Flim and Flam Try It Again
Flim and Flam were speeding away as fast as they could go from Sweet Apple Acres. The crowd did seem a mite displeased with their shoddy results. Granny Smith was right. One bad apple DOES spoil the whole barrel. And there were a LOT of bad apples in those barrels.
"So where to now Flim?" Asked Flam, holding up a map with a large number of crosses on it "We've run out of towns with nearby apple groves to go to."
"Yes. Well Flim, I guess it's time we get out of the cider business." Flam sighed heavily. It was a shame too, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezer 6000 was one of their best inventions.
"Looks like we'll just have to think of a new idea."
"That we will. What about an instant baking machine?" pondered Flam
"Already been done. A new way of fertilizing plants?"
"Nah. It's too disgusting anyway. Do we REALLY want to be selling manure dispersal techniques?"
"Fair point."
The pair rattled off ideas until the sun went down. They had become fatigued, and the Super Speedy Cider Squeezer 6000 began to slow down. Deciding to head in for the night, the pair rode into a town. Flim checked the map, and it was a place called Horseton. Maybe they could strike up a few ideas in the morning. They found a hotel and paid a few bits for a room. The beds were squeaky and there was a leak in the tap, but they slept well enough.
Horseton was a fairly dead-end kind of town. Small, dusty and too far away from anything to warrant special attention, Horseton was what one might call peaceful. However, the residents claimed that the town was more boring than anything in the world. All noticeable businesses had closed down and the factories had stopped their production. All that was left to do was farm their crops and dream of a more interesting life. All they ever grew were potatoes. At least they could say that they were the number one potato producers in Equestria, but this was small cosolation.
In the morning, the Flim Flam Brothers found that their vehicle had been confiscated by the local law enforcers. The low hum was keeping everypony awake. So the brothers were walking along the dusty road talking of more ideas.
"A fortune telling service perhaps?" Flim suggested "But not a real one, just one that tells you what you want to hear!"
"It's a good idea Flim, but won't that just land us in more trouble?" Flam snorted "We're already never allowed in five different towns again! Besides, it's just not our style."
"Hmm. That is quite true Flam."
"I've got one! A company that pays people if their property is damaged!"
"But how would we get the funding in the first place Flam?"
"Ahh, that's the ingenious bit!" Flam said, twirling his magnificent moustache "We get them to pay us on a monthly basis. So when their stuff gets broken, we give them money to repair it! We'll have more than enough bits for when it eventually does get broken!"
"I have to admit, that's a very good idea Flam, but what if they break their stuff on purpouse so they can just get the money?"
"Oh. Well, back to the drawi... Agh!" Flam said as he tripped over something in the dust, ruffling his mane and moustache. The object he had tripped over was not some dull rock, but the Brothers' salvation.
The Flim Flam Brothers had taken the odd mineral back to their hotel room to study it further. It was a large glowing crystaline stone, with a distinct green tinge. When Flim knelt down to examine the rock, his horn glowed the same vivid green.
"Say Flam, do you have the time?" asked Flim
"Sorry Flim, but my pocketwatch appears to have been crushed by the fall." Flam said drearily. He tossed the ruined watch on the table next to the glowing crystal. A bright flash of green light filled up the room. After the light had dissapated, there on the table, next to the strange element was a pristine gold pocketwatch. The Flim Flam Brothers were stunned. This rock was clearly magical, but what did it do? It had appered to fix the pocket watch, but they couldn't be sure. Then Flim remembered the leaky tap in the bathroom. He opened the door with his hoof and was disgusted at what he saw. The bathroom was absolutely filthy. Moisture covered every avaliable surface and green mould huddled in the corners of the room. He wasn't even going to think about the toilet in the next room. The basin was the worst offender. Covered in tape and glue, it was rusting so badly that the top half of the tap was missing. Holding his lunch down his throaght, he lifted the glowing rock up to the tap, and the same green light errupted through the room. When they opened their eyes, the entire bathroom was completely spotless! Taps and towel racks now shone brilliantly silver, the tiles had returned to black and white instead of being simply white and grey with batches of green, and the cracked mirrors were once again perfect sheets of glass.
“Well Flim, I think we’ve just found ourselves a new business!” Flam said astonished.
“Yes, but what will we call it?”
“Flamium?”
“Flimium?”
“Flimflamium?”
“No, we need a name that describes what it does.” Flim muttered. Then, the perfect name cantered through their minds.
Flim and Flam had opened a stall just outside the hotel. The sign above them read: The World Famous Flim Flam Brother’s Fantastic Fixium Repairers. It was as good a name as they were going to get. It took a small while, but a grey old mare walked up to the stall.
“Eh, what’s this sonny jim?” the old mare inquired
“Well good sir, this is our repair shop!” Said Flam cheerfully
“You might have noticed it’s not very big, but who needs a big repair show when you have THIS!” said Flim, triumphantly holding up the green crystal. The old horse was taken aback.
“What the hay is that thing?” he stuttered
“Well good sir, this is The Flim Flam Brother’s Famous Fixium! An element which we discovered right here in Horseton!” Flam yelled jubilantly. A large group had now gathered around the table
“It’s quite a remarkable mineral too!” Flim continued for his brother “When activated by unicorn magic, it will fix anything that’s near it! It may have other properties too, but we haven’t found them yet.”
“Yes, this crystal will fix anything! And that’s a guarantee!” Flam said “Would anyone like to help us demonstrate this crystal?” When he said this, a small filly came with a doll in her mouth.
“Mr. Fiddlesticks is broken.” Cried the young pony. Broken wasn’t the word for it. It was an old stuffed scarecrow, with a large tear across his front, both of its button eyes missing, a snapped staff and a missing left foot. Flim and Flam nodded to each other and lowered the glowing crystal to the small doll. With a bright green flash, the doll was in perfect condition. The filly was overjoyed.
“Thank you Mr. Flim! Thank you Mr. Flam!” She squeaked as she dashed off to play with her friends. This met with a lot of ponies waving their arms to get their farming equipment fixed.
“Now now, folks, we’ll have plenty of time to fix all your problems!”
“Just ten bits a fix! Today only!”
The green flashes continued until the sun went down and the last customer had their plough fixed.
“How much did we make today Flim?”
“One thousand, three hundred and forty-five bits Flam!”
“Wow! Soon enough we’ll have enough money to start a mining operation!”
“Why would we do that Flam?”
“So we can dig around Horseton to see if there’s any more Fixium of course!”
“Genius!”
“I thought so!”
The Horseton News wasn’t very widely read. Mostly because there was never any news in it. So the Horseton News writers were very surprised when the boss came in, with a sheaf of paper hovering above his head.
“What are you layabouts doing? We’ve got a story that’s gonna go places!” he yelled “Here’s the pitch, World Famous Flim and Flam Discover Fantastic Fixium in Horseton! Get that into a title and make a story out of it! The Horseton News goes out to all of Equestria TOMORROW!”
Flim and Flam woke up the following morning to the innkeeper knocking on the door
“Hurry up and wake up boys!” she said cheerfully “You’ve made the headlines!”
Sure enough, when they got downstairs, there were newspapers, and ponies reading them, everywhere! And every front page read: World Famous Flim and Flam Find Fantastic Fixium in Horseton! Town Overjoyed!
“Hey, there they are!” Cheered one of the ponies. They were met with the thundering of many hooves on the wooden floorboards.
“Thank you, thank you.” Said Flam as the thundering died down “I would just like to remind all the ladies and gentlecolts that our stall is opening at ten o’clock today! Ten bits a fix, and for a special offer, if you fix two items, your third is half price! Three fixes for twenty five bits!” To this, all the ponies dashed off to their homes to find things they could fix. Flim and Flam decided they needed to get as much rest as possible, they would have a big day ahead of them.
Far away in Canterlot, the first bundles of the Horseton News arrived. It was distributed to all the wealthiest houses, one of which was Fancypants’ house. Opening the door with his cup of tea hovering in the air five metres behind him, he picked up the offending newspaper and studied it quizzically. He didn’t know he got the Horseton News. Something very interesting must have happened. He closed the door and trotted into the kitchen. Fleur De Lis had left him for that Prince Blueblood, so now he was all alone in his house. He carefully put his tea down and read the headlines. He wondered if this new element could fix his relationship with Fleur.
Prince Blueblood was crying into his pillow when a servant brought him the newspaper. Fleur De Lis had broken up with him and had gone back to Fancypants, and in fit of rage, he had broken his china collection, torn his paintings and smashed his glassware. It would take billions of bits to get everything replaced, unless he got his hooves on Flim and Flam’s Fixium.
“Butler! We must go to Horeston at once!”
“As you wish sir” he said, almost slipping on a large puddle of tears.
Photo Finish was in her darkroom finishing some of her latest prints, when one of her assistant came galloping in with a newspaper in her mouth.
“Who disturbs Photo Finish while she is working?!” she cried. Her assistant dropped the newspaper at her feet as she read it.
“This gem is beautiful! Photo Finish MUST have it for her next photo shoot! We will have to go to Horseton! No delays! Photo Finish will have that gem!”
Flim and Flam were visiting the Mayor of Horseton to see if they could get a mining permit to see if they could search underneath the town for more Fixium.
“Out of the question!” The Mayor huffed
“But Mr Mayor…” Flim began, but his business skills were no use against the blustering mare.
“No buts! If you mine underneath Horseton for something that may not even be there, the entire town could collapse! And I don’t trust that thing enough to fix up the town! Sorry boys, but no mining permit!” he said as he slammed his hoof on the desk.
“Well, thank you for your time Mr Mayor.” Flam said, doffing his hat
“Oh, before you boys go, could you fix the lock on my door? The darned thing’s so rusted up, it won’t budge!” he asked, handing over ten bits. There was a familiar green flash and the Flim Flam Brothers departed the circular office. Once outside, Flim and Flam were stopped by an exquisite coach. The door then opened to reveal an equally exquisite colt.
“Hello gentlecolts.” Said Fancypants “I am Fancypants, and I require your services.”
“Of course Mr Fancypants sir!” Said Flam. By doing business with Fancypants, they could gain a lot of momentum in the marketing world. He was one of the richest ponies in Equestria after all. The brothers entered the coach and sat down.
“Now, I have heard that you boys have in your possession, a new element dubbed ‘Fixium’.”
“That we do Mr Fancypants. Would you like a demonstration?” Flim asked
“No need gentlecolts, I trust in your word. All I want is to buy that Fixium off you. I have a problem with my dear Fleur De Lis, and I thought that if it could fix anything, it might fix my relationship with her.” The Flim Flam brothers stared at each other for a while and thought about this. If they sold their Fixium, they would have quite a lot of bits, and Fancypants’ good word on them, but they would lose their entire business.
“We’re dreadfully sorry Mr Fancypants,” Flam said “But if my brother and I sold the Fixium to you, our entire business operation would go under.”
“What if you just found some more? Surely there would be?” Fancypants exclaimed
“That’s just the thing Mr Fancypants, there’s no guarantee there is any more. Besides, we were refused a mining permit from the Mayor.”
“Forget the mayor! I will pay you two any amount of money right now to start digging!” He yelled desperately. All he wanted was to get back together with Fleur.
“We’re sorry Mr Fancypants,” Flam sighed “But our decision is final. We cannot sell you our Fixium. It is too precious and there is no guarantee of your plan actually working.”
“I see. Well, goodbye gentlecolts.” Fancypants said as he opened the door for them “Hopefully we shall meet again soon.”
The Flim Flam Brothers felt sore after that. They had missed out on a brilliant business opportunity. Right then they were stopped by three mares covered in cameras
“I am Photo Finish!” she announced “And I demand you had over that crystal!”
“What? Why?” Flam cried
“Photo Finish needs that beautiful crystal for a photo shoot!”
“Sorry, Miss Finish, but we cannot give you our Fixium.” Stamped Flam “Our business is too important to waste on your photo shoot!”
“Waste?! WASTE?! Photo Finish NEVER wastes! Give me the crystal, or we shall take it by force!” she growled. Her assistants stepped forward menacingly, but Flim and Flam had already galloped past and were heading for the hotel, only to be stopped by another carriage. Out stepped Prince Blueblood, eyes red from weeping.
“I am Prince Blueblood.” The white stallion managed to croak “I need your help.”
“What is it Prince Blueblood?” The brothers asked together. If they helped the Prince, their business’ influence would skyrocket.
“I need to…” he began, but was cut off by Fancypants.
“You! Thief of my beloved Fleur!” he cried
“Fancypants! Why you…”
“The crystal is mine! It will be a gift to Fleur, and her love for me will be re-born!”
“Liar! Fleur is mine, and she always will be! I did her wrong on our last date, but I will make right!”
“Neither of you will have the crystal! Photo Finish is the only one to claim ownership!” she said, diving into Flim to try to pry the Fixium from his hooves. Clouds of dust were thrown up as Fancypants and Prince Blueblood as well as several of the townsfolk were dragged into the fight as well. Unnoticed, Flim and Flam snuck away from the brawl, and galloped into their hotel room and locked the door. The melee continued for a few minutes until they gave up and went to their lodgings.
“Close call Flim.”
“Sure was Flam.” He breathed. It HAD been a long day. The Flim Flam Brothers tidied up, then lay down on their beds and went to sleep.
That night, three people were seen sneaking around the hotel Flim and Flam were staying in. Photo Finish was abseiling down the wall, Prince Blueblood was sneaking around the vents and Fancypants was silently stepping through the corridor. Photo Finish got there first. She looked around the room and saw the Fixium sitting on the table. She nudged it into her bag and pulled out a replica. It had taken her a grand total of three minutes to craft from a photograph in the newspaper. She then heard Fancypants picking the lock to the door, so she slid out the window and clambered up the rope. Prince Blueblood cautiously poked his head out of the grate and looked around the room. He heard the careful clicking of the tumblers and knew he had to hurry. Seeing the Fixium, he slid a bag over it and placed a carefully made replica on the table. Seconds after Prince Blueblood slipped through the grate, Fancypants opened the door. With his target in sight, stashed the rare element into his briefcase and placed a perfect replica on the table. Nopony could tell the difference. He just hoped that these salesmen weren’t noponys. As soon as Fancypants closed the door, Flim and Flam’s eyes opened simultaneously. Jumping out of their beds and grabbing their waistcoats and straw hats, Flim and Flam popped their heads under the bed to retrieve the genuine Fixium.
By the time anypony realised, The Flim Flam Brothers were way out of town. They had found an ad in the paper about a shop for sale in Canterlot, and with all the bits they had made from the cider stunt and their repair stand, they could more than afford it! Fancypants gave the replica Fixium to his beloved Fleur and she loved it so much she took him back, even though she was going to do it anyway, Photo Finish made thousands of bits selling pictures of models with the ultra-rare stone, and the only one who realised his wasn’t the real thing was Prince Blueblood. However, it was far more practical to sell his fake Fixium, and he got enough bits to replace all his fine furnishings. And The Brothers also had quite an effect in Horseton too! The town became a national sensation! Gift shops were opened, monuments established and eventually, the people of Horseton did manage to find more Fixium, but it was never as pure or as powerful as Flim and Flam’s. The town became prosperous and populated, and soon it became a great city. And hanging in the Mayor’s office was a picture of the now legendary brothers, and it still hangs today.
Flim and Flam were now local billionaires in Canterlot, always the talk of the town; and eventually, they had gotten themselves tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. The brothers met Princesses Celestia and Luna, reacquainted themselves with Prince Blueblood and Fancypants, met Applejack and her friends and apologised for their behaviour and, best of all, saw the magnificent fireworks display. The Flim Flam Brothers were now, quite literally, World Famous.