The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
They are taking on evil, come what may,
They are fighting all crime to save the day!
They're extremely close in an ambiguous way!
They're ambiguously gay,
They're ambiguously gay,
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
Tonight's Episode: Parting Evil's Curtains!
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We find our heroes having a relaxing day off at Pinkie Pie's home, a day off that they have definitely earned, thanks to their heroics! But it can't last forever, not when there's trouble brewing! Let us join them...
"Yow! Careful of my curls, Dashie!"
"Sorry 'bout that, Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were in the middle of a grooming session in Pinkie's upstairs room at Sugarcube Corner. Dash was laying down, holding a brush up to Pinkie's tail and straightening it out from the base. At the same time, her sidekick stood over her and leaned her head down to brush Dash's rainbow-colored tail nice and straight all down its length as well. It was an effecient way to get all those tangles out of both of their tails at the same time.
Suddenly, the sound of a high-pitched siren-like buzzing filled the room! Dash and Pinkie looked over at the flashing red button on the floor next to them.
"The alarm! Somepony's in trouble, Dashie!"
"I hear ya!" Dash slammed on the button without getting up. As it was pressed, a large screen slid out of the ceiling, stopping and flickering on. The image of a panicky Mayor Mare was seen.
"Help! City Hall is being overrun! We need your--" The mayor stopped for a moment. She was clearly taken aback by the sight of Dash and Pinkie's mutual tail-brushing position. "...Uhm." They stared back at her, unsure why she stopped.
"What is it, mayor, The Dolphin trespassing private areas again!?" Pinkie shouted out, trying to get her to speak again.
"...N-no, it's worse! It's Bl-- Agh!" Suddenly, Mayor Mare was tackled by a shadowy figure onscreen! The video feed cut off, leaving only static.
"That fiend! Mayor Mare's being constricted by the walls of darkness! C'mon, Pinkie, let's hurry and suit up!" They nodded at each other and ran into the closet together. After a bunch of clothes were tossed all over the floor outside, they emerged in their superhero suits. Tight purple spandex body-suit and mask, yellow latex socks and panties on the outside as with any superhero; and finally, a D on Dash's chest, a P on Pinkie's. They were... The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
"Quick, Pinkie! To the UnicHorn!"
"You got it, Dashie!"
Dash pressed a button on the side of the wall which opened up a circular hole. Jumping in, the two slid down the chute into a secret underground lair: The Pink Cave, built by the one and only Pinkie Pie! It was always very finely decorated with balloons and streamers all over, thanks to the party maniac.
But they weren't here to have a party. They ran over to the UnicHorn, their signature vehicle. It was in the shape of a unicorn's horn, painted purple, and on the sides, two smaller wheels connected by long, curved poles supported its motion. Dash was always proud of her vehicle's design.
The duo dived towards the wide end of the horn, a metallic door sliding open to reveal two large pink flaps for additional protection. They squeezed between them and quickly got into their seats up front, starting up the magical engine and looking out the windshield.
"Let's go find that evildoer!" The two said in unison with a sishoof. The UnicHorn revved up on command, bursting off with speed down the underground tunnel.
Outside, ponies were running around frantically in a panic, coming from the direction of City Hall. The ground suddenly opened up like a metal door and the UnicHorn zoomed out, sailing through the air off the inside ramp! Many ponies nearby cheered at the sight; everypony knew of the heroics of the Ambiguously Gay Duo! It landed roughly on the ground and peeled out towards the epicenter of the chaos.
"You'll never get away with this! Dash and Pinkie will stop y-- mmf!" Mayor Mare's muzzle was duct taped closed by the shadowy figure from before, adding to her rope bondage on the chair. A mare's voice came from the unknown offender.
"Ha! You think they can stop me again!? Nopony can truly defeat the likes of..." She stepped out of the shadows and revealed herself, flaring her wings. "Blood Moon!!" Blood Moon had a black body-suit that covered her face and a spiky violet red mane and tail. There were also holes cut in her suit to show off her cutie mark: A blood-dripping white moon. She wore a very insidious-looking black cape, definitely giving the impression that she wasn't one to be trifled with! Turning away from the mayor, she directed her stallion henchmen.
"Now then, hurry up, lackeys! If anypony is going to enjoy the Summer Sun feast, it'll be Blood Moon!" The villain rose a hoof up victoriously to savor the moment, then turned back towards the hapless leader. "No thanks to miss mayor here, I'll have to deal with those two fruits myself..." She walked out of the building, leaving a disgruntled mayor to her fate of watching all the prepared food be stolen!
The UnicHorn skidded to a halt just before reaching City Hall. The two heroes jumped out of the vehicle and scanned the area.
"Hmm... It's quiet... Too quiet." Dash spoke of the imminent danger truthfully; nopony was around at all, giving the windy and cloudy place an uncomfortable, foreboding silence. The only thing around were the trees and the bushes.
"Let's go save the mayor, Dashie!" Pinkie started to gallop towards the entrance of the building.
"Wait, Pinkie!" Dash held out a hoof to motion her to stop, but it was too late; a mechanical arm came out of one of the giant bushes and grabbed at Pinkie! Luckily, she managed to dodge it and its swings as she ran back to her partner, looking back at the menace. The giant bush stood up on three bendy mechanical arms, showing two on its sides, ready to attack. It moved to block the entrance to City Hall. A black pony came out of the top, hooves folded...
"Blood Moon!" The heroes shouted together. She merely laughed away at their acknowledging her appearance.
"Dash, Pinkie, how nice of you to join me at last! How long has it been? A month at least?"
"Not long enough!" Dash shouted back up at her.
"When it comes to Blood Moon, we ought to be worried if she doesn't show up within a month, Dashie!" Pinkie was right; that evildoer was always attacking Ponyville.
"Silence! You two have met your match this time!" A hatch in the center of the bush machine opened up. Suddenly, it started shooting pony-sized red mechanical robots onto the ground to chase after the two!
"Crablings!! What do we do, Dashie? There's a ton of them!" They started fighting them to no avail; they simply got back up on their legs each time they were flipped, and their shells were very hard to crack. After a minute, Dash realized something.
"Aha! The new UnicHorn feature we installed!" Pinkie gasped in response, having forgotten, herself. The duo dashed back into the vehicle, the crabs hot on their tails. Blood Moon watched with curiosity; what could they be up to?
"Let's see how you deal with this!" Dash came from between the vehicle's flaps brandishing a tube with both forelegs wrapped around it. Pinkie emerged a moment later with her mouth around a white handle suspended by a string; she had to wait until they got closer, which they quickly did.
"Did somepony order..." The sidekick yanked hard on the trigger. "Tartar sauce?" The tube began gushing out torrents of the red condiment from inside, flooding all over the helpless crab machines! Visibly, they began to slow down and stop, their insides shorting out from the thick solution. Dash tossed aside the tube, giving her sidekick a victorious sishoof.
"Give it up, Blood Moon! It doesn't matter what you build, we'll stop you!" The villain looked down with anger, thinking to herself. 'It took me forever to figure out how to make them waterproof! How could they have possibly known to use tartar sauce!?'
"Urgh!! Fine, how about something I didn't build, then? Come, minions!" She called out towards City Hall, and the doors burst open. Dozens of armored stallions poured out of the opening, holding all sorts of bladed weapons.
"I wonder how you can handle the Highmen of Thor?" Blood Moon smiled deviously; those soldiers were among the strongest of the land of Equestria! "Charge!!" She extended a hoof and the huge crowd of ponies began galloping towards the heroes, ready to attack!
"This looks tough, Dashie! How are we gonna break through that wall of highmen??" Pinkie looked a little worried, but Dash was a quick thinker.
"We'll give them... The Driller!"
"Oh, gotcha! Ready when you are, Dashie!" Blood Moon bit her lip and stretched out her wings as if ready to fly as she watched what they did next; there was an odd look on her face.
The two heroes jumped towards each other, hind legs pointing forward; they then fit their spandexed bodies together in that fashion, like two letter Vs coming together! Dash kept them upright in the air, gripping Pinkie's hind leg which clung along the length of her front; her own hind legs did the same to her sidekick, whose forelegs were extended out to a point, much like a drill.
"Their defenses are paper-thin! We'll cut through them like scissors, Pinkie!"
"Let's rock, Dashie!"
Dash started to twirl herself and thus her partner in midair, the ability to do so thanks to her mastery of flight. They spun faster and faster, until they really looked like a drill! Suddenly, they sped towards the large group of highmen, penetrating through and easily spreading apart their formation! Dash went upward and turned around, ready for another pass. The duo knocked out more and more of them with their intense special move, Pinkie's hooves knocking away their weapons. Some of them started running away from the hopeless situation.
Eventually, the duo stopped, landing on the ground and recovering from extreme dizziness. They staggered around for a moment, noticing that the highmen left were completely spread out everywhere, injured and nursing their bruises. The two smiled at each other and then looked over at the bush machine; it was on the ground, inactive. Blood Moon was gone! They looked around frantically to try and find her. Spotting her in the distant sky, flying away, she seemed to have fled without saying another word.
"Curses! She got away again!" Dash shook a hoof in defiance, a look of frustration on her.
"We'll get her next time, Dashie!" Pinkie piped up with confidence, which cheered her partner up.
"Right, she'll be back in at least a month, I know it! And we'll be there to stop her, 'cause we're..." The two struck a pose and clopped their hooves in the air, side-by-side.
"The Ambiguously Gay Duo!"
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A filly with a violet red mane laid on her back on the couch with an expression of clear discomfort and worry. She seemed to be quite embarrassed.
"I'm not sure, dear. Perhaps it's just your idolization of those two ponies turning them into superheroes. The dreams don't necessarily mean that you're-- well, gay." The therapist stifled a giggle at hearing about the ridiculous dream, and the orange filly looked back at her rather annoyed.
"It's not a big deal, Scootaloo. Everypony goes through the same thing... It's all part of growing up."
THE END!
