Dashie's Inebriated Misadventures

by Twiggles6

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Berry Punch, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 5032

When the latest cider season rolls around, Rainbow Dash once again finds herself missing out. But Berry Punch offers Rainbow Dash a taste of her bar's newest drink, made from Apple Family Cider. Rainbow Dash has never been drunk. Shenanigans ens

It is once again cider season in Ponyville, but something is different. Berry Punch has already bought the first day's cider stock to use in her newest drink down at her bar, The Tipsy Trough. Needless to say, Rainbow Dash is not amused.
By the time she gets there, it's already been used to make beverages for the bar. So not a single drop of pure cider is left until tomorrow.
Will Rainbow Dash wait for tomorrow and hope to get the cider she craves? Or will she throw caution to the wind and try an alcoholic version instead?
With a title like this, is the question even worth asking? :P

More characters MIGHT be added as the story continues. Including OCs with MINOR roles.

Rated teen for alcohol use/references, and mild sexual themes later on.

Current cover image is a placeholder until the actual one is done.

Published 2013-09-25 14:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-25 16:06:14 UTC

It's Just Cider, Right?

It was a beautiful morning in Ponyville as the sun rose, shining Celestia’s glorious light over Sweet Apple Acres. As beautiful as the scenery was however, it was anything but peaceful as an indignant pegasus shouted for all to hear.

“What do you mean there’s no cider today?!” Rainbow Dash yelled as Big Macintosh stood his ground in the doorway of the Apple family’s home.

“Just what ah said.” Big Mac replied. “AJ took today’s cider to town to sell to Berry Punch.”

“Berry Punch?” Rainbow Dash asked. “She bought ALL of the cider?!”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac said with a nod. “We’ll have more tomorrow though, so come back then.”

“Tomorrow?” Rainbow Dash groaned. “But the first day of cider season was supposed to be today! I even got here before Pinkie Pie for once!”

“Well that’s because we told everyone that cider season was comin’ a day late, remember?” Granny Smith said as she approached the doorway.

“You what now?” Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t’cha remember?” Granny Smith asked. “Ah told Applejack to spread the word about the delay last weekend. Didn’t she tell ya?”

“No!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “She didn’t say a word to me!”

“Well that’s mighty strange then.” Granny Smith said, stroking her chin with a hoof.

“I’ll say. I’m gonna find her and give her a piece of my mind!” Rainbow proclaimed before launching into the sky towards Ponyville.

“Thank you kindly fer the sampler, Miss Berry Punch.” Applejack said as she and Berry Punch exited The Tipsy Trough, Berry Punch’s bar. “Ah hope yer new drink sells well.”

“Oh, me too.” Berry Punch said, clapping her hooves in excitement. “I’ve always loved your family’s cider, and I just knew it would make a great mixer. Thanks so much for putting off the public sale for a day to stock me up.”

“Think nothin of it.” Applejack said with a tip of her hat. “It’s a pleasure doin business with ya. In fact-”

“Applejack!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she fell from the sky and tackled Applejack to the ground.

“AGH! What in tarnation?!” Applejack exclaimed, dazed from the impact. “What’s the big idea, Rainbow Dash?”

“Hey! That’s my line!” Rainbow said. “What’s with the delay on the cider? And why didn’t you tell me about it, huh?”

“Ah didn’t say anything because ah knew you’d make a fuss when ah told ya.” Applejack said, rolling Rainbow off of herself and standing up.

“So you let me find out like this, the day it was supposed to start?” Rainbow asked, rising to her hooves as well. “Did you think this would go over better or something?”

“Well, no.” Applejack admitted. “But can you blame me for not wantin’ to tell ya? See how over the top you go with the stuff?”

“Well… You still should have told me.” Rainbow said, huffing a bit.

“Well ah’m sorry about that.” Applejack said. “It was wrong of me to trick you, but you still have to wait for tomorrow like everypony elese.”

“Actually, you could have some now if you wanted.” Berry Punch said.

“You sure, Berry?” Applejack asked. “Ah don’t know if she’s ever drank before.”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’ve drank plenty of things.”

“That’s not what ah mean, Sugarcube.” Applejack said. “Have you ever even had alcohol before?”

“Oh. THAT kind of drinking.” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes. “Nah. I never bothered with the stuff. What’s the point if all it does is make you act weird? It doesn’t even taste good.”

“Well what kinds have you had?” Berry Punch asked, suddenly seeming much more interested in the conversation.

“Well, I tried a bit of Buckweiser once.” Rainbow Dash admitted. “The stuff was nasty, so I swore off it.”

“Well there’s your problem!” Berry Punch exclaimed before running into her bar, leaving the doors swinging back and forth behind her. Seconds later, she returned with a stein full of frothy brown liquid. “Here. Try this.”

“What is it?” Rainbow Dash asked as she took the mug from Berry and gave it a short sniff. “Is this cider?!” She exclaimed, eyes going wide and mouth watering.

“Well it has cider in it.” Berry said. “It’s my newest drink. I call it the Applejack.”

“Ah still say ya don’t have to call it that.” Applejack said, blushing and looking away.

“It’s a mix of Apple Family cider, and some good old fashioned whisky.” Berry Punch said.

“So it’s alcoholic?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I made it in a bar, Rainbow.” Berry Punch said with a giggle. “I think it’s safe to assume it has alcohol in it.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Rainbow said, holding the mug away from herself. “I told you I don’t like the taste of alcohol, so no.”

“But Rainbow Dash, it isn’t the same as the stuff you had.” Berry said, gently pushing the mug back toward Rainbow.  “You can’t let a can of nasty old Buck ruin drinking for you.”

“You sure?” Rainbow asked. “I just assumed all alcohol tasted the same.”

Berry Punch let out a loud gasp in response. “Rainbow Dash! Of course it doesn’t! There’s so many different kinds that it would be impossible to memorize all of them with all the time in the world.” She said dreamily, staring off into space. “I tell you what.” She said, focusing back on Rainbow Dash. “Just try one sip of it. If you don’t like it, then I won’t bother you about it again.”

“Well. Alright.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “But only because I’d have to wait till tomorrow for cider if I don’t.” She said, bringing the mug a bit closer to her face and sniffing it again. After what seemed like an overly dramatic buildup, she finally tipped the mug towards herself and took a tiny sip.

The instant the liquid hit her tongue she knew it was Apple Family cider. The sweet taste was unmistakable to her, having been so enamored with the beverage since her first taste years ago. But then there was another flavor as well. It was kind of a hot, bitter taste that left a slight burning, tingling sensation in her throat before settling in her stomach.

“Well?” Berry Punch asked, leaning forward expectantly. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know.” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s kind of hot. But nice at the same time.” She said, taking another, more courageous sip.

“That would be the whisky.” Berry said. “I used top shelf stuff for this drink. Don’t wanna spare any expense for your first time.”

“Ahh.” Rainbow sighed as she brought the stein down. “This is actually pretty good.” She said as she raised the mug one last time and polished off her drink. “Thanks Berry.” She said, wiping the extra liquid from her mouth and handing the mug back to Berry Punch.

“Not a problem, Rainbow Dash.” Berry said as she took the stein. “You can come and get more when I open the bar this afternoon if you like. You’ll have to pay for it like everypony else though.”

“Well, I dunno.” Rainbow said, still feeling the pleasant warmth in her belly. “I guess I’ll think about it.”

“Alright.” Berry punch said with a nod. “Anyways, I’ll see ya when I see ya.” She said, turning and going back into the bar.

“So Applejack.” Rainbow Dash said, turning to her friend. “I never took you for a drinker.”

“Well ah don’t drink all the time or nothin.” Applejack said, hooking herself up to a nearby cart. “Ah just do it occasionally. Ya know. Special occasions.”

“Like what?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’ve never seen anypony drinking at any of your family reunions.”

“Well that’s because we don’t drink at reunions.” Applejack said. “When ah drink, it’s usually only after a really long day in the orchard.”

“That’s a special occasion?” Rainbow asked. “A long day?”

“You’d be surprised the kind of tension you can get out with a drink or two after a hard day’s work.” Applejack said. “And the kinds of special occasions ah’m talkin about are things like weddings and such.”

“Right.” Rainbow Dash said. “How much do you usually have when-”

“Don’t you have work today or somethin?” Applejack asked, cutting Rainbow off mid-sentence.

“Right! I gotta get going!” Rainbow Dash said. “That sky won’t clear itself. See ya later Applejack.” She said as she soared off into the sky.

“Man, today was a killer!” Rainbow sighed, wiping some sweat from her brow as she touched down. “I don’t think cloud busting has ever taken me so much time and energy. If only there was some CIDER today.” She said into the sky. Looking into the sky for a few seconds, she hung her head and sighed. “But of course, Berry Punch got all of it today.” She said just before gasping and looking straight in the direction of the Tipsy Trough. “That’s right! Berry got all of it today.” She said as she began walking in the direction of the bar. “But it’s all alcoholic now.” RD said as she stopped in her tracks. “But it was pretty good this morning.” She thought, trying to decide whether or not to pay Berry a visit.

“You’d be surprised the kind of tension you can get out with a drink or two after a hard day’s work.” Applejack’s voice sounded in her head. After about a minute of silent deliberation, Rainbow Dash nodded her head and began walking toward the bar again. “Yeah. I’ll just have a drink or two.” She said, picking up her pace a bit. “I can take a bit of booze. What’s the worst that could happen?” She asked herself as she approached the swinging doors.

Something Spooky

“Come on, Rainbow Dash.” Berry Punch said, tilting Rainbow’s head back up as she supported the sloshed pegasus on her shoulder. “You’ve gotta help me out here. I don’t know exactly where you live.”

“Aw, it’s kay.” Rainbow said, pushing Berry Punch away a bit harder than she meant to. “I can get home on my own.

Just watch.” She said as she took three steps forward and fell flat on her face.

“Rainbow! Are you alright?” Berry asked, trotting to Rainbow Dash’s side.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Rainbow Dash said, getting up and dusting herself off. “Someone just put the ground in my way. No biggie.”

“Rainbow, try to stay with me.” Berry sighed as she tried to hold Rainbow up again.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Rainbow Dash asked, snickering loudly.

“Get you to bed?” Berry asked, hopeful that some lucidity remained in Rainbow Dash’s cider addled brain.

“Tch! No!” Rainbow said, still laughing to herself. “C’mon. Guess again.”

“I don’t know. What?” Berry asked, deciding it best to just play along for the moment.

“It’s been way too long since I did this. Like, first season long!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“First what now?” Berry asked, raising an eyebrow at Rainbow.

“No no no! Hear me out first!” Rainbow said, putting a hoof over Berry’s mouth. “Shh. No tears now. Only dreams.”

Berry pushed Rainbow’s hoof away from herself. “What are you-”

“Let’s go prank some ponies!” Rainbow shouted before darting off in a random direction, leaving a wobbling rainbow streak as she went.

“Rainbow Dash! Wait!” Berry shouted. “This can’t possibly end well.” She thought as she bolted in the direction Rainbow Dash had gone.

Rainbow Dash bumped into objects as she flew over the rooftops, unceremoniously knocking a few weathervanes over and barely missing several chimneys. After fluttering for some time, she managed to spot what would be her first group of prank victims.

“Ah dunno.” Applebloom said. “Are you sure we should be out this late?”

“Well duh.” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes. “We aren’t gonna find him in the daytime.”

“But Zecora didn’t say anything about him only appearing at night.” Sweetie Belle said. She yawned loudly as if to punctuate her sentence. “I say we go home and go to bed.”

“What’s the matter?” Scootaloo asked, turning to face Sweetie Belle. “You scared?” She asked with a smirk.

Sweetie Belle yawned loudly and rubbed her eyes with a hoof. “Sorry. What did you say?” She asked.

“I said are you scared?” Scootaloo repeated.

“What? Nah. Thanks for asking though.” Sweetie Belle said with a weak smile.

“No, that’s not what I- Ugh…” Scootaloo groaned. “Nevermind. Let’s just keep looking.”

“Are ya sure Zecora wasn’t just tellin’ a scary story?” Applebloom suggested. “Just cause there’s a story about Slendermane don’t mean he’s real.”

“Tell you guys what.” Scootaloo said, stopping and addressing her friends. “If we don’t find him tonight, we’ll give it up. If we do, then we can definitely get our slender slayer cutie marks!”

“Ah’ll ask again.” Applebloom said. “What would a cutie mark like that even look like?”

“SURPRISE!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she dropped from the sky in the middle of the three fillies.

All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders leapt into the air, screaming at the top of their lungs just before zooming off in different directions. A couple of seconds later, they realized just who had surprised them and poked their heads out from their hiding places.

“R- Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked, slowly peering out from behind a rain barrel. “What are you doing here?”

“Yeah! Ya nearly scared us half to death!” Applebloom exclaimed as she jumped out of the well she had hidden herself in.

“I’m not sleepy anymore.” Sweetie Belle said, walking stiffly around a nearby corner with her eyes wide. She was shaking visibly and chattering her teeth. “Can we go home soon?”

Rainbow Dash simply sat down in between the three fillies and began laughing a half-repressed, snorting laugh. “I got you good, didn’t I?” She asked, her speech barely intelligible.

“Yeah. Heh heh.” Scootaloo chuckled nervously. “I guess you did.”

“Rainbow Dash, why would you do somethin’ like that?” Applebloom asked, sniffing the air slightly. “And why does yer breath smell like mah auntie Vineyard?” She asked, recoiling slightly.

“You should have seen the looks on your faces.” Rainbow said, giving out another loud snort.

“Rainbow Dash, there you are!” Berry Punch shouted as she galloped over to the chuckling mare. “Come on, we need to get you home.”

“What’s going on, Berry Punch?” Scootaloo asked. “What’s up with Rainbow Dash? She’s acting sorta… Weird.” She said, pausing as Rainbow Dash stood up and started wobbling back and forth a bit.

“Oh, she just isn’t feeling well right now.” Berry said. “I’ve seen how this little filly looks up to RD. I can’t tell her she’s been drinking. Nothing good can come of it.” “I’m just helping her home to get some rest.”

“Oh, okay.” Scootaloo said. “Her house is just up by that cloud there.” She said, pointing a hoof towards a large cloud in the distance. “I hope you feel better soon, Rainbow Dash.”

“Thank you very much.” Berry Punch said, putting a hoof around Rainbow Dash’s withers and leading her forward. “I’ll see you girls later. Get home and get to bed though. You shouldn’t be out this late.” She said as she walked away with Rainbow Dash in tow.

“Okay Berry Punch. We will.” All three of the CMC said simultaneously. They waited until the older ponies were out of earshot before turning back to each other.

“Okay, girls.” Scootaloo said. “That was weird, but let’s keep going.”

“Ah don’t know.” Applebloom said with a sigh. “Ah think ah’m all crusaded out fer tonight.”

“Yeah.” Sweetie Belle said, still wide eyed but a bit calmer. “I think we should head home and try to sleep now.”

“Oh, come on!” Scootaloo groaned. “We already decided that tonight would be our only chance to find him! We can’t go home empty hooved just because Rainbow Dash surprised you a bit.”

“Us?” Applebloom asked. “What about you?”

“Yeah.” Sweetie Belle said. “I think you screamed the loudest of all.”

“No way.” Scootaloo said, turning her nose up. “I wasn’t scared at all. You were imagining things.” She said, expecting a quick response from her friends. At the lack of sound though, she opened one eye to see if they were preparing to say something. Both of her friends wore wide-eyed expressions and their mouths were slightly agape. “Girls? What’s up?” She asked, turning her nose back down.

“Okay Rainbow Dash. This is as far as I can take you.” Berry Punch said as the two of them stopped just under a large cloud. “Do you think you can get up there alright?”

“No problem.” Rainbow Dash said with a small burp. “S’cuse me.” She said, blushing faintly.

“Okay then.” Berry Punch said. “I need to get back to the bar now, so just be safe, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I told you ish no problem.” Rainbow Dash said as she began flying straight up.

“Rainbow Dash, look out!” Berry Punch exclaimed just before Rainbow Dash flew through the bottom of the cloud, leaving a small hole in the center and slightly revealing the interior of her home.

“It’s all good!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “G’night Bear Puncher!”

“Good night, whoever you are!” A stallion replied from his bedroom window before dousing his light.

“It’s Berry Punch, but whatever.” Berry thought to herself with a chuckle as she turned away. “She’s gonna be in for one heck of a surprise when she wakes up tomorrow.” Berry said with giggle as she began walking back to the bar.

After walking a few blocks, Berry Punch heard a loud scream a bit further down. “What the?” She asked as she picked up her pace to see what was going on.

After rounding a few more corners, she ended up tripping over something small and fast. “AAH!” Berry yelped as she tumbled to the ground on top of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “What the? I thought I said to-”

“There’s no time, Berry Punch!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she tried to struggle out from under the older pony. “He’s coming to take us away into the Everfree!”

“Hurry!” Applebloom shouted. “Ya gotta git up and run before he gets all of us!”

“Who are you talking about?” Berry asked as she got up. “Who’s going to take you to the Everfree Forest?”

“It’s Slendermane!” All three fillies shouted before screaming loudly enough to wake the dead.

“Girls, please!” Berry shouted with her ears folded back. “Calm down!”

“What seems to be the problem here?” An exotic voice asked from the shadows. “Why do you cry out in fear?” Zecora asked as she walked around the corner.

“Zecora! Zecora, we saw him!” Applebloom exclaimed as the CMC ran over to the zebra.

“Well, I’ll leave them with you I guess.” Berry Punch said. “I need to get back to work.” She said as she began walking away.

“Goodbye Berry Punch, and have a good night.” Zecora said before turning to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Now why don’t you tell me what gave you such a fright.”

“What was up with that?” Berry Punch wondered as her bar came into view. “Oh well. I’m sure it was nothing.” She said just before she heard a loud cheer come from inside the bar. Berry hesitated briefly at the door. “I swear to Celestia. If Happy Hour let the customers get out of control again, those fillies won’t be the only ponies screaming tonight.” She thought darkly as she pushed open the door and went inside.

Is This what it's Drunk to be Like? *hic*

Is This what it's Drunk to be Like? *hic*

“Rainbow Dash!” Berry Punch exclaimed when she saw Rainbow walk through the swinging bar doors. “Come in, come in! Have a seat.” She said, motioning to the barstool immediately across from herself.

“Uh, sure. Thanks.” Rainbow Dash said, approaching the barstool and taking a seat, looking nervously around the room at the other patrons. She felt very much like she had walked into a place where she didn’t actually belong.

“What can I get ya, RD?” Berry asked as she placed a coaster in front of Rainbow Dash.

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash sputtered, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. “I- I dunno… What do you have?”

“Well it would probably be easier to list off all the things I don’t have back here.” Berry said. “Take a gander and see what you like. Maybe experiment a little.” She said, motioning to the myriad of bottles behind her.

“Well… I still don’t-”

“If you like, our newest drink is pretty good. Especially if you like apple cider.” Berry said, giving Rainbow Dash a wink.

“Oh yeah! That drink I tried this morning.” Rainbow Dash said, suddenly feeling a little more comfortable at the bar.

“Alrighty then.” Berry Punch said. “The whisky is pre-mixed into the cider, so they absorb each others’ flavors as much as they can.” She explained before taking the neck of a bottle into her mouth and filling an ice-loaded highball glass with it. “Also, we don’t do tabs here. You’ll have to pay for your drink up front.” She said after placing the bottle back where she got it and putting a straw in the full glass.

“Oh, sure.” Rainbow Dash said as she produced four golden bits and put them on the counter. “Will this cover it?”

“Yep.” Berry said as she swiped three of the coins off the counter and into a jar. “The drink is only three bits, so here’s your spare.”

“Nah. You keep it.” Rainbow Dash said. “Bartenders take tips, right?”

“Most certainly.” Berry Punch said as she moved the remaining coin into the jar as well. “Thank you kindly, Rainbow Dash.” She said.

“No problem.” Rainbow Dash said as she took a sip from the straw. The same wonderful taste and accompanying warmth from that morning flowed into her, but it was different somehow. “Wow. This is fantastic.” Rainbow Dash marveled. “Way better than this morning.”

“Well, drinks can taste different out of different types of containers.” Berry Punch explained. “Ever notice how canned sodas are never as good as soda from a glass bottle?”

“Yeah, actually. I have noticed that before.” Rainbow Dash said.

“It’s the same deal with a glass and a beer stein, or a stove and an open flame.” Berry said. “Different tastes for different ponies.” She said as Rainbow Dash finished her drink.

“Well it was really good.” Rainbow Dash said, pushing her glass forward. “I’m still thirsty though, so do you think I could get another?” She asked as she put four more bits on the counter.

“Sure thing, RD.” Berry Punch said as she got set up to make Rainbow another drink. After pouring the drink and taking the money, she turned to Rainbow Dash again. “It’s okay if I call you RD, right?”

“Meh. Doesn’t make any difference to me.” Rainbow Dash said before taking a long sip of her drink. “Ahh. Good stuff.” She said as Berry got to work wiping down the counter.

“Glad you like it so much.” She said. “Just be careful. It’s got a pretty high alcohol count. The stuff can really sneak up on you.”

“Psh.” Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof dismissively. “Come on. How bad could it be?” She asked, quickly drinking the rest of the glass. “Another one, please.”

“You sure?” Berry asked, raising an eyebrow. “I know you’re kind of new to drinking, so you might wanna take it easy.”

“I know my limits.” Rainbow Dash said. “Come on, one more.” She said, putting five bits on the counter this time.

“Alright.” Berry Punch said, shaking her head a bit before retrieving the bottle of cider. ”She knows her limits? Does she really think I haven’t heard that one before?” She wondered as she finished pouring. “Oh well. As long as she’s good for the price and doesn’t get herself in trouble, I might as well serve her.” “Here you are.” Berry said after putting the bottle back in its place and sliding Rainbow her glass.

“Thanks, Berry.” Rainbow Dash said as she went in for another long sip.

“She’s not gonna last much longer at this rate.” Berry Punch thought with a small giggle as she watched Rainbow Dash power through her third drink.

“Alright.” Rainbow Dash said with a quick hiccup. “S’cuse me. Anyways, I’ll bet I can take down another one in ten seconds flat.”

“I don’t doubt it since you drank the last one in less than eight.” Berry Punch said. “I really think you should slow down a bit.”

“Slow down?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, briefly turning a few heads in the bar. “Do you know who you’re talking to?” She said, wobbling slightly as she talked. “Rainbow Dash! Best flier, and fastest pony in all of Equestria! I don't do anything slow!”

“Okay, I get it.” Berry Punch said, smirking a little bit.

“C’mon! One more drink!” Rainbow Dash said, fumbling slightly as she put three bits down on the counter.

“Alright, alright. Hold your horses.” Berry punch said before turning to the bottle again. “Proof once again that drunker patrons don’t necessarily tip better.” Berry thought as she poured Rainbow Dash her fourth and (Berry Punch hoped) final drink.

“Yeah! Now we’re talkin!” Rainbow Dash slurred a bit as she bent her head over the glass and took the straw into her mouth. For a couple of seconds, she didn’t actually do anything. Finally, after seeming to realize that the straw was between her lips, she sucked down the beverage as quickly as she could. “Ahh! Time!” She called out.

“Wow! You were right!” Berry Punch exclaimed, putting on a false look of amazement. “You took it in ten seconds flat alright.” She said, despite the fact that Rainbow had sucked down the contents of that glass in significantly less time.

“Woo hoo! I’ve still got -hic- it!” She shouted, throwing a hoof in the air. “Hey Berry, can I-”

“Sorry, RD. I can’t get you another one.” Berry Punch said, shaking her head.

“Whaaaaat?” Rainbow Dash whined. “Why not?”

“Well that’s simple.” Berry said, grabbing an empty bottle from under the bar and putting it down on the counter. “It’s all gone! You got the last of it.”

“What?” Rainbow asked, examining the bottle closely. She poked it lightly with a hoof to confirm that it was empty. “Aww man. That’s lame.” She sighed without even realizing that the bottle wasn’t the same color as the one containing the cider, still in plain view on the bar rail.

“Well what can you do?” Berry asked with a shrug. “You’re not only the best flier in Equestria, but I guess you’re the best drinker too.”

“That’s right!” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m awesome! And you all -hic- know it!” She cheered as she spun around on the barstool to address the room. “Aw yeah! Best pony, right here!” She said, pointing both forehooves at herself and almost falling out of her chair in the process.

“That’s great, RD. Congrats.” Berry Punch said, prompting Rainbow Dash to turn back around.

“Huh? When did you get here?” She asked, one of her eyes briefly going out of focus.

“Knows her limits. Sure.” Berry thought, barely managing to stifle a laugh. “Hey, you know what?” She asked. “How about I take you home?”

“Home? Why would I wanna go there?” Rainbow asked, her eyes blinking asynchronously.

“I’ll be blunt with you for a second.” Berry said with a brief sigh. “You just had a lot of booze for a first timer. You quite obviously are feeling the effects.”

“No way! I’m invincibible! I don’t feel a thing.” Rainbow Dash said, pounding her chest hard with a hoof. “Ow! Alright, who’s the wise guy?” She asked, looking around accusingly.

“Dash, focus!” Berry said, knocking the counter with a hoof.

“Huh? Oh hi, Berry. How long have you been here?” Rainbow Dash said, throwing a hoof around Berry Punch.

“Ugh. Look.” Berry said, gently removing Rainbow’s hoof from her shoulders. “With how drunk you are right now, I doubt you’ll be doing anything productive till tomorrow.”

“Whaddya mean tomorrow?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What time is it anyways?”

“It’s about ten at night.” Berry said, pointing to a clock on the wall.

“Whaaaat? No way.” Rainbow said, squinting at the clock. “Hey, can you read that for me?” She asked the stallion sitting next to her. “I can’t read analog right now for some reason.”

“RD.” Berry said. “That’s a digital clock.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash said. “So what time is it again?”

Berry Punch facehoofed. “I’m constantly reminded in this place of one important truth.” She thought. “Drunk people are

only funny to other drunk people.” She thought with a sigh. “Come on. I’m taking you home now. Can you at least remember how to get to your house?”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash said, seeming to think very hard about the question. “I know it’s up…” She said, pointing a hoof at the ceiling.

“Great.” Berry said. “It’s a cloud house, isn’t it?”

“Eeyup!” Rainbow said in a disturbingly accurate impersonation of Big Macintosh.

“Fantastic.” Berry thought bitterly. “Well, we’d better get going.” She said, walking out from behind the bar. “Happy Hour, keep an eye on the place while I’m out.” She called out to the other earth pony bartender.

“You got it, boss.” The light brown earth pony said, briefly tipping the brim of his ball cap to Berry Punch before turning to pour somepony a drink.

“Alright, RD. Lead the way.” Berry Said as she gently helped Rainbow Dash out of her seat.

“Hey? Where we goin?” Rainbow asked, reluctantly leaving her seat behind. “What about the bar, and- and the other ponies?”

“They’ll be fine.” Berry said, holding the swinging doors open for the drunken pegasus. “Now come on. We’ve gotta get you home.”

“Alright, alright. I’m coming.” Rainbow said, taking dangerously wobbly steps out the door.

“I can already tell that this is going to be a fun night.” Berry thought with a sigh as she stepped out as well, beginning to support Rainbow Dash as she walked.