Overcoming Oceans

Luckily, you all manage to amble back to the villa with minimal hassle. Ladies first; Cadance opens the door, drifts to her room and collapses. Moments later, she’s sleeping like a princess. A drunken princess that snores like a wood saw, but a princess nonetheless.

“She’s out like a light,” your girlfriend giggles mischievously, “you know, we should take advantage of this opportunity…”

“You read my mind,” you tell her. “I’ll get the marker pen.”

“Wha? No, I didn’t mean that! I meant, well…” she trails off, but her seductive gaze and a twitch of her tail conveys the rest of the message perfectly.

“Oh, sex!” you declare. “You want sex, that’s it!”

It is worth noting that you still might be a little drunk.

“Shh, do you want my brother to hear that!?”

“Oops, geez, sorry, wasn’t thinking!” You turn around to see if he’d actually heard, but…

“Twilight, where is your brother?”

You check the other bedroom; Cadance is still fast asleep. The bathroom. The kitchen. The pool area outside. He’s nowhere to be found.

“Did… did we lose him on the way back?” Twilight scratches the back of her head with a hoof.

“Er, I don’t think so, I was walking alongside him the whole time.” It occurs to you that you did have your back turned when you were entering the villa itself, and that since Cadance and Twilight were the first two in, Shining Armor would have been just behind the group, giving him the chance to wander off at that point.

“I’ll go look for him,” you, Twilight’s brave stallion (and also handsome, lake-loving cuddle-fish), accepts the challenge to bring home your fair maiden’s missing sibling. “Get some rest, we’ll be right back.”

Upon leaving the villa, it occurs to you that you just willingly turned down sex with Twilight in favour of fumbling about in the darkness to find her missing brother. That’s… a silly thing to do. But honest too. You suppose she’ll remember that act of selflessness, if she remembers anything about tonight at all.

Now where did Shining Armor go? You suppose you should search the town’s sleepy streets…

“Wooo! I’ve got a beach all to myself! Wooo!”

Or the beach, you should definitely check the beach first.

*******

It doesn’t take long to find the marble-white stallion. Luna’s moonlight is so vivid tonight that his coat stands out like a sore hoof in the darkness. Plus, you could hear him yell drunken gloats at the sea.

“I’m a prince! I own a frickin’ tiny empire! Suck it, Horseshoe Bay! Wooo!”

That’s your favourite one so far.

“Hey Shining, there you are!” The prince of said tiny empire recoils from the sea for a moment, before realising that it wasn’t actually talking back. Upon finding the source of your voice, he gives you a friendly wave before sitting down on the powdery sands and inviting you to join him.

You would probably enjoy the minute-or-two trot along the beach to catch up with your lover’s brother; the sand is soft and cool in the moonlight, and the salty breeze reminds you of your foal-hood home before moving to Ponyville. However, the repeated whispers of waves washing over the shore sound almost like hisses of warning. Don’t get too close to them. They will probably bite.

“We were wondering where you disappeared off to,” you explain upon finally reaching the stallion and taking a sandy seat next to him. “You just slipped away when our backs were turned.”

The royal unicorn chuckles frivolously, dispelling any cause for concern. “Sorry man. I’m just excited about tomorrow.” He jabs a hoof outwards toward the watery hissing. He probably hears it as something less threatening. “Cadance has always wanted to come here and swim under that… er… Love-Rock..? Sexy-Arch..?”

“Lover’s Arch?”

“Yeah, that it! Anyways, she’s finally gonna be able to do that with the guy she loves. And I know it’s probably not really magic down there, but it shows that she genuinely wants us to be together forever. Like, as if royal marriage and having the power of love wasn’t enough already, she wants to take my hoof and go overkill with it as a couple.”

“The whole nine yards and nine more, right?”

“Exactly! Man, it’s gonna be so awesome.” Shining Armor leans back reflectively, using his forelegs to support himself. He looks to the sky, his booze-addled eyes darting from one glistening star to another. “I love Cadance so much. And this proves that she loves me back, not like I needed proof anyway. Take away my title as a prince, my years as a royal guard and the strength I‘ve built from that, even my horn and my magic. So long as I have Cadance, I’m still the happiest stallion alive.”

Aw, that’s the nicest thing you’ve heard the big tough guy say. Wait a minute…

“I don’t have a horn. Or experience as a royal guard. Or a crown.”

“Do you love Tw-?”

“Of course I do,” you cut across Shining’s question. “Don’t even ask that. And yes, I feel like the luckiest pony there is whenever she’s around.”

“So I guess we aren’t so different after all.”

There was a moment of contemplative silence from the normally loud and buddy-buddy stallion. Then he said something completely out of the blue.

“Dude, let‘s go swimming.”

“Wh- what?”

The somewhat tipsy prince pulls himself to his hooves. “C’mon, man, Twilight’s been tellin’ me how awesome of a swimmer you are, I wanna see it!”

Oh no. No no no. You can’t. Not in the sea. Not at night. Not without Twilight for support. Make something up!

“Er, I’d love to,” you mutter, “but it’s way too dark, we’ll be doing it tomorrow anyways...”

“Aw man, come on! Gimme a sneak preview or somethin’.”

“No way, the water will be freezing this time of- hey what are you-!?”

Before you can finish voicing an objection, a light rose aura lifts you effortlessly from the sandy ground. The unicorn’s inebriation means his magical grip on you isn’t as steady as you’d want it to be; in fact, he can’t seem to hold you still at all. Though that might be because of your constant struggling.

“Put me down put me down put me down put me down put me down-!”

“Alright, fine,” Shining finally gives up, turning his aura off like a light and letting you drop harmlessly (“Oof!”) to the ground. “Tell you what, I’ll go into the water first, then you follow, okay?”

“Uh…”

“Great, let’s go!”

Shining sloshes his way over the finely-lapping waters, wading until he’s damp up to his chest. He cockily wanders back and forth amongst the frothy waves before turning back to you.

“Told ya. There’s nothing wrong, ya scaredy cat! The water isn’t even that cold OH MY GODS SOMETHING’S GOT MY HOOF AAAAAGH-!”

Seeing the heroic royal guard and prince flailing for his life - bucking, kicking his hooves in a frenzy and screaming - doesn’t exactly help with your oceanic phobia.

“AAAAAGH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF-!”

And in that horrible instance, the slimy mass of what appears to be tentacles finally lets go of Shining Armor’s leg… and flies through the cold air before latching onto your face with a SPLAP!

The impact knocks you clean off your hooves, until the next thing you know you're on the ground writhing in panic. You’d scream about the sloppy monster enveloping your face, but you can’t get the taste of seaweed out of… wait a minute.

“OH SWEET LUNA IT’S GOT YOU TOO-!”

“Don’t worry, it’s just-”

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE-!”

“It’s just seaweed!”

“TELL CADANCE I LOVE HER- wait, what!?”

Shining looks between you and the limp plant dangling off your face. An awkward silence, broken only by the gentle crashing of waves against the sand, fills the air as you scoop the harmless mess off your muzzle.

“I… thought it was a sea monster or a jellyfish.” he sheepishly explains.

“Naw,” you shake your head, “it’d have stung your leg if that was true.”

“Maybe it could’ve had it’s sting turned off?”

“Jellyfish can’t turn their sting off.”

“Ever asked one?”

*******

The stumble back to the villa was short and sweet. Both of you seemed to have sobered up while you were yelling about sea monsters a few minutes prior.

“So, Shining Armor,” you ask once you’d plucked up the courage, “what was all that about?”

“Hmm? Oh,” lowers his head in embarrassment. “I’m not a big fan of the sea. The only reason I wanna do this thing with Cadance is because I love her.”

“You have a fear of the ocean too!?”

“Nah, I was just spooked for a second.” he shakes his head in denial before something dawns on him. “Wait, you have a fear of the ocean? Really!?”

Oops. Way to let that one slip out.

“Please don’t tell Twilight,” you beg him. “I’m trying to keep that a secret!”

“Eh, I’ll have forgotten by the morning,” the stallion points out his dizzy, drunken head. “But how are you gonna do that Lovey Dovey Arch thingie tomorrow if you can‘t stand the sea?”

“I don’t know!” you throw your hooves up in exasperation. “I’m hoping to cross that bridge when I come to it, but I’m not so sure any more. I’m gonna look like an idiot tomorrow, I just know it.”

“Maybe you’ll feel different in the morning,” Shining encourages. “And look on the bright side; the fact that jellyfish have survived for like 650 million years despite not having a brain is great news for idiots!”

"I'll take your word for it."

"Thanks buddy. Wh- hey!"