- -- . .-.-.- .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... ... .- -.-- ... ... - ..- ..-. ..-. .-.. .. -.- . .-..-. .. -.-. --- -. ... .. -.. . .-. - .... .- - .- -. .- -.-. .... .. . ...- . -- . -. - .-..-. .- -. -.. .-..-. -- -.-- .-.. .. ..-. . .. ... -. --- .-- -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. . - . .-..-. .-.-.- .. .-- --- -. -.. . .-. .-- .... . -. .. .----. .-.. .-.. -... . .- -... .-.. . - --- ... . . .... .. -- .- --. .- .. -. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-“ seeing the glare from the doctor while it could be seen behind his eyes his mind worked furiously, he sheepishly added “Well, I can see our friend clearly now. Let’s say hello to her,”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, then,” Golden Shield replied, leading the way “Ho! What be your bidding, lass?” He greeted in what he thought was the local dialect.

“Huh? I came down here to see if you guys know a Stallion named ‘Featherback’. Heard of him?” Said Rainbow Dash, assuming that what she heard as an insult was some weird army word.

“Heard of im’? Aye lass, we be knowin’ a bilge rat by that name,” Replied Constantine, assuming that Golden Shield was making a joke, and if he weren’t something to be used as a joke at his expense. “We’ve been sailin’ aimlessly round ‘ere to find the lad,”

“Uhhh…Does that mean you haven’t seen him either? I honestly have no clue what you’re saying,”

Grinning sheepishly, Golden Shield continued “Err, sorry. Just thought shire folk talked like that, and Constantine was making fun of my mistake. No, we came here looking for him when we didn’t receive word from him. Why do you want him?”

Now it was Rainbow’s turn to grin sheepishly “Well, he kinda asked me to do a couple of things for him, and I sorta forgot when I had to stop for one, so I came back to try and find him,” She looked thoughtful for a moment, trying to remember if there had been anything else, before concluding “I think one of them was out cold, so I figured they’d probably go to sugar cube corner, but when I went there, there was no sign,”

“Take me there. They were probably taken captive by enemies of the Republic, and ones with magic no less. I’ll see if I can detect where any was used,” ordered Golden Shield. Seeing and recognising the look of confusion on Rainbow Dash’s face, he explained “Whenever a unicorn uses magic, it leaves a trace. Very simple spells like, for example, levitating a pebble,” He stopped to demonstrate “Leave a weak trace for a short time, maybe an hour for a sensitive horn and a roughly head sized rock. Our friends happen to be quite a bit larger than pebbles, and a simple levitation spell would never hold them. There should be traces detectable to foals for the next week, at least. Furthermore, different unicorns leave a different feeling trace, so I’ll be able to tell you when I find the pony that did it.”

“Right, so what you’re saying is that we could find out who kidnapped them?” Said George, seemingly sticking to common Equestrian for now “Good work, товарищи,” Golden Shield rolled his eyes and they made for the cake shop together, Dash leading the way. Behind them passed a shadow, swooping erratically from house to house unnoticed.

Товарищи(Tovarishchi) = Comrade
Horse code

(Authors notes) Well, I've learned so I'll write these on the morrow. Probably. [next morning]. But I haven't even started on chapter 11, so I'll have to do that some other time. Nothing else to say but fave, rate, comment, subscribe (watch[the little eye button]), and as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 11: Secret Base Fun

Chapter 11: The Secret Base

Trixie entered the door and collapsed under her load. She levitated the unconscious Pegasus off her back and laid him beside her. She reached out telepathically sent her comrade a message.

‘I’m on the ground floor. I need help. I have a prisoner.’ Even a unicorn as powerful as herself would find magic a labour after carrying a sleeping soldier, armour and all, half way across town to base. They decided to make their secret base in a fairly obvious and public place, so as not to arouse suspicion. It was the tallest building for several blocks with a pre-installed basement, but the base itself was below even this.

Suddenly she heard trotting coming towards her, and she thought it sounded almost…Excited? She opened her eyes and saw her comrade approaching, horn aglow carrying a stretcher. She lifted her head and tried to speak “Hey…partner. I need a drink.” She paused as a bottle was levitated over to her, and noticed her partner in crime had put down the stretcher and was checking their prisoner for injuries. Trixie noticed all of this was being done from the shadows, like they were hiding.

Swallowing, she continued “He was injured and asleep before I got there. There are more prisoners I left behind. I’ll go and get them as soon as this one is secured.”

The shadow nodded and proceeded to lift Anonymous Pegasus #3 onto the stretcher, before lifting the stretcher itself and carrying it downstairs. Trixie then climbed to her hooves and followed her companion, carrying the water bottle with her.

They descended the stairs, stretcher in tow, before arriving at the basement. It was a fairly plain room, books and boxes stacked here and there, with a few pro-Nightmare Moon posters decorating the walls. It was one of these posters that concealed the entrance to the base. If one were to simply tear it away, the spells used to conceal the entrance would immediately seal the hole in the wall, preventing entry to anything but a unicorn that knew where to look. The pony in the lead sent a pulsing beam from their horn to the poster, but despite its brightness did nothing to reveal their features. The beam spread across the surface of the poster, and it looked like it was now a rippling pool with the colours now slightly fused and blurred, its opacity cut in half. Trixie gave a shallow bow and went through, followed shortly by the stretcher. The leader looked from side to side and quickly followed, the portal disappearing behind them.

Trixie counted 413 steps that they descended before reaching the room. The lights suddenly came to life, showing everything the room contained. On the right side there was what appeared to be an armoury, with various weapons designed for a variety of situations and ponies, and several whose purpose could only be guessed. On the wall opposite the entrance, there could be seen the bars of several empty cages, in the form of a small prison. To the left, there was a table, a small refrigerator, several types of chairs (only a few of which had chains), what looked to all appearances to be a medieval torture device, and the door to the rest of the complex sealed with a magical lock. It also showed the leader of the group, a lavender mare with a purple mane, complete with pink highlight. It was only now that she spoke;

“Quickly Trixie, make our guest secure. He will be awake in less than five minutes,” she ordered, making her way to the armoury. She sensed that there was something wrong, and didn’t know how or what it was. After only a few seconds of searching, she saw the problem: In the midst of one of the sword shelves, there was a gap. She spoke again “Trixie, did you take a sword with you? Because I appear to be missing one, scabbard and all,”

“Trixie needs no armament, bar her magic! Though surely you would know that, Twilight Sparkle,” she responded indignantly. She set about removing his armour, piece by piece, and laid him upon the medieval-torture-table, securing him in place. Continuing, she said “Perhaps your assistant took it for cleaning, or sharpening? Had you considered that?”

“No, I had Spike run an errand over at the boutique. Rarity pays him in gems, you know.” She busied herself with levitating some of her favourite swords, inspecting them closely from pommel to tip, and practising her form. She had time for footwork later. “You said there were others, yes? Go and get them, I’ll keep him company.” She said, gesturing to the prisoner with a claymore. “And make sure none of them are damaged like this one, please?” She smiled as she heard Trixie huff and head out the door.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The two ponies and one human waited while the gold-clad unicorn searched for traces of leftover magical energy. He trotted back and forth, looking confused one second, then excited the next and muttering occasionally. Finally he stopped, and his horn went out. All three of those waiting looked up expectantly.

“Well, magic was definitely used here. Anypony else would have assumed multiple unicorns because of the time signatures being so close together, but I was careful and saw the truth: Several spells, combined and cast simultaneously by one pony,” Golden Shield bristled with pride, awaiting praise. What he got instead, he did not expect.

“Great work cap, now find them.” Said George with an air of one pointing out a mistake made by his peer.

Golden Shield was unaffected by this comment, saying “Well, luckily for you, I can. They, along with a cupcake from that tray, left a very faint trail leading away from here. And before you point out that a cupcake, by measure of my earlier statement, would leave no such trail, after all the magic they’d already performed, well…Think of it like the smell of sweat after you’ve run a marathon,” He got nothing but a disgusted look at this, and was interrupted by the Doctor

“So what you’re saying is that it is like a cannon barrel, and is still hot and smoking, passing the heat into all it touches…Well, if one of our mysterious enemies can do this, and we know not their number, then we need weapons. Constantine, miss Dash? That’s what you need to do,” Rainbow nodded and George raised a hand. Knowing this gesture well, he answered what the questions would surely be. “Yes, you can have a sword and a gun. Rainbow Dash, you will get Golden Shield his rifle, a pistol and ammo for yourself and carry Constantine to the camp. Golden Shield and I shall make our way ahead, he’ll send up a flare when we’ve arrived. I won’t need a weapon. Now let’s move!” Inside, George was excited and apprehensive of riding a four-foot Pegasus. But if they could lug that armour around all day, what was he?

The answer: in for one wild ride.

(Authors notes) Well, I now know why not to use ficticious events to explain universal disturbances and disappearing friends. From now on pretty much everything is direct from Georges lips to my ears to my computer to FiMFiction.net. Be warned, chaper length is going to increase next chapter onwards, and as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 12: Dog Fight

Chapter 12: Dog Fight

The wind roared in Constantine’s ears, his hair flapping about behind him, reminiscent of the multihued mane of the mare he sat astride. They were moving faster than George would have liked, but with a name like Dash, she was clearly built for speed. They flew slower than Rainbow Dash would have liked, but she guessed that by his lack of wings and undisguised glee at getting to ride her, he didn’t have much previous experience so she didn’t want him falling off. Also having Constantine as a passenger was far more taxing than either of them would like to admit.

“So where are we headed?” Rainbow called over the roar of the wind. “I can get us there safe, easy. I just have no clue where we need to go.” The camp by the golf course became visible, a random assortment of around twenty tents, serving as quarters for the workers and visitors at the course.

“There! I can’t see too well when I need to squint, but that looks like it,” He called back, pointing to the camp while using his other hand to grip his wrist. “Take us down slowly, nothing too fancy please.” They began their descent, Rainbow banking left ever so slightly, gradually making a wide arc around and down, slowly but surely making her way down to the waiting AA gun.

“Wait, WHAT?!” Yelled Dash suddenly, as they had fire opened upon them. “Evasive action! Hold on, monkey boy!” She then banked hard right and dove, making George wrap his legs more tightly around her, slipping past the first shot as it blazed far too close to her hoof-tips, exploding above them.

“DO A BARREL ROLL!” Wailed George as another shot thudded behind him. “Tell them we mean no harm!” On the ground, units were mobilised to man searchlights.

“Get those guys ready! This one’s carryin’ somethin’ big!” barked Anonymous unicorn #3 to some unicorns arming pegasi for aerial combat, “And we don’t want any feed issues, like last time. If you can get a good look at what it is, permission to re-evaluate my judgement is granted. Until then, shoot to kill.” He finished as one last ball of lead and burning magnesium was sent into the sky.

From above the shapes of three pegasi running along a strip of painted grass and taking off could be seen. Rainbow didn’t see this but thankfully slowed down and levelled out now the shooting had stopped.

“We’re not outta the woods yet. Looks like we’re gonna have company,” said George as calmly as he could, pointing at the runway. “Please tell me you have a gun.”

“Well, I don’t have a gun, but I do have a way I could stun them. But you aren’t gonna like it.” She turned her head towards him, and she grinned in a way that made him feel she would be safer in a strait jacket and a padded room. He was hesitant for a moment, but when a burst of tracers split the air above his head, he nodded vigorously. Rainbow took a leaf out of Pinkie’s book, and her smile grew wider still.

Suddenly she rolled and he fell, screaming, down, down, down-landing on the back of a heavily armed and golden plated Pegasus, who, turning around, mirrored his look of total shock. Suddenly he dove, in order to take him to safety. Unfortunately, he miscalculated how much room he would need to make a smooth landing.

He felt the weight on his back triple as he tried desperately to pull out, hooves flailing to gain purchase on the runway. He almost succeeded in stopping, right before he collided with a tent load of hay bales.
“Not my smoothest landing ever, but oh well. Are you alright, Constantine?” He said, pulling himself and his machineguns from the hay.

“I’ve…Been better,” He said in a slightly higher than normal voice as he stumbled from a different pile, clutching his head and between his legs.

“The hay did you do that for, soldier!” Berated an obviously irritated officer. His armour had a silver inlay, meaning he could pretty much boss around whoever he liked, bringing questions to mind when he didn’t boss around Constantine, who walked over and threw up between them “Err…Can I…Help you?”

“Water,” he croaked, before dropping again, getting a disgusted look from Anonymous Pegasus #1 as he moved his fore-hoof out of the way. “Next time I ride in on a rainbow and blue pony, please don’t shoot at me,” While this had all happened, Dash had been swooping past their ordnance, making sure her friend had reached the ground safely.

Content that this objective had been achieved, she turned to her pursuers, flashed them a smile and a wink, and made a beeline for the clouds. The pegasi were astounded at her actions, and for a moment almost fell straight out of the sky; before shaking their heads clear and flapped with all their might. Rainbow Dash continued rocketing upwards, heedless of the pain in wing muscles. Suddenly she stopped and hovered, pivoting in place until she faced the military pegasi. They stopped dead in their tracks as they saw the manic gleam in her rose coloured eyes and malevolent smile, teeth glinting in the moonlight. Then at length she spoke to them.

“Think you’re fast enough to keep up with me, huh? Well, that isn’t really the real challenge here. Let’s see if you’re fast enough to get away,” Speaking audibly is difficult in the thin air high above the ground. As a matter of fact, even breathing is difficult in the air high above the ground. But these stallions heard her, alright; and after a single look at each other, they made a decision: Flee. They halted their wings and freefell to a good orientation before suddenly spreading them wide to steer with. Rainbow’s grin widened before she followed them, wings flapping wildly, maniacal laughter following her.

The fleeing stallions heard this laughter, and looked behind them, to see the very pony they were trying to escape was almost upon them, water vapour condensing around the front of her hooves as she rushed down to meet them. Their eyes widened in terror and their attention snapped back to the front as they redoubled their efforts, flapping wildly. Tears sprang to her eyes as a Mach cone formed in front of her, and she knew there was no turning back. The stallions saw that she was still gaining on them and felt their hearts gripped by ice.

Suddenly Rainbow felt the sound barrier and light spectrum beginning to merge and give as she continued dropping. By no small measure of luck, she shattered both of them at precisely the same moment as she reached the terrified soldiers. Every pony on the ground stood blinking in the brilliance, and unicorns for miles around felt an intense headache simultaneously, as this event was tied to a great event of magical significance, so great even some of the nearby non-horned species felt the disturbance. One such creature was George, but he chalked it up to being in a crash landing.

Dash decided to decelerate to avoid a disaster, and seized the stunned stallions by the saddles.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay, dude seriously, that’s enough alliteration already,” said George many weeks later, glaring at me. “I’d like to finish telling you how I got back home, and we still got a ways to go yet.”

“Fine, but you have to admit it was clever,” I replied with a grin.

“…Jay, are you putting this in there?”

“…Mayyyyybe…” I said cheekily. Knowing the ‘I’m going to kill you’ look quite well, I continued “I should get back to transcribing, huh?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

She carried them as if it were nothing, and pulled out of her dive easily, dropping a pair of bodies in a water hazard (they were pulled out immediately) finishing at the end of the runway at a trot. She walked over to a gaping human with a smug grin on her face. There was only one thing he wanted to ask her at this time.

“If I were a pony, would you go out with me?” He asked, still in awe of that manoeuvre.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“What? That’s not what I said!” He said accusingly. “Fix it immediately!”

“I doubt you really did ask if that was her original plan. And besides, it’s better this way!” I replied defensively. “Come on, all the females will be seeking you!” (My exact words)

“You know I would never say that.” He said. “And besides, this isn’t that kind of story! I don’t care if you have something planned for Trixie and the guards, but I can truthfully say I had no intimate relationships in Equestria.”

I decided against replying with ‘And nor have you since’ or ‘You got that right’, and instead opted for “But you WERE thinking it.” I won’t lie. He blushed, and I knew what he was REALLY thinking. “OOOHHHHH! I see how it is. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me…And the internet” I smiled deviously.

“Jay don’t you DARE! Ask the IRC guys for pre-reading and I bet everyone will tell you to remove these bits.” I took that message to heart, and may add the IRC conversation at the end. Unless I forget.

“Before we continue, just one thing?” You’ll never guess what it is.

“Somehow I doubt you will be able to keep this as ‘teen’ if I do, but okay, what?” He didn’t guess it.

“Tell me where you think music should be appropriate and what song should play” George then face-palmed.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Yeah, totally. Well, timing was just a happy mistake but hey, it all turned out alright.” She replied, still breathing heavily from the exercise. However, had George asked if she would go out with him had he been a pony, she would have responded by saying something along the lines of ‘You aren’t really my type’
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Stop that. Thanks to you smegging about like a quarter of this chapter is dialogue between us.” Said George angrily. “Count how many words so far, okay, now tell me that isn’t stupid.”

“…311 so far…”

“Okay, well there’s a bit where music would be effective coming up, and when it happened I couldn’t help but think of the 1812 overture.”

“Does it suit the part?”

“No, but I’ll try to find some music that does.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Trixie dashed through the streets, knowing that that blast of magical energy she had felt surely meant something. She ran straight back to where she left her prisoners and lowered the perception field. She was startled, to say the least, to discover two stallions looking back at her. So startled, she barely managed to deflect the Unicorn general’s blast of magic, and had no time to think of disarming the chestnut earth pony, before his device made a buzzing sound and disabled her magic.

“Well, that was easy, now wasn’t it doctor,” Said the unicorn, smiling. “Shame I can’t just bring her in, because one of these ponies is missing. Be a dear and take us to him, will you? Oh, and bring this lot along as well. Don’t want to…Leave anyone behind, now do we? Come along, you lead the way,”

“Excellent work, Golden Shield. You’ll remember to send up that flare, won’t you?” said the doctor, beaming just the same as his companion. They set off at a trot, a weak and powerless Trixie followed by the doctor, pointing his device at Trixie, several hovering unconscious ponies, and Golden Shield brought up the rear, levitating them.

‘Twilight, if you are receiving this I haven’t the strength to fight these ponies off. I need you to be ready for a fight. They will probably bring reinforcements. Call the others.’ This was all Trixie could transmit, it seemed, and Twilight heard it loud and clear. As did anyone else in the base, as telepathic signals were transmitted over the loudspeaker system.

“So sorry to leave you alone, but I need to make a call and get set up.” She said to the bewildered pony in shackles. “Don’t fret, your friends will be joining you soon…If they survive.” She grinned evilly and went to the communications centre in the base. She took a sword with her, just in case.

(Authors notes) Early chapter, because I can't internet tommorrow. Also can't English right now. Last one handed chapter, and as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 13: The Board is Set

Chapter 13: The Board is Set

Rarity was in the basement of her boutique, trying to make tactical clothing that still looked nice. She had tried dyeing Kevlar and shaping it like a dress, but they were uncomfortable, didn’t quite flow right, and stuck out like a pine tree in a shrubbery. So it was that she decided to make skin-tight body armour made from overlapping plates of Kevlar, with a soft lining underneath and a very convincing layer of fabric made and coloured to emulate the wearer’s coat, cutie mark and all.

It really didn’t help that she had a nagging feeling at the base of her horn that fate itself had decided to try and stop her from working. Suddenly, there came a new sensation in her skull. A tone then played as her horn vibrated loudly.

“Oh, I have a new message,” Said Rarity, crossing her eyes to look at her horn. “Hmm, feels like Twilight’s magical radiation signature. I wonder what it is…” Before she could check however, a small purple dragon with numerous green ridges down its back entered the room, carrying a recently heated crucible of an unknown material.

“Which mould would you like me to pour this into, Rarity?” Spike asked, walking over to where they stood. “Any royal armour orders, or do you feel like trying your hoof at weapons again?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes, just more plates thankyou Spike,” She said, as her horn began to glow “What? ‘Come to the library, bring your sword.’? What in Celestia’s good name does that mean?” She said, frowning at the cryptic message, before seeing there was more. She repeated it aloud so spike could hear, “It says ‘This is a call to arms for the last remnants of Celestial citizenry. Come immediately to the books and branches Ponyville public library with whatever armament you can muster. It is likely we go to our death, the last rays of the sun. Praise Celestia! Love from, Twilight sparkle. *Kiss*’…Well Spike, time to test my body armour in the field. I think you should also wear yours, if I need to be bringing weapons and armour, and with all of us being mustered…Well, to not go to battle is a moot point. Come along, we haven’t much time, for ‘the prey does not wait for the ambush to be set’*”

“Sweet! Remember how when you gave up on that sword you gave it to me? Well, I tried my claws at it and, well, the evidence speaks for itself,” He went over to a cabinet, and from behind it he pulled a beautiful piece of metalwork. The blade was four feet in length, covered in draconic shapes; with a vein of gold along the centre, emblazoned with runes fashioned after the language of the dragons. It gave off a pale golden glow from within itself, as if it were reflecting a soft light shone upon it. The hilt of it was carved ornately, in the form of a pair of dragons facing outwards, with startling detail and chips of jade for eyes. The handle had a serpentine dragon, curling around it with shards of rubies upon its back. It ended with a draconic head, a sizeable diamond clutched in its mouth. It was truly a work of art, if nothing else.

“Spike…Surely that isn’t…Is that the same lump of metal I gave you to discard?” Rarity’s eyes went wide with wonder at this glorious blade, and she then realised the implications of the blade’s creation. “Spike, you forged this in your flames. A dragon’s fire has incredible magical power, which it can impart upon weapons and armour that survive its flames.”

Spikes eyes widened as he realised what this meant, and he saw the blade in light anew. “I’ll, uh, be right back!” He said, placing the sword in a bejewelled scabbard, which Rarity had not seen while marvelling at the sword. He laid it carefully at her feet and ran back up the stairs. He returned a few minutes later carrying a small chest, full of weapons Rarity had told him to discard. He opened it, revealing a veritable treasure-trove of knives, swords, axes, shields, armour and helmets.

“Spike! How did you find the time?” Rarity asked, mouth agape. Spike’s answer was succinct.

“I’m allowed to have a hobby,” he said, shrugging.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Applejack was in the fields bucking trees, while her brother Big Macintosh was hard at work ploughing Earth. The trees had grown faster since the coming of Nightmare Moon, as the moons were changed to release similar types and amounts of radiation so that plants didn’t die. But as far as this family could see, that was the only good thing about her rule. So it was only natural that they received a magical signal whenever a certain unicorn needed help or supplies.

They felt a strange calmness overcome them as the signal intertwined itself with their Earth pony magic to form words from grass that was not previously there. The grass finished growing and the two ponies, after sharing a quick glance, stepped back to view this message. It read: ‘This is a call to arms for the last remnants of Celestial citizenry. Come immediately to the books and branches Ponyville public library with whatever armament you can muster. It is likely we go to our death, the last rays of the sun. Praise Celestia! Love from, Twilight sparkle. *Kiss*’

“Y’all readin’ this the same, Big Macintosh? Ah think it’s time we broke out the ol’ battle saddles,” She said, channelling her magic to add and remove some lines and curves of grass, making it look like a random patch of weird grass, where a young Earth pony was practicing Earth magic. She then galloped off as her brother did the same.

“Eeyup,” was the only response Big Macintosh gave, as he followed her up to the barn.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Twilight barrelled from the communications room, sword in tow. She paused at the door to catch her breath before lowering her head and using her magic to open it. She trotted calmly across the room before stopping and changing her mind. She took a water bottle from the fridge, and took a bendy straw from a compartment in the floor. She got a glass out of the cabinet and poured a drink. She placed it next to the captive stallion’s head, with the straw within reach of his muzzle.

“Here you are, Anonymous Pegasus #3. Have a drink of water while I prevent your friends from resisting capture,” She smiled at him and trotted away from the table, sword levitating behind. Deciding she would need a little more than that, she went to the armoury and selected a Thomson sub-machine gun, with three additional drum magazines of ammunition. She trotted to the stairs, and was gone from sight.

The stallion in shackles was thirsty. Very thirsty. But he couldn’t trust this mare, not if she was taking firearms to an ambush intended to capture enemies. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore and moved his lips to the drink.

He was quite understandably upset when a creature strangely resembling Constantine rolled from beneath a table, stood up and took it from him. He ignored the straw and downed it in one, giving a satisfied sigh as he put the glass back down.

“Ahhh…I needed that,” he said as his vision and mind cleared, looking at the tied up Pegasus for the first time. “S***. Jay f***ing did this, didn’t he,” he said, groaning as he lifted his hands to his face, checking to make sure they weren’t hooves. He had heard all the previous conversation, and seen colourful blurs moving about. He had somehow been able to see that the armoury area was completely full of weapons, and found himself drawn to the swords. He didn’t have much time to look at them before he heard footsteps, so he grabbed a scimitar and dived under a table to hide.

“Say, are you friends with a human called ‘George Arthur Constantine’ by any chance? It’s just that I’ve heard him talk about his home and his friends sometimes, and the name ‘Jay’ was familiar,” Asked the stallion, ignoring for the moment his stolen drink and taking the newcomer in.

He was dressed simply, just a black t-shirt, a jacket, a pair of pants and some slightly worn running shoes. He had blue eyes, dark blonde hair and slight stubble on his chin. He had slung the sword’s strap across his chest, with the handle appearing above his right shoulder. He stood at about 5.75 feet tall and had a seriously peeved expression on his face.

“So who are you supposed to be?” He asked bluntly. Evidently he thought this to be merely one his friend’s more successful attempts at making him more tolerant towards ponies.

“I’m anonymous Pegasus #3, and I have no clue who you are. Anyway, I’d really appreciate it if you helped me out here. They’re planning an ambush and I have to stop them,” he said, staring pleadingly at the fridge.

“Well, if George is here, then that explains why he disappeared a little over a year back. I’m Sam, by the way,” He said while releasing the sore horse from the bench. “Did George ever mention me?” He asked, turning his attention to the fridge.

“Well, as a matter of fact, yes. But, well…We’ll just not worry about what he said right now. Mostly because I don’t know if he spoke of you for good or ill. I believe he called you a ‘top bloke’,” He said, joining Sam at the fridge. “Hey, can you please pass me that bottle of cider? I always like a little something stronger than water before a fight,” The liquid was poured into the glass and the straw put back in. Sam opted instead to drink the water straight from the bottle.

“No worries about what he said, man. It’s all good,” he said, replacing the cap before putting the water away. He refilled Anonymous Pegasus #3’s glass and took a sniff of it before putting it away. He grimaced, and then took his sword out for closer inspection.

“Hey, uh, Sam? Can you please help me put my armour back on? And while we’re at it, why not grab me a gun,” he said, as Sam nodded approvingly and sheathed his scimitar.

“Yep, sure. A friend of George is a friend of mine,” he said, walking over and picking up the piece of metal built for the torso and midsection. “So it just goes ‘round your chest, right? Soz, but I don’t know anything about My Little Pony. You know, aside from what I heard Jay say about it before I forbade him from doing so. All I know are the names of a couple of main characters, to tell the truth,” He said, strapping it firmly to his withers.

“Now this layer-y one goes down my neck and connects to it, and the other end attaches to my helmet. Then that one there connects to my midsection armour and protects my haunches,” He instructed, standing like a mannequin to make it easier. When they were done, he spoke again. “Right, now let’s get me some firepower,” he said, walking over to a pair of modified Bren guns.

“Right, so I just hook this into a saddle and drop it on you?” He asked, suspicious of the simplicity.

“Yeah, just make sure I got ammo and don’t have feed issues, okay? I hate to have a fiasco like last time…”He trailed off, leaving Sam wondering what happened. He drew the sword that came with the uniform, giving a few practice swings. Finally he put it away, and turned back to Sam, smiling. “Let’s fight some ultra-powerful unicorns!” He cried, charging up the stairs. Sam shook his head, grabbed a grease gun and followed.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hmm…Well, if Goldie is having an M1 carbine, RD’s grabbing an mg34, and I‘m grabbing a knife, a luger and a pair if 1911s as backup…I guess I’ll take these two PPSHs. My mate Jay was a WW2 buff, and was always talking about how in this game he played they were the best SMG you could get in terms of ammo. Give me a couple extra drums too.” He looked down the sights, and as he had ten drums of ammo, he decided he could afford to practice a little. After emptying a drum from each one, he slung them on his back, got a sword belt on, checked his pistols to make sure he had some more ammo prepared for them, and climbed onto Rainbow’s back, drums in his modified saddlebag. “Let’s play a little chess, shall we? White has already made the first move, so it’s time for Black to counter it. Auto-bots, let’s ROLL OUT!” He cried, squeezing his legs to signal it was time to fly. Rainbow Dash grinned and took off, awaiting the signal flare from Golden Shield. She had her gun and was itching to use it; all she needed was a situation and a target.

*This was probably not said. It is one of my philosophy attacks which I thought suited the situation.

(Authors notes) Well, at first I used what George knew to write the bits with Sam, but on Monday got him to verify information and events. So there is less swearing than I would have thought. He claims he didn't use all of those Australianisms, but people might freak out if he randomly breaks out into 95% Australianisms later on when talking to George. The reason for the WW2 weapons is because they currently lack the technology for modern firearms, and they are the only designs they could find from Earth. Any further questions, leave 'em in the comments, until next time, GOODBYE, PEOPLES!

Part 14: And so Fourth Move the Pawns

Chapter 14: And so Fourth Move the Pawns

The message sent by Twilight Sparkle went to several other ponies, which George and Sam never discovered the names of. Nevertheless, they all arrived at the library at around the same time as Applejack, Rarity, Big Macintosh and Spike. Even with upwards of 12 armed ponies, Twilight still felt uneasy. She conveyed her thoughts to Spike, looking like a creature from legend in the armour he had forged.

“We don’t have enough. They probably called for reinforcements, and with such a high profile captive, they’ll almost certainly send in a big rescue team. Spike, do you have any ideas?” she asked, becoming frantic in her demeanour.

“Well, do you have a spell to multiply yourself or somepony else? If numbers is your only concern, that should be more than enough, even if they are just decoys,” Spike suggested. He had often read through a couple of books while cleaning up, just skimming, and occasionally read about a potentially useful spell. In these kinds of situations he liked to see how many of her books Twilight actually read. If only he could find a hydra…

“I can’t think of any, Spike. If there is one, I haven’t read about it,” she said, bowing her head and closing her eyes, as if in defeat. Suddenly she looked up, almost impaling Spike with her horn as her eyes shone with a sudden fool’s hope. “Spike. I can’t make more of the ponies here, but I do know a spell to summon warriors. If I could just remember where I put that book…”

“This one?” Spike called from the ladder, holding out a blue hardback volume. He had read it before too.

“Yes, Spike! How did you find it?” She asked, almost pulling him to the ground in her eagerness to read it.

“I’m your filing system, remember?” He asked sarcastically. “Also, you could have just looked under ‘B’. Right between Battles of Equestria: A brief history and Be Great: The Auto Biography of The Great and Powerful Trixie. I don’t know why we even have that, I mean, we have the real thing here anyway.”

“Excuse me Twilight, we, by which I mean myself and everypony here, were just wondering; Why is it likely we go to our death? Surely you didn’t try to kill Nightmare Moon. We may be all be apt fighters, but we are still only a small group. We can’t take on an entire squad, much less an entire army! Please tell me that we have enough ponies to survive and maintain our current lifestyle!” Rarity pleaded, making Twilight momentarily forget about trying to pull Spike off the shelf.

“Oh, don’t worry Rarity. I know a spell that is certain to even the odds,” she said with a smile, as Spike reached the ground and walked over, book in his claws. He reached the pair of Unicorns and Twilight took the book from him and began to read it.

“So Twilight…Exactly how is it going to even the odds?” Rarity asked, leaning over to her friend.

“Oh, just you wait and see Rarity. I don’t think we’ll need to be in the firing line after all.” She responded with a grin as her horn began to glow. She closed the book and tossed it aside as the glow brightened.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Argh, all this way to be thwarted by a door!?” Said Anonymous Pegasus #3 angrily. “Please tell me you know magic or something, because I don’t think blowing on it will do much.”

“Well, I don’t know anything about magic,” replied Sam evenly. “But the rules are different here. Can you see those lines moving about on the poster?”

“What lines? Maybe you have your own magic which has bonded with the unicorn magic in this place. I mean, I can practically feel it, and I’m a Pegasus!”

“Well, if the rules are different here, I have an excuse for breaking ‘em,” He said as he rubbed his hands together, electricity seeming to spark as he rubbed. He saw nothing, as he was focussed entirely on the poster in front of him. “You might wanna step back a few. I’ve never done this before so I could be using the wrong spell.”

“Maybe you should–” Suddenly the hole was opened from the other side by magic bearing a light blue hue. Sam believed he was seeing things and that this meant his spell was ready and sent it through. A mint green unicorn with a cream-coloured mane and tail looked at Sam first in surprise, then suddenly her eyes lit up in excitement and her muzzle cracked open in a smile. A ball of reddish light came from Sam and hit Lyra square in the nose.

“Oof!” She cried, as she flew backwards across the basement, becoming buried under the piles of books and boxes that toppled when she hit. The ponies in the room gasped and looked from Lyra, to the poster, to Lyra, to two figures standing outside of the poster.

“Who, and more importantly what, are you?” Asked Carrot Top, stepping forward.

“Normally I’m Sam, your average Aussie kid,” He easily replied. His lips then bent into a smile. “But today, I’m above average.” His left hand began to crackle with electricity as he formed another spell, aiming the grease gun with his right. He was going to have a lot of fun with this.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Alright, Trixie, this has gone on long enough. I have no authority over any of these ponies. When they wake up, they can deal with you as they choose.” Stated Golden Shield as he got annoyed at her pretending to forget the way for the seventeenth time.

“That general can deal with Trixie as he chooses…” She said, eyes rotating skyward “I m-mean, um…Please don’t tell him I said that.” Golden Shield and the Doctor both had very concerned looks on their faces.

Shaking his head clear of indecent thoughts, The Doctor decided to get her to talk. “So why don’t you want to take us to your lair?” He asked. “Is it small? Do you think it might not measure up to our standards?” Trixie looked insulted. The Doctor continued on, spurred by this reaction. “Or is it untidy? Is ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’ unable to clean her own home? Come now, we’ve seen messes before, it can’t be all that bad,”

Trixie huffed and turned away. That method of interrogation clearly wasn’t going to work on her. Suddenly she got what she was waiting for. ‘Trixie, everything is in place. You can bring them here now.’ Trixie was a seasoned show mare, and so could quite easily pretend that their next flurry of insults was enough to make her snap and tell them the truth.

“If you’re biding your time for your power to return, don’t bother,” Said Golden Shield suddenly. “If you try anything, The Doctor will just sonic you again and Poof! no powers.”

“And if your first act is to disarm me, my colleague will quite happily defend me from your magic, at which point I will sonic you again. So as you can see, there is no way out but to take us to your base.” This was going better than Trixie could have hoped.

“If we must, so be it. But you shall come as Trixie’s guests, not her captors, and I shall offer you a drink,” she replied, turning around. They reluctantly agreed to her terms and set off, at a far brisker pace headed directly to the library.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Another spray of gunshots rent the smoky air below the tree. So far no serious injuries had happened, despite the soldier and the stranger being completely sure of their sighting on multiple occasions. Suddenly a cry went out.

All of the resistance ponies, whose numbers had appeared to be steadily growing, suddenly combined their efforts to make their aggressors duck long enough for all of them to escape. Sam quickly reloaded and ran up the stairs after them, yelling savagely. He reached the top to be disappointed, as the door was locked, and too strongly made to kick down, as his foot discovered the hard way.

“OUCH!” Sam yelled, clutching his toes and hopping in place, despite the obvious risk of further injury presented by a fall down the stairs. He studied the edges of the door. No visible hinges and all signs of a lock or handle had been removed from this side. “Typical. Something tells me she’s been in the prisoner keeping game for a while now,”

“C’mon Sam, don’t give up now! Can’t we just shoot a hole in it or magic our way out?” Encouraged his fellow escapee, Anonymous Pegasus #3. “Or maybe it’s time for somepony with harder hooves to try this,” He managed to plant his front hooves on the step, and reared himself up, ready to strike.

“HA!” Yelled Twilight, sending a low-powered concussive wave through the now open door, sending them both down a few steps, one of them on their face.

“Twilight Sparkle I presume?” Said Sam, slowly getting to his feet and trying to stealthily find his gun, “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in a quick sword duel, would you?”

“I have honestly got no clue who or what you are, or how you know my name. But I get the feeling that the squad coming above ground is just a distraction, and you were the real rescue attempt. Am I correct?”

Sam found the barrel and stopped searching, opting instead to extend that hand in a gesture of peace. “I’m Sam. I am a human, from Earth. I have no clue about any rescue or squad, or how I got here,” Twilight extended a hoof and they shook, Sam using her to pull himself up.

“Well, if you aren’t here to save him, there are still several unanswered questions,” Twilight said, beginning to wonder why the Pegasus hadn’t spoken. “So do you have any connections in Equestria?”

“I can take that question,” interrupted Anonymous Pegasus #3, “So far just me. No other specimens from his planet exist to our knowledge.” He nudged Sam in the ribs with one hoof to signal silence, never breaking eye contact with Twilight. Thankfully, she seemed not to notice, and changed her disposition towards them from ‘escaped prisoner’ to ‘guest’, and beckoned for them to enter the main room.

Several ponies were gathered around, some checking weapons, some engaged in idle chit-chat, and some eating and drinking refreshments offered by Spike. There were some that sat alone, reading books; about three appeared to be tending to Lyra: She was still unconscious. But there was also a large group of them, Sam didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed them before; they stood tall and silent, wearing hood and cloak, beneath which it was unknown and unknowable what they were wearing, or how they were armed. Their squared, creamy muzzles barely poked out from the white shrouds upon their faces. Sam couldn’t help but be reminded of the Black Riders in The Lord of the Rings. They made no move and spoke no words.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Trixie has led you to the base. Trixie should warn you, though: Two unarmed Stallions, burdened with so many unconscious ponies, will not be hard for Trixie’s friends to overcome,” she said, voice dripping in undisguised menace. “Trixie was wondering how you intended to siege Trixie’s base. Two Stallions would never succeed, even if they had weapons.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Said Golden Shield smugly, before summoning some power to his horn. It twisted around his horn, like golden smoke in a vortex, before suddenly beaming off into the night sky, exploding into a shining beacon just above the tops of the highest rooves. Only ten seconds later, a familiar blue pony came hurtling down from the sky, a much exited looking man on her back.

“Somepony order an M1 Carbine?” She said, as George got off and pulled it from her side. He tossed it to Golden Shield, who caught it in his telekinetic grip, before setting to work arming Rainbow’s saddle.

“Guys, I’m sorry…I should have told you this before but…” Golden Shield started, but George cut him off.

“Don’t worry mate. I always knew, inside, that I’d be going down here. I just never knew I’d be going down fighting. Still, if I’m a pawn, I want to help put the enemy into check.” He walked off and took up his guns, using a nearby cart as a rest, barrels pointed at the library. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll get their attention.” Suddenly Golden Shield laughed.

“George, as much as I admire your courage and self-sacrifice, I have a spell that’ll give us a few more,” he said as his horn began to glow. The glow then brightened and formed an arced beam, splitting in several distinct points and coming to rest at about fifty places on the ground before them. The light then began to form itself into fifty distinct ponies, hooded and cloaked, their squared, grey muzzles just protruding from beneath their black hoods. They were the pawns, and it was time for black to make their move.

“I still get to shoot at something though, right?” Asked George as he rotated his guns to point skywards, barrels just resting on his shoulders. Golden Shield sighed and sent a round into an upstairs window. George shrugged and went back to his cart, higher up now so he could aim above all these ghost ponies. They drew their swords and readied their shields, forming a phalanx. Clearly Golden Shield had some experience with this spell.

(Authors notes) Well, I had an entire weekend to work. The only distractions were those I created. This is all that I did. Well, that and completed the Russian campaign without failing...At the cost of two tank men and one Katyusha that is recommended but not vital to victory...I forgot if there was something important I was gonna say, so I'll assume there wasn't, so GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 15: Check

Chapter 15: Check
(I gotta stop using these chess-related names)

The library door swung open, and a white hoard rushed out to battle. The black and the white each sought out an opponent in the other army, and proved to be evenly matched. It became obvious that there were several types of ponies amongst these shades, and they were pitted against each other on the ground and in the air.

Suddenly, a tan-yellow pony bearing a Cowboy hat leapt from above and struck down a black Earth pawn. The stallion bucked him in the head hard enough to take a door off its hinges, and the head flew off, dissipating into a cloud of smoke as it flew. The body began to sway, before finally falling over in a cloud of black smoke.

“Who the buck is that?” Said George, still waiting for an imbalance in power to fire a shot at.

“Who is that?” Asked Sam, just a few feet back from an upstairs window, putting his sights over anything that looked like it was doing too much better. Applejack and Big Macintosh ran to his side, and watched as he began tearing into the whites as well.

“That there’s mah cousin Braeburn. If he twern’t mah cousin…Well, we’ll leave it at that,” Said Applejack, tilting her hat back with a hoof. “Make sure y’all don’t hurt one o’ tha family, else we’ll all come down on ya’,”

“Eeyup,” Confirmed Big Macintosh, shifting his saddle forwards slightly.

Featherback’s nose began twitching. Suddenly, he recognised the smells of battle and sat bolt upright, wings flared, eyes wide and searching for an enemy. A snore escaped Pinkie’s muzzle and he remembered everything up to the explosion, then blackness, a bit of bumping and prodding, then the smell of battle and he awoke.

“Get up, you lazy bones! There’s a fight and we’re missing it,” ordered Featherback, prodding Anonymous Pegasus #2 with a hoof. The unconscious Pegasus remained stubbornly asleep. “Oh well, I can fight on my own I guess,”

Golden Shield was putting an ever increasing part of his concentration into this battle, as he assumed his opposition was. He wasn’t putting in so much, however, that he failed to notice one of his comrades and a hostage was missing. He sighed and went back to the battle, wincing slightly whenever one of his pawns was struck down.

The heroes of both sides who had rushed into the fray didn’t fight each other, instead destroying any pawns they could get near. No bullets had been fired, yet, and Trixie had gotten a halberd from somewhere and was swinging it like a mad-mare, her face a picture of rage.

Suddenly a buzzing filled the air and all things held or created by magic fell to the ground. Any guns simply jammed, if anyone had tried to fire a shot they would then discover this. All eyes turned towards the doctor, standing atop a cart.

“Right, well, now we can all hear me talk. Who is the leader of the ponies in the library? We just want to talk,” Said the Doctor, lowering his screwdriver and taking charge. “I wouldn’t advise trying to stay there. I’ve disabled all firearms and magic in the immediate area, and we have more skill with swords. Come out now and we can talk,”

“Hey, Twilight Sparkle,” Said Sam, walking over to the exhausted unicorn. “This situation reminds me of a game back where I’m from. It’s called chess. I can’t remember what country invented it, India or China or something, but each of the pieces represents a part of an army. Most of the time, pawns are expendable. If you lose one, no big deal. But if all of them get taken out…Well, your knights and rooks and bishops can’t do much. If the other guy gets within range of attacking your king, it’s called ‘check’. If you don’t put something in the way, or move him out, you lose. Check-mate. The way I see it, you’ve taken a few of their pieces, and they’ve taken a few of yours. Can you see where I’m going with this?”

“I think so, and the answer is no,” she said with some difficulty. “I’m not going to risk a valuable prisoner over some self-obsessed showmare that speaks in the third pony. And how do I know it isn’t a trick? This isn’t some game from wherever you’re from,”

“Well, when I was looking through that window, I saw something. Something which is a bigger bargaining chip than you realise,” He said, not mentioning George. “I say you negotiate, leave me inside if you need to. Oh and I had some skill with a sword even before I got here,” He tried to use some magic, finding that it was also disabled. He frowned, then tossed his gun unceremoniously to the side.

“Alright…I’ll see if they’re willing to give our ponies back and leave us alone, in return for our hostages. They might be more willing than either of us realise,”

Meanwhile, on the battlefield, all the ponies that were engaged in the fight gathered around George and the Doctor. The generals stood off to the side.

“Well, we’re going to need to make an exchange in order for these negotiations to go well, or else it’ll be stalemate,” Said George, abandoning his sub-machineguns to see if his pistols would work. They felt right, so he decided to keep them in reserve for now. “What would they ask for in return?”

“Well, they’ll almost definitely want Trixie back, and I have no idea where this cowpony came from, so who knows about him,” Said the Doctor, walking around the circle of gathered ponies. “What else would they want? What do all anarchical secret societies want? To be left alone,”

“Trixie is probably our best bet for now, on both bargaining chips and finding out what they want. I say, we give them Trixie and we have our guy, and further terms can be established later,” said Golden Shield, pausing in his tending to the still unconscious ponies. “Our only hope is to agree on something now, and start our talks on a positive note.”

“If Ah might say somethin’,” interrupted Braeburn “Ah was in town tah see mah cousins, and they’ll know Ah was comin’. If there’s one thing y’all don’t want, it’s the apple family havin’ a reunion on you.”

“That sounded like a threat. Are you threatening me, appleflank?” said George, leaning towards him. George always had a hot temper, but when everything started going wrong, he was like a cyclone. “I might not be able to kick a phantom pony’s head off, but I do have a few moves you wouldn’t see coming. If you threaten me again, I’ll let you have a look,” his words would scare the crap out of most people and a fair number of ponies, but they had no visible effect on Braeburn.

“Ah ain’t exactly threatening ya, no. Ah’m just sayin’ that mah family don’t take too kindly to harm coming to each other,” He replied, pushing George back with a hoof. “And if ya don’t mind, Ah’ll be going back to the farm with mah cousins Applejack and Big Macintosh,”

“Alright you two, break it up,” Said Golden Shield, stepping in. “Look, we shouldn’t fight over what we want to happen until afterwards. There’s no guarantee it won’t,” they both seemed to calm down at this, and stood away from each other. “So, we’ll trade Trixie for Anonymous Pegasus #3, then see what we can organise for everypony else,” The doctor moved off, and began to watch as they threw different ideas around, some being supported, some overruled, and some were changed, gradually escalating to a cacophony of shouting, arguing voices. The doctor simply sat with a hoof on his chin, saying nothing and only watching.

“Why don’t we just go in there and fight!”

“Ah don’t think we can just sit here and argue. Why don’t we ask what they think?”

“I’m not going to make any trade unless I think it’s fair! If you can’t cope with a soldier telling you what to do, then don’t be a part of this!”

“Look, where I’m from, the value of the items didn’t matter, it’s all about how much they want it.”

“Oh, um, I think I’ve made a decision now…”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, now that’s bull,” said Sam, interrupting George’s recount. “You told me you can hardly hear Fluttershy talking, even without all the other noise, and I don’t think you would remember everything that got shouted.”

“Well I’m trying to fill in all the details. People won’t believe it happened if you leave the argument out,” He replied quite reasonably.

“Keep arguing. It’s all going in there. We only have like, 1.4k words. Besides, it’s almost like what we’ve just interrupted,” I suggested. That seemed to get them slightly annoyed.

“Jay,” Sam said levelly “Why the hell are we even doing this again?”

“Because if he tries to write it will be completely ridiculous with characters aware of the fact it is fictional. Remember chapter 3? It’s better if he just transcribes.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me of that sensory rape."

“Well, we’ll let people assume what the argument was like, and I’ll just skip that bit,” I suggested. They seemed to like that idea, and continued their story.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Everypony,” Twilight suddenly announced, standing up. “I’ve decided that we need to negotiate. Keep our guests still and silent, until I return.” With that she trotted out the door. Sam stood out and opened his arms, palms facing outwards in a gesture of passiveness.

Anonymous Pegasus #3 wasn’t aware that it was a gesture of surrender, instead assuming it meant confusion, and prepared to fight. He began to draw his sword, only to feel the point of one against his neck.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” warned Spike. “You might have training, but I have natural instincts in fighting. Not to mention magical breath that I forged this in. Your sword would break on my armour, and mine would cut though yours like it was nothing.” He shrugged.

The Pegasus slowly complied and lay down, a glare at Spike remaining in his eyes. A gag was put in his mouth and a guard placed, while another pony took away his sword. Sam came down and sat beside him, handing over the sword quite happily, and looking quite cheerful despite the predicament they now found themselves in.

“Now, are you gonna be quiet, or do we need to gag you too?” Asked Spike. Sam responded with what could only be defined as a childish motion, and mimed zipping his lips shut.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh come on,” complained Sam. “I told you why I did that, and it was because it’s a show made for little girls. I figured that if I used words like,” He paused to look around the room for examples. “Truncat-wait, why do you even have that on a poster?”

I shrugged “I like the word Truncated Icosahedron, and it’s a very useful shape. Soccer balls and the Fat Man atomic bomb are two examples I can think of.” He ignored me and went on with his story.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Twilight pushed the door open with a hoof and walked out, just as Golden Shield and the doctor began to move in as well.

“Keep Constantine hidden until I say otherwise,” Whispered the Doctor quickly, lips barely moving. “I want to keep ahead of them, and something tells me they’re quite a way along already. Let’s not give them a hoof-hold.”

“Greetings, mystery mare,” Said Golden Shield, meeting halfway across the battlefield, earning a kick to the shins from the doctor. “My name is Golden Shield, and this is The Doctor. Whom might you be?”

“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I have a proposition for you, General.”

(Authors notes) Well, I literally just finished it seconds before uploading, so feel free to point out any errors. I can't believe I only wrote 308 words over the weekend. Still, TENSION what is her proposition, and is it check-mate already? Find out next time on Constantine and the Eternal Night. Also, *Spoiler alert* Epic song made and sung by me, possibly featuring Sam himself. Only time will tell if I care enough to make it and find people to play instruments, but until then, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 16: Casino Twilight

Chapter 16: Casino del Twilight

“So, are we going to launch right into this,” I asked. “Or are we going to have dialogue to make it more suspenseful?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Replied George. “Of course we’re going to have dialogue. How else can we ensure you don’t get a bunch more upvotes?”

“I only partially agree,” Said Sam. “Just have what you two just said, then what I’m saying now, then launch right into it.” We couldn’t argue with that idea, and thus more crap was written by me, because I didn’t see Sam putting this in here.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I said I have a proposition for you,” Twilight repeated. “What’s the matter? Alicorn had your tongue cut out?”

“Ha,” laughed Golden Shield “Only our mighty queen’s predecessor would do such a thing. How you could wish for her return, I have no clue,”

“Come now, you two,” Said the Doctor, intervening to prevent them goring each other. “Twilight, I believe you mentioned a proposition?”

Looking away from Shield to look at the doctor, she spoke again. “I can give back your hostage, but it’s going to cost you, big time. I happen to know he has a fair bit of info I’d like to get my hooves on, and he also has some you’d probably like to know about my friends and I.”

“Oh,” Golden Shield feigned surprise and sarcastically summarised. “So you’re telling me that he’s gone up in value because of a few minutes to learn about a secret society? Gee, I wonder how he came to know anything from a mare who keeps silence in a secure facility.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Jay,” Said George, glaring. “What did I tell you about alliterating?”

“I know,” I sighed. “But I thought it was clever. And besides, it’s catching on!” His glare told me to shut up about his accidental alliteration. I coughed while looking away, and then flicked my eyes back to him. “Eheheh, sorry.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Doctor stepped in again, before Twilight could retort. “I daren’t think that you are all he has new information on. What else did he discover, and how did he do so when properly restrained I wonder?” He brought a hoof to his muzzle in contemplation.

“Perhaps if you agree to my terms he’ll live long enough to tell you.”

“Oh hoh,” chuckled Golden Shield, pushing the Doctor aside. “Threatening him now, are you? Neither of us has any magic, though if I hadn’t any qualms about harming a mare I should very much like to rend you with my sword. It wouldn’t be hard.”

“Come now,” Pleaded the doctor. “If you’ll excuse us for a moment, Miss Sparkle, it appears our diplomatic skills are somewhat lacking in the communication department.” He accompanied this statement with a healthy glare at Golden Shield. They turned and quickly trotted halfway back to their side’s congregation. Placing a foreleg over each other’s shoulders, they began to whisper furiously.

Twilight couldn’t hear, and didn’t try to; instead trying to turn her ears to hear if anything was happening inside the tree. There wasn’t a noise. All of the tree’s occupants were waiting with bated breath. George could, however, hear most of the conversation.

“Shield, you fool,” hissed the doctor. “Don’t you see she’s trying to get you annoyed, to find your weaknesses? Don’t give in; just imagine that it’s George talking. Speaking of, she knows about him. Don’t you get that? She knows. How much I can’t say, but she is very well aware of a sentient species that does not belong in this universe.”

“What?” He replied, drinking in all of this new information. “How can she know anything? Surely Anonymous Pegasus #3 hasn’t talked this soon? If he were of my ranks, I’d-“

“No,” Dismissed the Doctor calmly. “I won’t say more, but I think if we bend, but not completely fold easily, we may discover more; perhaps from Twilight herself!” Golden Shield nodded assent, and motioned for him to continue. “I can’t speak of what I am unsure, but the longer I wait the more likely it seems. Try to keep silent, this time around, please?”

They removed their hooves from one another, turned 180° to look at Twilight, and then moved their heads to face each other. They made the customary synchronised nod, and turned forwards again. In unison, they began to move forwards.

“So I take it you’ve come to a decision?” Twilight asked. She was somewhat surprised when Golden Shield stepped back to allow the doctor to speak.

“No,” Said the Doctor simply. “We wish to make an informed decision, and so wish to know more before we do so.”

“Tsk, tsk,” Scolded Twilight. “You can’t expect to get through life without taking a few risks. Come on, gamble just this once.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay guys seriously,” I said in a serious tone. “Why did you tell me to call it ‘Twilight’s Proposition’ if it’s mostly just them tossing insults and arguing back and forth?”

“Because,” George joked, “We were attacked by zombies.” Unbeknownst to him, I still can’t tell a joke when people say it. Calling bull is different, I’m good at that, but I’m utterly oblivious on sarcasm and joking.

“George,” Sam stated, “If you say that, he’s going to write story about us in Equestria being attacked by zombies. No matter how long you leave for; a couple of weeks or over a year; Jay will always be his oblivious self.”

“Hey,” I responded indignantly. “I have changed a lot in the past few years. I haven’t been in anything I consider a fight since I got to high school. A split lip and trade of blows does not constitute a fight.”

“…When did you get a split lip?”

“One of my favourite sayings from you,” Interrupted George, “Is ‘I’ll fight back if I perceive a threat’.”

“Yes,” I replied. “And if they give me a piss-poor smack in the jaw, I’ll do the same, and it becomes a game.”

“Did that rhyme intentionally?”

“Yes, Sam, yes it did.” And then I almost changed back to 1000 word chapters because I’m writing this at 7:00PM on Monday, while listening to Winter Wrap-Up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, on the game that I waste valuable writing time on…

“My god, if I fire the cannon just right it times really well with the pony songs!” I exclaimed, ignoring my writings for the moment.

“Okay, just do a multiplayer with me sometime and we’ll make a WWII PMV,” Replied George, barely concealing his laughter over the Skype call.

“I think technically for it to be a PMV it has to be a regular song with a pony video,” I said dispiritedly. “So we’ll be doing Pinkie-Werfer, Pinkie-Shreck, Twi-ger, RD-12, what else?”

“Maybe you should stop putting spoilers in the story, so people are more surprised.” I followed that advice, because it was smart. And I didn’t notice this either, because I was making Nazis smile.

Note: The song I use could be anything. In fact, I may do several, like September (Katyusha FTW!), Smile, WWU, This Day Aria, I honestly don’t know yet.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Know what? Screw it; I’m up to 1200 already, might as well get to 1500. Possibly 2000 if I’m still awake. And the TV doesn’t call me. Why are you still reading this mid-chapter author’s note? Sam is best text ninja. I’m probably going to re-name this chapter to ‘Casino del Twilight’. Simply because it isn’t a place where you hear a proposition, it is where you go to gamble.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“My dear Twilight,” Responded the doctor, “if only you knew the gambles I’d already made today. On the advice of a sound individual, mind you. Though in hindsight, his sanity may in fact be questionable.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oi!” Exclaimed George. “He didn’t say that, and we all know you’re the crazy one of this group.”

“Sam,” I asked, “Did he say that?”

“Normally I’d say no, but on this occasion, it’s too funny to pass up.”

“Wait, you’re siding with him?”

“Hey,” I said nonchalantly, as if Phillip didn’t disappear for the time I knew George. “I’m siding with Phillip, and you know how little we get along.”

“Who the-“

“Phillip is the supposed voice in Jay’s head,” Sam answered. “See, if this were fictional, Phillip would show up in Equestria.”

‘What bearing does this have on the story?’

“Phillip makes a fair point. George, you are of questionable sanity, let’s move this along.” I could practically hear him glare over Skype. “Hold on, I’m going to go outside and stare at stars for a while, in naught but a t-shirt and shorts, and then I’ll go watch the fire inside, then continue if it isn’t time to sleep.” I paused Windows Media player, and left the last 500 words on the same die upon which the Doctor’s choice rested.

(Authors notes) Well this morning I did a bit of rehearsing for a song on the game, and so far am doing well. May need a few people to help out for it to work at all, though. Also, I'm going to begin writing up lyrics for the song I promised. I may record it, but no upload until I hit 25 tracks...Might wait a couple of days(Weeks?) before I do it, because right now my voice sounds like I've been swallowing gravel. I'm getting really behind on chapters, so as soon as I'm off school, I'm going to write as many as possible in as short a time as possible. My god my self-esteem is lacking, so go tell your friends about this and get them to up-thumb it. I've already lost a bet based on a lack of favs, and do not intend to lose another one. Or if you want to ignore that, then as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 18: What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter 18: What could possibly go wrong?

“Right, so, we’re all healthy now, yes? George, I’m looking at you,” I started, looking at the icons representing my friends in the Skype call. “This chapter is going live Tuesday, and I want it to be nice and long to make up for everything we’ve missed.”

“Well, not much of interest happened for a while after that,” Said Sam, deciding to pick up where we left off. “We carried him over to his side, and then talked in peace for a bit. Can’t remember everything, but when we were done we-well, they…They sort of put their right fore-hooves together, like a handshake, but they didn’t shake…I just rolled with it at the time, and then we kind of intermingled.”

“Twilight mentioned something else, too,” George added, showing to Sam and I that he was not, in fact, dead. “And it wasn’t the song title and artist that wrote it.” He seemed to be slightly annoyed that we had a music quiz without him the other day. “She said he’d be out for a couple of hours, and by a couple she meant until about tomorrow morning. I figured that to be around about… Sunrise.” I always did think he overused dramatic pauses.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Well, now we’ve settled everything,” Said The Doctor, walking with Twilight and Sam’s projection back to the tree. “I have a question for you both: How much do you know about golf?” The question clearly took Sam off-guard, as he hadn’t expected ponies to participate in a sport that required opposable thumbs. He answered before Twilight could, and didn’t bother looking to see her face, which was no doubt even more confused.

“Well,” Sam replied, “I know that traditionally it is a sport played on foot, with clubs.” The Doctor smiled and motioned for him to continue. “The club is used to strike a small ball, a couple of inches in diameter and covered in dimples, in order to propel it towards a hole a fair distance away. Don’t know much about the crazy scoring system, though.”

“Well, Twilight, I’m sure that clears up any questions that you may have had,” Sam turned to see Twilight wearing the frown of one who has been informed of a completely unheard of concept, and is working on figuring it out.

“Wait, you mean golf isn’t a sport that’s played here too often?” Sam was puzzled. How could it be that the town’s most scholarly citizen didn’t know about something? He thought back to what the stallion he had never found out the name of had said. His long-lost friend was here. Of course he’d bring up the subject of something mind-numbingly boring to make sure that some aliens didn’t anally probe him. “Ah well, I know enough to play, I guess, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, the reason I asked was because there is going to be a competition held tomorrow morning, and the representative for the unicorns will be, err, ‘unavailable’ at that time,” The Doctor said with a chuckle, before getting to the point. “Anyway, I decided that your vast intellect would be indubitably invaluable in that you possess a great understanding of physics off-hoof, and so would be able to predict probable trajectory with little or no effort.” She blushed at the compliment as she removed the large number of protective spells around her home and unlocked the door.

“Well, I’m sure I should feel honoured, but I’d rather not partake in anything involving clubs,” She replied, having not listened completely to Sam’s explanation. “I’m really a pacifist at heart.” She motioned them inside with a hoof, and Sam’s image dissipated as the real him ran over. The Doctor had instructed that all of the ponies outside should come at his signal, which he gave at this point. They were all conscious, aside from Golden Shield, who was carried, and George entered in the midst of them, stooping slightly to remain hidden.

Suddenly Pinkie decided to voice the thought she’d been desperately trying to hold in throughout the negotiations. “Let’s have a PARTY!” She shouted, causing all who were in the room to leap several feet back and stare at her with what was, to all appearances, utmost fear. Pinkie remained jovial, and proceeded to haul in her party cannon seemingly from nowhere. All the Ponyville residents simply shrugged it off as just Pinkie being Pinkie, but the visitors were stunned, almost to the extent that George gave his position away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay, just tell me before we go on,” I interrupted. “I’ve heard many things about the magnitude of Pinkie’s parties, so please tell me: Do you end up having a party, or is she called off and you all just settle for a drink?”

“Funny you should say that, actually. While I’m sure that all you’ve heard is great,” George replied, “It’s not worth it, if alcohol is involved. Trust me on that. I didn’t have any, but, well, a couple of ponies did, and they seemed worse off than Goldie by the end of it.”

“Well,” I continued, thinking on this new information, “I’m just going to assume you mean the ‘party hangover’ associated with the morning after. I just think it would be hilarious you trying to play golf with a dry tongue and a pounding headache.” He didn’t seem to think so, and my comment was ignored as he continued the tale.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Err, as much as we all need a party and a drink in all this,” Said The Doctor, “I’ve heard of your parties, and that they have their own hangovers. Please feel free to have a party, but I’d like for you to please keep it down. Myself and the other competitors shall be in another room, speaking.”

“Oki doki loki,” Replied Pinkie as The Doctor nodded and was led, along with the other competitors, downstairs by Twilight. The basement door was closed, and a few muffled bangs issued from behind it. Twilight didn’t look behind her the entire time, and was rather surprised to see that not only Sam and The Doctor had followed, but some pink maned yellow Pegasus and an unknown human as well. She thought she perceived a shadow move stealthily into the midst of the boxes, but quickly dismissed it.

“Uh,” Twilight started. She was confused, more than anything. “Who are these two? Doctor, do you know them?” Upon seeing that she was unwanted, Flutttershy shrank back and began apologising in a voice scarcely over a whisper. Before she could turn and flee upstairs, where it sounded like DJ Pon-3 had begun her work, The Doctor introduced them all.

“Right,” Said The Doctor quickly, “Twilight, this is Fluttershy, the competitor for Pegasi, and George Arthur Constantine, a human, from Earth. I’m The Doctor, for those who don’t know. Fluttershy, this is Sam and Twilight Sparkle. George, this is Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, and, well, I think you know who this is.” He smiled as George and Sam walked up to each other. For a while neither said anything. Suddenly, George greeted his old friend with a flurry of Australianisms.

“G’day, mate! How’re ya goin’?” He asked in a stereotypical Aussie accent. All the smiles quickly faded, as none in the room had ever heard such an odd tongue before. “I’ve bin ‘ere fer Christ knows ‘ow long, an’ now an ol’ mate o’ mine comes along and reckons he can ‘ave a chinwag ‘bout whatever he likes without a drop o’ the old amber? For shame,” he said, shaking his head in the manner of a person whose team mates didn’t pull their weight. Quite to everyone’s surprise, Sam replied in the same odd dialect, reciting the code he and his friends had made up to use in situations such as these.

“Well, ‘scuse me if I didn’t get a chance to grab a bit o’ VB on my way over,” He replied. They had the entire Australian colloquial language to use, so they might as well find out what’s going on while they were at it. “Best thing my side o’ the Black Stump since you pissed off is prob’ly Jay maturin’ up, some.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hey,” I interrupted angrily. “That’s a lie and you know it! I never matured up any more than since George disappeared.”

“But you did mature up a little bit at that time,” replied Sam, thankfully not mentioning the sledgehammer incident, or whatever second-hand knowledge he might have of it. “Although I did hear of a lapse in this maturity when you almost blew up a metalwork room.”

“…Cock,” I summarized.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Um, Constantine,” The Doctor said after they had finished what was secretly rehearsed dialogue. “Can you please speak in terms we all understand? It’s just that I have no clue what you’re saying. While I’m sure this language has roots in Equestrian, it has far too many words I’m unfamiliar with.”

“Soz,” Said Sam, before trying to get as much information as he could with fluent Australian. “So mate, y’know what the G-O is ‘round ‘ere? I dunno ‘bout you, but I’m thinkin’ this sheila’s got a few ‘roos loose in the top paddock.”

“Too bloody right, mate,” Agreed George, nodding at Sam. “Few o’ these blokes, too. An’ the boss-fella’s wilder than the lot! Been waitin’ fer somepony I know to show up so I can ‘ave a dinky-di gasbag with ‘em, now you show up an’ there’s hellfire all over!”

“If you’re not going to speak in terms we can understand,” Twilight said angrily, “please either don’t talk at all, or provide translations.” Sam leaned over to whisper into Twilight’s ear, using a cupped hand to cover his mouth.

“I’m trying to get a handle on the situation, Twilight. And chances are George will probably want a status report on what’s happening back home. Either way, it’s a private conversation. Besides, I don’t trust anyone apart from him, in this place.” Twilight seemed a little annoyed at this explanation, but she seemed to let it slide.

“They’re talking about things that do not concern us, it would seem” Twilight said to the other ponies in the room. “Should we talk over there?” She asked, pointing with a hoof to a far corner. Time lord and Pegasus complied, and they walked over in silence. Whatever they spoke of, it was probably unimportant. Herein is an account of the exchange between George and Sam, in the common tongue.

“Look, it isn’t my fault if when I show up whatever fragile diplomatic threads are in place snap!” Retorted Sam angrily. “I need to know what’s going on, and how we’re going to get out of here.”

“Okay, so I’ve been here almost a year and a half, and the one in charge is an Alicorn with power over the moon, who intends to create a new sun, because two moons get boring after a while. She’s going to raise the sun tomorrow morning, just before the golf tournament. Look, I need to know two things: Can I trust you, and can you keep this next thing under your hat?”

“Hey, I’m not going to trust anyone but you for a long time, okay? As if I’d risk that trust being anything but mutual. Tell me anything, and until it becomes common knowledge, I shall act as if I know nothing.”

“Okay, first of all: I found out there’s a way to destroy the Queen and restore the princess who was here before. But we need to find some ponies that represent the spirits of these things called the elements of harmony. The next thing, I’m pretty sure my pistols are still working, and I have a combat knife if that fails.”

“Elements of harmony…I think I heard Jay refer to those at one stage. But I think I know who we need. I’ll remember the names when I hear them, but that might take too long. I think he talked about the bearers of them being, in his own words, ‘The Six Most Mentally Unstable Mares in All of Ponyville’ which, after what I’ve seen today, is almost certain to include that Pink one with the poofy hair.”

“Right… Well, chances are they’ll all be here in this building, but… Finding crazy ponies in a room full of party loosened ponies… Well, I think we’ll have a fun story to tell if we ever get back.” He smiled, and a look of determination crossed his features. Sam always hated that look. It always meant that he was about to run right into hell and take everybody along for the ride. He thought back to his friends, in particular Jay, who would know everything they needed about this world. If he wasn’t allowed to tell them what they needed to do, he’d at least laugh at that look. That insane look in George’s eyes were all the convincing he’d need to know whether or not it was a good idea to try. ‘Admittedly, he knew he’d be doing something crazy and impossible, but he’d still try it.’ Sam thought to himself. He wondered if George had ever thought about his friends back home. He only now noticed how tall George seemed to have gotten. ‘Must be all the veggies.’ Sam thought, chuckling to himself. Vaguely, he became aware of a hand waving in front of his face.

“Hello? Earth to Sam,” George teased. They had stopped speaking Australian, it seemed. They had a grip on their situation, and they had a plan. They also had the balls to carry out this plan, and nothing better to occupy their time. Sam knew George’s old saying for whenever he’d embark on one of his crazy missions, and saw it coming a mile away. “If hell exists…” he began, a grin spreading across his face. The smile proved itself contagious, and Sam felt himself almost laughing as he finished.

“Then it’s our job to find it! HAHAHAHA!” He punctuated this last call with a laugh that would summon the men in white coats over any divide. He did not, however, expect to be bear-hugged from behind by something mint green. With hooves. And, judging by the pain in his back, a horn.

“Fingers,” Said Lyra, refusing to let go of her Human. Sam began to worry. He looked to George, who responded by giving the universal signal for ‘I don’t have a clue’, as this had not happened to him before. Lyra seemed to realise how tight she was squeezing, and released him, if only so she could go to look at his hand. Her eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning, if the child’s eyes were as big as dinner plates and the child was drooling over something as simple as fingers. Sam wanted George to put a bullet in this thing’s head, to avoid the awkwardness of this situation. But no, he didn’t appear to be telepathic today, and she continued to stare.

“Uh…Can we…Help you?” George hazarded. Bad move. Her eyes, defying all sense and probably several laws of physics and biology, widened further, and she spoke again.

“More Humans!” She shouted joyously. She stood up on her hind legs and clapped her hooves together. The humans saw she was wearing a pair of jeans, which both found incredibly… Disturbing. She then remembered that she should probably introduce herself. “Hi! I’m Lyra! What are your names? What kind of names do humans have? What do humans eat? What are your oral care practices? What is your se-“

“LYRA!” Twilight shouted, startling her from her rapid-fire questioning. She backed away, ears folded down and an ashamed look on her face. George looked at Sam, with one question in his eyes: ‘Is she one of them?’ Sam shook his head quickly while Twilight was busy staring down the self-proclaimed ‘human enthusiast’. Sam gestured at Twilight and gave the thumbs up, hoping the message was not lost on his friend. She is. Lyra noticed the use of fingers and instantly perked up. George responded by lifting his left hand with all but the thumb extended. Four left.

“Well Twilight, we were just about to go get ourselves a snack, did you want anything? Oh, and before you say we can’t take it, where we come from, parties aren’t usually rated well by your peers if you can remember everything that happened.” Twilight let out a sigh and gestured for them to go upstairs. They winked at each other and bumped fists. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay guys, that looks like a great place to end the chapter,” I said, clapping my hands. “It’s late, I need to practice for my English and learn how to walk in a skirt without stuffing up, and I’m going to the hospital tomorrow.”

“Do I even wa-“

“No,” Sam stopped George before he finished his question. “Knowing Jay, those things are unrelated but he just put them into the same sentence so they sound saner.”

“Not true,” I answered matter-of-factly. “I’m a female character for my English performance, so I decided it was a good idea. Anyway, if we go on, it won’t be cliff-hanger-y enough, and the cliff-hangers are sometimes the best bit.”

“But this isn’t really a cliff-hanger,” George pointed out. “Merely a great tipping point from which many different outcomes may-“

“Hush, George,” I interrupted rudely. “That’s my thing, and I need to learn how to say ‘not now, procrastinating’ in Japanese, so I can say that when people ask how my writing is going while I’m watching anime.”

“Have you finished H.O.T.D. yet?” Asked Sam.

“No, and that’s why I need to know this.” I replied. The sounds of foreheads hitting palms resounded through the Skype call. Repeatedly.

(Author's notes) Well, I'm doing this just after I made the blog post, so I only have to push the publish button when the time comes. I'll let Sam and George post their own notes in here from now on, if they want to. So yeah, that's it from me, and if you have musical talents, can you PLEASE help me make the song anything less than sensory rape?
(A note from George) Oh Come on, how can you blame me for this? Sam could have told you just as much!
(Author's notes) Don't care. Blaming you. So as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!

Part 17: A Thousand Years

Chapter 17: A Thousand years
(Pre-chapter Authors note: Due to technical difficulties, I was unable to upload to youtube. When I figure out how to get it to work, I'll add the link to A Thousand Years: The Musical! Here.)

“Jay,” Asked George. “Why did you make a song about this section?”

“Because I might have made a bet that I could write lyrics to a song about this fic and don’t want to watch more Gen1.”

“Well,” Sam put in, “If this increases the number of views dramatically, I’ll watch whatever Gen you’re up to with you. Only a couple of episodes, though. I am not signing up for the entire series just because a miracle happened.”

“Okay, well, do you want me to put in what you say happened as well as lyrics to the song?”

“Jay,” Said George solemnly, “Don’t put in lyrics. A link is bad enough.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh Golden Shield, if only you knew the hardships we’ve faced. If only you knew how we were forced to live like we live. All that we want,” Said Twilight, “Is peace. Think about it: A thousand years of darkness, or a thousand years of light. If the choice were up to you, what would you do?”

“Ha! We’ve managed to live in harmony these past thousand years, all because a princess got jealous and then Celestia made her disappear. A thousand years later, an ancient prophecy comes true; and you act like she’s trying to kill you. Let’s think: A thousand years in which to calm her down, or a thousand years for her to brood. They say they didn’t want to hurt her, yet they sent her to the moon? I’m sorry, but I find that just a little bit contradictory.”

“Golden Shield; these are dark days, not only metaphorically, but literally,” Stated Twilight coolly, “So how are you intending to blame us for the past thousand years? We’ve been opposed to you for the past year and a half because your eternal night ruined the lives of everypony here! I can’t believe you.” Twilight shook her head at Golden Shield in a mock scolding manner.

“Come now, both of you,” Said the Doctor, stepping fourth once again to intervene, “Although your argument gives me valuable time to think, it is unnecessary and does nothing to help diplomacy between sides. Honestly, you should know better; both of you; than to honestly believe any of us are trapped like rats.

“I’ve lived for almost a thousand years, and no matter how long you live, you always see pain, and seeing it never gets any easier. But after a few centuries, you come to accept and understand that there is pain in the world, but you also come to realise that there is always a rainbow shining through the rain.”

“I think that’s enough of that metaphor, Doctor,” Growled Golden Shield, getting to his point, “We haven’t got enough time for that. This mare is a criminal, and must be punished.”

“You are, in all meanings of the word, a royal pain in the flank,” Stated Twilight matter-of-factly, “But I’m going to let your unruly behaviour pass, because one of us has to remain civil. Uh, no offence intended Doctor.”

“Twilight, shush. It’s my turn to talk,” Said Sam, surprising all present, including those in the tree, because he was still there, “Look, as much as I dislike ponies, I don’t want this getting violent. If Twilight were to die, I don’t think I’d last more than a week.”

“SAMMY!” George yelled, almost breaking cover, “Is that you mate? Man, it feels like it’s been years! So what did I miss, and is it good or bad? Oh, did anypony cry for me?”

“Constantine!” hissed the Doctor, turning back while everyone was distracted by the now slightly faded projection of Sam, “Get out of sight! You’ll ruin everything if Twilight sees you! It’s our only hope!”

“From what I know,” Sam continued, oblivious to everything happening around him, “Up until about a year and a half ago, somebody got sent to the moon for a millennium. In those thousand years, there were probably countless questions, but you didn’t bother trying to learn the answers, now did you? For now, there is just one question left that needs answering: What do we want?”

“Yes, we had a thousand years of questions,” Answered the doctor sadly. “We tried to answer all the big ones first, and so we didn’t learn anything. From what I’ve read, Twilight has learned much about magic, not only during Celestia’s rule; in which she was the princess’ personal protégé; but even after that.

“However, that doesn’t answer our final question, does it? What do we want? What do we strive for? What do we yearn for? Well, to put it simply; we’ve been trying to arrange it this whole time. What we want,” The Doctor finished, “Is Peace. Isn’t that right?” He turned to the other two negotiators. Twilight’s eyes had the beginnings of tears of awe, but Golden Shield’s features were unreadable.

“Geez, you can talk Doc,” blurted Golden Shield, breaking the silence. “I mean, I’ve heard your speeches when somepony you like is in danger, but this is really something else.” Everyone glared at him, and Sam faded slightly more. The doctor noticed the image strength drop slightly, and took out his sonic screwdriver.

“Uh, let me get that for you,” He said, pointing it at Sam. It glowed and buzzed, and Sam became almost solid looking. “Now you can see and hear us, too. Oh, it’s still just an image Shield; you can’t touch him.”

“So,” Sam started, “How about some peace talks? Something tells me that you’ve been at war and this is occupied territory, suggesting these guys must be the underground resistance movement or something. Did I mention my name is Sam?”

“Close,” Said a slightly impressed doctor. “So far everything has been peaceful, apart from a few isolated incidences of violence, this being one of them. Now what I find interesting is your ability to cast an image of yourself over long distance. Is it technology, or magic? What kind of technology would allow that though, I wonder; but it can’t be magic because how can magic be performed if you have no horn?”

“Ahem,” Said Twilight, breaking the Doctor out of his science-gasm. “I think that we should limit the questions to those that would advance this conversation further, and accusatory. Like, for example, what part of stay put did you not understand?” She directed this at Sam, glaring.

On both ends, he smiled. “I am staying put. I haven’t moved since you told me to sit down and shut up. As for my silence, well, I don’t think that telepathic semi-physical renderings of myself really count, do they?” Anyone could see he was testing Twilight, to see what her limits were, and what happened when one reached, or worse, broke them. His own eyes seemed to widen in shock as he realised what he had said. “Wait, what did I just say?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I’m sorry,” I said suddenly before they could decide who was going to tell the next part, and how. “I’m gonna have to call it. I’m tired and my hip is making cracking sounds again.”

“Jay,” George said casually, but I somehow knew he was going to use a previous statement of mine against me. “Didn’t you once say that the time to call it a night is when you start dancing, not just foot tapping but outright dancing–“

“Badly, considering it’s me.”

“…Yeah, when that happens it’s time to call it a night.” If facial expressions had sounds, I’m almost sure I would have heard a smug grin. “Also, you mentioned recording an alpha version of the song? What does that mean?”

“No, I said that when that happens it’s time to go and watch TV with the family members, and as for the alpha, well, basically it’s without voice actors or instruments. Reckon Ben would be willing to write and play guitar stuff for me?”

“Wait,” Interrupted Sam with great validity, “we’re supposed to be in the song, right? Well how did you do our voices? If it’s crap I’m going to have to do everything.”

“Oh, just because you did magi-Music. I totally meant music.”

“Jay,” George said, sounding like he leaned towards the microphone, “if you’re putting this in, you better write that you said magic, and get back to the story right at the end of this line.” I did just that, because he grew a fair bit since going to Equestria, and got a whole lot stronger; therefore making it a preservation priority to prevent pissing him off.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Something tells me that your exposure to natural equestrian magic as you came through has caused a mutation in your blood. Basically, you’re a unicorn-monkey, and that equestrian mind is communicating with your monkey one.” For some reason, Sam was able to comprehend the Doctor’s scientific explanation, and this didn’t help to alleviate his confusion.

“Uh, Doc,” Said Golden Shield, rubbing his neck armour nervously, “Mind explaining that in terms I could understand?”

“Of course,” Said Twilight, lighting her horn. Immediately she levitated a small rock from the ground, along with some dirt. “Okay, so, basically, this is Sam.” She indicated the rock. “And this is where he is from. Basically, when he came from there to here, some of the magic that caused the first unicorns to grow horns rubbed off on him, making him like a hybrid.” She made all of the dirt cling to the rock. She then levitated some of the dirt from another spot, where it looked slightly different. “Of course, it took centuries of evolution to actually develop horns, the same as it took centuries of evolution for Pegasus ponies to grow their wings.” She brought the dirt closer. “Maybe some of the magic that pegasi depend on rubbed off too, making him an Alicorn-monkey.” She then made the second pile of dirt cling to him. For good measure, she then gave it a quick coating of moss.

“What’s the moss for?” Asked Sam. Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but the Doctor beat her to it.

“It represents us Earth ponies, whose magic allows communication with the Earth and the ability to will things into growing.” Sam decided that now would be a good time to make a joke.

“So I’m a dirty rock?” He asked, and he got a quite unexpected answer from Twilight.

“Oh, I’m so sorry if I offended you, Sam. See, I was just explaining it in a way some of our lower IQ conversation participants could get. And as for the Alicorn-monkey, that’s because I doubted Golden Shield could realise that you were a human by contextual usage.”

“To buck with it,” Said Golden Shield, flipping a metaphorical table, “I’m going to use all the big words I know. I acknowledge your requisition to have all hostages returned for your hostage. Unfortunately, I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” He suddenly blinked, looking amazed at what he had just said. “Uhhhh…”

Sam, having seen the movie which this was from before, quickly recalled the quote, and put on his best Barbosa voice. “It means no. What? I like that mov–Right, you probably don’t have those here…Basically, it’s exactly the same as a line from a, uh, play about pirates. There were a lot o’ fancy words in there, and we be naught but humble pirates.”

“Now that’s something I can understand.” Said Golden Shield, pointing a hoof. His Grandfather had been in the navy and told him a fair number of pirate stories as a child, so he found this fairly easy to relate to. It only cemented the reason for the Doctor to facehoof, the fact that he looked confused as to why.

“Well, if you don’t want to trade, then I can’t make you.” She turned as if to leave, before suddenly turning and delivering a light concussive wave, focused on Golden Shield. His eyes widened in shock before he fell back to the ground, unconscious, but uninjured. Twilight was a good spell mixer.

(Authors notes) I'm sorry for not having a chapter the last couple of weeks, but I was away from the internet and too lazy to write much more than this. As for the song, well, I'm going to need to do all that stuff I said in the chapter and more. Apart from that, all that need be said is GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!