The Enlightenment

by Fried Waters

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6
Length: 2057

Spike turns over a new leaf and decides to partake in a not-so-typical day in PonyVille.

Spike wakes up one morning and feels it's time for a change. He spends the day wandering around PonyVille, causing all kinds of mischief and getting into all kinds of trouble.

(TL;DR: Just read the story for yourself. Also, apparently I can't swear in the description.)

Published 2013-09-28 21:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-28 21:30:03 UTC

What's THIS gonna be?

Spike woke up one morning, blah blah blah, usual shit.

(Insert some stupid ass backstory which leads to current event).

''Hey Twilight! You up yet?'' called Spike.

''Well, yes. I've been calling you to get out of bed for two hours now! I had to make breakfast myself. Is everything alright with you?''

''Yeah, sorry. I was up all night jacking off.''

''Excuse me?'' Twilight scrunched her face up at this vulgar statement.

''Whatever. So, what shitty homework assignment has your dominatrix given you this time?''

''Well, she's...wait, what did you just say?!'' exclaimed Twilight.

''Just wondering what your wet dream matriarchal tyrant has given you to do for her this time. Better hurry with it; she'll get mad if she thinks she hasn't got total control over you. Oh, could you write her a letter telling her I hate her for me? Thanks.''

Blocking Spike from leaving with a levitation spell, Twilight confronted him over this new revelation.

''Princess Celestia is our benevolent, wise and exulted leader, Spike! I will NOT have you making jokes like that about the pony who raises the sun and keeps our society together!''

Spike looked at her in mock incredulation. ''Wow, what the fuck is this? North Korea?'' he commented.

''Spike!'' Twilight gasped at his ''foul'' use of language. Even though ''fuck'' doesn't really offend anyone.

''Don't get mad at me just because you're a filthy brainwashed drone who doesn't understand how society's supposed to work. Yeah, I have a problem with a class divided, rifted country being unanimously led by one old skank who does fuck all but bathe in gold and pleasure herself with her tiara.''

Twilight could hardly compose herself. ''How DARE you?! I...I can't... she's our omnipotent, infinitely wise ruler! As my assistant, you should know better!''

Spike smirked. ''Hey, don't take your denial out on me.'' he said, holding his hands up. ''Not my fault you've deluded yourself into unconditional service to that cunt.''

That last word was the final straw.

''GET OUT!'' screamed Twilight, who was struggling to maintain what little control she had. ''Get out now! I raised you better than to use such foul language and disrespect EVERYTHING we've ever held dear! Come back when you've taken a good long look at yourself!''

''Wow, you think you're some sort of maternal figure just because you've whored yourself out to that manipulative old hag? Too bad she couldn't get real respect if she was in charge of a bunch of toddlers.'' retorted Spike, running out the door and dodging the ensuing stream of books and objects levitated at him by his in-denial, unstable mentor/ single permavirgin nerd boss.

Chuckling to himself like a loser, Spike felt a new feeling inside of him. He finally understood. After all these years of respecting that skank and her stupid whore friends, he finally understood them for what they truly were. Now, it fell to him to spread the truth and break them out of their delusion. He was going to enjoy today.

The first ''victim''/ individual he would enlighten would be Rarity. He wanted to show that manipulative whore that he'd no longer be bending over backwards for HER while she refused to bend over FORWARDS for HIM in return. About time that self-obsessed, materialistic cunt learned the error of her ways. It would also make him feel better for being a pussy-whipped little douchebag as well.

He knew exactly how he'd begin. This was going to be fun.

''Hey, Sweetie Belle.''

''Oh! Applebloom! Scootaloo! I'm so glad you're here!'' exclaimed the jumped-up little future pornstar (go clean the jizz off your pants, sick fuck).

''So what's this new thing you wanted to show us?'' asked Scootaloo. ''Another awesome new way to find our special talents?''

''Hey, you three.'' said a fourth voice from the front door.

''Oh, hey Spike. We weren't expecting you. Isn't it rude to enter without knocking?''

''Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do with my time and I thought I'd share some ideas on how you could get your cutie marks.''

The three fillies looked at each other, unanimously showing great enthusiasm.
''You got any ideas?'' inquired Applebloom.

''Yeah, there's this ritual or something that you gotta go through. It yields some sort of gay ass element of faggotry or whatever that shows you what your talent is.''

Like true jumped-up, douchebag little kids, all three of them bounced around in excitement.

''Show us!'' demanded Scootaloo.

''We wanna know!'' shouted Applebloom.

''Please tell us!'' pleaded Sweetie Belle.

Feeling himself get hard like a true dirty horsefucker pedofork, while fully aware of the fact that some 30 year old basement dweller was probably reading this and jacking it, Spike prepared himself for the fun he was about to have.

''First thing. See this?'' began Spike, revealing his erecting dick.

''Wow, I never seen THAT before!'' Applebloom commented with curiosity.

''What does it do?'' asked Sweetie Belle.

''It'll help you earn your cutie marks.'' answered Spike, unable to suppress his creepy, disgustingly perverted grin.
Thankfully they were only kids, not even teenagers, so they didn't notice. (Hint, hint, you dirty fucker).

''How''? they asked with a mix of curiosity and anticipation.

''First you gotta rub it with your hooves and take turns sucking on it until it gets really stiff'', explained the dirty fucking pervert (if you're still here, you have something seriously wrong with you).

''Sounds good to me'' said Scootaloo.

''Wanna give it a try?'' asked Applebloom.

''Sure! Let's try it!'' exclaimed Sweetie Belle, all the sluttishness of her expensive whore sister coming out.

Spike grinned. He hoped the other targets would offer him this much fun after he was finished with these three and Rarity.

(Insert disgusting, creepy scene about Spike having a bestiality gangbang with three underage girls).

Having finally finished up, Spike admired his work; all three of them were now lying on the ground, still looking at him with innocent eyes (for fuck's sake, you dirty bastard) and cum all over their faces.

''WHAT in EQUESTRIA?!'' a voice suddenly rang out.

''Oh, hey Rarity!'' greeted Sweetie Belle, rushing up to greet her sister, cum still dripping down from her face. ''Spike was just showing us how to get our cutie marks''.

''GET AWAY FROM ME!'' the ugly horse screamed, just avoiding getting cum in her hair. ''SPIKE! Would you CARE to explain yourself, before I jump to any beastly conclusions?!''

''Hey, calm down. I was just saving you the effort of teaching them the 'family business''', retorted Spike, grinning.

''Just WHAT are you implying?'' pushed the fashionista, clearly offended (oh noes).

''What, you think she's so naive that she'd honestly believe you got all the money to start your business from hard work? Your family are all filthy Mexicans.''

''I don't get it. What's going on?'' asked Scootaloo, a drop of splooge running down her chin.

''Never you mind!'' answered Rarity, struggling to compose herself. ''Go wash yourselves off!''

''But-''

''Shoo!''

After the three underage rape victims had left, the fashionista prepared to address the dragon.

''How DARE you suggest such a thing! I have struggled through with generosity and hard work, to gain my reputation with my clients and you think you can-''

''Oh, okay then. Yeah, whatever keeps you sleeping at night''. interrupted Spike.

''I beg your pardon?''

''I fucking hate you stupid hypocrite skanks who go around pretending to be all sophisticated and generous, when we all know you wouldn't give two shits if you didn't get this reputation and shameless self-importance out of it. You should all be stoned to death.'' explained Spike.

Rarity looked at a loss for words.

''I'm sure your sexually-bored upper-class clients enjoyed adultery with you, though. They pay extra if you gag and swallow?''

Looking murderous, Rarity prepared to levitate a table full of sewing equipment at Spike. Obviously, Spike ran. What did you think he was going to do? You need me to tell you he's going to do something other than stand around like a retard?

Finally managing to get a safe distance from the uppity fashion pony, the next thing Spike knew, he was at a town assembly. Most of Ponyville seemed to be there. From amongst the cheers and noise, Spike heard a particularly self-obsessed typical female politician speaking out to the crowd. Time for a little upheaval, he thought to himself.

''Well, I think this about wraps up this little town meeting. I'm sure we can all agree that we can cooperate and keep this town prospering! Keep up the good work, everypony! (I'm never using that stupid fucking terminology again, by the way)''

''Boo!'' yelled Spike, from the crowd. ''Another corrupt heathen ruining our society! Death to the mayor!''

''What? Who said that?'' There was sudden confusion in the crowd.

''Is there a PROBLEM here?'' responded the mayor, indignantly.

''Where's our DEMOCRACY?'' yelled Spike. ''Support the Unions!''

''Ugh''. The mayor sighed. ''I told you, we're perfectly capable of cooperating TOGETHER. We don't need any unions or associations, thank you''.

''Dirty fucking cunt! Making us all into puppets! Bending over for your filthy tyrant infidel queen!''

''Who's saying these things? Come forward''.

Finally locating the source of the confusion, the crowd parted to reveal Spike.

''Explain yourself at once!'' demanded the mayor.

''Hey, it's not my fault you're such a joke of a politician. Why don't you just quit office and hang yourself already, bitch?''

At this, there was chaos stirring in the crowd. Apparently, this deluded community of fucktards was so dependent on their familiar political figure, they couldn't accept any criticism.

''How dare you address our mayor like that! Show some respect! We're in this together and we can't have you causing trouble like this!'' spoke out one stallion, addressing the drake.

''Man, you gotta stop forgetting your lance, Sir Fagalot. How will you protect all the peasants and wimmins from the nasty dragon?''

Deciding it best to leave, Spike ran towards the farm on the hill, where he might lose himself amongst the trees. Also, the group of white knights now chasing him with pitchforks and shit.

Arriving at Sweet Apple Acres, Spike decided it was a fitting time to work on his next victim. Seeing Applejack working the fields like a filthy darky, he rushed up to her to beging his work.

''Hey! Applejack!'' he greeted.

''Oh'' reacted Applejack, turning around. ''Howdy there, Spike. What can I do yer for?''

''Just wanted to bring you the bad news myself'' responded Spike.

''What's that 'bout bad news?'' Applejack tilted her head.

''Yeah, I had sex with Applebloom earlier this morning. Fucked her well and good. Got her first taste of spunk as well. Just so you know, you might have to work a little harder on convincing her to remain an inbred mutant like the rest of you, now. Dirty little whore loved it. Felt really good on my dick too.''

''WHAT?'' reacted Applejack, when this had sunk in. ''Why, ya dirty little-''

(Later on at the Library; couldn't be assed writing any more content, so fuck you).

Twilight groaned. She was already behind on her studies; she couldn't really afford to give time to visitors. Walking to the door to respond to the knocking, she was surprised to find an angry-looking Applejack with Spike tied up in her rope.

(Meanwhile at Canterlot Castle)

Princess Celestia had just finished reading her latest piece of correspondence:

Dear cuntbag matriarch,

I hope you die in a fire. You're an ugly old hag who needs to maintain total control over everything at your subjects' expense because it makes you feel better about the fact that you make out with that crown thing of yours since every stallion with sanity would rather cut his dick off than stick it inside of you. Way to run a country, tyrant.
Seriously just kill yourself already. Luna's more popular than you anyway.

Thanks for listening and fuck you,
Spike

Offended (nobody cares), the Princess called out to her guards: ''Prepare my carriage for travel! We make for Ponyville at once!''

''Yes, your highness!''

Re-reading the letter, Princess Celestia mumbled to herself: ''I'm gonna shove my dildo- I mean crown- SO far up that little prick's ass!''.

The End. Now fuck off already.

Author's Note

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