Pinkie Pie! Brush Your Teeth!

by Flint Sparks

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1484

Colgate is on a mission to get Ponyville's beloved sweet-tooth to visit the dentist.

Pinkie Pie is a lover of everything sweet and tasty, but hates brushing her teeth. It's that time of year again and Colgate is determined to fulfill all her appointments.

cover art by Silver Fluffenbuns

Published 2013-10-01 16:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-01 16:50:02 UTC

Call of Dentures: Brush Ops

“ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS!?” the pegasus leading the flying carriage shouted above the winds, turning his head to see her high above the clouds. The blue mare nodded, her midnight blue and white mane flowing in the high winds. She was sitting in the carriage with her forelegs outstretched, holding onto the wooden walls as wind ripped through her exposed fur and bounced off her black spandex. Her goggles were secure, held into place by her horn.

Ponyville, surprisingly enough, was asleep tonight. Pinkie Pie had decided that four consecutive parties were enough for one day and decided to go to bed, allowing everypony to get some much needed shut-eye. Conveniently, the blanket of silence also allowed more covert operations to take place.

“YEAH! JUST BRING HER TO THE LAUNCH ZONE!” Colgate shouted back as she reached to the floor for her parachute. This was a delicate operation, only happening twice a year, and this time would mark the day she finally succeeds. Colgate strapped on the parachute and braced herself as the carriage banked, dropping in elevation.

As the carriage slipped inside a cloud, nearly under the cover, the pegasus shouted the signal. Colgate, without any hesitation, jumped.

Wind blasted her pores, threatening to tear her skin apart. Colgate grinded her teeth and forced her jaw shut. Her line of vision flickered downwards, searching for the correct building as the wind stung. Eyeing her target, Colgate aimed and adjusted into a dive.

Ten thousand feet, she thought to herself. This was her third mission, and every step in the operation had to be accomplished flawlessly. She had practiced countless times in controlled simulations and had perfected the op to the letter. All that was left was to finish the mission for real and capture the objective.

Five thousand feet. Colgate adjusted her projector, realizing she was a few feet off-course. Now that she was halfway down, she positioned her body horizontally and spread all four legs to slow her descent.

Four thousand feet.Colgate felt a shiver run down her spine. Her spandex protected her from most of the cold, but a slight chill settled inside. It was uncomfortable, but nothing that could stop her from her mission.

Three thousand feet. Colgate closed her eyes and braced herself for landing. Her horn heated up with magical power as she telekinetically latched onto the draw-string. She counted to five inside her head before pulling. Deploying chute.

She flew down a few hundred feet as her chute shot out before a tug on her back signaled its deployment. Her descent slowed as she sunk in the air for the last couple thousand feet. Using her magic to steer the parachute to the best of her ability, she aimed to touchdown on one particular building.

Her rear hooves landed on the frosted roof as her front hooves wrapped around a concrete candle, securing her from the dangerous gravity and a deadly plummet to the ground. Quickly, before the parachute would tangle, she used her horn to tear the string and released the parachute to the wind as she had rehearsed.

Silent landing: check. Infiltration: in progress. Cocking her ears for any sound, she stood on all fours and creeped forward. Her hooves glided across the fake frosting, careful not to make any noise. At the edge, she jumped and tumbled down, softly landing on the balcony. A quick peek in the pink window revealed a sleeping couple on a king-sized bed. She cursed in her mind, having to perform another flip onto the next floor.

Her stamina drained ever so slightly, drawing deeper breaths into her lungs. She moved to her back hooves and hugged the wall with her back. She glanced over her shoulder into the window, quickly memorizing the room’s layout. Not surprisingly, bed was empty. Midnight snack? Perfect.

Years of being thwarted by her arch nemesis, Colgate had learned most of Pinkie Pie’s habits: what she liked eating (sugar), how she liked eating (as fast as possible), and when she ate (whenever she could). Colgate smirked, snapping her goggles off her brow and onto her eyes. With a flick of magic, the nightvision turned on.

The moon was convenient for night ops, but once she was inside she’d be shrouded in the dark. Hidden in the shadows, just how she liked it.

The blue unicorn tried her magic, but the window had a anti-magic security enchantment placed on it. Colgate cursed internally, wondering why she hadn’t taken Wards 101 back in secondary school. Then again, most aspiring dentists didn’t expect to do much breaking and entering. Breaking teeth being the exception, of course.

Her hoof slipped into a pouch hidden in her spandex and removed a floss case. She opened it with magic and applied the sticky floss to the edge of the window until its entire perimeter was flossed. Colgate shimmied a few feet away before cutting the floss off, activating its silent explosives.

The window fell to the ground. Quick as lightning, her dual-colored tail whipped out and cushioned the fall and muffling the noise. She held her breath as she set the window down, praying nopony heard her. Now with a beckoning entrance, Colgate dashed inside before any passersby could see her on the roof.

The room was filled with various toys and party supplies. Colgate figured there was at least twenty different colors, but green dominated her night vision. She crouched down until her belly brushed against the floor and began her trained hunting creep toward the door.

She nudged it open with her muzzle and did a quick scan with her goggles, revealing no life signs in the hall. She skulked through the hall, freezing by the only other door in the hall. Her muzzle touched the doorframe as she looked inside, noticing a sleeping unicorn foal in her crib. Colgate leaned back and leaped past the doorframe into a silent roll.

Smiling at her acrobatics, Colgate moved her head up and made contact with an unforeseen colt.

The (currently) greenlit pegasus giggled and waved its hooves, begging for a hug. Colgate froze, worried that the parents would wake up if they heard their foal. The colt opened his mouth to coo…

whoosh!

pop!

The colt began sucking on the sucker Colgate kept in her pouch for emergencies. Satisfied, he began fluttering off to the kiddy room toward his sister. Colgate returned her attention back to the mission and silently crawled down the stairs.

The blue mare stalked through the shadows toward the dim light in the kitchen. At the door, she slid tight against the wall. One glance revealed her mark currently raiding the fridge.

Okay Colgate, this is it. Game time, she encouraged herself, a pit forming in her stomach. One mistake and Pinkie Pie would have to suffer another six months in… sugar overdosed tartarus. Colgate, both as a professional and a kind pony, seeked to end her torturous existence.

Colgate let out her held breath in a steady sigh, preparing for combat. Sounds of plates banging ceased as Pinkie grew suspicious. Colgate’s joints jumped to action as she sidestepped inside.

“What?!” Pinkie Pie dropped her treats and drew out her party cannon. Colgate, expecting the same exact move from last time, dived and rolled in time. “You’ll never take me alive!” Pinkie Pie rotated the cannon to fire again.

Click.

A bead of sweat condensed on Pinkie Pie’s forehead. Colgate gave a smug smirk, her Colgate Toothpaste Cannon ™ aimed directly at Pinkie’s muzzle. Pinkie gulped as Colgate’s blue hoof twitched on the trigger.

“Not this time.”

Pinkie Pie drifted into consciousness, a crisp minty taste in her mouth. Her eyes adjusted to the dim light provided by the overhead swinging chained light bulb. Pinkie tried to move, but all four hooves were strapped to an ominous chair. Her heart skipped a beat as panic began to sink in.

Whiiiirrrrrrrr….

Pinkie’s ears shot straight up as Colgate approached from the shadows, levitating a drill. A cruel grin was plastered on her face, her eyes bloodshot, and her spandex partly torn.

“Well Pinkie Pie, it’s finally time for your appointment!” Colgate screamed as she jumped onto her hind legs in front of Pinkie. Pinkie Pie tried to scream as Colgate placed one hoof on her shoulder to stay steady and used the other to pierce her jaw with a needle. Numb jaws made for gargled screams, as Pinkie Pie found out. Colgate began to laugh as she held Pinkie’s jaw open to look inside for her numerous cavities…

“...” Colgate’s laugh cut off as she frowned.

“Ah tood tu-” Pinkie Pie gargled, half her jaw unmoving.

“H-how?” Colgate stammered, her heart beating fast as a racehorse.

“Ah tood tu Ah aways bush!” Pinkie gave a shackled shrug.

Colgate promptly fainted.

Author's Note

First story for One-Shotober.