Home is Where The Pole Is

by Flint Sparks

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy
Length: 5205

An awkward encounter with Shining Armor and a very familiar stripper....

Shining Armor is forced to go to a strip club with 'the boys' and enjoy himself without his wife knowing. There, he meets strangely familiar ponies in a shrouded atmosphere. One particular stripper catches his eye…

Comedy clop by yours truly.

Oh and these guys are awesome for helping me:
TheExhaustedBrony (seriously man, get some sleep)
AfroPony (he's the pone with a 'fro, btw)
and the fearless I HV NO FEAR
The mighty Dege, otherwise known as DegeTheMighty

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-04 20:10:03 UTC

Well this is awkward...

“SURPRISE!”

Somepony ripped off the cloth blindfold on Shining, revealing a technicolor wonderland before his adjusting eyes. Dim lighting, fog, and multi-colored strobe lights greeted him into the land of hopes and dreams. Every stallion grew up dreaming of the day they would first set hoof in this holy ground, the day they would experience life at its fullest. The one place where the world’s weight could be lifted from their backs. The one place where they could be free. The one place where Shining could feel like a real unicorn.

“Strip club?” Shining asked, turning his head to look at his friends with wide grins on their faces. “Really guys?” He only received eager nods in return. One of his many now un-armored guards pushed him through the door, egging him to enter the paradise. Shining sighed, begrudgingly entering someplace he knew to never tread.

"Happy pre-anniversary party!” one of the guards cheered, nudging the stallion as he slipped by. Shining groaned, remembering that tomorrow would be the celebration of his second complete year in holy matrimony. It filled him with great joy to spend pounds of bits on flowers she would never eat, dinner she’d hardly touch, and to end up on the couch if he tried anything more than a small nuzzle.

Cadence had grown into a prude, and it didn't help that he spent most days busy with work. Part of him secretly acknowledged that the fault lied with their stressful lives, not each other. Most days, to his frustration, he couldn’t even get it up.

The club stank of sweat and musk from the aroused stallions and mares inside, each absorbed in their own little world of pleasure and excitement. Like most strip clubs, the establishment was coed and divided by large wall in the middle. This allowed stallions and mares to relax safely without the fear of bumping into the opposite gender and creating unwanted awkward encounters. Only the hired help were permitted to mingle with both sexes; having both the shroud of mystery and lust hiding their identity in their sensual uniforms.

It was a popular tourist attraction for Canterlot nobles on vacation and the Crystal Empire guard. The staff were roughly equally split in race, but crystal mares seemed to dominate the male end. Shining attributed it to their gleaming coats: shiny objects were particularly distracting to stallions, and distracted customers held onto their bits like butter in their hooves.

Curiously enough, one scantily clad unicorn mare was performing on the pole and driving the stallions wild. Shining cocked his head, wondering if it was even possible for ponies to have a figure like Fleur De Lis. Unless Fleur was secretly a stripper (many tabloids suggested so), the unicorn swinging on the pole had a body to die for.

Shining slowly crossed the floor, a sense of dread weighing down his hooves. One of his companions, a grey unicorn, nodded to him as he trotted off to enjoy himself near the pole-dancers. Shining tried to recall his name, but only drew a blank. He was horrible with names, considering that every guard looked exactly the same to him. He wasn’t even particularly close to any of them; they just partied together whenever the kingdom wasn’t in terrible danger or facing catastrophe.

Despite the instinctual urge to relieve himself of pent-up stress and just enjoy himself, Shining abstained and approached the bar. Sitting next to a fellow unicorn stallion on a cushioned stool, Shining ordered a drink. Piña Coltada: shaken, not stirred.

The brown coated bartender raised an eyebrow, surprised to see the prince of the Crystal Empire in his bar. As per proper bartender etiquette, the bartender served the prince without calling attention to his unique status. Without his royal attire, he looked like another noble from Canterlot.

Shining took his mixed drink and gingerly sipped it, wondering how long it’d be until he could slip away from his guard. He knew Cadence wasn’t waiting for him, being particular to late nights out as of late. A cold bed awaited, and he knew it was much better than the alternative he risked treading dangerous waters. If there was one thing the Princess of Love couldn’t stand, it was strip clubs.

“If I ever catch you nosing around in that… filth ever again, I swear that it’ll be the last time you’ll ever use that horn again!”

Shining shuddered at the memory. He had personally attended to a small-time burglary case, and had stopped by the club to ask around for any witnesses. Word had traveled to his wife and she had jumped to the worst conclusion. She was a fair mare and princess, but unfaithful partners were one of the few things in the world that incurred her wrath.

“You alright, buddy?” the unicorn next to him grunted. Shining jolted as his consciousness resurfaced. The unicorn ran a hoof through his blonde mane, stifling a laugh. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Sorry,” Shining said, his hooves shaking as he set his drink down. He slumped and held his head with both hooves. “It’s just… my wife will kill me.”

The stallion merely patted Shining’s back with a jolly laugh. “If I had a bit every time I heard that… I’d have even more money!” The declaration threw the stallion into a fit as he laughed and pounded the counter with his hoof. Shining let him take a moment to catch his breath and wipe the tears from his eyes.

“Let me guess, Canterlot?” Shining raised an eyebrow. The blonde stallion laughed and nodded.

“Yes sir. Born and raised. I live with my dear auntie.” The stallion took a swig of a flask that Shining hadn’t noticed before. “It’s nice to take a vacation every once in awhile. Get away from all those gold-diggers…”

Shining couldn’t help but release a small chuckle. Cheering up, he made eye contact with the drinking stallion. “You have that problem too? Gets annoying, doesn’t it?” The day was never complete until he had received a letter of proposal from a prospective mare. Shining obviously said no, already happily married to his wife.

“You have no idea. I get a bad name for it too! If she’s after me for my money, then how am I the monster for wanting the door opened for me? Why do I have to be Prince Charming? Open the bucking door yourself!” The stallion finished his flask with a satisfied smack.

“Oh, I get it. All this talk about equality and they want your money AND manners?” Shining and the stallion burst into laughter. Alicorn princesses being the exception, gender barriers were uncommon in society nowadays. Only the most snobbish ponies expected to be treated different.

The two laughed for some time, ordering and drinking the finest cocktails north of Canterlot. Shining’s royal duties forbid him from getting drunk, but his inebriated state reasoned that he had already passed beyond the point of no return. All or nothing! it screamed.

“Whoa mate, watch it there,” the blonde unicorn warned, placing his hoof on Shining’s as he lifted a new shot. Shining reluctantly turned his head up. “Don’t you want to enjoy this lovely establishment? Hard to do if you’re throwing up.”

Shining nodded. “Yeah.”

The stallion rotated in his stool and addressed the bartender. “Hey buddy, how much does it cost for some fun around here?” A shiver of foreboding raced across Shining’s back. He opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly interrupted.

“Forty bits, last time I checked. Depends on the mare in question.”

As if on cue, Shining heard the hoof steps of a mare approaching from his right and leaping onto the stool next to him. He whipped his head around, thoughts of his wife’s fury pounding into his drunken skull.

Now his mind drew a blank, his wife forgotten. A young crystal mare, sparkling sapphire coat and blue irises, stared at him with half-lidded eyes. Shining gulped and leaned back. The mare stifled a giggle with one hoof and traced a circle on the counter with the other. Her mane was darkened by the dim lighting, but Shining could tell it was a much darker shade of her coat. Like a few of the staff, the mare sported a black gem-embroidered mask around her eyes.

The blonde stallion and brown bartender exchanged bemused looks as Shining’s face slowly turned shades of pink.

“Ooh, you’re a cutie!” the mare cooed as she rubbed her cheeks in her hooves. She dropped them and gave a teasing smile. Her eyes twinkled like her coat, serene and crystal. “How about a dance, stud?”

The bartender raised his eyebrow. Rarely did one of the hired help offer their services for free. Rarely because the guest caught their fancy, and rarer still that it led to ‘other’ activities. Completely legal, of course; if no bits were exchanged, that is.

Shining, for the first time since he had become captain of the guard, stuttered. “I-I d-don’t d-d-dance!” He gave a meek grin, hoping the mare would leave him and his loins alone. His eyes shifted to the left, hoping for his new friend to bail him out. In hindsight, he found that to be a mistake.

The other unicorn whistled, summoning the single unicorn among the help. Sweaty and tired from her routine on the pole, the voluptuous pink mare trotted to the small group and ready for business.

Shining couldn’t help but stare at her, earning an irritated glare from the crystal mare. The pink unicorn, having a body that models would kill for, was wearing a skin-tight leather jacket, two black boots, and white panties that covered her cutie mark. Her multi-colored mane was a disheveled ponytail, creating a punkish style look. Only half her face was concealed in her dark mask, creating an air of mystery.

The unicorn mare bowed to the stallion. “You called, master?”

Shining glared daggers at the stallion, impaling him with blades of jealousy. The blonde smirked and stuck out his tongue.

“I’m a regular, what can I say?” He shrugged. The crystal mare hopped off and briefly spoke in hushed whispers to her co-worker during the stallions’ exchange. The two mares separated a moment later.

Shining’s train of thought crashed when gravity reversed. The panic quickly dissipated when he noticed the pink aura of magic levitating him. The upside-down stallion pouted as his friend sighed in anticipation for things to come. The pink mare trotted out the bar’s exit and onto the multi-color flashing dance floor. She bumped past dancing stallions to the edge of the room and deposited the stallions onto two armchairs designed for relaxation.

“Uh…” Shining tried to conjure a coherent sentence. The blonde shook his head and placed a hoof on his lips, ordering him to stay silent. The punkish pink mare trotted up to the blonde and began her dance, wiggling her flank onto his lap. Shining felt a twinge of jealousy.

The source of his twinge was rudely pushed down as he felt a weight fall onto his lap. Shining’s muscles froze as every instinct in his body screamed run for your life! Shining slowly brought his gaze up to the mare on his lap. She smiled and licked her lips, a half-lidded look in her eyes. Sitting sideways, her twisted torso gave Shining Armor a complete view of her curves and flexibility. His heads competed with each other on his next course of action.

Despite the alcohol clouding his judgment, Shining knew all too well what that expression conveyed. His wife had given him that look every night of their honeymoon. Fear rose inside him, along with other things.

“Somepony’s happy to see me,” the mare chided as she grinded her plot against his lap. He could feel something cool and wet rubbing against his shaft, only sending electric sensations across his spear. Shining resisted, but his loins ultimately betrayed him. The mare’s grinding grew more erratic as his girth enlarged; her sapphire face slowly turned ruby.

A cool hoof lay on Shining’s chest, causing his fur to stand on end as it traveled down. The hoof slid across his chest, massaging his toned muscles. Shining gasped at the touch. Despite being their ruler, he had never felt the intimate touch of a crystal pony. Masseuses’, yes. He could tell she was aroused judging by her scent, but discovered that crystal ponies grow cool rather than hot when horny.

If he weren’t married, he’d be designing several applications of his discovery. We could have a threes-

Shining shook the thought out of his head and began to stand up. The crystal mare frowned and placed her hooves on his shoulders and heaved. Without sobriety balancing him, Shining fell back onto the chair and rolled his head backwards.

Seeing a moment of opportunity, the crystal mare swung her hind leg over Shining’s lap to straddle him and tightened her thighs’ grip. Before he could react, his mind and body relaxed as cool hooves rubbed against his tense shoulders, relieving the building tension.

The mare grinned; her cooler hooves absorbed the stressed heat from his muscles as she kneaded them. Now getting him to warm back up would be therapeutic as well as pleasurable.

Shining let out an involuntary groan as his eyes rolled back. He slowly fought back the approaching fog of sleep and sat back up into the waiting lips of the crystal stripper.

Shining closed his eyes as a crystalline tongue slipped in and traced along his teeth. Cool hooves rubbed his back as the mare rubbed her chest against his, taking in the sensation of his coarse fur. His body tingled, his coat standing on end and brushing against hers.

She squeezed her hind legs together, squeezing his length in between her thighs and making it poke her winking marehood. He moaned in pleasure, deepening the kiss and relaxing.

His hooves wrapped around her barrel, softly caressing her crystal coat. It had a soothing chill, not necessarily lethargic but relaxing. Oddly enough, the musk was more than enough to keep him up, temperature aside.

It felt right. For once, Shining didn’t feel like a miserable husk of a stallion. A mare was on his lap, believing him to be cute. Cute! He hadn’t been called that since Twilight had teased him in Canterlot about his love life. Not even when he had been married. He felt respected. He felt cherished. He felt… wanted.

Lust filled the hole in his chest, a hole he had no idea existed until now. How ironic, marrying the alicorn of love had drilled a hole inside his heart. Shining had no contempt for her, merely a lingering sadness that he, captain of the guard and all that the princesses’ stood for, had failed holy matrimony.

He hardly noticed the cool, sticky liquid covering his stallionhood as the mare’s lips grew hungrier. Shining’s lust diminished as she became needier and needier, as if she was trying to eat his muzzle. The feeling of respect he had received was gone. Her arousal grew, dripping onto his grinding cock and forcing a small cry of desire to escape her lips.

The mare’s quiet moan rustled Shining back to consciousness and sent life to his limbs, allowing him to push the mare off the seat. The dancer whimpered and leaped at him, struggling against his flailing arms to resume their embrace. Shining worriedly acknowledge the dampening pool on his lap where the mare had been suggestively bouncing.

The other stallion was not so down on his luck.

Sighing in content, the blonde unicorn leaned back and placed his hooves under his skull. He felt the coarse tail brush across his nethers as his favorite dancer busted her moves and wiggled her plot. It was a sight to behold. It took every ounce of his willpower to resist throwing his hooves on that tight plot and rutting her on the spot. Besides, that’d take too much effort.

The lazy stallion flexed his crotch and felt his member twitch. Tonight a special magazine awaited him in his hotel room; one of his servants mentioned a special foldable worth saving.

A sight beheld him as a single eye opened. His friend, obviously the prince himself, was struggling with the clingy crystal stripper. He bit his lip as he watched the mare pucker hers and try to smooch the distraught prince. Best prank ever.

“Alright Blue, that’s enough,” the stallion whispered to himself. He was already pushing the “forget-me-not” spell enough to avoid recognition. Celestia forbid that Shining find out about his little joke later. Prince Blueblood grinned and smacked the pink unicorn’s plot, eliciting a shocked cry.

She turned her head, frowning at him. “A little rough, are we?”

Blueblood’s ears drooped as he apologetically massaged the reddening area on her flank. The masked dancer gasped at the touch and shuddered, closing her eyes.

“That’s better…” she whispered. Now that he had her attention and calmed her down, Blueblood saw his chance.

“Hey Candy,” he said. “My buddy is having a tough time. Mind if we… switch?” He jerked his head toward the trapped Shining Armor and the voracious sparkling mare. ‘Candy’ tilted her head and eyed the mare.

While she knew that ‘Opal’ had dibs on the stallion, she wouldn’t mind having a new audience for a change. She didn’t have a chance to get a good look at him considering he had been sitting higher up on the stool earlier, the dim lighting, and the fact her mask made everything that much harder to see, but she could tell he was pretty cute. Deciding that was enough, she nodded her approval.

Blueblood’s horn lit up as a devilish grin spread on his beautiful face. The arc of magic struck Shining, who barely had time to yelp as the world around him disappeared in a flash of sapphire light.

Shining’s vision returned, along with some of his sanity. He shook his head and cleared his thoughts when something brushed against his crotch. His eyes flicked down to see a dyed pink tail brush back and forth, teasing his member. Happy horn rose to show his approval.

He could smell her hormones. Simply irresistible.

“Bad! Bad horn! He must remain faithful to his wife!” Rationality screamed inside his unconscious as the pink unicorn backed up and rubbed against his length with her panties. Shining found it disturbingly comfortable... As if this was how it was supposed to be. A crystal mare’s unique cool coat was a novelty, but nothing beat the heat of a unicorn mare.

“It’s okay. It’ll be alright. I got this.” Hormones took over the stallion’s cognitive faculties. Shining’s tongue flopped out of his mouth as he began panting in lust and panic. The way she grinded her plot against him… if it weren’t for her panties, he would have speared her already.

It was that moment in time that Shining finally understood the purpose of Cadence’s lacy lingerie.

The conflicted stallion shuddered as the pink tail trailed up his chest and lightly flicked off his chin. The mare was a tease, and a sexy one at that. As impossible as it might be, Shining silently admitted the mare before him was just as beautiful as his wife...

Smack!

“Eep!” ‘Candy’ squealed as she felt two hooves grasp her flank. She tried to turn around and lecture the stallion on proper club behavior, but his grip on her flank pulled her backwards. Previously grinding against his crotch, she was now being dry humped by the lounging stallion.

Shining thrust forward, rubbing his extended member as much as he could against the skin tight fabric. Happy horn quivered in anticipation, waiting for his chance to get a hug. His hooves traveled across wondrous flanks as he leaned forward, enjoying the small but tight plot. He traced the lacy edges of her white panties, wondering whether or not he should rip them off and sink his teeth into her cutie mark.

“Okay honey, that’s enough,” the mare warned. Occasionally a guest would get particularly feisty and be forced to learn some manners the hard way. Shining continued to ignore her protests and wiped his precum over her panties like a tissue. ‘Candy’ pulled against his hooves, but surprising strength hid itself in the unicorn. She shook her head and prepared what amounted to a last resort.

“Alright, this is your last chance,” she said. Shining grunted and rubbed against her, beginning to tear the silk. She sighed, wondering what kind of sex life he led to be so desperate. To be fair, stallions could be prude too. Her significant other was one, in fact. ‘Candy’ planted her leather-clothed front hooves and braced herself. Counting to three, she reared up her hind legs and bucked.

Shining Armor, having been captain of the guard before ruling the Crystal Empire, was no stranger to combat. As soon as he felt the flanks rotate to buck, he reacted and brought both hooves in front of his face. He pushed them to the sides as his mare’s legs kicked out, deflecting the buck. Rather than let her fall off-balance, he brought his hooves down and pinned her legs on the chair’s arms.

‘Candy’s’ eyes shot wide open as she processed her new predicament. A sense of dread poured into her brain as she looked to the side for assistance. Unfortunately for her, Blueblood and the crystal mare were too busy eating each other’s muzzles to care about her entrapment.

Using his magic to hold her boots down, Shining ran his hooves up her legs, causing her to shudder at the gentle touch. ‘Candy’ fell silent and stopped struggling, waiting for his next move as her heartbeat raced.

Rather than continue his animalistic humping, Shining began a slow, sensual grind against her. She was just as tall at the armchair, so placing her hind legs on the armrests hadn’t changed his access to the wondrous flanks present.

‘Candy’ closed her eyes as Shining took charge, slowly rubbing his member against her eroding panties. Now that he was being gentle, she didn’t feel like a bag of meat and could actually enjoy herself. He reminded her of her husband; powerful, but able to pleasure a mare with gentle hooves.

She had tried to hold it in, but her panties began to dampen as Shining continually probed her clit. She heard his groan as his horn quivered underneath, threatening to explode with his magic. ‘Candy’ bit her lip as her mind raced, coming to a decision. Her body abruptly betrayed her thoughts.

Shining licked his lips as he heard his mare moan in lust, alerting him that she in fact wanted his dick. “You want it, huh? Don’t ya!” he teased with a hard thrust for emphasis.

“Do it.”

Shining immediately stopped his own dance and stared at her.

“What?” he asked, nonplussed. ‘Candy’ stomped the ground with a hoof, anger edging her on. She was a mare with needs too! Slow and sensual was how she liked her foreplay, and dammit he finally gave it to her! Now was the time to finish her off.

“I said do it! Rip them off! Mount me! Rut me! Fuck me!” she hissed with lustful venom, causing the stallion to flinch back and turn his ears back. Shining felt a sense of foreboding, but nodded. All thoughts of his wife had been replaced with images of strippers.

Shining lifted his hooves, allowing ‘Candy’ to set her hind legs back on the ground. Rather than wait for his answer, she merely stretched her front hooves forward and her plot to the air. If Shining ever had an invitation to mount a complete stranger, this was probably it. He finally lifted himself off the chair and fell onto top of the mare.

“Ouch! Careful!” the mare hissed, wincing as Shining set his full weight on her. Hooves wrapped around her belly as the warm glow of magic enchanted her panties to tear them off.

“All in?” Shining asked, his drunken mind intent on rutting the mare. Rather than answer, ‘Candy’ slightly spread her hind legs and invited him inside.

Shining slowly brought it in, the dripping juices easily lubricating his divine endowment.

“Slow?” he asked, starting with small thrusts and working his way up to speed. She shook her head in refusal.

“I like it rough. I’m wet and I want it now!” she demanded, pushing her plot further up and ramming it against Shining.

Shining winced, taking a moment to collect himself before he began his spear barrage. Dick in, dick out. He recalled the brief moments in his life where some pink alicorn had the fortune of being pleasured by him and replicated those movements. Lifting up with his hind legs, he thrusted up, attacking his mare’s clit with his dick.

‘Candy’ gasped, tears rolling down her cheeks as her insides heated up with passion. It had been far too long since her last time, far too long. She closed her eyes and tilted her head as Shining leaned on top of her to nip her ear. It flicked away, but he managed to grip it lightly.

She whinnied softly at his gentle tugging, her ears twitching between his incisors. His breath was warm against her coat, relaxing her muscles further. It was equally relaxing and inticing, a sensation she hadn’t felt for months.

He lingered for a moment, taking in the scent of her mane. It smelt like fresh strawberries on a warm summer afternoon, ripe for picking. For a moment he stopped to savor the sacred scent.

Slow, rolling hips continued their motion. Shining moved his forelegs, tenderly massaging the mare’s belly as his captain’s spear rubbed inside ‘Candy’s’ folds. His member pulsed as the hot walls massaged it.

While his other head was occupied, Shining moved his down to the mare’s neck. Lightly, sensually, and carefully he would place his lips upon it, leaving behind a trail of kisses. She cooed, standing still and receptive to his sudden affectionate grace.

Her heart fluttered like her eyelashes as he kissed her shoulder, a warm sensation of passion filling the hole in her heart. She would have to thank the stranger later for pairing her up with the wondrous stallion inside her. Her mask was enchanted to mask the appearance of the clients, instead shrouding them in an auric glow. She could tell everypony apart, but specifically recognized none.

It was like she was in love all over again.

Shining returned ‘Candy’s’ sentiment, his entire being engulfed in a fierce inner fire. It had started in his loins, but surged through his nerves and directly into his heart. The mare underneath was his mate now and no law could change that.

Shining and ‘Candy’ were doing what nature had intended for the little ponies: making love. No longer were they merely rutting and exchanging juices. They were exchanging hearts.

The shift in mood only encouraged Shining, hardening his lover-sword as he began to pick up the pace. His rolls evolved into waves as thrust after thrust as he pounded her relentlessly. Pant after pant left her lungs, leaving her breathless at his performance. His dick brushed against her center repeatedly, increasing her arousal to euphoric levels. Her vision flashed red as her heart beat against her chest. She was ready.

Her folds tightened around him, slowing him down as they tightly hugged inside. He gasped at the sensation, panting with passion and lust.

A building pressure amounted inside her, threatening to release at any moment. It was time.

“I-I’m about to…” she started, gasping for breath as Shining’s humps intensified. He merely grunted, rolling his hips with his leviathan slithering through her hold. Two thrusts later allowed him to process her words.

“Seriously?” he groaned with a twisted thrust. “That’s pretty fast.”

“Hey!” she complained. “I hadn’t had a good rutting for three months! I’m making up for lost time!” Shining rolled his eyes. Typical mares and their needs.

“Well. neither. have. I!” Shining grunted each word with a thrust before taking a small breather. His beaver’s nerves pulsed with new blood, threatening to release his lust and frustration into the mare. Shining let out a small chuckle. “And I’m married too!”

“...” The two ponies grew silent.

“Buck,” Shining cursed. “I’m married.” Images of his soon-to-be ex-wife flooded his mind’s eye as the incoming dread stamped divorce on his forehead. Inside his mind, Hormones was being gang-banged by the other personifications as Rationality tried to salvage his doomed marriage.

“Uh, I am too…” the mare replied, pawing the ground with her hoof in guilt. The two ponies gave a collective sigh, finally realizing how dirty the situation was.

Shining hung his (rational) head in regret. “Wow, I’m really stupid, aren’t I? I make it two years being faithful to my wife and I just have to cheat the night before our anniversary!” He brought his hooves up to punch something, but set them down when only glorious plot was in his way. He was an idiot and a pervert, but he would never abuse a mare. Especially when he was still inside her.

“So did I…” ‘Candy’ sighed. “My poor husband. Maybe I really was a prude all this time? I shouldn’t have hounded on him for all the work, he IS a prince after all…”

Shining sighed, giving a pathetic thrust. “You have no idea how much I feel for you. I give her a hard time for not making time when I’m the one always working and sleeping late.” Shining’s grip around her belly slackened as he lay atop her, sighing in defeat.

“Oh Shining…” ‘Candy’ sighed.

“Oh Cadence…” Shining answered.

“...” Cadence turned her head and looked at her husband with wide eyes, her jaw threatening to drop to the ground. Shining’s eye twitched in shock.

“Well, this is awkward,” Shining commented as he began to pull out. Cadence stomped her hoof, drawing his attention once more.

“Make me cum and this never happened.”

“Deal.”

His crossbow quivered, shooting his liquid pride inside her.

Bonus Epilogue

Shining closed his journal, sitting on top of his rocking chair as his teenage son and daughter lay upon his bed and politely listened. He conjured a glass of water with magic and chugged it down to soothe his dry throat.

“Well kids, that is the story about how I kind of cheated on your mother but didn’t really.” Shining adjusted his reading glasses as he stashed the book away for another night. He turned to shoo his children out, but his tangerine son raised a hoof.

“Yes, Passion Fruit?”

His son cocked his head, his electric blue mane covering his eyes. It was supposed to be an ‘edgy’ look, but made him look like a complete filly. “Uh, dad. That was a nice story and all, but…”

“What is it, son?”

“Okay, okay.” Passion played with a pillow as he spoke. “You sat us down to tell us how mom and you met…”

“Yes, go on…”

“Then why’d it take nine bucking years?!”