Rainbow Rides the Gravy Train
All Aboard the Gravy Train!
The Elements of Harmony all sat, gathered around one ornately decorated table, watching their hosts warily. The table itself was adorned with all manner of food and drink; plates of pastries were laid out for them, glasses of fresh milk lay by their sides, and a centerpiece of brightly polished apples shining with vivid shades of yellow, green, and red served to complete the experience they were here for. They had all come to Fluttershy’s house today to have lunch and chat like they usually did almost every weekend. There was one guest, however, who had not been present at their previous meetings.
“Discord,” Applejack said, eyeing the apple centerpiece warily, scrutinizing its every detail in her mind. “I hope ya don’t think ya can go foolin’ us just as easily as ya did last time with just a few pretty things here and there. Acting nice ain’t gonna cut it. I’ve got my eye on you, and I can tell when yer lyin’.” Applejack scrunched her left eyebrow, giving Discord a skeptical look. “Y’all best be playin’ nice, ya hear? We ain’t got no reservations ‘bout usin’ our elements right away this time.”
Discord shook his head, looking genuinely offended. “My dear Applejack, I wouldn’t dream of trying to harm a single strand of hair on your wonderful little heads. I’m all cleaned up, honest! I even dressed up for the occasion.” Discord motioned his arms towards his rather lavish black and white tuxedo, flashing his pearl cufflinks as he did so. “Now, before we begin eating, I do believe our glorious host, Fluttershy has a few words to say to you. Fluttershy, be a dear, would you?” Discord stepped back into a neutral position beside Fluttershy, folding his arms and staring at his company with a blank expression.
“Huh? Oh, right.” Fluttershy cleared her throat heavily, the low coughing sound echoing throughout her house in the awkward silence. “As you all know, Princess Celestia hoped we’d help Discord use his magic for good instead of evil.” The other ponies in the room blinked simultaneously, unsure of what to say. Immediately, Pinkie stuffed her face into her plate of food, eating it with such gusto that tiny bits of pastry and potato flew a few feet in each direction across the table, spattering across the surface. “Oh, Pinkie? Would you like some gravy with that? I’m sorry I forgot to ask sooner.”
Pinkie Pie raised her face from the plate of food. The others all had to stifle their giggles as they looked at her; she now had a full beard made completely out of little bits of crumbled pastry and potato that had gotten stuck in her coat. She simply ignored the weight on her face and smiled. “You bet!”
As Fluttershy reached her hoof across, Discord moved a clawed hand to intercept her. “Ah, ah, ah… Let me get that for you, my dear.” Discord snapped his fingers once, and immediately the gravy boat at the end of table came to life, barking like a happy dog. The little gravy boat bounced happily along its way heading straight for Pinkie Pie. In its excitable state, the full-to-the-brim gravy boat splashed small dollops of gravy onto the table as it skipped, each one rippling before settling into a little brown circle on the table.
“Wow, Discy! That is cool!” The boat bounced up to her, wagging the single drop of gravy hanging over its lip as though it were a happy dog, seeing its owner again for the first time all day. “Aww… What a cute little gravy boat! I think he likes me!” Pinkie giggled as the drop of gravy ‘licked’ her face, staining some of the food on her cheek brown. The gravy boat then poured a generous helping of gravy onto the remaining food on Pinkie’s plate, earning it a grateful pat on the porcelain.
Rainbow Dash watched the spectacle in abstract horror. Inanimate objects aren’t supposed to move like that! That’s just… It’s just weird! Discord must be up to something… She eyed the gravy boat with suspicion as it went its own mery way, bouncing from plate to plate.
“That’s one creepy gravy boat if you ask me… Can’t you see what Discord’s doing here, Fluttershy? He’s trying to impress us all with some cheap parlor tricks so that we’ll let our guard down and not want to use the elements on him! Well, you know what, Discord? I ain’t buying it. Gravy boats are not supposed to move.” Rainbow scowled at Discord, who now had a legitimate look of apprehension and offense on his face. The corners of his mouth seemed to quiver a little as if he was struggling not to frown.
“Oh come on now, Dashie… You’re not even giving this a chance!” Fluttershy gave Rainbow Dash a look of utter disappointment and disapproval, which made Rainbow shrink back a bit. Nobody at the table noticed the gravy boat stop in stunned silence and make a small, almost imperceivable sniffling sound. It bolted across the table towards Rainbow, putting up a guise of the happy attitude it’d just had moments ago, trying to mask what it was about to do. Without a single word of warning, it leaned over and spilled hot gravy all over Rainbow Dash’s lap.
Her eyes shot open wide as she instinctively took flight, swatting away at the burning gravy patch. “Owowow! What the hay?! That’s hot!” She pointed a hoof towards Discord, wordlessly accusing him of trying to burn her with a delicious side dish. Discord, however, had a look of genuine amusement and confusion as her smirked.
“Oh. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! Let me clean that up for you!” With a snap of his fingers, the napkins at the table sprang to life and begin rubbing the still stinging gravy out of her fur.
“That hurt! You did that on purpose!”
“Woah, woah, woah. I don’t know about that. Mistakes happen sometimes. The little gravy boat has a mind of its own, you know. All inanimate objects do, whether they’re able to express it or not. How could I have known that you’d be so callous and offend it so easily? Perhaps you should apologize to it. That would surely make it feel better about itself. Perhaps it might even apologize back.” Discord gave a small smile and gestured to the gravy boat, now slumped against the table in a defeated manner.
“No way! That was all you and you know it! I’m not falling for that. Discord’s just trying to distract us!” Rainbow yelled. As the lunch went on the accusations continued, everypony forgot about the sad, lonely gravy boat, cowering by itself at the unused corner of the table. Everypony that is, except for Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash returned a few days later to the cottage after Discord had been reformed. She didn’t want to pester Fluttershy, but she had some unfinished business to finish. She knocked on the door, the sharp knock of a hoof against wood echoing throughout the clearing. Rainbow Dash sat in bored silence for a few moments before knocking again, this time harder. Still no answer. She cast her gaze around the clearing, trying to see if she could spot either Fluttershy or Discord anywhere in the vicinity. Much to her chagrin, there was no trace of either of them.
Huh. Guess nopony’s home. Still, I didn’t come all the way out here for nothing. Fluttershy lets me crash at her place all the time when I’m too tired to get home. I’m sure she won’t mind if I let myself in again this one time. Dash leaned down and lifted up the welcome mat. She retrieved the small, golden spare key that Fluttershy kept under her welcome mat in case of emergencies. Rainbow Dash walked into the empty cottage and looked around, checking to make sure that nopony was home.
I’ve really got to tell Fluttershy to find a better hiding place for that key when she gets back.
Not even the animals were present. Dash just assumed that they’d been let into the backyard to feed themselves and play for a bit. Maybe that’s where Fluttershy was. Taking care of her animals like she always did. Rainbow couldn’t help but chuckle at her kind friend’s eagerness to help other creatures.
“Oh well. Now… Let’s see what I came here for… Right, there it is!” Rainbow walked into the kitchen and noticed the gravy boat, quivering in the corner under the dresser. “Hey! You there. I know you’re hiding under there. Come out here you little rascal. I’ve got a few things to say to you that I never got to that day that we were all here for lunch.”
The gravy boat dragged itself out from the cupboard, laying in front of her. It was dusty and scuffed in places, but somehow the gravy inside was still as fresh as the day it had been made. If Rainbow didn’t know any better, she could have sworn that the drops of gravy now spilling out of its front lip were supposed to be tears. She sighed, looking at its sad state, and felt slightly bad for it. Still, she was here for a reason.
“You know, I’m still pretty angry about you spilling that gravy on me. That really hurt a lot, you know. I mean, what kind of jerk just goes around dumping steaming gravy into an innocent pony’s lap? Does that make you feel better about yourself? Do you feel good hurting other ponies like that? I mean, you’re not even supposed to be alive and able to move and stuff.” Rainbow paused for a moment, trying to think of how to express what she felt. “You’re a real jerk, and I don’t feel bad for you at all.”
The small gravy boat just sniffled as more gravy teardrops spilled over its brim and formed little brown circles on the floor. It backed away from Dash’s verbal lashings and curled into itself. Rainbow couldn’t help but sigh as she saw it cowering away from her like she was a bullying monster. She reached a hoof out and lifted its ‘chin’ up.
“Hey. Don’t be such a big baby, okay? What you did was wrong. All I want you to do is apologize, and then we’re good, okay?” Rainbow scrunched her face and bit her lip. “Look… I’ve been thinking about what Discord said about all inanimate objects having their own thoughts and stuff. It doesn’t make much sense to me, but you’re still here and moving around, and you look kinda sad, so… I’m… sorry I guess? Maybe I was a bit too harsh on you. I wasn’t really thinking about your ‘feelings’, so I can see why you got angry. Sorry.”
The gravy boat stopped sniffling and crying and stood up, looking like it had regained some of its former vigor. It bounced over to her and licked her happily. “H-hey! Don’t lick me, that’s-” Rainbow stopped talking and her eyes widened in understanding. “Oh. Oh! You’re trying to say that you’re sorry!” Rainbow giggled. “You really didn’t mean to hurt me, did you? You were just really angry. I understand. I do stupid stuff when I’m angry sometimes. I remember this one time I was so mad, I punched my wall when I got home and almost collapsed my whole house!” Rainbow fell over giggling.
The gravy boat walked over to her and began spilling its contents all over the floor in a random pattern. Rainbow stared in confusion as she watched this happening, wondering what it was doing. Once it had finished, she looked in confusion at the mess it had made before taking into the air to view it from above. Written on the floor was a message in gravy.
“Rainbow Dash. I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. You hurt my feelings, so I just lashed out. It just kind of sucked. Everyday I was just stuck there in the cabinet. Every Saturday, I would watch you all eat and have fun around the table, while I was stuck in the cabinet all lonely. I couldn’t talk to the other dishes. I could only sit there and cry in my mind. I was so lonely…”
Rainbow scooped the gravy boat up in her arms and gave it a hug. The sniffling tears were starting to return again. “Aw… Gravy Boat… I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what it must have been like being alone for all those years. I know that Fluttershy barely ever uses you…” The gravy boat nuzzled her coat and then looked down at the floor again. There was more writing that she had missed. “Dang, you really write fast, you know that? I didn’t even notice that before.”
“You can only imagine what it felt like when the…” Rainbow wiped her eyes and shook her head to make sure what she was reading was correct. “You can only imagine what it felt like when the mare I’d developed a crush on was saying all of those hurtful things to me. I’ve watched you every weekend for years. I’ve watched the way that you hold yourself when you walk. I watch those beautiful colors bounce and shimmer in the sunlight as you soared through the sky. For years, I only wanted to be able to tell you how I felt, but I couldn’t move or talk. I couldn’t hold you. I couldn’t feel you. I couldn’t… be with you?”
Rainbow looked at the gravy boat in confusion. The gravy inside was now bubbling, and the front porcelain had turned a light shade of pink. “Gravy boat, I’m sorry. I didn’t know! How could I? Look, you seem like a really nice… kitchen accessory, but I just… How would that even work? I mean… I guess we could give it a try? I haven’t had any other stallions taking interest in me…” Rainbow frowned, her eyes getting a glazed over look as she gave the wall in front of her a thousand-yard-stare. The gravy boat hopped down and began scribbling again.
“Rainbow Dash, I promise that I’ll never let you feel alone again. I know what it’s like to feel alone. It’s not nice. Just give me a chance, and we could make the best couple ever.” Rainbow tapped her hoof to her chin. “Well, I guess we could try it. What can it hurt? It’s not like you can go rat me out to the others anyway.” Rainbow giggled and licked the gravy tears from the boat’s face, resulting in fiercer blushing for both of them. “Well, come on. Let’s go home then. This togetherness is a two way thing you know?” Rainbow Dash flew home with the gravy boat in hoof and a big smile on her face that day, knowing that she’d made somepony else very happy.
Fluttershy looked through her kitchen cupboards in confusion before turning to Discord who was splayed out on the couch. “Discord? Have you seen my gravy boat anywhere? I know that it was in here before, but I just can’t seem to remember where I placed it…”
Discord grinned fiercely, stifling a chuckle. “Why yes, Fluttershy. I do believe that Miss Rainbow Dash let herself in and kindly borrowed it earlier.” He leaned back in his chair as Fluttershy looked at him confusedly. Well, Rainbow Dash, I suppose I’ll consider it proper payback for being so rude to me once Fluttershy goes to visit you and Mr. Gravy Boat. Oh, isn’t karma just so grand? Discord laughed to himself and leaned back, falling asleep easily.
