Warning: Very graphic story. If you do not accept Shrek as your savior, please leave. Or if you just don't want ot read that's cool too.
Oh what a glorious day! A glorious day to be alive and live in the magical land of Ponyville. Now let's recap, Equestria isn't new to having strangers visit. Lately the appearance of humans in the world hasn't really been as bothering as much as before. But still, humans aren't exactly... "loved" because of their rather... raunchy and perverse behavior.
I mean come on, you have these multi-raced men just appearing out of the blue into the land of Equestria looking to ram their johnson into the nearest mare they see... they're dealt with... quickly and efficiently. So yes, while Humans are common, they aren't loved... especially when they turn into f***ing alicorns for no reason whatsoever and have some sort of sexual interaction with the entire crew of the elements of harmony, you cheeky little shit.
Remember last times incident when the Juggalo's arrived? Lord, that was an act of terrorism, it was as if though sending the fat clown and the bony bastard was a declaration of war between Human and Equine! BUT WAIT! enough about humans! What if I told you a new creature came into town? All because of the fault of a little butter colored pegasus by the name of...
Fluttershy
Just look at that face... that's the face of trouble hidden behind a mask of kindness.
Anyways, let's begin today's adventure in Ponyville, i wonder what could possible go wrong this time.
Somewhere on the border of the Everfree Forest...
Time: 8AM
Character: Fluttershy
"Oh Angel! Yes! Don't stop!" commanded Fluttershy as the little white shit that nobody likes (Angel Bunny) thumped his ears onto her shoulder. I mean seriously, that's very reasonable, have you guys ever gotten sore there? It sucks. We can all relate to this situation. Angel bunny eventually got worn out and just planted his face onto the back of the yellow pegasus. Fluttershy, relieved and feeling better than ever, kissed Angel as a thank you and headed outside to stretch her wings.
Stepping out the door, she faced the direction of the forest and sighed in satisfaction to the early and steady morning. She walked around her cottage to find anything wrong and to see how her animal cult is holding up. All did well and she smiled at the rising sun. Then she could see an off behavior coming from the forest, for some reason a rather odd amount of birds were starting to fly out and head towards the west. Then she could see the shadows of many animals sprint through the obstacles in their way, heading wherever the birds went.
She walked closed to see if this is all just some sort of off-thing, a small little event that just happened here and there but no, she was wrong, something was definitely startling them all. Having the power of The Stare also came with a perk of having a rather sensitive hearing to see if a predator was on the loose to hunt his prey. Putting her ear to the wind and breathing quietly, she could hear it. In the softest of winds, she heard a yell, a cry of mercy deep in the confines of the forest. Like it was an actual pony crying for help.
AS nervous as she was, Fluttershy quickly retreated to her cottage, contemplating the events that just occurred. Should she pursue the cries of a dying animal and save their life, perhaps another fine addition to the cult? Or should she just cower safely at home without giving a 2nd glance to the forest? After several moments she came to a final verdict. She galloped to her closet, retrieved a saddle full of various survival supplies and headed off to the forest.
Just as she reached the borderline of the forest, she kicked up to reveal her great wings to take flight. Why endanger herself in the frenzy of the animal stampede when she could just simply fly overhead the forest and make it faster to the distress call? Off she went at great speed!... only to find out that leaving her home was her biggest mistake for herself and maybe Equestria as we know it.
She docked down beside a boulder near a landing. "I like that boulder, it's a nice boulder" she says as she galloped quietly towards the open area. Something was rather odd about the area she approached. She could see signs along the way saying "Beware of Ogre!" here and there along with various grotesque swamp accessories to add a creepy feel to it all. Not many creatures were seen beyond this point, not even insects themselves.
Not knowing whether to go further or not, the wails of an animal were still heard and much further in she realized this was the Everfree Forest no more, but a new area, a new swamp she has never visited. Cautiously Fluttershy walked, better than Franklin's ass stealth skilled, and beamed the environment; it was clear that someone was living there and was quiet possibly the culprit behind the yells of torture. She could see a bathroom stall to the far left of the house, a pool of steaming mud with vines nearby, and a makeshift bathroom, all right there in the open. Judging by the hygiene, Fluttershy came to a conclusion a monster lived here and she planned to not kill it but to save those it is harming.
A mighty roar shook the forest trees followed by loud thumps that rattled the rocks on the ground. Squinting in the distance she could see a large scaly beast. She swallowed the saliva that built in her mouth and wiped the sweat that started to run down her forehead. It was a large ferocious red dragon and on it was a donkey?
"I walked into the wrong side of the forest." she whispered. The dragon was slowly approaching her with that gray animistic ass riding it, she had no other options but to run to the John! When she opened up, vomit ran up her esophagus ready to be let out but she kept it in. The bathroom smelled of the most rancid shit thats ever ran up her nostrils. The aroma of cow manure mixed Nikki Minaj's bra sweat was too much, she had to run inside the house to escape the dragon and the smell of satan, this was Flittershy's biggest mistake.
Barging through the door like Van Dam in an action movie, she saw an unsee-able sight. A large fat green animal was tearing up another one like him that was laying on the bed, a female. This was all on the bed and all around the bed she witnessed several human males either praying to this green animal or have their asses in the air spreading their cheeks, praising. This animal was called an Ogre but what the name of it was, unknown to her ears. She's never seen such a pagan act until now. Stunned in shock she could only see true horror and hearing the words
"Shrek is love, Shrek is life! Shrek is love, Shrek is life!"
''
Slowly she backed away only to bump into a thorny material that protruded through the door, the snout of the red dragon with that gray donkey staring at her with an evil smile on her face. He was smoking a makeshift cigar and he blew the smoke straight into her face whispering coyly "Dank. Swamp. Kush" Fluttershy was tripping real bad and disturbed the ogre ritual taking place.
The ogre stopped ramming his member into his partner and looked at her with a straight face. "Aye there laddy! Where do you come from?" he said while picking her up by the rail and bringing her face to his eye level. Fluttershy was in real trouble, she couldn't speak until she was slapped across the face with Shreks pinky. "I- I- I come from Ponyville...i'm Fl-Flu-Fluttershy." she finished saying. So this is what it meant to be under true fear. He kept staring at her and sniffed her mane. "Hmmm... Drek detected." The human males snarled and growled at poor Fluttershy like menacing mad dogs ready to strike!
"Please please! I thought someone was in trouble and that's why I came over here! I'm so sorry MR.Ogre! Oh Celestia help me!" everyone laughed, even the dragon. He replied "The only one in trouble here is you! Puss, get my boots, we're going to wherever this Ponyville is. IF this Celestia can't hear your cries now, she won't ever hear them again in the future! It sounds to me like your little place is in need of a new leader! Your Celestia sounds like a Farquaad to me"
She damn near fainted due to the immense fright she was experiencing. With her eyes clenched shut the noises all around suddenly stopped. She took a peek only to find herself staring straight into the ogre's very eyes, she could see his foul brave soul. He whispered to her face. "Listen laddey, you think I din't see you snooping around ma place? Ma Swamp? I saw you nearly puke out there whence you walked into the bathroom, what's wrong Fluttershy? Why didn't you let it out?"
She couldn't move, fear petrified her. Shrek nodded and crescendo'd as he said the following words. "Better out than in as I always say!" he tossed her onto the now empty bed and he pulled up his pants and proceeded to wear his boots. "You followers! It's time you all teach her the meaning of love and life! Donkey! You and your wife go scouting for this Ponyville, I'll ready myself for the trip!"
The cries of Fluttershy were silenced almost instantly when Shrek walked outside and closed his door. This is the birth of Cloppers. They find themselves wanting to smash horses after accepting Shrek as their lord and savior. Fluttershy's cries were not of pain anymore but of agony and reckoning. Shrek smiled and walked off into the forest leaving his swamp.
"Check yourself before you Shrek yourself"
Becoming Legend
The town of Ponyville was flourishing with with trade and life. In the center you can see Twilight's Library (Alicorn Twilight isn't canon here) with absolutely no one around it because nobody in the town cares about reading since that place is always empty. A filly with a crimson bow galloped fast with a white unicorn and orange pegasus following close behind. The smell in the air was of freshly baked apple fritters and treats. The sky was clear with the sun shining down. Everything was at peace.
"Hello? Is anyone home?" Spike said as knocked on Fluttershy's cottage. No one answered, it was completely silent. He peered into the windows and saw nothing. He shrugged it off saying to himself perhaps she went out for lunch or so. He stood on the small bridge leading to her home looking out towards the Everfree Forest just taking in the view. He sighed and decided it was time to head home. She won't be back anytime soon he assumed.
Just as he was about to take off he noticed movement in the forest. Animals were dispersing and the rustling of jimmies and leaves grew louder. He quickly went over the bridge and stood behind a tree, peering out to see what could be causing so much trouble. From the shaded woods a figure began to take shape. A large green figure with a washed up tunic and a leather vest came out of the forest, making his way towards Fluttershy's cottage. Spike gasped, he had never seen such a creature before in all of his small life.
He marched his way across the meadows until he was at the doorstep of Fluttershy's, staring into the windows. He knocked twice asking if anyone was home. No answer so he knocked once more and same response, nothing. Spike hesitated to approach the beast but was scared and instead stood back and watched him perform his next deed. Without warning, Shrek kicked down the door startling all the animals that hauled out of the cottage from the windows and door.
Shrek slapped around a few as they went past him thinking he was under attack, no serious harm though. As he rummaged through her belongings he gazed at a few pictures hanging on the wall, heirlooms from her past, her extensions by the mirror, everything. Shrek stared at one particular portrait, one containing Fluttershy and the rest of the crew, in fact there were many picture with the same reoccurring ponies. The ogre rummaged through her food and found plenty of vegetables, especially the most god tier one, The Onion. He grunted then smiled as he still looked into all her belongings until her heard a piece of wood snap behind him.
He snapped his neck in a straight 180 like some owl or whatever and to his surprise saw little terrified Spike with dilated eyes staring at him with fear. Shrek took a quick bite of the onion and bolted towards Spike and then did that stupid overpowered Shoulder Charge attack like the Titans can do in Destiny and insta-KO'ed Spike because Shrek has OP perks like that. The Ogre picked him up and stared at him and checking him all around.
"Awww it's just a wee baby dragon" he said as he placed the sleeping dragon on Fluttershy's bed. He stared at him and smiled. After gazing at him a bit Shrek removed his belt and took down his pants revealing his bare green legs. Now I know what you readers are thinking, he's gonna bone Spike, well no actually much worse. Shrek ate the rest of the onion and sighed. Then he knelt over and took a big steamy dump right in the middle of the living room. There was so much methane in that pile of turd the tree cottage itself began to rot at an exceptional speed.
Please with himself he stepped out of the the house and walked over the bridge to go back to his swamp, or so we all thought. He said to himself "Better out than in I always sa-" he was cut off. There was a strong whoosh that run his ears a bit followed by a sea of colors up in the sky, a rainbow trail leading the opposite side of the forest. When Shrek looked outwards he saw a a purple-ish looking house nearby and beyond that a town. He knew his next destination and his goal was as bright as ever.
Taking one step forward a strong gust of wind broke his balance forcing him to stumble. Once the wind passed he opened his eyes to see Donkey standing right in front of him. "Shrek I have news!" exclaims donkey in a cheery tone. "Well let's hear it!" replies Shrek.
Donkey cleared his throat and let out a sigh before reporting. "This right here Shrek is the town of Ponyville! I couldn't get Dragon near the place of course otherwise we'ed be spotted by these flying horses we saw. So I sneak into the town to see what we're up against but you will NOT believe it Shrek! The entire town is just a bunch of talking horses! I felt like I belonged there, it was all too good to be true! Finally a place where I belong!"
The green god thinks to himself momentarally before he asked his next question. "Is there any baddies there that would be scared of me?" Donkey wasn't so sure, for a town full of talking ponies that could fly and use magic, maybe his introduction wouldn't be so surprising. He thanked Donkey for his intel who then hurried over to the meadows where he whistled and had Dragon pick him up.
With a smile across his face he marched onward to the little house of Carousel Boutique or whatever the hell you call Rarity's house i'm just saying this from memory.
Ponyville
The town was rich with laughter and sales aplenty from good vendors to crappy vendors that somehow are managing to survive off of selling quills and sofa's, good luck paying your student loans that way chump. Applejack was in the center selling apple related foods, Pinkie Pie was selling diabetes, and the spa sisters were relieving stallions who entered and payed $20 extra. Everything was going just fine except for the weird-ass homeless ponies by the bridge who were usually red and black and had cardboard wings and horns glued on to them claiming to be Celestia's father or whatever sounds edgy, your typical Hot Topic dude. Twilight glanced across her library doing her usual studying of whatever she finds interesting until hunger hit her. She was in the mood for a more tasteful snack and not the usual that's in her home.
Stepping out of her home she meandered outside and joined the busy streets of Ponyville. It crossed her mind that Spike was gone for a little longer than usual but she figured he probably went out to do his other errands as well. The skies were clear, thanks to Rainbow of course and Celestia shined her grace on the town as bright as ever. A nice little 72 Degree weather, just like San Diego, the ideal place to live.
The choice could never be more obvious, she trotted just along to Applejack's stand. The two exchanged words for a bit greeting each other and Twilight being the smart one lowballed Applejack an Apple Pie for half of what it's worth. Content with her victory she decided it would be just to share with someone. She looked left and right and no one. "Well I guess i'll save the rest for Spike then" she said to herself and moved on back home. Just as she had made it to the door there was a letter on her front door notifying her of the small annual... pony fest of goodship or something that just sounds canon to the show or whatever. It's the flawless explanation to the busy streets and the mass amounts of purchase.
She crumpled the note up and throws in in the trash inside her home. Twilight sat at the dining table and ate about a quarter of the pie, it was a little too much for her, surely Spike would like the rest, everyone loves pie after all. She sat thinking to herself momentarily. "Not much to do now except at least get ready for the small little get together" she thought to herself. Going upstairs she began to comb her hair and choose a style and color ribbon she just decided to put in her mane, just to change the appearance a bit nothing too fancy. As time slowly went by there came a crashing through her door. Quickly peering over to see the door she could see Spike on the ground and the door wide open.
She rushed down the stairs and to his aid to see he had a huge bruise right on his left cheek. Blunt force was applied obviously but an extremely excessive amount. Either he was kicked in the face by Rarity when he was spying or he fell off the roof. He also reeked of the most foul shit she's ever smelled in her life. "What happened?" asked Twilight in a worried tone. Spike coughed and slowly mumbled to her "Twilight... something's coming, it got... Rarity, warn everyone". Spike then died, not really he actually was just unconscious from his own smell. Twilight carried him to the kitchen and put him next to the garbage can so the smell is in a controlled area.
What got Rarity? What got him? What's coming? The questions ran wild in her head but she paid not too much attention to it, the festival is to held, whatever it is that's coming it surely isn't so bad. Besides even if it's some sort of threat, i'm sure he won't be able to stand against the might of all the ponies of Ponyville. A knocking came to her door shortly after she closed it. Quickly hurrying to the door and adjusting the ribbon she opened it. Lo and behold right in front of her was Rainbow Dash carrying a KO'ed Fluttershy.
"Twilight! We need need help, it's Fluttershy!" the cyan horse said desperately. "Woah woah woah, you need to calm down and tell me what happened to her!" Twilight retorts back. She stood adjacent to the door letting Rainbow walk in with Fluttershy, having them both rest on the couch.
Dash quickly explained the situation. "I was zipping around the skies clearing them for tonight when on my way here to Ponyville I saw this big green thing going to Fluttershy's house. I figured it was nothing but when I went back to double check her cottage was rotting from the inside. The odor was just the worst! It smelled like absolute crap!"
"Damn those clown bastards! It was Insane Clown Posse, their horde of juggalo's came back!"
"There's no way it was them Twilight, we saw them get launched into the sun! It's much worse!"
"Oh? Why do you say that?"
"Because when I went back to the cottage I saw that the entire house not only was destroyed, but then I saw Fluttershy coming out of the Everfree Forest all mangled up. She had this necklace of onions around her neck, it reeked!"
The purple unicorn thought to herself solemnly trying to piece together the clues she's been given. Big, green, monster, from the forest, onions, blunt force trauma, something in her sparked, she had a hunch. "Dash, we need to warn everyone, this isn't safe, I think I know exactly what it is that you're talking about." Twilight looked out the window from the sofa and saw that the fest had already started. The time was around 6pm and the sun was slowly setting down, the stands and tables and such were already set, ponies from all over were getting prepared. She got up and hurried to the door opening it. "Leave Fluttershy here, she'll be safe here." Dash left the mangled pegasus on Twilight's couch and hurried to the door when all of the sudden a cry of terror came rose about all noise in the crowd.
The two friends took two steps out of the front door and closed it. They looked around to see what had caused such a startle. It was Rarity, running down the street with her mane completely disorganized and he hind legs covered in grime. She never stopped running she only kept going and going until she was out of sight. The ground began to rumble, they looked to their left and heard screams from the crowd who also began to run in the direction Rarity was sprinting to. Something was awfully stinky and it was her, so why would they run after her?
The sun was slowly setting, evening was arriving because you know, that's what it's called after the sun sets but this raises a question, do you say good evening or good night? When do you know when it's night and how do you know when evening shift to night? Why do I even bother asking this when I can google it? Because I don't want to open up more tabs in my already full tab bar that's why and by the time I finish writing this I probably won't even care anymore.
The ground shook, a mighty force was approaching slowly from the east. Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash only to noticed she 'Dashed out like a punk towards Rarity's direction. She wasn't retreating tho, she was attempting to keep everyone calm and slow the traffic because ponies could get hurt. She couldn't control the situation so if you can't beat'em, join'em right? "Son of a bitch..." mumbled Twilight to herself. With her back turned to the east, the rumbling ground was finally at a still however the air was different...
Taking a few sniffs it was all too obvious what the smell was. Weed and Onions. She gulped the saliva built in her mouth looking down and seeing her shadow was grotesque and enlarged, it wasn't her shadow, she was in the shadow. It was King Sombra. No not really that dude is long gone but then it spoke.
"What are you doing in ma swamp?"
Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around to see him. There before here standing 6 "8 was the mighty and powerful beast that ravaged the lands and Rarity.
"Shrek." (This is Canon)
The ogre chuckled before replying with "So you do remember me laddeh?"
Twilight grinded her teeth in anger staring him down "You shouldn't have come back here, I told you next time we meet I would have no choice but to kill you"
Shrek roared with laughter wiping a tear from his eye "Oh yeah? You and what army?" he hissed back at her moving forward. Twilight stepped back as he advanced onto her until she hit her back hit the side of her house.
"I should have known it was you!"
"There are a lot of things you should have seen coming"
Right when you think he's going to have his way with her he instead lights a blunt he pulled out from his ear, jumped up into the air and did a 360. Twilight didn't know what was going on because he blew a puff of dank swamp kush right in her face just as he jumped and without warning Shrek no-scoped slapped Twilight SO hard that she flew THROUGH her tree wall, to the library and the impact was so strong she was sent into a book she collided against named "Boku No Pico" and was forever lost in the annals of time. #Rekt.
Shrek smiled at the damage he had created and proceeded to walk towards the town center where the citizens were obvious huddles. With a loud whistle he summoned Dragon and Donkey to move ahead. Everything was coming together. Shrek himself would become the leader of Ponyville and soon Equestria. After becoming the Ogrelord he would then have more dialogue in the next chapter because I really couldn't think of anything witty this one so I made it so that he would have more backstory next chapter because I'm its a bold move.
Mayor Mare was on stage trying to assure the town that everything would be under control but she was suddenly silenced in an instant after the top of her skull was blown clean off. The loud echo of a shot rung through the ears of every horse within like a 2 mile radius or something. Shrek could be seen walking towards the crowd with a grin from ear to ear. The closer he got, the louder Smash Mouth got.
"It'll all be ogre soon"
Author's Note
This is dumb.
