Kicks smiled as he finished donning on his armor. He truly loved serving princess Luna. Though she did have a meaner streak than her sister, he knew she cared and loved her ponies. Being chosen to guard her had been the best day of his life. He'd never been prouder.
Giggles entered the changing room and Kicks chuckled. "Late again I see."
The other batpony shrugged and threw a smug grin in return. "What can I say, ponies can't get enough of me."
Kicks laughed again. "You tried asking the cook for another dessert again, didn't you?"
Giggles' smile disappeared and his shoulders slumped as he started putting on his armor. "Yes."
A barking laugh kept him company for the whole time he needed to dress himself.
Once done, they flew leisurely to Luna's balcony. The window was open but the room was dark, even for their senses. Kicks suspected Luna used her powers to obscure the room, and wondered why.
"Princess Luna?" he called into the darkness.
A soft whisper, closer to a night breeze than a voice, answered. "Please come..."
He looked at Giggles, who shared his worry. They inched nearer the middle of the room, where they could barely discern a large pony shape. "Are you alright?" he asked.
"Yes..." returned Luna," now that you're here."
The darkness stemming around her vanished, letting moonlight rush in to fill the void.
Two jaws dropped at the sight, mimicked by ears flopping down two skulls. Kicks and Giggles' hearts skipped several beats just as pure fear chilled them to the bone. Giggles whimpered slightly and stepped back whereas Kicks just stared on like a mouse in front of a snake.
Luna lay on her stomach with her forelegs wrapped underneath her, her hindlegs spread out to give her bodyguards a view Kicks never wished to think about. She wagged her tail coyly as she craned her neck to glance at them from the corner of her eye.
She then decided to rise up, turning to them in one graceful whirl. Kicks noticed at this very instant that black stockings covered her legs from hoof to high thigh and instinctively crawled back. She followed, a look of pure carnality which Kicks thought was confined to the seediest Playcolt issues on her face.
When Luna leapt at them, only one thought could be voiced.
"EVERY PONY FOR HIMSELF!"'
**********
Discord strolled down the hall, dribbling a singing wooden cube on the floor with one paw and creeping out everypony he passed when two batponies barreled into view. Flying as fast as their wings could carry them, they zoomed past him, leaving only confusion in their wake. He stopped walking, though his cube kept bouncing forward. It turned into a winged cheese wheel mid-jump and flew away before it bumped into a hoofmaiden.
That was new. Ponies usually ran away from him. He wondered what could have frightened two hardened veterans like that.
Maybe it wanted a friend.
That thought led him to ponder whether he spent too much time with Fluttershy, but a screeching slide made him look back to the end of the hall the batponies came from.
Luna turned her head around, nostrils flaring as she smelled the air. Discord's eyes drifted down to her legs and he suddenly understood precisely just what caused them to smash the wing race record. Then Luna's expression settled into one of pure lust as she caught her bodyguards' scent, and Discord's understanding tripled.
She flew past him with enough speed to send him whirling on himself. He dug his heels into the floor, eventually stopping his body. Then he grabbed his head with both hands and it ceased spinning as well. He smacked the side of his skull and his eyes went back to normal at last.
"Well," he started with a few blinks, "sounds like those ponies need all the help they can get." He rubbed his claw and paw together as he wondered how many walls Luna would crash through if he tripped her when he heard a voice behind him.
"What's the problem?" asked a male servant. "They're about to have the time of their life."
Discord turned to him, goggling. "What?"
A female royal guard spoke next. "He's right." Her voice hushed down to a whisper. "Lucky bastards."
A hoofmaiden sighed dreamily by her side. "It's so romantic..."
"Princess Luna looked so hot in those stockings!" leered an old cook.
"What?" repeated Discord as more ponies came to voice their opinion. "Don't you think it's a little... wrong?"
Another royal guard, a stallion this time, shrugged. "Maybe a little bit," he said, sounding about as sincere as Rainbow Dash claiming she trusted the draconequus with her life. "But it's mostly funny."
And ponies called him crazy?
Several screams echoed deeper in the palace, giving Discord a cue to disappear with a cloud of pink smoke.
He popped back into an existence in another hall. He stared down at the two batponies before him, shaking and chattering. He turned around just in time to see a luststruck Luna rush toward them. She ploughed into him like a mosquito into a windscreen.
She fell off an unperturbed Discord, hindleg twitching slightly.
Kicks and Giggles started kissing his feet. "Thank you thank you thank you!"
Discord grinned devilishly as he spied some ponies joining them, their expression proving they shared the opinions of his earlier interlocutors. "Don't thank me just yet." He snapped the fingers of his paw.
A bright flash flooded the scene. Giggles stood up and shook himself from his stupor, opening his eyes to see Kicks in front of him.
His snout was smaller and rounder, his figure slimmer and curvier and he had eyelashes.
"Why are you a mare!?" they screeched in perfect unison.
Giggles' lips closed into a scowl when she heard a whistle and he turned to glare at a winking royal guard but her retort died in her throat when she saw Luna come back to her senses.
Or rather, his senses.
Luna wobbled up, head lolling about. Muzzle long and sharp, most curves had disappeared from his body and so had his eyelashes.
To her immeasurable regret, his leer hadn't.
"Oh come on!" she half-yelled and half-pleaded. "Why did you do that?"
Discord actually felt bad at her crestfallen look. "Just a lesson to teach."
Luna finally stood to her full height and purred at them with a heavy-lidded gaze. Two shrieks left the batmares' throats, lower-pitched than those that had preceded them, and they fled, Luna hot on their heels.
Discord flew on behind them, lying on the air like on a cushion with his arms stretched behind his head. He nearly patted himself on the back as hostility brewed in the alicorn's wake.
**********
Celestia trudged toward the noisy room, unruly mane stretching onto her neck, bags under her eyes and hips swaying lazily underneath her loosely-tied dressing gown. Boos, hisses and growls grew louder as she closed in, and these were soon replaced with several whistles and howls from mares and stallions alike when she entered. Her shoulders sagged at that, and they slumped further when she saw who stood waiting for her in the middle of the room.
"Discord," she drawled. "What happened?"
He actually looked a little embarrassed. "Your sister kinda sorta tried to rape her bodyguards."
Celestia's eyes bugged out of their orbits, her wings flared and folded of their own accord and she nearly fell to her knees, her jaw hanging open.
Discord found himself wishing she wore dentures, just for the look on the ponies' faces if it had fallen on the floor. "Thankfully, everypony worked hoof in hoof to stop her." He gestured to his left.
Celestia's eyes drifted there mechanically and were met by a tall mass of tight ropes close to her own height. Two hindlegs covered in black fabric stuck out from the bottom and a starry mane, two twitching ears and a long horn extended beyond the top. Mumbling came from the writhing heap of ropes.
"I helped!" he added happily.
The vocal appreciation of Celestia dwindled to a stop at this moment, and several voices boomed as ponies try to get themselves heard.
"Forced sex isn't romantic!" yelled an outraged hoofmaiden.
"Luna's a bitch!" roared a female guard.
"They almost had the worst time of their lives!" screamed a servant at the top of his lungs.
"It isn't funny at all!" shouted a male guard.
"Stallions shouldn't wear stockings!" screeched an old cook.
Celestia looked at her sister's squirming legs. "Oh," she said dully, "so these are stockings." She paused. "...Stallions." She stared at Discord. "What's this talk of stallions?" She glanced to the batponies huddling together in a corner of the room. They shook like leaves. "...and why are they mares?"
Discord's ears perked up and his lips formed a little 'o' at the remark. "Oops, almost forgot." Puffs of polka-dotted smoke materialized around the three concerned ponies and they returned to normal.
Kicks and Giggles cheered, tears flowing freely.
"I'll explain later," said Discord helpfully.
Celestia massaged her forehead with a hoof. "I'm sure I'll love hearing about it."
Discord tapped his fingers together nervously. "Do you know why Luna behaved like that?" She could actually see sweat bead down the side of his head. "She's not in heat, is she?"
The concern for his own safety was clear in his voice.
"Ponies don't go in heat," replied Celestia awkwardly. "To my immense relief." Discord nodded. "And a millennium-long dry spell in the moon couldn't be the reason either, because I'm pretty sure Luna has more than enough fun while visiting the dreams of those who fantasize about her since she came back."
Purrs, whistles and howls followed that statement.
Pink tinted Celestia's cheeks, and she was sure Luna's as well. "Did I say that in public?"
A "HMM HM MM MM!" from the pile of ropes confirmed it.
"...So I don't know what caused this," summed up Celestia uneasily.
Many miles from here, in her throne room, Chrysalis laughed as she watched on the consequences of her lust spell.
Polite coughing distracted her from Celestia's embarrassment. "Why is princess Luna tied up?" asked a male pony.
Discord scratched his forehead. He didn't recall a memory loss effect on that spell.
Celestia, for her part, just stared blankly at the pony. "My sister tried to ravage her unwilling bodyguards," she stated. "Just a little bit."
A pregnant pause filled the room.
"Why would they mind?"
Discord slapped his forehead so hard he knocked himself out.