And there I was.

by Alternivity

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Gore, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 7237

A pony wakes up in a crater. Who is he? How did he get there? Why is he so strange? Nopony seems to know.

A pony wakes up in a crater. Who is he? How did he get there? Why is he so strange? Nopony seems to know.

Jericho Burn has no idea what happened to him.
But somepony must.

Human comes later.

Published 2013-09-27 23:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-04 21:19:50 UTC

Waking up

"Ugh," I groaned, "what the hell happened to me?" I slowly opened my eyes to try and get an estimate of where I was. Upon regaining my vision I was confronted by a bubblegum pink creature with blue eyes.

"What the fuck?!" I cried, rolling out from underneath it, I shut my eyes again shaking my head. The hell was that thing?

"Hi I'm Pinkie Pie. What's your name?" before I could respond this "Pinkie Pie" thing bombarded me with more questions,"Where're you from? When did you get here? How old are you? Why are you in a crater? " I opened my eyes and looked at the pink entity.

"Stop talking for a minute and let me think dammit!" I yelled, once again closing my eyes, trying to recall any details about my life before waking up here, but nothing came, "Pinkie Pie, right?" it nodded, "Ok here's the deal, I don't remember anything before waking up right now-"

"Really you don't remember anything?" I snapped my eyes open a the interruption, "Not even parties?"

"Nope, not a thing," I replied. She -if her voice was an indicator- looked at me thoughtfully before springing into the air inhaling loudly and shooting off on a tangent. "Oookaaaaay then...that was, weird, "I said to no one. I decided to try to figure out where I was. Noticing I was still on my back I rolled over and gave myself a once-over. Coat of hair, black. Mane and tail, very dark blue with white streaks. Four legs, good for stability and speed. Squat muscular body, high strength. Wide range of sight, good for seeing predators or prey. With that out of the way I tested my mobility and dexterity, finding my limbs to have a high range of movement, good. I noted that my limbs ended in round bone-like shapes. "Okay time to see where I am."

"That's easy, you're in Ponyville!" another apparently female voice told me.

"Oh thanks," I looked for the source of the second voice finding a purple creature of similar shape to 'Pinkie Pie' standing at the craters rim, "oh great, another one" I muttered.

"Any time, friend. I'm Twilight Sparkle. What's your name?" she asked politely.

I tried to call up the memory to no avail, "I honestly don't know," I replied.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I mean I don't remember it."

"I still don't understand."

"I have no memory before waking up just now."

"I can help with that!" She cried out drawing the attention of several others.

"How?"

"I know a memory spell!"

"I see."

"Follow me back to my library!"

"Um, no offence but I only just met you, why should I trust anything you say?" Well that and I'm stuck in a fucking hole!

"..."

"..."
Her eyes widened as an idea hit her. In a literal flash she was standing about a metre in front of me. "How about I just cast it now?"

"Okay, go ahead." I said calmly, a strange sensation considering that she just fucking popped instantly from one place to another.

I shut my eyes as she squeezed hers tight and placed her horn - which I noticed for the first time- between my eyes. Suddenly a single image shot through my mind accompanied by the words 'Jericho Burn'.

"I, I remember my name, Jericho Burn. But I still don't recall anything else."

"I don't understand, you should remember everything!"

"Well maybe there isn't anything there to remember? Frankly I'm just glad I now have a name. Thank you for your help Twilight."

I decided that I should try walking or at least standing up. I moved my legs slowly keeping myself balanced across all four, to my surprise I was able to stand relatively easily. "That's a good start now walking might be a little more tricky," stated Twilight.

"Well," I said, "here goes nothing." I took a step forward, and felt my face become well acquainted with the ground. I repeated the process several more times, until I became aware of Twilight watching me with what I took to be amusement.

"Something funny 'bout a guy that can't even remember what he is let alone how to use his body?" I asked coldly, finally not face-planting

"No not at all!" she said quickly, turning away with a blush.

"Good to know, now that I can move, care to help me out of this hole?"

"No problem!" she said touching me with her hoof. I shut my eyes and waited a few seconds before opening them again as a wave of nausea hit me.

"Why didn't you warn me about the disorientation!" I yelled as another wave crashed down on me. She started stammering apologies before I cut her off. "Chill, it's nothing, just a little warning next time, okay?" I said softly, in an attempt to avoid an all out breakdown.

"Thanks but you're right, I should have warned you."

"Now then, it would looks like I'll need a place to stay. Do you know of any where I might find one?"

"I have a spare room in the library."

"I would hate to be a burden-"

"You're not a burden, you're my friend. Now come on, I wanna show you the Golden Oaks library!"

Author's Note

This is my first fic so let me know what you think of it. Useful criticism is most appreciated. Now with revised format !

Accidents and First Impressions

"So, just to be clear, we're all ponies?" I asked as we walked toward the largest tree in town.

"Yep, we're all ponies, though there are three distinct types. First there are unicorns, who have horns to channel their magic."

"Like you?" I queried.

"Yep, then there are the pegasi who have wings to fly and can control the weather."

"Like her?" I asked pointing at a blue pony with a polychromatic mane shoving a cloud across the sky.

"Very good. In fact that's my friend Rainbow Dash!" exclaimed Twilight, "Moving on, the last group're the Earth ponies, they tend to be stonger and faster than unicorns and pegasi."

"Okay then, what am I?"

"I can't tell."

"Why not?" I questioned.

"Firstly your clothes hide the area wings would be, also your mane hides the place of a horn."

"Aha. Just one more thing."

"And that would be?"

"What's with the tatoos? Every adult I've seen has one, some of the youths, too."

"What're you talking about?" I simply pointed to her flank, "Ohhh you mean Cutie Marks!" I nodded, cocking a brow.

"Silly colt, everyone knows what a Cutie Mark is!" she giggled

"She said to the dude with. No. Fucking. Memories!" I retorted my voice rising to a yell.

"I'm so, so, sorry, I completely forgot!" she apologised cowering slightly.

"No I did. However, I honestly don't give a fuck, so just tell me what a Cutie Mark is."

"Well a Cutie Mark appears on a foal's flank when they discover what their special talent or place in the world is!"

"Hmmm, if I have a Cutie Mark that might help me find out who I was."

"Yep, oh, we're here!" she said opening a door mounted inside the tree.

"Whoa, nice digs," I commented walking into the library.

"Thanks," she said brightly. I loosed a barley stifled yawn.

"Sorry. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Not at all. The guest room is upstairs, second door on the left."

"Cool. Hey thanks again for letting me stay here." I wandered up the stairs and into the room, spotting the bed I immediately trotted over and fell heavily on it, passing out.

When next I opened my eyes, I was once again greeted by Pinkie Pie standing over me.
"Holy Hades!" I yelled, slamming my hooves squarely into her chest, causing her to cry out as she hit the opposite wall. Rolling myself off the bed, I walked up to her.

"Are You okay?" I asked, not letting her respond, I added, "If you are, get out. If not, groan." Standing up slowly, she looked at me with what I imagine was a glare. "If you're trying to glare at me it won't work." I watched her expression shift from apparent anger to obvious confusion. "I have no memories before meeting you, so emotional cues don't work on me."

Perking up, she opened her mouth, "Hey-."

"No."

"But-."

"Please leave. Now."

"I jus-."

"Get. Out." I snarled, slamming my hoof into the ground,cutting her off and causing the mare to flinch. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she turned and ran out the door slamming it behind her. "*sigh* Welp, that went well." I walked to the shelf that I'd bucked Pinkie into, and started to pick up the fallen books. "Hmmm." I opened a book and casually flicked through it. Stopping on a random page, I started reading aloud, "As Daring Do freed herself, she saw the tentacles of the beast rise from the water. "Not today big boy!" She called back to the baby kraken. "Now to find Baron Fangar." she thought to herself." I closed the book, "Well, looks like I can read," I said putting the book on the shelf.
The door to my room slammed open. "Jericho! What the hay is your problem?"

"You mean besides my lack of memory?" I said, turning to face an enraged Twilight.

"Where do you get off treating others that way?" she yelled getting angrier

"What are you talking about?"

"Pinkie Pie ran out of your room a minute ago crying her eyes out! What in Tarturus did you do to her?"

"I woke up to her face almost touching mine and, finding this rather upsetting, I pushed her with more stregth than I thought I had. After checking that she was alright I asked her to leave, when she failed to comply I raised my voice." I answered bluntly. I shut my eyes and dared her to try something. Her eyes narrowed.

Finally Twilight spoke, "So that's it? Not even a denial?"

"Why would I deny doing that?"

"Because...um...I don't know," she said, lost for a response, "but reducing anypony to tears is a horrible thing to do."

"I have no control over the reactions I get."

"But still, to get Pinkie to break down like that take an extreme amout of cynisism and spite!"

"I guess that makes me an extremely spiteful cynic, eh?" I said with a faint smile.

"I suppose so." she replied with a giggle.

"Now, If you'd excuse me, I'm going to undress myself."

She blushed heavily, "O-okay... um... bye!" she called bolting out the door and, with a chuckle, I gently closed it behind her. Turning back to the room, I spotted a full-length mirror and trotted over. I gazed at my reflection seeing my face for the first time. I saw staring back at me the deepest crimson I'd ever seen (not that that meant anything), but unlike any other ponies I'd seen mine had no pupils but, knowing nothing about pony physiology, I dismissed it as a small anomaly. Moving on I took note of my attire, which consisted of: Some sort of midnight-blue vest with a myriad of pockets to be rifled through later, a full body suit, the same off-black-blue with interlocking metal plates covered by some kind of durable fabric, and four black armored metal shoes with gold inlays.

"Okay then, let's get this over with," I said, shrugging off the utility vest.

Next off were the boots which seemed to clip onto the suit. I looked over the suit trying to find a way to remove it. I searched for a minute or so then, giving up I walked back to the mirror to better see how to take the suit off. I looked myself over once again, my eyes settling on the harness on my chest, with four straps made of a metal similar to white-gold but a bit darker. At the centre sat a disk made of gold with an inset magenta gem. I studied the harness finding small clips on the lower straps. Undoing them I lifted the strange harness over my head, noting how light it was, and set it carefully with the vest and boots. Looking back at the mirror, I tried in vain to find how to remove the suit but there was nothing to give me a clue.

"*Sigh* I give up," I said, walking toward the door, "maybe Twilight can help." Opening the door I walked out.

*BOOM*

. "Not again," came a whine from Twilight's room, but was not her voice, "Twilght are you okay!?" it yelled.

I ran down the stairs and through a smoking doorway. Coughing slightly as I blinked a couple times to get the acrid smoke out my eyes, when I opened my eyes again most of what I could see was blue. I looked around trying to see anything, when my eyes fell onto a purple pony-shaped aura. I ran toward it, blinking away more smoke as my vision once again presented black. I came to the place I saw the entity, Twilight as it turned out, and rushed to her side.

"Twilight are you alright?!" I called seeing her limp form, "Twilight!" But no response came. I lifted her onto my back, nearly cheering when she emitted a faint cough, but stopped myself, instead running toward the door. Once clear of the smoke I set her down on the sofa in the foyer. I checked her over, pure joy flowed when I saw her chest rise and fall rythmically, but slowed when I found a large cut on her head.

I then went to investigate the voice from Twilight's room, enraged that it's owner had failed to come to her aid. Slamming ther door open I saw a surprised reptilian creature.

"What're you doing in here?" he asked slightly annoyed by my intrusion.

"Looking for you, apparently," I replied, getting angrier.

"Huh? Why?"

"What is your relation to Twilight Sparkle?" I said calmly, not letting him see my fury.

"She hatched me and has taken care of me since. Why?" at this my rage took over as I hit the lazy fucker, hard. "What did yo-AHHHHGGG!" he cried as I hit him again.

"YOU SAT AND DID NOTHING AS THE CLOSEST ONE YOU HAVE TO FAMILY LAY ON THE FLOOR BLEEDING! HAD I NOT BEEN HERE SHE MAY HAVE DIED YOU INSOLENT FOOL!" I screamed, "YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO HAVE HER AS YOUR KIN!" he sat there and cried, looking at me, "Go find a doctor or medic," no movement, "NOW YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" At this he stood on two feet and ran as fast as he could, still crying, to find some help.

Having lost the target of my rage I calmed down and walked to Twilight's side and started stroking her mane. "Everything's going to be okay, you'll be fine," I said, more for my own comfort than hers.

A minute or so later an orange earth pony with a blonde mane, an apple cutie mark and a Stetson, rushed through the front door.

"Twi! Twilight were are ya?!" she called before spotting me standing over Twilight, "Get away from 'er right now, er ye'll be sorry!" she threatened, looking on the verge of tears.

"If she doesn't get to a hospital now she might die. So unless you can take us to one you're completely useless and wasting my time," I said, anger and desparation rising in my voice. I don't know why I cared at all, but I did.

"Ah know where the hospital is-" she started.

"Then let's go!" I said, gently lifting Twilight.

"But ah don't know you-"

"I don't care, her wellbeing means more to me. Show me where the hospital is or I will find it myself." Not waiting for a respnose I walked out the door and down the street.

"Yer goin' the wrong way," called the mare, "if'n ya can keep up we'll get there in no time!"

"Thank you," I said, grateful she had seen sense. As we passed the the town square the mare spoke up.

"Any idea what made that there hole?"

"It would appear that somehow I did."

"What're you talkin' about?" she said stopping.

"Later, let's get Twilight to the hospital first."

"Oh, yeah, right!" she said galloping off.

"Dammit!" I cursed her stupidity. I looked around trying to find someone else to lead me to the hospital. "Hey you!" I called at random, "Get over here!" To my surprise this yeilded a result in the form of a pegasus filly.

"What do you want?" the filly demanded.

"My friend has been injured in an accident. I need you to lead me to the hospital immediately."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"You to go in the right direction."

"Hehehe..."

"..."

"..."

"DAMN IT ALL! SHOW ME WHERE THE HOSPITAL IS!" She jumped at my sudden turn and curled up in a ball, tears in her eyes. "*sigh* Just point in the right fucking direction." she pointed, "Good. Thank you for your help." I walked off in the indicated direction, arriving quickly at the intended location.

I soon found a nurse and caught her attention, "Get me a doctor quickly, my friend is injured." the nurse dashed off to find the nearest physician. When the doctor arrived he quickly called a trolley-bed, on which I gently lay Twilight.

"What happened?" asked the doctor.

"I don't know. There was an explosion and I found her unconscious in the smoke. I fear there may be shrapnel in the wound."

"Okay thank you. You did the right thing bringing her here."

"Thank you for helping her." he nodded before pushing the bed and calling various commands to the nurses. I paid them no heed instead watching Twilight, praying with my entire being for her welfare. A few minutes later a frantic orange mare accompanied by three other mares, and Pinkie, rushed in. "Well look who finally showed up," I said bitterness seeping into my voice, "and you brought friends too."

"Just who do you think you are?" demaned a white mare with an over stylised purple mane and three diamonds as a Cutie Mark.

"I'm the guy that pulled Twilight from the smoking wreck of whatever she was doing. I'm the one that carried her here!" I retorted, "I didn't abandon her when she needed help!" The orange mare look enraged by my accusation.

"Ah don't like yer tone none," she said snorting

"I don't like people that run off instead of helping their friends!" I said angrily.

"Hey!" yelled a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane, "Nopony speaks to my friends like that!"

"Oh and I suppose you'll try to hurt me if I do." At my remark she shot straight at me. Time seemed to slow down as my body moved of its own accord sliding to the side and whirling, smashing a hoof into the mare's shoulder. As she slammed into the wall I was lifted into the air by an invisible force, which turned me to face the white unicorn.

"Didn't your mother teach you to never hit a mare?" she said indignantly.

"I don't know my mother," I said levelly, "or my father or my siblings, if I even have any."

"Oh my, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories!" she apologised, setting me down.

I tried to stop myself laughing aloud but failed miserably, "Ahahaha. Oh if only I were so lucky," I saw the looks on their faces and explained my outburst, "Memories, even painful ones, are better than none at all."

"N-none a-at all?" asked a pale cream pegasus with a pink mane and three butterfies as a Cutie Mark.

"Only my name."

"And that is?" queried the white unicorn.

"Jericho Burn. May I be so bold as to ask yours in return?"

"You may call me Rarity." stated the the snowy mare.

"Ah'm Applejack," put the orange earth-pony simply.

"And your name is?" I said turning to the yellow pegasus.

"I'm Fluttershy." she mumbled shying away.

"Nice to meet you." I spoke gently, turning to the others.

"I'm Rainbow Dash, the best flier in Equestria!" boasted the cyan mare, once again upright.

"Uhuh, whatever you say."

"I'm -" started Pinkie.

"Pinkie Pie, I know we've already met, twice."

"You're the big mean meanie-pants that threw me into a shelf!" she cried out in realisation.

"No I'm the guy that found you standing over me in my sleep, twice."

"Sorry 'bout that sugarcube, Pinkie here's a mite different than most."

"I noticed."

*AKWARD SILENCE*

"Soooo... How did you meet Twilight?" asked Rarity eventually.

"She helped me out of a hole I was in."

"Oh?" she said looking at me with curiosity, "And what kind of hole would that be?"

"The one in the square."

"Huh?" said the five mares simultaneously.

"*sigh* When I first woke up I was in the crater in the town square."

"Ooohhhh!" they cried in perfect synchrony.

As quiet threatend re-take its place the doctor walked in. "How is she?" I asked beating the others to it.

"She'll be fine in a day or two. In fact she's awake if you want to see her." The girls all rushed toward the door.

"Wait!" I called, stopping them, "We should go one at a time so as not to cause her any undue stress. I will go first, when I return I will choose who goes next."

"How come you get to go first?" demanded Rainbow.

"Because otherwise you'd waste time arguing," I said.I raised my hoof as they opened their mouths to respond, "Don't deny it, you can't decide amongst yourselves who goes first. So I took the decision away." I turned to the doctor, "Lead the way," I said gesturing to the door.

Author's Note

Here's the second chapter. As always let me know your thoughts. Now with revised formatting and grammar!

Patients, Party-cannons and Pinkie's room

Twilight sat in her hospital bed nursing her injured head. "How do you feel?" I asked walking up to the bed.

"Like I got hit in the head. Last I remember I was in my lab," she replied.

"What were you working on?" I inquired.

“I was trying to increase the power of the memory spell I used on you yesterday. I thought that if I made it stronger then maybe I could restore all your memories!”

“You didn't have to-"

"Yes I did-" huffed Twilight.

"What I was saying was that you didn't have to explode." I said, interrupting her.

"Oh ha ha," she retorted sarcastically. Twilight picked up a pillow with her magic and threw it at me. I quickly dodged it.

"Missed me," I called chuckling. "Try again." Twilight once again hefted the pillow and hurled it at me. I side-stepped the pillow and blinked twice, shifting my vision into the magic spectrum. I watched Twilight's aura light up and saw three beams arc from her horn, I traced each to where it ended, finding pillows at each end, though none were lifted.
"Three against one eh?" I smirked, "That's hardly fair." Twilight's jaw dropped.

"What? How did you know?" she asked gaping at me.

"I can see magic. Is that unusual?"

"Unusual? It's completely impossible!"

"Excuse the intrusion, but your friends outside are starting to cause a disturbance, sir," said the doctor walking into the room.

"Oh for the love of sanity! They couldn't wait five bloody minutes could they? *sigh* Fine I'll go deal with them," I turned to Twilight, "I'll be back shortly."

The moment I stepped into the hospital's foyer I was surrounded by four very agitated mares and Pinkie. I held up a hoof, "Before any of you say anything, Twilight is fine, but if you don't settle down I'll ask security to escort you out, and Pinkie, if you don't put the fucking cannon away I'll use it on you."

"Okay!" Pinkie cried chirpily rolling the cannon over to me and pointed it at herself, "Fire away!"
I cocked a brow and pulled the trigger. *BOOM* *THUD* I saw the cannon spew confetti and other party items before I collapsed, feeling like all the energy had been drained from my body.

When I woke again the sun was setting. I lifted a hoof to my head to nurse the searing pain that erupted, stopping when I felt a sticky substance, I lowered my hoof to examine the stuff, it was a slick white goo. "THIS HAD BETTER BE FUCKING ICING!"

I felt a light tugging at my left foreleg, I looked down to see a needle attached to a tube connected to a bag of some pink substance. I looked around and, seeing everything in the room was pink, from the lamp-shades, to the bed sheets, the door-handle, I called out, "Also, why, in the name of anything that makes sense, am I in Pinkie's room?"

"How did you know you're in my room?" asked Pinkie from under the bed.

"Everything is hellishly pink, for one thing, and most of the stuff in here is party related, for another," I answered sitting up. "Now that I've answered your question, you must answer mine."

"This's the only place we could get enough icing!" Pinkie pointed at the bag of pink 'stuff'.

"And why the fuck do I need icing to be pumped into me?"

"Oops, did I forget to mention that my Party Cannon is powered by the user's blood sugar?" Pinkie looked at me sheepishly.

"For the love-I was about to say 'for the love of sanity', but sanity has nothing to do with this infernal situation, but at least you weren't watching me sleep, Pinkie," I said.

"Oh, but I was!"

I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and spoke, "Pinkie I want you to listen to me, okay?"

"I'm listening, Jerry-Jam!"

"I need you to promise never to watch anyone sleeping after this, if you break this promise I will permanently revoke your party license, do you understand?"

"Okie-dokie-Loki!"

"Good. Now I have a promise to keep, so if you don't mind I need to get out of here," I said pulling out the icing IV, "also could you grab a towel to wipe my face with?"

"Here you go!" she chirped throwing a towel onto my face.

"Thanks," I said wiping the icing off my face.

"Hey Pinkie! Are you home?" came a voice I recognized.

I facehoofed, "Not this useless moron again!"

A smile spread across my features as a plan formed in my mind. "Pinkie, let him in, then bring him up here, okay?"
"Sure!"

I hid behind the door as Pinkie and Twilight's pet reptile walked into the room. I shut the door behind them before speaking up, "Hello again, whelp. I see you still are not at Twilight's side. That's... disappointing."

His entire body tensed as he turned to face me, hate burning in his reptilian eyes.

" YOU! " he screamed.

"Me."

" YOU EVIL, TWISTED, SICKO! "

"Oh, now what brought about this outburst?" I asked mockingly.

" YOU, YOU SABOTAGED HER EXPERIMENT! YOU NEARLY KILLED TWILIGHT! "

"And what," I growled, "makes you think I would hurt the only one I give a single flying fuck about?"

I kicked my self onto my hind-legs as he charged at me with a roar. As he approached I pirouetted, kicking out with a hoof, and hit him hard in the head sending the reptile sailing into a wall.

" RAAAAGGGHHH. "

I flipped my forelegs out, extending blades that were concealed by my suit.

"Have it your way then. You want a fight? WELL COME AND GET IT!" I yelled.

I leapt into the air as the blades started glowing. I spun, slashing with the blades, as the glow consumed me.
I fell to the floor, screaming in pain, as I felt my body change. My hooves softened and split, forming prehensile appendages. Bones lengthened and reformed, my spine snapped and cracked, my face contorted into something new, my muzzle sliding back into my skull. My coat and tail withdrew into my skin. I opened my eyes as the pain began to subside. I saw Twilight's reptilian waste of space staring at me with hatred and fear, two long slashes crossing his chest. I felt my mind slowing as I fought unconsciousness.

"I... win..." I said, finally slipping from reality.

Author's Note

Here you go, the third chapter! As always let me know what you think.

The Bet

As awareness returned, again, (I'm getting sick of this) I felt hooves, accompanied by the voice of Fluttershy, "Oh I hope the poor thing's alright, it would be absolutely terrible if it's in pain!"

"Whoever's touching me, stop," I said grouchily, not opening my eyes.

"Eeep!" yelped Fluttershy, "I'm so very sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!"

"Good to hear. Now, Fluttershy, do me one favor and tell me what happened to me this time."

"Oh well, um... Spike-"

"Who, in the Actual Fucking Hell, is Spike?" I demanded, halting Fluttershy's explanation.

"H-He's Twilight a-a-assistant!"

"Let me guess, he's a small purple and green reptile, right?" I asked, cursing internally as she confirmed my suspicion.

"Why do you want to know about Spike?" came a second voice, one I couldn't identify.

"Oh, you know, just making sure I didn't kill him and all. Those cuts I gave him were pretty nasty. But, enough about that useless fool, who are you, mysterious voice?"

"You may address me as Princess Celestia," said the voice.
"Oh wonderful! I've caught the attention of royalty!" I said, layering on the sarcasm, "What do you want of me your majesty?"

"I came to assess whether you pose a threat to my little ponies," answered the regal voice of Celestia.

"And what has your assessment yielded?" I smirked, opening my eyes. All I saw was black, " Blindfold? Cute ," I thought to myself. I blinked twice and everything turned a brilliant blue. I turned my head and spotted two auras, one was was pale yellow, " Fluttershy ," I thought, the other was larger and golden, " I figure that's the Princess ."

I tried to sit up but felt a strap across my chest, I pushed out harder and felt the strap give out.

Both Fluttershy and the Princess gasped and stepped back as I freed myself of my restraints. I watched Celestia step forward as I swung my legs off the bed. Time slowed down as I darted around the beam of her magic, I curled my fingers instinctively and swung my arm, stopping my fist millimeters from her face. I saw fear and horror in her as I withdrew my fist,

"What do my actions say about me?" I smirked, removing my blindfold.

"They tell me that you are dangerous if threatened, and that you have the ability to stop yourself going too far."
I looked at my new appendages, "These fingers of mine are quite interesting aren't they?" I said, tapping my forefinger with my thumb. Fire erupted from my palm, "AAAAAGGGHHH! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY AM I ON FIRE?" I cried out, waving my hand maniacally. The fire flickered out and I examined my hand not feeling any burns, "Weird, I haven't been burned by the fire. I wonder... " I muttered, tapping my forefinger with my thumb. Once again fire flared in the palm of my hand, but this time I didn't panic, instead I focused on the flame, trying to control it. I felt energy being drawn from the air into the flame.

"H-How are you doing that?" Celestia asked, both herself and Fluttershy gaping at the flickering flame in my hand.

"I have no idea!" I said with childish glee.

"C-Could y-you please put i-it o-out, i-if y-you d-don't m-m-mind?" Fluttershy begged cowering.

I flicked my wrist and extinguished the flame, "There we go!" I said brightly.

"Come with me," demanded Celestia.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Well then, I'm right behind you!" I grinned stupidly and followed the Princess out the door.

I followed Celestia through the streets, smirking at the reactions of the ponies we passed. As we walked I spotted movement in the shadows, suddenly from the shadow burst a pony with a teal coat, pale green mane and yellow eyes. I was so surprised by this that I didn't move until she tackled me to the ground. "Omigosh omigosh omigosh! A human! An actual human!"

"Get off me please," I asked, slowly lifting my hand to the side of her head.

"Oh-oh-oh-oh, what instruments can you play? What's it like on two legs? Omigosh! You have actual fingers!" she giggled like a child in a confectionery store, ignoring my request.

"STOP TALKING!"

"Oh, right, sorry," she said with a more subdued, sheepish tone.

"Good. Now get off me before I burn your face off."

"Huh?"

"You have to the count of five to remove yourself from my person, after which, I burn your face until it falls off," I deadpanned.

"How would you even do that?" she asked, not moving.

"One." I lit a flame in my hand. The mare gaped at the fire.

"Two." I pushed energy into the fire making it glow brighter.

"Three." I pointed my hand out as fire shrouded it.

"Enough," said Celestia, "Lyra get off the poor human."

The mare climbed off me and I was soon on my feet again.

"Thanks for that," I said, earning a cold glare from the Princess.

"If you ever threaten one of my subjects like that again..." she said, her voice bitter and icy.

"What'll you do? Lock me in a hole where I'll never see the sun? No, you'll banish me to the Moon! Or, even worse, you'll make me listen to your sanctimonious 'holier than thou' act forever!" at my final comment I burst out laughing.
I felt magic grip my neck and lift me off the ground. I closed my eyes, dropped my smile and yelled to the town, "Go ahead Celestia, kill me, prove to your precious subjects that you're not the benevolent ruler they obviously think you are!"

"That's not what I do, execution is not something I ever permitted."

"Then put me down and prove to me that you're too weak to deal with an actual threat to your people!" I yelled not at her, but at the ponies in earshot, then I lowered my voice and looked at Celestia, "Or, you can take the third option."

"What would that be?" she asked.

"A wager," I said a smile crept onto my face.

"What are the conditions of this bet?"

"If I can beat your greatest champion, you leave me to do as I please," I gave a cocky grin.

"And should you lose?" she asked with skepticism.

"I submit to whatever you want to do with me," I said, shrugging casually. "And, seeing as I set the challenge, your champion may choose the where,when and weapon. Until such a time as your champion selects the conditions of our engagement, I will stay as a guest in your castle with all its facilities at my disposal. So then, do we have a deal?"

"Yes, I accept your terms. We shall depart immediately," Celestia decreed and released her magic.

"First, my dear Princess, I have some things to retrieve."

"Very well, go fetch whatever you must, then meet me at the train station. Just don't hurt anypony."

"You got it ma'am," I said with a salute.

I turned and ran off toward the tree near the center of Ponyville. I had to slow down to a walk as I near the town square as a large crowd had gathered there. I walked through the crowd with relative ease due to most ponies moving out of my way as I approached. As I neared the edge of the horde of ponies, I was intercepted by a cyan mare with a rainbow mane. "What do you want, Rainbow Dash?"

"Wha- How did you know my name, freak?" she asked.

"We've met."

"I would remember meeting you."

"Apparently not. We met shortly after I took Twilight to the hospital. You attacked me and I defened myself. Ring a bell?"

"J-Jericho?"

"Hi," I grinned and waved.

"What happened?"

"No idea. Now, I have to go, so if you'd excuse me."

"But-"

"Not now."

"You're -"

"I did say I have to go, right?"

"That-"

"Move. Now." I stepped forward, pushed her out my way and continued toward the library.

"Rude much?" called Rainbow.

"Don't care!" I retorted as I continued toward the library.

I walked up to the door in the side of the tree. Reaching down, I opened the door and stepped inside. Walking through the library I picked up the sound of cooking coming from another room, "Hello? Anyone home?" I asked.

"Just a minute!" called Spike. Fuck.

I sat on one of the couches and decided to try and figure out how my flames work. I ignited a small fire in my palm and looked into its magic. I saw different streams of magic pour into my forefinger and through the bones to my palm where they converged, forming a single stream that fueled the fire. I examined my finger at the point the magic gathered and saw a rune carved into the bone. I looked at the other bones in my hand and saw different symbols carved in each. I put out the flame in my palm and tapped the tip of my middle finger. From nowhere a ball of water formed in my palm, I flicked my wrist to dissipate the liquid, but only succeeded in dropping it onto the floor with a resounding splat. I ignored the new puddle and tapped my ring-finger, causing a sphere of rock to form above my palm. I slowly curled my fingers, watching the earthen sphere shrink and disappear, "So that's how to do that," I thought.

Before I had a chance to further test my abilities Spike walked into the room,"AAAHG! What the hay are you?" he yelled, "Twi, there's a monster in the foyer!"

"I'm not a monster, you idiot. I'm simply here to collect a few things and then I'll be gone, okay?"

"I'd better check with Twilight first," said Spike.

"Please make it quick, I have a deal with an extraordinarily sanctimonious member of royalty that I must keep."

"O...Kay, um, I'll be right back," the scaly moron said, bolting off to find Twilight.

A few minutes later Twilight walked into the room, "Hello there, welcome to Gold- AAAGH!"

I face-palmed and quickly said, "One: I'm not a monster. Two: I''m here to fetch some stuff. Three: Your assistant is the biggest idiot ever. Now, unto more logical pursuits!"

"Huh, buh... Wah?"

"Wow, you must have hit your head harder than originally thought!"

"I'm sorry sir! It's just that you surprised me! Now, how may I help you?"

"Do you know my name?"

"No. Why?"

"No reason. Back to business, I'm here to fetch some things a friend of mine left here a few days ago."

"What did he leave?" asked Twilight.

"He left the following: A blue utility vest, a harness made of some complex alloy, and some boots."

"I'll go have a look for you, okay?"

"Sure, whatever, just make it quick. I have a royal appointment to keep, after all."

"Of course!" she said, bolting off.

I turned to Spike, "Hey do you have a towel or something?"

"Why?" he asked.

"I appear to have spilled some water on the floor," I said with a straight face.

"I'll be right back!" he dashed off.

"Dumbass," I muttered.

A few minutes later Twilight walked back into the room carrying my gear with her magic, "Is this Jericho's stuff?"
I looked it over, "Yup, that's the gear," I said, taking the items. "Thanks."

"Um..."

"Yes?" I said offhandedly.

"What's your name?"

"I'll let you decide that for yourself," I turned to the front door.

"Okay then," she said, confused.

*WHACK*

"Ow! Low, sanity-damned, doors!" I said, clutching my face.

"Are you okay!"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Twilight sighed with relief, "That's good."

I stooped under the stupidly low door-frame, stepped onto the street and took off running. Seeing the crowd in the square, I looked around, spotted some barrels stacked against a wall and climbed onto the roof of the pub. I sprinted along the rooftops, jumping across the gaps, until I found Celestia. I dropped from the rooftop and walked up behind the Princess,

"Okay then! Let's be on our way, shall we?"

"Very well, touch me."

"I'd rather we'd had at least one 'date' first, but if you're that eager..." I smirked as Celestia's face turned true vermilion, "Or at the very least ask my name first."

"What are you implying?" she asked, glowering.

"Nothing, I'm only responding to your request!"

She face-hoofed, "That's not what I meant! I need physical contact for teleportation!"

I grinned, "Well," I said, resting my hand on her shoulder, "in that case, take us away, Celestia!"

A flash of light later and I was standing in a massive hall with some very scared ponies staring at me, I grinned, "Haha! Thank you for arranging some lunch for me," I licked my lips hungrily, "and so large a feast too! I am very grateful!" I sprang toward the crowd sending ponies scattering in the direction of the doors, I growled at a few ponies passing me as the room emptied. I slammed the door shut as the last pony ran through, looked at the Princess, and collapsed in a fit of laughter, "Did you see their faces! That was so fucking brilliant! I can't believe it worked!" I looked up as a shadow loomed over me, there stood Princess Celestia, a small smile twitching at the corners of her mouth, "I'm sorry, Princess, but I couldn't resist! Admit it that was fucking hilarious! Ow, my ribs hurt."

"Are you alright?" concern washed over Celestia's smile.

"I'm fine, I just laughed too hard, is all."

I heard the doors slam open accompanied by a deafening yell, "WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE? SISTER THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER MORONIC PRANK!" this only made me laugh harder.

"This is no prank on my part, Luna," replied Celestia earnestly. "This is all his doing," she pointed a hoof at me.

I stopped laughing and tensed as I felt magic grip me, "If you don't put me down I'll make your existence unbearably miserable," I said, the edge in my voice sharp enough to cut steel, "and trust me when I say that you don't want me to get angry." I snapped my arms and legs from the magic. I felt the magic recede as its wielder dealt with the backlash. I stood and turned to face a faded navy mare with a starry black ethereal mane, "Princess Luna, I presume?"

Author's Note

Here you go! Sorry for the delay, I caught a nasty case of 'Writer's Block' and literally lost the plot!