Discord Gets A Job

by MorningGlory

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 2094

After driving the solar princess to the edge of insanity, the god of Chaos is told to get a job in Canterlot so that he isn't stuck in the castle all day. Will this work for Celestia? Or will further Chaos reign?

Ever since Fluttershy and the other Elements of Harmony reformed him, Discord has spent all of his time at the castle and ensuring that Celestia and Luna get properly entertained. However, after some time, Celestia has enough and is almost ready to banish him and turn him into stone again when the Princess of the Night has a brilliant idea...

An awful idea...

A brilliantly awful idea...

****

Cover art from Jamescorck

Published 2013-11-03 03:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-03 03:00:02 UTC

Discord Gets A Job

As the day dwindled on, the princess of the sun lay in her royal chambers, using her magic to balance the letters floating before her, reading them with mixed emotion. Some of them were praising her for using the Elements of Harmony to bring peace to even the chaotic lord Discord. Others, however, seemed certain that it was an act, a faux way to work himself into the castle and earn everypony's trust before thrusting himself onto the throne. As possible as that could have been, Celestia had to write off those concerns and address them publicly over the next week. After all, she knew for certain that Discord was incapable of doing anything that would-

Before her thoughts could finish, a large crashing sound jolted her to reality. Rising to her hooves after hearing a maid scream, Celestia quickly trotted off to find the cause of the ruckus, though she knew in her heart only one creature could bring such chaos to her castle.

As she rounded a corner, sure enough, she saw Discord floating above a shattered mirror with a thousand other miniature Discords also laughing. The maid had long since taken off, the dust rag lay forgotten. It was easily deduced that the cause of the scream was the maid attempting to clean the mirror and couldn't complete it as something- or someone- had scared her enough to make her forget her duties.

Celestia ground her teeth as she used her magic to repair the mirror and raise it back to the wall. "Discord," she began, trying her hardest to keep her tone pleasant. "Why must you terrorize all of the help in less than a week? We've gone through four maids already. I can't keep hiring more or we'll run out of ponies."

"Oh, lighten up, Tia," Discord said with a laugh, twisting his body so he was hanging upside down before her. "After all, it was your idea to let me live in the castle with you and Luna."

"Yes, I know. But certainly you have Fluttershy and her friends to go see and amuse you," she remarked, almost hopefully.

Discord let out a dramatic sigh before sitting himself upright on a cotton candy cloud that seemed to appear out of nowhere. He began to tick off the ponies, gaining a claw each time he spoke about one of the Elements. "Well, Fluttershy is currently taking care of some very sick bunnies and asked that I keep chaos to a minimum around her while they get better. Rainbow Dash is fawning over the Wonderbolts- I mean, she's trying out for them. So she certainly is preoccupied. Let's not mention that Twilight took Spike with her to the Crystal Kingdom to see her brother and sister-in-law, Rarity is babysitting the adorably chaotic Cutie Mark Crusaders so she has her hooves full. Applejack and Pinkie Pie have traveled to Manehatten for the Cider Festival so my usual partner in crime and my go-to for food is, well..." He snapped his claw and a great poof was heard as the cloud disappeared and he stood beside Celestia.

Making a mental note to schedule the Cider Festival closer to Ponyville next year, Celestia heaved a sigh and shook her head. "Discord, I have my duties to attend to. And so does Luna. So you cannot- Discord, look at me- you cannot go around causing mayhem and distracting us from our duties," she said scornfully.

Discord seemed to pout a little before floating up into the air. "Oh fine, little miss joykill. I'll just go find something to do in Ponyville." With that, he turned himself into a cloud of cotton candy and whisked himself off through the window in the direction of Ponyville.

At that moment, Luna walked up to Celestia, looking as though she had woken up not too long ago. The princess of the night gazed at her clearly frustrated older sister. "Sister," she began calmly, speaking slowly as though she were still trying to adjust to how to speak normally. "You're upset. Is Discord being a bother?"

Celestia let out a laugh that was sharp and sounded almost like a growl. "Being a 'bother' isn't the phrase I would use, Luna. He's a pain in the flank. I can't get any work done with him terrorizing the maids or other helpless ponies. And we both have our duties so Faust knows we can't just drop everything to amuse him."

Luna nodded in agreement. "Perhaps we should set him forth with a time-consuming task to allow him to leave the castle but still keep harmony balanced," she suggested helpfully.

"What are you suggesting? That he gets a job?" Celestia blinked, seeming short-circuited at the idea.

"Absolutely," the younger sibling replied. "Nothing too major but nothing too boring so he has some chaos in his life. And he would be dead-tired when he returns that we would be able to have peace and quiet while he sleeps." She paused and added wryly. "At least, in between his snores."

The two looked at one another as the idea grew more and more enjoyable. And Celestia had to admit to herself, the idea of watching the god of Chaos working to the bone and actually showing signs of harmony would be a delightful and refreshing change to hearing mirrors and other items being destroyed for his amusement.

"LuLu, have I told you how much I love having you home?"

"Not enough, sister dear. Not enough."

*********

"You can't be serious!" Discord cried out in shock, looking vaguely like the statue he once was, shrinking back a few steps from the throne that Celestia and Luna stood before.

As the darker mare suppressed the urge to giggle, Celestia stepped forward another step, a unicorn stallion who documented all the meetings sitting faithfully by the alicorn, though he also looked like he was having issues not laughing. "I am dead serious, Discord. You have far too much time on your claws and I will not allow my kingdom- my beloved Equestria- to be full of worry of your... insanity."

Luna coughed and took a step forward. "Beginning later this morning, you will go down to Fry's Fabulous Diner and begin working. If you can handle working there a day, then we will allow you to have one day a week you create chaos so long as the other six you allow for us to do the work that is required of us as the leaders of Equestria. If you cannot last, you will return to work every day to multiple restaurants until you do go a day without chaos." She nodded to the stallion, making sure he wrote down the decree.

"I suggest you eat some breakfast, Discord," Celestia said as she strolled past him smugly. "It's going to be a long day for you."

*********

After some fight from Discord and the eventual swaying, the sisters sent him to the diner promptly on a royal coach. The two pegasi stallions who took him there were stone-faced and Discord felt he would feel better if they would be actual stone instead of moving statue. Then maybe he would have something to relate to. After summoning a cotton candy cloud to eat, he began to ponder this situation he was in. On the one paw, if he was able to survive working here for a day he would get one day a week to turn everything into chaos. A lot could be done in twenty-four hours. However, working in a restaurant was a very stressful job and he felt that he may go mad- well, madder- if he couldn't cause a little bit of chaos during the day.

As the coach landed, the draconequis heaved a sigh of despair. Just eight hours of this job and he would be free to carry out his chaotic ways once a week and the princesses would have no say over the situation. There was a silver lining in this punishment. And he would love to see the smiles disappear from their faces when they realized he could keep his end of the bargain.

A tall, brown stallion stood outside of the door as Celestia's sunrise began to break over the horizon and light up Canterlot. Discord nodded in greeting as the stallion stepped forward. "Mr. Discord, I presume?"

"Correct."

"I am Mr. Stir Fry. You can call me Mr. Fry. I hear from the princesses I am to give you a job today. If you'll follow me inside, we'll prepare for the day by cutting up potatoes and chopping up lettuce," the manager instructed, waving a hoof to the door as he waltzed inside.

The manager pony seemed decent enough so Discord didn't feel an overwhelming sense of dread that his chaotic day would be doomed. He followed inside, shrinking his body a bit to allow for him to fit in the restaurant and not stick out like a sore claw.

Mr. Fry began throwing him in the work immediately, slicing potatoes for fries and chopping up lettuce for the sandwiches. The morning seemed to progress sluggishly and Discord began to feel hopeful. If the day would continue in the path that it was on, he would surely get the day of chaos per week as negotiated by the princesses. And that day made it more bearable to cut the vegetables. Well, almost bearable.

At one point, Discord had created miniature versions of himself to multitask the tasks that he was assigned. Mr. Fry didn't find it amusing. After a stern chewing out, he pulled himself together- literally- and proceeded to continue along the task list given to him. It was disconcerting not to be able to create chaos to make the day more bearable but he would grin through it.

Before the tasks became mundane and easy, the lunch rush hit. Discord soon found himself scrambling all over the diner around the wait staff to do as Mr. Fry instructed him on what to do, a bark in his voice that left the already frazzled Discord even more on edge. The staff of mares and stallions snickered at him and continued to weave through the crowds almost as fluidly as a skilled dancer.

The day continued to go downhill after that. Soon, Discord found himself messing up orders, cutting things wrong, spilling condiments and generally earning the ire of impatient Canterlot pony folk. Soon, chaos was long forgotten and Discord was trying his hardest to use any length of harmony to make up for his mess ups, unaware that Mr. Fry was smiling behind him the whole while, already writing a letter to the princesses in deep, deep detail...

*********

Celestia and Luna sat, sipping on their tea in Luna's room as Celestia told the entire story to the giggling younger princess. "And, of course, when Mr. Fry saw that Discord had spilled the olive oil for the fries all over the sandwich cart, he almost had a stroke. So I had to pull our dear reformed God of Chaos out of the fast-food industry before the castle faced charges."

Luna smiled widely, the rattling sound of a snore sounding just outside the door seeming to complete Celestia's story. "I can hear how exhausted he is. Perhaps he will now learn when to have fun and when to be serious," she said with a nod, taking another sip of her tea.

"Perhaps. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the fact he won't be awake for at least sixteen hours," Celestia said with a dreamy sigh.

Luna lowered her cup, confusion etched on her face. "Sixteen hours?"

"Oh! I slipped a sleeping drought in his evening chocolate milk. He was complaining of being exhausted as we flew home. I just wanted to help him get the rest he deserved," she explained, a wry smile growing on her muzzle.

"Celestia Sunrise, you didn't!" Luna said with mock shock.

The two princesses burst into giggles and continued to converse as though they were younger again. Discord would let them enjoy some peace and mild-quiet, though they new when he awoke he would be back to his old tricks.

But they always had the threat of a fast-food job under their hooves to use in the future.

And Celestia had many restaurants that owed her favors...

Author's Note

Since Discord is probably my favorite "villain" the Mane6 have ever faced, I had to write about him.

Enjoy the light-hearted side of my writing skills!

-MG