The Friendship Express came to a complete stop, letting off a hiss of steam from its engine and wheels. Several ponies ran along the station platform and through the white steam, opening boxcar doors and allowing the passengers inside to finally exit the train after their long travels. One pony, dressed in a stylish grey and white jacket and wearing a pair of purple tinted glasses, stepped off of the train, and gave an exaggerated swipe of his hoof against his brow.
“My word, these steam trains are so old fashioned,” Hoity Toity said to a line of ponies filing out behind him. “The smoke alone has turned my mane and coat into a garish wasteland of soot. I might as well be shovelling the coal for all the good sitting in the first class seats did me. I must report to the Equestrian Railroad Association on the fabulous bullet trains that Neighpon has. Now there is speed and class.”
Hoity Toity clapped his front hooves together. Immediately, the half dozen ponies behind him sprang into action and surrounded him, each carrying a cleaning implement such as filers, shampoo, hair spray, or lint rollers. In a whirlwind of movement too fast for the eye to see, the ponies clipped, shampooed, sprayed, and tailored. Seconds later they were done and zipped back to their previous positions. Hoity Toity stood tall, his entire form completely cleaned and groomed to perfection. His body gleamed in the midday sun.
“Now then, this place better have new designs to offer or this will be a complete waste of valuable time,” he said. He tilted his head towards his attendants. “Find me beauty.” Receiving their orders, he and the others trotted away from the train station and towards the sparkling entrance of the Crystal Empire.
Walking through the streets that comprised the outer town of the Crystal Empire, Hoity Toity could certainly see that the kingdom lived up to its name. The houses and streets, composed entirely of glittering quartz, amethyst, diamonds, and other precious stones, sparkled in the daylight sun and yet their brilliance didn’t strain the eyes. The crystal ponies going about their daily lives seemed to be made of a translucent material, though thankfully none of their vital organs could be seen. Even the food appeared crystallized, yet as Hoity Toity bit through a dazzling corn on the cob, it was as smooth and chewy as one would expect it to be.
“Truly a fantastic specimen,” Hoity Toity said as he finished off the corn and dumped the cob in a nearby trash bin. “And I dare say better than the sweet corn of Horsechester.”
But as culturally stimulating as the environment surrounding him was, not a single pony had passed him by wearing an outfit. With all the large scale and flashy buildings, one would think that a few frocks would be necessary to stand out in such a city. Hoity Toity intended to inquire about the local boutiques post-haste.
His eyes scanned the street he was on, determined to pick out a pony that looked like they might know a thing or two about the local fashion circuit. He blinked as his gaze fell over an individual that definitely stood out from the rest, but not because of what he was wearing. Indeed, all that this particular stallion wore was a red baseball cap and a whistle hanging by a cord around his neck. That this pony’s coat didn’t gleam like the rest of the citizens further marked him as a fellow out of place. Hoity Toity tracked his movements as the stallion headed towards a building with jerseys, footballs, and protective pads displayed in its windows. Gathering himself up, Hoity Toity rushed ahead and intercepted the stallion before he could enter the store.
“My good sir, a moment of your time, if you please.”
The stallion pulled back and regarded the newcomer with a confused stare. “Uh, sure. What can I do for ya?”
“You are Shining Armor, prince of this fine land, are you not?”
Shining Armor smiled and stood tall. “Ah, yeah, that’s me.”
“And yet you are prancing around looking like that?” Hoity Toity shook his head and tsked. “Dreadful, my lad.”
That wiped the smile off of Shining Armor’s face. He self-consciously looked down at himself, trying to see what Hoity Toity found so appalling. “I… really don’t know what you mean. I didn’t step in anything, did I?”
Hoity Toity flipped the hat resting on Shining Armor’s head and flicked the whistle hanging from his neck. “These, prince. What were you thinking?”
“Oh, these,” Shining Armor said and gave a good natured chuckle. “I’m getting the ponies here ready for the Equestrian Games. They have a lot of spirit, but that won’t be enough if they want to have a chance at winning.”
“Yes, yes, all fine and good,” Hoity Toity said, waving his hoof airily in front of him. “But that doesn’t excuse you walking among your subjects looking like a common track coach. You’re a prince, for goodness sake!”
Shining Armor narrowed his eyes and stared down the stallion opposite him. “Hey, now, there’s no need for that. Just who are you to judge how I go about my business?”
“Ah, my apologies. Hoity Toity, Equestria’s leading fashion expert, at your service.” He pointed at the fan on his rear as though it was the only form of identification that he needed. “And it would be against the cutie mark that adorns my flank to see you misrepresent yourself and your subjects this way.”
“My subjects? You mean the crystal ponies? I’m not sure I follow.”
“It is quite simple, my dear lad. You are a prince now. Anything you do, be it what you wear or how you conduct yourself, reflects upon the citizens of this land. And right now, you are screaming to the heavens that you don’t care how you are seen. It doesn’t put much confidence in me that you know how to run this country, not at all.”
Shining Armor swallowed a lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. He looked around him, at all the ponies now under his control, and rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. “Um… well, I didn't mean to come across like that. I mean… I’m still new to this princey thing—”
“Which is fortunate for you that I deigned to come here in the first place,” Hoity Toity cut in. He wrapped a leg around Shining Armor’s broad shoulders and gave him a confident smirk. “But don’t worry, I’ll have you looking the part before you can say ‘apple fritter’.”
“B-But I have practice to get to…” Shining Armor stuttered. Any further objections were ignored as Hoity Toity dragged him away from the sporting goods store and towards the castle.
“All in good time,” Hoity Toity said as he pulled a reluctant Shining Armor along. “Yes, all in good time. But first, a little detour is in order, if I do say.”
“No, that won’t work. Too flashy.”
A set of clothes with sparkling gems sailed through the air.
“Not flashy enough.”
A black tux followed the first.
“Too many additions with this one.”
A sports jacket with several sets of pockets joined the others.
“By Celestia, who designed this?”
Across the room, Shining Armor watched with growing unease as Hoity Toity tossed one outfit after another onto a growing pile of clothes on the floor. All his best attire, ensembles that had been stitched by the finest seamsters in Canterlot, were being judged as unacceptable by Hoity Toity’s critical eye.
Finally, Hoity Toity threw up his hooves and stomped out of the closet. “That wardrobe should be condemned. Not a single piece of attire to match the grandeur that you deserve, Shining Armor.”
“Well, I’ve never been much for fashion,” Shining Armor said with a touch of embarrassment.
Hoity Toity lowered his glasses to cast a harsh glare at the pile in the center of the room. “That much I could already tell…”
“I guess then there’s not much you can do.” With a sigh, Shining Armor began picking up his discarded clothes with his magic and began placing them back in the closet.
He was only on his second article of clothing when Hoity Toity smacked the cloth away and stood with an air of a having been offended. “Lad, you have no idea who you’re dealing with. I swear, as Celestia as my witness, that I will design a suit for you that will outshine the very crystals that make up this land. Nothing short of perfection will do to display yourself as the pinnacle of princehood in all of Equestria.”
“You really don’t have to go to this much trouble…”
“Oh, but I do. I stake my very reputation on this. How could I look away when I see an icon of this kingdom going about with nary a concern for his looks? A handsome stallion like you should take some pride. There certainly aren’t many of your kind around, I’m afraid.”
“I… um… wha-what?” Shining Armor stammered. “What do you mean by that?”
“Easy there, lad. You’re going to faint with all that blood rushing to your cheeks like that.”
Shining Armor blushed harder and turned away.
“But I meant what I said. Come, we’ll away to the finest clothing store this town has to offer, and I’ll personally see to it that you get fitted for an ensemble fit for a king. And certainly for a prince!” Hoity Toity grabbed Shining Armor’s left foreleg and pulled him towards the door. The prince sighed and allowed himself to be dragged away.
The two stallions soon found themselves within Madam Ruby’s Aggregate Tailoring, a building with a giant spool of thread above its entrance. Inside, the store contained thousands of rolls of fabric of every color imaginable, all laid out on rows of shelves. Needles of various sizes and the latest line of Spindle sewing machines covered the tables. Hoity Toity wasted no time sorting through the available wares. It quickly became apparent that the fashion expert was in his element as he sorted out all the highest quality (and the most expensive) material and arranged them in a workspace set aside for professional use. And in Hoity Toity’s highly regarded opinion, he was a professional with a capital P.
“Now then, before I can get started on your transcending attire, I’ll need to get some measurements.”
“Measurements?” Shining Armor asked, nervously eyeing the tape measure that Hoity Toity picked up in his hooves.
“Yes. Now hold still. I want to be sure that I get everything right.”
“Ahhhhh, why don’t we ask one of the ladies here to do it?”
Hoity Toity waved off Shining Armor’s suggestion and held the tape measure taut between his hooves. “No, that won’t do at all. This job needs my personal touch.” Not waiting for Shining Armor’s reply, Hoity Toity descended on the hapless stallion.
“Hmm, yes, that’s it. Ooooohhhhh, very impressive. Here too. My, for a unicorn, you have such broad withers.”
Despite himself, Shining Armor perked up at that last remark and stood a little taller. “Well, even though I’m a prince now, I haven’t slacked off on my training. I can’t let all those years in the guard go to waste now, can I?”
“Indeed, you can’t,” Hoity Toity said in an appreciative manner. “I can’t wait to see you fill out the outfit I have planned. Marvelous…”
“It… won’t be too… ah… saucy, will it?”
“That all depends on the eye of the beholder. Any mare, and dare I say even a few colts, will be turning their heads for a second look once I’m through with you.”
Shining Armor gulped. He’d been doing that a lot today.
“Almost there… and done!” Hoity Toity raised a hoof in triumph. Shining Armor chuckled and held up a hoof, but the other stallion had already turned away, leaving the prince’s hoof un-bumped. “Now do be patient. This won’t be long. Never doubt an earth pony when it comes to working with his hooves and teeth.”
“Oh, believe me,” Shining Armor said, taking a seat on one of the plush cushions available within their working space. “We unicorns think we have an advantage with our horns, but I can still feel the bruises I got from sparring with earth pony guards. They’re tenacious where it counts.”
“Love to hear about it, but I must concentrate here.” Hoity Toity looked up from his work and tapped a hoof to his chin. “In fact, why don’t you head back to your practice. By the time you’re done, I should be finished here. Let’s meet up at that Hard Quartz Café I saw earlier in, say, two hours? I will then present you with your new ensemble!”
Shining Armor got up from his seat and stretched out his legs. “Sounds good. I need to make sure none of my team is slacking off.” He headed towards the exit, stopped, and turned back around. “And… Hoity Toity? Thanks for this.” He left before the fashionister could form a reply.
Three hours later, Hoity Toity sat at a table in the Hard Quartz Café, nursing a glass of wine and listening to the soft rock band playing on a nearby stage. On the table lay a box made of polished zirconium with a red ribbon tied around it. Every few minutes, Hoity Toity would look up, scan the crowd of ponies dining around him, then turn back and take a sip of his drink. The music was pleasant and the wine adequate, but if he had to wait any longer, then so help the crown prince of the Crystal Empire.
“Perhaps he got hung up,” Hoity Toity said to himself. “He is a very important dignitary, after all. I should know. Ponies to meet, schedules to keep, unexpected plumbing issues. So many possibilities.” He sighed and ran a hoof over the box. “Or perhaps I came across a little too strong. I do tend to go a little overboard when I get struck with inspiration.”
Hoity Toity took off his glasses and laid them on the table. He rubbed his eyes with his hooves and sighed again. “I hope I wasn’t uncomfortable to be around. A leader in fashion and a prince hardly mix well together, I suppose. Well, I still have a suit to deliver, so I’d better mosey off and deliver it at the castle.” He reached for his glass and downed the rest of his wine in one gulp. Just as he was about to put his glasses back on, he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye.
The stallion that had been occupying Hoity Toity’s thoughts for the past few hours ran up to his table, his body heaving for breath and his coat covered in a fine sheen of sweat. “Sorry… for… taking… so long… to get… here,” Shining Armor said in between gasps.
Hoity Toity smiled at the new arrival, even as he cringed on the inside at being so close to somepony else's odorous perspiration. “No sweat, pun not intended. In fact, I was just about to order for the both of us. I was looking over the menu and picked out an entrée that I am just dying to try. Care to join me?”
Shining Armor gave a grateful nod and took a spot opposite Hoity Toity. He let out a heavy sigh as his rump melted into the seat cushion. “Yeah, really sorry for holding you up. You would not believe how much catching up I had to do to get here.”
“Oh, my apologies. I did not mean to pull you away from your duties. Fear not! I’ll reschedule for another—”
“No!” Shining Armor interrupted, both of his forelegs held out in a stopping motion. He blinked, looked at his hooves, and quickly placed them back down. “I-I mean, no. This is good. Really.”
“Very well,” Hoity Toity said, his mouth stretching into a grin. “Then let’s not waste anymore time. Waitress!”
Within minutes, both ponies ordered and received their meals and dug into them with gusto. Steaming mashed potatoes covered in thick dollops of sour cream with sides of corn and beans comprised their dishes. The meals also came with a generous helping of mint ice cream served in a crystal cup.
It was soon apparent, however, that while the presentation was good, the food itself was below expectations.
“Kinda bland for such a showy place,” Shining Armor said. “The cooks at Canterlot at least know how to put some kick into what they make.” He picked at his food with a fork, his appetite slowly losing its edge.
Hoity Toity daintily wiped his mouth with a napkin before speaking. “Yes, that’s generally how places like these go. It’s more for the atmosphere than the food.
“But, that means we can get to my gift for you that much quicker!” Hoity Toity lifted the box that had been set aside and held it out for Shining Armor. “For you. I hope it lives up to expectations.”
The box became surrounded in a soft pink glow, Shining Armor taking the offered box gently in his magic. “I can’t see how it can’t. I mean, the most famous fashion star in all of Equestria made it.”
“You flatter me.” Hoity Toity made a shooing motion with his hooves and said, “Now, go on. I’d like to see how strapping you look when it’s on. A designer’s job is not done until the pony himself wears it for the first time.”
“Oh, really? Then I’d better find a spot to put this on.” With that, Shining Armor got up and walked towards the restrooms, the box levitating in front of him.
For Hoity Toity, the wait was excruciating. Many times he resisted the urge to gnaw on his hooficured hooves and contented himself with imagining how Shining Armor would look in his new duds once he walked out. Would he like it? Even though the prince seemed confident that he would, Hoity Toity found himself more anxious than he’d felt in a long time about what a pony would think of his latest creation.
His ruminations came to a stop when the sound of feedback from a microphone filled the room. Ponies everywhere cringed and held their hooves to their ears in a futile attempt to block out the piercing wail.
“Sorry.”
Hoity Toity’s head snapped up to the stage. There, standing a little awkwardly and adjusting the center microphone was Shining Armor. The stallion looked uncomfortable with all the new attention on him, but nonetheless stayed put. Shining Armor finished fiddling with the microphone, stood tall, and said, “This one goes out to that special pony that went above and beyond anything I could have expected. Thanks for making me feel special and showing me a little bit on how this prince thing works.”
The band began to play, an upbeat rock tune with elements of west coast influences mixed in. Soon after, Shining Armor began to sing. His voice carried a youthful baritone, not too deep and yet not too high, hitting that middle ground that drove the mares in the audience wild and even the stallions to tap along. Shining Armor sang of sandy beaches, surfing waves, and dance parties at night. Before long, the entire room was jibing along with the beat and having a grand old time.
It was all background noise to Hoity Toity. His eyes remained glued to Shining Armor. For while everypony else was enjoying the music, Hoity Toity was taking all pleasure from what the singing stallion wore.
The outfit was colored a bright red, contrasting nicely with Shining Armor’s white coat. Gold buttons held the vest together in the front and ruffled white frills lined the collar and cuffs. Outlined in gold thread on either side of the vest was Shining Armor’s cutie mark, standing out but not dominating the rest of the vest. Taken as a whole, each element blended together seamlessly, neither feature overpowering the other. And with the way Shining Armor moved while he sang, the vest fit him perfectly.
He looked just like the prince he was.
Hoity Toity felt his eyes growing moist. Up there, displaying his creation with happiness and contentment, Shining Armor shone with more luster than any crystal found within the kingdom. It was the most wonderful sight he had seen in a long time.
The music from the band came to a crescendo, with Shining Armor hitting his last note perfectly. The audience stomped their hooves in appreciation, with even a few whistles filling the air. Shining Armor smiled, bowed, and stepped down from the stage. He headed over to where Hoity Toity sat and took his seat opposite him. A few moments passed with neither saying a word. Finally, Shining Armor cleared his throat and said, “Thanks for the suit.”
At the remark, Hoity Toity came alive. “No, thank you! You don’t know what it means for a creator like myself to see a pony wear his creation. Like that, in front of everypony! It’s the best compliment I could ever receive.”
“You’re welcome,” Shining Armor said, a little heat rising to his cheeks.
“As long as you are pleased with it, then I am satisfied.”
“Oh, yes, I really am! I can’t wait to see what everypony at the castle thinks of it.”
Hoity Toity nodded, the smile on his face remaining firmly in place. “Then if we’re done here, let’s not waste time.”
Shining Armor gave his own nod, stood up, and offered his hoof for Hoity Toity to take. “I totally agree. Let’s go!”
Night had fallen over the Crystal Empire. The lights of the city flickered on, causing the crystal buildings and streets to shine in a kaleidoscope of colorful beams. As he walked down the road leading to the palace, Hoity Toity took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the city laid out before him. Canterlot had a grand air and design around it, but the Crystal Empire promised truly astounding things for its citizens.
“You have a beautiful city, lad,” Hoity Toity said to his companion walking beside him. “You must be proud with being able to lead such a fine land.”
“I am,” Shining Armor answered. He too looked around and beheld the kingdom he was responsible for. “I never imagined I would ever end up where I am. I hope I can live up to expectations.”
“I wouldn’t fret about it. I’m sure you will.”
“Thanks, Hoity—”
“Toity!”
Both stallions came to an abrupt halt as a young colt ran in front of them. The colt paused to catch his breath and looked up at Hoity Toity with desperate eyes. “You need to come back to Canterlot quickly. There’s an emergency!”
Hoity Toity quirked an eyebrow and said, “What is the matter? You act as though Cerberus himself were chasing you.”
“I-I-It’s a disaster! The shipment for the Fall line has been voted down by the board. They are demanding new designs by the end of the week!”
Hoity Toity’s hoof smacked against his forehead. “Oi. Why now?”
“I guess this means that we’ll have to cancel our trip to the castle?” Shining Armor said.
“Yes, I’m afraid it does. Sorry for this, Shining Armor. If I don’t deal with this now, it will lead to a severe dip in my business.” He sighed, took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. He felt a hoof on his shoulder and looked up to see an understanding look being sent his way.
“You don’t have to explain,” Shining Armor said. “I know how it goes.” He smiled and patted Hoity Toity on the back. “But, I have several trips to Canterlot scheduled. We can always meet up again there.”
Hoity Toity smiled and placed his glasses back on. “You’re right. And they always say distance makes the heart grow fonder.” With a flick of his hoof, a card slipped out of Hoity Toity’s sleeve. He hoofed it to Shining Armor. “That’s my home address. Look me up and we’ll make another date of it.” He held up his hoof, frog facing forward.
Shining Armor blinked at the offer. A smile graced his features and he eagerly pumped the hoof offered, a soft clop echoing in the night.
“Ciao!” With that, Hoity Toity trotted off towards the train station, his assistant scrambling behind.
Shining Armor watched him go, before looking down at the card and heaving a sigh. He placed it within his new vest and made his way to the castle. He had only taken a few steps when he stopped with a wide-eyed expression.
“Date?!”
