The Mooninites

by Eagle

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1754

After following Nightmare back from the moon, the digital rulers of the moon terrorize Equestria.

Nightmare Moon was the greatest threat Equestria had faced in 1,000 years. Her defeat at the hands of the Elements of Harmony was supposed to signal a new era in it's history.

What Twilight and her friends don't know is that something else followed her back from the moon. Something that no force in Equestria can stand against.

NOTES:
Prior knowledge of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is not needed, but would help understanding.
Rated T for language, violence, substance use, and sexual references.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic created by Lauren Faust and owned by Hasbro.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force created by Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro, Produced by Williams Street.

Published 2013-09-29 03:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-29 03:20:03 UTC

Meet the Moon

Most think the moon is nothing more than a barren rock with no living beings. The ponies always believed that the only thing there was the Nightmare; and even then it was widely held to be nothing but a story to scare others. With her arrival, and defeat, they were sure there was nothing left there. What not even Nightmare saw were the two true rulers of the moon.

One was taller and light green, while the other was much smaller and light purple; both were seen in a flat, pixelated, two-dimensional form. These were the Mooninites, Igningnokt and Err; the rulers of the moon. The green one was focused on spray-painting, among other things, two squares on a rock with the words ‘PRINIPAL NADS’ at the side with an arrow pointing to the squares.

“Observe Err, the digital nards,” Igningnokt said. “The principal will resent his nards being presented in such a manner.”

“You ain’t paintin’ on no school, that’s a damn rock,” Err corrected him. “And I like to rock! I will rock your face!”

The two shared a moment of silence.

“We are bored,” Igningnokt said.

“Yea, I’m bored,” Err agreed. “Hey, let’s go see your Uncle Cliff.”

“Cliff is a roofer.”

“We can F with him all day!”

“Cliff is highly confused.”

“Confusinomiton!”

“Let’s challenge his shadowed view of the world.”

The two walked over to another Mooninite. This one was short, light blue, and fat with one leg. He was sitting there, continuously hitting a rock against the surface.

“Hey Cliff,” Ignignokt called.

Cliff stopped and looked over at them.

“Boo.”

“AHHHH! AHAHA!” Cliff yelled.

“Is he alright?” Err asked.

“Cliff hasn’t been ‘alright’ since the Lunar War.”

Err quickly began jumping around the larger Mooninite screaming ‘Boo!’ as the blue one continued to scream.

“That’s enough, Err!” Ignignokt called. “Look!”

He pointed to what looked like a large, dark horse flying towards a nearby planet.

“What the F is that?” Err asked.

“It seems to be a large horse creature flying from the moon to that small world.”

“How come we didn’t see it before?”

“An excellent question,” Ignignokt added. “We are the moon lords! Why have we not seen a large horse on our moon?”

“Yea, where the hell was it?”

“It matters not. We shall follow it to its primitive world and enslave its inhabitants.”

“And take all their stuff!”

“And force them to give us backrubs!”

The two walked over to a large ship. The body was purple, while the stairs and legs were blue, as well as three windows. Like them, it was 2D and pixelated.

“Ship come in; set a course for that nearby planet. These horses shall soon be road only on the moon!”

“Thank Celestia that’s over,” Twilight said to herself as she entered the library after defeating Nightmare Moon. “Though the party was nice, though.”

She trotted over to the telescope, looking at the moon again.

“Hm, Nightmare Moon was up there, so who else? What else is out in space…”

She was interrupted by knocking at the door.

“Uh, who could this be?”

She wasn’t sure exactly who it could be, but before she opened it, she heard what sounded like male voices on the outside, as well as a few gasps and a scream or two.

“Oh look, Err. Talking farm animals.”

She quickly opened the door to find two flat, strange looking beings.

“Wha? Um…who are yo-”

“Hello, Twilight. I am Igningnokt and this is Err,” the tall green one said.

“I am Err,” the little purple one added.

“We are Mooninites from the inner core of the moon.”

“You said it right!”

“Our race is hundreds of years advanced beyond yours.”

“Man, do you hear what he’s sayin’!?”

“Some would say that the planet is our moon.”

“We’re the moon!”

“But that would be little in the name of our moon…which is, the moon!”

“Point is we’re at the center! Not you!”

Twilight continued to stare for a minute in confusion until the Mooninites made their own way into her house, with Err immediately went over to the kitchen.

“Wait, how did you know my name?” Twilight asked.

“We know all and see all, for we are the Mooninites,” Igningnokt said.

“Wait, you said you’re from the moon!?” she gasped. “Are you accomplices of Nightmare Moon!?”

“We don’t know what that is,” Ignignokt said. “But if we did, it would certainly belong to us, for we control the moon.”

“So, you’re an entirely new alien species?”

“That would seem to be correct, yes.”

“Fascinating, would you mind if I asked you some questions?” she asked, levitating a quill and paper over to her.

“Ask your dumb questions now; for later, you shall ask no questions, nor shall any of our slaves.”

Twilight was a bit surprised by this, but figured she just misheard and continued on.

“So, what make your society more advanced than our?”

“Well for one thing the moon has one-third less gravity than your planet,” Ignignokt explained. “I don’t know if you can understand that but, our vertical leap is beyond all measurement.”

“So you’re saying you’re more advanced because you can jump higher?”

“Yes, observe.”

Igningnokt jumped a couple times, barely making it off the ground at all.

“It..it’s not working. Err, come in here and help me explain our advanced ways! Hurry!”

“Did you tell her about the spelling?” Err suggested, walking back into the room.

“Yes, we’re excellent spellers. Challenge us.”

“Challenge us both!” Err said.

“Alright,” Twilight said, floating over a dictionary, “spell…ostentatious!”

“Alright…O-S-T-I-N-T-A-S-H-U-S; ostentatious,” Ignignokt spelled incorrectly.

“Nope, that’s not right!” Twilight said a little proudly.

“Well that’s how we spell it on the moon,” Ignignokt told her.

“Yea, and you know how we spell Twilight on the moon?” Err asked, “S-T-U-P-I-D! HAHA!”

“H-hey! I’m smart! I’m the princess’ personal student!” she said.

“Your princess just gave you that title to make you feel special and keep you out of the higher schools,” Igningnokt said. “You’re actually quite dumb.”

“N-no I! Ugh!” Twilight grunted.

There came another knock at the door.

“Hey Twilight! You in there?”

“That must be the rest of my friends,” she said. “Spike! Send a letter to the Princess and ask her to come over right now!”

“Alright, Twi,” Spike said, walking downstairs and spotting the guests. “Whoa! What are you?”

“Look Err, a large purple lizard.”

“Let’s rip his tail off and see if it grows back!” Err said.

“Please don’t do that,” Twilight asked angrily, opening the door and allowing the other five in.

“What in the hay are those things?” Applejack asked.

“We are the Mooninites, small hillbilly horse. And we are the greatest force the universe has ever seen.”

“We’re badass!” Err added, with the ponies gasping a bit at his use of swears.

“Well firstly, we’re ponies,” Applejack said angrily. “And second, I’m not a hillbilly!”

“The orange one seems irritable,” Ignignokt observed. “She must not have gotten any action lately.”

“From her brother,” Err added.

“Perhaps we should assist her with her problem,” Ignignokt added, “for even though she is a horse, we a generous enough to set our special differences aside to help…relieve her stress.”

“It’ll be awesome, babe,” Err said.

Applejack blushed greatly, as did the others. No pony was ever this rude this much and this often. Whoever these aliens were, they didn’t have very high standards.

“The horses do not seem to be used to our way of life.”

“Sucks for them!”

“Stop calling us horses!” Twilight yelled.

For the third time that night, there was a knock at the door and Twilight went to answer it.

“Princess Celestia!”

“Hello, Twilight,” the alicorn said. “Spike sent me a note about aliens.”

“That would be us,” Igningnokt said. “We are the Moononites, and you shall now service us.”

“In several ways!” Err added.

This made the ponies gasped; none dared to talk to Celestia this way.

“Don’t talk that way to the Princess!” Twilight yelled. “She deserves more respect than that!”

“Yes, everyone bow your heads and pretend to be serious,” Ignignokt said.

“She’s the sun goddess! She can teleport you to the sun and fry you in an instant!”

“Our god is and Indian that turns into a wolf,” Igningnokt said.

“Man that’s Wolfen man,” Err corrected him.

“Yes and the Wolfen shall come for you with his razor.”

Twilight dragged the Princess aside.

“Princess, what should we do about these two?”

“Well, I don’t see them as much of a threat, Twilight,” the sun goddess replied.

“I was thinking we should-wait…what?” Twilight said with an amazed look on her face.

“They are rather rude, but they don’t seem to pose much of a threat. I don’t see why we should waste our time with them. Just leave them be, and they will leave us alone, in turn.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Alright, I sure hope you’re right about this, princess.”

The two turned around and went back to the group.

“Alright, you two are fine for now,” Twilight said. “But you’d better not cause any trouble.”

“Now why would we ever do that?” Ignignokt asked. “All we came down here for was to have a little fun, and that has been accomplished; hasn’t it, Err?”

“Damn yes!”

The two walked out and back to their ship.

“So, we will be on our way now. But don’t worry, for we shall return!”

“I’ll be back!” Err added in a thick accent.

“Wait, you’re just leaving now?” Twilight asked.

“Err, was I not being clear before?” Ignignokt asked.

“We said we’ll be back you dumb horse!”

“Ship take off,” Ignignokt ordered. “Take care, now.”

The ship took off back into the night sky.

“I really hope you’re right, princess,” Twilight said.

“Don’t worry, my little ponies,” she said. “We must only ignore them and prevent them from having the satisfaction of our irritation. I’m sure they’ll stop, eventually.”

“Hey, Twi,” Applejack called from back inside, “Uh, you’re wine is all gone.”

“What!?”

The ship traveled out of orbit and into space. The two aliens inside were drinking away at the bottles they swapped from the library. Both agreed that the new planet was excellent to travel to for fun.

“This wine is awesome, man!” Err said.

“Indeed,” Igningnokt said, a single, long appendage appearing straight up in the middle of his non-existent hand. “I know they do not have fingers, but I do hope they can see this bird.”