Iron Princess Competition
by MidnightDancer
"En garde, brute!" The clash of steel on steel gave the Sun Princess pause as she meandered through the palace gardens. Momentarily concerned, she flicked her ears back and forth, pinpointing the sound. Ah, the training grounds. But why would Luna be there? Furrowing her brow slightly, she upped her pace, golden shod hooves thudding authoritatively as she cut through a meticulously groomed lawn and snapped her wings out to clear a stone wall that separated the gardens from the training grounds.
Settling atop the wall, she fluffed her wings behind her as she took in the scene before her. A ring had been marked out with strings wound around stakes, and Celestia frowned slightly as she saw that one of the combatants was her own First Lieutenant of the Day Guard. Standing opposite him, bedecked in her Lunar Armor, was Princess Luna. She held a sword aloft in her magic, smiling viciously at her sister's guard. "Come now! Do not tell me my dear sister has hired cowards in my absence! Come at Us, and show Us you are worthy!"
The reluctant guard circled warily, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the floating sword as he drew his own weapon. Luna smirked, and before he realized what had happened, a large rock met the back of his head with a sharp ding against his helmet. Blinking, he paused and rubbed the back of his head, looking flatly at Luna.
"Ha! You focus too much on the obvious, Lieutenant!" Pouncing, she took advantage of his distraction to knock him cleanly to the ground within the ring. Huffing, he stared up at Luna.
"Fine, I lose. Excellent job, Your Highness. May I go now?" Luna leaned down, nose to nose with the gray furred stallion, her smile disturbingly wide.
"Of course not! We have not won yet! You are still within the ring!" The stallion glanced back and saw that indeed, he was still a good foot away from the stakes making up the boundary of the sparring field.
"Oh, well then." He stood, shaking himself off and ignoring the predatory glint in the Moon Princess' eye. Saluting once, he took a giant step backwards, passing through the ring. Luna's smile faded into a scowl.
"What is the meaning of thi-"
"Apologies, Princess, but it looks like I lose. Well done. I'll be off, now." He turned to trot away, stopped by the miffed Princess landing in front of him.
"Nay! Have you no honor? You would forfeit a glorious battle against a Goddess?" Her eyes, half angry and half hurt, bored into his.
"Your Highness, I have a family. You're an alicorn. I am woefully outmatched. Now, if it pleases Your Highness, I'd like to return to my post." He gave a perfunctory bow before rising back up and trotting away from the sputtering Luna.
"It most certainly does not please Us, thou cowardly wastrel! How can you suppose to protect Our sister when you cannot even meet Us in battle?" Luna made to start after the wayward guard, but was stopped short by her elder sister landing squarely before her. Gazing down at Luna calmly, Celestia dipped her head.
"Sister. Why are you pulling my guards from their posts to spar with you?" Her tight-lipped smile gave every indication that, perhaps, an explanation was in order.
Meeting her gaze glare for glare, Luna drew herself up to her full height and removed her helmet. "They need to be prepared to protect Us from our enemies, Celestia. Your guard are woefully soft."
With a sigh, Celestia shook her head, taking Luna's helmet from her in her magic. Turning it this way and that in her golden aura, her eyes softened. "Things have changed greatly since you last walked these grounds, Luna. The guard is in place not to protect us from evil gods and goddesses, but to protect normal ponies that would try to harm us from our wrath."
Snorting disdainfully, Luna shook out her starry mane. "Time has made you weak as well. There was a time that our guards considered it an honor and a thing of glory to meet us in the sparring ring... but no longer. Very well, if we cannot fight our own guards, I would like to challenge you to a match, Celestia."
Again, Celestia shook her head. "No. It would not do for our ponies to see us fight, even in jest or for practice. They would... get the wrong idea, don't you think?" A wry smile wound across her muzzle, and her sister found it in herself to reciprocate.
"Fine, then." She turned, pacing back and forth across the pitch in front of Celestia, humming to herself as she thought. "I recall a trip you took to Ponyville for their Running of the Leaves, and you had mentioned a competition between Applejack and Rainbow Dash."
Smiling fondly, Celestia nodded. "Indeed. They had challenged each other to an Iron Pony competition."
"Feats of strength and grace, correct?" Luna smiled slyly at her sister. "Celestia, I challenge you to the Iron Pony Competition. Write to Princess Twilight and have her arrange for it to be held in one day's time."
Celestia's eyes narrowed. "One day?"
Smirking, Luna tossed her head playfully. "If you are not soft, as you say, sister, one day should be more than enough." With a chuckle, the dark alicorn trotted away through the courtyard towards the castle, leaving her sister to sigh and teleport to her chambers to send off that letter.
Twilight's eyes scanned the missive held aloft in her magic again before glancing up at the preparations. The letter had showed up late the previous evening, and Twilight Sparkle had spent the rest of the night and the following day alternately setting up the field and having panic attacks. Spotting a rainbow contrail, she waved a foreleg madly. "Rainbow! Rainbow Dash!"
The pegasus circled around, dispersing a cloud with a well-placed buck before fluttering down beside the new Princess. "What's up, Your Highness?"
Groaning and glaring at her friend, Twilight fluffed her wings anxiously. "Come on, Rainbow. Don't call me that. I'm still the same Twilight I was before!"
Rainbow Dash flapped a hoof in her direction, snorting. "Yeah, yeah, and bits grow on trees. Anyway, whatcha need?"
Ignoring the comment, Twilight motioned to the sky with one lavender wing. "You and the rest of the weather team have done a great job with keeping the sky clear for today's event. I need you to leave the rest of the clouds to the other members, and head off to Rarity's to see if she's done making the... the things."
Eyebrow raised, Rainbow grinned. "What... things?"
Twilight shuffled nervously, a blush blooming across her cheeks as she shoved the letter from Celestia in Rainbow's face. "You know, the... the thing. For the wings." Her own violet wings fluffed again, a feather coming loose and drifting to the ground.
Mouth moving soundlessly as she scanned the paper, Rainbow's eyes widened slightly as she got to the relevant portion. "Ah, and Rarity made... the things requested?" A small blush, mirroring Twilight's, graced her cheeks. "I know they want it to be fair, but this seems a little much, doesn't it?"
"Princess Luna insisted." The two mares locked eyes, Rainbow's eyebrow arching.
"Well, okay. I'll be back before you know it!" A whoosh of air was all that was left in her wake, ruffling the newest Princess's fur. Giving herself a brisk shake, Twilight swept her eyes across the field at the outskirts of Ponyville.
Posts had been set up to cordon off the bronco buck area, while Fluttershy set up well away from there for the chick carrying event. Her gentle voice drifted to Twilight, bringing a soft smile to the alicorn's face as the pegasus reassured her flock of chickens that their babies would be perfectly safe. Cloudchaser moved a small stormcloud into position near Fluttershy, bouncing on top of it to get the rain out to create the mud needed for the event.
Finally somewhat relaxed—Twilight could swear that Fluttershy's voice had a low level narcotic effect—Twilight headed to the rope trick area. Spike stood facing a sweating Applejack, his tiny fists balled up and bull horn helmet on his head. Cantering the rest of the way, Twilight cocked her head at her little assistant's anger. "Spike! Applejack! Is everything ready for the lasso event?"
Huffing, Spike whirled on her. "Oh, yeah. Lots of rope from Applejack here. I can't wait to be tied up by the freaking princesses." Applejack, abashed, pawed at the ground.
"Look here, Spike, I'm mighty sorry. You just seemed to do a good job last time, so I thought—"
"Last time it was you and Rainbow Dash! No offense, AJ, but neither of you have freakish unpony strength." Sitting down with his arms crossed, Spike settled in for a good, hard, sulk. Twilight and Applejack's eyes met over his head, and wordless communication passed between the two.
Applejack sighed. "Right. Well, I'm gonna go see if Pinkie Pie needs any help with the food stand. See y'all later!" She beat a hasty retreat, soon just an orange speck amongst the other ponies. Twilight watched her go ruefully before sitting beside the sulking dragon, wrapping one wing around him gently.
"Spike, you know the Princesses would never hurt you intentionally, right?"
Kicking at the ground, he nodded sullenly. "Yeah, but I still don't wanna be just... the joke. I want to actually BE helpful, you know?"
Twilight smiled softly, hugging him to her. "You're not a joke, Spike, not to me or anypony else. I promise."
The touching moment of sibling love was interrupted by the sound of Rainbow Dash and Rarity doing what they did best—bickering. Thinking quickly, Twilight stood, brushing a wing against Spike to prompt him to do the same. "Alright, Spike! I need you to head down to the grandstand and make sure that there's enough seats for everypony! If there's not enough clouds for the pegasi, be sure to grab Blossomforth or Thunderlane and tell them to make sure there's enough. All of Ponyville will be here for this, and I can't be everywhere at once, so I'd like you to help me make sure this works out."
Snapping off a smart salute, Spike grinned. "Aye aye, Twilight!" A second later, he was scampering off over the grass, making his way to the grandstand as Rarity and Rainbow Dash finally reached Twilight.
"Twilight! I've brought the wing restraints. I daresay they're some of my finest work! I do hope the Princesses approve." With a flourish, she levitated the restraints from their packaging, turning them in the sunlight as she beamed at Twilight. Twilight, however, was hung up on something else entirely.
"Rarity... what are you wearing?" Indeed, the fashionista was decked out in a long, spangly yellow gown, complete with an ornate silver headband. Rainbow smirked at Rarity.
"See, that's what I said! This isn't a fancy dress ball, Rares." Snickering, Rainbow poked at the headband, prompting an exasperated glare from the white unicorn.
"The Princesses will be here, and it's only right to show respect by looking my best." Nose upturned, Rarity sniffed at Rainbow. "Not that I expect you to dress up, dear, but I'm certainly allowed to myself."
Allowing the latest round of squabbling to fade into the background, Twilight took the wing restraints in her magic and turned them over and over, looking at them from all sides. One was a gorgeous powder blue, studded with dazzling citrine gemstones in the shape of a sun. The white laces along the top, while appearing delicate, were created from a special spider's silk from Neighpon renowned for its steel-like strength. Twilight vaguely recalled Rarity complaining about how hard it was to import, and winced slightly when she realized that Rarity probably used the entirety of her stock of it on these restraints.
The other restraint was much smaller, and made of a velvety dark blue material. Tiny diamonds glittered across the entire thing, with a large round moonstone set on the side to indicate Luna's celestial body. The same spider's silk made up the lacing of this one as well, but it had been dyed black instead. Maybe she went a little overboard, but I have to admit, these are kind of amazing.
"There they are!" The shout came from the crowd, and a hush fell over everypony as they turned as one to the sky. The Regents of the Sun and Moon were gliding into Ponyville under their own power, wide wings spread magnificently as they flew side by side. As Twilight cantered through the bowing crowd to meet her fellow Princesses, she noted that they had discarded their regalia entirely, soft fur shining from every inch of their bodies.
They landed gently, both smiling politely at the assembled ponies. "Thank you so much for the welcome, my little ponies! It is wonderful to see each of you here today." Celestia swung her head to Twilight, practiced smile turning more genuine. "And Princess Twilight! Thank you for organizing this event on such short notice."
"Of course, Princess! I'm kind of surprised—I was expecting you to bring guards with you." A dismissive snort from Princess Luna made Twilight cock her eyebrow. "I'm sorry, Princess Luna, did I say something wrong?"
Drawing herself up to her full height, Luna smiled. "Nay, Twilight Sparkle. We merely have no need of our guards for this event. I see you have brought Our restraints!" Grinning, the Moon Princess took them from a blushing Twilight, passing Celestia's to her. "Truly a work of remarkable craftsponyship."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Kick some flank, Princesses!" The crowd roared happily at Rainbow Dash's proclamation, and the sisters set about their preparations.
"Okay! Our first event is the Barrel Weave! Both Princesses will run this course, weaving between the barrels, and the one with the lowest time wins the event." Spike sat up on an extra barrel, holding his stopwatch. "Are you ready, Princess Celestia?"
Pawing at the starting line playfully, she nodded. "Whenever you are, Spike."
"Alright... ready, set, go!" Spike depressed the button on the stopwatch, and Celestia took off in a graceful blur. She weaved between each barrel expertly, muscles moving and pulling under her coat. She galloped across the finish line and turned back, panting slightly, to stand beside Luna.
"How did I do?"
"Time was fourteen point four seconds! Great job, Princess!" The ponies in the grandstand cheered, some holding up large pennants with Celestia's colors and cutie mark emblazoned on them.
"Our turn!" Princess Luna took up position at the start, crouching slightly as her body seemed to thrum with pent-up energy. "We shall not go easy on thee in this competition, sister."
Smiling, Celestia shook her mane. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Luna."
"Ready, set, go!" Luna's starry mane flagged behind her as she took off, putting more raw power into her strides than her sister. Where Celestia had galloped carefully with her head high, Luna ducked and bobbed, staying low to the ground as she cleared each obstacle with catlike grace and leaped across the finish line. Landing solidly on all four hooves, she turned with a smirk.
"Fourteen point nine seconds! Excellent time, Princess! But this event goes to Princess Celestia!" Spike hopped excitedly as Fluttershy placed a wooden, sun shaped point in Princess Celestia's part of the scoreboard. Scowling slightly, Luna shook her head.
"No matter! The competition has only just begun!" The crowd roared in approval, pegasi swooping in excited loops over the field as the two princesses made their way to the High Striker.
Applejack bowed as they approached, blonde ponytail brushing the ground, before standing to regard them both with an open smile.
"Howdy, Your Highnesses! This here's the High Striker. All y'all need to do is buck this target here as hard as ya can with your back legs, and whichever of you makes it fly highest wins the point for this event." Gesturing behind herself, she chuckled. "As y'all can clearly see, we made a few adjustments to the old High Striker here to account for y'all being... well, y'all."
Craning their necks upwards, the princesses looked with an amused bafflement at the newly towering wooden structure. The bell was raised not ten feet from the ground, but forty, and the backing of the entire thing was shored up with support beams and rope. Big McIntosh and several other Apples stood nearby, doing a last second check of the new supports, pausing to give perfunctory bows before finally settling down into the grass to watch.
Raising a brow at the High Striker, Celestia turned to her sister, small smile playing at her lips. "Do you wish to go first, Luna?"
With a sly smirk, Luna shook her head. "Age before beauty, my sister."
Celestia narrowed her eyes slightly at that before shaking it off with a smile. "Thank you." Crossing the last few feet of bright grass, she sized up the High Striker. She turned, extending one hind leg to judge where, exactly, it needed to land. Seeming to think for a minute, she moved a bit to her right, and then nodded to herself. Coiling her hindlegs up in a passable imitation of Applejack, she thrust outwards, hitting true to the target. The puck flew upwards, traveling just beyond the thirty-five foot mark before coming back down.
"Thirty-five feet and three inches!" Applejack reared up, front hooves flailing happily. "That was one hay of a buck! Your turn now, Princess Luna."
With little fanfare, Luna sauntered to the High Striker and turned to get her hindlegs in position. She glanced back once, before fixing her sister with her large teal eyes, a smirk on her face. Finally, she threw her legs up, both shooting out powerfully to hit the target. The target itself splintered, while the puck fled for its life up the High Striker. Luna whirled to watch how high it would go, and the puck struck the bell and embedded itself in it, presumably to escape her gaze.
"Forty feet! And I don't think that there bell is ever gonna be the same." Chuckling, Applejack bobbed her head to Luna. "Princess Luna wins the High Striker event!"
The upper tiers of the crowd, including most of the pegasi, sent up a happy shout at her win, flying banners and pennants with Luna's cutie mark on them. A few bat-winged pegasi could be spotted doing happy loops with the feathered pegasi, and it became clear that Luna's guards had decided to take the day off for the event as well. Waving demurely, Luna smiled. They're happy for me. This is... fun.
"Well done, Luna. Shall we continue to the next event?" Luna turned, smiling up at Celestia.
"Yes. We are having a wonderful time."
After a warm smile, the two meandered across the field, fresh grass giving way to hard packed dirt as they approached a ring made up of sturdy posts and fencing. A very unhappy Spike sat on one post, and even the presence of the Princesses wasn't enough to pull him out of his funk. Apple Fritter stood beside him, eyes darting back and forth as she nervously approached the Princesses.
"Apologies, Your Highnesses, but Spike here isn't wanting to be the po-er, dragon, that y'all are supposed to buck." She scuffed a forehoof across the dirt, sending up small clouds of dust. "We're looking for somepony else, but if'n we can't find one, we might have to skip this one."
Celestia's face softened as she looked at Spike, hunched defensively on the post and clutching his bull horn helmet. She opened her mouth to tell Apple Fritter that it was quite alright, but was interrupted suddenly by her entire world consisting of fluffy pink hair and gigantic blue eyes.
"Hiya, Princess! Spikey doesn't want to be bucked, but I don't think he should have been the dragon for the job this time anyway!" Pinkie stood on Celestia's head, staring at her upside down.
"Wait, what?" Spike turned, fists balled up again, as Pinkie continued.
"I mean Spike was great when it was Dashie and AJ! But you Princesses are so much bigger than them! It only makes sense that you have something bigger to buck off, right?" Celestia could only meet Pinkie's wide grin with a careful nod.
"I suppose that is correct. I do not think either Luna nor I would wish to harm Spike, even unintentionally." Luna nodded, appearing to be studying Pinkie Pie. She wondered idly if the Element of Laughter would be interested in doing covert operations, but discarded that idea after remembering that she would insist on bringing her party cannon.
A shame, that.
Her musing were interrupted by the pink menace landing on her own back, somehow managing to sit astride her. "So I thought it would be the best thing EVER if I were the rider! I'd love to be bucked!" The energetic pony leaped from Luna's back to the grass below, beaming widely.
The sisters exchanged a glance, Luna stifling un-princesslike laughter at the proposal. "Very well, Pinkie Pie. We apologize in advance if we harm you in any way; we shall be careful with you."
"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie bounded off into the ring, quivering with excitement. Spike happily slapped the bull horn helmet onto Pinkie's head, much to her delight.
Celestia chuckled, following the pink pony. Pinkie leaped on Celestia's back again, sitting astride her and holding to her wing restraint, dodging strands of ethereal mane. "I'm ready when you are, Princess!"
Spike, on stopwatch duty once more, clambered atop the highest post. "Alright! Ready, set, go!"
Celestia bucked forwards onto her front legs, pushing a delighted Pinkie Pie up. She held fast, however, so the Princess spun, bucking again and again across the arena. Clouds of dust rose from her once pristine hooves and spun around the two ponies, rider and horse, and a hush fell over the crowd at seeing their Princess reduced to a farm animal.
Sweating, muscles she hadn't used in ages straining, Celestia gave one last mighty buck, dislodging Pinkie Pie fully and sending her sprawling sideways into the dust. Panting, the Princess cantered to her, offering her a hoof up. "I-I'm s-sorry Pinkie," she panted, "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sweat beaded Celestia's brow for the first time in years, and she smiled privately at that. See? A little sweat never hurt anypony.
"I'm super duper! Thanks Princess, that was a fun ride!" Hopping to her hooves, Pinkie grinned up at the Princess, dust and dirt dulling her coat but not her smile. "What was the time on that?"
"Seven seconds!" Spike waved the stopwatch, giddy with excitement. "That means Pinkie didn't even stay on for the eight seconds used for regulation bucking!"
Blowing an errant strand of hair from her face, Pinkie pouted. "Awwww! I tried so hard! But that just means the Princess did an extra super-duper-alleyooper job!"
Celestia beamed over at her sister, nuzzling her neck briefly. "Careful, Luna—Pinkie is a formidable foe." Giving Luna a mock-serious stare, she held it for all of two seconds before both ponies burst out into easy laughter.
"I shall keep that in mind, my sister," snickered Luna, hopping easily into the ring. "Come aboard, Pinkie Pie, and hold fast lest I buck you all the way to Fillydelphia!"
"We would be okay with that!" Came a shout from the clouds above, a small group of pegasi laughing and waving to their Princess. Surprised and pleased that families from all over Equestria had apparently come to the event, Luna waved back with a grin.
"I shall endeavor to have her land far from Benjamane Frankley's big brass balls! I fear they may damage her." Giving a cocky grin to the sky, Luna reminded herself to visit Fillydelphia sometime soon.
Rolling her eyes at her sister's posturing, Celestia cleared her throat. "Ah, Luna. The event?"
"Of course!" Planting her hooves at the ready, she cast a cocksure grin back at Pinkie Pie. "Art thou prepared for thy thorough trouncing?"
"Trouncing?" Pinkie tilted her head, one hoof tapping her chin in thought as she leaned on the back of Luna's head. "Is that anything like bouncing? Because I love bouncing! Bouncing is like the funnest thing eve-"
"ReadysetGO!" Spike mashed down on the stopwatch, cutting another rambling story from Pinkie Pie mercifully short. Luna exploded into a flurry of activity, hooves dancing and rearing and bucking back and forth as Pinkie clung to the straps expertly. Her starry mane whipped across both their faces, tail undulating with the excess energy of each action. Her bucks were ferocious, but Pinkie was prepared this time, and held fast.
Luna stopped suddenly for half a beat, and then hopped to the side before bucking once more, leg muscles burning at the strange combination of actions. Pinkie flew off over Luna's head, hooves flailing as she landed well outside the ring. Somehow, the pink pony stuck the landing perfectly, raising one hoof in an airy wave to the gobsmacked spectators.
"Seven point six seconds! The point for this event goes to Princess Celestia!" Yellow, white, and pink streamers were tossed into the air in celebration by the ponies in the grandstands, and Pinkie hopped circles around the Princesses.
"That's so awesomazing! And really fun, too!" Giggling, Pinkie hopped away to stand with Spike, who was going over the scroll listing the order of events. Reading the next one, he turned to Pinkie, whispering in her ear. She nodded once, then again, before a smile lit her muzzle from end to end.
"You can do the honors, Pinkie. This should be good." Spike snickered, plopping down on the pole with some popcorn as Pinkie sauntered with unusual care to the Princesses.
Eyes half-lidded, the party pony smiled faintly up at Celestia. Voice pitched slightly lower than usual, Pinkie continued advancing on the princess. "Oh, Princess Celestia? The next event is the hog tie. But we don't have any hogs, and Spike isn't going to do it."
Raising a brow, Celestia peered down at Pinkie warily. "Oh? Am I to assume you are standing in in his stead?"
"Yep." She giggled, eyes darting to Princess Luna before settling back to Celestia. "Do you need to hear the rules?"
Backing slowly, Celestia nodded, unsure of what to make of Pinkie Pie. Luna joined her, frowning down at the pink pony. "Pinkie Pie, why do you behave so strangely? Perhaps we bucked you a bit too hard?"
Giggling, Pinkie glanced over her shoulder. "Spike? The rules, please!"
Drawing himself up and puffing out his chest, Spike unrolled the scroll before him, clearing his throat.
"The rules of the Hog Tie are as follows! Number one: Each contestant must create their own lasso out of rope prior to the event. Number two: The hog—no offense, Pinkie—must be chased and caught with the lasso. The contestant then has to tie the hog's feet together to stop the time. No wings—not that that's a problem—and no magic may be used to assist you in this event." Spike plopped back down, waving to the crowd that cheered at his reading.
"That means that you have to catch me if you can." Grin growing even wider, Pinkie batted her eyes at the Princesses.
Luna tilted her head. "Surely that isn't so difficult, the ring is scarce a score of feet square—"
"She's Pinkie Pie, sister. This is going to be more difficult than I thought." Celestia eyed the pink pony bouncing inside the ring, bull horn helmet bouncing on her fluffy mane. Celestia sighed at her sister's disbelieving look, and stepped into the ring. Apple Fritter tossed a coiled length of rope to Celestia, which she caught gracefully in her own mouth. Bobbing her head in thanks, Celestia sat back and grabbed an end of the rope in her forehooves while keeping a grip in her mouth.
After a few minutes, it became clear the Sun Princess was having some issues. Applejack approached the side of the ring, raising a brow at the coils of rope adorning both of Celestia's forelegs. "Havin' a problem, Princess?"
Blinking, Celestia raised her head to Applejack with a wan smile. "I have no idea how earth ponies do it, Applejack. But I think I have it now, I just need to—" she grunted, pulling an end of rope through some coils with her teeth, "and then I just—" she pulled once more, hooves sliding out of the loops deftly. With a triumphant grin, she held up the finished piece, and Applejack nodded.
"Not the neatest lasso I've ever seen, but I suppose we can give you fancy ponies some leeway on that." Tipping her hat playfully, she smiled. "Ready when you are."
Celestia took the loose end in her teeth, and nodded to Spike. With a nod back, he began. "Ready, set, go!" With a whip of her head, the lasso was spinning above her in a mere second, eyes scanning the ring for Pinkie Pie.
"Over here!" Celestia whirled, the lasso's neat rotation faltering as she came nose to nose with the other pony. Grinning widely, Pinkie zipped away around Celestia, who threw the lasso after her. It landed forlornly in the dirt, sending up a pathetic puff of dust, as Pinkie dodged fluidly and hopped around the perimeter of the ring. Aggravated, Celestia whipped the rope up once more, eyes tracking Pinkie Pie as she innocently trot-bounced across the packed dirt, humming to herself.
As Pinkie's eyelids came down for a blink, Celestia threw the rope again, catching true around one of Pinkie's hooves and yanking as hard as she could to tighten the rope. Squeaking, Pinkie flailed her other three hooves as she was pulled to the Princess, losing her hat in the process. Celestia swiftly wrapped the rope around the rest of her legs, tying her semi-neatly. Placing a dirt-streaked hoof lightly on Pinkie's side, Celestia smiled at Spike, panting.
"Twenty-two point three seconds!" He waved the stopwatch at her, smiling, even as her face fell.
"That long?"
"I'm not an easy pony to catch! You did a great job!" Pinkie untangled herself from the ropes, zipping up to stand in the middle of the ring once more as Celestia heaved her aching body out. Luna leaped in lightly, eyes narrowed at Pinkie Pie.
"I know not what magic you employ, but I shall overcome it." Striding with strong steps to the center, she turned to Apple Fritter, who tossed her a rope as well. To Celestia's surprise, Luna held a neat lasso in under ten seconds, smiling cheekily at her sister as she took the loose end in her mouth. "I am ready, Spike."
"Ready, set, go!" Luna whipped the lasso up and around, spinning in tight coils as she fixed her gaze on Pinkie Pie. Pinkie froze, and then took off in a blur of fluffy pink mane, galloping to the right of the Princess. Smiling to herself, Luna threw the lasso, only to have it hit nothing but dirt. Pinkie had disappeared.
Whirling right and left, Luna's breath came more ragged. That's impossible! A second later, the pink pony herself popped up from Luna's undercarriage, poking her in the chin. "Hee hee! Missed me!" She bounded away again before the Princess could bring her lasso to bear, an aggravated snort leaving her as she watched Pinkie innocently whistling as she bounced along.
Snorting, Luna took off after her, keeping the lasso spinning as she closed the distance. Pinkie suddenly stopped and spun in place, charging now instead directly at the Princess. Eyes widening in surprise, Luna halted, the lasso coming down sloppily over her own neck. A coil of the slack flopped across her muzzle, and Pinkie Pie pointed with shining eyes before bursting out in laughter. Falling back and kicking at the air, she missed Luna spinning the lasso again until the ropes were pulling her legs together.
Pinkie Pie pouted slightly, glancing down at the ropes. "Aw."
"Twenty-five point five seconds! This event's point goes to Princess Celestia!" Celestia beamed, waving to the crowd once more before heading across the hill. Luna trotted after her, looking mildly perturbed.
Rarity gave a dazzling smile to the Princesses as they approached, and bowed, her long gown brushing lightly through the grass. "Your Highnesses! Welcome most warmly to the Ball Bounce! Each of you will have one of these levitated towards your heads. The counting starts when I drop the balls. The object of the event is to bounce your ball on your own head the most times.Your counters for today will be Rainbow Dash for Princess Celestia, and Princess Twilight Sparkle for Princess Luna." Nodding to both Princesses, she asked, "Will there be any questions?"
Both sisters shook their heads, eying their respective balls; a pearly pink for Princess Celestia and a pearly purple for Princess Luna. Nodding again, Rarity raised the balls in her magic to rest them over the heads of the sisters. "Then, let the event begin!" With a flourish, she released the balls, both hitting their targets dead on. Balancing carefully, the Princesses began bouncing their balls while Twilight and Rainbow counted silently beside them.
Celestia wobbled slightly at first, before settling in to a solid stance and motion for her neck. Hooves planted, her eyes rolled upwards to watch the ball, keeping her own internal count going as Rainbow kept hers. She was up over one hundred by the time a few minutes had passed, and she grinned, keeping her pace up.
Luna bobbed and weaved a bit, never quite managing to hit the ball directly upwards. Frustrated, she moved to correct herself, but wound up over-correcting. Sweat poured down her face as the ball bounced in a more and more wild fashion, Luna barely catching it on her head. A few minutes later, she woefully misjudged a landing, and the ball ricocheted off of her horn and into the crowd behind them. Her restraints strained at her agitated wings fluffing underneath and at her chest, heaving breaths. She eyed the ball balefully, seeing it fought over by two fillies in the front row, and turned to her sister with a snort.
Twilight and Rainbow conversed briefly, and the lavender alicorn trotted to Rarity afterward, confirming the results. Rarity nodded and cleared her throat, thrusting out a foreleg. "The winner of the Ball Bounce Event is Princess Celestia, with two-hundred and twenty bounces!"
Celestia gigged, high-stepping to the next event, as Luna shadowed her behind with a scowl.
Stray pieces of hay crunched beneath the now-filthy hooves of the Princesses of the Sun and Moon as they approached the next event. Two gleaming golden hay bales lay side by side behind a white painted line, both wrapped snugly around the middle with rope. A smiling Carrot Top greeted them both with a low bow, before popping up and gesturing to the hay bales.
"Your Highnesses, this is the Hay Throw. Simply use the rope attached to your hay bale to lift and throw it as far as you can. Whoever throws theirs furthest, wins." Scraping at the grass excitedly with a hoof, her shining green eyes darted from one princess to the other. "Any questions?"
In response, both sisters stood behind their respective bales, ropes in mouths. "Alright! Whenever you're ready." Carrot Top stepped back to the sidelines as Luna nodded her head slightly to Celestia to grant her the first turn.
Hefting the bale, Celestia began to slowly rock it back and forth. One eye carefully followed the angle of the swing, the rope creaking in her teeth. Once the bale's upward swing reached a nearly horizontal axis, Celestia released, letting it sail effortlessly through the air. It thumped down a good distance away, and a brown pegasus stallion approached after noting the distance. "Thirty-four feet and ten inches, Your Highness."
"A respectable showing." Celestia nodded to the brown pony before turning to her sister. Luna reached out with a forehoof, gesturing for Celestia to move further away. Confused, she acquiesced, moving to the sidelines with the spectators.
Luna lifted her rope in a fluid motion, the bale following as she whipped it around her head the same way she had the lasso, teeth straining to keep a hold of the rope. Before the centripetal force could throw her off-balance, she released the bale, watching it soar away above the cloud layer. Rainbow Dash, realizing it was going far beyond where her scorekeeper was standing, flew after it.
A minute passed.
A bird hopped across the pitch, chirping merrily.
Another minute.
Finally, a rainbow blur approached, executing a perfect landing directly in front of Luna. "Eighty-seven feet and six inches, Your Highness! You almost chucked it in the reservoir."
The crowd cheered as the Princess blushed apologetically, but she was still unable to stop a small smile from forming at her sister's arched eyebrow. Ha! I am back in the game, my sister!
A gleaming white, circular table, newly polished, awaited the Princesses at the next event. Two ornate, high backed chairs sat at either end, plush purple pads for their royal posteriors situated on the center of each seat. With raised eyebrows, the sisters took in the sight of the table before turning to one another and wincing. Both sisters sported a respectable coating of sweat and dust by now, and neither felt quite... clean enough to settle on the chairs. Just beyond the table, Rarity and Rainbow Dash squabbled.
"They're the Princesses, Rainbow Dash! I shall not leave them to sit on some filthy stump!" Rarity huffed and tossed her mane, one persistent curl falling back over her eye as she glared at the pegasus.
"Uh, hello? Equestria to Rarity? They're already filthy!" Rainbow waved a hoof at the bewildered monarchs, rolling her eyes. "They're doing the Iron Pony Competition. Newsflash: It's not a contest to see who can be dantiest."
Stomping a hoof, Rarity screeched in outrage. "Rainbow Dash, how dare you! These chairs and this table were hoof-crafted for this event! The pads were created and sewn by me from the finest velvet I could find! You would deny your Princesses that luxury?"
"It's quite alright, Rarity." Celestia beamed down at her, bobbing her head. "Rainbow Dash is quite correct. We are quite a bit more dirty than we normally are."
"However, far be it from us to reject such generosity from Our little ponies!" Luna cut in smoothly, smiling slyly at her sister. "Truth, sister, I feel as though the chairs would be a great boon to our royal rumps this day." Trotting to the table, Luna turned, giving Rarity a good look at how much dirt was embedded in the Moon Princess' coat. "Indeed, I shall take my repose post-haste!" With a wink back to Celestia, who wore a look of dawning comprehension, Luna settled into her chair.
She stretched, rubbing her back against the chair, gleaming white wood quickly becoming tarnished with earth. Luna wriggled her rump, letting her hocks rub their burden of dirt off as well. Settling back, she grinned. "Ah, this is much better, Lady Rarity. We thank thee."
Rarity, meanwhile, was developing a twitch. "Y-Yes, Your Highness, I'm so glad you approve..." She faltered, trailing off as Princess Celestia smirked, following her sister's lead.
"This chair is divine, Rarity! Well done." She ground her back into the chair back, dirt and general mess flaking off bit by bit as she rubbed. "This truly hits the spot. Your wing restraints are of admirable construction, but I've had an itch underneath for half an hour now!" Chuckling, she leaned forward, reaching her forelegs and hooves across the table. Great swaths of dirt smeared across the top, sullying the white surface and dulling the inlaid sapphires and diamonds.
Rainbow Dash feigned a coughing fit as Rarity's minor twitch developed into a full-blown tic, pupils dilating as she watched a day of frantic work go directly down the drain. "Yes. Well. I apologize, Your Highnesses, but I've gotten a touch too much sun today. I think I shall go lie down. In my boutique. With a nice bottle of red. Thank you." She bowed, somewhat unsteadily, before wandering away across the field. Rainbow finally let go of her laugh, rolling on the ground as the spectators tittered and whispered amongst each other.
"That was cruel, sister," giggled Celestia, hiding her grin behind a hoof.
"I did not see you refusing to play along." Luna grinned, poking at her sister with a hind hoof beneath the table.
"I never said I did not approve, Lulu." Giggles overtook Luna then too, and the two laughed together as Rainbow Dash approached, still chuckling.
"Alright, alright. This is a straight-up hoof wrestle. Whichever of you pushes the other hoof down first, wins. Easy, right?" The Princesses nodded, settling their elbows on the table and clasping hooves with each other. "Then ready? Set! Go!"
The two Princesses immediately strained at each others hooves, bearing down with all the power they could muster. Flashing teal eyes met simmering pink ones across the table, the wind billowing out both ethereal manes as a hush fell over the crowd. Luna grit her teeth, eyes boring into her sister, as Celesta met her glare for glare. A shimmering heat rose around Celestia as an impossible cold crept around Luna, both sisters unconsciously calling on their celestial bodies. The crowd murmured and gasped, the ponies at the top of the grandstand and on the clouds moving down to safer areas as the heat increased and the clouds began to dissipate.
"No magic! NO MAGIC!" Came Pinkie Pie's panicked shout, pink hooves flailing as she trotted up. Blinking, both Princesses reigned in their power, and the atmosphere became immediately lighter. Smiling sheepishly through the strain of the event, they waved their free hooves to the audience.
"Quite sorry! Won't happen again!" Celestia blushed fiercely, fixing her gaze not on her sister, but on their clasped hooves this time. Luna mirrored her blush, redoubling her efforts to push down her sister in her embarrassment. Celestia faltered slightly, giving Luna her opening. With a resounding crash, the Moon Princess slammed the hoof of the Sun Princess to the table triumphantly.
A second later, there was a creak. Audible cracking could be heard for a bare moment before the table split fully down the middle, one half falling onto each Princess' lap. Chuckling nervously, Luna offered an apologetic shrug. "Sorry?"
Taking a moment from gaping at the destruction, Rainbow nodded. "Okay. Yeah. So. Princess Luna wins the point for this event." She pulled both halves of the table away, allowing the Princesses to rise and head to the next event.
Celestia pressed her head close to her sister. "At least Rarity wasn't around for that part." Giggling, both Princesses continued on, mood lightening.
Two hoofballs sat side by side in the sunlight, garish paint standing out in the bright grass. Miss Cheerilee and a small gaggle of foals stood nearby, beaming cheerfully at the approaching Princesses. Bowing, she motioned to the foals to do likewise, and the field was soon covered in awkward bows and half-remembered curtseys. Smiling beatifically, Celestia bowed back gently. "And to what do we owe the honor of this lovely reception?"
The foals bounced back up, Cheerilee holding up a hoof to silence them before the babbling could start. "Well, you see, your highnesses, the children painted these hoofballs just for you." Smiling nervously, she tapped two foals on the head, who broke away from the group to stand in front of the balls.
"This one here's from my half of the class. Uh, it's got a sun on it, and some clouds, and we all tried to sign it for ya!" The small yellow filly trotted in place happily, looking up at Celestia proudly. "Why, it's some of our finest work!"
Celestia glanced down at the ball, peering at it this way and that. The light blue surface was marred with bright streaks of red and orange, presumably where the foals had tried to sign. A large yellow sun, adorned with a smiling face and some sunglasses, sat just below the middle stitching. "It's beautiful, my little ponies. I truly appreciate all the work you all put into this." The foals cheered, the yellow filly bowing once, ribbon bobbing, before heading back to her teacher.
The remaining pink foal bowed to Princess Luna, who could not help but notice that even during the bow, the filly's nose stayed planted in the air. "Princess Luna. My half of the class made this beautiful hoofball for you. As you can see, Silver Spoon and I did a wonderful job with painting it for you." The filly raised her head, pleased, and awaited the surely incoming praise.
"You and this Silver Spoon did this yourself? Did thy classmates not wish to help thee?" Luna turned the ball over in her hooves, blinking down at it curiously.
"Well, of course we did. We couldn't let those other foals mess it all up! The Princess deserves the best." Diamond Tiara fluffed her mane with a hoof, batting her eyes innocently at Luna as the other foals grumbled.
"Little filly, while the ball is indeed nice, thy teacher has implied it was a group project. Next time, do not exclude the other children from completing their assignments." Luna drew up to her full height, looking down at Diamond with a mix of pity and scorn. "Whilst not all will be talented in the art of painting, all would indeed have been able to show talent in the art of making thy princess happy with their heartfelt efforts."
Diamond Tiara, looking as though the Princess had just slapped her, backed slowly away to join the rest of the group. The uncomfortable silence was broken by Miss Cheerilee's upbeat voice, quavering only slightly. "Okay! So! The Hoofball Kick! Each Princess will kick their hoofball as far as they can. Furthest kick wins!"
Luna replaced her ball on its stand and stood with her sister, gesturing to her to go first. Celestia nodded, turning her back to her ball. Lining up her hooves, she bucked outward, sending her ball flying. To her dismay, instead of the expected graceful parabola through the clouds, the ball struck the ground a few feet from the kickstand, bouncing and rolling across the ground until it came to a rest at the base of a tree.
"Er, well, that's seven feet, Your Highness! Great job!" Celestia snorted, glancing at Cheerilee with a curt nod before trotting away behind her sister. Luna smirked, turning around and kicking the ball with both forelegs, sending it flying up and away. A moment later, Rainbow Dash flapped over. "Forty-one feet, Your Highness!" Shaking out her mane, Luna proudly trotted past her sister, away to the next event.
A wooden half-moon with a number four emblazoned on it sat cozily in Luna's part of the scoreboard, while a sun with an identical number four sat in Celestia's. Seeing the tie reignited the fire of competition in both sisters, and they picked up their pace across the field. Waiting near the rodeo ring stood the largest pegasus stallion either sister had seen before. His coat shone white in the sunlight, powerful muscles bulging and straining under his coat. Slightly in awe, they exchanged a glance as the pony bowed to them carefully. Once he stood back up, he was all business.
"Alright, Princesses!" His harsh bark came as a surprise, and both sisters jumped slightly, holding themselves more at attention. "My name is Snowflake, and this is the push-up competition! I expect to see no less than two-hundred push-ups from each of you!" Their faces fell, but were schooled back into rigorous attention with one glare from the pegasus. "Now, the Princess who does the most push-ups wins the event, but if neither of you make it to two-hundred, you are both losers! Now drop to your hooves and start!"
The sisters obeyed hastily, Twilight Sparkle counting off Celestia's while the pegasus counted off Luna's. The event started off strong, with both sisters reaching fifty pushups just past the minute mark. The next fifty took a bit longer, both pacing themselves more evenly to outlast the other. Snowflake crouched in front of Luna, letting his red-rimmed glare be the only thing she saw on her way down and her way up, and she huffed angrily.
Celestia made it to one-hundred and fifty first, white coat shining with sweat. Her restraint was feeling tighter and itchier, beads of sweat beneath it trickling down and making her shiver slightly. Still, she plugged on gamely, focusing on the counting of her most faithful student to keep her centered.
Luna caught up quickly, hitting the two-hundred mark. Legs wobbling, she forced them onwards, continuing the mechanical up and down press of the exercise. Her ethereal mane was plastered to her neck, and rivulets of sweat made their way down her muzzle. Snowflake continued to look on dispassionately, only perking up once Celestia collapsed to the ground, wheezing.
"Alright! Princess Luna had 243 push-ups. YEEEEEEAH!" Snowflake offered the Princess a hoof up, which she gladly took.
"Princess Celestia had 232 push-ups! The point goes to Princess Luna for this event." The crowd cheered heartily, and Luna pressed her body to her sister's, helping her stand. Together, the sweating and disheveled Princesses gave a half-hearted nod to Snowflake before limping across the pitch to the next event.
Both sisters groaned as they came upon the next field. A white line had been marked, with another white line ten feet ahead of it. Beyond that was a long stretch of grass, at the end of which was situated a long pit of sand. Luna drew her hoof down her own face, eyes seeking out Pinkie Pie. "Truly? After that last grueling event, we must do a long jump?"
"Yepperonis! The rules are easy-peasy, too! You just start at this line," Pinkie zipped over, toeing the first line, "and then run all the way to this line," she galloped over, leaping suddenly. "And then you leap through the air and land in the sand!" As she finished speaking, her hooves came down at the far border of sand and grass, causing both royal jaws to become unhinged. "Whichever pony lands the furthest, wins!" Giggling, she rolled in the sand, erasing her own hoofprints before rolling all the way out and onto the grass. She smiled encouragingly, and the Princesses shrugged at one another.
Celestia trotted to the start line, shaking out her forelegs before glancing ahead. Pawing at the line, she snorted once before taking off. Hitting the second line, she jumped, muscles protesting violently as she flew. Landing hard in the middle of the packed sand, she panted and jumped out, flopping to the ground in an undignified heap. "Go 'head, Woona."
"I shall." Sizing up the distance, Luna began her gallop, increasing speed until her hooves left the ground in a mighty leap. Stretching out her forelegs as far as they could go, she covered the last bit of distance needed and landed squarely ahead of her sister's hoofprints. Flopping beside her sister, she barely heard Pinkie announcing the winner of the event over her own pained breaths.
"This event is going to be a little easier than the last ones. Um, not that you need easy events, but I just thought after the last few that you could use a break. Not that you're weak! I don't think you're weak at all..." Fluttershy trailed off with a squeak, bowing repeatedly to the Princesses.
"It's quite alright, Fluttershy." Celestia shifted slightly, giving the chicks on her back a more even place to stand. "So, we both carry the chicks to their mothers across these mud pits, and whichever of us has the most chicks left, wins? Is that correct?"
A mute nod was her reply, and Celestia smiled gently. "Alright. I am ready when you are, Luna."
Princess Luna shifted slightly, having a difficult time keeping all of her chicks comfortable. A dozen baby chickens on one's back was not the most welcoming of sensations, even with the restraint between they and she. Both approached their respective mud pits, and turned to Fluttershy.
"Oh, um, go?" She hid behind her mane as the first splashes of mud flew up, splattering the pink curtain.
Luna hurried across, trying to move quickly and smoothly through the mud, whilst Celestia took her time, placing her hooves carefully. Splashes of mud flew up from both Princesses, their lower legs and underbellies becoming completely coated as they traversed the ten feet. Luna reached the end first, frowning as only two chicks jumped off of her back. The other ten were scuttling across the grass towards their mother, and Luna smiled for a bare moment at how adorable they were.
Celestia arrived, nine chicks still firmly on her back. She knelt, cooing to the little creatures as they tumbled off and into their mother's waiting wings. Fluttershy gave a contented sigh. "Princess Celestia wins the point for this event. But you were both wonderful! Thank you for being so careful." Her earnest teal eyes shone up at the Princesses as she gathered her chickens to her in a hug.
"We value all our creatures, dear Fluttershy. Thank you for trusting them with us." Celestia swung her head at the sound of hoofbeats, and raised a brow at her faithful student as she approached.
"It's time for the last event, Princesses! Luna, you're currently one point ahead of Celestia. If you win the next one, you win the competition and will be named the Iron Pony!" More streamers rained down on the trio of royals from excited fans, and the sisters locked eyes, competition driving them once more.
A twenty foot wide mudpit was set up back at the start of the competition, centered so all the ponies assembled could get a good view. It burbled periodically as it set, seeming vaguely threatening, as if wishing to sully both the coats and the minds of the competitors. Braeburn and Big Mac stood at opposite ends, holding the ropes clean for the Princesses, while a pennant split down the middle with one side the Sigil of the Sun and the other of the Moon fluttered lazily in the middle. Twilight stood tall, reading the rules off a scroll held aloft in her magenta aura.
"This is the final event! This is Tug-Of-War. The rules are simple. Whoever pulls the pennant to their side, and thus, their opponent into the mud, wins the event. Don't hold back, Princesses!" Luna took her end graciously from Braeburn, and Celestia followed suit with a polite nod to Big Mac. A hush fell over the audience, even the pegasi stopping their exuberant loop-de-loops to not miss a second of the final event.
"Ready! Set! Go!" Twilight brought her hoof down, and with a tightening of jaws and digging in of hooves, the Princesses began.
An early stalemate was broken when Celestia's jaw slipped a fraction of an inch on her rope, Luna taking advantage and viciously yanking. Recovering quickly, Celestia made up the lost ground with measured steps backwards, meeting her sister's eyes across the mud. Sweat stung at her, running down her muzzle and dampening the rope, and the restraints of both sisters creaked as they tried to suppress their natural inclination to use their wings.
Back and forth the two pulled, neither seeming to gain any ground, until something occurred to Celestia. She let her end of the rope go momentarily slack, causing Luna to stumble slightly, and then she yanked for all she was worth. Luna tried and failed to recover, going end over end into the mud pit with a tremendous splash as Celestia yanked the clean pennant to herself.
The crowd, as one, exhaled. Then the cheers began swelling up from all of them as Twilight giddily pranced in place. "Princess Celestia wins the event! That means you two have tied, and have both won the title of Iron Pony!" Shaking herself off in a canine fashion, Luna stood beside Celestia, both alicorns somewhat perturbed. Cloud Chaser and Cloud Kicker swooped down, dropping garlands of roses around each of the contestant's necks as Lemon Hearts and Lyra Heartstrings approached to remove the restraints with their magic.
Shaking out her wings, Luna tilted her head at Twilight. "A tie?"
"Yes, Princess, and I think we all learned an important lesson here today!" The newest princess beamed up at her mentor, who looked at her quizzically.
"We have?"
"Yes. In doing the Iron Pony Competition, even though you were at odds, you both learned what you are good at! Celestia's planning and way of reading ponies helps her clear a path for Luna's unbridled might and power. Don't you see?" Twilight pranced in place, smiling from one Princess to the other. "You compliment each other perfectly. That's why you rule so well together! And why you should never have to rule apart again, or let petty squabbles come between your sisterly love." Finishing her little speech, Twilight puffed her chest out proudly. "Looks like I may have taught you something today, Celestia!"
"Sister," began Luna calmly, "I propose that for a tie-breaker, we race to the castle. First one there wins."
"You're on, Sister," chuckled Celestia.
"But, wait..." Twilight raised an ineffectual hoof as the Princess of the Moon took off, wide blue wings cutting through the air towards Canterlot. "Princess Celestia?"
"You underestimate the power of sibling rivalry, Twilight." Winking, she powered up her horn. "I can't wait to see Lulu's face when she realizes she forgot to say how the race was to be completed." Disappearing in a flash, Celestia left behind a confused and forlorn Princess of Friendship.
She kicked the ground with a forehoof. "Nuts."
Author's Note
Pinkie is best hog.
Pre-read by Lord Sunder for the most part with assists from EricKilla.
