Episode 1: Our World Minus Logic
Fore note: This really is just an attempt to make the worst fic ever.
It’s so bad it’s not even canon to the Acid Trip Saga.
Episode 1: Our World Minus Logic
“Tonight you stick you hand into your banana lair!” –Cs188
Michael sat down on the hospital bed. “Oh no! I’m in tha future!” He exclaimed.
A nurse entered the room and stepped back with a gasp. “Oh my! Mr. Rosen you woke up!” she exclaimed in shock.
“Now hold on there’s no reason to keel over and die from shock, I’m sure this happens all the time.” Michael said to try to calm the nurse down.
“Actually it doesn’t…” She said to him.
“Oh well then… look out the window… there’s a window!” He said, as he felt his passion for windows being reawakened after so long in the dream.
“Um… yes… there is… Some of your friends said that they wanted to be thawed out when you had awoken so I’ll leave you and get right to that…” The nurse said nervously and left the room.
“Thawed out? Like the rat I found in the pizza that one time?” Michael asked out loud and wondered who it could be. He really didn’t have to wait long as soon enough no other than Hairybo and Mervin walked in the room. “Hello!” Michael greeted his old friends.
“Hello Michael!” Harybo said.
“Yo man that freezer was totally jank yo know what I mean?” Mervin exclaimed.
“Well, I would imagine that it would be.” Michael replied.
“So lets get back to the café, I’m sure the money we have left over from the Belgium slave trade for a cab.” Harybo suggested and the trio nodded in agreement.
The walk through the hospital was rather disturbing, there were dead patients coming back as zambies (apparently there was a difference between zombies and zambies…), there where strippers in the elevator, and public executions were held in the atrium. Outside the hospital the world was different, giant space scrapers obscured the horizon, and a giant dome blocked out the sky. London had certainly changed during the 60 years that the Plum Café V.1.0 had been out.
“Well this is depressing…” Mervin noted, then noticed a cab passing by and whipped out his Uzi. “Yo Cab sucker! Pull yo ass over so we can gets us a ride!” He called out, and the cab did as commanded.
The group piled into the cab and were shocked to see that there was no driver. “Where do you whish to be taken?” A tinny voice asked fro the dash board.
“To Michael Rosen’s Plum Café of course!” Michael informed the cab.
“Plotting hyper zone jump.”
“What?” Michael asked the computer.
“Jumping now.” With those words the car accelerated to 9 googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex googolplex times the speed of light and appeared right in the plum café. “If you were killed by the jump please file a complaint with our customer service.
The three pulled themselves out of the cab and on to the café floor. “How did we get in the café with out breaking any walls.” Harybo asked.
“Costumer service unit online. At the speed we achieved we vibrate through solid matter. Returning to route… unable to plot jump… Recalculating, recalculating, recalculating, recalculating…”
Michael checked the GPS on the cab’s dash board, and sure enough the cab was 2 pixels off the road. “Oh you would think that they would have fixed this in the 60 years we were gone!” Michael exclaimed.
“…recalculating, annoyance detected, shutting down notifications.” The cab said then when silent.
“Well they fixed the worst part yo…” Mervin said.
Michael looked around the room they were in. The good old plum café, it wasn’t any sort of flying pyramid, it was just a corner café, it looked the exact same way it had when it the plum café V 1.0 had first left to work as part time slavers in Belgium (minus the inch of dust and the cab), that’s when Michael found the Plum of Power and touching it knocked him unconscious… “Where did you put the plum?” Michael asked.
“Oh we put it in your sock drawer.” Haribo answered. Michael ran upstairs and rooted through his room until he found the plum. He focused on it, and he felt it’s power, it was just like in the dream.
He pocketed the plum and returned downstairs to where the other two were watching the news. On the news there was what appeared to be a R.D. (Rwandan Dominion) meeting. However, there a large white horse thing in the seat usually reserved for dignitaries from Afganistan.
The current president of Rwanda stood up at the podium and cleared his throat. “Celestia the so called princess of the so called Equestria claims to have a solution to poverty, other than the genocide of poor people.”
Michael almost keeled over and died when he realized who it was!
Celestia stood up. “Well, my nation’s appearance here has created a barrier, which I have nothing to do with, that will kill you horribly on contact, which I have nothing to do with, that is expanding so it will soon cover the whole world, which I have nothing to do with, and there will soon be an unrealistically large misanthropist terrorist group, which I will have absolutely nothing to do with what so ever. So to save you we made this potion that will make you a pony, and totally not alter your brain what so ever.” Celestia explained. Michael couldn’t put his finger on it, but something made him want to call bullshit.
“Well I think you’re lying! Guards kill her, kill her now.” The president ordered, and the guards unloaded their M2s into Celestia, but she was fine!
“How did you do that?” Asked a man at the back of the room.
“Magic, I ain’t gotta explain shit!” Celestia retorted.
The man stepped forward into the light revealing himself to be Representative Armstrong. “You just activated my trap card, NANOMACHINES SON!”
Too be continued…
--
Episode 0: Celestia Fucks Us All
Episode 0: Celestia Fucks us all
"Michael Rosen gets on on the bus, then he gets off on the bus, then he gets off to the bus, then he gets the bus off, then he gets the busoff to him, then he gets off the bus to his grandmother's house, then he gets his grandmother's house off to the bus, then he exits the bus." -A friend at School
--
Celestia looked out the window of Canterlot castle, the sky was the rainbow vortex of the transdimensional void. She knew what she was doing, her and her Magic puck Equestria were going to attack the Earth and turn everyone into ponies.
--
Putin looked over the control booth he was in. he was going to view the first full power firing of the Large Haydron Collider. In the room with him was a T-Rex, scientists, and member of the Rwandan Dominion Defense Serviceable Force. “Well get along with it, I have gay rights activists to silence!” he exclaimed, and a scientist pushed the button.
--
Celestia watched as the vortex abruptly ended, and suddenly she was under the magical barrier. Quickly she teleported herself and her guards to the nearest humans to present her self.
--
When Putin came to he was looking a big horse. “Hello I’m princess Celestia, Now take me to your leader!” It demanded. “Wait, apex predators, Rwandan flags, happy people? There must have been some mistake in transport…”
“No no, this world is full of idiot corporations, misanthropy, dystopia, and has no space travel what so ever.” Putin said and the horse seemed to relax. “Psych! It’s the wrong universe!” He exclaimed.
The rest of the rooms occupants immediately cheered, as humanity had just won the first contact. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Hey Celestia, or should I say Molestia!” Exclaimed a guard.
“Oh Celestia you better go to a hospital for that burn!” Exclaimed another.
To Be Continued…
