Dash'n'Slash

by AlexMalkavian

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Other, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1143

Soon after Twilight's return from world of humans Rainbow Dash has a strange dream...

Soon after Twilight's return from world of humans Rainbow Dash has a strange dream...

Rated 'Teen' for some cursing, 'Alternative Universe' for alternative Gn'R history.

Published 2013-09-28 03:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-28 03:00:03 UTC

Dash'n'Slash

"What?"

"You've heard me, man! I said I need a pony with lightning ass! And I need it right now!" sounded Slash’s voice.

"Shit... As if Axl's tantrums were not enough..." sighed Steven.

"By the way, he still refuses to come out," said Izzy from the green room door.

"Slash, are you high again or what? It's LSD? Speed?"

"You fuckin' hear me?! Bring me a pony or I will not play anything!" yelled the guitarist.

"Okay, Slash, but let's do it after the concert, okay?"

"I said I need it no— Oh?" Slash's eyes eyes became wide, then he squinted a little looking at lights above the scene. "Oh... I see... I see it! OK, let's go! Axl, you fucker, come out!" he shouted.

Strangely that had some effect. Door opened and singer came out.

"Yeah, whatever..." he said. "Let’s start it."

* * *

Rainbow Dash saw a strange dream. She stood above the stage on a catwalk, where the spotlights were hanging. In front and below her pegasus saw a crowd in a darkness outside the light spot. She knew that something was about to happen. And something began.

A couple of tall straight-walking creatures came upon the stage. ‘Humans‘, as Twilight called them. Some of them carried guitar in their front hooves— um, hands. Crowd burst out into joyful cries. And when the powerful riffs begun to rang Rainbow knew just what to do.

She dove towards the stage making such an awesome flying tricks that would impress even The Wonderbolts. Feeling that song comes to end Rainbow Dash flew up above the stage as high as she could and darted down at maximum speed, turning away bare inches from the stage as a rainbow-colored ring spread around blue pegasus, sending blast wave all around.

After the song ended, she haughtily landed on a stage but...

...nobody was looking at her. Audience cheered the lead guitarist wearing top hat, the vocalist with bandanna on his head, but nopony— no human was looking at at the rainbow-maned pegasus.

"What the—"

* * *

"—buck was that?!" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well," Twilight Sparkle answered, "I should probably consult with some books on this topic, but some things I can say right now.

"Dreams are usually just some interpretation of things we saw or heard about when we were awake. So, your brain probably was just processing my story about my journey to the Equestria High School, especially considering guitars, because I told you about Flash Sentry playing one of those..." At this words Twilight slightly blushed.

"I’m not asking you about that dream stuff," Rainbow grumbled. "Why nopony was paying their attention to me? I mean, I was just so buckin’ awesome! Even the band sang about me, something like 'Ta-da-dum, you're the Rainbow Queen'. That humans could at least, I dunno, clap their hooves or something..."

"They have hands, not hooves, Dash. But back to your dream. As far as I remember, all cylindrical figures are usually considered as phallic symbols. And with you mentioning that guitarist in a top hat... Hmm, humans are also somewhat cylindrical comparing to ponies," Twilight pondered. "Maybe they also should be considered the same? And that fact that you are often using the ‘B’ word... Well, I’ll probably assume that you have— well, some sex problems." The violet alicorn blushed again.

"Listen, Twilight, we talked about this countless timed before. I have no problems about that stuff, there’s just nopony cool enough for me, you know. And what’s wrong with the ‘buck’ word? It’s just, like you say, see-no-name-"

"Synonym," corrected Twilight.

"Whatever. It’s just the same as ‘kick’. And it have no relation to the—” Dash thought for a second about how to say it not using the 'F' word, "—you know, sex stuff. Heh, i’d like to hear what Applejack thinks about this.” Blue pegasus grinned.

"Listen, Dash, that is serious thing!"

"But—"

"No ‘buts’!"

Dash just couldn't miss this opportunity.

"Why?" she said smiling slyly. "Does that sound like ‘butt’ to you, as ‘ass’, but not as 'donkey'?"

"Uh... What are you talking about?.."

"Also ‘balls’, like gee-oh-me-tree stuff they learn in schools," Dash continued.

"It's 'sphere' !" Twilight almost shouted.

"Or 'cock', like a 'rooster'." Now unicorn's face could compete in redness with Big Mac's hide. Rainbow sighed.

"Anyway, Twilight, sometimes dream is just a dream, so forget it. Let’s get serious about your problem. You should do something about that stallion you've met in that world, and later re-met in Equestria. Like, I dunno, go out with him somewhere or something..."

How could this conversation about her dream gone that way? Twilight thought, putting a hoof to her face.

* * *

But let's leave ponies with their troubles alone, because in meantime in some other world Slash awoke with a heavy headache. The room was spinning around him and overall seemed pretty blurred. The only thing he sensed was some voice calling him.

"Slash, are you all right? "

"Ugh..."” That was the only thing he could mutter in response.

" Okay, take it while others can’t see us." Someone’s hands gave him some package.

"The fuck is that?.." the guitarist hardly muttered looking at the pastel-colored package.

"The thing you asked for, man."

"What?.." Slash asked, trying to get up from where he was lying and to comprehend the question.

"Don’t you remember yesterday gig?"

"Ugh... Hardly... I just know it was fuckin’ awesome..."

"Yeah. But before it you asked for something... Anyway, take it and don’t tell anyone about that."

Finally Slash opened his eyes just to see that the bearer of that voice has disappeared. He looked at the thing he hold in his hands. Inside the package was some pink pony with a blue mane and tale and two lightnings on a flank. In a moment a whole spectrum of emotions passed by his face — incomprehension, confusion, remembering, surprise and finally some sort of disappointment.

"That’s..." he sighed. "Yeah, that’s what I asked for, but the one that I saw up there was, like, more slender, and her mane was kinda rainbow or something..."

"Pony?" He heard Axl’s voice from somewhere aside. "Where did you get it?"

"I don't know," Slash answered. "Somebody was here just now and gave it to me."

"Oh, and who might it be?" Axl laughed. "Maybe that friend of yours, Mr. Brownstone?"

Slash sighed.

...

Yes, that pony that the guitarist held was Firefly, and there was still whole lot of years until the 2010 and Rainbow Dash’s forthcoming.

Author's Note

Night shift working sometimes gives me strange ideas, and that's one of them. Just a stupid rhyme 'Dash' — 'Slash' that I couldn't threw out of my head. Well, I hope now it will leave itself... and that this story wasn't too awful.