Chapter 1: THE WRATH OF ANGER, FAGGOTS
Immediately, a rainbow zoomed by the “Nutcrusher” warship. The one to notice it was Sargent Assmasher, Second in Command to Major Mangopanch. When he noticed this rainbow zoom by, a spark activated in his brain. “HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS FAGGOTRY I JUST SAW!?” And started beating the shit out of the engine drives. Other Angry Marines heard his rage as he yelled that he saw a rainbow zoom by their ship. “WHO THE FUCK PUT THAT PIECE OF SHIT THERE!? THAT'S AN INSULT!” Screamed Lt. Sorrento, “WHOEVER THE FUCK CAUSED THIS NEEDS TO DIE, NOW!” The fourth Marine, Obnox, who's full name was Obnox Douche, said.
While each Angry Marine in their rage started smashing shit everywhere, one such marine named Captain Craunch, started smashing his head against the glass window on the ship's control deck. This then led to the glass cracking open, followed by every single fucking marine in the ship to be sent towards the planet below. Sorrento bellowed, “I REALLY FUCKING HOPE THIS PLANET ISN'T AT ANY FUCKING GODDAMN PEACE WHATSOFUCKINGEVER, BECAUSE THAT WOULD REALLY FUCKING PISS ME THE SHIT OFF!”
They started zooming into the planet below, not giving a fuck about whether or not they hit something on the way there. They were pissed off, and angry as angry got. In that moment, Stompfuckington Deathchopgutfist, The leader of the unit aboard the Nutcrusher, sailed past each of the angry marines. “FUCK ALL OF YOU!” He bellowed in fury. “I'M GOING TO DESTROY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM!” The Marines were in such rage after he said this, they started wrestling each other for who got to land first. “NO FUCK YOU SHITNIGGLER, I AM GETTING DOWN THERE AND EATING ALL OF THEIR BODIES!” This fighting went on and on for a good solid two hours. Or, down on Equestria, about 30 minutes.
Which, by the way, you're probably curious what was going on with our little pony victims down on that planet. Well, the first to see the Angry Marines was Twilight Sparkle. She was assuming her daily schedule as always, when she saw something in her telescope. She grabbed her astronomy book. She told spike to come over and see this. “Look! Meteors, we haven't seen those in years!” Oh, poor Twilight Sparkle. You poor, poor fool. If you had looked into your telescope longer, you could have seen what was about to become of your own home. But you didn't. You just stared at the streaks of light HEADING RIGHT THE FUCK AT YOU!
She smiled as she observed the great light show. Everypony did, too. Well... For the time being. Because by the time they heard the “AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” They had gotten confused. “What in the name of Celestia.. Was that...?” A generic faggot-ass pony who had no character development whatsoever so you shouldn't feel sorry for him because he'll probably die in the next second or so said, “I think this is ba-” The pony said, but couldn't finish because Stompfuckington landed on him with great speed, no one could have dodged. Blood splattered all over the grass and dirt, not even the pony's bones were detectable anymore.
Not one pony ran off. They were too shocked at what Stompfuckington had just done. He had pulled out his power bat as many other angry marines were falling from the sky. “THAT'S FUCKING IT, I KNEW THIS PLACE WAS AS PEACEFUL AS A PRETTY MARINES ASSHOLE!” He yelled and ran into a crowd of ponies. They all started scurrying away from him. “THAT'S RIGHT YOU FUCKING COCKBALLERS! FUCKING GODDAMN FLEE FROM THE WRATH OF THE ANGRY MARINES!” Left and right, ponies were being smashed from the impacts of falling Angry Marines.
The first major pony to die was Pinkie Pie. Who was out in the fields, who saw the light show going on. Curious, she made her way back to the city. When she arrived, she started questioning fleeing ponies. “Where's everyone going?” She asked one. “You idiot! Run, before they get you!” She thought this was a game. “Oh, I see what everyone's doing!” She started looking for a hiding spot. Not running as fast as the rest. “Oh, hi! Do you know what we're-” The Angry Marine bashed her face with his bat. “MOTHERFUCKING PONY ASSHOLE! MY FUCKING BOOT IS ENRAGED!” He picked her up with one hand, turned her around, and shoved his boot directly up her asshole.
Then, the angry marine pulled his boot out, Pinkie Pies heart and its ventricles wrapped around his boot. “OH MOTHERFUCKING HORSE-SHIT! WHAT IS THIS!?” He started scraping the heart like it was gum on a shoe, it burst open, exploding in blood everywhere. “OH, YOU FUCKING DISGUIST ME, YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER MY FUCKING BOOT!” He smashed Pinkie's head in with his boot.
Pinkie Pie... Was no more. She'll be quickly forgotten because the Angry Marines had more shit to destroy. "Pinkie!" Applejack yelled, as tears fell from her eyes. "You... You asshole!" She screamed. But she had to get Applebloom out of there. "Come on, we can't stay here-" Applebloom was destroyed in a second by a collision with an angry marine. Big Mac, who saw this. Became angry, not as angry as the Angry Marines, but very angry. He ran at one of them. "NO YOU FUCKING DON'T YOU GINORMOUS FAGGOT!" He screamed, using his power fist to attack the oncoming pony. Applejack felt despair as she just lost two of her family members. She had to run, but when she did, she was assaulted by an overwhelming number of Marines.
"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR FAMILY, AND FUCKING DIE!" Assmasher bellowed, smashing Applejack with his power bat. In that moment, her head was torn clean off. All that was left was a torso and 3 legs. Assmasher was beginning to feel hungry, so he wanted to eat something that tasted good. He experimented with Applejacks leg. "THIS REALLY DOESN'T TASTE LIKE A FUCKING APPLE, FAGGOT ASSES, YOU LIED TO ME!" He said, throwing the dead Applejack.
So, what happens next in this thrilling tale of ponyville? Well, let's take a break. I think the answer stands clear.
Author's Note
This seriously turned into a rant because I'm actually back from doing serious writings about Warhammer 40k (that haven't yet been published, lol). Seriously, though, guys. I'm going to openly admit that I'm actually enjoying writing this, and don't really have plans to stop at this point.
And, seriously? This is some of the most crude humor I've written. I don't even care if anything is written incorrectly. It's just me putting whatever comes to mind.
BONED
Chapter 2: WE'RE BACK AND YOU'RE FUCKING BONED
Anger was filling the lands of Equestria as the Angry Marines started cleansing the land of its heresy. Of course, it could be noted that the only reason they went down there in the fucking first place is that they found a GODDAMNED RAINBOW. IN SPACE. IN FUCKING SPACE. LIKE, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN FUCKING DO THAT!?
Houses were smashed in by the dozen. Ponies were murdered by the hundreds, and the land was being torn asunder by the rage of a thousand white hot sons. And there was no sign of this rampage slowing down.
“FOR FUCKS SAKE, YOU FAGGOTS STARTED WITHOUT US!” A new ship, the Fuckstick, bellowed over the radio to the Marines below. “FUCK YOU,” Sorento said in reply, “YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING STAYED WITH US, SHITSLOTH.”
“ASSMAGGOTS,” one of the Marines replied, “I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR FUCKING SHIT, YOU DICKSLUT!”
Suddenly, the Fuckstick slammed itself into a mountain, and slid down into the city of Ponyville. “ALWAYS ANGRY” the Marines piled out, “ALL THE FUCKING GODDAMN TIME!” And soon, it brought upon a motion to have ponies retreat into the forests, where they would have created the illusion of sanctity and safety for themselves. But that wouldn't stop the angry marines from destroying everything possible.
“I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF,” Assmasher, who was now punching the ground in rage, had created that was about fifteen feet deep.
~~After the city of Ponyville was reduced to dust and ash, and flames. The Angry Marines thought it would be a good idea to rest for a while and look back at their choices in life, and admit they had something more in common than they honestly thought. Soon, the battle brothers would end up growing to understand what true friendship was, and would end up finding out that the ponies were trying to do that all along.~~
Except THAT'S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WENT, YOU FUCKING SHITLOVERS. WHOEVER FUCKING WROTE THAT LAST PART WAS RIPPED FROM HIS CHAIR, THROWN TO THE GROUND, AND WAS BEATEN BY HEAVY FUCKING POWERBOOTS AND METAL FISTS WITH SPIKES ON THEM. THEN HIS LIMBS WERE FUCKING TORN OFF AND THE MARINES USED HIS CARCASS AS A FLAG AFTER THEY PUT HIS OWN BLOOD IN THE SHAPE OF A SYMBOL
The Angry Marines carried the bodies of the ponies on their weapons due to the fact that they were too ungodly pissed off by the fact that they didn't have any time to clean their weapons. Even after such a thing had happened, they pressed forward, looking for land to pillage.
Out of nowhere, though, came a hero that would stand up to them.
Rainbow Dash came flying in, feeling as if she was obligated to fight against the angry marines. If only she wasn't a fucking shitty character, and if the writer of this non-canon Warhammer 40K fanfiction actually gave a shit to put in some plot, THEN MAYBE it'd be an epic battle of how Rainbow Dash fought the menace back, and that these Angry Marines retreat because the power of friendship is just that powerful that it can send the hatred of these angry marines back.
But guess what!? You wanna know FUCKING WHY that's not going to happen!?
'Cause FUCK YOU that's why.
Rainbow Dash flew in with force, hoping to cause a Sonic Rainboom, and disorient the Marines, followed by the useful tactics to move so fast in a circular motion capable of lifting the ground up. Then, she'd hurdle them back into space in the opposite direction of Equestria.
That's fucking Mary Sue bullshit, and, for sure, these laws won't be able to be applied when Angry Marines are concerned. I mean, for fuck's sake, do you faggots ACTUALLY fucking take that shit seriously? This is what you're doing with your life? GODDAMN IT, NO WONDER YOU FAGGOTS DOWNVOTED THE LAST CHAPTER. FUCKING BUTTHURT SHITWAFFLES.
Rainbow Dash whirled around, confident in her strategy that it would work. But, she was stopped, and her fate consumed her.
More like... Her head got ripped off because one angry marine was tossed into the air, and fell right on her at the right time.
“FUCKING MARY SUE!” They all shouted.
Oranj slammed his heavy axe into a door of one of the still remaining houses. Breaking it open, he saw a furfag with a camera, filming himself doing... Unruly things to a pony. Oranj, in his most enraged state yet, ripped the camera (along with the furfag's arm) out, and shoved it in his ass, followed by a swift kick out the window for the rest of marines to see the heretic that had been on this planet. It confirmed their suspicions.
The pony that Oranj found was tied up (because apparently this faggot liked BDSM or some shit. Like, what the fuck? Do you REALLY not have enough game that you will perform BDSM on a fictional pony? Are you that far from your humanity that you have decided that fucking a real human is out of your league? That ponies are the real thing?)
Here's you faggots that write clopfics: “I'M GOING TO WRITE SMUTTY FANFICTION WHERE MY OC GETS TO FUCK MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVORITE PONY, AND I HOPE TO GET REALLY POPULAR ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE OF IT WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
You fuckers really piss me off.
Look, I know I was supposed to write about how fucking angry marines fuck shit up, but I'm so off track now because I'm doing rants, and it's the best I can do at this point. No, seriously, shut up. I don't need you to tell me what to write. I'm gonna go play Dawn of War or some shit. Maybe hang on /tg/ where you'll find me shitposting constantly.
