What's Wrong With A Little Shipping?
“Well, this is utterly boring. I'm the embodiment of Chaos! I should be out wreaking some form of havoc.”
High up on the balcony of a tall tower sat a bored Discord, his head resting on his hands with his back hunched over the edge while his legs dangled out. Ever since the time he was reformed by Fluttershy, he has been using his powers for good.
Well, most of the time.
However, when he was unable to use it to do the many things he loved to do with his chaos because of his being reformed, it lead him to unleash a tiny bit of harmless magic out of habit. He could remember the fun little time he switched Celestia and Luna’s manes and tails, or even the time he tricked Luna into getting drunk. One of his favorites was provoking Philomena into attacking at least five Royal Guards. Oh, fun times were had.
But this put Discord on the edge. Celestia couldn’t stand to see him cause more of this. It was why she had Fluttershy reform him in the first place. He had to admit, he was getting a little out of hand with the practical jokes. But what else was he to do?
His eyes scanned over the land of Equestria, eyeing various landscapes and cities in the distance. He still laughed from the things that happened a thousand or so years ago, before he was encased in stone the first time. But things changed over time, so many of the things he saw were a bit new to him, just like Princess Luna after her return.
His ears perked up when he heard hoofsteps clopping on the floor behind him, approaching his form on the balcony. Discord turned his head slightly to see Princess Celestia appear as regal as ever.
“Good morning, Discord. Have you had a good sleep?” the alabaster alicorn asked with a sincere tone.
“Oh, it’s just fine Princess,” he answered in a dreary voice. “Just that I’ve been rather out of ideas for anything interesting to do here. And only because I can't do things like this without you getting mad at me...”
He snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. Celestia waited, but she didn't see anything. “Nothing happened.”
He smirked deviously, anticipating the response he would hear in a few seconds. “Just you wait, Princess. You'll see in three, two, one...”
“DISCORD!” yelled Princess Luna from the other side of the castle in her Royal Canterlot Voice. It was then that Discord burst into laughter at the thought of what happened to the Night Princess. It wasn't until three more seconds later that she appeared into the room, glaring directly at the draconequus.
Princess Celestia was shocked to see what had happened. Princess Luna looked perfectly fine, but one thing stood out: she was now bald.
“Discord, I demand you replace my mane this instant, or you shall face my wrath the likes of which you've never seen!” As she yelled that, her horn glowed fiercely, which she tempted to point straight at Discord. He was too busy laughing to pay attention to a word Luna said, and even Celestia herself tried to suppress a giggle from the ridiculous look her younger sister was presenting.
Once he calmed down, Discord wiped a tear from his eye. “Oh Luna, I haven't done that trick in ages! I must admit, I had a good laugh from it, and I can see Tia was going to as well.”
He raised an eyebrow at the elder alicorn, who blushed slightly from being caught. Luna was still glaring at him, intent on causing pain if he did not give her back her mane.
Celestia coughed to get Discord's attention, and gave him a stern look. “Seriously Discord, give her back her mane. You know Luna doesn't like it when you mess with her like that.”
“Well, excuse me for wanting to have a bit of harmless fun,” he replied as he snapped his fingers. With a mystical glowing, Luna's ethereal mane reappeared, its beautiful representation of the night sky flowing without a care.
The midnight blue alicorn rolled her eyes as she walked away, opening the door with her magic. “Still as immature as ever. Now, if you two shall excuse me, I have something to return to.”
With that, she exited the room, but slammed the door closed instead of delicately like Celestia expected. Discord crossed his arms at her attitude. “She can really be a sourpuss sometime. She needs to lighten up and get that stick out of her flank.”
“Discord...” Celestia rubbed her temple with one of her hooves. “If anything, you must control yourself. Try to be nice. Show a little compassion and understanding. That's what Fluttershy did with you, didn't she?”
Discord had no argument against that. He hated to admit when Celestia was right, but she was. It wasn't until he realized being arrogant didn't earn him everything he wanted. He learned that from the kind yellow pegasus.
He sighed in defeat. “You're right, Celestia. I shouldn't have done that to your sister, and I'm truly sorry.”
“It's alright, Discord. Perhaps you can talk to her later and make up? I'm sure she's willing to forgive you, though it might take some effort. Luna isn't exactly the one to take jokes lightly.”
“You got that right.” He snapped his fingers again, and a large couch appeared behind him, which he laid down upon with his arms behind his head. “What am I supposed to do then if I can't do things like that, hmm?”
“Try to find something else to do,” Celestia suggested as she turned her back to Discord, facing the door. “Perhaps you could go out into the fields and enjoy nature, or fancy a stroll out in the garden. Or you could take up reading. I must get started on my duties, so I'll see you later.”
She used her magic to open up the door, and left Discord in the barren room by himself. He huffed as he stretched himself out, laying his back over and bending it over the back of the couch while looking upside down toward the balcony.
“Enjoy nature, she says. Fancy a stroll out in the garden, she says. Take up reading, she says.”
As he continued to look out into the open air, thoughts of Ponyville came rushing into his mind. Shortly after he was reformed, he spent a bit of time with each of the six ponies, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Oh, how such great friends they were together. How they could be so close...
And then, a thought came into his mind, and he smirked a toothy grin. It was a plan so sinister and devious, it would've been hilarious just to think about it. He stood from his seat and walked over to the balcony, looking out in the distance in the direction of Ponyville. Binoculars appeared in his hands before he looked into them.
Unlike ordinary binoculars, these ones allowed the draconequus to look through buildings and see what exactly ponies were doing. He focused his sights between Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy as he chuckled maniacally.
“Oh, Discord's going to have fun today! And what better way than to mess with the lives of the ponies down there?” he chuckled as he snapped his fingers once more, and a book appeared in his paw.
It looked just like any other book, but it was relatively thinner than most, not meant for a large collection of text. If a pony were to see it, they would guess it to be about only one hundred pages long. When Discord opened the book, the pages were blank. Not a single page had any text or illustrations in them.
“This is going to be perfect. Celestia said to take up reading. Well, I'm taking up writing instead, but with an added twist... whatever I write becomes real and true!”
He leaned back as a moderately-sized chair appeared behind him, to which he sat upon. A quill materialized in the air, as well as an ink bottle. Once the feather had been dipped inside, he hovered it above the first page of the book, only to keep it there for a few seconds.
“Wait, what am I going to write about? Let's look at them again, see what they're up to.”
He peered through the glass of the binoculars once again, searching throughout Ponyville for any one of the six ponies again. The first one of the six her spotted was a familiar bouncing pink pony making her way toward Sweet Apple Acres.
“Oh, the ecstatic Pinkie Pie. Whatever could you be up to?” he asked himself as he focused his attention to the farm ahead. As he looked through the barn, he could see an orange mare with a stetson hat standing next to a table with many mugs on top. They seemed to be filled with some sort of brown liquid while foam topped each wooden cup.
“Cider, I'm guessing? Let me guess, they are going to get drunk off of cider.” Then, an idea clicked in Discord's mind. “That's perfect. Get them drunk, then perhaps some sweet, sweet bonding.”
He started to write, brushing the quill against the paper as he wrote out his story about the two earth pony mares. A floating screen emerged in front of the chaotic writer, displaying the events that were about to unfold.
It showed Pinkie Pie as she was bouncing along toward Sweet Apple Acres, her hoof waving at the other residents of Ponyville as she delivered a “Hi!” to each pony. As she was bouncing along, a small sprinkle of magic dust appeared in front of her eyes, which made her stop.
She blinked as she scrunched her snout, tilting her head in confusion. “What was that?”
She sniffed the air in front of her in curiousness. After coming to the conclusion that she was just seeing things, she just waved a hoof. “Probably nothing! Now onto Sweet Apple Acres!”
She continuously hopped her way towards her destination. Meanwhile, Discord was chuckling while writing down every single detail of his work. “Oh, you don't know how wrong you are, you little pink bundle of joy and happiness. With Discord, it's never nothing.”
Inside the barn, the orange earth pony mare opened the large doors before stepping out into the heat of the sunlight. She removed her hat from her head with her right hoof, and fanned herself with it, letting out an exasperated breath.
“Whew, is it blazin' out here this morning!” Applejack declared as she looked up at the clear sky, not a cloud in sight. “Ah hope Pinkie gets here in a jiffy. Those cider mugs ain't gonna drink themselves, and we got a bet to settle.”
She figured she might as well snack on an apple while she waited. She trotted over to an apple tree somewhere near the barn after she replaced her stetson. She turned around so that she faced away from the tree, and kicked out a single back hoof, which struck the tree with a mighty force.
While the tree's branches and leaves shook, a small amount of magic dust appeared in front of her eyes. She blinked her eyes as the odd phenomenon that just occurred before an apple dropped from the tree and onto her head, plopping onto the ground below.
“Woah, what the hay was that?” she questioned as she looked around for anything suspicious. She narrowed her eyes, expecting some unicorn to come out from behind another tree. She didn't hear nor see anypony around the immediate vicinity. She scratched her head in confusion at the thought, wondering if she was just seeing things.
“Well, wasn't that just weird. Ah could've sworn Ah saw something...”
She just shrugged it off as nothing as she faced the open gate for her pink friend. Discord, on the other hand, was enjoying himself already.
“Oh, Applejack. Always trying to make sense of things,” he shook his head in disapproval before smirking deviously. “What fun is there in making sense? I know I say that a lot, but really. There's no real point of order without a little chaos, now is there? Even if this isn't so much as chaos as it is bending the characters of the story to your will.”
As he said that, two small figures of Applejack and Pinkie Pie were being twisted, turned and bendt in front of him. “I don't mean this literally of course. That would make me the worst living being in Equestria, because they would just look weird, and I'd hate to have them end up in the hospital.”
The rather disturbing thought occurred in Discord's mind before he quickly brushed it off and focused back on his writing.
Applejack chewed on the apple she bucked off the tree earlier as she waited, eager to get started on the bet she had proposed to Pinkie. Soon, she saw the hyperactive pink mare approach the entrance, her puffy magenta mane and tail bouncing up and down as well.
“Hiya, Applejack!” Pinkie greeted as she bounced through the entrance right up to the applebucking mare, an excited smile plastered on her face.
“Mornin' Pinkie Pie!” Applejack greeted back. “Ah take it you're ready to settle our bet? Ah've been waitin' for ya.”
“You bet!” Pinkie answered as she threw her hooves up in the air with a giggle afterward. “I've been looking forward to this all day yesterday, all night last night, and all morning today!”
“Calm down now, sugarcube,” reassured the cowpony as she turned towards the barn, taking another bite of her red delicious apple. “Ah got everything set up inside for us, so whenever you're ready...”
Before she could finish her sentence, Pinkie rushed inside. Applejack held onto her hat as the dust left in Pinkie's wake built up around the orange mare, making her cough a bit. “Woah, slow down there, girl! No need to be rushin'.”
She made her way inside, where she already spotted Pinkie with a mug in her hoof, looking like she was going to down the drink in an instant. Before she could, Applejack pulled a rope out of nowhere and lassoed the mug out of Pinkie's hoof, swinging it over to herself and catching it in her own hoof.
“Hey, I was going to drink that!” Pinkie spat with disappointment.
“Oh, no ya don't. No cheating before the competition begins. This has to be a fair contest.” Applejack started walking back to the table. “If y'all cheat, ya lose by default. Got it?”
“Yeah... so when do we start? I'm tempted to take on five of these right now!” Pinkie picked up yet another mug, but waited for Applejack's answer.
“Ah was gonna say in a few minutes, but right now wouldn't hurt, Ah suppose. Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom are out workin' the fields if ya haven't seen them comin' in. Ah already handled most of the work in the past two days, so it was time Ah got my well-deserved break.”
“Sounds tough. Say, you don't mind one free drink before we start, do ya? I kinda want to get that starting zest of the cider before we get to the real thing.” Pinkie grinned while staring into the mug full of the delicious apple cider.
“Sure, why not? Ah guess it wouldn't hurt none to take a little drink first.”
Once Applejack nodded her head, both mares lifted their mugs to their muzzles and started to ingest the refreshing liquid. Things were just getting started between the two earth ponies, but to Discord who was watching through the magic window, this was going to get very, very interesting.
“Oh, you two don't know what you're really going to get into. But soon, you'll see. Now to make it happen!” He scribbled more into the book, already having filled up five whole pages, and starting to write on the sixth.
After downing the first drinks, Applejack and Pinkie let out exasperated breath, enjoying the delicious beverage. Pinkie licked her lips clean of the cider, finishing with with a satisfied “Mmm! This stuff is the best!”
“It's the Apple family's all-natural cider you're drinkin' there, pardner!” Applejack replied with a wink. “We make nothing but the best when it comes to makin' fresh apple cider.”
“I'd bet on that! Speaking of bets, we ready to start now?”
“As long as you remember the terms of the bet. You do remember, don't ya?”
“Of course! If you outlast me, I'll have to help you out with chores here in Sweet Apple Acres. But, if I outlast you, you have to do the most random things I can think of for a week, and you can't refuse any one of those things!”
Suddenly, Discord stopped writing. “Did that just pop into my mind?”
He stared out into space for a moment, contemplating the use of words there. “I suppose it works for her. I mean, she is the hyperactive one, isn't she? And whatever she does is always random.”
He tapped his chin in thought as he looked up at the bright morning sky, his claw brushing against his goatee. “Oh, whatever. When life gives them an interesting bet, make the bet even more interesting! Hmm...”
He sat there in thought as he continued staring at the two ponies standing before the table. “This is going to drag on a bit. Let's skip forward before this gets any more boring.”
As soon as he snapped his fingers, what appeared on the screen started to speed up by twenty times the normal speed. One by one, Pinkie Pie and Applejack were gulping down mugs of cider as fast as Rainbow Dash could go while pulling off a Sonic Rainboom. It was quite a hilarious sight to see, Discord had to admit.
After about five minutes, or fifteen seconds to the draconequus, time returned to normal. By now, Applejack and Pinkie Pie had ingested about twenty cups of cider each, and were slurring about with dizzying steps. Pinkie was giggling for no reason, and Applejack was having trouble standing in one place.
“Whew... givin' up yet, Pinkie?” she managed to get out, though her voice slipped up a bit.
“Giving up? I'm just getting star...” Before she could finish, the pink mare suddenly bumped into Applejack, sending them both crashing down onto the barn floor.
Now is where it gets real... Discord thought to himself as he kept forcefully scratching the tip of the quill against the paper.
When the orange mare regained her sense, even if only slightly, she noticed that Pinkie’s body rested directly on top of her’s. The pink mare was giggling and snorting from their unfortunate fall.
“That was fun! Can we do it again?’ she asked, which caused Applejack to raise an eyebrow questionably.
“Aww, Pinkie... ya bumped into me. And you’re kinda pinnin’ me down.”
After Pinkie opened her eyes, she looked straight into Applejack’s, her green pupils glimmering from the light inside the barn. “Hey Applejack, did anypony ever tell you you had beautiful eyes?”
“”Umm, no... why ya ask?”
Suddenly, she felt Pinkie’s tongue lick against her snout, which made Applejack form a deep red blush on her cheeks. “Pinkie... what are ya doin’?”
The pink mare made a suggestive smirk, which caused Applejack to blink her eyes in confusion, having no idea what Pinkie was thinking. “Applejack, forget the bet. I wanna try something better than cider…”
She reached her head down, and her lips met Applejack’s. At first, the orange mare’s eyes widened in shock at the strange revelation that one of her best friends was kissing her, but after a few seconds, she started to sink into it. She closed her own eyes as she wrapped her arms around Pinkie’s neck, the sounds of their spit-swapping filling the quiet air inside the barn.
For about thirty whole seconds, both earth pony mares kept up their everlasting lip locking, their conscious minds overlooking the fact that they were clearly under the influence of the alcoholic beverage. Their unconscious minds, however, were taken by the effects of the drink, leading them up to their passionate moment.
After a few more seconds, both of them broke for air, gasping at how good their romantic kissing felt. They even gave each other “that” look; the kind of look two ponies gave each other when they wanted to go further into their intense pleasures.
“You thinkin’ what Ah’m thinkin’?” Applejack asked.
“Only if you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking.”
“Oh, we’re thinkin’ the same thought, alright. Let’s take this up a notch...”
They went straight back to kissing, their hooves trailing the other's body. They were feeling the deep pleasures of their act as their passionate moment grew even more intimate with each passing second. By this point, Discord was blushing at the sight before him. Even if he was causing this himself, he couldn't help but feel weirded out by this.
“Oh, they are some naughty ones, aren't they?” Discord chuckled to himself. “Almost makes me want to...”
His eyes widened when he found himself actually enjoying the actions, and not just seeing the sensual act itself. He could actually feel something odd in his nether regions, which deepened his blush further.
“Oh, no you don't. Discord is no pervert just because he's making two ponies mate out of their own control.” He snapped his fingers, and the appendage disappeared back to where it was once hidden.
“Ok, maybe a bit of a pervert, but who cares? This is more fun than anything I've ever done since being reformed!” He sighed at a realization. “Though, it won't last that long once I get bored of this. Guess I'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts-”
Just then, a knock was heard at the door. Discord turned his head, giving it an alarmed expression. He didn't want anypony knowing what he was doing unless he wanted to be trapped in stone yet again with no chance of bail. As he quickly snapped his fingers, the magic window disappeared from view.
The door opened to reveal Princess Celestia, a genuine smile on her face. Discord had some mindless chaos to tend to. Couldn't he get a break? “Hello again, Celestia. What brings you by again?”
“I would like to ask if you would like to join Luna and I in breakfast before I start my royal duties for the day. You wouldn't mind, would you? You don't seem busy, so this should be a good start to your day.”
Oh, you don't really know what I'm doing, Princess.
Before he could answer, she spotted the book in his hand, gazing at it curiously. “Discord, what's that you have there?”
“Oh, this?” he asked as he lifted the small book in front of himself. “It's nothing, really. Just a romance novel I found among a shelf here. Nothing special. Quite sappy once you read about the characters' situations and see just how dreadful and horrible the whole concept of love is.”
“I wouldn't take that to heart. Love is a very special thing that all ponies enjoy, and I'm sure the same can be applied to a draconequus.” Celestia winked at Discord, who just stared oddly at her.
“Not a chance, Celestia. I would rather give up all of my chaos-wreaking powers and hand them over to Pinkie Pie than take a chance at romance.” Discord crossed his arms, giving Celestia a serious look that confirmed his thoughts on the subject.
“Ooh...” she replied with a hint of understanding, much to her dismay. She already knew how troublesome Pinkie could be at times, what with her randomness and unpredictability. If she had Discord's god-like powers, she would be more terrified than when she faced off against Nightmare Moon. Equestria would be in ruins, and Celestia would just be frightened.
“Well, love is not for everypony. But to diverge away from an awkward conversation, please, join Luna and I for breakfast.”
“Alright, as long as you keep Princess Uptight in check,” he said with a raised brow, walking towards her.
“Don't worry. I'll make sure Luna stays calm. Just don't do anything to bother her.” She turned for the door and stepped through the large frame, the chaos god following behind.
Back in Sweet Apple Acres, just as Applejack was about to slip her hoof down to Pinkie's most sensitive area, another small pair of magic dust appeared in front of both mares' eyes, and they both came back to their senses. They opened their eyes to look at each other, only to widen their eyes in shock and realization. Pinkie hopped about ten feet away from Applejack, who quickly covered her intimate area with her hat. They both stared at each other with shrunk pupils, blushing madly for what seemed like minutes when only a few seconds had passed.
“We speak of this to nopony?” Applejack asked.
“Nopony... nopony at all...” replied Pinkie.
Applejack kept staring at Pinkie for a little while longer until she proceeded to get up from the floor of the barn. She replaced her stetson back on top of her head as she sighed. Pinkie stepped closer once she figured the orange mare had felt better.
“So, can we do it again?”
What's Wrong With A Little Shipping?
After a normal, yet seemingly interesting breakfast time with Princesses Celestia and Luna, the ever-lovable draconequus returned to his room within the tall tower, a smug grin on his face. Discord, no matter what, couldn’t manage to keep a straight face at the rather unfortunate events that occurred earlier at the royal dining table.
“Hah, oh that was rich! What did I tell Celestia? Her sister really needs to get that stick out her flank. Just makes playing with little Lulu all the more fun!” he cackled as he walked back to his seat perched on the balcony. “Seriously, it’s like she’s never heard of a joke in her long-lived life. It’s sad, really.”
As he sat down, leaning back comfortably upon the couch, he picked up the book once more. With a quick snap of his fingers, the magic window appeared once more. From what he could see, Pinkie Pie was now chasing Applejack around the barn, basically having fun as if playing a game of tag while the orange mare tried to keep her distance from the hyperactive Pinkie.
“Stay away from me, Pinkie!” Applejack yelled, jumping around behind haystacks in an attempt to avoid her pink assailant. “Ah don’t wanna do that again!”
“Come on, Applejack,” Pinkie pleaded as she kept up her chase on the cowpony, matching her exact movements. “It was getting good! I mean, I don’t know how we ended up that way, but it wasn’t a bad thing!”
“Ah said no, Pinkie!”
Discord blinked his eyes while watching the two ponies, who eventually ran out of the barn together. “What happened while I was gone? I thought they were getting to the main action. What a bore.”
He rubbed his forehead as he groaned in disappointment. “Oh well, guess I’ll just see who’s next on the list.”
In an instant, four picture frames replaced the space that the magic window took up. Each picture showed four other mares. The first was a brash-looking cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, her face expressing a vibe of bravery and heroism.
“Rainbow Dash, you tenacious speedster. Hmm, I never seen you as the loving type, but what do I care? This is just a one-time thing for my own amusement.”
Discord shrugged his shoulders and looked to the next frame. The next pony to be shown was an elegant white unicorn with a royally-styled hairstyle, striking a rather impressive pose.
“Rarity. Your beauty knows no bounds. And that can just make things easier when you are set up with one of the others. Can’t let your looks go to waste, now can we?”
The next frame showed a timid yellow pegasus with long, pink hair. From the view, she looked rather shy, hiding a bit behind her mane in a cute fashion.
“My little Fluttershy… the one to reform me in the first place. I must say, I should repay the favor for giving me your friendship. How about I set you up with a good friend? Trust me, you’d be much happier.”
As Discord said this, he traced the air with two fingers, forming a small red heart with a smaller profile of Fluttershy in it. It soon disappeared as he looked to the last frame with a coy smile.
In the last frame stood a proud lavender unicorn with dark blue hair adorned with purple and pink streaks. She was looking down at what looked like a book, signifying her love for them.
“And finally, Twilight Sparkle, the one pony bearing the strongest of the Elements of Harmony. I suppose I have you to thank as well for releasing me and giving me a chance like Fluttershy did. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have so much fun playing with the Princess of Boredom...”
Discord rolled his eyes. Sure enough, he could have sworn he heard a slight groan coming from somewhere in the castle, to which he snickered at.
He then placed his paw on his chin, pondering the options at his disposal. “Hmm… we have four more ponies here. A brash speedster, an elegant fashionista, a timid animal caretaker, and a geeky bookworm. Oh, the possibilities are endless!”
With a quick snap of his fingers, all four frames started to mix together, swirling around rapidly in a mini tornado in front of the draconequus. After a few seconds, they stopped and returned to their positions, but facing away from him so that he couldn’t see the four mares.
“Guess we’ll choose at random. Let’s see… let’s go for frame number one!”
The first frame turned around to reveal Twilight Sparkle, earning a raised eyebrow from Discord..
“Twilight, huh? Was kind of hoping she would be in the third pairing. Oh well. Let’s see who you shall be doing stuff with. Let’s try… number four!”
After the second and third frames faded from existence, the fourth frame revealed itself to Discord, earning yet another raised brow.
“Rarity? Well, how coincidental is it that the random selection chooses both unicorns?”
Suddenly, two small figures of the aforementioned ponies appeared in his hands, much like the same figures of the two earth ponies from earlier. Discord playfully bounced each figure around as if to pretend play with them.
“‘Oh, my dear Twilight, you’re looking fabulous today!’ ‘Oh, thank you, Rarity. You’re too kind.’ ‘Oh, you’re too smart.’ ‘You’re too beautiful.’ ‘Oh, anypony can be beautiful, dearest Twilight. I can show you.’”
Discord then pressed the muzzles of both ponies toward each other, making them kiss each other with actual kissing sounds being heard coming from them. He snickered from the silly, yet beautiful sight of the two toys making out with each other.
“Now that I think about it, these two will go perfect with each other!” the draconequus exclaimed in delight, but quiet enough so that nopony outside the room could hear him. He poofed back to his seat and fetched his binoculars, looking through the glass to find the two ponies.
Twilight was walking through the streets of Ponyville, noticeably away from Sweet Apple Acres, looking a bit distraught. “I wonder what was going on with Applejack and Pinkie Pie. It’s not a usual occurrence that Pinkie chases around Applejack for no reason. I’m just going to chalk it up to Pinkie just being Pinkie. She’ll stop soon.”
Discord laughed at Twilight’s words, knowing fully what she meant. “Oh, Twilight. You have no idea what went on between the two. Perhaps if you asked them... actually, it was a good thing you just left them. It’s just hilarious to know they’re still at it!”
A few more seconds of laughing like a hyena, and Discord calmed himself. “Alright, enough funny business. Time to get to loving, but first...”
He moved the binoculars around, spotting Rarity also walking through the town, but away from the path near the Everfree Forest. Her mane was ruffled a bit, which made the unicorn wince in disappointment.
“If only you knew how important your owner’s mane is to her, Opal darling…” she complained while holding part of her mane in one of her hooves. frowning at the dreadful sight. “It was so beautiful. At least Fluttershy doesn’t mind taking care of you. I must relax at home anyway. This was a long work week, and I am simply exhausted.”
Rarity raised a hoof to her forehead dramatically as she continued her way towards her home, the Carousel Boutique.
“Ok, not really sure what to do here,” Discord pondered as he tapped his hairy chin for a few seconds. He held the book in his hand, writing into it as the screen continued to focus on the white unicorn. “I’ll just try to find a way to make them attracted to each other. Applejack and Pinkie were easy to do. Doesn’t take much to get them two drunkenly aroused when cider is involved. But with Twilight and Rarity, it’s going to take a bit more to make both unicorns horny.”
Once he realized what he said, he burst into laughter at the hilarious pun he had just made. “Horny, oh how funny that is! Because unicorns have horns? I swear, it’s so easy to come up with puns like these.”
As Twilight was trotting her way down the road, she spotted Rarity not too far from her location. She changed the direction of her path as she walked up to the white mare.
“Hi, Rarity,” Twilight addressed, looking quite shocked at Rarity’s manestyle, but stifling a giggle at the same time. “Having a bad hair day?
“You could say that...” Rarity exhaled tiredly. “Opal’s been giving me a hard time this morning, but luckily Fluttershy didn’t mind taking care of her for the day. I am incredibly stressed out from this week’s events, so all I want is a day or two to rest.”
“What about Sweetie Belle? Shouldn't you look after her?”
“Applejack and I agreed to let her stay over at Sweet Apple Acres for the time being. She didn’t mind. I just hope my sister doesn’t cause trouble for them.”
“I’m sure she won’t. If you’re not going to be doing anything all day, how about I join you?”
Rarity rolled her eyes, looking back at her home, the Carousel Boutique. “Twilight dear, I’m trying to rest myself, not tire myself more.”
Twilight shook her head. “No no, I meant just spend time with you in Carousel Boutique. Even if you want rest, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be alone with Opalescence out.”
Rarity looked back at the lavender mare with a frown. “Oh no, I couldn’t impose on you to spend all day with me. I’m sure you’re rather busy with other things, and besides, you can’t leave Spike at the library alone by himself.”
“Oh, he’s not alone,” Twilight chuckled as she waved a hoof. “I had Owlowiscious watch over the library and Spike while I’m gone. Spike got a little envious when I didn’t pick him to watch over, but he’s been slacking off a bit more recently. So this way, I’ll know if he’s been doing what he needs to or not.”
“Oh. Well, that’s reassuring, I suppose...”
Discord grinned devilishly while he looked up at the magic window. “Now to let the book’s spell take effect.”
A small poof of magic dust appeared in front of Rarity’s eyes, which cleared away instantly. She blinked her eyes as she looked around frantically, earning a confused stare from Twilight.
“Rarity, what are you doing?” The studious mare asked in wonder.
“I could’ve sworn I saw something in front of my eyes…” Rarity blinked a few more times, just to be sure.”I must be more tired than I thought. Let us make haste to my home, please.”
“If you say so,” Twilight replied with a shrug. Both unicorns then started to make their way towards Carousel Boutique.
As soon as they entered the establishment, Rarity immediately plopped her figure onto her couch which was seemingly already in the middle of the room. Why it was already in the center instead of placed up against a wall where it wouldn’t get in the way of movement, Twilight didn’t know. And she’d be comfortable not finding out.
“Twilight, could you be a dear and fetch me something to drink? I just need to stretch my hooves for a bit.” Rarity then proceeded to carry out her stretching while Twilight rolled her eyes.
But she walked into the kitchen anyway and looked in the fridge, finding a few things varying from milk, apple juice, water, and even a few bottles of Dos Equine brand wine.
“Rarity drinks wine?” Twilight asked to nopony in particular. She was just staring at the bottles with curiosity for a few seconds.
And apparently, so was Discord.
“Well well well, looks like our little fashionista likes to get herself wasted sometimes. Who knows, maybe her little sister even tried some. She really needs to stash those somewhere private or something. Who wants to see a drunk filly?
He chuckled once more. “Ok, maybe I would. Does that make me a bad draconequus? Either way, this is going to be easier than I thought.” His quill was set to write more, but then he stopped, staring at the window, focusing his gaze on Twilight.
“Hmm, I wonder if Twilight Sparkle has had any of those drinks before. Looks like we’ll just have to see about that!” He continued scratching his writing utensil upon the pages.
Just as Twilight was about to reach for the jug of water, a sprinkle of magic dust appeared before her, which made her blink her eyes. She shook her head to clear her vision.
“What was that?” She looked around, figuring it could’ve just been some dust in her eyes, though how it got there, she wasn’t sure. Without looking, she activated her horn, and one of the wine bottles floated out of the fridge before Twilight closed the door and proceeded to walk back to the living room.
She rubbed her eyes as she passed the bottle to Rarity, who took it into her own magical grasp. “Thank you, darling. This isn’t exactly what I thought to drink, but it’ll do for the moment.”
She popped off the top, and lifted it to her muzzle, gulping down a little of the beverage before setting it down on the floor. “Oh yes, a bit better.”
“Rarity, I didn’t take you as a drinker of wine, or any drink of that kind for that matter,” Twilight commented to her friend’s choice of drinks.
“Oh Twilight, I have been drinking this for a few years now,” Rarity replied, lifting up the bottle above her with her magic. “Once you get used to the taste, it’s actually pretty good. Have you never tried any?”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin, staring at her white-coated friend. “No, I haven’t actually.”
“Well, you simply must try it! Here, take this.” Rarity rose from the couch while passing the bottle back to Twilight, who grabbed it within her own magical grasp. “I’ll just fetch myself another bottle.”
Before Twilight could offer a rebuttal, Rarity walked away from her into the kitchen herself. Twilight looked back at the bottle, eyeing it with wonder. She lifted the bottle to her snout and took a small whiff of it. The odor emanating from it made her nose scrunch up.
“Oh, this stuff smells horrible!” Twilight muttered as she pressed a hoof to her nose in an attempt to block out the smell. “Why in Equestria would anypony want to drink this?”
Rarity could hear her from the kitchen, and yelled back in response. “Just try a sip, darling! They always smell like that, but the taste is actually quite nice!”
Twilight looked from the door back to the bottle. She gulped before lifting the bottle up to her muzzle and downed a tiny bit of the drink to taste it. Afterward, she stuck her tongue out in disgust.
“Ugh, it tastes horrible, too...” Twilight spat out while looking at the drink distastefully.
Discord sighed. “Ok, so she doesn't like the drink. I didn't expect her too.”
He stared at the bottle himself for what almost seemed like minutes when seconds had only passed. He knew Twilight wasn't a drinker, so as such, alcoholic drinks were disgusting to her taste buds. But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with it.
“Oh well, too bad. You're going to drink it anyway!”
Before Twilight could set the bottle down, she felt more magic dust form in front of her. She shook her head once more before rubbing the side of it with a hoof, trying to regain her surroundings. Shrugging it off quickly afterward, she looked back at the bottle once more.
Before she knew it, she started to down the whole thing like it was the best thing in Equestria since sliced bread. She couldn't have enough of it, and within seconds, the whole contents of the bottle were gone. Twilight let out an exasperated breath, which most notably reeked of the smell of the drink.
Once the bottle dropped on the floor, with Twilight's magic carefully setting it down of course, she quickly regretted it, and a really bad taste was left in her mouth.
Rarity could hear Twilight having difficulty keeping down the drink from the other room. After grabbing herself another bottle from the fridge, she trotted her way back to the main room, opening it on the way.
“Enjoying the drink, dear?” Rarity asked while drinking some of the bottle herself. if anything, Twilight looked slightly disoriented, almost as if she was about to throw up.
“Not enjoying the drink, I see. Well, as I said, it does take some getting used to. And uh, you weren’t supposed to ingest the whole bottle in a few seconds.”
“Lesson learned...” Twilight responded, her tongue still hanging out in disgust. “I don’t want another one. That was worse than the cup of hot sauce I drank the day I came here.”
“Oh, lighten up,” Rarity said while waving a hoof nonchalantly. “It’s not so bad. It’s when the drink’s effects take over you that you’ll start to feel better.”
“I think I can already feel it…” Twilight grasped her stomach, breathing a bit heavily.
“Do you need to lay down?” Rarity asked with a bit of concern. “There’s the couch if you need to.”
“Thanks, Rarity.” Twilight proceeded to lay back upon Rarity’s comfy couch, the soft leather adjusting well to her body. She let out a sigh, rubbing her head of the dizziness she felt.
“Hmm,” Discord groaned in impatience, “You would think that it would’ve affected her by now... wait, duh! I’m the one writing this, so whatever I say goes! I can be so forgetful sometimes.”
As if some outside force was controlling her from within, Twilight suddenly felt highly intoxicated, and the fact she was already about to feel heavily drunk made it feel even worse. When she looked over to Rarity, she put on a rather devious smile, as what she saw was anything but the normally regal white unicorn she knew.
“You know Rarity, I never knew what wonderful eyes you have," she said to her.
Rarity was taking a sip of her own bottle while hearing this, and proceeded to spittake her drink out. She took a step back in surprise while looking back at Twilight. "Pardon? Did you just say..."
"You have the most beautiful red eyes I have ever seen, Rarity."
The fashionista examined the bottle carefully, checking its alcohol levels. "I never realized this brand could be so strong on a pony. If she's seeing things like this after only one bottle...”
Rarity looked back at Twilight, a bit concerned. “Dear Twilight, my eyes are blue, not red. Though I imagine red eyes would leave a deep impression."
She looked back at Twilight, but now the purple mare was watching her with all her attention. Twilight almost seemed to be inviting her over to the couch.
"Your eyes are like red embers, swirling around in that head of yours," Twilight stated, taking the tone a poet would use. "They burn like fire, and I cannot look away for a second."
Rarity took another step back. It was almost like another pony had taken Twilight's place, and some romantic writer was there instead. A very, very drunk one, if she was seeing red in her eyes. Then Twilight sat back down on her flank. She was steady on her hind legs, though her breath still reeked of the wine.
"And your white coat is so beautiful. It is like a sky full of clouds came together to form it, and I want to rest my head on it. Then I remember that I am just a unicorn, and then I'm scared of falling."
Rarity couldn't believe her ears. There was no way this was happening in her house. She grabbed the other glass of wine with her horn, and threw it out the window. This was just too unbelievable to, well, believe.
"But what about you as a pony?" Twilight asked, getting her rump off the sofa. "You are like a Daring Do book."
She closed the distance between her and Rarity, and the white unicorn could smell the wine with every breath she took. There was less than an arm's reach between the two.
"How am I like a Daring Do book? I don't understand the metaphor at all," Rarity admitted.
"You are one of the bravest mares I've ever known, not afraid to go on adventure, and your life is full of dangerous animals."
"Dan… dangerous animals?" Rarity raised an eyebrow in confusion. Clearly, she had no idea what the drunk mare was going on about now.
"Your cat, Opal, is one of the most dangerous animals in the world. And your sister, what was her name? She scares me too."
At that moment, Rarity didn't know what to say. She knew it was the wine talking, but at the same time, she had heard nothing like that in her lifetime. At least, not to her. And there was only one way to react to this.
Without even thinking about it, she tackled Twilight Sparkle to the ground, pinned her down with her front limbs, and began kissing her friend all over her face. She relentlessly kissed her cheeks, forehead, and almost on the lips a few times. Twilight didn't react at first, way too drunk to even know what was going on.
Discord slapped his thigh as he laughed at the top of his lungs, watching the fireworks for himself. This was everything he wanted to see when he first decided this was a good idea.
"So all I have to do to pick up mares is get drunk and insult them through a poem? Why didn't I think of this sooner? I need to try this with Celestia some time. Its going to be priceless. Or maybe even Luna. At least, if it’ll get her to calm down more and stop acting like a big baby."
As he kept watching, Rarity never stopped kissing Twilight. But the purple unicorn didn't move a muscle, just lying there underneath the fashionista's hooves.
"Come now, Twilight. You've got to get in the spirit of things!"
“Alright, let’s change things up a bit,” Discord said with another flick of the wrist, and another dusting of magic formed around Twilight's eyes. After a few seconds, all the alcohol left her system, and she was able to regain her senses. But by then, she found herself assaulted by kisses all around her face.
"Rarity! What the hay are you doing?"
Rarity didn't hear her at first, and kept on with the kisses. Twilight then tried to nudge her way out of her grasp, but Rarity was too heavy for that.
Desperate, Twilight grabbed Rarity with her magic, and threw her over to the sofa. Rarity landed back on the cushions, and her mane got out of shape with the collision. Truly the worst thing that could happen to her.
"Rarity, what were you thinking?" Twilight asked. "What all happened when I passed out?"
"What's gotten into you? We were in the middle of a sweet embrace, and then you turn around like I'm not good enough for you anymore!"
"But... why were you kissing me?!"
"Its that poem you said for me, darling. I knew you weren't thinking straight, since every compliment you said about me was either dead wrong or an insult, but it was the thought that counts. And your thought was so touching!"
"What? I don't even remember saying anything at all! And I'm not into you like that!"
Rarity's ears came down to the sides, stung with those words. "I was afraid it was just the wine speaking. It was so beautiful when you said those things about me. I had actually hoped those words were spoken with full truth and honesty..."
"Well, Spike says a lot of nice things about you too. He just hasn't said them to you yet because, well, he's nervous a lot of the time. But he really loves you."
Twilight blinked for a second, and looked around frantically, expecting a certain pink earth pony to pop up out of nowhere and yell “forever!”. She sighed knowing that didn’t happen, then looked back at Rarity.
"He does say things like that about me? I knew he had a crush, but I didn't know he was hiding that much from me..."
"Trust me Rarity, whatever I said can't compare to what he writes about you."
Rarity paused, and then gave it a little bit of thought.
"I know he has a crush on me, but given that he is so young, I thought he might grow out of it. It doesn't seem as such. I guess I'll give it a year, and if he still loves me then, I'll go out with him. But you must tell me what he says about me."
Back in Canterlot, Discord stuck out his tongue in disgust. He had slapped himself in the face numerous times right there, watching all of his work go to waste. He immediately regretted turning Twilight back to normal.
"If she doesn't like playing by my rules, I'll just have to fix that."
He gave another snap of his fingers, and suddenly Rarity's mane had turned green. The fashionista screamed in horror, and fainted on her sofa. Twilight had come to her aid, but Discord turned off the screen before it could get any worse. He rose from his chair and stomped out of the room. This was a major disappointment.
"I'll just have to create more chaos to feel better about myself. Make the Guards have polka dot coats, make it rain peppermints, and replace the clouds with Fluffle Puffs. Anything but that!"
