(CW and TW: this chapter is going to contain mentions of psychological abuse/gaslighting, homophobia, transphobia, and the general bigotry that is aimed at LGBTQIAA peoples. Please see the author's note at the bottom for more explanation.)

It had been a month since Scootaloo had been discharged from the hospital and had come to live with Emerald and I. She had hugged us both tightly while crying tears of joy after taking her shopping for new clothes and showing her to her new bedroom. She went to bed that night smiling.

We were able to settle into a good routine at home with Scootaloo heading to school a little before Emerald left, just to give her the perception of being too cool to be seen walking to school with her teacher mom.

I smiled a little as I made my way to my ordered destination of Carousel Boutique.

As far as the orders, Luna had finally had enough of my slightly chaotic dreams as of late disrupting her nightly work and flat out ordered me to sort out the issue, and to do so by going to see Rarity.

So that found me looking at the door of the appropriately named shop with a little trepidation at how this visit may wind up.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door and entered, causing a bell above the door to ring.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is unique and magnifique! Oh, hello Ranger Stryke. What can I assist you with today?" Rarity asked, a smile on her face.

"Well, that is slightly complicated." I replied. "Is there some place that we could talk privately? I kinda want to get this out without being interrupted or lose my nerve."

Rarity cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow for a moment before responding.

"Of course Darling. Give me a moment to close up and we can have some tea." She said, going to lock the door.

"Thank you, I will try not to take up too much of your time Rarity." I said, nervously tugging on the ends of my hair.

"Think nothing of it Darling. Now, follow me and we can have some tea." She said, motioning me towards the stairs to the residential portion of the shop.

I sat down on the loveseat in the living room while Rarity busied herself with making a kettle for tea. I glanced around the room, having only been to the boutique once and not staying longer than it took to be measured for a proper suit at Rarity's request.

It was a well-lived in area, with knick knacks and various small bits of art that obviously had some kind of sentimental value to the mare.

There was some signs of her work encroaching upon her living space, but these were more than likely personal projects, compared to the ones for clients or general sale downstairs.

"Here we are." Rarity said, snapping me from my observations with a jolt. "I find a good cup of chamomile helps to ease one's nerves." She added with a gentle smile.

I returned the smile, but I could tell that it didn't quite reach my eyes as she frowned slightly.

"Darling, I have to say, and forgive me for being so blunt, but you look exhausted." She said, worry in her tone.

"Yeah, that would be because my boss has been forcibly kicking me out of the dream realm for the last week and a half. Apparently my dreams the last month have been disrupting the local area because she keeps having to come and quiet me down." I replied, carefully taking a cup and pouring some tea, with only a slight tremor in my hands. "Apparently, and I don't remember a lot of the conversations or even the details of the dreams, but she finally, a week ago, ordered me to talk to someone. I was stubborn and ignored said order, and she threatened to pull me out of the rotation if I didn't get myself sorted out."

Rarity gasped. "That is quite rude of Princess Luna." She said with a huff.

"Maybe, but she has a point. I need to deal with this." I replied.

"How can I help Darling? I might be a good listener, but I am not a therapist or anything." She inquired.

"This most recent situation started about a month ago, but has its roots going back to my childhood." I said. "Tell me, have you ever heard of the term transgender?"

She rubbed her chin as she thought. "I have not, but thinking about the term, I imagine it has something to do with one's gender identity and changing it." She answered.

"In a very, very broad sense, yes. The term refers to an individual whose gender identity is not congruent with their sex. It has to do with how the various proteins that are sending signals before we are born telling our bodies and brains to do certain things and make certain connections." I began. "The most basic way that I can think to describe it is that when your physical sex is developing there are certain signals that are sent to your brain to set the 'switch' for lack of a better term to the matching gender. Now, for some reason, the chromosome was faulty, the signal wasn't sent, or the signal wasn't received for whatever reason, this results in one's gender identity not lining up with their sex."

Rarity 'hmmm'd quietly. "So if I am understanding you right, that would mean that say a pony could have been born a stallion, but their brain is telling them that they are a mare?" She asked.

"A good assumption." I replied.

"My word, those poor dears. I can't even imagine what they must be going through. Going through puberty with the wrong body. Heavens, even looking in the mirror must be painful for them." She said.

I nodded. "In some cases, yes. The dysphoria can be overwhelming for the individual. But every trans person is unique. I have known a few, both men and women, and their journeys were all different. For some the dysphoria was crippling and when they were able to transition, it was like they had become a whole new person because of how much happier in their own skin they were." I explained. "Others it was only minor things, at least at first that caused them issues, but once they were at the point of being able to verbalize what they were feeling, other things were triggering their dysphoria."

"I do hope things turned out okay for them." Rarity replied, taking a sip of tea.

"For the most part, yes. Sadly, we didn't live in a perfect world and trans folks were treated like they were mentally ill until about twenty years ago and even up until the day I was sent here, they were fighting for the rights to get the gender affirming care, which many doctors and experts in the medical field had repeatedly stated were very beneficial and should be done with as minimal roadblocks as possible. But unfortunately the fact that trans people existed and wanted to just live their lives made the conservatives that made up the government and unfortunately a wide swath of my country's population, not a true majority, but fairly close to it, uncomfortable that there were people that didn't fit into their nice and neat world view." I said. "A lot of politicians did everything they could to try to make their lives as difficult as possible, eventually getting to the point of not even trying to hide their bigotry. Unfortunately, they had a lot of powerful and rich supporters that believed the same, that kept getting them reelected, some of them for decades because they had voted to remove term limits and no one stopped them."

"So, they had basically become like a hereditary nobility?" Rarity asked.

I thought about that. "Other than the fact that they couldn't pass their seats down to their children and on occasion there would be an upset in the election and a new person was elected, yes. The median age of Congress was in the mid 50s. And it was mostly male and white. There weren't a lot of women and not a lot of persons of color either. So the minorities were not well represented. Add to the fact that a lot of these elected officials didn't really do much to help their constituents when compared to the groups that funded their campaigns, you can understand why things could be so bad."

"My word. That sounds awful." Rarity said. "I can imagine that people were trying to change that?"

I nodded. "They were, but unfortunately it was an uphill battle and they were very much beholden to the people who helped get them into office. So they had a hard time getting changes made, especially with the media painting them as overzealous or some such nonsense when they raised a perfectly legitimate point or introduced a bill that actually made sense and did some good with the help of their opponents."

"And this plays into your situation how, exactly?" Rarity asked.

"Getting to that." I replied. "I had started to question somethings about myself when I was going through puberty, but I never could find the words to describe it to myself, primarily because it wasn't a thing that was talked about. Experimenting with things like gender, especially in the area I grew up in, was a sure fire way to get beaten up or worse. Add to the fact that my parents were psychologically abusive to me, always belittling my efforts and plans, and basically gaslighting me my entire childhood and part of my adulthood before they both finally keeled over and died, I was never able to find the words when I was younger to describe what I was feeling."

"Darling, that must have been horrible!" She exclaimed. "It must have been a relief to be free of that."

I nodded. "It was, and thanks to a pandemic that got most of the world stuck at home and a whole lot of spare time because we were able to get on the internet more freely." I paused. "The internet was a way of transmitting information around the world near instantly. Our society was very interconnected. But things like the trans experience, from the point of view of the people who were living it, with the ability to share that experience with millions, caused an upsurge in the number of people 'cracking' they called it and coming out as trans. I was one of these people, but I was just starting to figure out what all that meant when everything went to hell and I was sent here."

"But what brought it up again?" Rarity asked gently.

"When I got here I was a bit discombobulated and I wound up in Stalliongrad. In the middle of winter. There were a lot more pressing issues than figuring out the mess that was my gender identity at the time. Then I got to Las Pegasus and things really kicked off and it has been a very busy year for me." I replied. "It wasn't until after an evening of umm, 'activities', that something Emerald said brought it all back up."

"What did she say?" Rarity inquired.

"I had made a comment, and for the love of all that is holy, because I know that you know about her unique features from making her some outfits, thank you for that by the way, she loves them, about how if I had been a genetically compatible female, I would have wound up pregnant, and she says that anything is possible with magic." I said. "Now, neither of us are unicorns or students of magic, so there is no way of telling whether or not it would be possible, but I kinda believe it since her unique features are a result of magic, even though it was a completely unintended consequence."

I took a deep breath to slow my rambling speech as I had gotten up at some point and begun pacing.

"So, if I am making an educated guess, you are having these thoughts of possibly being trans and you would like some assistance in figuring that out?" Rarity asked.

I nodded, biting my lip expecting to be tossed out, despite her earlier understanding of the issues I explained to her.

She crossed the room and wrapped me in a hug. "Darling, I would be honored if you would allow me to do so. One, because it gives me a unique opportunity to design something new and fresh, and two, it allows me to help a friend find themselves and be truly happy." She said.

I pulled back from the hug and wiped a few tears away. "Thank you. That means a lot, it truly does."

"Well my dear, let's get you cleaned up a bit and then we can get started." Rarity said with a smile as she led me to the bathroom so I could get cleaned up.

Author's Note

Alright then. That was a bit of a wall o text, but this is a complicated issue. I should know, because I finally clued into what a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of my close friends had realized, that I am trans. Now, if you are going to start spouting bigotry, just do yourself a favor and unfollow this story, because I will not put up with it. I will report any hateful, transphobic comments and block you. I might not care what you think about it, but there are people who will see your comments and will take those personally, which is horrible. Now, there is a LOT more to this, but I didn't want to write such a long chapter, so it will be broken up into at least two chapters, possibly more, we will have to see where my muse takes me. And to anyone who happens to be reading this that is trans, non-binary, or just questioning and figuring things out, you are valid, and I support you and will be a friend if you need one to listen. Until next time everyone!