Crackle's Unicorn

Early one morning, sunlight streamed through the room of Lyra Heartstrings. The unicorn was fast asleep in her small, square, bed. Her room was filled with posters of bipedal, anthropomorphic, homo-sapiens. "Humans," Lyra called them. The denizens of Ponyville thought she was crazy. Everypony knew that humans were purely fiction.

A loud *CRASH* suddenly awoke the minty green unicorn. She sighed, got out of bed, and began making it. She worked quickly, focusing on her hooves. How she wished she had fingers, like the humans that she worshipped. Once the bed was made, Lyra went to investigate the source of the crash, though she suspected what happened.

Opening the back door to see if her suspicion was correct, she saw a gray pegasus with a yellowed mane slouched outside, just underneath a minuscule prismatic window.

"What the fuck, Derpy," screamed Lyra with hatred.

"Oops, my bad," answered Derpy.

"No shit it's your bad, you retard. This is the fourth day in a row that you've woken me up by crashing into my fucking house. Can't you fix your derpshit eyes and be normal like the rest of us?" Lyra yelled as Derpy began to have tears forming in her eyes.

"I-it's not my fault that I was born like this," moaned Derpy.

The unicorn sighed.

"You're right. It's not your fault. I'm sorry. If you'd like, I know a way to fix your condition."

The grey mailmare was ecstatic.

"You do"?

"Of course. It's very simple. Close your eyes."

Derpy closed her eyes, overjoyed that she'd finally be accepted. No longer would she be ignored simply because she had different looking eyes. Finally, she could be happy.

The pegasus whispered, "Thank you so much, Lyra."

"No problem, kid."

Lyra took a quick look at her surroundings. Pleased that nopony was around the two, she reared up her two hind legs, turned, and bucked Derpy full force in the face.

The brute force killed Derpy on impact.

"There," Lyra said, pleased. "Maybe that not only fixed your creepy eyes, but also made your brain normal so you won't be a retard like the rest of us."

Lyra levitated Derpy's body and made it smash through the window of her neighbor's house. Luckily for Lyra, the house was vacant at the moment.

Lyra walked back into the house, and went to bed.