The Naked Gun 42.5: The Trotteningby Ocean HeartChaptersThe Disappering ActThe DealA New LeadTime for ActionChapter 4The Disappering ActFrank Drebin woke up slowly; rubbing his eyes and putting aside his bedtime bear, he sat up only to bump his head into the chambers lid. Frank's eyes shot open, looking around at his prison, the dark dank chamber no bigger than a coffin and the occasional jolting shake told him that the chamber was moving. Frank felt his head bump against the walls when the truck transporting him hit a pothole, cursing the shotty construction work. "Blast! I knew that darn lobster was too good. When I get my hands on-" Another pothole bumped his head into the wall again. The detective rubbed his head just before the truck ran over another pothole...and another...running over a construction barrel, a neon vested worker, lastly turning a corner and clipping an occupied port-a-jon; Frank groaned in delirious pain. "Stop. This. Truck!" The truck came to an abrupt stop, Frank slid up in the chamber and knocked his head. Groaning again eyes a little cross eyed from the concussions. Frank snapped back into high alert when he heard the truck door open; creaking and cold air seeping into the chamber. A heavy yank pulled the chamber out of the truck and he was carried by a team for some distance until he heard sounds of a crowd... "You better open this door or i'll-!" The curtain flew off the glass chamber, the stage lights blinded Frank for a moment but when his vision returned he saw the slime that got him into this mess... "Richard Alexander..." The man in the magician suit glared at the detective... "What? You still don't like having two first names? How about you let me out so I can formally apologize then scum bag..." The magician took a deep breath and faced the crowd, sparklers going off and women barely dressed walked the stage. Frank began to pinpoint faces out of the crowd and matched them to wanted profiles of Police Squads most wanted so that meant....this was a public execution... "Now ladies and gentleman! As I make the Police Squads greatest detective and all our problems...Disappear!" The crowd laughed, Frank noticed the floor was loose and he guessed a painful drop awaited him when the cover was put back on, the fake magician milked the crowd; playing his games and poking Frank to humiliate him. Soon enough Frank saw the red velvet cover come back and he resorted to desperation, banging and hollering out as many insults as he could and just as the cover put him back into darkness he saw the wall in the back cave in with red and blue lights beaming though the dust. It was too late...the floor dropped away and Franks vision went white... _ _ Spike ran around the library frantically, gathering as many books as his tiny dragon body could hold and bringing them to Twilight's side. Sirens blared outside the library, not that that was unusual anymore; everyday it was a new crime, a new victim and a new problem for the stressed mare. Finally though she had a plan, if nopony in Ponyville can figure out what started this spike in crime then maybe she could fined somepony who could... "Spike, draw the circles in the main room down stairs, make sure you use salt on the inner most circle and i'll get the candles." The dragon rushed down the stairs and began rearranging things to make room for the markings depicted in the book. Summoning for Experts: Runes and Procedures when Needing a Very Specific Someone. The 'Someone' made Twilight question the age of the book but the need was too great and her mind was focused on the task at hand, five candles wrapped in purple floated behind her as she rushed down the stairs; knowing at any moment a new victim could be held at gunpoint... "Ready Spike?" She asked Candles floated out to the outer circle, jagged shapes and confusing symbols drawn on the floor with a small ring of salt in the center, Spike had been charged with studying everything about summoning runes and it seems that for once he listened.. "Ready when you are!" Twilight nodded, taking a calming breath and sitting down. The sounds outside fading slowly as she focused purely on gather her magic, the candles flicked to life and the rings began to smear as if bleeding on the ground... "I hope you know what you're doing..." Spike said from the safety of a book fort The lines on the ground began to twist and change to waves of blue and red, Twilight's eyes began to glow brightly and each line of chalk collapses in to the center; salt bursting into a beam of hot fire and after a spit second the fire falls to the ground and vanishes like it never existed. Leaving a tall old human with his eyes closed standing in the room... Both Twilight and Spike were speechless... "...Am I dead?!" The man yelled, startling them out of their trance "I don't think so...?" Twilight said hesitantly "Then where am I? Alexander if you're playing a trick on me..." Spike walked closer to the man, curiosity winning over his fear. "You're not dead...and whos Alexander?" Spike asked. The man opened one eye, the world around him was surreal, books piled in a corner and more stacked on shelves, each somehow more colorful than any book the detective ever saw.. "Who's talking? Show yourself!" Frank felt something sharp poke his leg, looking down he saw something even he had trouble processing... "That's incredible! Who taught this dog to talk and stand like a person?" Spike instantly felt his high hopes fall, the old man ruffed his head like a pet, hand clumsily scratching and throwing Spike off balance, he yelled out crashing to the ground. Twilight still couldn't find the right words to say and each moment made it harder... "Oh look! A miniature horse with a cone on its head, I had one as a kid...made the best jerky I ever had when the bastard broke its nose..." Twilight's eyes widened, she ran to the book that lay open behind her, re-reading the spell again. To summon the "Greatest" Detective in history follow steps six through eight while skipping step three. Be warned, this spell has never been tested but do not use unless in dire need. Twilight tilted her head "Why is greatest in quotes...?" She asked quietly. "Um excuse me?! If the owner of the establishment could help me, i'm a Detective in the middle of a case and I need to get back to the station." Oh sweet Celestia what have I done... Twilight turned around and walked over to pick Spike back up, the poor dragons head still spinning. "Sir, my name is Twilight Sparkle, I summoned you to request you aid me in solving a few crimes..." Frank looked down, eyes widening and face stern with shock, bright blue eyes almost comically wide and it took some restraint on Twilight's part not to smile at the expression. "You talk too?! Was I drugged...?" "No...I brought you here with a spell that summoned the greatest detective in history..." Frank scoffed, feigning modesty and putting his hands in his coat pockets. "Well I did save the Queen of England but I was only doing my job. Just like everyone else." There it was again, everyone instead of everypony, Twilight figured he wasn't even of this universe to be so drastically different in actions to the way he spoke. Spike finally managed to get up and run back behind Twilight, shaking and peaking around her leg. "Who are you...?" She asked. "The names detective Frank Drebin, Police Squad...and don't you forget it." Author's Note ALL THE RANDOM! Had the idea when going though a bunch of old movies and trying to come up with a good crossover to try. Humans, mystery and ponies with a heavy does of slapstick, my body may or may not be ready.... The DealI knew something was funny about this place, the talking animals, the strange dog and worse of all was this itch on my back I just cant reach; Just like Alexander back at the stage, this itch was untouchable. My gut told me that playing along was the fastest way to get out of this situation but that still doesn't mean I have to like it. No, this was a delicate situation and it requires finesse and a careful touch if I have any hope of getting away from these strange horses... Twilight was searching though her books to find some sort of explanation for the misleading spell; Spike was watching the new guest carefully. Frank wandered around the library with his hands in his pockets examining the books. Twilight lifted a fresh quill in the air and brought it to her desk,both paper and quill hovering in the air behind her so she could write and read at the same time, scribbling down a letter and sealing it with a red band. Frank picked up a small statue and examined it; Spike took his attention off of the human and Twilight stated whispering to him. Frank raised a brow, noticing that the globe was not of earth...he put it back but he tripped on a board raised up out of place a little, grabbing a glass figure on a desk next to the shelf and snapping it in two trying to brace himself with it... Twilight heard a crash but when she looked down Frank waved, smiling brightly with his hand behind his back. Once Twilight resumed her conversation he turned around and tried to fit the two pieces back together before simply giving up and tossing it under the rug; hovering over it panicked when it obviously stuck out but snapping his attention back to Twilight when she came down the stairs. Spike blew a burst of fire and the letter was off to Canterlot. Frank stepped in front the evidence; jaw a little slack from the magic fire and staring at Spike as he descended the stairs to join Twilight. "That is a serious case of indigestion, whens the last time you took him to the vet?" Twilight ignored the comment and decided while she waited for a response from the princess...action was needed regardless of the setback. "Mr. Drebin, I thought about what you said and...I have an offer." Frank squinted questioningly and thought about it for a moment... "Alright...let's hear it." "I found a spell to send you home, it will take time to prepare but before I start I want to ask something of you...I called you because I need a detective to solve a problem this town is having." Frank walked around the room slowly, eyes never leaving Twilight and knowing full well what the problem was. The town stunk to the high heavens with crime, no doubt this horse would keep him trapped in this world until he fixed it...assuming this was all real of course; he had no choice but to assume it was real though. "You need my help to put who ever is causing this quiet town to become a hive a scum and villainy behind bars; because you know that this is too well put together to be random sprees, no this is something that goes much deeper than that." Twilight was astounded by the level of detail this man already knew, perhaps the book was right...Spike however wasn't as easily convinced; he chalked it up to either luck or somehow he managed to hear the conversation about the letter. Either way, the dragon was still not completely convinced... "Yes, once the job is done I can send you back to...where ever you came from." Frank paced back to the center of the room, he heard shots fired far outside and a women shriek in terror and he remembered the oath he took to uphold the law wherever injustice ran rampant. This was a case for all of the police squad but here he was on his own, a detective facing a threat like organized crime all on his own was daunting...but not impossible. "I'll take the case! I need a station with twenty of your finest police officers, a car and a fresh pot of coffee." Frank turned around to exit and when he grabbed the door Twilight just stared in confusion. "That's great and the station already has the best...but what's a car?" Twilight ran to catch Franks attention but stepped on the glass statue under the rug,the sound of shattering making her wince and quickly jump off of the lump. "Mazel tov! I'll be at the station if you need me." Frank threw open the door and he strode out into the night, ready to find the first lead once he caught one of the muggers in the act. Though he failed to notice the fact that another pony was plastered to the door he opened in her face... Twilight ran out and picked up the mare off the ground, eyes crossed and stars spinning in her eyes. "Lyra! Are you okay?" "I..why did you made human and tell me!" The dazed mare fell on her back still mumbling nonsense. Twilight prayed princess Celestia would read her letter in the morning so she could get some help dealing with the strange detective; though it seemed he was actually walking in the right direction for the police station in her small town, that one she did add to luck. Twilight ran after the man in hopes of finding some answers working with him; leaving Spike to help Lyra off the ground and inside until she recovered. _ _ The night was almost over and a shady character was counting bits in a purse that obviously couldn't belong to him. A loud crash and mare yelling got his attention, thinking it was one of his buddies and he stuffed the purse in his coat; running to assist and perhaps swipe the steal when the chance arose. Instead he saw a a man wearing a brown coat walking off from the library... "What in the world..." It walked on two legs and only a grey patch of hair on its head, he ducked around a corner to watch in safety. Twilight ran out after the man and shouted. "Detective, wait!" The stallion glared at the man in the coat and knew this meant trouble for the organization... He walked though the night streets, looking over his shoulder and constantly ducking corners to shake possible followers; ducking into a alley and tapping a door on the side of a rusted building, a slide opened up and leery green eyes glared down at him. "The password." "Bad apple..." The door swung open and he dashed in, the bar stunk of cheep booze and smoke. A group was huddled in a lighted corner playing cards and others gathered around the bar table drinking and laughing while soft jazz played from a dimly lit jukebox. The floorboards creaked with his quick pace until he stopped in front of a desk with two intimidating looking thugs standing on either side. "Boss, I got bad news..." The chair turned around and the figure stayed out of the light over the desk... "You knows what I do to jerks with bad news..." "I have good news as well, boss!" The figure thought for a moment and he saw a gleaming silver gun placed on the table by a dark orange hoof...he gulped... "Proceed..." "That mare in the library, she called herself some detective from outta town...way outta town..." The figure leaned into the light, hoof landing on the gun and no doubt ready to kill him in an instant... "B-but the guy was a crack pot! Looked like he never solved a case in his life!" Babs Seed grinned, putting the gun back under the desk and she sat back in the darkness. A couple months after her visit to Ponyville she found her calling back home...being a bully was just half her job now, the other half was taking over her favorite town to make a name for herself in the underworld. The tough as nails foal used a silver tongue and intimidation to work her way to her own gang and it was only a few weeks before she had established a iron grip on the small town, if this detective was a fluke then a simple scare might run him off... "Sends our new detective a welcomes party, make sure he gets outta town..." The stallion trotted off with a wicked grin to his friends at the poker table, soon two others joined him and took off to teach that idiot a lesson... Author's Note I really feel like I need to add more but I can't find a good spot to expand...so sorry about another short chapter. The next one should be a lot longer and thicker. With lots of mature humor for mature people Until then thanks for reading and I hope you like it ^^ A New LeadIt was early in the morning before Frank Drebin had the entire Ponyville police station fully under control; so far response times were improving, more arrests were being made by the hour and Frank had started his second cup of coffee. Frank was staring at a chart on the wall of connections and leads gathered in different interrogations; the gruff voice of the police stations commissioner yelled over the noise of the office. "Drebin! My office, now!" Frank kept his stare on a photo of what appeared to be a old man walking down an alley... "Hmph.." Frank turned quickly and crossed a few desks until he entered the cramped office of the Comississioner, calling the old pony gruff would be the understatement of the century; stiff pointy face fuzz from long nights and an office; smelling like black coffee was the reward of a hard working cop. Frank was still surprised at how quick the pony gained his trust...something about him just made it easy for any cop to follow such a leader. The stallion sat down in what looked like a worn but comfortable leather chair...which made Frank question where the leather came from if this was a society of vegan horses... "Frank..you've been staring at that picture of yourself for an hour." Frank shot him an incredulous look and recalled the man in a coat walking under the street cam... "But he was witnessed in a known gang area!" "Drebin! You are literally the only human within a three hundred mile radius, that is a picture of you, you moron!" Frank was annoyed at the tone the Chief was taking...apparently the long nights made his temper very short. Though perhaps he was right about that lead... "Drebin...I welcome your help because I know a cop when I see one; but I need you to focus on the leads we already have." Frank took a seat in one of the two chairs, the Chief sitting at his desk and grabbing a stack of case files; throwing them out for Frank to pick, though he picked one up and pushed it out of the pile for Frank. "We got a perp in interrogation, get what you can out of the dirtbag and follow up on what you find...you don't work for us so I want you to go where we can't, but that also means we can't help you if you get in trouble." Frank took the file and stuffed it in his coat for later, he worked with independent investigators before but they never lasted long. The fact that more P.I.'s were killed in action than actual cops made Frank a bit superstitious but the thought of a fresh suspect gave him that confidant smirk. Standing up, the stallion following quickly and outstretching a hoof, Frank awkwardly tried to give him a hand shake but the lack of hands caused it to end in a stuttering fistbump...or...brohoof as the kids call it these days? The pony just shook his head and sat back down, rubbing his eyes as Frank departed. The dim room was only filled with a steel table and very uncomfortable chair...overhead light beaming down painfully bright so the pony occupying the room sat in the darkness. Frank threw open the door and slammed it shut behind him...the punk was playing tough but years of tougher streets and flying bullets was more than enough to break some rat... The file slammed down on the table and pictures of items stolen from a local bakery flew out on the table and he could tell the perp just sat back and smiled... "A set of kitchen cutlery, a dozen sapphire cupcakes and twenty kilos...of frosting....you make me sick you piece of scum.." What surprised Frank was the female voice that responded... "Mind telling me where my stash is now, detective?" She said in a slow and teasing voice... The chair squeaked forward and a cotton candy mane over just as pink color brightened the room. Frank had to double take to make sure his eyes weren't making a mistake...Sure enough a bubbly pink mare was in the chair. Giving him a big confidant grin.. "It's under lock and key, which is where you're going." Frank started for the door, criminals that thought themselves so high above the law admitted their actions proudly; this time though Frank Drebin was there to witness yet another case ending in a dealer going away for a long time...until the voice stopped him dead in his tracks just as he grabbed the door handle... "What if I said I could blow this mob wide open?" Frank grit his teeth and leg go of the door, turning back around to see the mare just sit back happily out of justices reach; kicking her hooves up on the table and hiding her face under that out of control mane... "I got names and places that could cripple those bad apples...maybe if you're good you can get the leader even..." Frank heard knocking on the glass behind him, whoever wanted his attention would wait... "You help us take down the mob and in return, I'll make sure you get off with community service and a small fine..." Frank never made a better offer to anyone, but the fact that he was actually trapped in this world until a crime boss sat with a new orange jumpsuit. Perhaps this was a trick but that look in her eye was enough proof for him to know that this was far from a trick. "No fine." She said with an annoyed tone. His hold was slipping; if this continued it would end with the perp holding all the cards... "Fine..thirty hours of service and a fifty dollar fee." She leaned forward and looked a little fierce.. "Thirty hours and no fine!" "Thirty, thirty." He said. both of their blood was rising.. "Thirty ten!" "Thirty, twenty-five!" He shouted, nearly throwing the chair aside...this was his station and his rules, no back alley scum was going to turn the tables on him, but the strange thing was she just gave a small smile and sat back. "Twenty, ten..." Frank let his jaw hang...scowl growing to take away the shocked look.. "Twenty, twenty!" A stallion behind him shouted eagerly. Somehow a crowd of officers had grown behind Frank and all of them had bidding cards.. The pink mare jumped up in her seat like she knew they were there the whole time. "Twenty, ten!" the mare shouted. Frank looked around baffled but put it aside for the moment to try and regain control. "Twenty, ten!" another cop shouted to take the bid. Twenty, eight! Twenty, five! TEN, ZERO! Five, twenty! Frank was overwhelmed for a moment but a big grin dawned on his face as an idea to end this nonsense hit him.. "Zero, zero!" He shouted triumphantly "Sold!" She shouted and following up by banging a hammer against the table. Frank's moment of victory and watching the room of officers become just him and the perp again was diminished by the fact he just promised a criminal a free ride out... Frank sat down and pulled the file back together, trying to compose his thoughts. This was still his case and if it meant going home, he was willing to leave a smaller problem for the real ponies in..and colored, blue. The pink mare smiled happily that she won this little game which made Frank just more angry. "Now then...I hope we can work together now that I've bought your information, what's you name anyway?" The pink mare smirked... "The names Pie...Pinkie Pie." Author's Note No, Pinkie Pie is not to be take seriously at any time...course she has had her moments when she acts serious to go along with a gag... Sorry this one took so long but I needed to end my first story properly and get my latest story off the ground; so my attention was strained between the two. Though as we speak my blood is pumping with coffee which means loooooots of writing fun. Hope you enjoy the forced female interest that every good crime fiction has. Time for ActionThe coffee I drank had started settling, the all too familiar feeling of uncomfortable clenching for hours on end until I got home from a long day on the job; but this crook was making me clench even more uncomfortably...I wasn't sure how to proceed, I had a face and and a name after I pulled some records concerning this "Babs Seed." Seems the filly was one tough cookie, and not the good kind...the kind that's been sitting out all night and chips your teeth when you unknowingly bite into it in the morning. Regardless, if a chipped tooth meant going home, I had no choice but to take a big bite out of this crime dog..pony... "Mr. Detective guy?" Frank blinked rapidly and shook his head out of the day dream, looking around, he remembered being in the hospital with Deep Throat;the poor informant suffered what most moles go though at one point or another...the hard beating after being ratted out. The stallion was lucky to be alive after what they put him though, lying in bed with body nearly all covered in casts and bandages. Frank was just busy thinking of that jerky..how chewy it was and how the horse was cooked- "Sir...?" This time it was the nurse who broke Frank out of his thoughts, he turned around and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at the white coat mare the a red cross on her flank. "The protection unit just arrived." She said, meaning it was time for him to get back to the case... "Thank you, miss, I just wanted to make sure he would be okay; guess its goes to show that men and women of the police force stick together...even if one is a horse." Frank looked around and let out a long sigh, not sure how to keep that conversation going when the mare looked at him with confusion showing. No matter what, it was that time again..time to hit the streets and take down this crime lord. Frank managed to do a little homework on the dirt the mole was able to dig up. "Babs Seed" was her name, a filly from the big city with even bigger ambitions...Frank had a name, a face and enough evidence to take down this punk... Guess Pinkie Pie held her end of the bargain... Frank blew out a sigh and turned around, the pink mare almost bouncing in place after staying still for so long. "I guess that means you're free to go, Miss. Pie, you've been a great help to the police force." Pinkie Pie tilted her head and raised a brow. "What kinda friend would I be to just leave with the job half done?!" The human raised a brow, not sure when he became friends with the hyperactive horse; still, he could have worse back-up; Pinkie Pie has proven resourceful...as long as she didn't get in the way of real police work. So after a little thought, he looked up and saw the two police-ponies walk into the room and make it known that he was no longer needed. "We need you to wrap it up, sir." One of the ponies in blue said. Frank sighed again and looked back over at the stallion in the bed, a strange deja vu coming back to him once he realized he put his hand on the bed. Something about the moment was bringing back a half memory, Frank looked over at the controls for the bed and wondered if the stallion was comfortable is such an odd position that the nurses left him in... "Sir." The pony reminded... Frank looked back and grumbled, turning around and only patting the stallion on the shoulder as he leaves. Pinkie following closely and ready to act, both of them tired of being on the defense..now was the time for an attack, now was the time for them to walk into the hornets nest and drag out the queen...now was also the time that Deep Throat's bed malfunctions and starts bashing him between the mattress, cops stumbling to stop the bed from making his already bad situation worse. _ _ "I thought I told yous to send that coppa runnin'!" Babs Seed was angry, angry at her gang for failing at such a simple task...unfortunately, she was also getting nervous. Even after eliminating the mole, this guy wouldn't quit; perhaps a more personal touch was needed to mend this situation... "I want the two jerks who failed in my office!" Babs needed a plan, something to send him packing without raising suspicion....maybe a little grease on the hoof might get him out of town... The two stallions walked into the already cramped office, Babs motioning for everyone else to take a hike. Glaring them down while she thought; she didn't like it one bit, to lose some edge and resort to paying a PI to drop his case was low. It felt like begging a cop to not throw her in jail...and she would never beg...sniveling like a filly, defeated and stuck in the big house for a long time. The thought overcame her ego and she stood up, both stallions gulping and going wide eyed. "I need yous two to do a job..." If she had to beg...she was going to do it in style. _ _ Later that day... Frank was busy all day busting high ranking members of the mob, all of them awaiting a deal to sell out the leader in return for an easy sentence; some begged, some fought...all brought down by the magic of justice...about to hit one last key member of the organization, Frank entered the fine restaurant, the stallion in a shady part of the place was his target... unaware that his affiliation to the gang was now in the open. In Frank's mind, a money weighted supporter of crime was worse than the thug hold the gun...to have the gall to fund such things but think yourself above criminal action...it made him sick the moment he saw the stallion sitting with more than his fair share of mares in a booth... "-Did you know that I practically own Equestria's leading producer of apples...right here in Ponyville!" Frank closed the rest of the distance with a confidant swagger and pulled out his badge, the mares going frozen and stallion looking annoyed... "I was hoping to have a private conversation with you, Mr.?" The mares caught the hint and scattered like flies, Frank grinning and grabbing a chair from a table to take a seat across from him. "Rich...Filthy Rich...and you are?" He said, gaining a stone cold composure. Smug bastard... "Detective Frank Drebin, police squad. I got a few questions for you..." The real police were waiting outside for the signal...all in force to take down another crime lord the moment he incriminates himself. Evidence was good, an admission of guilt was inescapable. "Ask away." He said, sitting back and smiling. "Where were you on the night your bank was "robbed"?" "At home, reading to my child to help her go to sleep." It was a practiced lie, it didn't take much investigating to find out the truth; yet to hear the Filthy Rich lie to his face...it was a little insulting. "Then why did your daughter say she sleeping over at her friends house that night?" That got his attention...Rich sat up and leaned over the table, a scowl replacing the grin slowly as he mumbled to himself. "She must be getting the nights wrong, after all...who's memory is perfect when your but a child being question by police without parental consent." Now it was his turn to grin... "I'm not with the police force here, sir. Consent was not needed, now lets try this again. Did you agree to let a gang hold up your public bank so you could steal that money?" Rich stood up now, anger getting the best of him when he slammed his hooves down on the table. "Are you accusing me of FRAUD?!" Filthy Rich was a smart man...but not a wise one...he stormed out of the booth and started for the door, Frank just stood up calmly and called back. "I can make it go away..." That stopped the pony in his tracks... "Like I said, I can send the cops in a whole new direction...away from you..." Rich turned around and glared... "Are you blackmailing me...?" Frank just smirked. "......Fine...how much do you want?" Frank cleared his throat. "About twenty years!" ......Nothing happened... Filthy Rich just looked at him...understanding slowly dawning on his face. "Erm...I said... about twenty years! Rich suddenly backed away from the door and dug in his coat, Frank cursed silently and went for his gun; all too late when the stallion had a gold magnum trained at the detective's chest. Back-up wasn't coming..for some reason or another...Frank was on his own again. Escorted out the back with a gun, no doubt on him the entire time until they reached an alley. The stallion ordered him to stop, Frank wanted to turn around; instincts told him that doing so would not be the best idea...which means that all that was left is- A hard thump of the butt of a gun across the head and Frank's world was consumed by blackness. Chapter 4It was a few days until I worked the plan over to the commissioner, the old horse had a hard time trusting me and frankly...I blame this Pinkie Pie character...from what I learned, she was this important celebrity here. Of course if it were up to me, she'd be behind bars for the night at the least. That's how life was, though...full of surprises. I had to hope though that no more surprises were in the way of getting home. Now though that I had a solid lead, I can charge in to this rotten punks home and slap him with lady justice's dainty golden glove...a new challenge that he cant hope to run away from... Frank Drebin drank from his coffee mug again and picked though the case file for some of the known members of this gang, waiting for the commissioner's approval on the deal he had made. Only a half an hour passed and the bright pink visage of the perp bounced out of the office and over to Franks desk. "Alrighty Mr. Detective! You ready to catch the bad guys?" Pinkie said with her usual bubbly voice. Frank grimaced and got up, grabbing his gun and took a parting drink of his coffee. The daylight breaking though the blinds told Frank that it was already morning, soon hopefully, he would be on his way home by tonight. Though if this energetic mare was just telling a lie to get out of trouble...Frank might end up extending his stay. "Alright laides and gentlemen..." Frank said, setting his mug down and taking a deep breath for the speech this station needed to get everyone ready to stop this mob. "I know i'm the new guy here, but I know this station can help me take this organization down! These scum sucking piles of garbage wont get away with anymore robberies, muggings, thuggings and druggings..." Most of the ponies in the station stopped what they were doing and looked up, nothing but confusion written on their faces. A mare in blue leaned over to her friend and tried to figure out what a "thugging" was... "Today we mark the last day that the law bends for these criminals...today we go out there and fight for the safety of our families and every innocent, today we fight for freedom!!!" Pinkie Pie was behind Frank cheering, half her face painted blue and wearing an ill fitting kilt...the officers though were finally jazzed up, all of them either cheering as well or stomping the ground in a clap. Frank grinned slightly and crossed his arms, in a way...he felt at home. The commissioner had to shout to get the station to calm down...the booming voice silenced all phones and radios and made Frank turn around in confusion when he shouted.. "DREBIN!" Frank glared back but knew this was a fight he couldn't win... So instead he grabbed his coat off the chair. Pinkie leading the way out, kilt left on Drebin's desk and as Frank throws the coat on, he gave the pony a glare before saying. "I've got a case to break..." Leaving out with a confidant stride and determined pace. The commissioner sighed heavily and pulled a heavy metal flask from his coat. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking..." Frank walked the streets with pride, not bothering to give second thought to all the attention he was drawing just being a human walking in ponyville in broad daylight. Frank followed Pinkie closely as she lead him to the first hotspot, hopefully he would be able to tell the scum right away and make a solid arrest. The good thing about being a P.I. was that he didn't need to follow the rules to take down criminals; all he needed was his gut to ruin a dirtbags day... "Miss. Pie, Where is it exactly that we're going?" Frank said as he glanced down a street they were passing. "We're gonna go see my inside man..." Pinkie trotted a bit quicker into a alley, Frank following closely with his hand staying low and close to his gun... As far as moles went, this character fit the bill extremely well. A buff physic that would match a common thug mixed with a trench coat and hat to hide his identity, face shrouded in shadows but shifting eyes constantly scanning the strange human. "Yo, Pink Fuzz....who's the new..thing?" He asked, voice raspy, no doubt to hide his real voice. "It's cool, Deep Throat...the guy's a cop." The stallion glared at Pinkie and looked furious suddenly.. "I told you, not my real name! Call me The Mole!" Pinkie gasped sharply and looked around rapidly, panicking that she might've just blown her only inside mans cover.. "Oh no! We need to lay low! Find a train and, and, and..we need to get outta here!!" Pinkie shouted, leaping into the air and diving into a nearby trashcan, lid spinning as she passes and slamming shut, pink tail sticking out. Frank looked at...apparently, Deep Throat in confusion; the stallion was still worried...just not as worried as Pinkie... "So...what's the scoop on this mob?" Frank said, trying to bring the conversation to a more important topic. The stallion nodded and pulled out a file from the trench coat, Frank took it eagerly and began flipping though pictures of what appeared to be an orange mare..well younger than average but with out a doubt a mare. "What's this?" Frank asked, shutting the file quickly. "She don't look it, I know...but that right there is the meanest little filly i've ever seen...puts fear into a grown stallions soul, man...that right there is the boss." Frank was shocked a bit...he didn't think that someone so young would be behind this, yet he understood that the nature of his job would mean constant surprises; frankly this whole time has been surprise after surprise. Frank was about to shake the stallions hand and say goodbye when a gruff voice cleared his throat behind Frank... "Secuse me, sir...I believe you are lost." Frank turned around and glared down, three imposing stallions wearing old looking scraps of clothes and one obviously showing the butt of a revolver in his jacket, deterring Frank from fighting or fleeing... "Maybe you should go back to your town, this one's in good hooves..." Frank stuffed the file in his coat, glancing back and rolling his eyes when he realized Deep Throat was gone. The pink tail was still sticking out of the trashcan...Frank was on his own apparently. "And if I don't, punk?" He retorted. The stallion with the revolver pulled out the silver peace in one motion and fired three shots just past Frank and into the trashcan, Frank's eyes widened and it took every bit of his will to resist pulling out his own gun... The three laughed at what they assumed was shock with fear, turning around and walking back to their own business. Frank growled under his breath and looked over at the trashcan, it was a shame to see such outright violation of the law go unpunished, yet with all the cards stacked against him..there was only so much that one human could do. "Jeeze...can you believe the nerve of those guys?" Frank turned back at the trashcan, Pinkie Pie was walking up the alley. Perfectly fine and even stuffing the rest of a cupcake in her cheeks. Had it been a fellow officer, Frank would've shot Pinkie herself for pulling one over his head like that..Still, he felt some odd connection with her...like she was just easy to be friends with...so of course he was angry when she did show up unharmed. Pinkie gave Frank an odd look seeing as he was silent for so long. "You okay, Mr. Detective?" She asked quickly. Frank resumed his normal scowl and turned around, striding out and back into the normal streets. It didn't matter, he had his target and now he had a bigger motive than going home. This was an insult...a scare tactic by a cornered criminal, now all it took was a little pressure here and there; soon this boss would show her face, and Drebin would be there to to give her a new set of silver cuffs... "Miss. Pie...how would I use handcuffs on horses?" Author's Note WOOOOH, I finally banged out another chapter with(what I thought was) pretty tasty humor! That's why i'm excited to finally upload it! So I hope you enjoy, and expect more regular uploads
The Disappering ActFrank Drebin woke up slowly; rubbing his eyes and putting aside his bedtime bear, he sat up only to bump his head into the chambers lid. Frank's eyes shot open, looking around at his prison, the dark dank chamber no bigger than a coffin and the occasional jolting shake told him that the chamber was moving. Frank felt his head bump against the walls when the truck transporting him hit a pothole, cursing the shotty construction work. "Blast! I knew that darn lobster was too good. When I get my hands on-" Another pothole bumped his head into the wall again. The detective rubbed his head just before the truck ran over another pothole...and another...running over a construction barrel, a neon vested worker, lastly turning a corner and clipping an occupied port-a-jon; Frank groaned in delirious pain. "Stop. This. Truck!" The truck came to an abrupt stop, Frank slid up in the chamber and knocked his head. Groaning again eyes a little cross eyed from the concussions. Frank snapped back into high alert when he heard the truck door open; creaking and cold air seeping into the chamber. A heavy yank pulled the chamber out of the truck and he was carried by a team for some distance until he heard sounds of a crowd... "You better open this door or i'll-!" The curtain flew off the glass chamber, the stage lights blinded Frank for a moment but when his vision returned he saw the slime that got him into this mess... "Richard Alexander..." The man in the magician suit glared at the detective... "What? You still don't like having two first names? How about you let me out so I can formally apologize then scum bag..." The magician took a deep breath and faced the crowd, sparklers going off and women barely dressed walked the stage. Frank began to pinpoint faces out of the crowd and matched them to wanted profiles of Police Squads most wanted so that meant....this was a public execution... "Now ladies and gentleman! As I make the Police Squads greatest detective and all our problems...Disappear!" The crowd laughed, Frank noticed the floor was loose and he guessed a painful drop awaited him when the cover was put back on, the fake magician milked the crowd; playing his games and poking Frank to humiliate him. Soon enough Frank saw the red velvet cover come back and he resorted to desperation, banging and hollering out as many insults as he could and just as the cover put him back into darkness he saw the wall in the back cave in with red and blue lights beaming though the dust. It was too late...the floor dropped away and Franks vision went white... _ _ Spike ran around the library frantically, gathering as many books as his tiny dragon body could hold and bringing them to Twilight's side. Sirens blared outside the library, not that that was unusual anymore; everyday it was a new crime, a new victim and a new problem for the stressed mare. Finally though she had a plan, if nopony in Ponyville can figure out what started this spike in crime then maybe she could fined somepony who could... "Spike, draw the circles in the main room down stairs, make sure you use salt on the inner most circle and i'll get the candles." The dragon rushed down the stairs and began rearranging things to make room for the markings depicted in the book. Summoning for Experts: Runes and Procedures when Needing a Very Specific Someone. The 'Someone' made Twilight question the age of the book but the need was too great and her mind was focused on the task at hand, five candles wrapped in purple floated behind her as she rushed down the stairs; knowing at any moment a new victim could be held at gunpoint... "Ready Spike?" She asked Candles floated out to the outer circle, jagged shapes and confusing symbols drawn on the floor with a small ring of salt in the center, Spike had been charged with studying everything about summoning runes and it seems that for once he listened.. "Ready when you are!" Twilight nodded, taking a calming breath and sitting down. The sounds outside fading slowly as she focused purely on gather her magic, the candles flicked to life and the rings began to smear as if bleeding on the ground... "I hope you know what you're doing..." Spike said from the safety of a book fort The lines on the ground began to twist and change to waves of blue and red, Twilight's eyes began to glow brightly and each line of chalk collapses in to the center; salt bursting into a beam of hot fire and after a spit second the fire falls to the ground and vanishes like it never existed. Leaving a tall old human with his eyes closed standing in the room... Both Twilight and Spike were speechless... "...Am I dead?!" The man yelled, startling them out of their trance "I don't think so...?" Twilight said hesitantly "Then where am I? Alexander if you're playing a trick on me..." Spike walked closer to the man, curiosity winning over his fear. "You're not dead...and whos Alexander?" Spike asked. The man opened one eye, the world around him was surreal, books piled in a corner and more stacked on shelves, each somehow more colorful than any book the detective ever saw.. "Who's talking? Show yourself!" Frank felt something sharp poke his leg, looking down he saw something even he had trouble processing... "That's incredible! Who taught this dog to talk and stand like a person?" Spike instantly felt his high hopes fall, the old man ruffed his head like a pet, hand clumsily scratching and throwing Spike off balance, he yelled out crashing to the ground. Twilight still couldn't find the right words to say and each moment made it harder... "Oh look! A miniature horse with a cone on its head, I had one as a kid...made the best jerky I ever had when the bastard broke its nose..." Twilight's eyes widened, she ran to the book that lay open behind her, re-reading the spell again. To summon the "Greatest" Detective in history follow steps six through eight while skipping step three. Be warned, this spell has never been tested but do not use unless in dire need. Twilight tilted her head "Why is greatest in quotes...?" She asked quietly. "Um excuse me?! If the owner of the establishment could help me, i'm a Detective in the middle of a case and I need to get back to the station." Oh sweet Celestia what have I done... Twilight turned around and walked over to pick Spike back up, the poor dragons head still spinning. "Sir, my name is Twilight Sparkle, I summoned you to request you aid me in solving a few crimes..." Frank looked down, eyes widening and face stern with shock, bright blue eyes almost comically wide and it took some restraint on Twilight's part not to smile at the expression. "You talk too?! Was I drugged...?" "No...I brought you here with a spell that summoned the greatest detective in history..." Frank scoffed, feigning modesty and putting his hands in his coat pockets. "Well I did save the Queen of England but I was only doing my job. Just like everyone else." There it was again, everyone instead of everypony, Twilight figured he wasn't even of this universe to be so drastically different in actions to the way he spoke. Spike finally managed to get up and run back behind Twilight, shaking and peaking around her leg. "Who are you...?" She asked. "The names detective Frank Drebin, Police Squad...and don't you forget it." Author's Note ALL THE RANDOM! Had the idea when going though a bunch of old movies and trying to come up with a good crossover to try. Humans, mystery and ponies with a heavy does of slapstick, my body may or may not be ready....
The DealI knew something was funny about this place, the talking animals, the strange dog and worse of all was this itch on my back I just cant reach; Just like Alexander back at the stage, this itch was untouchable. My gut told me that playing along was the fastest way to get out of this situation but that still doesn't mean I have to like it. No, this was a delicate situation and it requires finesse and a careful touch if I have any hope of getting away from these strange horses... Twilight was searching though her books to find some sort of explanation for the misleading spell; Spike was watching the new guest carefully. Frank wandered around the library with his hands in his pockets examining the books. Twilight lifted a fresh quill in the air and brought it to her desk,both paper and quill hovering in the air behind her so she could write and read at the same time, scribbling down a letter and sealing it with a red band. Frank picked up a small statue and examined it; Spike took his attention off of the human and Twilight stated whispering to him. Frank raised a brow, noticing that the globe was not of earth...he put it back but he tripped on a board raised up out of place a little, grabbing a glass figure on a desk next to the shelf and snapping it in two trying to brace himself with it... Twilight heard a crash but when she looked down Frank waved, smiling brightly with his hand behind his back. Once Twilight resumed her conversation he turned around and tried to fit the two pieces back together before simply giving up and tossing it under the rug; hovering over it panicked when it obviously stuck out but snapping his attention back to Twilight when she came down the stairs. Spike blew a burst of fire and the letter was off to Canterlot. Frank stepped in front the evidence; jaw a little slack from the magic fire and staring at Spike as he descended the stairs to join Twilight. "That is a serious case of indigestion, whens the last time you took him to the vet?" Twilight ignored the comment and decided while she waited for a response from the princess...action was needed regardless of the setback. "Mr. Drebin, I thought about what you said and...I have an offer." Frank squinted questioningly and thought about it for a moment... "Alright...let's hear it." "I found a spell to send you home, it will take time to prepare but before I start I want to ask something of you...I called you because I need a detective to solve a problem this town is having." Frank walked around the room slowly, eyes never leaving Twilight and knowing full well what the problem was. The town stunk to the high heavens with crime, no doubt this horse would keep him trapped in this world until he fixed it...assuming this was all real of course; he had no choice but to assume it was real though. "You need my help to put who ever is causing this quiet town to become a hive a scum and villainy behind bars; because you know that this is too well put together to be random sprees, no this is something that goes much deeper than that." Twilight was astounded by the level of detail this man already knew, perhaps the book was right...Spike however wasn't as easily convinced; he chalked it up to either luck or somehow he managed to hear the conversation about the letter. Either way, the dragon was still not completely convinced... "Yes, once the job is done I can send you back to...where ever you came from." Frank paced back to the center of the room, he heard shots fired far outside and a women shriek in terror and he remembered the oath he took to uphold the law wherever injustice ran rampant. This was a case for all of the police squad but here he was on his own, a detective facing a threat like organized crime all on his own was daunting...but not impossible. "I'll take the case! I need a station with twenty of your finest police officers, a car and a fresh pot of coffee." Frank turned around to exit and when he grabbed the door Twilight just stared in confusion. "That's great and the station already has the best...but what's a car?" Twilight ran to catch Franks attention but stepped on the glass statue under the rug,the sound of shattering making her wince and quickly jump off of the lump. "Mazel tov! I'll be at the station if you need me." Frank threw open the door and he strode out into the night, ready to find the first lead once he caught one of the muggers in the act. Though he failed to notice the fact that another pony was plastered to the door he opened in her face... Twilight ran out and picked up the mare off the ground, eyes crossed and stars spinning in her eyes. "Lyra! Are you okay?" "I..why did you made human and tell me!" The dazed mare fell on her back still mumbling nonsense. Twilight prayed princess Celestia would read her letter in the morning so she could get some help dealing with the strange detective; though it seemed he was actually walking in the right direction for the police station in her small town, that one she did add to luck. Twilight ran after the man in hopes of finding some answers working with him; leaving Spike to help Lyra off the ground and inside until she recovered. _ _ The night was almost over and a shady character was counting bits in a purse that obviously couldn't belong to him. A loud crash and mare yelling got his attention, thinking it was one of his buddies and he stuffed the purse in his coat; running to assist and perhaps swipe the steal when the chance arose. Instead he saw a a man wearing a brown coat walking off from the library... "What in the world..." It walked on two legs and only a grey patch of hair on its head, he ducked around a corner to watch in safety. Twilight ran out after the man and shouted. "Detective, wait!" The stallion glared at the man in the coat and knew this meant trouble for the organization... He walked though the night streets, looking over his shoulder and constantly ducking corners to shake possible followers; ducking into a alley and tapping a door on the side of a rusted building, a slide opened up and leery green eyes glared down at him. "The password." "Bad apple..." The door swung open and he dashed in, the bar stunk of cheep booze and smoke. A group was huddled in a lighted corner playing cards and others gathered around the bar table drinking and laughing while soft jazz played from a dimly lit jukebox. The floorboards creaked with his quick pace until he stopped in front of a desk with two intimidating looking thugs standing on either side. "Boss, I got bad news..." The chair turned around and the figure stayed out of the light over the desk... "You knows what I do to jerks with bad news..." "I have good news as well, boss!" The figure thought for a moment and he saw a gleaming silver gun placed on the table by a dark orange hoof...he gulped... "Proceed..." "That mare in the library, she called herself some detective from outta town...way outta town..." The figure leaned into the light, hoof landing on the gun and no doubt ready to kill him in an instant... "B-but the guy was a crack pot! Looked like he never solved a case in his life!" Babs Seed grinned, putting the gun back under the desk and she sat back in the darkness. A couple months after her visit to Ponyville she found her calling back home...being a bully was just half her job now, the other half was taking over her favorite town to make a name for herself in the underworld. The tough as nails foal used a silver tongue and intimidation to work her way to her own gang and it was only a few weeks before she had established a iron grip on the small town, if this detective was a fluke then a simple scare might run him off... "Sends our new detective a welcomes party, make sure he gets outta town..." The stallion trotted off with a wicked grin to his friends at the poker table, soon two others joined him and took off to teach that idiot a lesson... Author's Note I really feel like I need to add more but I can't find a good spot to expand...so sorry about another short chapter. The next one should be a lot longer and thicker. With lots of mature humor for mature people Until then thanks for reading and I hope you like it ^^
A New LeadIt was early in the morning before Frank Drebin had the entire Ponyville police station fully under control; so far response times were improving, more arrests were being made by the hour and Frank had started his second cup of coffee. Frank was staring at a chart on the wall of connections and leads gathered in different interrogations; the gruff voice of the police stations commissioner yelled over the noise of the office. "Drebin! My office, now!" Frank kept his stare on a photo of what appeared to be a old man walking down an alley... "Hmph.." Frank turned quickly and crossed a few desks until he entered the cramped office of the Comississioner, calling the old pony gruff would be the understatement of the century; stiff pointy face fuzz from long nights and an office; smelling like black coffee was the reward of a hard working cop. Frank was still surprised at how quick the pony gained his trust...something about him just made it easy for any cop to follow such a leader. The stallion sat down in what looked like a worn but comfortable leather chair...which made Frank question where the leather came from if this was a society of vegan horses... "Frank..you've been staring at that picture of yourself for an hour." Frank shot him an incredulous look and recalled the man in a coat walking under the street cam... "But he was witnessed in a known gang area!" "Drebin! You are literally the only human within a three hundred mile radius, that is a picture of you, you moron!" Frank was annoyed at the tone the Chief was taking...apparently the long nights made his temper very short. Though perhaps he was right about that lead... "Drebin...I welcome your help because I know a cop when I see one; but I need you to focus on the leads we already have." Frank took a seat in one of the two chairs, the Chief sitting at his desk and grabbing a stack of case files; throwing them out for Frank to pick, though he picked one up and pushed it out of the pile for Frank. "We got a perp in interrogation, get what you can out of the dirtbag and follow up on what you find...you don't work for us so I want you to go where we can't, but that also means we can't help you if you get in trouble." Frank took the file and stuffed it in his coat for later, he worked with independent investigators before but they never lasted long. The fact that more P.I.'s were killed in action than actual cops made Frank a bit superstitious but the thought of a fresh suspect gave him that confidant smirk. Standing up, the stallion following quickly and outstretching a hoof, Frank awkwardly tried to give him a hand shake but the lack of hands caused it to end in a stuttering fistbump...or...brohoof as the kids call it these days? The pony just shook his head and sat back down, rubbing his eyes as Frank departed. The dim room was only filled with a steel table and very uncomfortable chair...overhead light beaming down painfully bright so the pony occupying the room sat in the darkness. Frank threw open the door and slammed it shut behind him...the punk was playing tough but years of tougher streets and flying bullets was more than enough to break some rat... The file slammed down on the table and pictures of items stolen from a local bakery flew out on the table and he could tell the perp just sat back and smiled... "A set of kitchen cutlery, a dozen sapphire cupcakes and twenty kilos...of frosting....you make me sick you piece of scum.." What surprised Frank was the female voice that responded... "Mind telling me where my stash is now, detective?" She said in a slow and teasing voice... The chair squeaked forward and a cotton candy mane over just as pink color brightened the room. Frank had to double take to make sure his eyes weren't making a mistake...Sure enough a bubbly pink mare was in the chair. Giving him a big confidant grin.. "It's under lock and key, which is where you're going." Frank started for the door, criminals that thought themselves so high above the law admitted their actions proudly; this time though Frank Drebin was there to witness yet another case ending in a dealer going away for a long time...until the voice stopped him dead in his tracks just as he grabbed the door handle... "What if I said I could blow this mob wide open?" Frank grit his teeth and leg go of the door, turning back around to see the mare just sit back happily out of justices reach; kicking her hooves up on the table and hiding her face under that out of control mane... "I got names and places that could cripple those bad apples...maybe if you're good you can get the leader even..." Frank heard knocking on the glass behind him, whoever wanted his attention would wait... "You help us take down the mob and in return, I'll make sure you get off with community service and a small fine..." Frank never made a better offer to anyone, but the fact that he was actually trapped in this world until a crime boss sat with a new orange jumpsuit. Perhaps this was a trick but that look in her eye was enough proof for him to know that this was far from a trick. "No fine." She said with an annoyed tone. His hold was slipping; if this continued it would end with the perp holding all the cards... "Fine..thirty hours of service and a fifty dollar fee." She leaned forward and looked a little fierce.. "Thirty hours and no fine!" "Thirty, thirty." He said. both of their blood was rising.. "Thirty ten!" "Thirty, twenty-five!" He shouted, nearly throwing the chair aside...this was his station and his rules, no back alley scum was going to turn the tables on him, but the strange thing was she just gave a small smile and sat back. "Twenty, ten..." Frank let his jaw hang...scowl growing to take away the shocked look.. "Twenty, twenty!" A stallion behind him shouted eagerly. Somehow a crowd of officers had grown behind Frank and all of them had bidding cards.. The pink mare jumped up in her seat like she knew they were there the whole time. "Twenty, ten!" the mare shouted. Frank looked around baffled but put it aside for the moment to try and regain control. "Twenty, ten!" another cop shouted to take the bid. Twenty, eight! Twenty, five! TEN, ZERO! Five, twenty! Frank was overwhelmed for a moment but a big grin dawned on his face as an idea to end this nonsense hit him.. "Zero, zero!" He shouted triumphantly "Sold!" She shouted and following up by banging a hammer against the table. Frank's moment of victory and watching the room of officers become just him and the perp again was diminished by the fact he just promised a criminal a free ride out... Frank sat down and pulled the file back together, trying to compose his thoughts. This was still his case and if it meant going home, he was willing to leave a smaller problem for the real ponies in..and colored, blue. The pink mare smiled happily that she won this little game which made Frank just more angry. "Now then...I hope we can work together now that I've bought your information, what's you name anyway?" The pink mare smirked... "The names Pie...Pinkie Pie." Author's Note No, Pinkie Pie is not to be take seriously at any time...course she has had her moments when she acts serious to go along with a gag... Sorry this one took so long but I needed to end my first story properly and get my latest story off the ground; so my attention was strained between the two. Though as we speak my blood is pumping with coffee which means loooooots of writing fun. Hope you enjoy the forced female interest that every good crime fiction has.
Time for ActionThe coffee I drank had started settling, the all too familiar feeling of uncomfortable clenching for hours on end until I got home from a long day on the job; but this crook was making me clench even more uncomfortably...I wasn't sure how to proceed, I had a face and and a name after I pulled some records concerning this "Babs Seed." Seems the filly was one tough cookie, and not the good kind...the kind that's been sitting out all night and chips your teeth when you unknowingly bite into it in the morning. Regardless, if a chipped tooth meant going home, I had no choice but to take a big bite out of this crime dog..pony... "Mr. Detective guy?" Frank blinked rapidly and shook his head out of the day dream, looking around, he remembered being in the hospital with Deep Throat;the poor informant suffered what most moles go though at one point or another...the hard beating after being ratted out. The stallion was lucky to be alive after what they put him though, lying in bed with body nearly all covered in casts and bandages. Frank was just busy thinking of that jerky..how chewy it was and how the horse was cooked- "Sir...?" This time it was the nurse who broke Frank out of his thoughts, he turned around and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at the white coat mare the a red cross on her flank. "The protection unit just arrived." She said, meaning it was time for him to get back to the case... "Thank you, miss, I just wanted to make sure he would be okay; guess its goes to show that men and women of the police force stick together...even if one is a horse." Frank looked around and let out a long sigh, not sure how to keep that conversation going when the mare looked at him with confusion showing. No matter what, it was that time again..time to hit the streets and take down this crime lord. Frank managed to do a little homework on the dirt the mole was able to dig up. "Babs Seed" was her name, a filly from the big city with even bigger ambitions...Frank had a name, a face and enough evidence to take down this punk... Guess Pinkie Pie held her end of the bargain... Frank blew out a sigh and turned around, the pink mare almost bouncing in place after staying still for so long. "I guess that means you're free to go, Miss. Pie, you've been a great help to the police force." Pinkie Pie tilted her head and raised a brow. "What kinda friend would I be to just leave with the job half done?!" The human raised a brow, not sure when he became friends with the hyperactive horse; still, he could have worse back-up; Pinkie Pie has proven resourceful...as long as she didn't get in the way of real police work. So after a little thought, he looked up and saw the two police-ponies walk into the room and make it known that he was no longer needed. "We need you to wrap it up, sir." One of the ponies in blue said. Frank sighed again and looked back over at the stallion in the bed, a strange deja vu coming back to him once he realized he put his hand on the bed. Something about the moment was bringing back a half memory, Frank looked over at the controls for the bed and wondered if the stallion was comfortable is such an odd position that the nurses left him in... "Sir." The pony reminded... Frank looked back and grumbled, turning around and only patting the stallion on the shoulder as he leaves. Pinkie following closely and ready to act, both of them tired of being on the defense..now was the time for an attack, now was the time for them to walk into the hornets nest and drag out the queen...now was also the time that Deep Throat's bed malfunctions and starts bashing him between the mattress, cops stumbling to stop the bed from making his already bad situation worse. _ _ "I thought I told yous to send that coppa runnin'!" Babs Seed was angry, angry at her gang for failing at such a simple task...unfortunately, she was also getting nervous. Even after eliminating the mole, this guy wouldn't quit; perhaps a more personal touch was needed to mend this situation... "I want the two jerks who failed in my office!" Babs needed a plan, something to send him packing without raising suspicion....maybe a little grease on the hoof might get him out of town... The two stallions walked into the already cramped office, Babs motioning for everyone else to take a hike. Glaring them down while she thought; she didn't like it one bit, to lose some edge and resort to paying a PI to drop his case was low. It felt like begging a cop to not throw her in jail...and she would never beg...sniveling like a filly, defeated and stuck in the big house for a long time. The thought overcame her ego and she stood up, both stallions gulping and going wide eyed. "I need yous two to do a job..." If she had to beg...she was going to do it in style. _ _ Later that day... Frank was busy all day busting high ranking members of the mob, all of them awaiting a deal to sell out the leader in return for an easy sentence; some begged, some fought...all brought down by the magic of justice...about to hit one last key member of the organization, Frank entered the fine restaurant, the stallion in a shady part of the place was his target... unaware that his affiliation to the gang was now in the open. In Frank's mind, a money weighted supporter of crime was worse than the thug hold the gun...to have the gall to fund such things but think yourself above criminal action...it made him sick the moment he saw the stallion sitting with more than his fair share of mares in a booth... "-Did you know that I practically own Equestria's leading producer of apples...right here in Ponyville!" Frank closed the rest of the distance with a confidant swagger and pulled out his badge, the mares going frozen and stallion looking annoyed... "I was hoping to have a private conversation with you, Mr.?" The mares caught the hint and scattered like flies, Frank grinning and grabbing a chair from a table to take a seat across from him. "Rich...Filthy Rich...and you are?" He said, gaining a stone cold composure. Smug bastard... "Detective Frank Drebin, police squad. I got a few questions for you..." The real police were waiting outside for the signal...all in force to take down another crime lord the moment he incriminates himself. Evidence was good, an admission of guilt was inescapable. "Ask away." He said, sitting back and smiling. "Where were you on the night your bank was "robbed"?" "At home, reading to my child to help her go to sleep." It was a practiced lie, it didn't take much investigating to find out the truth; yet to hear the Filthy Rich lie to his face...it was a little insulting. "Then why did your daughter say she sleeping over at her friends house that night?" That got his attention...Rich sat up and leaned over the table, a scowl replacing the grin slowly as he mumbled to himself. "She must be getting the nights wrong, after all...who's memory is perfect when your but a child being question by police without parental consent." Now it was his turn to grin... "I'm not with the police force here, sir. Consent was not needed, now lets try this again. Did you agree to let a gang hold up your public bank so you could steal that money?" Rich stood up now, anger getting the best of him when he slammed his hooves down on the table. "Are you accusing me of FRAUD?!" Filthy Rich was a smart man...but not a wise one...he stormed out of the booth and started for the door, Frank just stood up calmly and called back. "I can make it go away..." That stopped the pony in his tracks... "Like I said, I can send the cops in a whole new direction...away from you..." Rich turned around and glared... "Are you blackmailing me...?" Frank just smirked. "......Fine...how much do you want?" Frank cleared his throat. "About twenty years!" ......Nothing happened... Filthy Rich just looked at him...understanding slowly dawning on his face. "Erm...I said... about twenty years! Rich suddenly backed away from the door and dug in his coat, Frank cursed silently and went for his gun; all too late when the stallion had a gold magnum trained at the detective's chest. Back-up wasn't coming..for some reason or another...Frank was on his own again. Escorted out the back with a gun, no doubt on him the entire time until they reached an alley. The stallion ordered him to stop, Frank wanted to turn around; instincts told him that doing so would not be the best idea...which means that all that was left is- A hard thump of the butt of a gun across the head and Frank's world was consumed by blackness.
Chapter 4It was a few days until I worked the plan over to the commissioner, the old horse had a hard time trusting me and frankly...I blame this Pinkie Pie character...from what I learned, she was this important celebrity here. Of course if it were up to me, she'd be behind bars for the night at the least. That's how life was, though...full of surprises. I had to hope though that no more surprises were in the way of getting home. Now though that I had a solid lead, I can charge in to this rotten punks home and slap him with lady justice's dainty golden glove...a new challenge that he cant hope to run away from... Frank Drebin drank from his coffee mug again and picked though the case file for some of the known members of this gang, waiting for the commissioner's approval on the deal he had made. Only a half an hour passed and the bright pink visage of the perp bounced out of the office and over to Franks desk. "Alrighty Mr. Detective! You ready to catch the bad guys?" Pinkie said with her usual bubbly voice. Frank grimaced and got up, grabbing his gun and took a parting drink of his coffee. The daylight breaking though the blinds told Frank that it was already morning, soon hopefully, he would be on his way home by tonight. Though if this energetic mare was just telling a lie to get out of trouble...Frank might end up extending his stay. "Alright laides and gentlemen..." Frank said, setting his mug down and taking a deep breath for the speech this station needed to get everyone ready to stop this mob. "I know i'm the new guy here, but I know this station can help me take this organization down! These scum sucking piles of garbage wont get away with anymore robberies, muggings, thuggings and druggings..." Most of the ponies in the station stopped what they were doing and looked up, nothing but confusion written on their faces. A mare in blue leaned over to her friend and tried to figure out what a "thugging" was... "Today we mark the last day that the law bends for these criminals...today we go out there and fight for the safety of our families and every innocent, today we fight for freedom!!!" Pinkie Pie was behind Frank cheering, half her face painted blue and wearing an ill fitting kilt...the officers though were finally jazzed up, all of them either cheering as well or stomping the ground in a clap. Frank grinned slightly and crossed his arms, in a way...he felt at home. The commissioner had to shout to get the station to calm down...the booming voice silenced all phones and radios and made Frank turn around in confusion when he shouted.. "DREBIN!" Frank glared back but knew this was a fight he couldn't win... So instead he grabbed his coat off the chair. Pinkie leading the way out, kilt left on Drebin's desk and as Frank throws the coat on, he gave the pony a glare before saying. "I've got a case to break..." Leaving out with a confidant stride and determined pace. The commissioner sighed heavily and pulled a heavy metal flask from his coat. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking..." Frank walked the streets with pride, not bothering to give second thought to all the attention he was drawing just being a human walking in ponyville in broad daylight. Frank followed Pinkie closely as she lead him to the first hotspot, hopefully he would be able to tell the scum right away and make a solid arrest. The good thing about being a P.I. was that he didn't need to follow the rules to take down criminals; all he needed was his gut to ruin a dirtbags day... "Miss. Pie, Where is it exactly that we're going?" Frank said as he glanced down a street they were passing. "We're gonna go see my inside man..." Pinkie trotted a bit quicker into a alley, Frank following closely with his hand staying low and close to his gun... As far as moles went, this character fit the bill extremely well. A buff physic that would match a common thug mixed with a trench coat and hat to hide his identity, face shrouded in shadows but shifting eyes constantly scanning the strange human. "Yo, Pink Fuzz....who's the new..thing?" He asked, voice raspy, no doubt to hide his real voice. "It's cool, Deep Throat...the guy's a cop." The stallion glared at Pinkie and looked furious suddenly.. "I told you, not my real name! Call me The Mole!" Pinkie gasped sharply and looked around rapidly, panicking that she might've just blown her only inside mans cover.. "Oh no! We need to lay low! Find a train and, and, and..we need to get outta here!!" Pinkie shouted, leaping into the air and diving into a nearby trashcan, lid spinning as she passes and slamming shut, pink tail sticking out. Frank looked at...apparently, Deep Throat in confusion; the stallion was still worried...just not as worried as Pinkie... "So...what's the scoop on this mob?" Frank said, trying to bring the conversation to a more important topic. The stallion nodded and pulled out a file from the trench coat, Frank took it eagerly and began flipping though pictures of what appeared to be an orange mare..well younger than average but with out a doubt a mare. "What's this?" Frank asked, shutting the file quickly. "She don't look it, I know...but that right there is the meanest little filly i've ever seen...puts fear into a grown stallions soul, man...that right there is the boss." Frank was shocked a bit...he didn't think that someone so young would be behind this, yet he understood that the nature of his job would mean constant surprises; frankly this whole time has been surprise after surprise. Frank was about to shake the stallions hand and say goodbye when a gruff voice cleared his throat behind Frank... "Secuse me, sir...I believe you are lost." Frank turned around and glared down, three imposing stallions wearing old looking scraps of clothes and one obviously showing the butt of a revolver in his jacket, deterring Frank from fighting or fleeing... "Maybe you should go back to your town, this one's in good hooves..." Frank stuffed the file in his coat, glancing back and rolling his eyes when he realized Deep Throat was gone. The pink tail was still sticking out of the trashcan...Frank was on his own apparently. "And if I don't, punk?" He retorted. The stallion with the revolver pulled out the silver peace in one motion and fired three shots just past Frank and into the trashcan, Frank's eyes widened and it took every bit of his will to resist pulling out his own gun... The three laughed at what they assumed was shock with fear, turning around and walking back to their own business. Frank growled under his breath and looked over at the trashcan, it was a shame to see such outright violation of the law go unpunished, yet with all the cards stacked against him..there was only so much that one human could do. "Jeeze...can you believe the nerve of those guys?" Frank turned back at the trashcan, Pinkie Pie was walking up the alley. Perfectly fine and even stuffing the rest of a cupcake in her cheeks. Had it been a fellow officer, Frank would've shot Pinkie herself for pulling one over his head like that..Still, he felt some odd connection with her...like she was just easy to be friends with...so of course he was angry when she did show up unharmed. Pinkie gave Frank an odd look seeing as he was silent for so long. "You okay, Mr. Detective?" She asked quickly. Frank resumed his normal scowl and turned around, striding out and back into the normal streets. It didn't matter, he had his target and now he had a bigger motive than going home. This was an insult...a scare tactic by a cornered criminal, now all it took was a little pressure here and there; soon this boss would show her face, and Drebin would be there to to give her a new set of silver cuffs... "Miss. Pie...how would I use handcuffs on horses?" Author's Note WOOOOH, I finally banged out another chapter with(what I thought was) pretty tasty humor! That's why i'm excited to finally upload it! So I hope you enjoy, and expect more regular uploads
