Lauren Faust and Hasbro own MLP: FIM and all their characters.
I sense shenanigans.

(Side note: Changed to first person because it makes more sense.)

As that reference was obviously lost on these creatures, I was calculating my next move.
"There's no way this is real. These creatures look like if Morgan Freeman just went AWOL and used spray paint on some horses! Maybe if I... NO! I am not just going to commit one of the biggest cliches and think this is a dream. No matter how ridiculous, I can't start assuming anything until I'm absolutely sure." I think, as countless movies and TV shows have taught me better. "Ha, and they said no one would ever learn anything from too much TV." Parents:1 Me:1

"What the FLYING FEATHER is that!" cried a certain someone who seemed to be the incarnation of everything colorful and prideful. I could imagine what my friends back home would speculate about this horse's social life. She also seemed to have had a Redbull, judging by her wings.

"I don't know rightly what that is, but a'h ma hogtie it so it don't cause a ruckus!" said the silly sounding wearing a pretty cool hat. An 'I am going to walk away into the sunset,' kinda hat.

"Don't Applejack! We don't know what it is or what it's capable of. Just try to corner it until we can figure out what it wants." is what I thought the purple child hazard said (seriously, she could make a demoman with that horn). I wasn't sure as I had Princess Bubblegu- I-I mean 'Pinkie Pie' make it her mission to make me deaf.

"Oh my gosh! A new creature! This adventure just got 20% more fun! (Original phrase, DO NOT STEAL!). So, what are you Mr. Creature? You look like a minotaur, but with a different head. Does that mean your mom was a minotaur! I think I read that in a book somewhere, or do all minotaurs wears masks on their heads? If so, cool! I keep costumes of all my friends, but I don't tell them because they got really weirded out and asked me to get rid of them, which I took as rid myself of closet space since that was where I put them! But you have to pull the secret string inside the closet to get to the secret closet. Wait, are you an alien?! If so, can you wait a bit to go on an adventure? I need to get a new bike." said the creature, struggling to continue as she was turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

"DARLING, BREATHE!" shouted the white in a way that would make the Marines shudder. Finally, the living sugar rush took a breath and lay panting on the floor. "Darling, you must simply learn to pace yourself. You'll wear yourself ragged like always." she said as both me and Rainbow snickered (Grow up). "Also, I listened to what you said (Celestia give me strength) and I must insist that you get rid of those horrid costumes! My flank is much more well toned and healthily plump than that knockoff of a mare of my quality." TMI, dude. TMI. (Don't stare!)

"Yeah! And you better not have kept those other ones you used during Chrysalis's revenge scheme. When I say no, I mean no!" said Rainbow as me and the cowgirl, snickered. Sensing opportunity, I proved myself a true American and exploited it.

"Um... Girls."

"But Dashie, I spent hours on those!"

"I don't care! Burn them!"

"Girls."

"I have to agree with Rainbow. It's bad enough Spike makes and sells those figurines, but I'm not having somepony get inside me without consent." said the socially awkward purple one. Everyone stared at her while holding back their own laughs. Well, some of them. "What?"

"Um...if I could interrupt Twilight making fun of herself. If that's okay with you?" asked the living definition of adorable. "But our guest left during RD's and Pinkie's argument." Silence was working overtime when they all realized what happened. That and the possible glares that RD and Pinkie were receiving. Luckily, I didn't hear any raspy yelling or crying, so it wasn't the Bat glare. Meanwhile, I was making my daring escape, Indiana Jones style, which meant panting heavily with arms swinging wildly in the air, but with a theme song. The last thing I heard was a statement from Rainbow and the creepy pink one.

"I just don't know what went wrong." they both said.

Suddenly, far far away, two blocks from there, a gray pegasus woke up from her dream of being the muffin queen. She stared intently at the tree down the road.

"Pfft. Jealous much?" she said as she went back to bed.

I was running down through the streets as I got the heck out of ponyland. I really didn't have many options after the inspiration for Jeff Foxworthy said something about me in a rope. I didn't think she would be gentle to a first timer. As I reached the outskirts of the town, I peered back while still running to see if I was really safe.

"Phew! I'm not going down that easily." I stupidly said as I poked Murphy with a stick.*Smack*. I was laid back on the floor as, in my haste, I neglected to see the low hanging branch right in front of my face.

"I don't care if I'm whatever percent monkey, I'm going to chop down every tree I ever see in my life." I said in pain.

"Hoo." proclaims the understudy of evil. I saw the feathered nightmare sit on my chest staring at me with unsympathetic eyes. The entire experience, the pure terror, and the hit made me pass out cold. (Wimp)

I began to stir as the overwhelming scent of something delicious began to wake me up.

"Wake up."

"Mom, I don't want to go to school. I want to stay home and bake cookies with you!" I mumbled.

"Oh my gosh! Rainbow, your'e a mommy and you didn't tell me! Now I'm going to have to throw three parties for you, your bunndle of joy, and to cheer me up!....Wohoo! Three parties for the price of one!"

"Pinkie! I am not the mother of the creature! How would that even work?!"

"Well, I'm sure if I get some dna samples from both of you, I'll be able to make some flow charts that will..."

"Celestia's sake, not the charts again! GET UP!" shouted a not very nice, orange pony.

"Ahh!" I screamed in shock. I tried to get up, but was restricted by some unknown force as I saw myself sitting on a chair against my will. It appeared the horses (ponies?) had taken the oppurtunity to put me back in the library before I caused any more discord. I knew not exercising and nutella would cost me some day, but this was ridiculous.

"Calm down. No one is gonna hurt you." the purple pony says.

"We'll see." say both the orange and cyan stereotypes. They both recoil as the yellow one stares at them.

"Where am I?! Specifically! I want precise details! And what is holding me down?!" I said, past being shocked and now infuriated with having no answers. There is only so much I could take, even with my degree, and just wanted this experience to end.

"Golden Oaks Library, Ponyville, Solar County, Equestria, Terra Animalia, Hors..."says the purple one, but is cut off by the Cotton Candy.

"Jeez, Twilight. You act as if he's new here. We just met him a few minutes ago."

After a proper and necessary facehoof was committed, she continued with "Before I was interrupted, I'm keeping you restrained with magic." she explains as if it were nothing. Magic. Good luck with that.

"Magic? Are you serious" I ask skeptically.

"Well, yeah? Do you not like magic?" she asks a bit offended.

"No, I just don't believe that such a thing exists." I answered, not buying that absurdity.

"WHAT! How can you not believe in magic!" she says, her jimmies, if she was wearing any (weird), obviously rustled. The look she had, alone, would evaporate anyone's jimmies.

"I don't own a optical mask." I say casually, references flying in the air as no one could catch them.

"Magic is the fundamental reason why everything exits and is present in everything!" she exclaimed in pure shock. I considered two things. One, magic may not exactly mean the same thing on this world as it is on mine. They might speak English somehow, but the absence of human influence, which I gather from the fact they clearly don't know what I am, might affect the linguistic rules that their language followed. It could even be their religion or science of sorts. Second, I was talking to a purple unicorn pony with eyes so big they would make the CIA and KGB feel uncomfortable. Things may not be exactly the same here.

"Wow, you act just like Twilight when I told her about Pinkie Sense." said the fluffy pink pony.

"What does that mean?" I asked, trying to turn this interview around to my favor and asses the situation calmly without losing my sanity.

"Yeah, it was around the time she first came to Ponyville and was still adjusting to life here." she said, ignoring my question. "At first she was all disbelieving of it, like you, and tried to find out more. But soon enough, she came over to my way of thinking and believed in it too. It was a relief to get that out of the way, even if it did take a few accidents to get her there."

"Wait, accidents?" I asked, not liking the way that sounded.

"Yeah, accidents!" she said cheerfully, now answering your question. "Things like when she accidentally fell in a ditch, a piano accidentally fell on her head, my alligator swimming, accidentally, in her bathtub, a 7 story hydra attacking, and she even caught on fire!" the Laffy Taffy turned inspiration for Hitchcock, said as if it were just a Tuesday. I stared at her with utmost fear and terror, shuffling my feet away from the creature, as I looked to the others for confirmation.

"It's the honest truth." said the orange one.

"My great great grandfather died by gas attack during World War I. My great grandfather died by grenade in World War II. And now I will die at the hooves of an other dimensional, fluffy, pink pony with a dentist's wet dream turned reality, smile. I make your ancestors proud." I thought staring at the pink death with terror. They all facehoof, except her since she is probably going to enjoy what she might do.

"I think you are giving him the wrong idea Pinkie, darling." said Mrs. Stay Puft. "Let us start again. But first, where are our manners? We haven't introduced ourselves yet. I am lady Rarity. You may call me miss, lady, the fabulous, the generous, or the stunningly beautiful and humble Rarity." said the arrogant, yet admittedly, fabulous pony.

"Now that's why I am the element of Honesty." whispered the orange one as she received the death glare from the Rarity. Eghads! "I'm Applejack, owner of Sweet Apple Acres and a pony true to her word." she said happily. "Yet, I'm also the pony everyone can expect to protect her friends and family, so watch yourself!" she said, not as happily. Pick an emotion dang it!

"And I'm the coolest, fastest, awesomest, most radical, tubular,..." she goes on for a good minute as I was sure half the words she said were not real words. "...and BA for the most bodaciously awesome pegasus/ flier/ anything ever! But most call me Rainbow Dash for short!" We all groan in sheer exasperation and disbelief at the arrogance of this pony. If her friends did this too, even after knowing her, chances are me and her might not get along from time to time.

"Wow. You gotta get your autobiography narrated by Morgan Freeman. I'd buy it." I said with a chuckle. "Seriously, do you not get hired for jobs simply because they wouldn't read your resume and be fired for reading the dictionary on the job?" They all laughed at that joke as she blushes in embarrassment and anger.

"Why you little!" she says as she starts to go for me like she is going to strangle me to a slow death. Luckily, she is held back by a purple aura holding her tail. Strange. Put that in the cabinet file for later.

"Would you let go of my tails Twilight?! Seriously, one of you guys is gonna rip it off someday!" Rainbow proclaimed, her anger shifting away from me.

"Calm down Rainbow! It was just a joke!" Twilight says. What a stupid name. Ah well, can't be the worst name I've heard of. After Rainbow Brash is calmed down, Twilight says "Hello, I am Twilight Sparkle. Personnel protege to the Princess and librarian of the very establishment we set hoof under." she says proudly. While some of what she said might have been important, it was her name that made my mind work overtime.

"Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle?" I asked in utter disbelief and even more horrified than when Pinkie was going to Chainsaw Massacre my sorry life.

"Yes. That is my name. Do you not like it? Oh my Celestia! Is it offensive to your culture!? If so I didn't mean to! I know I'm not that social or good with others, but I can't fail the first contact between a possible new species!" the secret vampire exclaimed nervously and jittery. Apparently there was work for me in this land if she was the student of the 'Princess.' "If I fail, I could be sent back to magic kindergarten, or worse, the back of the class! I already lost one gold star for freaking out the first time. If I fail again I will have to take care of Roger and if I break him, then I will go to..." she takes a moment to gasp and recoil in fear, while I was afraid for what she might do and guilty for causing this, in a way. I also see all of her friends barricading themselves behind a tipped over table, except the yellow one and Pinkie Pie. Surely she wasn't going to explode or anything from stress right?

"Calm down Twilight, none of that is going to happen. I don't think he's offended. Unless you are, if so I'm sorry." she says motherly, yet also timidly.

"Yeah Twilight listen to Fluttershy and cheer up! It's not as if you restrained him against his will or let any of us threaten the possible alien we know nothing about!" said the denser than a dwarf star, pink pony. What was her lock combination? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5?

"Detention..." Twilight says fearfully. "I have been to Tartarus to lead Cerberus away from Ponyville and would pick that any day over detention." said the dramatic Twilight Sparkle, with better acting than your world's version. I decided then and there I would not allow the situation to be far more ridiculous than it already was. My hopes of it still being a dream were still alive.

"Look Ms. Twilight. I know we don't know much about each other and I can tell you are just nervous just like me, that's all. You have no way offended me and I was only skeptical with your name because it reminded me of a VERY BAD joke. I believe three times the charm here. Let us continue with introductions and see if we can move this encounter more speedily and organized." I tried to reassure her. She seemed to calm down a bit and even gets excited at the mention of organization. Bred at birth to take the mantle as Queen of the Librarians, Commander Shepard of books, and pony Batman of OCD, I see.

"Thank you. You're right. All we need to do is go at this more organized and we can all stay here, not relapse back into old habits, and take the icky medicine." she says with a too calm attitude after the Chernobyl of freak outs just happened, yet still wearing a crooked smile. She then goes to the basement to get some 'necessary materials' as she put it. All her friends give the most authentically exasperated sigh ever.

"I'm Fluttershy. I'm usually very shy, but I'm trying to be more assertive." she says staring right at eye level with me and with a look that says 'do you realize what you have done?' An coincidentally, she does say "Do you realize what you have done?"

"Oh well. Looks like we will be here a while." said the defeated hard liquor.

"At least I can give everyone the cookies I baked in the oven!" Pinkie said, still somewhat cheerful. Who thought it was a good idea to put an oven in this house?
"So, do you preferred to be chocolate chipped, raisin branded, or oatmealed?" she says, unaware of how that sounds. Is she like 10 or something or does age work differently here?

"uhh..." I say, not sure how to respond.

"I know Rarity always enjoys a good nutty one or two!" she says as almost everyone, except Rarity, starts laughing. Suddenly, Twilight comes back up the stairs (somehow) with the Mt. Everest of scrolls and quills.

"Sorry, I haven't had time to get more supplies, but I'll go the first thing in the morning!" she says too cheerfully. You expect there to be enough paper to write the Bible, Pride and Prejudice, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, the U.S. tax code, a DMV manual, and Green Eggs and Ham for flavor. Twice.

"...is it too late to say I'm offended?"

Author's Note

Tried first person. Don't know how to feel about it, but that's probably because I had to redo the copy I had and turn it into first person. I'll let you decide!

Edit: Prologue now first person, so it's consistent now.