TCB: Yellowstone: The Series

Chapters

Episode 1: Heads Up Part 1
Episode 1: Heads Up Part 2
Episode 2: Down the Drain
Minisode: From the Other Side
Episode 3: Creepy Crawling
Episode 4: Dead Beat
Minisode: Staying Tuned
Bonus Minisode: Snake Charmer
Episode 5: King of the Hill
Episode 1: Heads Up Part 3

Episode 1: Heads Up Part 1

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi(It’s a working title)

Episode: Pilot
Heads Up! Part 1
____________________________________________________________________________

For ages, Equestria has existed separate from the rest of the world, protected by a magical barrier that kept it from being seen, touched, or reached by humans and their machines. But five years ago, the ponies of Equestria landed on the shores of human lands, and claimed to be there to save the earth, and humanity, from pollution, hate, and greed. To do this, the top human scientists and pony magicians created a potion to turn humans into ponies in places called, Conversion Bureaus. Within two years of its release, more than half the total human populace on Earth has converted. The balance of the world has been forever altered, as the remaining human nations form new governments for those that remain.

It has been two months since Twilight Sparkle returned from an expedition that took her deep into the western frontier. She and two human agents had escorted the first pony settlers into the abandoned human territories, and returned with a new understanding of the humans she had been for so long considered to be savage and brutal. She understood why so many humans wanted to be changed, but also why some needed to stay as they were. Because there was evil in the human world, and someone needed to stand up to it.

____________________________________________________________________________

Twilight Sparkle looked at the digital clock that came with her office at the New York Conversion Bureau with weary eyes. It was two-thirty in the morning and she was neck deep in paper work. As administrator, it was her job to oversee everything that happened in this facility, from ponifications to the lunch menus. A job she fully enjoyed doing a month ago, but now made her bored out of her skull.

Nearly two months had passed since she went to Yellowstone with the two human agents, Hawk and Zorro. Despite the bloodshed and death she had seen on this excursion, it had reminded Twilight of the days she had spent back in Ponyville, going on adventures with her friends. For two months she had been longing to get out of this office, and had asked Princess Celestia several times if her and her friends could be rotated back to Equestria, where maybe something exciting could happen.

For two months the Princess had said, “My dear Twilight Sparkle, you are head of the largest Bureau in the world, and only you can run it. As long as there is need of you here, I’m afraid that I must refuse your request.” Twilight had no choice but to accept her Princess’s decision. Celestia was a princess after all.

Twilight sighed through her nose and got out of her seat. She decided to handle this mess tomorrow. Using her magic, she turned off her new computer and then moved to the door. “I can’t believe I actually miss all that violence. I should be happy that the Princess trusts only me with this position. How many other unicorns can say that?” Twilight said quietly, trying desperately to convince herself that being here was better than being out in some desert with two crazy humans getting shot at or chased by wild dogs.

She moved into the darkened hallway that led from the offices to the main lobby, past the dormitories. Looking down the dormitory hallway, she let out another exasperated sigh. “More converts looking for a better life. Where oh where are we going to put them all?” She continued her walk to the lobby, exhaustion weighing heavy on her shoulders.

In the months since escorting a family of earth ponies to Yellowstone, many more pony families had been sent to the humans’ western territories, all of them making it there with no real problems other than the occasional attack from wild animals.

Twilight entered the main lobby, noting the receptionist, “Derpy” Ditzy Doo, sleeping behind her desk with her daughter Dinky wrapped up in pillows and blankets. Twilight gave a smile as she walked past the snoozing pair. There were plenty off rooms available, but the Bureau’s policy of never locking its doors had made the wall-eyed pegasus insist of keeping watch over the lobby. That kind of devotion was what Twilight liked about Ditzy. It reminded her of Hawk.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a faint screeching that came from outside, and it was getting louder by the second. Twilight dashed to the main doors with a confused look. She scanned the ground in front of the Bureau, seeing nothing but street lamps and long abandoned cars. The screeching was still getting louder, and seemed to be coming from above. Looking up Twilight saw what seemed to be a multicolored star coming right at her. It glowed with a familiar white light that made the unicorn’s eyes gleam with wonder.

Moments later, Princess Celestia made a hard landing on the asphalt parking lot, shaking the very ground. She looked as divine as ever, not a single sign that she was tired from her flight or that even a single hair of her wondrous mane was out of place. Several car alarms were blaring, but the Princess seemed too focused to care. Twilight stood dumbfounded, stuck in place behind the glass doors to the Bureau, weariness now completely forgotten.

Celestia moved to the doors with a purpose and opened them with a small flash of magic. “Twilight, my dearest pupil,” she said as she strode through the doorway, her voice sounding somewhat distressed, “there is a matter of great importance we must discuss.”

The Princess’s tone snapped Twilight out of her awestruck state. The small unicorn’s expression became one of concern as she nodded her compliance and stepped aside to let the majestic alicorn pass. As Celestia walked in, Twilight worriedly stated, “Of course Princess, we can use one of the empty lounges to-”

Celestia cut her off with a curt “Thank you,” and walked briskly towards the lounges, glancing for a moment towards the pair of curious faces peeking out from behind the desk. Twilight hung her head low, trying to think of what could be bothering Princess Celestia so.
The young mare followed her teacher, whose glimmering white body seemed to illuminate the dark hallways of the Bureau with a soft comforting glow, until at last they reached a comfortable looking lounge. The Princess went to the center of the room and sat down on her haunches, looking at Twilight with a mix of worry and determination.

“Princess,” started Twilight, closing the door behind her, “What’s going on? Has something happened?”

Celestia took in a deep breath and exhaled, preparing herself to deliver dire news. “Twilight, do you remember the day you saved my sister?”

Twilight nodded, “Yes, of course I do. It was my first day in Ponyville where I met my friends. I could never forget that.”

“Of course...of course. I am still grateful to you and your friends for rescuing my sister, but there may have been consequences from that day that neither of us could have seen.” She paused, gesturing for Twilight to sit down, who promptly hopped onto the closest couch. “When Nightmare Moon escaped from her lunar prison, I was not able to reinforce the barrier that kept Equestria separate from the rest of the world, as I have done for every Summer Sun Celebration, save for that one. The human President has informed me, that a small breach formed in the barrier that day, which allowed the pollution of the human lands to seep into Equestria…” Celestia lowered her head to the side, as if ashamed, “…and the magic of Equestria to seep out.”

Twilight blinked and repeated her mentor’s words in her head, trying to digest what this might mean. She gave a thoughtful smile to her divine teacher, “But isn’t that a good thing? Now we can share the magic that made Equestria prosperous with the humans and save the planet all the faster!”

Celestia returned her student’s smile with a shake of her head, “If only that were the case Twilight.” Standing up with a sorrowful expression, the Princess moved to Twilight and nuzzled the side of her student’s head. “Magic is fickle Twilight. Where it brings us prosperity and peace in Equestria, here in the human lands, it is wild and untamed. It is altering the natural order of their world, and making their very nightmares come to life.”

Twilight didn’t know how to take that last bit of information. Humans could be nightmares in and of themselves, and it frightened the young mare as to what humans would consider scary. Taking a gulp, Twilight returned the Princess’s tender nuzzle with one of her own, and weakly asked, “So this is our fault?”

“No Twilight,” the Princess responded quickly, her eyes starting to water, “No. It’s my fault. It’s my fault for what I did to my sister all those years ago, and now innocent lives are paying for my mistake.”

“Princess…” Twilight was trying to think of something to say to comfort the mare she had idolized since she was a filly, “…is there nothing we can do?”

At this, Celestia’s face brightened with a determined look, “Yes Twilight. The human President has already enacted a plan to combat this threat. He has assembled a team of his top agents to keep both humans and equestrians safe from harm.”

‘Top agents?’ thought Twilight, ‘Well, if Hawk and Zorro are on this team, then everything should be fine! They are the best after all!’ Her worried face melted into a calm smile, feeling sure that things were fine in the capable hands of the two agents who had protected her on her journey westward.

Noting Twilight’s smile, Celestia felt a twinge of guilt as she came to the point of her visit, “And you are going to be on that team Twilight, along with the other elements of harmony.”

Twilight’s smile disappeared in an instant when she heard those words. “What?” was all she could say to the Princess’s last order.

Celestia locked eyes with Twilight, an urgent tone fueling her voice, “You and your friends are going to help the humans fight back this tide of nightmares and protect both man and pony from harm.”

“But…” Twilight started, “…surely there are more qualified ponies to do this! Why us? We’re not soldiers!”

“Yes, I know Twilight,” Celestia said, giving the unicorn a pleading look, “but within you and your friends lies the power of the Elements of Harmony. You six wield the light that banished the dark magic of Nightmare Moon and restored my sister to her true form. You vanquished the chaos of Discord and brought peace back to all of Equestria. It has to be the six of you.”

Twilight was silent. There was a lot to consider here after all. This sounded extremely dangerous, and Twilight wasn’t prepared to lose even one of her friends. ‘Hawk will be there. He’ll protect us. Zorro too, and hay, probably Megan. What’s to worry about?’ Twilight had wanted to catch up with her old human guardian again, and her friends would be fine with it. Probably.

Twilight gave a resolute stare, and with as authoritative a voice she could muster said, “You can count on us Princess.”

With tears streaming from her eyes, and a large smile across her face, Celestia gave her student the biggest, warmest, and strongest hug Twilight had ever received from the Princess. “Thank you Twilight, I knew I could count on you. But please be safe. Please please please come back safe. I couldn’t bear to lose you.” Twilight felt awkward. Celestia never revealed this level of emotion around…anyone really. After a few more moments in the Princess’s warm, maternal embrace, Twilight’s weariness caught up with her and she fell asleep.

Celestia dearly wished to stay with her student, the closest thing she had had to a daughter of her own, but she remembered her duty. Placing Twilight in a comfortable spot on the couch, Celestia turned and left with a sigh. Leaving the lounge area, she moved back into the lobby, where a small crowd of human and pony residents stood in confusion and awe. Celestia ignored the murmurs and quiet questions the crowd made as she passed, and moved into the front parking lot.

The Princess gave a long glance back into the Bureau’s dark interior, and with only a sorry look, she flew out into the night.

* * *

In the morning, Twilight had assembled her friends in the front lobby. She told them exactly what Celestia had told her only hours before, and they had all spent the next hour preparing for what very well could be an extremely deadly jaunt out into human territory.

“Okay,” began Rainbow Dash, trying to take in what Twilight had just told her, “Explain this to me again. Why do we need to help? We’re just ponies! Aren’t humans good enough at killing each other that they don’t need us in a fight?”

Twilight gave her friend a flat look as she paced around the front lobby, “Because Dash, we ponies are the reason these new monsters are running loose. And in order to set things right, they might need the help of the Elements of Harmony.”

Applejack gave a small sigh “Well ah’m not one ta’ turn down some pony in need, but this sounds a might bit dangerous. An’ ah don’t know ‘bout the rest of y’all, but me and Rarity have family to consider. Are you sure these humans are as good as you say Twilight?” The farmer pony only faintly remembered the two human agents from the party two months ago, and thought the woman Megan, who she had had spent much time with over those months, didn’t seem the sort for violence.

Giving a nod and a smile to Applejack, Twilight confidently stated, “Yes I am Applejack. They are the best agents in the human president’s roster! I’m sure we’ll be absolutely fine.”

“Ooh!” exclaimed Rarity as inspiration struck her, “If we’re all on a team, I can design uniforms!” She began listing through possible designs and ideas as Megan entered the lobby with a rifle across her back and a rucksack slung over her shoulder. She wore her standard orange shirt with leather vest, and blue jeans with cowboy boots combo, with a red bow in her blond hair tying off a ponytail.

“Knowing those two, they wouldn’t wear them for more than an hour before they got wrecked Ms. Rarity,” said Megan, knowing all too well the recklessness of her past partners. Rarity gave a harrumph, but kept adding to a mental list of possible design choices.

The thrumming of helicopter blades could be heard, and everyone began to tense up, except Pinkie Pie, who started to bounce around with anticipation. Twilight however, had a slew of feelings churning in her stomach. There was worry about the whole mission and possibility of death, but there was also the excitement of seeing the two humans she owed her life to again.
Twilight looked at her friends, Rainbow, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Megan. Save for the woman, her friends had never been to the human lands, and even though Twilight had made it very clear to them that it was extremely dangerous, none of her friends even considered refusing to help. As the helicopter came into view, thoughts of her last venture out into the human world began to resurface in Twilight’s mind. Images of dark whirlwinds, dead dogs, and vile humans all flashed before her eyes.

“Heeeeeree it coooooomes!” called Pinkie.

In the parking lot, a large black helicopter began landing, sending wind and noise everywhere, until it touched down with its back facing the Bureau doors. A loading ramp lowered revealing the interior of the vehicle and three humans.

First out was the one called Zorro. He was a tanned man with smooth black hair and a well groomed moustache. He began walking down the loading ramp with a wide and charming smile. He wore only black, not in a way that seemed intimidating, but more stylish and loose. At his side hung a sword that Twilight remembered as both a graceful and deadly weapon.

Next to him walked a human Twilight had not seen before. He was shorter than Zorro, and looked much younger. He wore army-camo pants tucked into shiny black boots. Over his striped black and white t-shit, he wore a camouflage over shirt with the sleeves rolled up above his elbows. He had what appeared to be small axes attached to a belt on his waist, and a much larger axe strapped across his back.

On the opposite side of Zorro walked Hawk, a figure Twilight was all too familiar with. He had a long brown duster coat with matching wide brim hat. Under that he had a buttoned up flannel shirt and blue jeans, which covered his hard leather boots. At his hip were a familiar revolver and bowie knife.

It was Twilight who dashed out of the doors first, unable to hold back any longer, “HAWK! ZORRO!” she called with the utmost joy.

Zorro’s sultry voice returned her call, “My niña! It has been far too long!” He bent down and gave the unicorn a big hug. Twilight noted that he smelled like lilacs and mint, a not at all displeasing scent.

After being released from the hug Twilight looked to Hawk, who knelt down and looked at her in the eyes, “Hey Sprinkles, how’s your two months of R&R been? You haven’t been pushing too many pencils have you?”

“All I do is push pencils all day long, and I’ve gotten quite good at it,” giggled Twilight.

The two men gave a chortle, as Hawk stood up and gestured to the unknown human, “Anyway, this here is Dimitri. He’s going to be lending his guns and axes to the team.”

Twilight gave a small bow to Dimitri, who returned with a pleasant, “Здравствуйте Небольшое Пони.” The unicorn furrowed her brow and gazed up at Dimitri, who just beamed a friendly smile at her. Twilight turned to Hawk, a confused look across her face.

Hawk sighed, “That’s Russian for hello.”

By now, the others had caught up to Twilight, and Megan was already walking up the ramp, followed closely by Applejack. Hawk looked over the other ponies present, seeming to recall a few of them. “I’m going to guess you all know why you’re here, so I’ll skip that part and get right to the briefing.” All the ponies gave him their complete attention and leaned forward expectantly.

“We are going to a town called Sleepy Hollow to combat the Headless Horseman, an undead creatu-”

“A ‘Headless’ horse man?” interrupted Dash, “What’s so scary about that? It’s not like he can see us right? I mean it doesn’t have a head!”

Zorro piped in, “That didn’t stop him from decapitating two ponified tourists and a lost hiker, and then taking their heads back to his lair.” The ponies exchanged queasy glances, as Rarity rubbed a hoof on her neck. Dash looked very interested however.

Hawk continued, “Let’s hope we can avoid getting the same treatment. According to our information, the Horseman only rides at night, so we’ll spend today in transit and preparation for taking him down. Let’s get to it.” Hawk put a hand on Zorro’s shoulder, “Alright Z, you and Dimitri show the wee horses to their stables and get them strapped in.”

Zorro gave a smirk and nodded, “Alright, come on my little ponies, walk up the ramp and me and Dimitri will get you all settled.”

“Did he just call us horses?” asked Rarity as she passed by Twilight, to which the violet unicorn could only roll her eyes and nod. Rarity continued up the ramp with a face of mild annoyance. Twilight walked into the cargo hold of the helicopter and found that there had been modifications to it since last time she rode in it. The straps and seats now made it easier to accommodate ponies, a fact that Twilight found somewhat flattering, and there seemed to be a bit more space to walk around..

Hawk walked to the cockpit of vehicle, said a few quick words to whoever the pilot was, and then took the seat next to Twilight. “Here we go again,” he said smiling at Twilight.

“Yeah,” replied Twilight, sounding a little nervous, “except this time you’re up against headless swordsmen.”

“We are,” corrected Hawk, “and we are going to be just fine. It’s just that we’ll have to think a bit more on how to kill stuff, but that’s why we got a smart pony like you.”

Twilight couldn’t help but blush at the complement before the Helicopter took off with six ponies and five humans, lifting into the clear blue sky.

Continued in Heads Up! Part 2
Oh those crazy Pilot episodes,
]Always being two parts
Hopefully any future episodes will be one
Until we get to Dracula of course.

Episode 1: Heads Up Part 2

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi(You are now reading this as Morgan Freeman)

Episode 2 : Heads Up!
Part 2

The thrumming of helicopter blades was rhythmic, calming, and combined with her research, Twilight almost fell asleep. ‘Well the seat isn’t the comfiest in the world, but if I need a pillow, Hawk’s lap is right there,’ she mused to herself. Realizing what she just thought, she shook her head until the thought was gone. Twilight didn’t want to get too comfortable around Hawk. He was a human agent after all, and had made a living off killing other humans.

“You alright Twilight?” Hawk asked as the unicorn finished shaking her head.

“What? Oh! N-no I’m fine. It’s just the noise this thing makes is kinda hypnotic is all.” Twilight gave a quick smile before burying her nose into the book she was reading, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow." If she and her friends were going to fight this monster, it would help knowing where it came from. Fortunately she was almost done with the rather odd story.

Hawk rolled his eyes, noticing a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane was watching him. Intently. After an awkward staring contest, with neither of them blinking, the winged pony finally spoke, “So. Agent Hawk. Remember me?”

Hawk scanned his memory and drew up a blank. One would think he would remember a pony that looked like this. “Uhhhhh…” he started, unsure what to say.

She frowned, “Rainbow Dash? We met at Twilight’s homecoming party two months ago when you brought her back? I won the Best Young Fliers Competition?” Hawk gave a weak shrug. Rainbow Dash threw her hooves into the air, “Oh come on! I remembered, like, everything about you!”

Twilight stifled a giggle at the exchange, as Hawk continued to not remember her spectrum colored friend. Finally Rainbow gave a shrug of her own and smiled at the human, “Whatever. I guess I just get to tell you all about it again!” Hawk took a deep breath and sighed through his nose.

Twilight finished reading, and closed the book. She shut her eyes and began to sift through what she had just read. The book itself revolved around the legend of a human warrior that had his head blown off by a cannon, and would ride to the site of the battle in search of his head, taking anyone else's along the way. The troubling thing about the story was that the characters in the book never defeated the horseman. In fact, the ghost only showed up on the last page, as some comeuppance for the book’s villain.

Twilight looked around the helicopter’s cargo bay. Rainbow Dash was in the middle of telling Hawk another story that revolved around her. Twilight saw Hawk’s thousand yard stare and gave a smirk.

She looked beyond and saw Zorro chatting it up and laughing with Rarity, Dimitri, and Pinkie Pie. All of them seemed to be having fun, and Rarity seemed very susceptible to the human’s compliments and smooth talking.

Applejack was unsurprisingly leaning against Megan as the two talked quietly about something Twilight couldn’t hear. Those two had become almost inseparable during the last two months. It was like they already knew each other or something, but Twilight didn’t like to think there was anything odd about it. A friend is a friend after all.

A woman’s voiced blared over the intercom interrupting the other conversations, “Okay ladies, we’ll be touching down in five or so minutes. I think there’s a good landing zone where we can set up camp near enough to the target location. I’ve signaled our contact to meet us there.”

The humans all stood up, Hawk wearing a rather relieved expression, and began making sure all cargo and ponies were safely strapped in. From what Twilight knew, landing could be a little rough. Hawk went over to Twilight first and asked, “So Twilight, did your research provide anything?”

Twilight noticed how gentle he was being when he tightened the straps. Or was she just imagining it? Blinking the strange thoughts to the back of her mind, she composed herself and replied, “Only that the horseman is a ghost, and according to other human and equestrian texts, ghosts can’t be killed.”

“True,” responded Hawk tightening the last strap and giving Twilight a soft pat on her side, “but we humans have ways of dispelling them.” He looked off to the side, “Well, allegedly anyway. We never really had a chance to see if they work before.” He stood and went off to help Dash with her straps.

‘It seems humans have a way to kill anything. Even if it's already dead,’ mused Twilight, letting the residual feeling of Hawk’s hand sink into her skin.

The helicopter touched down about fifty meters from the tree line of the New York State Woodland Preserve. The loading bay doors opened on the transport, and the eleven passengers disembarked, Hawk leading the way.

Immediately taking to the air, Rainbow Dash began to circle their landing zone with a pleased expression. “Feels good to stretch the wings after a long ride, right Fluttershy?”

“Um…yeah,” replied the meek yellow pegasus as she stretched out her legs and gave a dainty little yawn.

Zorro came down the ramp carrying both his and Rarity’s luggage. Rarity seemed rather taken with the gesture, as her hunt for the perfect stallion hadn’t gotten far. “You are such a gentlecolt Zorro!” she said before blushing, “I mean gentleman of course! Oh how silly of me!” Zorro chuckled and gave Rarity a suave smile, turning her to a deeper shade of red.

Once everyone was out of the helicopter’s cargo bay, Hawk turned to them all with a stern look, “OK, here’s where we are setting up base camp. I’m going to need Dimitri, Megan, Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack to help me unload supplies and set up shop.” Those he selected nodded and moved back into the bay to extract the needed materials. “Fluttershy, and…uhhh…Rainbow! Right, you two are going to go scout the area. If you see anyone else here come tell me, or if anything odd catches your eye. It might be important so come tell me.”

Dash rolled her eyes, “Right, like hunting headless ghosts in human lands isn’t odd enough.” Both pegasi flew off together as Hawk moved to go help unload, but he found himself blocked by Twilight.

“What can I do?” she asked, eager to be of some help.

Hawk pointed at the pilot of the helicopter, who was currently extracting herself from the cockpit, “You are going to go with Captain Barnes to meet our contact and see what he knows.”

The pilot reached Twilight as Hawk disappeared into the cargo bay. She had unzipped her dark green jumpsuit on the way over revealing a gray Air Force tank-top. She wore large sunglasses that covered her eyes, and at her hip was a pistol with the markings ‘Colt Combat Commander’ on its side. The sandy blond haired woman walked past Twilight with a curt, “Come on, our guy is already waiting.”

Twilight got the feeling that Captain Barnes wasn’t going to be as friendly as other humans she had come to know. But regardless, she followed the woman closely. ‘Who knows?’ thought Twilight, ‘maybe she’s just acting tough for her first impression?’

When the pair reached the tree line, Barnes stopped without a word or warning, and Twilight was barely able to stop herself from bumping into her. Twilight peered out from behind Barnes, seeing the cause for the sudden halt. A stocky man, wearing the apparently ever popular open over-shirt, t-shirt, jeans with wide brim hat combo, stood in their path. He had a long shovel lying across his shoulders.

“Mr. Keller?” asked Barnes.

“Aye,” he replied, his eyes darting between Barnes and Twilight.

Barnes walked up to him and extended her hand, “We’re with the Agency. Tell us what you know.” Twilight noticed a certain coldness in the woman’s voice that put the little unicorn at unease. With a nod Mr. Keller gestured to two tree stumps and bid Twilight and Barnes to sit. Then he started to tell them about the horseman.

***

It was a short time until nightfall, and Twilight and her friends were growing restless. Hawk and the others had set up base camp, which consisted of a series of tables, generators, computers, radios, and a black tarp as a canopy above them. Going by the information Mr. Keller had provided, the team had laid, to quote Hawk, “Anti-Ghost” traps along the horseman’s route. All that was left to do was wait.

“Can we please do something?” moaned Rainbow as she tossed and turned on the ground at Hawk’s feet, bored out of her skull. “I can go scout again! I just need to do something!”

Hawk didn’t even look up from his revolver maintenance, “Can you see in the dark?”

“No, but I don’t need to. There’s a full moon out tonight, and it’ll be plenty bright!”

At this, he gave out a sigh, “Fine. Go then. We’ll put up a spot light so you can find your way back. If you see the horseman, come and tell us.”

Dash flared out her wings, “Awesome.” She took off at ludicrous speeds that nearly took the man’s hat off. Hawk just gave a bit of a chuckle.

As he finished his gun maintenance he stood up and loaded cold iron bullets into the chambers, closing it with a spin. “Okay, it’s about time to get into positions!” he called to the rest, who were all doing something to pass the time. Without hesitation, the other humans and the remaining ponies got up from their tasks and stood at attention.

“Right,” started Hawk, “According to Mr. Keller, the horseman starts his journey riding through the town proper, then he takes the western road through the forest to the site of the battle, where he then wanders looking for his head. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Dimitri, you three are taking the first position in the town church. Rarity, Applejack, and Megan, you’ll be taking the west road in the forest. Myself, Zorro, and Twilight will be at the alleged site of the battle if the horseman gets past the traps. Barnes will stay here with Rainbow Dash and keep us informed of what’s going on. Everyone clear on their jobs?”

Those assembled either saluted or gave a cheer.

“Good, then let’s get to it.”

The distant voice of Rainbow Dash was then heard by all of them as she flew closer with blinding speed. “Hawk! HAAAWK! We have a big problem!” She made a hard landing, but managed to give a salute with her forehoof, “There’s a crummy looking bus in the town and a bunch of humans and ponies are moving into the inn!”

Hawk furrowed his brow. “Dimitri,” he said, “When you get to town, convince those people to leave immediately. If they won’t go, knock out the guy in charge and move the civilians into the church. They should be safe there.” With that Hawk holstered his revolver, “We don’t time to waste agents. Let’s get a move on.”

Everyone gave a salute and started either jogging or trotting off to their positions. Rainbow Dash tried to bolt after Hawk, but found her tail caught by Barnes. “You’re with me kid,” she said, her tone calm and authoritative. Dash gave out a disappointed moan.

***

“And they did the mash! They did the monster mash!” sang Pinkie Pie as she bounded through the forest.

“The monster mash! It vas a graveyard smash!” Dimitri sang the next part from her left.

“The…um…monster mash! It…it caught on in a flash!” Fluttershy squeaked out from behind the other two. It was in a tone that implied she was trying to enjoy herself, but she was just a bit distracted by the dark and foreboding forest and the possibility of her or her friends being decapitated tonight.

Pinkie started giggling like a school filly at Fluttershy’s attempt, which caused her to snort that made Dimitri burst out laughing. The meek pegasus blushed before suddenly coming to a halt. The trio had arrived at the town. The buildings of the town were more than run-down, and just looking at them gave Fluttershy chills. It didn’t help that nothing seemed to grow near the edge of the town. No trees, flowers, or even grass. To add to the uncomfortable atmosphere, not a single bird or cricket could be heard, a fact that greatly disturbed the timid pegasus.

On the main street of the town, parked in front of a very large building, was the undeniably crummy looking bus Rainbow Dash had described. Its paint was either dirty or rusting off, and on top of it all, there was a billboard on the side that read:

“Davey Newman’s Headless Horseman Tours!
Meet the ghostly menace!
100% SAFE! Only $25 per customer!
No Refunds.”

“Сукин сын,” Dimitri grumbled. “Let us get this over with.”

Pinkie bounced next to him, “Hey Dimitri!” she giggled, “What were those funny words you just said?”

“Nothing you need to know.” Dimitri wiped the smile off of his face and unlatched one of his tomahawks. “Come, let us conwerse vith the head of this group.”

Pinkie and Fluttershy exchanged glances. Pinkie’s face had an optimistic smile on it that could melt the frown off a sour puss in ten seconds flat. Fluttershy had a face of concern however, as she was worried things would get violent.

There was a large group of tourists, both humans and ponies, most milling around the entrance of the inn while others extracting their luggage from the bus. The man in charge, Davey Newman probably, was not hard to spot, as he was the one with the megaphone. He was short, pudgy without being grotesquely round, had a large bald spot on his head, and just kind of looked like a sleaze. His Hawaiian shirt was bright green with pink flowers, and Pinkie Pie would have loved it, were it not for the dark stains under the man’s armpits that looked like they had been there a while.

“OKAY FOLKS! RIGHT THIS WAY! WELCOME TO SLEEPY HOLLOW! TOLD YOU WE’D GET HERE DIDN’T I? AND AIN’T IT A LOVELY LITTLE BURG?” Davey walked to the door of the inn and tried to open it, but found it stuck. “Heh, just a little misunderstanding ‘tween me an’ the door folks! Don’t you worry none!” He rammed the door with his shoulder, dislodging it from its hinges and sending it loudly crashing to the floor of the inn. “Oh…uhhh…I’ll fix that right up while all of you get comfy! COME ONE COME ALL! LET’S GET READY TO SEE THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN!”

By now, Dimitri had moved through the crowd and had gotten close to Mr. Newman. With barely any effort he seized the megaphone from the sleazy man. Without hesitation Dimitri spoke into it, “THERE IS BEING A CHANGE OF PLANS. EWERYONE GET BACK ONTO THE WEHICLE. THIS AREA IS OFF-LIMITS TO CIWILLIANS BY ORDER OF THE PRESIDENT.”

There was a bit of an outcry from the crowd, and Davey grabbed the megaphone from Dimitri, who only released it because he didn’t need it anymore. “Hey! Who the hell do you think you are!”

With a curt bow, Dimitri faced Mr. Newman, “I am Dimitri Augustus Romanov the IV, Agent for the President of the United States, and you Mr. Newman,” Dimitri towered over the man, “Have exactly three minutes to get these people as far avay from here as possible.”

Davey regarded Dimitri with scorn, “I don’t care who you are comrade cock-sucker! These people paid me good money to see the Headless Horseman up close and I’m gonna give it to them!”

Many of the ponies in the group, and some of the humans, scrunched up their faces at Mr. Newman’s outburst, but the majority of the ponies, including Pinkie and Fluttershy’s, looked rather confused. Dimitri however, glared into the man’s eyes, growling, “Вы - глупое, грязный, жирный, побочный, и если Вы будете говорить это снова, то я убью Вас.” Nobody knew what he just said, but it did not sound friendly.

Seeing violence on the horizon, Fluttershy flew in between the two men, quietly clearing her throat, “Um, excuse me Mr. Newman?”

Davey looked at her, his glare still stuck on his face, “Yeah what do you want?”

His harsh tone made Fluttershy flinch, but she continued, “C-could you please go? I-it’s just that, I mean…it isn’t safe.” She gave Mr. Newman one of her pleading looks, her large sweet eyes glistening with could easily turn into tears.

Mr. Newman gave her and Dimitri a sneer, “Like hell it isn’t! The guy doesn’t have a head! He can’t see, hear, smell, or even taste us for Christ’s sakes. All me and these good people are going to do is stand in this here hotel, take some pictures as he rides by, and then get some shut eye. As the sign says, one hundred percent safe!”

“Yeah, and a hundred and one percent dumb!” Pinkie called back. “He’s got Ghost Sight silly head!”

Everyone turned to face the pink pony, who wore a stern look on her face. Fluttershy knew she only wore this particular expression when the pink pony meant business. Mr. Newman shot her a scowl however, saying, “What did you just say you little-!”

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by the painfully loud whinny of a horse. All heads turned and looked down the dark road. An eerie red light glowed from what seemed to be nothing, and from the very air around the glow came a circular portal made of fire. From the portal galloped a frightening black stallion, with eyes that glowed like hot coals. On its back rode what appeared to be a man, wearing a leather and cloth cuirass engraved with the emblem of a Hessian commander, wielding a large sword above him. His clothes were as warped and terrible as his horse and behind him flowed a dark and tattered cape. The only thing he was missing was a head.

But fortunately for him, there was a whole busload of heads right there, so he dug his spurs into the sides of his cursed steed, and charged the crowd.

Continued in Heads Up! Part 3!
I know I promised action in this part,
but I didn’t have enough disposable characters.
Oh hey look! A whole bus of nameless people!
I promise that in the next part, Heads Will Roll!

Episode 2: Down the Drain

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi(Bringing you more errors than ever before)

Episode: 2
Down the Drain

____________________________________________________________________________

For ages, Equestria has existed separate from the rest of the world, protected by a magical barrier that prevented it from being seen, touched, or reached by humans and their machines. But five years ago, the ponies of Equestria landed on the shores of human lands claiming to be there to save the earth and humanity from pollution, hate, and greed. To do this, the top human scientists and pony magicians created a potion to turn humans into ponies in places called, Conversion Bureaus. Within two years of its release, more than half the total human populace on Earth has converted. The balance of the world has been forever altered, as the remaining human nations form new governments for those humans that remain.

Twilight Sparkle and her companions have just now returned from doing battle with the Headless Horseman. With the help of the human task force under the command of Agent Hawk, the grisly phantom was able to be destroyed. But not all ponies escaped unscarred, as Pinkie Pie witnessed the deaths of many innocent ponies and humans at the hands of the Horseman, and even now grapples with the awful images trapped in her mind...

Having returned to her Conversion Bureau, Twilight was met by not only Princess Celestia herself, but also the human president: Joseph McCullough. Both rulers bore information of the group’s future purpose. After moving to one of the many lounges in the Bureau, the ponies and humans prepare for whatever news the two powerful leaders have to offer…
____________________________________________________________________________

As excited as Twilight was to finally be back in a place not infested with ghostly murderers, as well as to be in the presence of her monarch and mentor, she wanted nothing more than to find a bed and collapse into it. The rather comfy couch on which she, and her five friends, now sat was already lulling the young mare into a sleepy haze. From what she could see with her blurred vision, Hawk and the other humans were all sitting on the couch opposite her friends, with Celestia and the human leader standing between both parties.

Twilight noted everyone looked a bit worse for wear. As far as her friends were concerned, Rarity had tree sap all over her rump, Pinkie looked deflated, Applejack was still pulling twigs out of her mane with help from Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy was just looking tired. But thankfully no pony was hurt. At least no pony she knew.

Celestia’s melodious voice wasn’t helping Twilight stay awake either. “As you know my dear little ponies,” came her mentor’s soothing and motherly voice, “the human world is a harsh and dangerous place for us Equestrians.”

‘But not for humans,’ Twilight thought, absent mindedly looking at Agent Hawk. ‘They were doing fine before we got here.’

“But now, things have escalated. Magic has leaked out from our homeland and has given birth to abominations against life itself.”

Twilight rested her head on the arm rest of the couch, still drearily looking at the human in the long brown leather coat and wide brim hat. ‘Well, except for the whole greed and economic depression and pollution thing. But they certainly weren’t in danger from animals, or ghosts.’

“As such, you all will be helping President Joseph’s team to fend off any threat to the ponies and humans that inhabit these lands until the magical energies that run rampant throughout the world subside.”

‘After all, just look at those hands! They’re like, the best tool in the world!’ Twilight raised her front hooves to her face, ‘Hands certainly would make picking things up easier, especially if I didn’t have my magic.’

“What this means Miss Applejack, is that the human agents will be staying here with you at the Bureau, in an effort to breed trust and a feeling of camaraderie. As of now, you are all in the Elite Equestrian Guard.”

Twilight’s half awake gaze once again fell on Hawk, who seemed to be looking at her now, ‘What would a pony with hands even look like? Maybe there’s a spell I could use to…’

“Twilight?”

Twilight closed her eyes and tried to imagine what a pony would look like with hands. It was silly enough to elicit a giggle, ‘That looks ridiculous, I might as well just make a spell to turn me human. Oh Celestia, what would I look like as a human?’

Rarity nudged Twilight in the ribs and whispered into her ear, “Twilight! The Princess is talking to you!”

Pain from her ribs snapping her back to reality, Twilight sat straight up. “W-w-Yes Princess! I’m here, and awake, and I’ve been listening!” She gave a wide smile, hoping that it would hide how red her face had turned.

Celestia just smiled and continued, “I’m sure you were Twilight, and I know you must be exhausted from last night’s mission, but I’m going to need you to show the human agents to their rooms after the President’s briefing.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow, “Wait…huh?” The sound of Celestia’s words echoed in her mind, “OH right! Humans. Living with us now. Right, got it.” Twilight’s mind focused on a single fact of that statement, ‘Wait…’

Celestia let out a quiet and dainty laugh that sounded as divine as the goddess looked, “Indeed my faithful student. Now if you would all give your attention to President Joseph…” She unfurled a wing and pointed it at the aged man.

“Thank you Princess,” he said stepping forward, “Time for the bad news.” The ponies gulped in unison while the human agents leaned forward, listening intently. “For the past week, dogs, cats, and other forms of city fauna have been disappearing in Greenwich Village at an alarming rate.”

Fluttershy put her hooves to her mouth and gasped, “Those poor animals! Don’t they have owners, or somepony to look after them?”

The President gave her a flat look, “Some of them did, but most were just strays. At first, city officials believed they were just moving to other parts of the city or, getting stuck in a pipe somewhere…”

“What are we doing here then?!” cried Fluttershy, “We have to find those poor, innocent little animals and give them a home! Poor little things are probably shivering alone in some dirty and dark hole and crying out for somepony to help them!”

The President’s face contorted into an expression of guilt. He obviously did not want to tell the sensitive pegasus the next part, but duty dictated he did, “Recent information says otherwise miss.” The President took a zip-lock bag out of his pocket and held it up for everyone to see. Inside of it was a dog collar, and even Twilight’s groggy vision could see it was caked with dried blood.

Twilight’s friends, especially Fluttershy, all put their hooves over their mouths and looked away. “From what we can tell,” the president said as he replaced the bag into his pocket, “all of the missing animals were hunted down and eaten by a foreign predator, and last night we were fortunate enough to get an eye witness with a camera.”

The President removed a medium sized orange folder from within his suit jacket and threw it onto the coffee table that sat between the two couches. As it landed, a single photo slid out of it. The creature in the photo was in the process of diving into a manhole, and all that could be seen was two powerful looking legs and a crocodilian tail.

Rainbow Dash cocked her head to the side, “It certainly looks nasty.”

Hawk picked up the photo and examined it closely. “That it does. It’ll look even worse when I put a pound of lead into it.”

Megan put a hand on Hawk’s shoulder and pointed to the red spot on the man’s arm, “You’re not going anywhere near a sewer with a bite wound like that.”

Hawk gave a plaintive look at the woman, “But…”

“No buts,” said Megan, “Doctor’s orders. Dimitri and Zorro can take care of this.”

“Actually,” said Zorro giving a slight cough, “I might have a tiny little cold.”

Megan rolled her eyes, “Ugh, fine. I’ll go with Dimitri and Fluttershy can bandage up Hawk. Applejack, you want to go on an adventure into the Manhattan sewer system with me?”

The orange earth pony removed her hat and scratched her chin, “Well, weighing the prospects of such a venture, Ah’d have to say...” A devious smile crossed her face as she replaced her hat, “Darn tootin’! I’m not gonna let some varmint get away with munchin’ on somepony’s pet dog!”

Dash jumped onto the coffee table with wings fully extended, “Hay yeah! Count me in too! No way am I not going on an adventure!”

“Замечатель! This vill be like game of Dungeon and Dragon!”

Dimitri received an odd look from everyone in the room. President Joseph patted the young man on the back while laughing to himself, “Well then Dimitri, you and the others best get rolling.”

***

An hour later, Megan Dimitri, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack were all standing around an open manhole with an old van Megan had commandeered from the parking lot that was full of supplies. Thankfully, the ponies didn’t question where Megan had found it or why she had to hot-wire the vehicle to make it start. Though Megan was more thankful that the ponies didn’t ask her about the ‘Free Candy’ sign they found in the back.

With a brisk huff, Megan walked over to the van and opened the back, “Come on Dimitri, let’s unload the stuff.”

“Vhy is it alvays me?” asked the young man to no one in particular.

“Because ponies don’t have hands!” Megan called back. “Now stop crying and earn your keep.” Dimitri could only reply with a heavy sigh and moved to help unpack the several boxes they had packed before leaving the Bureau.

“Hey AJ…” whispered Dash as she stretched out her legs.

Applejack began swinging her lasso in long practice loops with her mouth, causing her reply to be somewhat muffled, “Yeah Dashie?”

“You think Twilight and that human in the coat have a thing for each other?”

Applejack very nearly swallowed her rope. “W-Where in tarnation did you get a strange idea like that?!”

Dash leaned over to her friend, “Were you not in that briefing? Twilight was totally giving him bedroom eyes the entire time!”

“And what, if’n you don’t mind me askin’, are ‘bedroom eyes’?”

Dash rolled her eyes, “Ugh, it’s the look one pony gives to another when they want to…you know…do it.”

Applejack furrowed her brow, “Oh. And you think Twilight wants ta…An Hawk wants to…Twilight…” The earth pony’s mind swam with implications. The two did spend all last night in that graveyard together. “Ya know, now that ya mention it, I do recall Twilight not peeling her eyes away from ‘im.”

Megan dropped a large box down in between the two ponies, causing them to jump in fright. “What’re ya’ll talking about?” she asked with a smile, “Certain stallions you two might have an eye on perhaps?” Applejack and Dash’s faces grew an intense shade of red.

Dimitri walked into the group and knelt over the box, sighing under his breath, “Может быть они говорили о том, насколько они хотят иметь секс друг с другом?”

Megan gave him a dirty look and a punch in the shoulder, “For that you get to go in first.” Dimitri rubbed the spot where she hit him and gave a sorry look.

“What did he say?” asked Applejack, now more confused than embarrassed.

“Nothing worth repeating,” replied Megan.

“So anyvay…” Dimitri interjected as he dug through the box’s contents with his good arm, “Vhat ve have for today’s adventure is: instant torches, flare gun vith ten shots, three fifty-thousand wolt tasers, vith safeties off,” He turned to the ponies as if answering an unasked question, “So prolonged exposure might just melt your skin off. Next ve have tomahawks and throwing hatchets,” he suddenly reeled back a bit, “and a two pound block of C4?”

Megan cocked an eyebrow, “C4? Who put C4 in my box?!”

“What in tarnation’s see four?” asked Applejack leaning her head in close enough to sniff the strange block of putty.

“Big explosive, wery dangerous, wery loud,” replied Dimitri turning the brick shaped object over in his hands. There was a small pink square of paper on the bottom of the brick, and on it was a message. “Oh look! A sticky note!” Dimitri plucked it off, his face brightening as he read,

“Just in case. Love Hawk.”

“Awww, well ain’t that sweet!” said Applejack forcing a smile, making sure to give an ‘oh-my-goodness-you-might-be-right’ glance at Dash. Dash returned it with an ‘I-told-you-so’ grin.

Megan placed her hand over her face and sighed, “I am going to kill that man.”

***

An instant torch dropped down through the manhole and hit the cold stone with a clack. Seconds later, a young man with a large axe on his back climbed down the ladder that led to the street, touching down in the old stonework. Dimitri picked up the torch and held it above his head, illuminating thirty or so feet of darkness. The sewer tunnel had a roof made of old brick, and was wide enough to be a road. Old pipes criss-crossed on the ceiling, and occasionally thrummed with activity.

After surveying the immediate area, he called up to those above him, “Clear!”

Megan climbed down next, two tomahawks looped around her belt, and a flare gun holstered at her hip. As she touched down next to the young man, she wiped her hands off on her blue jeans and took in a few breaths of air. “Well, it doesn’t smell bad,” she said at length, “Weird.”

“Megan?” called Applejack from the street, “Ah-Ah’m ready ta’ come down! You ready to catch me?”

Megan looked up at the pony head that hovered above the manhole, “I sure am sugar-cube!” The woman stretched out her arms, preparing to catch the small equine.

Applejack backed away from the hole to get some distance, “Okay! Here Ah go!” She ran towards the opened and jumped into the air, curling into a canon-ball dive, “YEE-HAW!” Falling straight through the manhole and into Megan’s awaiting arms, she gave out a dainty “Oomf!” Feeling the arms of her human friend support her form, the orange pony opened her eyes to see Megan’s smiling face.

“You’re lighter than you look,” said the woman.

“Hey, Ah can be dainty if Ah want ta’ be,” Applejack replied as Megan placed her on solid ground, “Jus’ don’t on account of it not bein’ all that practical.”

“Yeah, that’s what I like about you AJ,” called Rainbow Dash as she jumped down from the opening, flaring out her wings and gliding smoothly to the ground. “You aren’t afraid to have fun and get dirty, unlike Rarity.”

“Vhy vould she vant to pass up a glorious opportunity like this?” Dimitri asked in earnest. “It is not every day one gets to go into dungeon and hunt lizard man. Ад, I vould do this even if I vasn’t part of the Agency.”

Applejack rolled her eyes in wide arcs, “Ah don’t think Rarity would care much fer the decorations, or the murderous lizard creature that might be stalkin’ ‘round down here.”

“Speaking of ol’ scaly,” said Dash looking down both directions of the sewer, seeing only darkness. “Where do we start looking for him anyway?”

“Downstream,” said Megan, “Any animals that had drowned during a storm would flow that way, making for an easy meal, and I got a feeling this thing wouldn’t mind getting wet.”

Wincing at the cold analysis, Applejack asked the next question, “An’ which way is downstream? It all looks a might flat down here to me.” Glancing around the gloomy tunnel the orange pony added, “Then again, Ah can’t see much of anything down here.”

"I can answer this one!” exclaimed Dimitri, removing a bottle of water from his army surplus cargo pants. He bent over and began pouring it out slowly onto the ground making sure it didn’t splash.

Sure enough, as the puddle grew a small tendril of water began to trail off down into the darkness. With a swarthy looking smile, Dimitri tossed an instant torch over to Megan. Immediately after catching the long brown stick, she cracked the top off of it, causing the tip to burst into a bright white light.

“You lead Mr. Scientist,” said Megan patting the young man on the back, “I’ll bring up the rear. AJ, you and Dash keep an eye out for side passages that look like something might be using them.”

As they fell into the marching order Dash asked, “What kind of signs of life does a lizard monster give?”

“Oh you known, average stuff,” replied Megan, “Claw marks on the walls and bricks, loose scales on the ground, maybe a footprint in some dirt…”

“Bones,” added Dimitri.

Megan nodded in agreement, “Definitely bones.”

Dash and Applejack exchanged glances, and together they both gulped.

***

Meanwhile, at the Bureau, an exhausted Twilight had long since been carried to her bed by her concerned mentor Princess Celestia, who had to depart with President Joseph shortly after. They had to leave in order to prepare a statement to the general populace, they had to tell the people what the bridging of the two worlds had wrought. After the goodbyes, everyone had gone off to do what they thought needed to be done.

Fluttershy patched up Hawk’s bite wound from the ghastly business of the previous night, and after that the yellow pegasus had gone out to her little animal sanctuary and tended her flock. Rarity went to go take a bath with a trashy novella called, “The Stallion from the South,” and had not been seen since. As for the human Hawk, he and his friend Zorro were busy picking out their rooms and converting one of the lounges into a briefing room/communications headquarters. Zorro had conveniently ceased coughing around the time he selected his room, which occurred before any of the other humans had a chance to pick rooms of their own.

Pinkie on the other hand, sat alone in the cafeteria. It was just past lunchtime, so all the humans and ponified people had left to go back to their rooms while giving a wide berth to the human agents. Pinkie sighed and closed her eyes, and was instantly bombarded with images of a Headless Horseman, laughing maniacally as he decapitated pony after pony, their dead eyes always looking at Pinkie no matter how they landed.

Shaking her head clear of the images, the pink mare concluded that she would never sleep again. Not if such horrible things were now stuck in her mind. A little voice in her head spoke up, ‘They are gone, and they are never coming back. Their families are going to be so sad to know that you survived instead of their brother, or sister, or son, or daughter...’ She shook her head more hoping to quiet the voice, but it persisted. ‘How are you going to live with yourself knowing that if you had warned them sooner, they might still be alive?’

A cup of tea slid into Pinkie’s vision from across the table. “You look terrible,” came a cold, but undeniably feminine voice.

Looking up, Pinkie saw Captain Barnes with a cup of her own. “OH! Hey there Ms. Barnes…wh-w-what are you doing here?”

“Captain,” replied Barnes in a flat tone, her eyes unreadable behind her shaded sunglasses.

“Huh?”

“My rank is captain,” she took a sip of her tea, “and unless my intel was wrong, you are Pinkamena Diane Pie, the element of laughter and joy.”

Pinkie lowered her head, “Yeah…that’s me, but I just go by Pinkie usually Mis…I mean, Captain Barnes.” Pinkie started running her hooves through her straight hair, hoping that the human would soon leave.

Barnes leaned forward, “You do not look very happy for the embodiment of joy.”

Pinkie debated whether talking to Barnes was a good idea. In the brief amount of time she had known the woman, Barnes had not once smiled or given any indication of feeling anything. Pinkie watched the swirls of steam rise from her tea cup and decided to go for it. “I keep having nightmares about last night, or maybe I should call them daymares…I don’t know. It’s just that...last night something bad happened to a lot of innocent people for no reason, and I couldn’t help them and now I have to live with the images of people dying and screaming and…” Tears started rolling down Pinkie’s face as the images of dead bodies and screaming heads filled her vision.

Barnes took another sip of her tea, “That’s the world for you, and you had best learn to cope with it. Last night was just another incident in the long history of bad things happening to good people.”

The prospect of having to watch more innocent people die did not set well with Pinkie Pie at all, and she knew that this would never have happened in Equestria. ‘But you’re not in Equestria anymore Pinkie, you are in Human Lands. Here, pointless death and sorrow is the norm. Here, the world hates you". The pink mare looked into the dark shading of Barnes’ sunglasses, “How do you cope with it? I mean…I can’t…”

Barnes placed her tea cup down in front of her, her voice changing from her normally steely tone to one that had equal parts concern and tenderness, “You find a friend and you talk about it. Usually over a cup of tea.”.

Pinkie was taken aback from the sudden change in the human’s voice, and looked down at the hot cup of tea in front of her. Its swirling strands of steam looked like they were dancing, as if they were trying to cheer up the pink pony.

“Now Pinkie,” Barnes pushed Pinkie Pie’s tea cup closer to the mare and asked in her new soft voice, “do you have anything you want to talk about with me?”

For the first time since last night Pinkie Pie felt a smile cross her face. Making new friends always cheered Pinkie up.

***

“What is that?” asked Dash in regards to a large gap in the smooth stone work of the wall.

Dimitri raised his torch in an effort to shine more light into the breach they had discovered, “I think…it is vhat is called a ‘hole in the vall’.” He looked at the rainbow pegasus and shrugged, “But that is just my opinion.”

“Tha’ real question is what’s on the other side of it?” added Applejack as she walked up to it.

“Dash,” began Megan, “can you feel if air is going in or out of the hole?”

“Sure thing,” she replied flaring out her wings and her feathers began wobbling as air brushed past them. “There is definitely a breeze coming out of here,” she paused, “A warm breeze.”

“That sounds like our lair!” Dimitri exclaimed. He threw his instant torch into the hole, illuminating the descending tunnel, and readied his large axe.

“Lead on General Harth,” said Megan sarcastically.

Applejack cocked an eyebrow, “Who?”

“Old var hero,” replied Dimitri walking into the hole, followed by Applejack and then Dash.

Megan took out a tomahawk and flipped it in her hands a couple times, “Didn’t he punch the first pony he met?” She gave a quick glance around before entering the tunnel after the ponies.

Dash exchanged a surprised look with Applejack and hesitantly asked, “Why would he do that?”

Dimitri responded in a light hearted way, “From vhat I hear, he did not agree vith concept of pegasus. Something about pony vith vings bothered him, and he did not like it vhen pony flew into his face to say hello. So he punch it in face.”

“Sounds like a real …” Applejack paused to search for the right word.

Dash jumped on the opportunity, “Ass.” The two humans stopped in their tracks and looked at Rainbow Dash in profound surprise, causing the pegasus some discomfort.

At length, Megan and Dimitri looked at each other and nodded in agreement. “Sounds right to me,” they said in tandem, after which they both erupted into laughter and continued down the passageway.

After some time of traveling down the tunnel, they group came upon an opening into a large dark cavern. There was the sound of running water, and a warm breeze blew through the darkness, and it carried with it the smell of rot and death.

“Okay, now it smells bad,” quipped Megan as she drew the flare gun from her hip. Pointing it to the ceiling, or what she thought was the ceiling, she fired off her first flare. The flare spread light all throughout the cavern, which in fact turned out to be a half-flooded train terminal. The structure itself resembled an old, weathered, and decrepit version of Grand Central Station. It was large and seemed to be made out of big stone blocks and bricks held together by subterranean molds and moss. The building appeared to have merged with the cavern wall, and as such was suspended above an underground lake, with only an ancient staircase to bridge the entrance of the cavern to the station.

The party all gasped in amazement as they took in the sheer enormity of the expanse. As the first flare began to dim, Applejack thought she saw something duck into the water at the last second. “Megan! Fire up another one of them flares quick!”

Megan eagerly complied, loading and firing another bright red flare up towards the ceiling of the cavern. Once again the worn architecture was revealed in all of its forgotten splendor. “Did you see something sugar cube?” asked Megan, her eyes scanning the surface of the waters. There was nothing, not even a ripple.

“Ah thought ah did.”

“Let us get into the structure,” suggested Dimitri, “I feel somevhat exposed out here.”

“Tell me about it,” said Dash as the flare began to dim again.

Darkness fell around them, leaving only the illumination of Megan’s instant torch as their light source. As Megan was loading another flare, the sound of something emerging from water came from somewhere in the gloom, followed by a low hiss and heavy, squishy sounding footfalls.

“Tell me again why you guys didn’t bring your guns,” Dash asked while her herd instincts kicked in, moving her closer to Applejack. The squishy footsteps were getting louder, and so was the hissing.

Dimitri hefted his axe and faced the approaching sound, “If I fired mine underground, there vould be a good chance of us all going deaf.”

“Mine’s a sniper rifle, not good for close quarters,” added Megan pointing the flare gun at the roof, “And no way am I bringing my daddy’s Winchester into a goddamn sewer.” She fired off the flare and dropped the launcher, pulling a tomahawk from her belt.

On the staircase in front of them, rather unfazed by the flare’s red light, stood a scaled creature that reminded Applejack and Dash of Spike, except taller and far less cute. It was supported by two powerful legs, trailing behind it was a long tail that swept back and forth across the ground silently. At the ends of its muscled arms was a pair of very sharp looking claws, which opened and closed with each step the creature took. Its eyes gleamed with the cold stare only a reptile could give, and at the end of its short snout was a toothy maw which emitted the hissing noise that could curdle milk.

After recovering from the shock of seeing a Lizard Man, Megan threw a tomahawk at it, striking it squarely in its chest. Unfortunately, this only seemed to anger it. Dimitri charged it, coming at it with a downward swing and imbedding his axe in the creature's chest. Unfortunately the Lizard Man was faster than it looked and backhanded the young man in the chest and sent him flying into the water a good ten feet away.

“Сын сука!” was all Dimitri could yell before he hit the water.

Applejack charged the Lizard Man going in low, as Rainbow Dash took flight and circled around behind it coming in high. The pegasus shouted a battle cry as she flew in for the strike, “Take this you overgrown Iguana!”

The Lizard Man quickly turned around sweeping Applejack off her hooves with its tail, as it swatted Dash down to the ground with a claw. It let out a roar of victory as it hovered over the stunned pegasus, extending a claw to pick her up. Before it could however, Megan lept onto the Lizard Man’s back with a live taser. “Taste lightning bog breath!” Megan jammed the crackling taser into the Lizard Man’s neck, causing the beast to release a terrifying roar that echoed loudly within the cavern.

The Lizard Man summoned the strength to resist the pain of being electrocuted and raised a massive claw imbedding its nails into Megan’s back. Her scream was almost as awful as the Lizard Man’s. Now with a firm grip, the monster flung Megan over its head into the ancient brick staircase, smoke rising from its neck as well as the axe blade stuck in its chest. The beast stepped on Dash on its way to Megan’s prone and bleeding body, sending the air out of the pegasus’ lungs before she could stand up.

The Lizard Man now loomed above Megan, who was trying desperately to reach for another tomahawk. Grabbing the woman by the neck, the creature lifted Megan up to eye level and resumed its hissing noise. It suddenly found a lasso around its neck and tried to resist being pulled backwards by Applejack. “Don’t you touch her you son of a bitch!” cried the orange pony through gritted teeth. She heaved again against the monstrosity, forcing it to take a step back.

The light of the flare was dimming as Megan finally found a grip on the tomahawk. After another heave from Applejack, Megan swung at the Lizard Man’s neck, burying the small hatchet deep into the creature’s scaly flesh. The monster released its grip on the woman, who rolled across the damp stones in the direction of the station. Rainbow Dash had gotten back up and gripped the rope with Applejack, giving it as strong a pull as she could muster.

With two ponies pulling on it, and a tomahawk in its neck to boot, the Lizard Man toppled down the stairs, dislodging Dimitri's axe on the way down. It landed at the bottom of the steps with a satisfying thump and remained motionless. Any thoughts of celebration died as the flare did, surrounding the party in total darkness. There was a splash not long after as the hissing noise disappeared.

Megan lit an instant torch creating a circle of light. The Lizard Man had slipped free of the lasso and the water rippled with recent activity. “Dimitri?!” called Megan, “Get to land as fast as possible!”

“Vorking on it!” replied Dimitri, just now swimming into the small area of light. “That thing has nasty left hook you know.”

Megan winced, feeling burning hot pain from the fresh wounds on her back, “I know what you mean.”

Rainbow Dash took flight and hovered over Dimitri, “Hold on, I got ya!” She somehow gripped onto his shoulders with her front hooves and began dragging the young man through the water towards the stone walkway.

Applejack had recovered her lasso and moved next to Megan, who had taken to sitting down on the old brick stairs. “How’re ya’ holding up there sugar-cube? Ya’ took quite a hit from that…thing.”

Megan sat very still and only glanced at the orange pony, “My back hurts.”

Applejack gave a weak smile to her friend, “Well ah reckon it would after hittin’ them stairs like that!” With a soft nuzzle to Megan’s face she began to move behind the woman, “Let me have a look see an maybe ah can massage it or-” She let out a gasp when she saw Megan’s back. Blood was leaking from five dime sized holes and was streaming down the woman’s back, forming a pool on the bricks. “Dear Celestia…”

“AJ,” said Megan, “I need you to do something for me.”

“Y-yeah?”

Megan slowly moved her arm and presented Applejack with the lit instant torch, “Take this and cauterize my wounds.”

“Vait!” called Dimitri while he climbed onto the shore, “Disinfect first, then seal! Do not vant infection!”

“You got alcohol on you?” replied the woman.

Dimitri ran up to her and pulled out a flask from his back pocket, “Law one of living in Russia: Alvays carry Vodka.” he gave her a big smile, which she returned with a weak chuckle. Wasting no time Dimitri opened it and moved behind her pausing only to say, “You might vant to bite down on something.”

Rainbow Dash, who had flown in after Dimitri, grabbed the end of Applejack’s rope and offered it to Megan. The woman took it and gingerly placed it in her mouth, already biting down hard.

“Here ve go,” said Dimitri as he began to pour.

***

They had all moved into the station portion of the cavern, only barely noticing the ornate stonework that adorned the front entryway. Megan was resting her head on Applejack, who was all too eager to offer the small service. The orange pony was just glad that Megan was alive, if a bit burned.

Dimitri and Dash had set up a perimeter of instant torches, shedding light into the large and empty building. It was majestic to say the least, but also had an air of mystery to it. Dash had asked Dimitri about it, but he didn’t know of any train stations that had sunk beneath the earth.

“More than likely, it manifested. Like spooky town of horseman,” he had offered. The words had done little to make the pegasus feel better.

Rainbow Dash had since been pacing back and forth. “I think we need to go,” she said, “Like, back to the surface and-I don’t know-seal off the sewers or something!”

“One problem with that Dashie,” countered Applejack, “This Lizard-thingy will still be down here.”

“And now it knows it can compete vith humans and ponies,” added Dimitri.

“No kidding,” groaned Megan.

Something in the darkness climbed out of the water. The sound of wet footsteps echoed through the cavern, followed by a low hiss. Dimitri grabbed his long axe and moved to the center of the torch ring. “He’s back!” said the young man tensing up.

Dash flew in soon after looking somewhat shaken. “Anypony got a plan?” she asked.

Applejack gently moved out from under Megan and trotted to the center, her mind abuzz. “Ah got an idea. Me an’ Dash wait on opposite sides of tha’ entrance with them zappy things and jump the varmint when it enters. Then Dimitri hits it with his axe.” She looked at the other two, who looked at each other and nodded.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” exclaimed Dash, much of her confidence returning.

Dimitri handed the ponies the tasers, giving quick instructions on how they worked before the ponies ran into positions. The wet footsteps were very close, but they still couldn’t see the creature. Dimitri took an instant torch from the ring and tossed it through the door. The Lizard Man was just now cresting the lip of the staircase. It had removed the tomahawks from its chest and neck at some point during its disappearance and seemed no worse for wear as a result.

After what seemed to be an agonizing eternity of its slow, wet, footsteps getting closer and closer, and its reptilian hiss getting louder and louder, it was finally at the door. “NOW!” screamed Dimitri, as Applejack and Dash jumped at its sides, tasers crackling loudly.

The Lizard Man let out a pained roar as electricity shot through every vein of its body. Dimitri let out a roar of his own as he charged the monster and brought his axe down into its chest. It staggered backwards a few feet as Dimitri yanked his weapon out of the creature’s chest.

“Zap it again!” yelled Megan, as Dash and Applejack lunged at it again, hoping that the beast would just die.

But it was faster than it looked. Before they could connect, the Lizard Man fell to all fours and swatted at the ponies with its tail knocking them away. Dimitri came at it with his axe again, but the creature ducked to the side, avoiding the strike. Standing on its legs again, the monster grabbed Dimitri with its two powerful claws and threw him into a nearby support column. The wound in the Lizard Man’s chest was hemorrhaging greenish colored blood, and its hissing was becoming labored and forced. With some effort, it moved towards the prey that was giving it the least trouble.

Megan gripped onto the soft putty-like ball in her hand, and with considerable agony, rose to her feet to face the monster. She took a quick glance around: Dimitri had hit that pillar hard and wasn’t moving, while Applejack and Dash were still pulling themselves together. Then there was the Lizard Man, taking its time lumbering over to Megan with one claw covering its chest and the other preparing for a strike.

Her body was only willing to try this once, so she had to make it count. That didn’t stop her from making one last act of bravado however. She raised both her arms out, one had the ball of putty with detonation pins in it, the other a small black box. “If there’s enough of you left after this, I am so making you into a wallet,” she taunted. The Lizard Man moved in closer and raised both arms, with the obvious intent to rip her to shreds.

Megan saw her opening and tackled the abomination with a war cry that put whatever the monster called a roar to shame. She plunged the putty ball into the open wound in the Lizard Man’s chest. The creature roared in agony as Megan made sure the baseball sized portion of C4 she had just armed was good and lodged in the beast’s stomach. Deciding that the C4 was in there well enough, Megan retracted her arm and rolled out of the creatures reach.

“APPLEJACK!” called Megan, “GET THAT THING THE BUCK OUT OF HERE!”

Applejack, who had been regaining her senses from a hit to the head, heard the command clear as a bell. “Come on Dash! Time ta’ show this critter who’s boss!”

“Right behind you AJ!” replied the pegasus.

The Lizard Man was too distracted clutching its stomach and chest with its claws to notice the two ponies run in front of it and rear their hind legs. Together, the two ponies bucked the scaly monster in its stomach and sent it flying a good six feet out the entrance. The Lizard Man hit the stairs and rolled down the length of them, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

“Aaaand he’s outta there!” called Rainbow Dash as she trotted to the entrance, “Team Awesome: Two! Monsters: Zero! Suck on that you scaly son of a b-”

The Lizard Man exploded.

The force from the explosion itself was enough to send Rainbow Dash back a good foot and a half, whereas the noise left a very loud ringing in the ears of all who still had ears. Dash had to shake her head a couple times to stop her eyes from spinning.

Megan leaned against a nearby wall, almost collapsing out right, and left a trail of blood as she slid down to the ground.

***

“They’re back!” screamed Pinkie Pie bouncing with excitement. “You know what this means Rarity?!”

The white unicorn gazed over her early sketches for team uniforms, “I can guess. Could it possibly be a-”

“That’s right! A PARTY! Oh I’m going to need some balloons and some glitter and some streamers and some cake and a TROMBONE!” The bright pink mare zipped out of the entrance hall of the Bureau, giggling madly.

Rarity just sighed and made herself look presentable, no doubt her friends wouldn’t mind seeing something nice and clean after being down in those awful sewers. Rarity put on an award winning smile, fueled by genuine relief that all four of those that had left had returned. Then she saw that one was not so much walking towards the front door, as much as leaning on the others and bleeding all over the place.

Rarity’s smile faded as she turned to the receptionist, “Ditzy! Get Fluttershy to the medical room immediately! She is about to have another patient!” The wall eyed pony slammed a hoof to her forehead and sped off like a bullet towards the animal sanctuary. Rarity meanwhile busied herself by preparing a spell to carry the wounded.

Dimitri, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack all rushed into the front room, all in some way supporting the bleeding Megan. “Rarity,” started the orange pony, “Megan’s hurt bad in the back an’ we need to get her to the nursing room fast.”

“That’s why I’m here AJ,” replied Rarity with a tone as graceful as ever. Her horn glowed, and the air around Megan followed suit. Soon she became weightless and floated through the air, her back facing up. Without another word, Rarity galloped off towards the nursing room with the floating Megan in tow, the other three following close behind.

***

Megan woke up three hours later, counting five dull pains in her back and feeling rather woozy. She was lying on her stomach in what she then decided was the most comfortable bed in the world. Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was a very concerned looking orange pony. Summoning every ounce of strength, she said, “Hey there sugar-cube.”

Applejack’s smile was sweet and pure, and made Megan feel better instantly. Not good enough to punch lizard men with high explosive of course, but better than how she had felt a few seconds ago. Applejack nuzzled Megan’s cheek saying, “Hey there yerself! You had us all worried sick.”

“Is Zorro here?” asked Megan weakly.

Applejack nodded, “He’s right here. He, Hawk an’ me haven’t left your side since Rarity brought you in, not even ta’ use the bathroom.”

Zorro’s sultry voice came from the other side of the bed, “How are you doing mi querida muchacha?”

Megan shifted her head to look at the man. His normally suave face was blemished with worry. “Zorro,” she whispered.

He leaned in closer, “Yes Megan?”

“Next time you have a cold…” she gripped the collar of his shirt and pulled him in close, “Do me a favor and suck it up.” She let go of Zorro, the last of her strength spent. Closing her eyes, she turned her head back to face Applejack’s direction.

“Hey Megan,” came Hawk’s voice.

With great effort, Megan opened her eyes again. “Yeah Hawk?”

Hawk stepped into her vision holding something behind his back. “When you came in, you were clutching some lizard skin, so I took the liberty of making this for you while you were out.” He presented Megan with a small coin purse made from Lizard Man skin. “Ta-da!”

Megan just rolled her eyes and smiled, falling asleep soon after.

The End
Episode 2 is done
Onto episode 3!
Let’s hope I can keep this up.

Minisode: From the Other Side

Yellowstone the Series:
“Minisodes”

A My Little Pony Fanfiction based off a fanfiction of another fanfiction of Blaze’s original Fanfiction: The Conversion Bureau.
So much pony
By Anonsi (But is it enough?)

From the Other Side

“All right class, it’s Wednesday!” Cheerilee called cheerfully. Her class’s only response was a communal groan that lingered for a good few seconds. “Oh come on my little ponies, Human Studies isn’t that bad,” the teacher continued undeterred, “our new neighbors are really fascinating creatures! I’m looking forward to hearing all of your reports on them. Maybe by reading them, we can find out what makes them special! Who wants to go first?”

Despite her efforts to motivate the students by being as positive as she could be, Cheerilee was hard pressed to find an excited face amongst them. ‘Okay then,’ she thought to her self, ‘looks like I’m going to have to use drastic measures!’ Steeling herself, the mare trotted to her desk and retrieved a bag of sweets she had ordered from Sugar Cube Corner and placed it on top of her desk. The attention of all of her students suddenly focused on the sweets, and the teacher found that she now had the undivided attention of the entire class. ‘Works every time,’ she mused as she once again stood front and center.

“Alright class! Because it seems that you are all lack the initiative to give your presentations on your own, whoever presents gets a cupcake!” Every hoof in the house shot up into the air, some of the students were barely keeping themselves contained in their chairs. Quietly giggling to herself, Cheerilee decided to pick one of the young colts that sat in the front row, “Archer, how about we start with you!”

The blue colt with a bow and arrow as his cutie mark stood, looking around the class room nervously before beginning. “Humans and Equestrians, a report by Archer. Humans live in a very dangerous place outside the barrier. Princess Celestia and Luna were sad that they were living like they were, so they made a potion to turn them into ponies like us. A lot of humans have turned into ponies and they are happier. What I like about humans is that they have things that let them fly.”

After the colt sat down, Cheerilee placed a cupcake on his desk saying, “Well said Archer, now let’s hear what Twist has to say next.”

The young filly with a tan coat and curly red mane stood up and cleared her throat. Straightening her glasses, she began, “Humanths and Equethstrianths, a report by Twithst. Humanths live outhside the barrier that surroundths Equethstria. They don’t have magic or wingths to fly, so they have to uthse roboths and other stuff to help them live. What I like about them iths that they althso have candy!” The filly gave her teacher a bright smile as she finished her report.

“Very good Twist! That was an excellent report!” Cheerilee told the young pony while she presented her with a cupcake. “Now who to pick next?” She scanned the second row for somepony who looked as though they weren’t paying as much attention, or looked as if they didn’t seem involved enough. Within moments she spotted the usual suspect for such behavior, “Ah, Diamond Tiara, how about you present next? You usually have very...interesting...view on things to say the least.”

The pink filly stood up quickly and began to speak in a pompous tone, “Humans and Equestrians, a report by the fabulous Diamond Tiara. Humans are smelly and gross, and kill each other all the time. They’re dumb and don’t know how to do anything that even foals know how to do, and some of them won’t get ponified because they are stupid. The only thing I like about humans is that they can’t get into Equestria.” Putting her report on her desk the young filly sat back down and stated, “I’d like my cupcake now.”

Cheerilee eyed the young pony slightly disgusted. “Diamond Tiara, I think you and me need to have a little talk after class about cultural sensitivity.”

The filly cocked an eyebrow, “Does that mean I don’t get a cupcake?”

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and put the tasty treat on the pink filly’s desk. “Now who would like to go next...” Given the last report, the teacher wanted to hear something a bit more well intentioned. “Apple Bloom! How about you go?”

Apple Bloom nearly jumped out of her chair and hastily cleared her throat. “Humans an’ Equestrians, by Apple Bloom! Mah sister Applejack has been livin’ in human lands for awhile now workin’ in a Conversion Bureau with her friends! She’s been sendin’ me letters an’ postcards an’ tellin’ me what she’s been up to! Recently, mah sis says she’s made a new friend who’s a human named Megan!”

“Only your sister could find a way to get even lamer,” quipped Diamond Tiara.

Apple Bloom glared at the pink filly and growled, “What’d you say ‘bout mah sister you no good-”

“Apple Bloom!” interrupted Cheerilee, her face had changed from her usual smile to one that was quite serious, “We’ll have no fighting in this classroom.”

“But Tiara-”

“I’ll be speaking with her after class, and if she interrupts again, I’ll also be having a talk with her parents.” Diamond Tiara suddenly gulped and shrunk into her desk. Satisfied, Cheerilee gestured towards Apple Bloom, “Now, if you’d continue please?”

Clearing her throat again, the young filly continued, “Mah sis says that Megan an’ her have a lot in common! They are both tough, they both like apples, and Applejack says that she wears a bow in her mane like ah do! Applejack says that Megan fights monsters with the help of all her friends an’ a bunch o’ other humans who are all really strong like her! Why, in the last letter mah sis sent, she said that she an’ Megan had jus’ finished beatin’ up a big lizard thingy! Mah favorite thing ‘bout humans is that they’re keepin’ mah sister safe until she can come back home!”

Cheerilee gave her a bright smile as the filly finished her report, “That was a wonderful presentation Apple Bloom! Your sister’s friend sounds very interesting!”

“Uh-huh! Ah bet you’d like her too Ms. Cheerilee!”

“Oh? And why is that dear?”

“Applejack says that Megan used to be a teacher like you, but fer some reason she ain’t anymore.”

The teacher smiled even wider at the news, “My goodness! This friend of yours is definitely growing on me!” Placing a cupcake on Apple Bloom’s desk with a bright smile thrown in for free, Cheerilee continued to pick out fillies and colts in the class until everyone of her students had been called.

***

The enchanted bell of the school sounded the end of the day’s lesson, prompting Cheerilee into another cheerful smile, “That concludes today’s lesson class! Read up on your math problems for tomorrow!” As the students rose from their chairs, Cheerilee made sure to add, “Except you Diamond Tiara! We still need to talk.”

The pink pony sat back down in her chair with a harrumph and rested her cheek on a hoof. Her disposition didn’t improve when Apple Bloom stuck out her tongue towards her as she left. Returning the gesture in kind, Diamond Tiara sat at her desk in exaggerated agony ad boredom.

The other students galloped out of the building like it was on fire, leaving Cheerilee alone in the schoolhouse with the troublesome young filly. “Now Diamond Tiara,” began the teacher, “Your report today was very mean spirited, and I’m sure you don’t actually believe any of what you said. But do you want to tell me why you would say such awful things?”

Tiara just looked out the window with a bored expression and replied, “I dunno.”

Cheerilee knitted her brow. ‘I dunno,’ was her least favorite response to any question. “Tiara, I will not take that as an answer. Now tell me why you would write such horrible things about a people you obviously know nothing about!”

The filly rolled her eyes, “Ugh, what’s there to know? They’re, like, a bunch of savages that go around killing each other!”

At this, Cheerilee very nearly lost her cool. Fortunately she had been teaching for a while, and was used to keeping her demeanor when dealing with troubled students. “Well if you insist on this line of thought without ever meeting a human, then maybe a talk with your mother and father will sort you out.”

The small filly looked at the teacher with sudden fear with the thought of her parents getting involved, and her eyes quickly began to water and form big wet tears. “No please! Don’t tell my parents! I’m sorry I was so mean, I was just going off rumors and stuff!”

The teacher regarded Diamond Tiara with a stern look, “Rumors? From who?”

“Uhh...” The filly’s mind raced as she tried to find a name she could incriminate, “...Scootaloo! That’s it! Scootaloo told me all sorts of nasty rumors about humans! She said that they just fly around in those big flying things of theirs and blow stuff up!”

“Apple Bloom’s friend Scootaloo?”

"Yeah! I’m telling the truth! Honest!”

Cheerilee didn’t believe a word Tiara was saying, but she was sure that the filly was indeed sorry. “Alright, I won’t call you’re parents, but I don’t want to here anymore bogus reports from you. I’m afraid I’ll have to give you an X on this assignment. Don’t make me give you another one.”

“Sure thing Ms. Cheerilee! Can I, like, go now?”

“Yes, and you had better behave next time I see you.”

“I will, I promise!” shouted the filly as she bolted from her chair. Within moments she was already out of sight of the school and well beyond Cheerilee’s earshot.

The teacher simply shook her head and proceeded to pack up her things while mumbling to herself, “What am I going to do with that one?”

“Excuse me!” came a colt’s voice from behind her, “Is this the school?”

Spinning around quickly, the teacher saw two ponies she had not ever met before in Ponyville. One was a blue unicorn colt with a navy blue mane, and a orange mare with a bright yellow mane. The two mysterious ponies just stared at her with looks of joyous anticipation, like they were waiting to be told they had just won something.

“Yes it is...who are you?” Cheerilee asked as she walked over to them.

The colt was the first to reply, “Oh my goodness, you must excuse me! We’re Mark, and Janet Edens!”

“Hello!” said Janet waving a hoof.

Cheerilee looked over the pair of odd ponies for a moment until her mind clicked, “You’re new-foals?”

“Yep!” said Mark, “It took us three and a half years, but me and my wife have finally saved up the bits to move to Equestria, and so far we couldn’t be happier!”

Janet leaned against her husband and added, “All we need now are good pony names!”

The two of them had a brief fit of laughter before Mark continued, “Anyway, me and the Mrs. were just thinking about enrolling a kid...I mean...foal of our own here.”

At the news of a potential student with some insight into being human, Cheerilee became visibly more interested in the conversation. “A new foal? Well let me see if I have room in one of my morning classes, maybe I could squeeze them in...” She removed a day planner from her saddle bag and placed it on a nearby desk to scan its contents, “Aha! Here’s a spot. I can have him start Monday if that’s alright. What’s the name of the little darling?”

“Oh we don’t have one yet, but we are working on it!” responded Mark with a grin.

Cheerilee raised a brow and asked, “Then...you don’t have a foal to enroll here?”

“Not yet!” they replied in unison, “Just checking out the scenery!” They burst into a bout of friendly laughter that rang loudly in the schoolteacher’s ears.

Shaking the ringing out of her ears, Cheerilee packed up her planner and moved to the door. “Well when you do have a new foal for me to enroll, let me know. Oh, and don’t be strangers around town!”

“Oh we will!” said Mark.

“And we won’t!” added Janet.

With a final bout of laughter, the two ponies waved their goodbyes and departed. Cheerilee stood in the school’s doorway feeling exhausted and slightly confused. “They seem nice enough,” she concluded, “maybe they’d be willing to help out in my next Human Studies lecture?” Resolving to find them again and ask them at some point, she smiled to herself and began her hike home. Having a real human perspective on things could be very educational.

Episode 3: Creepy Crawling

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi(He cares nothing for consistent updates!)

Episode 3
Creepy Crawling

______________________________________________________________________________

An uneventful two days have passed at the Conversion Bureau where Twilight and her friends now live with the human task force, and all are able to rest easy knowing that the Lizard Man, a creature which would have began hunting pony and human alike if left unchecked, has been slain. Though suffering from the worst of the wounds sustained, Megan is on the road to a full recovery thanks to both Fluttershy’s medical treatment and Rarity’s healing magic.

President Joseph McCullough however, has bore a troubled brow since his return to the White House. Every passing day he receives increasingly disturbing reports on the effects of Equestria’s wayward magic from all over the world. So far the only pillar of support he has found is Princess Celestia, who has sworn to remain in human lands until the current crisis ends, and now resides within the walls of White House doing what she can to aid both her people and the humans in these dark days...
______________________________________________________________________________

It was early morning when President Joseph went outside to water his rose garden. He enjoyed watering his plants this early in the morning, it gave him time to think about how he was going to fix the mountains of problems he always found himself faced with. Later today, he would be addressing what remained of the United Nations, in an effort to get some collaboration from the other countries with little more than theories and good old fashioned sweet talking. Of course, it helped that Celestia was going to back him up.

Celestia being involved went a great deal in assuaging his fears about the coming speech. What really concerned him was the unrest within his own country. Yesterday, he had received a letter during dinner with the Princess that pleaded for his immediate assistance in a very troubling matter. Apparently, there was a gang war going on in the only city on the west coast with a predominantly pony populace, between the well known HLF, and a new group calling themselves PER.

“Good morning Joseph,” came a voice from behind him, “I didn’t expect to see you up so early.”

The president continued to water his roses, chuckling under his breath, “Well excuse me Princess, but I don’t tend to sleep well when what’s left of my country is on the brink of annihilation.”

Princess Celestia moved to smell the roses of the garden, a serene look crossing her face, “Now Joseph, I hardly think things have gotten that bad. My pupil and her friends have been doing rather well in handling this situation, as have your agents.”

Moving along the garden bed, the President replied, “It hasn’t even been a week since they started, Princess. The two victories our teams have had are two very small drops in a very large bucket.”

Celestia gave the old man a smile that could brighten any day, “Those are still two more drops in the victory bucket than in the failure bucket. That’s a hundred percent success rate so far. Sounds to me like we’re doing rather well for ourselves, wouldn’t you agree?”

Joseph returned her bright smile with a heavy sigh, “I can’t argue with that logic.” He could actually, but simply chose not to. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about the innocent lives being lost to the the reemergence of magic, and instead chose to change the subject. “Anyway Princess, how’s the home front? Everything going well in Ponyland?”

Celestia always giggled when he said that, and this time was no different. Her soft and delicate laughter was exactly what Joseph needed to hear to complete the serenity of his morning. “Everything is fine,” she was able to get out between chortles, “my dear sister has outdone herself with keeping everything in order, and I truly couldn’t be more proud of her.”

Her joy was infectious, and Joseph found himself smiling as he finished watering his garden. “I’m glad to hear that, and I hope the day comes when things are under control enough for you to be with her again.”

“I have no doubt that day will be coming soon Joseph,” she spread her wings and prepared to take off, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fly off those apples from breakfast. A princess must keep her figure you know.” Flashing the President one last award winning smile she took off into the sky with the speed of a jet plane.

Yawning, the President made his way back towards the White House, deciding that he might get a second helping of pancakes before calling his Agents. “An old fart must keep his figure after all.”

***

She was standing in a magnificent apple orchard. The sunlight streamed in through the leaves of the trees, and she could smell the sweet nectar of the apple blossoms on the cool breeze that blew in from the east. Suddenly, a large red stallion was standing in front of her, gazing deeply into her eyes.

“Oh Big Mac…” she said as she gazed right back into his calm and gentle eyes, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you…”

He leaned in close. “Eeyup?” he asked.

Her heart began pounding, and she could feel her insides grow warm. “I need to tell you something Big Mac. Something dreadfully important.”

He leaned in closer, so close that he could have kissed her if he wanted to. “Eeyup?” he asked again.

“I want you Big Mac! I want you so bad it’s driving me crazy!” She began to swoon, “Take me now you magnificent stallion!” she shouted. She didn’t care if anypony heard her, she was in love!

The large red pony grabbed her and tipped her over, holding the now swooning mare in his front hooves. “Rarity...” he said.

“Oh Big Mac!”

“Rarity!”

“Kiss me you foal!” she cried out, puckering her lips in anticipation.

“Rarity i-it’s time to wake up,” he said in Fluttershy’s demure voice.

Time seemed to stop as Rarity realized she was awake. She lifted her eye cover ever so slowly, lips still puckered. There standing next to her bed was her good friend Fluttershy, whose face was already red as a tomato. “How much did you hear?” asked the unicorn with growing concern in her voice.

The yellow pegasus lowered her head meekly and looked at her hooves, “Ummm…u-up until you said you wanted me to…t-to…umm…well that is, you wanted Big Mac to…well…umm…kiss you.” Her cheeks somehow turned even more crimson and she showed no intention of looking away from the floor.

Rarity sighed. This wasn’t the first time her bashful friend had walked in on one of her ‘episodes.’ Fortunately, the unicorn had never gotten to the more…intimate, portion of the dream; a fact that probably saved them both from dying of embarrassment.

Rolling out of bed, Rarity removed her assorted sleepwear with her magic. “I really must apologize, Fluttershy. I should really start using that alarm clock that came with this place.” Moving to a large vanity mirror that she had picked up from market, she lifted a comb and other accessories that were pivotal in her morning routine towards her with her magic, and began brushing her mane.

“Oh…I-I don’t mind,” replied the pegasus, still staring at her hooves, “It’s really not all that much trouble.” Fluttershy raised her head ever so slightly, “And besides, you threw out your alarm clock.”

Rarity stopped her grooming and tilted her head in confusion, “Why in Equestria would I do that? That doesn’t sound like something I would do.”

“You said it was tacky and clashed with the decor,” whispered the yellow pony in response, her eyes now darting between her friend and her hooves as she spoke.

The unicorn ran Fluttershy’s comment through her brain. She gave a shrug, “Okay that does sound like me. Oh well! I’ll just get a new, less tacky, one when next I go out.” Rarity gave a dainty laugh to her friend and resumed combing her mane. “So darling, what’s on the agenda today?”

Fluttershy trotted next to the glamorous unicorn and smiled at her reflection in the mirror, “Oh, just the usual things. You know, like feeding the animals, singing to the birds, making sure all of those cute little critters have a soft comfy bed to sleep in. Oh! And helping the new-foals learn to fly of course.”

Rarity looked at her friend in the mirror. “And?” she added, raising a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

“And?” whimpered the timid pony, now looking around frantically for an object that might jog her memory.

Rarity turned and faced Fluttershy with a hurt look. “Fluttershy! Our tea party!” she said with a slightly whiny tone, “With the human agents? Remember?”

“Oh my goodness!” replied the pegasus, her cheeks again turning red from embarrassment, “I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I forgot that!”

The unicorn rolled her eyes and smiled, giving her friend a light nuzzle on her cheek, “All is forgiven darling, just make sure you’re there at noon. It wouldn’t be as much fun without you after all.”

Fluttershy’s face beamed up at Rarity, who returned it with an equally bright smile. “I’ll make sure of it Rarity, don’t you worry.” She then trotted out of her friend’s room calling “See you later!” behind her.

Rarity turned back to the mirror as Fluttershy left, giving a content little sigh at her gorgeous reflection. “Simply fabulous,” she said as she blew a kiss at herself and giggled. “Oh Rarity…” she said in a deep voice, eyeing her reflection seductively, “Ah may just be a mere farmer pony with a flank like chiseled granite, and the face of a stallion super model, but could you ever bring yourself to love a simple pony like me?”

She batted her eyelashes and dramatically swooned onto her bed, “Oh Big Mac! If only you were a rich, stuck up, narcissistic, and extremely rude swine like Prince Blueblood! But alas! I must settle for you, a charming, handsome, intelligent, and very well to do stallion who would treat me with the respect and love I deserve! Oh woe is me!”

Moments later she burst into a giggle fit that lasted a good minute. She pulled herself together soon after and dressed herself with her personalized saddlebags. Before she left, she reached out with her magic to pick up a trashy novella entitled “He said He Loved Me!” from between her bed and the wall. Slipping it into her side pouch, she left her room and turned right, ready to start her day.

Megan, who was standing not far down the hallway and to the left of the door, rubbed her hand over her chin. “Sheesh...AJ’s brother certainly gets around.”

***

Twilight sat next to Hawk on one of the couches of the new communications room of the Bureau, reading away the afternoon. The unicorn had some reservations about the alterations the human and his friend had made to the room at first, but with all the various radios and scientific doodads, she had gotten over it.

The incoming message light on one of the various gizmos blinked to life and a beeping noise overrode the soft jazz music that had been playing. “Not even operational a whole day and we already got a call,” grunted Hawk as he got up from his end of the couch.

Twilight, who sat on the other end, lifted her head looking extremely concerned. “Please Hawk, this could be serious.”

Hawk smiled at the unicorn, “Am I not serious enough for you? If you want I could act like Barnes and scowl all the time.” After saying this he scrunched up his face in mock anger and pointed at it, “See? This is my serious face.”

Twilight gave him an unimpressed look and rolled her eyes while Hawk chuckled to himself and activated the Comm-Screen. The human President appeared on it, standing in the oval office looking somewhat disheveled. Next to his desk was the ever glorious Princess Celestia resting on her haunches.

Hawk put his hands on his hips and smiled, “Damn Joe. TV makes you look fat.”

President Joseph sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “You’re lucky I can’t suspend you Hawk.”

“I know.”

Twilight jumped off the couch and walked up next to Hawk and waved a hoof at the television screen. “Hello mister President, and good morning Princess!”

The Princess gave a tiny hoof wave back and a serene little smile. Joseph also gave the unicorn a friendly grin as he continued, “Hello Miss Twilight. Anyway, Hawk. A situation has come up in California that requires your team’s immediate attention. As you’ve probably heard from recent news reports, the city of New Foalsome is having problems with...”

Hawk interrupted with a cough, “Sir, California is Six Tribes’ territory. They have rangers that are supposed to handle this.”

Joseph shot him a tired look, “They can’t handle this agent Hawk. The Six Tribes have enough resources to police their cities and towns, but not nearly to combat two organized terrorist groups from waging war on each other.”

Hawk cocked an eyebrow, “Two? I thought the HLF was the only radical group we had to deal with.”

It was then that Celestia spoke, “Indeed they were Agent Hawk, but recently…” her face became downcast and her tone worried, “…I’m saddened to say there is now a second hate fueled group named, PER.”

“Excuse me Princess,” said Twilight as she stepped forward, “but what is PER? I’m not up to date on human outlaws.”

The Princess grew visibly upset as she spoke her next words, “PER, or ‘Ponification for Earth’s Rebirth,’ is not made up of humans Twilight. Its ranks are filled with those that have been ponified and seek to eliminate humanity from the face of the planet, by any means necessary.”

Twilight and Hawk both stood dumbfounded. “But Princess!” stammered Twilight, unable to compute what her mentor had just said, “No pony, Equestrian or otherwise would ever want that! They couldn’t! Our magic removes impurities of both body and mind!” Twilight looked at her mentor, hoping this was just one of the goddess’s famous jokes.

“Oh yes they could,” stated Hawk. His eyes were darting back and forth as he sorted through his memory, “If they had a ponification potion that didn’t take all the bad out of them.”

Twilight’s eyes widened in disbelief as she gazed at Hawk, a dark thought dawning in her mind. “The potion I made for Cottonmouth…” Horrible memories she thought she had long since buried away erupted from her subconscious with the force of a tidal wave.

Hawk nodded, “Apparently we missed some of it.” His face began to contort, this time in very genuine anger.

President Joseph cleared his throat and moved to the center of the screen. “Although the how’s and why’s of PER’s genesis need to be answered and dealt with, that is not your mission. It seems that the two gangs have found a certain carrot to chase after, a one Mr. John Norris and his son, Azure Wind.” The odd looks from Twilight and Hawk did not go unnoticed by the President, but he continued on with the briefing. He assumed they would be smart enough to put two and two together.

“It is our belief,” he continued, “that both organizations are after his fortune, which Mr. Norris keeps somewhere in the confines of his home. If either faction gets their hands on that money, they’ll have enough funds to do whatever they want, and I’m sure they aren’t planning in donating to charity. You two have to make sure no harm comes to Mr. Norris or his son, and keep the fortune out of the hands, or hooves, of the malefactors. Clear?”

“Yes,” said Twilight with a nod.

“Aye sir,” replied Hawk with a salute, “I’ll inform Barnes to ready the chopper for long dis-”

Joseph raised his hand to silence him, “The helicopter is far too slow Agent Hawk. I have authorized the use of the Odin. It should arrive within the hour.”

Hawk’s eyes narrowed, and his voice suddenly had a subtly nervous shake to it, “Ah…the experimental ship. I hope Barnes can fly that one.”

“Captain Barnes can fly anything Hawk,” the President assured him.

“And I’ll get Rarity and Fluttershy ready,” added Twilight, earning her odd looks from her peers. After clearing her throat, she continued, “I was just thinking that we might be able to attempt a diplomatic resolution, however unlikely. I mean, PER might not be one hundred percent ponified, but maybe they’ll at least listen to a little reason?” The young mare gazed into the face of her divine mentor for approval.

Celestia’s face eventually spread into a sincere smile that beamed at her student. “I think that is worth a try my dear pupil, and I hope for the sakes of everyone that it pays off.”

Bubbles of pure joy welled up within Twilight. She was so glad the Princess liked her idea that she didn’t notice the stupid grin that was now covering her face.

“Well then my faithful student,” said Celestia, giggling somewhat at Twilight’s expression, “I bid you and Agent Hawk farewell.”

Twilight gave the most respectful bow she could, saying “Thank you, your highness.”

Hawk simply tipped his hat to the monarch.

Princess Celestia gave one last shining smile to both of them, and spoke with words that sounded like they were dipped in honey, “Do be sure to watch each other’s flanks out there.” She shot Hawk a quick wink before the screen cut to black.

Twilight looked at the human agent with a raised eyebrow, “What was with that wink?”

“Hell if I know,” Hawk responded as he made his way to the door, “I’m going to go get ready before things start getting awkward.”

Twilight sauntered next to him and asked, “Mind helping me find Fluttershy and Rarity? They’ve probably finished their morning rounds by now, so there’s no telling where they could be.” Her face then became somewhat embarrassed and she quietly added, “That, and I don’t want to tell Rarity her tea party is canceled by myself.”

Hawk looked at the unicorn, whose large, pleading eyes were focused intently on him. He let loose a heavy sigh, “Sure Twilight, but only because you’re cute.”

Her cheeks turned a deep shade of red as she looked away sheepishly, “Thanks.”

***

Rarity had finished her morning conversions and had the rest of today off, and it being almost eleven thirty, she thought now would be an excellent time to see if the elusive Samantha Barnes would be attending her ‘Get-to-know-each-other Tea Party.’ Unfortunately, Barnes was busy doing maintenance on her heli-thingy in a vacant section of the Bureau’s parking lot, and the unicorn so hated to interrupt somepony when they were working. Deciding that busy humans were best left unmolested, she turned back towards the entrance of the Bureau.

“Is there something you want Ms. Rarity?” came the woman’s cold and unfeeling voice.

Turning back to face the human, Rarity saw Barnes looking back at her. Her posture was stiff and rigid, and there were grease and oil stains all over her face and jumpsuit. Swallowing down her urge to give the poor girl a makeover on the spot, Rarity pranced towards the woman and put on her most lovely smile.

“Good morning Ms. Barnes, I wa-”

“Captain.”

Blushing slightly at her faux pas, Rarity continued, “Yes of course darling, my apologies. Well, Captain Barnes, I was just wondering if you had given any thought to attending the tea party that I would be hosting later today? I would so love it if you decided to join us!”

The captain’s face was like stone, and showed no sign of emotion in the slightest. Rarity had no idea what the woman was thinking behind those well shaded aviator sunglasses of hers, a fact that made the unicorn feel oddly uncomfortable. After a few unbearably awkward seconds, Barnes simply said, “No. Busy with maintenance.”

“Well drat,” replied Rarity giving the asphalt a dainty little stomp with a hoof. Though she was secretly overjoyed that the uncomfortable silence had ended, that was not the answer she was hoping for. “Oh well, I suppose I’ll just have to save you some tea and croissants. Ta-ta for now darling, I do hope we see more of eachoth-”

There was a sudden boom from above them as an aircraft appeared out of nowhere. It was long, sleek, and even from its distance from her, Rarity could tell it looked very dangerous. The ship hovered there for a time before is started to slowly descend.

“What in the world is that?” asked the unicorn to the woman.

Barnes responded to the pony mechanically, “It is the SR-72, a larger and more up to date version of the SR-71 Blackbird, under the code name ‘Odin.’ It has been retrofitted with Fusion Foil engines which allow for hovering capabilities as well as vertical take-off and descent. It is also equipped with the only Teleportation Matrix in existence, and can travel anywhere in the world instantaneously. Only known drawback is power consumption, limiting the ship’s ability to teleport to twice per every twenty-four hours.”

Rarity stared at the woman, utterly lost in what she had just heard.

Barnes looked at the unicorn and added, “It is also fashionably colored in a deep navy blue.”

Finally, after sorting through the parts she could understand, the unicorn said, “So it’s a plane…”

“Correct.”

“…that teleports?”

“Correct.”

Satisfied that she understood the basic concept, Rarity gave a refreshed sigh and smiled brightly at Barnes while giving the woman’s left hand a quick little pat, “Well that is all very interesting darling, but I must be off! I have a tea party to host after all! Are you sure you can’t make it?”

Barnes’ left hand started twitching slightly, yet the woman paid it no mind and replied “Very sure. Duty calls.” Pointing behind the unicorn with her right hand, she added, “As do your friends.”

Spinning around, Rarity saw Twilight, Fluttershy, and Agent Hawk beckoning to her. Judging from Twilight’s apologetic face, the glamorous unicorn could only assume her friends had come to tell her some unfortunate news about the tea party. “Oh horse-feathers.”

***

“I still don’t see why you’re forcing Fluttershy to go.”

“Rarity, you and I both know that she is a lot braver than a lot of ponies give her credit for,” replied Twilight as she magically lifted a box of ponification potion into the cabin of the Odin.

Rarity walked by Twilight and rolled her eyes as she climbed into one of the four chairs of the cockpit of the sleek human ship. “Yes I know darling, but she is also very sensitive. I’m just worried that these ruffians of...who were they again?”

“PER,” stated Twilight as she placed the box of potion next to Rarity’s seat.

“Right, well I’m just afraid that these PER ponies, or Celestia forbid, those brutes of the HLF get a hold of her.” Rarity looked around her seat for the safety straps that usually came with these kinds of chairs. Unable to find them, she sighed and continued, “I mean honestly Twilight, she could get hurt, or worse.”

Twilight walked next to her friend and gave as comforting a smile as she could, “Believe me Rarity, going on personal experience alone, I can attest that you and Fluttershy will be just fine under the care of the human agents. If anything bad happens, Hawk will be there to save you.”

The white unicorn returned her friends smile with a worried look, “I hope you’re right darling.”

Barnes walked into the cabin carrying a large black duffel bag that clacked and clanked with its no doubt deadly contents. She placed it onto the co-pilot’s seat before taking her position as main pilot. Moments later Hawk entered with Fluttershy in tow, the pegasus’ eyes darting around the interior of the ship. With a nod to Twilight, Hawk took the co-pilot’s seat from the duffel bag and began flipping switches.

Twilight cast an encouraging smile at her friends and said, “Okay girls, looks like it’s time for you two to go! Is everypony clear on what they’re supposed to do?”

“We’re going to help some humans and new-foals learn how to be nice to each other!” chimed Fluttershy as she floated into her seat.

It was a simple analysis of the task, but Twilight accepted it. “Right! Now, Hawk and Barnes will be there to protect you if you get into trouble, so just stick close to them and you’ll both be fine.” Her friends nodded in acknowledgement. “Good, and Hawk…” said the purple unicorn to the man, “Try to come back in one piece.”

“No promises about me,” called Hawk from the front, “but I’ll keep your friends safe.” He turned in his seat and grinned at Twilight, “You have my word.”

Satisfied with his reply, Twilight gave a final nod to her friends and gingerly exited the large dark blue ship. After the purple unicorn was clear, Barnes flipped a switch that made the entrance ramp close and sealed the cabin. After she deftly punched in more commands, the woman announced, “Beginning ascension to eight-hundred feet, charging up Teleportation Drive.”

“Um…E-excuse me for asking, but...um…aren’t we supposed to be strapped down to something?” squeaked Fluttershy,

“Oh right!” exclaimed Hawk, “Hold on just a second while I find the button…Ah! Here we go!” He pushed a glowing yellow button on his control panel. Straps shot out of the back of each of their chairs, which buckled themselves over the chests of the passengers. The ponies were forced into a sitting position that would have been much more comfortable if they were humans.

“It’s a bit snug,” stated Rarity as she struggled to get even a small bit of comfort.

“I’ll modify the seats for pony use later,” stated Barnes in her usual mechanical fashion. The ship kept rising into the air smoothly, climbing high above the streets and rooftops.

The ponies gasped as they looked out the cockpit windows as the entire city of Manhattan stretched out before them. Pegasi could be seen flying playfully around in the afternoon sky, while thousands of ponies made the streets of city into marvelous rivers of rainbow colored dots. It made Rarity yearn to have wings again, but more importantly it gave the unicorn a new idea for a summer gown.

Barnes pressed a button and announced, “Teleport Drive is charged, activating.” The exterior of the ship began to shimmer and glisten with waves of energy. Ripples of bright light danced across the surface of the vessel until the entire aircraft glowed with a wondrous pinkish light that began to expand into a sphere around it. With a brilliant flash, the ship was gone from the city.

***

Meanwhile, more than two-thousand miles away, a loud boom echoed throughout the morning sky above the city of New Foalsome. It was nine AM, and John Norris did not like being woken up that early by explosions. Hell he just didn’t like explosions in general. He sat up in his bed and looked around his dark room. Nothing seemed to be on fire, nor where there any alarms blaring. No immediate problems meant he could roll over and go back to sleep, which he did.

Or would have if the door to his room hadn’t burst open and a small blue pegasus leapt onto his bed yelling, “Dad! Dad! Did you hear that?” The small colt bounded to the window to the window and poked his head through the heavy curtains, allowing a small stream of sunlight to stream into the room. “Woooow!” said the pegasus, “Dad, you have got to see this! I think it’s a spaceship!”

John only curled into a tight ball and hissed, “The light! Turn off the light!”

Azure rolled his eyes. “Seriously Dad, it’s an honest to Celestia spaceship!” insisted the young pegasus.

The aging man relented and emerged from the warmth of his bed with all the excitement of a bear in winter. “There had better be one hell of a spaceship out there Azure. Just saying.” John slowly opened the curtains where his son was peeking his head through, and had to resist the urge to shout ‘It burns!’ as he was showered with morning daylight. After he was able to stop squinting, he saw what appeared to be a large jet plane hovering off in the distance. “Holy shit. It’s a spaceship.”

His son beamed up at him, “Told you so.”

John cast a quick glance at Azure, “Don’t get so excited kid. It freaks me out.” He rubbed his chin as he gazed on the sleek looking ship that appeared to be coming towards his building. Hoping that whoever was driving the aircraft wasn’t interested in him, he turned away from the window and walked towards the kitchen, “Come on Azure, I’ll cook us up some pancakes.”

***

“And just like that, we’re in New Foalsome!” stated Hawk proudly, “Barnes, which building belongs to our friend Mr. Norris?”

She pointed at a large glass building that was a city block or so away from them, “The sky scraper at twelve o’clock. There is no landing pad but it appears that there is substantial enough roof space for us to land on.”

Hawk shrugged, “Take us in captain, and avoid hitting any pegasi while you’re at it.”

“Or birds!” Fluttershy called from her seat.

Barnes flipped a few switches and tightened her grip on the steering yoke, “I will see what I can do.” With her left hand on the steering device, she placed her right hand on the throttle and pushed it forward ever so slightly.

The aircraft slowly began moving forward as the rear engines glowed with the sparks of life. Moving at a cautious and almost leisurely pace, the Odin hovered through the air towards the modern day tower. It deviated from its path only to avoid any curious pegasi or flocks of birds that happened to fly too close. Within the minute, the dark ship loomed over the roof of their destination. The ship gingerly descended onto the roof and touched down with a mild thud.

“Alright, let’s go get acquainted with the locals,” said Hawk as he flipped a switch and picked up his black duffel bag. The entrance ramp to the ship lowered and hit the roof of the building with a solid ‘clang!’ The man tipped his hat to Rarity and Fluttershy as he walked out onto the roof, “Come on my wee horses, time’s a-wasting.”

Rarity and Fluttershy nearly jumped at the chance to exit the craft. Once outside, they gazed at the city that lay before them. It was similar to the Manhattan, but it did not have as many tall buildings. It certainly had a great deal more pegasi though.

As Barnes exited the Odin, Fluttershy daintily trotted up to her with a pleasant smile and said, “Thank you for taking the time to not hurt any birds Missus B-”

“Fluttershy darling,” chimed Rarity “she prefers being called Captain!” The unicorn gave her friend a pleasant smile as she turned followed Hawk towards the rooftop entrance of the building.

“O-oh…umm well then, umm…” the pegasus looked into the mirrored shades of Barnes’ sunglasses that eternally covered the woman’s eyes, nervous panic quickly starting to rise inside of her. “W-well, Captain Barnes, thank you f-for not hitting any birds, i-it really means a lot to me…” The timid pony lowered her head and looked away, internally berating herself for being such a bother.

Barnes glanced up and saw that Hawk and Rarity had disappeared into the staircase entrance of the building. She knelt down and put her left hand behind Fluttershy’s ear and smiled warmly at the pegasus. In a calm and motherly tone she soothingly whispered to the winged pony, “It wasn’t any bother Fluttershy, really. If anything, I enjoyed the extra little challenge. Now go on and catch up with the others, I have to run a little maintenance on the ship and it’ll take me a minute or two.”

Fluttershy gave a relieved smile at the woman, “O-Okay! Thank you!” She fluttered away from the woman and into the dark staircase that led into the tall building.

As soon as the yellow pony was gone, Barnes shook her head as her warm expression was replaced with her usual grim one. She brought the hand that had touched Fluttershy up to her face and looked at it. The hand had started to shake and twitch violently. For a brief second, her emotionless face flashed with concern, “Not good.”

***

John was just about to enter the bathroom when he heard a sound that he absolutely dreaded come from the door to his home.

‘Knock-knock!’

“DAD! There’s somepony at the door!” called Azure from his room.

The man rubbed his eyes and called back, “Tell them that no one’s home and to go away!” He already had one foot in the threshold of bathroom and there was no turning back now.

‘knock-knock-knock-knock!’

Azure appeared at the door to the bathroom and said rather flatly, “I don’t think anypony would ever fall for that Dad, especially when they probably heard you yelling.”

John spun around, “Then just tell them to go away! And close the door!” John shooed the young blue pegasus out and closed the door himself. He approached the porcelain throne and prepared for sweet relief.

There was a very loud crash from the front door as it was kicked in.

John zipped up and dashed out into the living room, where he saw a man in a wide brim hat and duster carrying a black duffel bag, standing in the doorway. He was flanked by two ponies, one was a white unicorn that had an immaculate purple mane, and the other a yellow pegasus with a long pink mane. Apparently both of the ponies were as surprised as John and his son were.

“H-hello!” said the yellow one, “I’m really really sorry about the…um…door…and um…”

Azure galloped behind his father’s legs and the man could feel the small colt shivering against his legs. “Dad…” he whispered, “i-is it the HLF?”

The man in the hat walked over the remains of the door and in a reassuring tone stated, “No my boy, we are not with the HLF, nor are we with PER, an organization your father is no doubt familiar with. The lovely mares behind me are from Princess Celestia’s very own Elite Guard sent here to protect you.”

Azure’s ears perked up at the name of his deity, “C-Celestia?” He peeked out from behind his father’s legs looking somewhat unconvinced, “If you work for Celestia, where’s your fancy armor? The royal guard on the TV wore fancy gold armor.”

The two ponies took positions next to the man. The yellow pegasus smiled at the young colt and spoke gently, “Oh we don’t wear armor. Only the regular royal guards wear armor. We’re the elite guard, which means that…um…” she suddenly looked very worriedly over at the unicorn, “uh…Rarity…w-what does that mean?”

Rarity scanned her mind for an excuse. Celestia never actually told them what benefits being in the Elite Guard offered, and the unicorn was beginning to think that her highness had just made the organization up so they could have a fancy sounding title to throw around. “…uh well, my dear Fluttershy…um…What it means darling is that we are so good at our jobs that we don’t need armor. Yes, that’s what it means.” She rolled her eyes away from the human next to her as she said, “Though I’m still willing to design uniforms for the benefit for our…less fashionable team members.”

The man in the hat’s face gained a flat expression, “No.”

“Oh come on Hawk! You know they’d be absolutely fabulous!” she exclaimed a tad irked, “I was THE top designer of Equestria before moving to human lands, there is nothing to worry about!”

“I think they’d look lovely Rarity,” cooed Fluttershy.

The unicorn smiled at her friend, “Thank you darling. See Hawk? Fluttershy thinks it would be a great idea! Please let me at least design you a better coat? Please? Please please please please?”

Hawk rolled his eyes and faced the glamorous pony, “Okay, tell you what. I’ll ask the rest of my team about it, and you can talk to Twilight. After that we’ll see.”

“Oh thank you thank you thank you! It’s been forever since I’ve done professional work and I have just had so many ideas that I-”

John cleared his throat and gained the attention of everyone in the room. “Okay, you’re obviously not with HLF or PER, but I refuse to believe you guys are agents for that Princess of yours. Now will you all please leave? I have to order a new door. Preferably one made of iron.”

Hawk walked over to the man and presented him with a badge from one of his pockets. “Sorry Mr. Norris, but PER and the HLF are coming after you, and the president has put me and my team in charge of making sure you and your son don’t end up dead.”

John scrutinized the badge, noting that it did look very official. Azure meanwhile, was looking up at the strange human with the hat and coat, taking one tentative step after another towards him. The young colt had seen very few humans in his lifetime, and curiosity was getting the better of him. “Excuse me mister,” asked the blue pegasus, “but how’re you going to protect me and my dad?”

Hawk smiled at the young pony, “Well, if Lady Rarity and Miss Fluttershy’s words don’t keep the bad guys away, then my bullets will.”

***

The phone rang just as Barnes and Hawk finished replacing the door onto its hinges. Barnes had entered with the box of ponification potion some time after the team’s initial introduction to John and Azure, looking somewhat...uneasy. Fluttershy had inquired if there was something wrong, but Barnes had been distant and cold with her response, and generally avoided speaking to either the pegasus or Rarity. She had instead spent her time with Hawk, mostly doing gun maintenance and working to fix the door to a respectable degree.

John picked up his phone, avoiding the large pile of guns that had been laid out over his floor. “Hello, this is Norris.”

“Hello Mr. Norris, this is Sweetie Pop at reception. I have a man here who says he has a delivery for you.”

“Thank you, uh…Ms. Pop, could you hold on a sec?” John beckoned Hawk over to him, “Agent Hawk! Some human guy downstairs says he has a package for me, but I never ordered anything and Azure’s Wonderbolt pin-ups don’t come for another week.”

Hawk gave him an odd look, “You let your son have pin-ups?”

“He already had a subscription when I got him, so you can blame his dead mother if you want. Now what do I so about this?” he replied, shaking the phone slightly.

The human agent shifted a bit uncomfortably at that last remark but responded, “It might be the HLF setting up a trap.”

“No shit,” stated John flatly.

Hawk put his hand to his chin for a moment, pondering something before he asked, “Have you ever actually met the receptionist?”

John glanced away for a brief moment, “No…I don’t really get out much…”

“Good!” exclaimed Hawk, “I’ll go down as you, kill any HLF that try and start anything, and come back here when they’re all dead.” He walked over to the section of carpet where he had laid out his various weapons and selected two sticks of dynamite from the pile. Next, he moved to Azure’s room, where the two mares had been keeping the young colt busy and well away from the deadly contents of Hawk’s duffel bag. Peeking in, the human agent found himself on the threshold of a very odd situation.

Rarity was humming as she brushed the mane of the small blue pegasus, while Fluttershy made pleasant conversation with him. Azure himself seemed quite keen on not looking away from the timid yellow pegasus, though his eyes did not show any interest in what she was saying. He simply stared dreamily at her, lost in one particular feature or another. No one seemed to notice the human agent slip into the room.

Fluttershy continued on with whatever story she was telling, “-and then the cute little baby bunnies hopped all over my bed! Oh it was so cute that I almost fainted!”

“Uh-huh,” replied Azure blissfully looking at Fluttershy.

Rarity interrupted his dream like state with a prod from her hoof, “Azure darling, how would you like your mane styled?”

Hawk took this chance to spoil the moment, before things got too awkward for him. “That will have to wait Rarity. You and I are going down to the lobby to pick up a package, so let’s get going.”

“But…” started Rarity a brokenhearted tone.

Finally noticing the pinups around Azure’s room were of stallions, Hawk quickly added, “Now Rarity.”

“Fine,” she huffed getting off the colt’s bed, “Is Barnes coming?”

“No,” replied the man as he moved out of the room, “Barnes will remain here and keep Mr. Norris and his son safe.” He walked to the front door with Rarity in tow, and together they slid the door open.

“Good luck,” called John as they left. Turning to Barnes, who had begun placing Hawk’s munitions back into his duffel bag, he asked “So, want something to drink? I got some beers that I’ve been meaning to get through.”

Her reply was cold, yet in some strange way, friendly. “I prefer tea, but I’ll take whatever you have.”

***

The elevator door opened up to the expansive lobby. Hawk gave a small whistle at the sheer opulence of main entrance. Polished marble floor, an arched ceiling that was high enough to allow a pegasus some flying room, thick pillars lining the walls that separated the elevators, and even a sizable fountain in the center of the room. The solid marble reception desk was on the wall opposite the entrance, which itself was little more than a massive window with a couple of rotating doors that looked out into the street.

The room was literally teeming with a multitude of various colored ponies, all of whom wore some sign of wealth. There was human in a delivery outfit at the reception desk who seemed to be in the middle of a heated conversation with the receptionist.

“Oh my stars…” breathed Rarity, “I could get used to living here.”

Hawk rolled his eyes and moved towards the reception desk, “I’m sure you’d fit right in, the ponies who live here tend to be a tad snobbish.” She gave him a look that could kill, to which he responded by shooting the unicorn a friendly smile over his shoulder. Sighing out her frustration at the man, Rarity followed after him. She debated with herself about what Twilight saw in him.

The peach colored earth pony with a strawberry colored mane saw Hawk coming towards the desk and waved him over a bit too eagerly. “Mr. Norris?” she inquired with a hopeful expression.

“That I am Ms. Sweetie Pop,” replied Hawk with confidence, “and I’m here for my package.”

The short, pudgy, and almost certainly sleazy looking delivery man tapped Hawk on the shoulder with a clipboard, “About god-damn time you got here. Just sign the dotted line and you can get your shit.” Hawk furrowed his brow and took the clipboard and scanned it for details about where it was sent from. “So,” continued the post-man, “What’s with that get up? You some kind of fucking cowboy enthusiast or some shit like that?” He began backing up towards the fountain.

Hawk looked up from his reading and glared at the man, and was about to say some very stern words about swearing in public. His focus soon shifted to the right as he saw an oncoming van that was accelerating towards the glass wall of the entrance. “Rarity, get behind the desk.”

Rarity, who had been admiring the décor of the lobby, snapped back to reality and shot Hawk a curious stare, “What? I’m sorry darling, but my mind was miles away.”

Hawk dropped the clipboard and drew his revolver, eliciting screams and mad scrambles from the crowd in the room. “Get behind the desk NOW!” he yelled as he rolled over the marble desk and took cover behind it.

Rarity glanced around and saw the van. She quickly joined Hawk and the receptionist behind their piece of cover, shortly joined by three other ponies.

The van smashed through the glass entrance of the lobby sending ponies running every which way in panic, and even managed to hit two unfortunate unicorns. The crowd of ponies crammed themselves into the elevators and out towards the back. Humans in black ski masks and kevlar vests filed out of the back of the van, each one carrying an automatic rifle. The driver leaned out the door and called, “Damnation! Little bastards sure do clear out of a room fast!”

“Newman!” shouted one of the masked men, “Where’s Norris?”

Behind the desk, Hawk put a finger to his lips before removing a long red stick with a fuse from somewhere within his coat. “Anyone got a lighter?” he whispered.

Rarity’s eyes went wide as she silently hissed, “What are you doing with dynamite?! I thought that we were supposed to be using diplomacy!”

The postman stopped cowering behind the fountain and walked up to the man who spoke, “You assholes are nuts you know that? That freak of nature you got in the back of that van is probably all riled up thanks to that stunt!”

The receptionist pony nudged Hawk’s shoulder with her snout and pointed to the hotel’s brand of complementary matches on the desk’s top above. “This is diplomacy,” Hawk replied to the unicorn with a grin, “just a great deal more explosive.”

The masked man pointed his gun at Mr. Newman, “We don’t have time for your bullshit Newman! Now where is he?”

Rarity relented, knowing that diplomacy with the HLF was probably a lost cause anyway. She reached out with her magic and levitated a pack of magic down to Hawk. “I could be having a tea party right now. I just want you to know that.”

Hawk gave the unicorn an apologetic look while he lit the fuse of the dynamite, “I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

Newman eyed the gun barrel in his face, sweat forming all over his face, “Behind the desk, I think he’s got a gun though.”

A lit stick of dynamite sailed out from behind the reception desk and landed in front of the HLF’s van. The eyes of the HLF soldiers went wide while Davey Newman ran past the reception desk. The leader tried to yell, “EVERYONE RUN!” but was cut off by a very loud explosion that consumed almost a full quarter of the lobby.

***

John was in the middle of watching cartoons with Azure and Fluttershy while Barnes sat a ways off, every so often glancing at her hand. There was a panicked knock at John’s door followed by a familiar voice shouting “OH-MY-GOD-JOHN, THERE-ARE-HLF-IN-THE-LOBBY-LET-US-IN!”

Barnes sprang into action immediately as she drew a glock from her hip’s holster and approached the door. Once in position, she then gestured for John to say something.

The man said the first thing that came to mind, “Who’s there?”

“WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-WHO’S-THERE?! IT’S-BREEZY-FIELDS AND-ABOUT-A-DOZEN-PANIKING-PONIES, NOW-OPEN-THE-DAMN-DOOR!”

The man nodded to Barnes to open the door. Responding with a nod of her own, she holstered her gun and slid open the door. A bright green earth pony toppled inside, a look of genuine relief on his face. “Thank-Celestia!” said the earth pony quickly, “I-thought-those-madmen-would-have-killed-me-for-sure!” He gazed up around the room, finally noticing the soft expression of Fluttershy, and the cold glare of Barnes. “Entertaining company John?” he asked at length.

John walked over to the frightened pony, “They’re from the government, now Joseph-”

“Breezy Fields!” shouted the green pony.

“Whatever! You said the HLF is in the lobby right now?”

Breezy Fields nodded, “Yes! Me-and-these-guys-all-ran-up-here-to-get-away-from-them!”

John looked down the hallway that led to his room, seeing a small crowd of ponies all staring at him. The odd thing was that none of them looked even half as panicked as Joseph did. When one of them smiled, John could only say, “Aw horseshit.”

***

Hawk and Rarity peeked over the lip of the desk and surveyed the damage. The van was toppled over and on fire, the fountain was beyond repair and spraying water all over the floor, and there was a great deal of small debris scatted around the once elegant lobby. The bodies of the HLF members were strewn all over the place, some more intact than others.

Rarity ducked back down and put a hoof over her mouth, “I’m going to throw up.”

Hawk put a hand on her shoulders, “It’s alright. The bodies take some getting used to, even for humans.”

“No, not that,” the unicorn said quickly, “the lobby. It’s such a mess.” The man gave her a rather odd look that was a mix of bemusement and shock.

There was a clang of metal hitting ground from the direction of the van’s wreckage. Hawk peeked over the desk again, just in time to see a large, hairy…something…skitter behind one of the pillars. Hawk readied his revolver.

“Help…” came the weak voice from the destruction, “…help…me…” From his position, Hawk saw that it was the man who had been driving the van. It was somewhat miraculous that he had lived, or in one piece for that matter.

Rarity’s ears perked up upon hearing the moaning. She peered around the corner and spotted the wounded human. Her face scrunched up at the sight of the man’s wounds, and in an instant she decided she was going to go save him. Before anyone noticed, the glamorous unicorn had already trotted out from behind the desk and was making her way past the small bits of rubble that lay around the floor towards the hapless individual.

The wounded man spotted the unicorn and he began crawling towards her. His face was awash with terror and pain, but his eyes looked at the approaching pony like she was an angel. “Please…help me…”

There was a sudden yank on Rarity’s backside as Hawk pulled her tail all the way back behind the reception desk. “Agent Hawk!” she cried, “What in the name of Celestia are you doing!?”

“Wait,” he replied, not taking his eyes off the walls.

The wounded HLF member reached out with an arm, and seemed to be on the verge of death. “Please…” he said.

She scowled hard at Hawk, “You sick monster! He might be with those jackals of the HLF, but that doesn’t mean we should just watch him die! By Celest-”

Hawk grabbed her head and turned it to face the right hand wall and pointed at a certain pillar, “Look before you leap.” As he said this, the other ponies cowering behind the desk peeked out from behind it.

Sure enough, much to their accumulated horror, there were large and spindly legs slowly stretching out from behind the pillar. Before long, eight grotesquely large eyes crested out from behind the stonework, each one the size of a dinner plate. It moved with a deliberate slowness around the column, as if it were still deciding who to attack first.

“By the Moon and Sun,” breathed Rarity, quite sure she had just entered a nightmare, “What is that…that thing?”

Hawk leveled his revolver at the creature, “Guessing by just the color and markings? I’d say it’s a wolf spider that’s the size of a horse.”

“…Help…” groaned the man, oblivious to the creeping death that was silently making its way down the wall towards him.

“Do something!” cried Sweetie Pop.

“Rarity,” said Hawk, “get ready to pull that man to safety.”

Barely hearing his words past the horrid scene unfolding before her, she nodded. Focusing on a spell that was meant for moving wounded ponies and animals, her body grew tense as she waited for the moment to act.

The abomination reached the floor as silent as a whisper, and raised its forelegs towards the wounded man. Hawk squeezed the trigger of his revolver, sending a bullet directly into one of the oversized spider’s eyes.

The monstrous spider let loose a terrible shriek of pain before it skittered back behind the pillar with unnerving speed. Rarity never knew spiders could shriek, and she could have happily gone through her entire life not knowing that. She released her spell around the badly wounded member of the HLF and gently glided him close to her.

The spider crawled onto the ceiling, allowing Hawk to take two more shots. Both of the bullets connected with the beast’s sternum, but didn’t do any damage. “Aw hell. That thing is bullet proof,” said the agent as he refilled the chambers of his revolver.

“What do you mean, ‘bullet-proof?!’” screamed Rarity as she prepared a healing spell, “You just shot it and it screeched!” She lowered her head and swept it over the broken and bleeding body of the HLF survivor. Small shimmering waves of multicolored light fell over the man like a blanket and eventually wrapped around him like a cocoon. “There,” she said in a panicky sort of huff, “Now you won’t be bleeding all over the place.”

The spider started crawling sideways towards the space above the reception desk. “Apparently its only weak spot are the eyes,” Hawk produced another stick of dynamite from his coat with his free hand, “Either that or I need try something more original.”

***

A veritable hurricane came from the hallway as the PER ponies cast their spells, throwing everything and everyone in the apartment all over the place. Fluttershy had covered Azure with her body before the gust of wind sent her and the young colt flying into a wall. John, Barnes, and Breezy all had the misfortune of sailing all the way across the room and into the television that hung on the wall, their bodies falling out of sight behind the now upturned couch.

That’s when they all entered. There were seven of them: four unicorns, three pegasi. The lead one was a unicorn, a purple mare with white mane and snowflake marking. Flanking her were two other vicious looking unicorns, both stallions.

The purple one put on a smug grin as she talked, “John Norris, it certainly is a pleasure to meet you. I’ve really been looking forward to it,” she started walking to the upturned couch with a confidence in her step, “I’ve always wondered what it felt like to look down on an inferior species.” Rounding the couch with her two goons, her pompous smile widened when she saw the unconscious forms of John and Breezy, “And now I know.”

The unicorn goon to her right did some hasty math in his head, “Hey boss, weren’t there thr-”

The lead unicorn cut him off with a swish from her tail, “Not now Black Root, mommy is talking.”

Fluttershy was on the ground not far away, and began to come to as the other four ponies swept into the room. She had taken most of the impact from the wall, and as a result was still a bit dazed. “Azure?” she whimpered looking at the small blue pegasus entwined in her legs, “are you okay?”

The colt looked up and shook his head, clearing him of his dazed state. After a moment he had righted himself and scrunched up his face in anger. “DAD!” he shouted as he squirmed out of Fluttershy’s grasp, “GET AWAY FROM MY DADDY!”

“Azure no!”Fluttershy yelped after him, but the small blue pegasus was already dashing across the floor to his father’s side.

The purple unicorn looked down curiously, “Ah, and what have we here?” A cruel grin appeared on her face, “Why you must be little Azure!” The horn of her left hoof goon glowed to life, raising Azure into the air. “Just who I wanted to see next!”

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!” screamed the small blue pegasus in the purple mare’s face.

“Not one for conversation I take it?” she sneered at the colt. Turning to the unicorn on her right she gave another smug smile, “Black Root, go find a pillow case or something to throw him in while we wait for Norris to wake up.”

The black and gold unicorn nodded and trotted off with the still screaming Azure, “WHEN I GET MY HOOVES ON YOU, YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY!” His screams trailed off as Black Root carried him off into a bedroom, where much hollering could be heard before becoming muffled. The stallion emerged with a writhing sack suspended by a magic grip.

“Now about you,” said the purple mare as she trotted over the still recovering Fluttershy, “Who might you be?”

Fluttershy took a quick look around the room, ‘Where was Barnes?! Where did she go?’ Seeing no sign of the human agent anywhere in the apartment, she knew she would have to stand up to these bullies herself.

With considerable effort, she stood up straight and gazed harshly into the eyes of the unicorn mare, “My name is Fluttershy of Ponyville, and how dare you do such awful things to these people! I heard that we would meet bad ponies on this trip, but this is far beyond ‘bad!’ T-this is just plain mean! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”

The seven ponies of PER all stood dumbfounded for a few moments before bursting into riotous laughter. The purple mare was able to stop long enough to move her head in close to Fluttershy’s, a calm smile crossing her lips. “Well isn’t this wonderful! An honest to God Equestrian in our midst! I, Bitter Frost, am honored to meet you.”

Fluttershy glanced about unsure of what to do. She had just used her stern voice, but it didn’t seem to convince them. Maybe asking nicely would work? The timid pegasus lowered her head and gave Bitter Frost the most caring stare she could give, “It’s just that…um, well you see the potion you drank to become ponies was made wrong, so you aren’t really a hundred percent ponified.” Raising her head ever so slightly she added, “But me and my friends brought the right potions that you all can drink! All you have to do is drink up and you won’t have to hurt anypony anymore!”

Frost stepped back a few paces and gave a thoughtful look at Fluttershy. A wicked smile crossed her lips, “Is that so? Well then, it seems that before we leave, we will have to give Mr. John Norris the divine gift of ponification!” She turned to her henchponies, “Come on lads, tie them up and wake up the human! We have bits to take and a blessing to bestow!”

The horns of the four unicorns of PER glowed to life as the unicorns themselves cackled madly. Magic ropes formed around Fluttershy, John, and Breezy and wound around all three tightly. The sudden constriction of the ropes tripped the pegasus and she fell flat onto her side. She frantically looked around, hoping desperately to see somepony, anypony that could do something.

That’s when she saw Barnes standing at the entrance of the apartment, completely unnoticed by the guffawing members of PER as she leveled her gun.

***

Sweetie Pop’s constant screaming was very distracting, and it was causing Rarity some difficultly healing the rather extensive wounds of the HLF member. Of course she couldn’t blame Sweetie Pop. There had just been a van full of armed madmen roll through the front window, gunshots, and explosions. Oh and a giant spider abomination was trying to kill them too.

“I could have been doing fashion shows in Canterlot right now, or eating sweets at one of Pinkie’s parties!” shouted the unicorn as she worked hard and fast to heal the wounds of HLF member. She felt like her energy was spent, but all she had to do was cast one more spell before the wounded man would be healed enough to live.

Hawk fired three shots at the abomination, each one connecting with thick chitin and dinging off harmlessly. “Come on ugly!” shouted the agent as he reloaded, “Get close to me! I dare you!”

‘What in Equestria does Twilight see in him?’ Rarity thought as she prepared the last spell she would likely be able to cast for some time. She squeezed her eyes shut and focused. Soon her horn glowed with magic, and crimson sparkles shot out from her horn’s tip. The sparkling little lights drifted down onto the wounded HLF member’s chest and sank into it, leaving behind faintly glowing spots where they entered. After the spots faded completely, Rarity looked at Hawk and in an exhausted voice said, “Alright, I finished healing him! Let’s get out of here befo-”

The spider crawled along the roof of the lobby, darting left and right as Hawk shot two more rounds at it with his revolver before quickly reloading. It suddenly leapt down at the man, its midsection slamming onto the marble desk and it lunged out at him with its two enormous front legs, pinning the Hawk’s shoulders to the wall. If Sweetie Pop’s screaming was loud before, now it could shatter glass.

Hawk responded to the arachnid’s pin by angling his pinned gun arm at the monster’s large mirrored eyes and unloading every shot he had left in the gun. The six bullets struck the giant spider in its two forward most eyes, and sent the abominable creature reeling in agony. Unfortunately the beast did not release the pressure on Hawk, and the man still found himself unable to move.

“A little help please?!” called Hawk as he tried to squirm out from under the spider’s legs. His eyes went wide as the huge fangs of the giant spider clicked and clacked in front of him, literally dripping with either drool or horribly deadly venom.

Rarity hopped up onto the desk and gave the beast a swift buck to the side, “Take that you horrible monster!”

The spider didn’t even register the little white unicorn. It continued to press its two forward most forelegs onto Hawk’s shoulders while its other six legs began easing it closer to its meal. The man redoubled his efforts of trying to break free as the dripping fangs of death came closer.

The unicorn continued to strike at the monster with her rear hooves, but still was having no effect whatsoever. Rarity decided that, seeing as how her kicks were doing no good, she would take some time to catch her breath. She stepped away from the monstrosity and rethought her plan of attack.

“Rarity!” called Hawk, “I wouldn’t mind if you, I dunno, shot it with a magic arrow or something!”

The spider lunged forward with its fangs going straight for the man’s rib cage.

Rarity’s heart skipped a beat. A single thought flashed through her mind, ‘No! If he dies, then poor Twilight will be single forever!’

Through either sheer luck or phenomenal skill, Hawk freed his shoulders from the pin and raised his hands while dropping his gun and the dynamite in the process. He grabbed the giant fangs before they could stab into his chest, and holding back the dripping fangs with all of his might, he could only grunt, “Any time now!”

“I don’t have any magic like that!” Rarity responded in a distraught tone. She was still recovering from almost seeing her friend’s alleged human lover die.

“Then stab it!”

“With what?! It’s not like I carry knives!”

The spider bore down harder on Hawk, and the pressure from it trying to get its fangs into the human was pushing the agent up the wall. “Use your horn!” shouted Hawk, his feet swinging an inch or two off the ground.

“B-but…” Rarity was going to argue her mane getting ruined or icky, but a quick look from Hawk stifled the urge. There wasn’t space on the desk to get a good charge going, so Rarity tried for one last spell. It was something Twilight had told her about back in their time in Ponyville, a spell that would increase one’s physical abilities for a very short time. Rarity lowered her head and concentrated, her horn giving the faintest of lights.

Hawk gave the spider a swift kick to its belly as a sign of defiance, “RARITY!”

The spell went off and Rarity could feel her muscles growing as adrenaline pumped through her veins. She opened her eyes and looked over her now large and muscular body. “By Celestia, this must be what Macintosh feel like!” Her eyes narrowed on the large horrible creature that sat squirming on the desk, “Now foul beast, you shall feel the mighty wrath of Rarity the unicorn!” She lowered her head and charged at the monstrous arachnid.

Her now ridiculously powerful legs shattered the marble desk as they kicked off and instead of simply running at the creature, Rarity was propelled through the air by the sheer force of her steps. Like a magnificent white arrow, the glorious unicorn sailed into the side of the giant spider horn first, piecing the chitin shell and sending both pony and creature hurtling off the desk and into the far wall.

The spider screeched and flailed it horrendously long legs about wildly as sickly green ichor poured from its side. Hawk, now free of imminent death, took up the stick of dynamite and lit it. Vaulting over the ruined desk, he spotted a curly purple tail amidst the scrambling mass of legs and green slime. With the fuse of the dynamite burning, Hawk ran towards the pony-impaled spider and yanked on the purple tail while simultaneously throwing the little red stick into the open wound. Scooping up the somewhat dazed unicorn, he then ran as fast as he could back behind the reception desk, where the other few ponies looked on in awe and horror.

The explosion sent spider bits and greenish goop everywhere.

***

Fluttershy shut her eyes tight as the PER ponies’ laughter was suddenly interrupted by several loud bangs. A warm liquid splashed over her face, and the laughter was replaced by shouting and yelling and more gun shots. The timid pegasus just kept her eyes closed and thought of her home in Ponyville.

“No! Please don’t kill me! PLEASE!” she heard the voice of Black Root plead, “Look! I surrender okay?”

“Drop the colt,” replied the cold voice of Barnes.

There was a thud and small “oomf!” as the sack hit the floor. The magic ropes that bound her faded and the yellow pegasus began to open her eyes, barely seeing a purple mound in front of her before Barnes called, “Keep your eyes closed Fluttershy.” The pegasus immediately complied. The woman called out again, “Azure Wind, are you alright?”

“Y-yes,” replied the sack.

“See? The little guy is fine! You can arrest me now!” spoke Black Root, his words filled with terror.

Barnes approached the unicorn, and Fluttershy heard a sudden crack followed by a dull thud. The pegasus began crying, as she heard the woman’s footsteps approach her. A soft hand touched her cheek and a soothing voice met her ears, “Fluttershy? Are you hurt?”

“N-no…” responded the pegasus between sniffles.

The hand rubbed the side of Fluttershy’s neck. “Thank goodness,” Barnes sighed in relief. “Oh my, you’ve got some of Bitter Frost all over you. Let me clean you up a bit, just keep your eyes closed okay?”

“Okay,” She replied meekly. The calmness of how the woman said that last line made Fluttershy feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Barnes left for a bit and after some sounds from the kitchen she soon returned. The mare felt a warm wash cloth being wiped across her face as Barnes hummed a rather chipper tune. After a few moments of this Barnes gave another sigh and said, “There, all cleaned up.”

Fluttershy began to open her eyes ever so slightly, “C-can I open my eyes now?”

“And can I please get out of this sack?” added Azure.

Barnes quickly put her hand over the mare’s eyes, “Not yet. The apartment is an absolute mess and…” The hand covering Fluttershy’s eyes began twitching and shaking, “…J-just keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them.”

Fluttershy once again shut her eyes tight and waited, trying to ignore the sounds of heavy things being dragged around the room.

***

“I am never ever doing that again. Ever.”

“I don’t know,” said Hawk as he peeled a piece of dried spider goo off Rarity’s neck, “I think it was totally cool how you went all buff and stuff.”

Rarity shot him an exhausted glare, “Oh yes. Because having the physique of a stallion bodybuilder is very befitting of a lady of leisure such as myself.”

Hawk shrugged as he peeled off more crispy goo, “You know, if the whole ‘I’m covered with spider guts’ thing really bugs you so much, I’m pretty sure there’s a bath in Mr. Norris’s apartment.”

“Oh no, I am not going into somepony’s home dragging…” She gestured to her new lime green coating which covered her from horn to tail, “…this in behind me.”

To their right came a small cough from the receptionist Sweetie Pop, “Excuse me, Mister…Hawk was it?”

“Yes ma’am, what can I do for you?” replied the man, plucking a big piece of the dried ichor from the unicorn’s mane.

“Listen, I’m really grateful and everything, and so are these two,” she gestured to the two other ponies beside her, “but…well I’m kinda wondering who’s going to pay for all these damages?”

Hawk and Rarity glanced at each other and then raised their heads above what was left of the reception desk. The front large windowed entrance was completely shattered, the magnificent fountain at the center of the room was broken and spraying water all over the floor, there was a large and heavily damaged van tipped over on its side not far from the fountain, not far from the van was a small crater, there were bits of spider coating just about everything, and the reception desk was nothing but rubble. Not to mention the various bodies of the HLF strewn about the room.

Bringing their heads back down with faces of mild shock, Rarity turned to look at Hawk with disbelief. “You absolutely wreaked the entire lobby…How could you wreak the entire lobby?”

The human simply shrugged, “You get into all sorts of mischief with explosives.” He then cocked an eyebrow and added, “And you’re taking these dead bodies lying around way better than I thought you would.”

“Please Agent Hawk, I am a part time medical mare. Do give me some credit.”

“Ahem,” Sweetie Pop interrupted again, “Sorry to interrupt again, but my job might hinge on who’s paying for this, so…?”

Hawk turned to Sweetie Pop and said in a calm and confident manner, “We work for Princess Celestia, so send her the bill.”

“Hawk!” Rarity chided, “We can’t bill the Princess! It’s so…rude!”

“Do you want to pay for it, oh generous one?” responded the man.

Thinking hard for a brief moment, Rarity came to a conclusion. She gave Sweetie Pop a gentle smile and said, “Well with all the new bits coming from the new-foals, the Princess can probably afford it.” Looking at Hawk she added, “Besides, I’m sure we can make it up to the Princess with a nice party with lots of fabulous gifts.”

Hawk patted the unicorn on the back and gave her a big smile as he rose to his feet, “That’s my kind of thinking Miss Lady Rarity. Now let’s get back to the apartment so we can get you washed up.”

“Let us indeed!” replied Rarity as she shakily stood as well. She was exhausted from using so much magic, and a bath was just what she needed most. “Onwards to the elevator!”

Hawk and Rarity gingerly stalked through the ruined lobby, avoiding the somewhat smoking bodies of the HLF, towards the nearest elevator. Hawk pushed the ‘up’ button and the elevator doors dinged open. Stepping inside, Hawk gave the three ponies that had remained in the lobby a tip of his hat while Rarity delivered them a very graceful bow. The elevator dinged again and the two of them disappeared behind the sliding doors.

As Sweetie Pop watched the doors close, she came to a realization. The HLF member was still lying unconscious on the floor next to her. “Wait! What do I do with this guy?!” she called out after them, but she knew they couldn’t hear her. She returned to the spot she usually stood during her shift and sat on her haunches sighing heavily, “This day sucks.”

***

Barnes was waiting for them outside the apartment’s door as stiff and unyielding as a statue. Upon seeing Hawk and Rarity approaching, she quickly called out, “Agent Hawk, you and Mr. Norris’s presence has been requested by the New Foalsome Police Department in regards to today’s attacks.”

“Ah great,” lamented Hawk, “paper work.”

“Indeed,” replied Barnes as she opened the door and entered. A few moments later, a very groggy John Norris walked out, partially supported by a painfully green earth pony. They both seemed rather beat up, and John in particular looked like he had a swell bump on his head.

“You assholes owe me a new TV,” stated John as he attempted to point at Hawk, “and new carpets.”

“No need to be so crass Mr. Norris,” Rarity soothingly spoke to him, “Every financial detail will be taken care of, don’t you fret.” She leaned her head a bit closer, “However, if you need somepony to redecorate, I am always available.”

John was about to say something before Barnes reemerged, leading a black unicorn stallion with a yellow mane, out of the apartment. “This is an agent of PER. I have left him alive for questioning by the police.”

“I’ll keep my eye on him then,” said Hawk as he drew his revolver and pointed it at the black unicorn. “Come on then Mr. Norris, let’s not keep the police waiting,” said Hawk as he rolled his eyes, “Just like Six-Tribes to show up after I kill the giant spider.”

“Giant spider?!” yelled both John and his pony support. Hawk just shrugged and walked on down the hallway, followed closely by the other man and the green earth pony.

Once they were out of earshot, Barnes turned to Rarity and asked in her usual emotionless tone, “Rarity, would you like to join Ms. Fluttershy and Azure Wind on the roof with me? We have a table set up and waiting for you.”

“What?” asked the unicorn more tired than confused.

“It is currently quarter till noon, and I believe you are owed a tea party,” replied the woman, with only the faintest of smiles on the corners of her mouth.

Rarity looked herself over, “But I’m just so…well filthy, and I…”

Barnes placed her left hand onto the unicorn’s head. “Rarity,” she said in a voice as warm as daylight, “Fluttershy is having a tough time dealing with what happened during the PER attack, and I think she needs a friend right now more than she needs tea.”

Rarity looked into the reflective shades of the woman’s aviator sunglasses and saw herself. Her mane was in worse shape than she thought, and most of her coat was still caked with the spider’s ichor. Sighing, she smiled at Barnes and said, “Well then I guess I’ll just take a bath afterwards. Nothing like a nice herbal spa treatment after a good cup of tea I always say!” She trotted down the hallway, noticing that Barnes hesitated to follow her. Turning she called, “Coming Captain Barnes?”

“I’m still waiting for the tea,” she replied warmly with her hands behind her back, “You go on, I’ll be there in no time.”

Rarity gave another prize winning smile, “Suit yourself darling. I shall eagerly await your arrival.” She continued to trot down the hallway and out of sight.

Barnes looked at her left arm as it twitched and spasmed, her expression grim. Black veins could be seen beneath the skin. “You shouldn’t be touching them Barnes,” she whispered to herself in her cold voice, “It’s not good for our health.”

The End of Episode 3
About
God
Damn
Time
I mean really,
holy shit
Anyway, Episode 4 coming…
…well I don’t know yet because I’m really bad with dates

Episode 4: Dead Beat

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi (It’s like he doesn’t know how to write!)

Episode: 4
Dead Beat

____________________________________________________________________________

After foiling the attempts of both the HLF and PER in New Foalsome, the human agents under the command of Agent Hawk and the Elements of Harmony led by Twilight Sparkle are recuperating at the Manhattan Conversion Bureau. With the addition of the ‘Odin,’ a powerful aircraft that is mysteriously capable of teleportation, the two teams are now capable of battling the various monstrosities born of wild magic all over the world.
____________________________________________________________________________

“DJ Pon-3?” asked the delivery pegasus as he stuck his head into the sound room.

The white unicorn with spiky blue hair did not turn to face her new visitor. “Offstage you can just call me Vinyl Scratch bro, how can I help?” she replied, her head moving in rhythm with the music playing from her soundboard

The pegasus presented a large tan folder and a clipboard to the DJ, “This came in the mail for you, and I need your signature.”

The unicorn looked up from her soundboard and smiled, “Aw jamming! Must be some music for my world tour.” She levitated a pen from a nearby coffee mug and scribbled the letters “VS” on the delivery pony’s clipboard, “There’s your autograph hot stuff.”

The pony smiled weakly and handed the unicorn her package before making a quick exit. The folder definitely had a record in it, though it felt heavier than the unicorn was used to. Ignoring the issue, she surveyed the package and found no return address or any clue as to where the thing came from. Only a single line of instruction across the front, “Play at midnight.”

Vinyl cocked an eyebrow, “Weird. Must be from a fan.” Shaking her head, she magically removed the contents of the tan folder. It was an oddest looking record she’d ever seen. There were five gold lines criss-crossing over the disc forming star with no label at its center, and around the edges were weird looking runes. Shrugging, she hovered the record onto a nearby turntable and lifted a pair of earphones to her head, “Well let’s give it a spin.” The record began to play, and after a short time the unicorn smiled while bobbing her head to the beat. “Slammin’.”

***

Twilight was feeling rather well this evening. Not only had she gotten a good night’s sleep the previous night, but the news of her friends safe return put a little extra spring in her step. She was currently enjoying the rather comfortable couches of the communication lounge with her friends. She and the others were taking in Rarity’s, rather dramatic, retelling of the events that had occurred during the last mission.

"A giant spider?” asked Applejack from her spot on the carpet, “Gosh that sounds right awful.”

“Oh believe me Applejack, it was,” responded Rarity, who sat next to the orange pony, “But not nearly as awful as what I had to do to get all of its...innards...out of my mane.”

Rainbow Dash tried to stifle a laugh as she rolled over onto her back, but failed to do so in a subtle fashion. Through her snickering, she was able to say, “I’m sorry Rarity, but the thought of you covered in spider guts is pretty funny.” Soon the pegasus broke out into open laughter at the mental image of the dainty unicorn covered in a sticky ichor. The laughter proved contagious as it spread to each of six ponies.

The white unicorn stared daggers at the pegasus. “I assure you Rainbow Dash, that there is nothing 'funny' about my mane getting completely ruined!”

“I don’t know, I thought it was kinda funny,” came Hawk’s voice from the doorway. The ponies all turned to face the human and offered quick greetings as the man strode into the center of them.

“To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence Agent Hawk?” inquired Rarity, glad that the human had interrupted her friends’ laughter.

Dash flew to his eye level and excitedly asked, “Do we have another mission? ‘Cause I am ready as ever to get back out there and kick some flank!”

“Are we having a party?!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie as she placed her forelegs on the man’s waist.

Hawk put up his hands and backed up from the onslaught of ponies, “Whoa there! Slow down a bit and let me talk.” The ponies each took a seat in front of the human and exchanged small chortles and giggles as they waited for him to speak. “Thank you ladies. Anyway, no we don’t have a mission yet. What I came to tell you is that me and the rest of my team have gotten together and we think we have found a way to streamline things as far as who goes on missions.”

Twilight gave the man a hurt look, “You organized stuff without me?”

“Not my fault,” Hawk shot back quickly, “You were so deep into your research you didn’t even register me telling you about the meeting earlier.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow and thought back to earlier that day. Three hours prior she had been reading a book about Fairies and Elves when someone had entered and spoke to her. Her memory was a bit foggy, but what she did remember was that whoever it was left her a daffodil sandwich and a cup of juice. ‘Hawk brought me a snack! How sweet,’ she thought as her cheeks began to blush ever so slightly. Her face went pale however, as a new thought crossed her mind, ‘And you just ignored him and ate his food without so much as saying thank you.’

“Twi? You okay?” asked Applejack, eyeing the unicorn who seemed to be losing a great deal of color from her face.

“Wha-?” started Twilight as she snapped back to reality.

“Yeah Twilight! You’re starting to look like Rarity!” added Pinkie Pie snorting on a laugh. “Oh could you imagine two Rarity’s? They could make dresses for each other and use each other as models and-”

"And one of us could go back to my boutique in Ponyville,” stated Rarity as she gave a small, wistful sigh.

There was a silence following the fashionista’s statement that hung in the air uncomfortably for a few seconds. Finally, Hawk clapped his hands together and said, “Well okey dokey, back to why I’m here. Me and the rest of my team have agreed that it would be best if one of us agents were assigned to each of you ponies, sort of like partners.”

“We each get a human?!” shouted Pinkie excitedly, “Ohboyohboyohboy!” The pink earth pony leapt onto the back of the couch and began singing, “My little human, my little human, la la la LAAAAA!” Twilight quickly summoned a muzzle over Pinkie’s mouth, reducing the eccentric pink pony’s song to nothing but a series of hums.

Giving a thankful smile to Twilight, Hawk went on, “Anyway, all that’s left before we make this list official is your yays or neighs.”

“Well get on with it!” called Dash, “I want to know who I’m teamed up with!”

Clearing his throat, Hawk began to read, “Right, so first we have Zorro and Rarity...”

Rarity allowed a smile to cross her face. “Thank Celestia, I get the one who knows how to treat a lady and behave in public! Not to mention groom himself...”

He ignored the offhand jab aimed at him and continued, “...Megan with Applejack and Rainbow Dash...”

Dash and Applejack exchanged pleased expressions before a competitive smile crossed their faces.

“...Dimitri with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy...”

Pinkie made muffled shouts of joy as she bounded around the room, while Fluttershy gave a quiet little, “Whoo hoo.”

“...and finally, myself and Twilight as team leaders.”

Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash all exchanged subtle and knowing nods. Twilight however, furrowed her brow as she stated, “Wait a second Agent Hawk, I think you left someone off your list. What about Captain Barnes?”

The man gave her a flat look, “She said that she did not think any of you would want to be her partner, and promptly left the meeting to go do maintenance on the Odin.”

“Well that doesn’t make a single iota of sense,” said Rarity, “Any of us would simply love to be partnered with her.”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Fluttershy as she jumped to her hooves. When she noticed her outburst gained the attention of everyone in the room, she quickly lowered her head and quietly continued, “I-I mean...I wouldn’t mind being her partner. I know that I can be a bit of a hoof-full sometimes, and I don’t want to over burden Dimitri with both Pinkie and myself. I wouldn’t mind being partnered with Captain Barnes. If that’s alright with you I mean. ”

Hawk cocked a rather suspicious eyebrow, “I’ll ask her about it.”

As the man turned to leave, the incoming transmission alarm began to blare from the large television screen that covered the wall of the lounge. Swearing under his breath, Hawk rushed over to it and pressed a few buttons. He moved to stand in the center of the screen’s view, quickly joined by Twilight and the other ponies. The screen came to life with the glorious form of Princess Celestia standing in the center of the White House’s oval office.

“Hello my dear little ponies,” began Celestia as she gave a radiant smile, “and a fine hello to you as well Agent Hawk.”

Twilight and her friends all bowed their heads while Hawk simply tipped his hat. “G’morning Princess, might I ask where Joe is?”

The alicorn looked to the side a bit as she continued, “President Joseph is in the other room and will be along shortly.” A mischievous smirk crossed her divine features, “Of course I wanted to learn how to use this machine, so I decided to call you all and have a little chat before he gets here.” The godess’s gentle eyes looked at each of their faces, “So my little ones, how have you all been fairing? With Spike serving my sister instead of Twilight, I fear that I have been unable to keep up with you all as much as I’d like.”

Twilight leapt at the chance to speak first, “We’re all doing fine my Princess, Hawk and the other humans are keeping us all safe and sound. We’re all becoming really close.”

Celestia beamed at the news. “That is good to hear my student. I am glad you and your friends are getting along so well with your guardians. To be completely honest, I was becoming worried that you all would be uncomfortable living with human soldiers.” A quiet voice came from somewhere off screen to Celestia’s left that drew her gaze. Pouting slightly, she returned her soft eyes to Twilight and her friends. “Well I suppose we’ll have to talk later. President Joseph is ready to give you your assignment.”

The aged face of President Joseph moved into view of the screen. Hawk pulled himself away from the couch and stood, offering a salute to the commander and chief. Returning the salute lazily, the President said, “Hello there agents, I have some good news for those of you going on the mission today.”

Dash nudged Applejack, “Hear that? Now we’re ‘Agents!’ How cool is that?” The orange pony just rolled her eyes and gazed up at the human on the screen.

"What’s the news Joe?” asked Hawk putting his hands on his hips.

The President pressed a button from somewhere off screen that showed the overhead map of some city. “This is Paris, France. The site of your next mission.”

Rarity’s eyes grew wide as saucers.

“We detected a spike of magical energy in the city three hours ago, the odd thing was that the readings disappeared almost immediately. Princess Celestia believes these are signs of a recently awakened artifact.”

“Recently awakened?” inquired Twilight.

The President glanced at the Princess, who nodded for the President to continue. Sighing, Joseph said, “Celestia believes that someone tried to activate the artifact’s magic, but whoever it was didn’t meet the special requirements these things apparently have from time to time. As such, the artifact has ‘awoken’ and is now absorbing any ambient magic it can in order to feed itself until its requirements are met.

All we know right now is that the energy spike came from the night club ‘L'Insomnie,’ which also happens to be hosting an all night party. A party being DJ’d by one Vinyl Scratch, otherwise known as DJ PON-3.” A picture of a large and trendy night club with many neon lights adorning its entrance appeared on the screen, accompanied by a photograph of a white unicorn with spiky blue hair and very large sunglasses.

“EE noo er!” mumbled Pinkie Pie through her muzzle.

“Oh my goodness, Pinkie’s still muzzled!” Twilight flushed from embarrassment as she quickly undid her spell. “Sorry Pinkie.”

“Not a problem Twilight!” responded the pink pony pleasantly, “Wany-hoo, all I said was that we know Vinyl! She comes from Ponyville, just like us!”

“Then I guess getting into the club won’t be a problem,” continued Joseph, “because whatever this artifact is, it needs to be quarantined immediately. There’s no telling what mischief it could cause. As such, seeing as how we want the least amount of collateral damage,” he added with a stern glance to Hawk, “I am sending agents Megan and Zorro on this mission.”

Hawk placed his hands on his hips and grinned widely, “About time Zorro got off his duff.”

Joseph moved behind his desk in the oval office and glared daggers at the human agent, “And I do not want to hear from Megan or Zorro that you smuggled any high explosives into their supplies Agent Hawk.”

Hawk responded with a frown, “Well that’s just no fun at all Joe.” Upon seeing the President’s intensifying glare, the man rolled his eyes and huffed, “Aye aye sir. No high explosives.”

“Good luck Agents,” said the President as Celestia gave a quick wave of her hoof to Twilight. The screen blinked off and the six ponies instantly began talking amongst themselves.

Rarity was smiling from ear to ear and kept repeating, “I’m going to Paris!” as she galloped out of the room and down into the hallway. “I’M GOING TO PARIS!”

By the time the alabaster unicorn had gotten to the end of the hallway, Twilight, Hawk, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie had filtered out of the lounge and moved towards the lobby, while Applejack and Rainbow Dash were in the middle of a discussion.

"Ah’m tellin’ ya Rainbow, ah can’t go! Ah gotta help Fluttershy take care of her animals,” stated the farm pony with a sigh.

“Ugh, but Rarity will probably try and get us all to go shopping or something. I won’t have anypony to talk to!”

The orange pony placed a hoof on Dash’s shoulder and gave a comforting look, “Ya’ll have Megan won’t ‘cha? She’s a right fine person ta talk to. ‘Sides, you’ll be at a party! It’ll be full of fun stuff to do!”

“I do like fun stuff,” replied the blue pegasus as a confident smile spread across her face.

“There’s the Rainbow Dash ah know, now go on and show those ponies over there how us Equestrian fillies dance!” shouted Applejack.

“HELL YEAH!” Dash and Applejack bumped their front hooves together, and with an air of confidence the pegasus flew out the open window in a blur.

***

The streets of Paris gave a collective shout of surprise as a large boom echoed throughout the night sky. The Odin’s engines roared as the ship soared over the city in search of a place to land. Finding a suitable spot in the very large and exquisite garden outside the Louvre, the mighty ship touched down and its occupants disembarked.

Rarity was the first one out and her eyes went wide at the sight of the glimmering city. The sparkling lights of the buildings that danced over the surface of the river, the beautiful architecture of the ancient buildings, and the magnificent spire in the distance that rose above the streets and illuminated the sky caused the unicorn to become absolutely giddy.

Her heart was beating faster every passing second as her excitement built up more and more, “Oh Celestia, it’s more wonderful than I imagined it’d be! The brochures don’t do it justice at all!”

Zorro descended the platform after the unicorn, sporting his usual loose black shirt, black fencing gloves, form fitting black pants with stylish black boots, and an elegant sword at his hip. Following him was Megan, who had a large briefcase in one hand and an old Winchester repeater in the other. Next to the blond woman walked Rainbow Dash who stared around at the scenery with a bored expression.

“It doesn’t look so great to me,” said the pegasus flatly.

Zorro flashed Dash a quick smile, “Do not be so quick to judge pequeña, The City of Lights holds many exciting little nooks and crannies. You just need to know where to look.”

“Don’t you dare take them to one of your hangouts Z,” Megan chided as she strapped her Winchester into a holster on her back.

“One of the few times I am in Paris I am denied a little bit of romance. Truly you have a cruel heart,” the man pouted. Megan replied by gently punching him in the ribs as she walked over to Dash, who was yawning out her boredom.

“Hey there Rainbow,” said the woman kneeling down to match Dash’s eye level, “You ready for this?”

The pegasus’s expression brightened considerably, “Are you kiddin’? I was born ready! Just tell me what to do and The Dash will get it done in a flash!”

The humans and Rarity began snickering slightly, much to Dash’s confusion. “‘The Dash will get it done in a flash,’ huh?” quoted the woman.

Rainbow Dash sat on her haunches and glared at her companions, “Yeah, what about it? I thought if I was going to be a superhero, I might as well make up a catchphrase or something. I mean at least it’s original.”

"Sure thing sugar cube,” said Megan patting Dash on the head, “Well if ‘The Dash’ could do us the honor of getting to the club and letting them know we’re coming, maybe we can take out this artifact before it hurts anyone.”

“Right! I’ll be there in ten seconds flat!” shouted the pegasus as she leapt into the air and shot off like a bullet.

Rarity trotted over to the humans, “Not that I doubt Rainbow Dash’s speed or ability or anything, but does she even know where the club is?”

***

A roofless jeep carrying two humans and a white unicorn rolled down the street and parked outside the lively dance club. Ponies of every sort and color were lined up outside and awaiting entry to the trendy hot spot of night life. As the three exited the vehicle, they noticed a certain rainbow colored pegasus arguing with a the bouncer pony.

Rarity rolled her eyes and summoned a compact mirror with her horn. “Well it seems Dash is still a savant at making new friends,” she said dryly. Making some final adjustments to her main she dispelled the mirror and began walking towards the bouncer, “Come on darlings, let’s go introduce ourselves before Rainbow challenges the poor boy to a race.”

Megan and Zorro exchanged bemused glances as they followed the mare up to where Rainbow Dash and the bouncer were arguing. As they grew closer they could make out their yelling through the heavy beats of the music that came from within the club.

“-at are you even saying?! You’re a pony! Can’t you speak Equestrian?! Listen, I AM RAINBOW DASH. I am part of the ELITE EQUESTRIAN GUARD!” screamed the blue pegasus.

“Vous n'êtes pas sur la liste que vous stupide, sortir d'ici!” replied the bouncer.

She was rapidly losing her cool, “Did you just call me stupid?! OH IT IS ON! How about a race you piece of-”

“Rainbow Dash!” shouted Rarity.

The pegasus spun her head to face her friend, looking extremely frustrated. “Thank Celestia you’re here Rarity. This guy is talking smack and I don’t think I can hold back from giving him a buck to his face for much longer!”

Rarity sighed and shook her head, “My dear girl, gaining entry to a party that you weren’t invited to takes gentle persuasion, not brute force.” She gave a mischievous smirk to Dash as she passed her. Turning to the bouncer, the sultry unicorn gave the large brown stallion her best pout. “Please excuse my friend sir, I’m afraid she has terrible manners. I am Lady Rarity, and my companions and I really need to get into this fine establishment. I would just be ever so grateful if you let us pass.”

The bouncer blushed at the the elegant unicorn’s pleading eyes and sorrowfully pouting lip. He stepped aside and bowed his head, “Soyez mon invité madame.”

Rarity gave a dainty bow of her head to the bouncer and entered the building, followed closely by Rainbow Dash, who made sure to stick her tongue out at him as she passed.

As Megan and Zorro moved to enter, the bouncer blocked their path with a hoof saying, “Excusez-moi Monsieur et Mademoiselle, mais vous n'êtes pas autorisé à apporter des armes ici. Ou n'importe où je pense.” He glanced between the two of them, worry beginning to enter his features.

“Nous sommes sur une mission de sécurité nationale. Restez en dehors de notre chemin,” replied Megan as she moved past the bouncer.

Zorro followed behind her and offered a shrug to the guard, “She certainly has a way with words doesn’t she?”

***

The interior of the the club was beyond loud. The pounding techno beats reverberated in the bodies of everyone present, and the bright neon lights and assorted glow sticks of the party goers were a stark contrast to the otherwise dark atmosphere. The dancing forms of ponies in various rave attire covered the dance floor and surrounded the DJ booth, which sat at the center of the multicolored mob. It was not unlike a gazebo adorned with long glowing rods, and inside the metallic structure sat a white unicorn with large purple glasses and a frizzled blue mane. Rarity, Zorro, Rainbow Dash, and Megan all stood on the balcony overlooking the dance floor, the weapons of the humans acting as an effective deterrent for curious ponies and giving the group the space they needed to think.

Dash nudged Megan’s leg with a wing and shouted over the music, “What do we do now? That artifact could be anything in here right?”

“Yup,” replied the woman.

“So how the hay do we find it?!”

Megan calmly looked at the pegasus and replied “I have no idea sugar cube.”

Dash gave a frustrated groan as she turned to the other human, “How about you sword guy, you got any ideas?”

Zorro broke his eyes away from the dancing mass beneath him and regarded her with a thoughtful look before saying, “Unless Lady Rarity can detect other sources of magic, then no I do not.”

Their eyes looked at the unicorn who gazed right back at them slightly annoyed, “Don’t look at me! I only know spells that help with finding gems, sewing, and healing. I am sure that the last thing we need right now is for me to whip up a new gown, or change the color of your manes! Twilight is the one for whatever stunning, ‘save the day,’ spell you want.”

Megan’s face flashed with inspiration. “Actually Rarity, a change in hair color may be just what we need.”

Rarity gave a confused look, “Oh darling why? You mane color is beautiful as it is.”

The woman plucked four blond hairs from her head and held them out to Rarity, “Do you think you could make these glow?”

“Well,” the unicorn glanced at the woman’s eager face and the four hairs she was holding and took a gulp, “given the lighting...yes I suppose I could darling, but I still don’t see where you’re going with this.”

Closing her eyes, Rarity scrunched up her face in concentration as her horn glowed with a small dazzling spark. Four small rays of light shot out from the tip of her horn and began moving along the hairs in the woman’s hand, the strands changing from blond to a luminescent white as the rays moved along their length. The spell ended as the rays reached the end of the hairs, causing Rarity to gasp as if she had been holding her breath.

“There you are darling, four lovely white hairs that glow. Now if you don’t mind me asking, why did you have me perform this little service?”

“You’re about to find out,” said Megan as she held one strand of the enchanted hair over the edge of the balcony. A wide smile spread across her face as the far end of the hair was pulled on by some invisible force towards some spot in the churning crowd.

“Okay, why is it doing that?” asked Dash bluntly.

Megan gave a hair to each of her companions, “This artifact absorbs faint or weak magical energy so I thought that if we put a small enchantment on something lighter than a feather, the pull on the magic from the artifact would tug on the hairs...”

“…and give us a compass that points towards what we are looking for,” finished Zorro as his own smile began to mirror Megan’s, “You clever girl.”

Dash pumped a hoof into the air “Aw yeah! Now we’re in business!”

The music suddenly stopped and the room went unnaturally quite as a smooth voice blared through the speakers, “THIS IS DJ PON-3 WITH YOU AS WE CONTINUE OUR EUROBEAT TOUR’S COUNTDOWN TO MIDNIGHT RIGHT HERE IN PARIS! ONLY TEN MINUTES UNTIL THE HOUR AND THE MOMENT WHERE I HIT YA’LL WITH THE BRAND NEW JAM THAT’S GUARANTEED TO KNOCK YOU DEAD!” The crowd cheered, stomped, and began dancing all the harder at the news.

Zorro sighed, “Why is it there is always a time limit to these sort of things?”

“Time limit, shlime limit!” said Rainbow pounding a hoof to her chest, “I’ll find that crummy old artifact before you know it, and then we can all go party!”

“Sounds like a plan to me sugar cube!” added Megan as she moved towards the stairs. “Okay ladies, let’s start at the outside and work our way in, let’s go!”

Zorro took a long look at the enchanted and shimmering hair in his hand before Rarity poked his leg with her hoof and looked at him with a smirk. “Is that the hair of your fair damsel Mr. Zorro?” she asked coyly while also giving a slight flutter of her eyelashes.

The man clenched his hand into a fist around the hair and smiled back down at the unicorn, “No time for sad stories niña, there is a party to crash.”

***

“Come on, where are you?” grumbled Rainbow Dash as she hovered above the crowd.

It was hard enough getting a reading with all the other pegasi asking her to dance and ‘accidentally’ bumping into her, but the fact that she had to scan the crowd slowly was making this an agonizing process. Any sudden movements would cause the hair to shake and wobble, and it would take a few seconds before it would right itself. That and she had to avoid standing to close to an air conditioning vent or else the breeze would ruin everything.

She gave a frustrated huff and looked around for the others hoping to get some bearing on what she should do. The humans were easy enough to spot, as they towered over the only pony crowd. No doubt their search was going better than Dash’s, probably because the party goers were giving them plenty of space to do their thing. Rarity wasn’t that hard to find either, she was the mare that was surrounded by all the drooling stallions. Dash rolled her eyes and flew towards the DJ’s booth at the center of the dance floor, forgoing the search for a small break and to catch up with a familiar face.

As she was making her way there, Vinyl Scratch leaned over to the microphone and declared, “ONE MINUTE TO MIDNIGHT! HOLD ONTO YOUR FLANKS BRONIES ‘CAUSE THINGS ARE GONNA GET WILD!”

The pegasus had to shake her head for a second or two to stop the ringing in her ears, “Note to self: don’t hover next to speakers during a rave.” Recomposing herself, she flew down next to Vinyl in the surprisingly large DJ booth. The unicorn DJ apparently didn’t notice her touch down, so Dash decided it would be polite to get her attention, “Hey Vinyl! What’s up?”

Vinyl Scratch jumped at the sudden greeting and spun on her heels to face her surprise visitor. “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Personal boundaries there lady! This here is a private box, ex-nay on the ans f-ay, and that means you gotta boogie on outta here pronto!”

Dash gave Vinyl a flat look as she replied, “Vinyl, it’s me. Rainbow Dash? We knew each other back in Ponyville?”

The unicorn stayed silent for a moment as the pieces clicked into place. “Oh snap! I thought you looked familiar! I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you dude, it’s been a while since we last hung out. Anyway, how’re things jammin’ my radically rainbow friend?”

“Well,” said the pegasus as she leaned in close to Vinyl, casting quick glances around the room while a boastful smile spread over her face, “I’m on a mission from Princess Celestia herself!”

Scratch gasped in shock, “What? How did you end up working for the Princess? Last I heard about ‘The Best Flier in Equestria,’ was that she was teaching new-foals how to fly and pushing pencils.”

“Nah, that was just a cover,” Dash lied, “Me and my friends have been doing stuff for the Princess since we got to human lands.”

“Really?” asked Vinyl excitedly, “What kind of stuff?”

Dash soaked up the attention like a sponge, “Oh you know, secret agent spy stuff. Totally classified. I’d have to wipe your memory if you ever found out.”

The DJ just smiled and began nodding, “Slammin.” There was a deep boom from the speakers which caused both mares to jump. “Aw hay bales! Is it midnight already? Just a sec Dash, I gotta do this.” Vinyl levitated an odd looking record out from a nearby egg crate and proceeded to place it on her record player. She then hovered her microphone over to her mouth and called, “ALL RIGHT COLTS AND FILLIES, THIS IS DJ PON-3 SAYIN’ THAT IT. IS. MIDNIGHT!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and stomped their hooves in anticipation for what they knew was coming.

“YEAH LET ME HEAR IT BRONIES! I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN WAITING ALL NIGHT TO HEAR THIS, AND LET ME TELL YA GUYS, IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT!” The crowd’s cheering grew louder than before, and the building shook from their applause.

Dash felt a slight tug from the enchanted hair. Her brow furrowed as she saw it was pointing towards Vinyl.

“NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADIUE, I GIVE YOU THE RECORD WITH NO NAME!”

She double checked. It wasn’t pointing at Vinyl, but instead at her side. At the record. Dash looked up in terror as the vinyl disc began to spin unable to say anything other than, “Aw shit.”

***

The record began spinning faster and faster, and with each passing second seemed to give off an ever intensifying green glow while a chilled breeze blew out from it. Megan, Zorro, and Rarity each converged on the DJ booth to see Rainbow Dash pushing Vinyl out of it with her head. The mob looked on in awe as the glow from the record became brighter and more vibrant, and some even began to cheer at the new spectacle.

“Dash!” called Megan as she ran up to the pegasus, “Are you okay?!”

Rainbow Dash looked at the woman’s worried face and was able to give her a smile as she said, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” She looked back to the DJ’s booth with a serious expression, “I’d be worrying about that.”

Green arcs of lightning began crackling through the air from the artifact and down into the earth. The crowd of party goers began screaming as bolts of the unnatural lightning began shooting into the mass of ponies. The panicked mob began making for every exit they saw in every way they could, nearly trampling several ponies in the process. Arcs of magical lightning continued to spring out of the artifact and showed no sign of stopping as the cold wind grew stronger.

The dance floor was now more akin to a storm than what it used to be. Miraculously, it appeared all the party goers had been able to escape to the upper levels unharmed, a small handful even remaining on the balcony to watch the events that were unfolding before them with awe.

“Now what?” asked Rarity as she braced herself against the increasing buffets of wind.

“The record is the artifact!” Dash called over the howling air, “Maybe if we blow it up, things will go back to normal!” The pegasus looked at the humans expectantly, and upon seeing exchange worried glances asked, “Well?”

"‘Well’ what?” replied Megan.

Dash rolled her eyes, “What do you think I meant when I said blow it up? Didn’t you bring any bombs or anything?”

Megan shrugged and gave the pegasus an apologetic look, “Sorry, but Joe said no high explosives, and I don’t think Hawk smuggled any C4 into our supplies this time!”

“Not true!” called Zorro producing a small cube of the explosive putty. “It is not much, but it should get the job done!”

Megan looked at the small piece of C4 with a stunned expression, which was quickly replaced with a bemused smile. “He is going to get into soooo much trouble when we get home.”

Zorro gave a hearty laugh and replied, “Not if Joe doesn’t find out!” With one fluid motion he placed a detonation pin into the putty and gripped it tightly.

Dash pumped a hoof into the air and shouted, “That’s what I’m talking about! Now let’s get tha-OH HORSE APPLES!” The pegasus found herself being lifted off the floor by the strong gusts of wind. “HELP!” she cried out as she began flailing with her legs.

“I got ya!” Megan jumped for the blue pegasus and wrapped her arms around Dash as they both sailed a few feet through the air and tumbled to the ground. Cradling the flustered pony in her arms, Megan made sure they were both on the ground before calling out, “Zorro, Rarity! Blow that booth sky high while I get the DJ to a safe distance!”

Zorro nodded as he began to carefully trudge through the screaming winds towards the DJ’s booth, Rarity following close next to him. “I really wish this wind would stop! The windswept look is out of style this month!” Rarity cried over the screaming storm.

The hurricane that was the dance floor suddenly and abruptly stopped as the last arc of magical lightning sank into the dance floor. Vinyl Scratch, who had been clinging to the hand-rails of the DJ booth’s steps for dear life, adjusted her large purple glasses as she gazed around the vacant dance floor. “Do your wishes get answered often?”

The glamorous unicorn smiled at the DJ as she approached her, “If they did, I’d be in my boutique with a handsome red stallion keeping me company.”

Vinyl let go of the hand rail and began let go a chortle, “Sounds better than hanging around here, and if it’s all the same to you peeps, I’m going to bounce out of here before that thing starts shooting lightning everywhere again.”

Megan released her hold on Rainbow Dash and gestured towards the balcony and the small crowd of onlookers, “Could you take them with you?”

The DJ gave a resolute nod and galloped towards the stairs shouting, “Hey all you ponies up there, time to book it!”

Soon, both the DJ and the crowd of ponies had left the building, as the human agents and remaining two ponies gathered around the DJ’s booth. “Is that it then?” asked Zorro as he produced the small cube of C4, “Just a lot of lightning?”

The earth started to shake.

“You just had to say something,” Megan said flatly.

Giving an apologetic grin to the woman and rushed to the the stairs of the DJ’s booth, but tripped as a skeletal hand exploded from the ground and gripped his ankle, sending the cube of C4 tumbling a short distance away. All over the dance floor, more bony hands burst through the glass floor.

“What the hay is going on?!” shouted Dash as bony claws erupted from the ground near her. Instinctively she flew into the air and over to where Rarity was cowering from the dirty hands that grasped at her.

Megan ran through the field of emerging skeletal hands and arms towards the DJ booth calling, “If I had to guess I would say the artifact animated a helluva lot of skeletons!” Once the woman arrived at the side of the booth, she wrenched one of the over-sized glow sticks that were strapped to its side. “Zorro, you might want to switch from something slashy to something a tad more smashy!” she called as she held the glow stick above her head.

The man kicked the hand that gripped his leg and easily shattered the brittle and aged bone. “Tenía que ser esqueletos!” he shouted as he got to his feet and ran for the cube of C4, “Ladies now would be a good time to get close to us! Things are about to get very interesting around here soon!”

“Interesting?!” screamed Rarity as she charged through the small field of grasping hands, arriving next to Megan with not a single hair out of place. Her expression was a mix of anger and panic as she looked over to Zorro and shouted, “Are you sure you don’t mean horrifying? I know how you humans tend to confuse dying with fun so I just want to make sure!”

Dash landed next to the glamorous unicorn and gave her friend a small pat on the back with her wing, “Come on Rarity, we’re about to fight skeletons in a rave party with glow sticks! How can this not be fun?”

The unicorn harrumphed as she magically tore a glow stick of her own off the booth, “I can think of a dozen ways darling, and half of them involve my mane being ruined.”

More of the skeletal bodies were emerging from the ground as the undead monstrosities pulled themselves out of their long buried graves.

Zorro moved next to Dash with the cube of C4 in one hand and a long glow stick in the other. “Dash,” he said outstretching a hand to the pegasus, “ if you could please place this on the artifact?”

“Right!” replied the pegasus eagerly as she took the small putty cube in her mouth. She lifted off and hovered into the DJ booth where the artifact now lay dormant.

Most of the skeletons had fully emerged from the depths and glared at the only living things in the room with sinister green flames where their eyes should have been. The hoard of undead completely surrounded the team and now were advancing on them menacingly.

“Oh and one other thing,” called the man to the pegasus, “while you’re up there, could you put on a beat we could dance to?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she replied, squishing the small cube onto the demonic looking record. Dash looked over the sound board and found the ‘Play’ button. “Aha! Here it is!” she said to herself as she pushed it. The small LED screen sparked to life and displayed, ‘NACP - HydraPulse - 2:56. PLAY >’

Heavy beats accompanied by synthesized tunes began playing in the speakers.The skeletons stopped in their tracks and looked at each other, most of them eventually shrugging and deciding now was as good as any to charge with a bone chilling scream.

***

The skeletons’ initial charge broke extremely quickly.

Megan was the first to answer their charge with one of her own and was able to cleave through six of the undead horrors with one swing of her impromptu club, turning those she struck into dust and bits of ancient bone. Moving quickly, she then gripped one of the bony adversaries by its ribcage and hurled it at a thick portion of the army of the dead and sent them all tumbling to the ground. She spun on her heels and brought her glowing weapon down onto the skull of another enemy, bisecting the skeleton and reducing it to a pile of dust.

Rarity and Zorro looked on in shock and awe respectively. “Me encanta esa mujer,” said the man wistfully before a skeletal fist socked him in his jaw.

Zorro recovered quickly and brought his own glowing weapon to the side of the attacking skeleton’s head, shattering the skull completely and dropping the animated corpse instantly. Two more undead charged towards him with raised fists, obviously intent on beating him to death. The man smirked as he jabbed the glow stick into the rightmost skeleton’s ribcage. With some effort, he flung that skeleton into the other and sent them both into a tangled mess of bones and dust.

“HEY!” called Rainbow Dash from the booth, “I set the thing! What do I do now?”

“Get to the balcony!” Megan called back as she pulled a skull from its owner’s neck, “It’s the minimum safe distance!” Behind the woman, a skeleton had picked up a glow stick of its own and struck Megan in the side of the head.

“Ow,” uttered the woman as the glowing rod bounced off of her head harmlessly. She turned to face the skeletal attacker, who glanced between the angered human and the glow stick it held.

Megan could have sworn that it let out a disappointed sigh as she smashed it to pieces.

Near the DJ booth, Rarity smacked away a skeleton’s grasping arm before lowering and hovered her glow stick in front of her in a standing position. “I’ll make a path!” she shouted as the stick began to spin, “stay close behind me!” The unicorn charged the throng of undead with an impromptu glowing lawnmower.

The shattered bones and dust of those skeletons that could not get out of the way were sent flying everywhere. After bashing their way through more of the undead, the human agents quickly moved into the wake she left behind, smashing any skeletons that tried to block their path.

Dash had already flown up to the balcony, and was bucking any of the undead that tried to ascend the staircase. Several skeletons on the steps noted the bones of one of their fellow undead tumbling over the side of the balcony, and after a brief glance to one another, nodded their agreement. leaping off the staircase and to the side, two of them meshed their hands together and gestured for the other to go. The third skeleton ran at the other two placing a foot into their hands and was instantly spring boarded up and over the balcony’s rails. The skeletons doing the spring board nodded to each other and began gesturing for other skeletons to be launched.

The skeleton that had been vaulted moved quickly towards Rainbow Dash, who was doing all she could to stop the other undead from climbing the steps, and punted her away from the staircase. The pegasus hit the floor with a soft thud, the carpet doing little to soften the impact. Soon the balcony was flooded with the skeletal remains, who all stared at the pegasus like wolves would stare at a wounded lamb.

Dash rose to her feet and flared out her wings, glaring at the fiend that had kicked her. “You did not just punt the Dash!” she bellowed at the crowd of shambling bones, “NOPONY PUNTS THE DASH!” Giving a hearty war cry, the young mare closed her eyes and charged forward into the throng of skeletons.

She was surprised when, instead of running into a mass of bone, she collided with something soft. She opened her eyes to the smiling face of Megan as the woman’s arms wrapped around her and into a soft, warm, hug. “How ya doing sugar cube?”

The pegasus’s wings began to extend involuntarily as her face grew a few shades more red. “You smell like Applejack,” Dash blurted out.

“What?” asked Megan as she reeled her head back, her smile vanishing almost completely.

Dash just stared dumbly into the woman’s blue eyes for a brief moment before her mind caught up with her. She shook her head madly and attempted to change subjects, “I-I mean...uhh...Hey Megan! How’re things, with the skeletons and the surviving?” Looking around, the pegasus saw the remains of her attackers scattered around the floor and gazed at the woman in amazement, “Did you take out all these bone brains?”

With one last an amused look towards the pegasus, Megan stood up and glanced around at the dusty bones that now carpeted the balcony before replying, “Yeah. Turns out being buried for hundreds of years makes these things really fragile. I was a bit worried a first, but these guys are total push overs.”

“Where are Rarity and Zorro?” Dash asked as she surveyed the carnage, “Shouldn’t they be with you?”

The woman responded by pointing over her shoulder, “Oh they’re keeping busy.”

Looking beyond the woman, Dash saw Rarity batting away any skeletons that were attempting to climb the staircase while Zorro destroyed any that were being vaulted over the balcony’s guard rail. Together, they both seemed to have the situation well under control with Rarity showing only small signs of exhaustion.

The man Zorro on the other hand, was not even breaking a sweat as he swatted away arms, skulls, legs, and even entire skeletons as they flew over the balcony. As he decapitated another undead attacker with a wide swing, he called out to the hoard, “Come now amigos, surely you can do better! I am getting bored!”

Megan rolled her eyes, “Zorro, push the button!”

“But Megan, I’ve not even begun to have fun yet!” replied the man with a pout.

“JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON ALREADY!” screamed Rarity, eying the man with a glare that could kill if it wanted to.

Zorro shrunk back and produced the trigger for the explosive from his pocket and pressed it with a satisfying ‘click.’

The resulting boom rang in the ears of everyone who still had ears, and bits of shrapnel and bone flew about the once lively dance floor. A shock wave of green energy erupted from the shattered artifact which washed over the entire club and beyond. As the wave of energy passed over the undead, whatever magic was holding the army of skeletons together left them and they all fell to inanimate pieces.

As the dust settled, the four agents surveyed the damage. Rarity looked at the others and smiled, “Well now that we have gotten that out of the way, and seeing as how we are in Paris, how about a little shopping? Maybe a trip to the local spa? I’m sure there will be one open, even at this hour!”

Dash immediately responded, “I’m out!” and flew out the front door and into the flashing lights of the police.

“ATTENTION AMERICANS, DO NOT MOVE! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! COME WITH US QUIETLY TO THE STATION WHERE YOU WILL BE PROCESSED!”

Megan and Zorro ran out followed closely by Rarity, who squinted into the bright police lights. The woman gave a quick look over the all pony police force and sighed, “Looks like we’ll have to take a rain check on that shopping Rarity. Sorry.”

The unicorn glared up at the woman, “You can bet you flank on it. As soon as this is cleared up, Zorro is going to take me on a grand tour of Paris.”

Megan cast an odd look at the swordsman. He shrugged, saying, “You know me Megan, I cannot resist a lady who asks my help in having a, pleasurable time.”

The woman put her hand to her face and groaned loudly.

The End of Episode 4
Took forever and probably sucks.
This must be what it feels like to work in video games.
Heeeeyooo!
But seriously, I really hope the next one is better
Episode 5 here we come!

Minisode: Staying Tuned

Yellowstone the Series
“Minisodes”
A My Little Pony Fanfiction based off a fanfiction of another fanfiction of Blaze’s original Fanfiction: The Conversion Bureau.
What a mouthful.
By Anonsi (Another spin-off riding the coat-tails of Yellowstone? Why not!)

Staying Tuned

“Busy Bee! You turn off that television and come to dinner!” Morning Dew called from the kitchen.

The yellow filly didn’t get up, but instead moaned back, “But mom! The news is about to start!” She returned her attention to the screen, brushing her unkempt mane out of her eyes.

Morning Dew’s sigh was audible, even from the kitchen. “Ten minutes Busy Bee. Then you join the rest of your family at the table!”

“Okay! Sheesh...”

Whatever program was on previously ended, and was soon replaced by an official white and black earth pony wearing a red tie sitting at a desk with dramatic music playing in the background. Busy Bee let loose a tiny squee of excitement as she nuzzled the silver disk that hung by a red ribbon around her neck before returning her gaze to the screen.

“This is Print’ n Press with your West Coast News! Tonight’s top story, Chaos in Newfoalsome!” Busy Bee gasped at the picture that appeared on the screen. It was of some fancy hotel lobby that had been completely wrecked. “This morning, at approximately eleven o’clock, members of the criminal organization known as the HLF, or Human Liberation Front, launched an attack on the home of self made multi-billionaire, John Norris...” They showed a picture of a disheveled and irritable man who had definitely not seen enough sunlight.

She narrowed her eyes, “Oh, ew. He looks gross.”

"...and his son, Azure Wind.” A picture of a small, timid looking blue pegasus appeared next to the man’s photo.

A ‘meep’ from behind Busy Bee alerted her to the presence of her younger sister, Merry Gold. Turning to smile at her sister, Busy Bee waved to the small white and gold filly. “Come on Merry!”

Her sister quickly nestled close to her and watched the continuing news, nervously smiling at the photo of the small blue pegasus. “...ut what is most shocking is that the attack was stopped by a man who allegedly works for the the mysterious human organization known only as the ‘Agency,’ and a powerful unicorn that is a member of the ‘Elite Equestrian Guard,’ which has never been reported to even exist until today...”

Merry Gold and Busy Bee exchanged excited looks. Merry Gold prodded her sister’s side and asked, “Do you think it’s Miss Twilight and...”

“Shh!”

“Unfortunately, as is the case with such incidents, the President of the United States and Celestia herself have forbid revealing any names or pictures of the individuals in order to protect the identities of the heroic pair. However, an eyewitness account adds to the grisly scene as Sweetie Pop, the receptionist during the attack, recounts the events that took place...”

The screen cut to a peach colored mare with strawberry mane sitting behind the ruins of what must have been a beautiful desk before it was destroyed. “So first, there was this extremely rude postman that said he had a package for Mr. Norris, and then a guy in one of those leather, Indiana Jones kinda hats and a coat shows up saying he’s Mr. Norris.” Busy Bee’s cheeks began to flush and her heartbeats quickened. “Then a freakin’ van drives through the front window and all these HLF goons jump out and start shooting up the place, and I’m here behind the desk praying to Celestia to not die, and this cowboy guy and unicorn mare he’s with are...like...I dunno, exchanging playful banter or something, when the cowboy guy throws some dynamite at them!”

The mare waved her hooves around as she spoke, acting out the minor actions that were occurring in her story, much to the amusement of the fillies. “And then the HLF are all dead, except for this one guy the unicorn tries to save for some reason.” The mare’s face suddenly looked off into the distance as she recalled what happened next, “And then the spider came. Celestia preserve me. That thing was as big as a horse, like one of them Shire horses you look up on the internet when you...ya’know. Anyway, big spider, cowboy shoots it a lot, unicorn casts some spell that makes her into some big beefy stallion and she stabs the thing with her horn, and then the cowboy throws another stick of dynamite into the spider’s guts and then...BOOOOM!”

Busy Bee and Merry Gold cheered in excitement, but quickly silenced themselves as the news reported started to speak again, “Truly fantastic stuff. In a related story, the HLF member that was spared in the attack has revealed the locations of several key stockpiles in the Mid-Western territories. Six-Tribes rangers moved qui-”

“What?!” cried the fillies as the TV suddenly went dead. Looking behind them they saw the stern visage of their mother, TV remote under hoof.

“Come on girls, that was your ten minutes. I won’t have you two becoming coach potatoes, because then I’d have ta’ eat ya’.”

Merry Gold gasped as she quickly hopped over to Morning Dew and nuzzled her mother’s legs. “You wouldn’t really eat us if we turned into potatoes would you?” she asked, completely serious.

Morning Dew nuzzled her daughter’s neck and affectionately cooed, “No my little flower, I don’t think I would. Even as potatoes you’d both be too cute to eat. Now hurry along to dinner, your father ain’t the kind to not eat food if no pony’s there to claim it.” Morning Dew and Merry Gold trotted off to the kitchen merrily, giggling about jut how cute Merry Gold would be as a potato.

Busy Bee lingered behind them for a bit, and once they were out of sight, she looked at the silver medallion that hung from her neck. She lovingly eyed the image of a hawk that was carved into it.

“Anytime now Bee!” called her mother.

She gave the disk a quick kiss and pressed it against her chest, before sighing and joining her family.

Bonus Minisode: Snake Charmer

Yellowstone the Series
“Minisodes”
A My Little Pony Fanfiction based off a fanfiction of another fanfiction of Blaze’s original Fanfiction: The Conversion Bureau.
We need to go deeper! BWAAAA.
By: Anonsi (Forced Inception reference? Check)

Snake Charmer

Thunder rumbled across the plains. Storms were becoming more frequent out in the wilds of the mid-west as of late, and Dark Star didn’t like getting caught out in the rain. What really irked him was that because of the storm, there wouldn’t be any help from his pegasus brothers for this little excursion. Except for the only one he knew who did not fear such storms of course. Another rumble of thunder encouraged him to find shelter soon.

“Damn Black Root for spilling his guts to the feds. He’s a disgrace to his race for making us have to relocate in this mess.” Dark Star turned to the band of earth ponies under his command, regarding them with mild disdain as they pulled carts of supplies across the darkened flat-land. “Move faster brothers! We must find a new place to set up our operations before that storm hits!”

Being a unicorn in PER came with the advantage of having a higher authority over those unfortunate to not have become a unicorn upon receiving the gift of ponification. Dark Star piously thanked Celetia and Luna for being one of the chosen elite of the race, and not some grunt earth pony or brutish foot soldier pegasus. Movement from above drew Dark Star’s attention skyward. Descending from the storm clouds was probably the only pony from the lesser breeds he respected. A pegasus with a purple coat and a black mane landed in front of him, his menacing red eyes shifted their gaze between the unicorn and small convoy of followers.

“Greetings brother Storm Charger, did you see anything useful during your flight?” inquired Dark Star as he began to walk after his minions.

Storm Charger walked beside him and in a crisp and official tone began, “Not far from here is an old ghost town. Looks like it’s from the eighteen hundreds so electricity is unlikely, though it should keep the supplies safe from the storm.”

Dark Star nodded his approval, “Good work brother. Inform the others of the new course, and see to it that they do not get lost.” As Storm Charger bowed and prepared to take flight, Dark Star added, “And Storm Charger?”

“Yes brother?”

Dark Star placed a hoof on the pegasus’s shoulder, “My condolences about your sister Bitter Frost. Our new order lost a good unicorn that day.”

Storm Charger shot a quick glance down at Dark Star’s hoof before returning his gaze to the unicorn, “We lost some good pegasi too, brother Dark Star.”

“If all pegasi were like you Storm Charger, then that might actually mean something,” replied Dark Star as he removed his hoof from Storm Charger’s shoulder. The pegasus flew off to the head of the line without hesitation as Dark Star resumed overseeing the progress of the earth ponies and sighed. If he had been commanding the squad that went after Norris, then he and PER would be a great deal richer, instead of making their way to some shoddy ghost town.

The unicorn continued to walk along the length of his meager squad until he saw a sign post. The crude writing on the aged piece of wood read, “Sweet Water. 1 mile.”

***

The town was indeed deserted as Storm Charger had said, but Dark Star quickly found evidence that proved that it had not been so recently. There were bones lining the main street, all the way to the large building at the end which could only be the mayor’s office. There were signs of battle in the saloon as well, and the back wall to the jail house was completely gone. Dark Star assumed the humans that died here were drastically out gunned judging by the small crater he found in the middle of the street. That being said, the town was far enough from any major roads and inhabited towns that they could operate undetected.

Dark Star had ordered his team to set up in the mayor’s building and told Storm Charger to scour the ruins for anything useful. He was in the middle of congratulating himself on finding this new hideout when he was rudely interrupted by a loud boom of thunder. The sky had grown darker but still refused to rain, a fact Dark Star gave some thanks. He hated mud.

“Sir!” called Storm Charger from the door of an old church, “We have a problem.”

Dark Star didn’t like problems, especially problems that were the result of the incompetence of his subordinates. “What is it brother? Found a snake’s nest?” mocked Dark Star.

Storm Charger scowled at the unicorn and continued, “I do not believe this town is as abandoned as we thought.” He stepped to the side and gestured for Dark Star to look for himself.

The unicorn casually trotted up to the doorway inside, and his eyes suddenly went wide in shock. The floor was littered with bones. Simply covered with the bleached remains of humans, ponies, and an unknowable amount of animals. The meat was picked clean from every inch of every bone, and slithering amongst the remains were dozens of snakes, each one bearing a rattle at the end of its tail.

Dark Star and Storm Charger stepped away from the darkened church as the pegasus continued, “It’s more than a snake pit sir. Snakes don’t hoard bodies like this. This is a lair of something far worse than a couple rattlers. I suggest we leave now before whatever lives here returns.”

Dark Star weighed his options and thought of something he considered quite brilliant. “Storm Charger, my brother, this is an excellent opportunity! If those fools at the HLF were able to get their incompetent hands on a giant spider, then we should be able to ensnare whatever lurks here! We can use this obviously deadly monster in our efforts to purge the unenlightened!”

Storm Charger glanced between Dark Star and the church. “What are we going to use for bait?”

Dark Star grinned, “What else?”

***

Dark Star was surprised at how short he had to wait before his new weapon showed itself. The earth pony grunt he had stationed outside the church was soon replaced with a large red stain and a bloody trail leading into the building. The unicorn was impressed to say the least. None of his other subordinates had heard or seen anything, not even Storm Charger, who swore he only looked away for a few seconds. All of that was irrelevant of course, as Dark Star now had the whatever it was right where he wanted it.

There was only one problem of course: Not dying.

Dark Star summoned a small globe of light and sent it hovering into the dark expanse of the desecrated church. Its light barely illuminated anything, but was enough to scatter the snakes. “You four,” he commanded to four earth ponies, “Get in there and try not to get bit by anything.”

His four minions did as they were told and entered the poorly illuminated aisle, one of them tripping over the ribcage of something large enough to be a buffalo. Storm Charger moved in after them eyeing the second floor of the building incredulously. There were a lot of nooks and crannies in this place where someone could hide, and the shadowy atmosphere wasn’t helping matters. Dark Star entered next and was flanked by two more earth ponies, who looked absolutely terrified to be here. Dark Star simply looked confused. The blood trail ended a few feet after the doorway, and something large enough to drag the body of an earth pony couldn’t just disappear without a trace.

“Fan out brothers!” called the unicorn, “Find our new weapon and restrain it!” Something did not sit right with Dark Star about this. Aside from the assorted hissing coming from the snakes, it was too quiet. As if to answer him, there was a boom of thunder from outside that startled the two ponies to his sides. He rolled his eyes, “You morons. It’s a wonder you even know how to walk you-”

He was interrupted as the double doors slammed shut and reduced the light within the church to the measly sphere he had conjured. As if on cue, all the serpents that were slithering around began to shake their rattles in tandem. Dark Star and his ponies gathered around the center of the room where his light hovered weakly.

“This ain’t natural!” said one of the earth ponies, “L-let’s get outta here!”

“You shall stay your ground coward!” barked Dark Star, “We are not leaving until we have tamed this creature for the glory of our brotherhood!”

The rattling continued to intensify.

“Sir,” whispered Storm Charger, “Perhaps we should wait for a more opportune time?”

Dark Star glared at the pegasus, “There is no more opportune time than this!”

The snakes stopped rattling suddenly, and were replaced with what sounded like footsteps that were accompanied by a small ‘tink’ sound. Whatever it was, it was walking towards them.

Dark Star stepped forward and bellowed at the shadows, “Hear me creature! I am Dark Star, a member of PER! You shall serve us in order to wipe out humanity from the face of this world!”

The footsteps stopped. With only a faint grunt, the missing earth pony’s corpse flew out from the dark and collided with Dark Star. The unicorn buckled under the weight of the body and fell to the ground, suddenly finding himself surrounded by bones and snakes. A sinister voice echoed out from the inky blackness, “I don’t care much for you freaks.”

Dark Star clambered up and out of the bones screaming, “SUBDUE HIM! GET HIM!” The earth ponies charged over the piles of bones and snakes at the source of the voice. Storm Charger lifted off and flew to the upper floor of the church.

A single rattling sound came from the darkness as the ponies charged in. All six of them began screaming as they confronted whoever was in the shadows, only to be suddenly silenced soon after. The rattling continued.

Dark Star’s horn glowed bright red as he launched a bright sphere of energy down the aisle. The sudden illumination forced him to close his eyes, but he didn’t need to see for this spell. The sphere hit the doors to the church and exploded with enough force to shake the foundations of the building. The rattling had stopped.

The unicorn looked up and marveled at the results of his spell. The entire front wall was now a big smoldering hole, allowing dim light to flood into the aged building. “How unfortunate," he mused, “I seem to have accidentally incinerated him. Such a pity.”

The unicorn heard rattling behind him, and upon turning around was only able to see the glimmer of a large blade coming at him before his world went black.

***

In the dim light, the pegasus could only see the man wore a poncho with a snake motif, a wide brim hat that obscured his face in shadows, and wielded a curved sword and large knife in his hands. “Impressive,” said Storm Charger from above the grisly scene. “I don’t think I’ve seen a human as deadly as you before.”

The human looked up at the pegasus and scowled, the many snakes of the room began rattling their tails as he did so.

“No need for hostilities,” said Storm Charger in an authoritative tone, “I have no wish to fight you myself, and I can see your skills are more than a match for anypony.” Storm Charger began to walk along the balcony, “I have a job opportunity for you. An assassination. It pays well and you can get out of this charming little...” the pegasus looked for the right word, “...shithole.”

The snakes stopped their rattling.

Storm Charger smiled, “I’m glad you’re interested.” The pegasus flew down into the aisle of bones and bodies and looked up at the human, “My name is Storm Charger. Serve me faithfully, and I shall do what I can to get you whatever you desire.”

After a moment of complete silence, the man sheathed his blades and loomed over the pegasus. “I am Diamondback, and all I want is revenge.”

Episode 5: King of the Hill

Yellowstone
The Series
By: Anonsi (I bet this one starts with ‘Twilight Sparkle’)

Episode: 5
King of the Hill
____________________________________________________________________________

Megan, Zorro, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash are taking a much needed rest since their return from Paris and a well earned celebratory day of shopping for destroying an artifact that could summon skeletons up from their graves. With two days of no new missions, and human conversions at an all time low, the human agents and the Elements of Harmony are all using their new found free time to catch up on some old pastimes...

____________________________________________________________________________

Twilight Sparkle adjusted her position on the sofa for the fourth time this hour, but once again was unable to bring herself to read the heavy tome that sat in front of her. No matter where she sat down to read today, or with what book, something just seemed to be...missing.

“What’s the matter with me?” she asked herself exasperated, “I’ve been looking forward to reading Spells of Antiquity for a week, and now I can’t even bring myself to skim the first page! ARRG!” More frustrated than angry, she slammed the book’s cover shut and got up to pace around the empty lounge. “Maybe I just need to do some good old fashioned science, or finish writing that thesis paper about humans for Canterlot University’s council of scholars.” A faint pain from her gut caused Twilight to cast a forlorn look at the book and force a weak chuckle, “Maybe I should go get some lunch.”

“Hey Twilight! Talking to yourself again?” asked a cheerful voice from behind her, surprising the unicorn enough for her to nearly jump through the roof.

Twilight spun around to see Pinkie Pie standing in the door way, wearing what appeared to be a fluffy yellow chicken costume. The dopey chicken suit covered all but the pink mare’s legs and face, and Pinkie was looking at Twilight with an expression of sincere interest through the ever open beak of the costume. Despite how odd this would seem to anypony else, the purple unicorn took it in stride and returned her friends joyous smile with one of her own.

“Pinkie! You are just the pony I needed to see!” exclaimed Twilight as she trotted over to Pinkie. ‘A party! That’s what I need to get out of these doldrums!’

Pinkie Pie somehow beamed even brighter at the words, “Awww, that’s such a nice thing to say Twilight! What can your ol’ Auntie Pinkie Pie do ya for?”

Elated, Twilight Sparkle continued, “Well I was going to ask if you had a party coming up, but it looks like you already have a costume party about to start! Is there a theme, or can I be anything? I think I have the materials to make a decent Mareribbean pirate costume!”

Pinkie looked over the feathery yellow chicken outfit and then back to Twilight with her usual smile, “Oh this chicken suit isn’t for a party you silly filly!”

“It’s not?” asked the unicorn dejected.

An apologetic look came over Pinkie’s face as she continued, “Nope, Fluttershy asked me to help count some eggs before they hatch, so I’m wearing this thing to blend in and not scare the little chickies!”

Twilight lowered her head and folded her ears back, feeling genuinely disappointed that there was no party to be had. “Well okay then,” she said with a weary tone, “I guess I’ll go try seeing what the others are up to. Do you know where they all are?”

The pink mare placed a hoof to the side of her yellow and feather head, looking very thoughtful as she replied, “Sorry, but I don’t think I know where everypony is. I do know AJ and Dash are in the gym watching Hawk and Dimitri fight each other.”

“What?” asked the unicorn as she cocked an eyebrow, “Why on earth are they doing that?”

Pinkie just gave a bright smile through the beak of the costume and said with an innocent giggle, “I don’t have a clip-cloppin’ clue, but they aren’t trying to hurt each other so I guess it’s just for fun! Of course I think that if they wanted to do something fun, they could have just had a party! Those are always fun!”

The unicorn rolled her eyes and stifled a small laugh, “Some of what humans consider fun is probably a lot different than what we do Pinkie. Trust me.” Twilight collected her books quickly, moving out the door and down the hall with a certain spring in her step.

“Bye Twilight!” called the pink mare as she waved both her fore-hooves after he departing friend.

“Bye Pinkie!” the unicorn shouted back.

Now alone, Pinkie mused to herself, “A costume party huh? That does sounds like it could be fun, and I haven’t thrown one in a really long time to boot! Ooh! And Rarity could make the costumes! She’s been dying to sew something! Oh it’ll be super-duper-MEGA-Fun! They’ll all LOVE IT!” Humming merrily as she bounced down the corridor to Fluttershy’s sanctuary, the pink pony had already begun thinking of ways to make this the biggest and best costume party she could ever throw.

* * *

The aging President Joseph McCullough sat at his desk and exhaled heavily as he sorted through the dozens of folders that were strewn over his desk, all of them marked “Immediate Response Required” in big red letters. He picked up a weighty looking tan folder first and inspected its contents. It was a report made by Agent O’Connell about the situation in Egypt, and from the looks of the evidence he had collected, things were far worse than previously thought. Apparently whatever had been under the pyramids had been moved, and the only thing that remained was a message left behind by whoever took it:

“The Master watches all with Death’s cruel sight,

His Brothers in Darkness shall return to him forgotten might,

He shall again rise up to crush the light,

and with his waking, bring forth Eternal Night.”

Looking up from the disturbing report with a weary expression, Joseph eyed the brilliant equine figure that was sorting through her own pile of paperwork in the center of his office. She rested on some large pillows as she glanced over one report after another, some dealing with policy in her homeland and others that dealt with the current crisis. The man could tell by her tired expression that keeping her own kingdom in order while also dealing with the wild magic polluting the rest of the world was wearing her down both mentally and physically. The last thing she needed right now was a prophesy of doom, especially one she would blame herself for.

“Celestia,” said Joseph standing up from his desk, “How about we take a small break and get something to drink?” The Princess looked away from her own work and eyed the President with a confused, but also grateful expression. The man moved to the office’s secret door that led to the White House kitchen and gestured for Celestia to follow, saying, “Maybe some scotch and small talk will help us get through the paperwork?”

The goddess laughed quietly as she hovered a report back onto her pile and stood, stretching out her wings as she did so with a very pleasant sigh of satisfaction. “I think I’ll just have some tea thank you,” she replied while moving to the doorway, “Human alcohol and ponies don’t exactly mix if I remember correctly.”

Joseph rubbed his chin as the memory resurfaced in his mind, “Now that you mention it, I do remember your ambassadors having trouble finding the bathroom that one time.”

“Thank you for putting it so delicately Joseph,” Celestia replied with a bemused smile as she moved past him and through the doorway, “and I’m still extremely sorry about that by the way.”

The President merely chuckled and followed her out the door, “Don’t be. It takes practice to get good at drinking. Besides, nobody liked Senator Hannibal anyway. He was the sort of guy who just wouldn’t let things go.”

Celestia let out a hearty bout of laughter and looked at the president with a mischievous smile as she continued to walk down the hallway, “What ever happened to him? I don’t recall seeing him since then...is he still a senator?”

Seeing Celestia’s warm and curious expression almost made the old man tell her that he had the senator killed five years ago.

“No,” Joseph half lied as he returned her smile with one just as friendly, “he retired to Canada I think. Apparently it was the only place he could be far enough away from such ‘disgusting beasts.’ Like I said; he just wouldn’t let things go.” The President hoped that his years of being a politician had finally made him good enough at lying.

Celestia looked off down the hallway with a concerned expression, “Well I hope he’s not causing any trouble, I’d hate to think that after all these years someone could still hold a grudge over something so small.”

Joseph gave a relieved little sigh, and wanted to reassure the equine goddess that Hannibal wouldn’t be a problem. But given the fact that the dead were rising from their graves these days, he couldn’t be too sure. Instead he simply placed an arm around the back of the Princess’s neck and did another trick he picked up during his presidency: changing subjects.

“So anyway Princess, how’s the family?”

* * *

Hawk and Dimitri stood facing each other on a large, square training mat in the center of the gym, both of the men wearing comfortable looking t-shirts and loose work-out pants. A veritable rainbow of pastel colored ponies with a very small cadre of humans cheered from the bleachers around them, drawn by the excitement of a live combat demonstration. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who had asked for the afternoon activity, were sitting closer to the mat and observed the action closely, only giving shouts of encouragement between bouts.

“Alright Dimitri, come at me,” Hawk instructed.

The young man sighed heavily as he looked over at the crowd that hadn’t been there when Pinkie Pie had left, but had miraculously appeared only minutes afterwards. “Vhy am I the one who has to do this?”

“Because Zorro didn’t want to and Barnes scares me,” Hawk stated matter-of-factually.

“Vhat about Megan?”

Hawk took up a defensive posture and dismissively said, “She told me to make the rookie do it, so I did. Now would you hurry up attack me?”

Dimitri cracked his knuckles in response and adopted an aggressive stance, causing the crowd to cheer with anticipation. After a moment the young man charged Hawk and sent a right hook towards the face of his enemy. Agent Hawk grabbed Dimitri’s arm and swept the young man’s leg out from under him, sending the assailant tumbling to the floor. Hawk put a foot on the back of his opponent’s neck while also pulling on the grappled arm. The crowd went wild.

Dimitri fruitlessly squirmed on the ground before letting loose a guttural growl, “Сын сука!”

“My Russian is a bit rusty Dimitri, does that mean ‘I surrender?’” Hawk asked confidently, only loosening his pull on Dimitri’s arm so the pinned man could move with a bit less pain. The young man in his grasp slapped the mat with his free hand, signaling his surrender.

As Agent Hawk released Dimitri from the pin, the doors to the gym glided open, drawing the attention of everyone in the room to the small purple unicorn that trotted in with a certain spring in her step. Hawk helped the younger man up off the ground and said, “Looks like the crowd keeps growing.”

“Разве это не тот, который вы хотите спать с?” Dimitri asked with a smile.

Hawk punched him in the shoulder and quietly hissed, “Shush, or I’ll have you training with Megan, and she’s not as gentle as I am.” Turning to the unicorn, the man put his hands on his hips and asked, “Good morning Twilight, do we have a mission?”

“Oh no, I’m just here to watch!” she said with some enthusiasm, “I’ve read that human martial arts are one of the last great art forms, so I just thought I’d come down and take some notes.” With a lightning quick smile to Hawk, Twilight cantered over to where Applejack and Rainbow Dash were sitting, nestling herself down into a comfortable spot next to them as she hovered a notebook and pencil out of her bags.

“Well alright then, I guess me and Dimitri can get back to training,” replied Hawk as he took off his t-shirt and revealed his well toned torso to the audience, which caused the recently converted mares and the few women in the crowd to burst into a chorus of cheers and whistles. Chancing a glance at Twilight, he saw the young mare blush slightly as she ducked her head behind her notebook while her pencil hovered above the small tome looking ready to write.

Dimitri shook his head and gave Hawk a flat look, “Почему?”

“I’m just giving the people what they want,” Hawk said taking up a defensive stance. “Now come on and attack me.”

* * *

Things were going better than the President thought they would. So far the discourse between him and the divine equine had been light and the atmosphere cheerful. The weariness that had once been present in the Equestrian princess’s features had disappeared with each story the old man had convinced her to tell, which was a rather simple feat in and of itself. It seemed to him that the Princess enjoyed talking about her people and their habits immensely.

Currently, President McCullough sat across from her at the elegant dinning room of the White House, the aging human barely holding back a fresh batch of guffaws as Celestia continued one of her many favorite stories.

“...so after we finally get out of the entrance hall and to the ballroom, I find the dance floor absolutely wrecked, covered with cake, and the guests about to riot. And that’s when it happened...” The Princess only paused long enough to finish off her tea before proceeding on, “So the ballroom is wrecked, cake is all over the place, and Twilight, bless her heart, says ‘Things can’t get any worse.’”

Celestia stood up suddenly and spread her wings as she struggled to contain her laughter, “But then the doors to the gardens burst open and all the animals, and I mean all the animals, start running amok inside the ballroom. But that’s not the best part,” she said turning to Joseph with a gleeful expression.

The President took another shot of scotch before asking, “Okay, I’ll bite. What was the best part?”

Celestia smiled all the wider as she continued, “Fluttershy, the element of kindness, bursts in after them and screams,” The Princess took in a deep breath and yelled, “YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!” while her face took on a deranged expression.

Joseph and Celestia both exploded into laughter, the President needing to clutch his sides from the pain while the Princess rolled over onto the floor. For several minutes all the pair could do was laugh maniacally. They only began to calm down when they started gasping for air.

“Tw-Twilight was...absolutely mort...mortified,” Celestia managed to say between breaths, “I...I had to track her down afterwards and...tell her that everything was okay.” With some effort, she regained her previous composure and returned to sitting on her haunches at her spot at the table. Giving once last calming sigh, Celestia looked at her empty tea cup with eyes still reminiscing the memories that swam in her head.

“You miss her I take it?” asked Joseph as he set down his now empty shot glass.

The alicorn gave the human a sweet look and nodded her head, “I miss all my little ponies Joseph, but Twilight especially. I feel awful about sending her and her friends to deal with this crisis.”

“Then go see her,” the man said bluntly, “Take them all out to lunch or something.”

“Really?” asked Celestia with mild surprise, “But what about all the reports? I can’t just leave them all for you to deal with!”

“I’ll be fine princess,” replied Joseph as he stood from his chair and walked through the doors that led to the balcony. He placed his hands behind his back as he added, “I’ve been through two wars and the deadliest plague in history, I think I can handle a few stacks of paper.”

Princess Celestia rose to her hooves and quietly joined the old man on the balcony, taking in the sunny weather of late morning. Her calm expression belied the resolute tone she now addressed the human with, “Joseph, if you think I might have a break down during this crisis then you are sorely mistaken. I’ve been alive for a very long time, and I can assure you that I am not so unused to such pressure.”

“It’s not that,” the man assured her, “It’s the fact that you’ve done a great deal and deserve a small break. Two months of doom and gloom does no one any good, and I think it’s time you went out and had some fun.” Joseph’s mouth curved into a playful grin as he looked at the elegant equine goddess, “Besides, what will the paparazzi think if you shut yourself up inside a musty old building with a human for two months? Think of all the scandalous magazine articles!”

The Princess let go a dainty little laugh, “I happen to enjoy such works of fiction Joseph, even ones that assume to know what my sister and I do behind closed doors.”

The President returned his gaze to the grounds of the White House, “As long it’s all fiction, right? Now you’d better get going before the scotch wears off and I’m begging you to stay.”

Celestia gave him a smile as bright and as warm as the sun before galloping off the balcony and taking to the sky with a mighty leap. Her wings beat the air with strength and poise, and each flap sent her flying faster into the great blue beyond. Within moments she was nothing but a shining streak in the distant blue sky.

After watching the small speck disappear into the great azure beyond, Joseph returned inside and made his way back to his office. Eyeing the pile of paperwork that waited for him with disgust, the President sat in his chair and opened up O’Connell’s report. With the assorted photos, copy of the mysterious message, and mission log, there was one wall painting that stood out as particularly interesting to the President:

It was of some sort of high priest in black robes, possibly the owner of the tomb, standing amongst a crowd of men with jackal heads. Above him was an eclipsed sun, and on the ground in front of him were six stars.

* * *

Twilight entered her room and gently hovered her bags into a far corner before throwing herself onto her bed with a huff. She rolled onto her her side and gazed longingly at her saddlebags, eventually summoning the will to magically open them and pull forth her notebook. Hovering the small tome over to her, she rolled onto her back and held the book above her.

With a sigh she opened it to the most recent entry: a four page long section on the range of human movement, as well as some basic drawings of defensive and aggressive stances she had observed. As the unicorn went over her notes, she once again focused on the drawings. She accepted that art was not her special talent, but she grimaced at just how crude her sketches were compared to her writing. The arms and legs were disproportionate from one another, the head was less a circle and more a rhombus, and the hands...oh Celestia the hands.

She considered fixing the drawings before looking at torso of each sketch. They were her favorite part to say the least, and obviously the most well done section of the figures. They were all fairly well proportioned, strong, muscular, attractive...

Twilight quickly closed the book and sent it flying back to her bags, suddenly noticing that her breathing had gotten faster. “Well I think it’s time to go get some lunch!” she decided rather soundly.

The unicorn rolled out of bed and moved out into the hallway ready to find something to do other than be alone with her thoughts. She cantered down the hallway and into the lobby, briefly waving hello to Ditzy and her daughter as she passed. She turned down the corridor that led to the cafeteria only to run face first into a pair of familiar legs and toppling over the man they belonged to.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” Hawk chided as he nursed his backside.

“Oh my goodness, Hawk I’m so sorry! Did I hurt you?” she said with a quiver of worry in her voice. Unicorn horns weren’t known for being especially sharp, and could in fact be considered down right dull, but she did not want to be responsible for accidentally stabbing the man who had saved her life multiple times.

The man sighed as he stood up, brushing off any lingering specks of dirt as he did so. “It’s all right Sprinkles,” he said once he had risen to his feet, “I’ve been through worse. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just glad my horn didn’t hurt you,” she replied with a relieved little huff.

“Thanks for the concern,” he said as a quick flash of inspiration crossed his face. “Are you hungry?”

Twilight simply nodded and gave a friendly smile, “I’m famished, and I can’t think with an empty stomach. In fact I was heading to the cafeteria for some lunch when we...well, bumped into each other.”

Agent Hawk shrugged and continued, “I was just thinking that maybe you’d like to join me for lunch out in the city today.”

“That sounds...” began the unicorn, unsure what to make of the request. That was until her stomach growled like some voracious beast of course, which spurred Twilight to give the man a sheepish smile and reply, “You know what? That sounds lovely. Goodness knows I haven’t really gone outside since the whole Headless Horseman thing.”

“That was over a week ago Twilight.”

“All the more reason to go then, right?” replied the unicorn with a bright smile, “I’ll go get some bits and then we can-”

“Whoa there missy,” Hawk interrupted as he pulled out a small pouch from his coat’s pocket, “I’ll pony up this time.”

* * *

The sky above Manhattan was clear and clean as Princess Celestia soared through its heights. The air was much better than it had been when she and her sister first came ashore, a fact that the elder Princess now relished. But as much as she loved flying in these renewed skies, she did have a purpose for coming here.

Far below her, below the gleaming skyscrapers and other impressive glass towers, she spotted her destination. She angled herself for a nosedive and tucked in her wings, becoming a screaming missile heading straight for the large parking lot at rather unsafe speeds. Truth be told, she could stand to be a bit more subtle about her approach, but she enjoyed the exhilaration of moving so fast almost too much. In seconds the wind was screeching past her as the ground grew closer at ridiculous speeds. When she was nearly fifty feet away from the asphalt of that lot, she flared out her wings and braced her legs for the coming impact.

Celestia hit the ground hard near the large human ship known to her as the Odin, and sent small tremors running through the earth. Looking about with a bright smile, the Princess saw a woman toiling with some maintenance on the airship’s underside. What was odd to the equestrian princess was that the woman seemed to not even acknowledge the alicorn’s rather obvious arrival, and continued to work with her back turned to her.

“Nice of you to drop in Celestia,” called the woman in a neutral tone, her back still facing the Princess.

Celestia cracked an amused grin as she approached the woman. “I’m glad to be here...” The Princess paused as she realized she couldn’t quite place the human’s identity in her mind, “...I’m sorry, I can’t quite remember your name Miss...?”

The woman turned to face her with a completely neutral expression, which was made even harder to read by the sunglasses that completely obscured the woman’s eyes. “Captain Samantha Barnes.”

“Ah of course! Now I remember you, you were there when Twilight returned from her journey two months ago!” exclaimed the Princess with a bright smile. Then she placed a fore hoof to her chin and mused, “I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for getting her back to me in one piece Captain.”

“It was nothing,” replied Barnes in her emotionless tone. Quickly glancing towards the Bureau’s entrance, the woman added quickly, “and you do not have to address me by my rank, i-if you do not want to.”

Celestia smiled warmly at Barnes and said in an almost song like voice, “Well in that case, I thank you Samantha Barnes, for the safe return and continued protection of those dearest to me. Albeit two months late.” The woman simply nodded, Celestia barely making out the faintest signs of a smile on Barnes’ face.

“Is there anything I can help you with Celestia?” asked the woman, her tone still void of emotion.

The alicorn’s eyes popped open with the sudden reminder of why she came, “There is actually! I was hoping I could have a nice casual lunch with Twilight and her friends today. If she’s not too busy that is.”

Barnes placed her hands behind her back and answered with a factual coldness, “Agent Hawk took Twilight Sparkle out to lunch forty-eight minutes ago. I do not know where their current location is.”

“Oh really?” asked Celestia pleasantly surprised before looking off into thought as a devious smile crossed her lips, “I wonder if my dear student is delving into less...academic interests.”

“It is improbable that the excursion will have a romantic conclusion. In addition to the barrier created by them being a different species from one another, both Twilight Sparkle and Agent Hawk are inept in such pursuits,” stated Barnes flatly.

The alicorn let go a very soft chuckle as she eyed Barnes with bemusement, “Poor kids don’t stand a chance, do they?” Releasing a heavy and rather tired sigh, she looked out towards the city streets and continued with a pleasant tone, “That being said, I think it might be a service if I go and find them.”

“Undoubtedly,” replied the woman stoically.

Celestia flashed a smile towards Barnes as she gently spread her wings, “I have enjoyed this conversation Ms. Barnes, but I unfortunately cannot stay. I took a break to have lunch with my student and by the stars I’m going to do just that!” The divine mare let go a peal of sparkling laughter before adding, “I would very much like to have another talk with you and the rest of your team sometime soon, if you wouldn’t mind too much.”

Barnes shifted uncomfortable for a brief moment, “I...” her stern and rigid voice faltered and gave way to one far more compassionate, “...I would love to talk to you again your highness.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed the equine goddess, “Until next time Samantha, stay safe and keep an eye on my dear little ponies for me.”

“I will,” replied Barnes, once again in an emotionless tone, “and Celestia...”

“Yes?”

“It is likely that Twilight and Hawk will end up at Central Park at some point today. If you wish to meet them, that would be the place to wait.”

Celestia smiled brightly at the woman, who merely remained stoic as stone. With a mighty leap and a few strong beats from her wings, the princess was sailing towards the center of the city and out of sight. The woman returned her attention to the Odin, smiling wide.

“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” Barnes asked herself sweetly.

* * *

The entrance to the New York Public Library was a familiar sight to the Twilight, but it still always found a way to wow her each time she came back. The beautiful architecture and the two stoic lions that guarded the entrance certainly helped of course. Those two lions implied that the humans who built this place believed that the knowledge contained within was worth both protection and reverence. An implication that the young mare couldn’t repress smiling at. She and Hawk quickly began to ascend the grand steps into the great hall of knowledge.

“Twilight, could you slow down a little?” asked Hawk, a good six steps behind the eager unicorn mare.

Twilight turned around and gave him an apologetic smile, “Sorry Hawk. It’s just that this is one of my favorite places in the whole city.”

“Big surprise there,” he said, chuckling to himself as he caught up to his pony escort.

“Oh haw-haw. Very funny,” Twilight responded rolling her eyes. Renewing her ascent, she added with a huff, “Come on, I want to see if they have anything on trolls.” She deftly cantered up the steps with such eagerness that it forced Hawk to double step just to keep pace with the her.

As the two finally entered the seemingly vacant library, the young mare took in a deep breath, relishing the familiar and wondrously musty smell that filled her nostrils. It was the smell of knowledge and the printed word, the smell of thoughts and ideas immortalized upon parchment. It was the smell of books. Glorious books.

The library’s main lobby was a massive room decorated in polished white marble with magnificent pillars reaching up all the way to the ceiling. Tall windows lined the wall above the door and let in rays of sunlight into the great hall. The room had an air of grandeur that made Twilight love this place a little more each time she came.

Something had been installed since last she had come here however which gave the unicorn pause. In the center of the white marble floor was a large, rectangular object standing on a circular platform, and rose a half meter above Hawk. Its surface was smooth and black, obviously metallic in nature, and at its center was what appeared to be a blue crystal.

Twilight eyed the strange object warily as Hawk entered behind her. Giving the man a confused look she asked, “Hawk...what is that?”

The man rubbed his chin and shrugged. “Haven’t the foggiest Sprinkles.” Hawk leaned over and patted Twilight on the back as he flashed her a devious grin, “Wait here while I try some science on it.”

Moving away before she could protest, Hawk approached the platform and inspected it. With no sign of any way to activate it, the man gave it a swift kick to the side resulting in a dull CLANG.

The jewel in the center lit up, as a shrill and fractured voice spoke out, “WELcoME t-t-t-T-TO THE nEw Yo-Rk pu-PU-pu-PUBlic LiBRarY!”

Twilight and Hawk exchanged confused glances, shrugging as they turned back to the large rectangle. “What are you?” asked the small unicorn.

“TheeeeEEeeee-e-ee-e WinD ANd ThE WiLlow’S is is is is is is is is is is...” There was a loud beep from somewhere in the room, and the black pillar immediately went silent as the jewel at its center went dark. Soon after, a man about the same age as Hawk appeared from a hallway that led deeper into the library.

The man that walked towards them was skinny and his black hair was mostly obscured by a blue baseball cap that complemented the Tetsujin Industries jumpsuit he had on over the rest of his body. In the crook of his left arm he carried what appeared to be a large laptop, and in his opposite hand he had a small black box with two red switches. He wore a very annoyed look on his sharp features.

“Sir, as thankful as I am that I am not the last human on Earth, I’d thank you more to not kick the AI that cost three and half million bits,” he said stepping between Hawk and the machine. He knelt down next to the black pillar and opened up a well camouflaged panel, setting his laptop to his side and connecting it to the monolith with a USB cord.

Hawk backed up and respectfully tipped his hat as Twilight stepped forward with eyes glimmering with curiosity. “Excuse me sir, but may I ask what this...thing is?”

The man did not look up from his work when he answered, “This hunk of junk is named Socrates by the company, but I usually just call it a pain in my neck. Well, that amongst other things that are inappropriate for common conversation. It’s supposed to run the entire library, but right now all it can do is spout nonsense.”

“Good to know that money went towards something useful,” Hawk said with a chuckle.

The man gave a snort and joined Hawk in his small bout of laughter, “Yeah, tell me about it. ‘Course I’m not complaining about the paycheck they give me for getting these things to actually work.” Looking up from his laptop’s screen, the man extended a hand to Hawk and said, “My name is Isaac by the way.”

Hawk shook Isaac’s hand quickly before releasing it and replied, “I’m Agent Hawk, and this little horsey next to me is named Twilight Sparkle.”

Isaac moved his hand over to Twilight saying, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Ms. Sparkle.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Mr. Isaac!” she responded with earnest excitement while extending a hoof to the man.

Isaac returned his attention to the screen of his laptop, “So, what brings you two to the library today?”

“Books,” stated Hawk flatly, earning him a annoyed glance from Twilight.

“Don’t be rude,” chided the small purple mare.

Isaac merely chuckled at the exchange. He opened his mouth to speak, but a sudden and loud boom of thunder interrupted him.

Hawk turned to look towards the street, “Weird. Twilight, did Dash see any storm clouds rolling in today?”

“No, not a one,” replied the unicorn following his gaze. It had grown dark and overcast outside, with a low layer of mist covering the ground. It created an eerie atmosphere that had many ponies outside quickening their trots.

Without warning, the monolithic AI sprang to life and began to chant in an almost sinister voice,

"Cold be hand and heart and bone
and cold be sleep under stone
never more to wake on stony bed
never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead
In the black wind the stars shall die
and still be gold here let them lie
till the Dark Lord lifts his hand
over dead sea and withered land."

The words hung heavy in the silence that followed them. “He’s not programmed to say that,” Isaac stated worriedly after a few moments.

Hawk and Twilight exchanged looks of concern, knowing full well what such oddities could be a sign of. The man drew his revolver and moved towards the door, motioning for Twilight to follow him, “Come on Sprinkles, looks like duty calls.”

The unicorn trotted after him, but not before giving Isaac a grave look, “Mr. Isaac, please stay indoors until this storm clears up. Oh, and if you hear any explosions, just...keep your head down.”

“Will do,” replied the technician eyeing the mare with utter confusion.

“Doo-ooooN’t loOK It in ThE eyes!” chimed the monolith.

* * *

“Thanks for your help today Pinkie, and I’m really, really sorry about your chicken suit. I didn’t know the chickens could be so, well, violent!” Fluttershy said apologetically to the pink earth pony as they both picked up the remains of what was once a yellow chicken costume.

“Aw don’t you fret!” replied Pinkie patting her demure pegasus friend on the head, “as good ol’ Applejack would say, ‘That ther chicken suit was itchier than a bucket full a fleas!’”

Fluttershy spat the yellow feathers she had in her mouth into a small basket with the other remnants of the pecked to pieces suit. Looking at Pinkie Pie with a thoughtful stare, she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard Applejack say that.”

Pinkie bounced over to the pegasus and wrapped a hoof around the back of her friend’s neck, “Oh Fluttershy. I didn’t say that she had said it you big silly, I said that was what she would have sai-”

She was interrupted by a loud roar of thunder that echoed through the air and shook the earth. Fluttershy immediately dove underneath the nearest patch of shrubbery with a yelp, while Pinkie merely jumped with surprise and stared at the cloudless blue sky with confusion. A second crack of thunder sounded out over the clear expanse, sending an icy shiver down the pink mare’s spine and leaving a feeling of hopelessness in her heart. She recognized the feeling. It was the same one she felt a week ago when she and her friends had confronted the Headless Horseman.

“I thought the weather ponies said there weren’t going to be any storms today,” came the meek pegasus’s voice from the bushes.

Pinkie glared at the sky and responded with an edge to her voice, “This isn’t a storm Fluttershy, it’s another monster popping into existence!” Without hesitating, the pink pony charged towards the entrance of the Bureau while shouting behind her, “See you later Fluttershy! I need to go do something about this!”

“O-okay,” mumbled Fluttershy as more thunder rumbled through the sky, “I’ll just stay here.”

Leaving the yellow pegasus alone in a shrub did not exactly feel right to Pinkie, but Fluttershy had her animals and that shrubbery. She should be fine. Bursting through the rear entrance of the Bureau and making her way down the halls, the pink mare eventually found herself at the communication lounge where Rarity, Zorro, Megan, and Dimitri stood talking to President McCullough through the telescreen.

“...intercepted phone messages indicate that the animals from Central Park’s zoo have gotten loose and started attacking the citizens.”

“Should I go get Fluttershy sir?” asked Megan, “She’s a wonder with animals.”

The aging man on the screen shook his head, “If only it was that simple. Based on those reports, these animals have glowing eyes and can laugh. Any attempt to ensnare the beasts was met with lethal failure, and I fear Fluttershy would meet a similar fate. The fog limits vision, so there’s going to be close quarter’s combat, so Dimitri, I’m assigning you to get your partner and yourself in there to help Agent Hawk and Twilight take out the threat.”

“I vill tell her right avay sir,” replied Dimitri with a salute as the screen blinked off. Turning towards the door with a brisk step, the young man saw the pink pony standing in the door way. “Oh hello Pinkie! Ve are going to go subdue some animals in Central Park.”

“Well what are we waiting for?” responded the pink mare with urgency, “There are ponies to save! Oh, and humans too I guess.” Placing a hoof to her chin she added, “We really need come up with an all inclusive word for saying things like that. Bronies? No that won’t work, it reminds me too much of brownies. Sweet, delicious, fudgey, chewy, warm, brownies that go with milk! But now’s not the time to talk about brownies Dimitri! There’s ponies and humans to save from spooky animals!”

With that, Pinkie Pie charged down the hallway towards the entrance lobby. Dimitri looked back at the rest of the group in the lounge. All of them, save for Rarity who simply shook her head, stood with odd looks on their faces and waited for the young man to add something to his partner’s eccentric outburst. He could only shrug and run after the pink mare.

* * *

The fog had caught Celestia by surprise, as did the sudden storm that now rumbled somewhere above her. The once bright and sunny day she had been looking forward to spending with her student was now dark and misty, giving the forested park an eerie atmosphere. The other ponies who had been enjoying the park when she had first arrived had all left after the first booming thunderclap, no doubt a holdover from their herd instincts.

Regardless, Princess Celestia now stood alone in a foggy field glaring up at the sky. “Blasted human weather,” she huffed with feigned displeasure, “You just had to rain on the day I visit my student didn’t you?” The storm clouds rumbled a low reply that made the shining mare give a pleasant grin. “I guess there’s no use in sweet talking you away is there?” she said with sigh.

Celestia spread her glamorous wings out wide, shuddering slightly as the temperature began to drop rather quickly. Far too quickly for her liking. Glancing at the darkening shadows of the trees, the Princess strained her eyes as she scanned the shadows of the tree line. Something darted between the trees, and was followed by a good few more somethings. A lot of somethings that were definitely not ponies.

Celestia closed her wings. If whatever she saw was dangerous, she couldn’t let them run free and hurt even one of her little ponies. “Who goes there?!” she called out, “Come out and reveal yourselves!”

There was a long silence as the world around her grew ever more dim. Celestia stood in the small clearing with nothing but the fog and the fading echos of her call for nearly a minute before her demand was answered. From the shadows stepped forward nearly a dozen lupine figures, all of them barring their gleaming white fangs as guttural growls filled the silence.

“Wolves,” the alicorn said with disdain, “my least favorite type of canine.” Celestia counted each of the growling beasts as they slunk out of the shadowy cover of the woods, and eventually stopped at ten. She spread he wings out again, this time in a more imposing fashion, and began channeling power into her horn. “Not that you can understand me,” she called out to the wolves, “but if you value your safety, then you should all retreat back to whatever you call a home.”

The wolves continued to advance towards the Princess despite her imposing stance. It wasn’t long before the dazzling white alicorn found herself surrounded by the feral beasts, each one eyed her hungrily as they circled. Celestia waited for their inevitable rush, when they would all be unable to escape the spell she had prepared.

They circled.

She waited.

“Come on,” Celestia said under her breath, “What are you waiting for?”

The wolves continued to circle, and as time went on their panting breaths began to sound like laughter. Sick, maniacal, taunting laughter directed at her. At first Celestia just thought she was hearing things, but as the sound continued she realized that the wolves were actually laughing. As they continued to cackle, the Princess’s face contorted in horror as the eyes of the wolves began to glow with an unearthly blue light.

Celestia lowered her head and grumbled to herself, “Horse-apples.”

* * *

“See anything Hawk?” asked Twilight as she scanned the now ominously foggy woods.

“Not yet,” he replied, “but in my experience, that usually doesn’t mean something isn’t there.”

The small purple unicorn shot the man a curious look, “You have experience with this sort of thing?”

Hawk looked at the unicorn with a shrug, “Well not with this kind of situation in particular. I’ve never had to deal with ghosts and goblins until this whole mess started, but I do know my way around an ambush.”

After exchanging a welcome laugh, they both looked back into the darkness of the forest that surrounded them. The trees, that had once seemed alive and welcoming, now looked twisted and dangerous, and the verdant green grass had turned to a much darker shade. It was almost as if the fog was choking the color out of everything it touched. Twilight herself noticed that she could barely make out the color of her own coat.

To add to the off putting atmosphere, the air had gotten much colder as she and Hawk ventured deeper into what was once Central Park, causing her to shiver occasionally. It was cold enough now that, despite the mist, the unicorn could see her breath hang in the air. After a minute of what felt like aimless wandering, the both of them found themselves in a large field that was mostly obscured by thick fog and seemed eerily vacant of life.

“Like this here,” said Hawk stopping in his tracks, “this just screams ambush.”

Twilight looked around at the foggy nothingness that surrounded them. There wasn’t a sound to be heard other than their own breathing. Looking back to Hawk, the unicorn offered up a weak smile and said, “Maybe we’ll get lucky and whatever manifested isn’t all that horrible?”

Somewhere behind them in the fog, tree limbs began snapping. Something that sounded big was coming for them. Hawk immediately stepped between Twilight and whatever was approaching them, raising his revolver to greet it when it finally showed up.

“Guess not,” said the unicorn as she moved behind Hawk and began scanning her memory for any spell that might help take down a large unnatural creature. It was then that Twilight saw the large pair of glowing blue orbs that were silently charging them from the opposite. “Hawk there’s another one!” screamed Twilight as she pointed a hoof at the approaching lights.

The man glanced over his shoulder, and a smirk crossed his face. “Nice flank.”

Despite the grim situation, Twilight took the time to glare at him and shout, “Excuse me?!”

Hawk seemed to realized what he said and hastily added, “The tactical maneuver! It’s called flanking, I was just...”

“Whatever!” shouted Twilight as she returned to face the oncoming attacker, barely registering the warmth that had made its way into her cheeks.

It was a warmth that quickly faded, as a very angry looking polar bear charged out of the fog towards her, its eyes gleaming with ghostly blue light and set on her. The small unicorn panicked and let go an unfocused bolt of force that barely hit the white ursine. Unfazed, the bear continued towards her with a snarl of rage.

Loud bangs erupted from behind her, as Hawk began to shoot the second polar bear that had been lurking in the treeline, which now charged towards the man. With drastic amounts of distance between her and her own fanged opponent disappearing rapidly, Twilight tried to focus on another spell that could stop the creature.

Before she could however, Hawk wrapped an arm around her waist and threw her over his shoulder. With two more shots towards the second bear, the man began running full out into the fog and away from the bears while a small confused pony watched the two hungry ursine monsters charge after them.

Hawk ran as fast as his legs could carry him through the fog until a small artificial pond came into view. The man slowed his pace enough to ask, “Can you teleport us outta here?”

Twilight shouted back at him, “DON’T SLOW DOWN! THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND US!”

Agent Hawk redoubled his speed towards the pool while managing to call back, “Just get us out of here when we hit the water!”

Twilight Sparkle barely heard the request above her own mind’s frantic panicking, ‘The force bolt didn’t work at all! We’re going to die! Why are their eyes like that? They look so...depressing...Wait, what did Hawk just say? Teleport? Right! I can do that easily enough, but where should we go? We can’t just leave these things running around, so leaving is out of the question...’

“GET READY!” Hawk shouted as he leapt up into the air.

The quick change in elevation and sudden feeling of flight made the unicorn mare’s thoughts solidify on the one pony that she knew could help: Celestia. She squeezed her eyes shut and focused hard, feeling the familiar power enter her horn. Before the man’s feet hit the water, an orb or bright pink energy surrounded him and the pony that was slung over his shoulder. In a brief moment the both of them were gone.

* * *

A jeep drove down the paths of Central Park at extremely dangerous speeds while its radio blared music loudly, only barely avoiding the occasional ditch and all too frequent low hanging tree branch. Dimitri seriously questioned how he had let Pinkie convince him to let her drive.

“I WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NI~IGHT, AND PARTY EVER-RY DAY!” shouted the pink pony in tune with the song, “Oop! there’s our turn! I think it’s our turn anyway, but whatever here we goooooooo!”

The car swerved down a side path that allegedly led deeper into the park while the young man in the passenger seat tried to hold on for dear life. Despite not having hands and being shorter than necessary to actually drive the car, Pinkie was doing an exceptional job of not crashing into anything or anyone. Not that Dimitri noticed, as he and his lunch had parted ways somewhere back along the road.

Clutching his large axe close to his chest for comfort, the young man mournfully eyed the pony that drove the jeep, “Vhy did I let you drive?”

Pinkie Pie smiled at the man in a truly gleeful expression, “I challenged you to a shotgun race and you won! Remember?”

“Oh...right...Vait, how are you even driving the car?!”

“I’m standing on my hind legs! This driving thing is a lot harder when you can’t sit down!” she returning her gaze back to the foggy path in front of them.

The jeep took another sharp turn, somehow dodging a rather gnarled tree, and burst out into a wide open field. Dimitri breathed easier with the knowledge that there were now very few things for the car to collide into, and even went so far as to poke his head above the dashboard. It was almost obscenely foggy, and Pinkie was driving far too fast for the young man to make anything out in all the gloom.

“Do you know vere you are going?” he asked the jubilant pink pony as he slowly inched out of his fetal position.

Pinkie Pie made another sharp turn before replying, “Kinda. My Pinkie Senses are telling me that somepony needs our help from somewhere...” she rolled the steering wheel all the way to the left and pushed down on the accelerator, “...in a this way sort of direction!”

Now sitting completely upright, axe still gripped with all his strength, Dimitri scanned the gloomy fog that clouded everything for any sign of Hawk or Twilight. Seeing nothing through the thick layers of mist and shadows, he hoped that the pony’s ‘Pinkie Senses’ were as accurate as she claimed they were.

“Get ready Dimitri!” she said suddenly with a chipper tone.

“Vhat?” he asked scanning the horizon, “Did you see something?”

She gave the young man a bemused look, “Pfft, no. I can’t see a thing, but I can totally hear a bunch of ponies laughing their flanks off dead ahead! I knew we should have brought that van! This jeep is just too small to fit a bunch of ponies in.”

Dimitri cocked an ear to the breeze and was barely able to make out the faint sounds of laughter on the wind. He regarded Pinkie Pie with an impressed expression and reached for his shotgun. While he did in fact hear the laughter as Pinkie did, he was not so sure that it was a group of ponies laughing.

As the jeep grew closer to the cackles, a very pained scream came from out of the fog.

* * *

Celestia made the first move.

Beating her wings with enough force to kick up a strong breeze, she flew a ways into the air to take her out of reach of the wolves’ jaws. Her horn shimmered with power as she summoned the energy for a spell that would put the beasts to rest for good. The pack of wolves beneath her stopped their circling and simply looked at her as she rose into the air, but their jeering laughter almost seemed to intensify.

“Oh you won’t be laughing for long you curs!” shouted the Princess as a sphere of shining white light emanated from the tip of her horn.

The sphere hovered above her for a few moments before it launched itself towards the center of the circling wolves, leaving a trail of glittering light in its wake. The shining orb hit the ground and sent powerful waves of energy cascading across the field, each one sweeping over the wolves and igniting them in a brilliant blaze of white fire. Despite the flames, the wolves continued their chorus of sinister cackling.

Celestia could barely contain her disgust as the flames ebbed away, revealing the frightful condition of the beasts. The fire had scorched most of the flesh from their bones and left them with just enough charred skin and muscle to make her queasy. Not only did the appearance of the wolves turn more abominable, but so too did their ongoing laughter.

The alicorn grimaced at the gruesome forms of the wolves. She had lived longer than any other pony in the world, but she had only seen such terrible things in her nightmares. ‘All the more reason to destroy them,’ she thought as her features hardened.

Celestia prepared another spell that would turn the lupine horrors to ash, and her horn began shining with a dazzling display of power. A sudden sharp pain struck her left wing, accompanied by a the sound of thrashing wings. She tried to stay aloft as more stabbing pains ran across her back and wings, while small dark and feathered forms swarmed around her. The sun princess beat her wings to try and force the creatures away, but only served to give them more openings to attack from.

From what she could tell between all the flapping, pecking, clawing, and general confusion, she had somehow failed to notice a flock of crows as they had flown up behind her. Though none of the black birds kept still for long, the princess did notice that their eyes glowed with the same malevolent blue light as the wolves, and what was worse was that these foul birds were forcing her down to the jaws of the laughing lupine monsters below. Their constant assault made it nearly impossible for her to focus on a spell to get rid of them for good. She had to get some distance if she was going to end the existence of these monstrous beasts before they tore her to pieces.

With a mighty flap of her wings, Celestia shot through the air at great speeds while she focused some energy into her horn. The crows pursued, the glowing blue beads that were their eyes cut through the fog and gloom, making it impossible for them to loose sight of the majestic white alicorn. The wolves also gave chase below, no doubt following the trails of blood that her fresh wounds were leaving behind.

Celestia pushed herself to go as fast as she could through the gloom, her wounded wings only barely keeping her ahead of the crows. ‘I just need a bit more time, and then those blasted monsters will be cinders!’ She banked left to try and buy herself a few more seconds for her horn to accumulate the power needed to get all of her flying pursuers, coming dangerously close to the ground where the wolves had amazingly kept pace with her.

A shot of pain ran through her right side, causing that wing to contract immediately. Letting loose a loud scream of pain, the Princess rolled through the air and collided with the ground and tumbled over the field. He entire body ached from the impact. The back of her mind screamed for her to rise up and face her attackers, but something was keeping her muscles from moving.

She could hear the dark and sinister laughter of the wolves as they surrounded her, and above her circled the crows that had grounded her. All of their eyes shined with the horrid and unearthly glow. As a growing numbness spread through her, Celestia made one last effort to stand, but collapsed back onto the ground in a heap.

Her mind swam with dozens of thoughts, all of them eventually leading back to one simple desire, ‘I can’t die here...I can’t leave Luna...I can’t leave her again...’ A small sliver of energy returned to her as she closed her eyes and began forcing herself to rise, only to have a heavy paw press down on her neck.

She looked up in terror as one of the wolves, one with half of its face burnt off, now stood triumphantly above her and glared into her eyes. The glow from its gaze seemed to drown the last reservoirs of resistance Celestia had left in her, and she now laid transfixed with the ominously shining orbs. The wolves’ laughter began to consume her mind, and it became all that she could hear. Seeing it’s prey helpless, the wolf almost leisurely placed its jaws around Celestia’s neck as the others members of its dark pack drew closer.

The undead wolf pack suddenly ceased their laughing. They heard something coming and they all turned to face the oncoming disturbance. As the burned creatures looked away from Celestia, she felt as though a great weight of hopelessness was lifted. Small reserves of energy flowed into her tired muscles, while pains that had once been too much to bear melted away almost entirely. All the undead beasts seemed distracted by some noise on the air, that Celestia herself found strangely intriguing.

It was loud, fast paced, and...coming right at her.

With the wolves distracted by the oncoming noise, the Princess teleported some ways off and prepared for another spell. It took a short time, but her strength was slowly returning to what it had been previously. The sound of dozens of flapping wings drew her gaze skyward, where she could saw the large murder of crows swirling above where she once was, their beady blue eyes refocusing on her. The hopeless feelings returned in force, but her spell was ready for them.

A massive cone of fire burst from the princess’s horn that lit up the gloom and caught all the oncoming crows in its flames. The blazing white inferno died quickly, but its effects were undeniably effective. The only thing that remained of the crows were clouds of dark ashes and some cinders that drifted through the air.

With her strength returned, Celestia perked an ear to the wind and heard the rambunctious music not too far off, as well as the snarling and broken laughter of the wolves.

The radiant princess spread her wings out wide and lowered her head, her gaze hardening into a scowl. “I think I have had quite enough of these beasts.”

* * *

Pinkie Pie had cranked the radio up all the way as they had gotten closer to the laughter, she and her human guardian sang along with the lyrics of the current song while she accelerated over the uneven terrain. Dimitri had propped himself up in the passenger’s side seat with his shotgun leveled forward, or as much as it was going to be with the pony’s driving, and his axe strapped to his back.

“PLANET’S DEVASTATED, MANKIND’S ON ITS KNEES!” they sang as they crested a hill and into view of a pack of half burned wolves looming over a large white something. “A SAVIOR COMES OUT THE SKIES IN ANSWER TO THEIR PLEAS!” There was a flash of light from the center of the mass of beasts and the white thing was gone. Dimitri fired off a shell into the nearest wolf’s skull, dropping the creature. “THROUGH BOILING CLOUDS OF THUNDER. BLASTING BOLTS OF STEEL. EVIL’S GOING UNDER DEADLY WHEEEEELS!” Pinkie steered the vehicle into the throng of half dead lupine monsters, ignoring the mass of flapping wings above them as she collided with three wolves, while sending another one under the wheels of the jeep.

The sudden bump sent Dimitri tumbling out of the jeep and rolling over the darkened earth. The pain from the impact was easily pushed to the back of his mind thanks to the adrenaline pumping through his veins, and the young man quickly righted himself with his weapon at the ready. The four wolves that had encountered the front end of the jeep all rose to their legs accompanied by a horrifying chorus of pops and snaps. The creatures turned to face Dimitri with their brightly glowing eyes and cruel, guttural laughter.

The man let loose another blast at the closest wolf which took off its lower jaw. Despite missing half its mouth, the beast was still able to give off the sinister cackle. The four monstrosities charged at him. He answered with another blast, this time hitting the lead wolf where he needed to. The top of the wolf’s head vanished in a cloud of red and black mist, while the rest of its body dropped to the earth with a thud. The other three charged over the now lifeless form of the other one with fangs ready to pierce the man’s throat.

Another shell fired from the man’s weapon and took off the left side legs of the one currently in front. It didn’t yelp in pain, nor did it stop trying to get to him. It continued crawling on its two remaining legs towards the man while sinister laughter echoed from its mouth.

With two of the lupine monsters nearly on him, Dimitri dropped his shotgun and pulled forth the his medieval axe from its sheath. Doing some quick measurements in his head, the young man braced for the beasts’ attack and readied a swing. As soon as the lead wolf was in range Dimitri launched his strike at its shoulder with enough force to send it crashing sideways into its follower. The young man had only a brief time before both wolves would get back up on their legs and rip him to shreds, so he took the opportunity to put his axe into one of their heads.

The swing came down hard on the wolf that lay atop the other, and proved well placed as the creature ceased its enraged flailing. He didn’t have time to remove his weapon from the downed wolf before the one beneath it rose to its feet and leapt at him with a snarl. The jaws of the burnt wolf clenched tightly around Dimitri’s left arm and viciously attempted to pull the young man to the ground.

The bite sent tremors of intense pain all throughout Dimitri’s body, but the young man bore through it. With his free hand he reached for his axe and hefted it above his head, holding it just beneath the head so his next few strikes would be as powerful, and more importantly, as accurate as possible.

Dimitri chopped down as hard as he could at the creature’s neck. The young man could feel the undead wolf’s jaws dig deeper into his arm with each swing he made until the possessed beast’s head finally came free of its body. The jaws of the charred canine loosened as the ghastly glow faded from its eyes, the head falling to the ground shortly after with a thump.

Dimitri looked over to the wolf that was still crawling towards him despite lacking two of its legs. Dark laughter still emanated from its open maw and the ghostly blue light still filled its lupine eyes. A well of doubt began to fill the young man’s chest as he approached the undead creature, but it was quickly dismissed by the song that repeated in his mind. He raised his axe above his head and sang, “THIS. IS. THE PAIN KILLER!” As he brought the strike down, the sky lit up with a burst of bright fire from not to far off.

* * *

Pinkie Pie was not exactly sure how she felt about driving the jeep into the laughing mass of wolves. She hated doing harm to anything, living or dead, but she had promised herself to do what she had to in order to protect others, and had vowed to never freeze up like she did with the Horseman.

On one hoof, the wolves were obviously evil and dead set on seeing her and all of her friends mauled to death, which did not sit well with her at all. On the other hoof, the thumps of the wolves hitting the bumper were getting kind of disturbing.

“Ah, what can ya do?” she said to herself with a sigh as she swerved into another near skeletal canine and sent it tumbling into a crumpled and inanimate heap nearly ten meters away. Pinkie spotted two more of the possessed creatures making their way towards Dimitri, who was occupied with the one on his arm. “Oh no you don’t you sneaky puppies!” she shouted as she turned sharply and drove at them, “HONK HONK! COMING THROUGH!”

Their bodies fell under the wheels of the vehicle and crumbled under the weight. Pinkie Pie drove back around to make sure they weren’t getting up, and was genuinely disappointed when she saw that the burned, battered, and broken bodies of the wolves were shakily rising to their feet as if they were broken puppets being pulled on by invisible strings.

The jeep turned towards the wolves’ and again slammed into them, this time crushing their skulls against the bumper. The music blaring from the vehicle’s radio helped the pony block out the squashing sounds that followed, but the two bumps that jostled the jeep were much harder to ignore.

A blast of fire from not too far off illuminated the sky and burned away a great deal of fog. The sudden explosion of flame surprised Pinkie enough to make her stop her car and look towards the fading embers that drifted down from mist filled air. Shortly after, the shining form of Princess Celestia appeared from the gloom flying towards the remaining wolves. The divine princess’s glamorous white coat bore a dozen painful looking cuts and her wings were dotted with deep red patches. Her face, in addition to the scrapes and scratches, had possibly the angriest expression Pinkie had ever seen on a pony, especially one who was as kind and gentle as Celestia.

The princess landed close to where Dimitri was and glared at the remaining wolves that circled them around the field. “Get close to me!” Celestia called to Pinkie and Dimitri with commanding shout.

The pink earth pony leapt from the driver’s seat of the jeep and rushed towards the alicorn, who’s horn was beginning to glow with a great deal of power. She arrived at the princess’s side shortly before Dimitri did, and felt a pit grow in her stomach when she caught sight of his left arm. Rays of light shot out of Celestia’s horn towards the remaining wolves. When the rays hit their marks, the lupine horrors were once again covered with intense white fire, except this time the flames did not subside until the creatures were nothing but ashes and wisps of black smoke.

The world became quiet, save for the music that still played from the jeep, and upon surveying the battle field, Dimitri gave an impressed whistle and said, “Черт, Those volves vere nasty.”

“Not as nasty as what happened to your arm,” said Pinkie Pie worriedly as she trotted over for a better look.

The young man winced as he looked down at the gash in his forearm. “Yeah...I vas trying not to think about that.”

“Such wounds are not to be ignored young man,” said Celestia as more light glowed from her horn. After a short time she pointed it at the man’s wounded arm, sending dazzlingly white sparks of light from her horn’s tip and into the lacerated flesh. Where each spark landed, new skin and muscle grew until all that was left of the bite was a scar. “There,” she said as the last of the sparks faded, “now we must...” The Princess swayed on her hooves and just barely stopped herself from falling over.

A look of concern flashed across Pinkie’s face as she tried to help steady Celestia by bracing her body against the alicorn’s side. “Princess? What’s wrong?”

Celestia smiled weakly at the pink pony as she regained her previous composure. “I am alright Pinkie Pie. Just a bit tired.” With a small chuckle she added, “I haven’t been in a fight like that for nearly a millennium! Not since...” The Princess’s words trailed off as old memories began to resurface.

“Not since vhat?” asked Dimitri flexing his newly healed arm.

Celestia’s face turned into a scowl, “...not since Nightmare Moon used such dark magic against me a thousand years ago.”

“Well that’s good right?” asked Pinkie Pie with a bright smile, “That means you know how to take these things down for good!” the pink pony happily bounded over to her young human companion and continued, “You can team up with me and Dimitri! We got a jeep and everything and Dimitri even brought some really loud music that’s way cool even though the lyrics don’t always say nice things but that’s okay because the guitars are wild!”

After a brief pause to digest what the young mare had said, Celestia nodded and with a soft smile replied, “Yes, remaining together is the best option. There’s no telling what other beasts have succumbed to this darkness.”

Pinkie very nearly exploded with enthusiastic cheers and back towards the jeep shouting, “I GET TO TEAM UP WITH THE PRINCESS! WOOOOO!”

Laughing under her breath, the princess turned to the young man with a grin, “Excitable little pony, isn’t she?”

“I cannot say I blame her,” he replied as he replaced his axe into its sheath. Walking a small way off, Dimitri picked up his shotgun and reloaded it while saying, “So Princess, vhere do ve go now?”

Celestia pondered the question as she and the young man walked to the waiting jeep, “To wherever Twilight Sparkle is Agent Dimitri. I will not allow any harm to come to her while I live.”

“Oh that’s so weird!” Pinkie Pie called back from the driver’s seat, “Agent Hawk said the same thing! That is one seriously cool co-inky-dink if you ask me, though it’s weird how it’s always about Twilight and not anypony else like me or Rarity or Fluttershy or Ditzy Doo or Rusty Bolts or Pot ’o Luck or Sherbet Surprise or...”

As the pink pony continued to ramble off names, Dimitri gingerly moved her over to the passenger’s side and climbed into the driver’s position. Casting an almost forlorn look to Celestia he said, “Hold on to something Princess...the back seat can get a little rough.”

The equine princess climbed into the bed of the vehicle and stated rather excitedly, “Don’t worry about me Agent Dimitri. I’m immortal.”

Dimitri merely shrugged as he cranked the radio up and pressed down on the accelerator. The loud music trailed off as the jeep shot across the field and into the thick fog, a faint black mist following silently in its wake.

* * *

The thick fog and clouds that hung low to the ground drifted aimlessly over the dark, empty field. The once vibrant green grass now looked dead and lifeless in the gloom, while the warm summer breezes had turned into chilled winds. A sudden spark of bright light disrupted the oppressive atmosphere for a brief instant, leaving behind a human man and purple unicorn mare as it vanished. The man tucked his body into a protective ball around the pony when his feet hit the ground, and deftly rolled across the grass.

Hawk looked around the deserted field after a few moments had passed, and noting that there was no sign of any bears, loosened his protective hug around Twilight. “Where did you take us?” he asked as looking down at the pony that was cradled in his arms.

It took a moment for Twilight to respond, as her mind was still reeling from the spell. She recalled that succeeding in a blind teleport often had side effects. Sometimes a pony would appear a bit singed when they reformed, or have a really bad case of vertigo, and in some unfortunate cases they would be missing a limb. Twilight currently suffered from the intense case of vertigo, and in an attempt to stop herself from throwing up all over her human rescuer, she rested her head against his chest to steady her head.

“Twilight?” Hawk asked with a twinge of concern in his voice.

Waving a dismissive hoof in the air, the unicorn groggily replied, “I’m fine Hawk, I just feel like I’ve had a headache for three months. It happens when a unicorn teleports without a destination in mind.” She looked up at the man’s face with slight difficulty, asking, “Are you okay? Anything missing or have a burning sensation?”

The man inspected himself, confirming all fingers and toes were right where they were supposed to be, and that he felt no different than before the unicorn’s spell was cast. “I’m good,” he responded with a grin, “but you look like you just took a shot or two of whiskey.”

Twilight managed a smirk saying, “It’s not that bad. I should be fine in a minute or two, so long as I don’t move around too much.”

The man looked like he was about to laugh before a roar in the distance drew his attention. “We may not have a minute. Are you good enough to walk?”

“I think I can stand,” she replied. ‘I wouldn’t mind staying here though,’ the mare thought to herself, ‘this dumb fog is freezing, and Hawk’s stupidly attractive chest is nice and warm!’ Her cheeks began to redden as the thought echoed in her head. Suddenly realizing what she had just admitted, she subtly shook the thought from of her mind while also trying not to make herself sick in the process.

Hawk gently placed her on the ground where she stood with slightly wobbling legs. The mare gave a weak smile at her success, and it only grew stronger when she looked up at the man as he reloaded his revolver. His presence was comforting in these kinds of situations, and Twilight couldn’t help feeling the pleasantly warm feeling in her cheeks spread throughout her body. There was another roar close by that snapped the unicorn back to reality. Looking in the direction the sound came from, the little pony saw two pairs of glowing eyes faintly gleaming through the gloom.

‘Right. The bears,’ Twilight reminded herself, ‘No time for lovey dovey feelings. Not that I even know where those are coming from...I mean Hawk is nice looking and all, for a human, but seriously, we aren’t even the same species! Even if I was into him, which I am not, I sincerely doubt humans are into cross species relationships. That’d just be-’

Two loud bangs from Hawk’s revolver interrupted her thoughts. The two furious creatures the eyes belonged to ignored the wounds and continued to rapidly close the distance between themselves and their targets, leaving very little time for Twilight to think of a strong enough spell that would stop them in their tracks. Add to the fact that she was still a little woozy from her blind teleport to the mix, the prospects of surviving the next few moments were becoming increasingly bleak.

Deciding to fall back on a spell that had always proved reliable, Twilight focused her magic around the bears in a telekinetic grip. A purplish cloud sparkled into existence around the polar bears, lifting the ursine creatures off the ground with her will alone. The unicorn chanced a glance at Hawk, who’s face wore a very amused expression.

“Why didn’t you do that before?” he asked turning to Twilight.

Twilight replied with an apologetic smile, “They kinda spooked me. I think it has something to do with those eyes of theirs.”

“The eyes the robot told us not to look at when we were leaving the library?” Hawk said as he aimed his revolver at the nearest floating bear.

“No doubt,” Twilight responded as she refocused on maintaining the spell, “and I hope you can shoot that thing with your eyes closed.”

Hawk squeezed down on the trigger and fired a bullet right into one of bear’s eyes, resulting in the large ursine creature going limp as blood and a faint black mist dripped out the new opening. Twilight bit her lip and looked away as the haunting memory of dead dogs flashed to the surface of the unicorn’s mind. There was a second loud bang that stopped the second bear’s mad thrashing. Twilight released her magical hold on the bodies and let them hit the ground with a heavy thud. After taking a deep breath, she looked over to the corpses of the two of them, each had a bleeding hole where their left eye should have been.

Holding back the bile in her throat, she asked at length, “So, what now?”

Hawk walked over to the bears and prodded their bodies with the barrel of his revolver, eventually turning to Twilight and offering a shrug. “I have no idea. To tell the truth, I’ve just been guessing my way through most of this supernatural stuff. Hell, I didn’t even know if shooting them in the head would even work.”

Twilight swallowed the urge to throw up at the macabre scene and instead opted to concentrate on figuring out what their next move would be. “Okay let’s think,” she said as she began walking away from the two dead polar bears, “by now our friends are sure to have been sent in to get control of this situation by the Princess.”

“And Joseph,” added Hawk as he moved to keep pace with her.

A somewhat forced grin crossed the unicorn’s face as she continued, “Yes of course, sorry. Anyway, all we need to do is figure out which agent or pony was sent in, and then I can use a detection spell to find them!”

“Sounds good to me,” said the man while he replaced the empty rounds in his gun, “If memory serves me right, I think Dimitri was next up on the rotation. Knowing that kid, he’ll have that axe of his strapped to his back.”

The pony nodded in agreement and began to weave her spell. Soon, her horn glimmered with power and her irises shined with a pale pink glow. Twilight closed her eyes and beheld the world much differently, as if all the things inside of it were just white outlines on top of a infinite black canvas. She looked around for a moment or two before finding a small multicolored speck moving quickly some distance away.

“Aha! I found him!” she shouted excitedly, “He’s moving way too fast to be walking so he must be in one of those automobile things!”

“Good,” Hawk commented from behind her, “Which way is he headed?”

Twilight focused harder on the object, trying to cement the image of the young man’s axe in her mind. Her imbued vision grew stronger as she concentrated, the multicolored mass becoming closer and more defined as the seconds ticked on.

“I think he’s coming towards us,” she said with a relieved, albeit strained, voice. It was becoming more difficult for the purple unicorn mare to focus. The air had suddenly become colder around her, causing the little pony’s teeth to chatter against her will. Opening her eyes, Twilight tried to rub some warmth into her legs while saying, “Yowza...Hawk, did it get colder out here or is it just me?”

There was no response from the man. Raising an eyebrow, Twilight turned to look behind her. What she saw nearly caused her heart to stop from the mix of surprise and horror. Agent Hawk stood with his back turned to the unicorn, but what he was facing was something that could only be described as a living nightmare. It was what appeared to be a cloud of black mist with two brightly glowing blue orbs for eyes. Within the dark swirling vapors was what looked like a starving human with leathery, ashen gray skin that seemed barely able to stretch over its gnarled old bones. Whatever the creature was, it was staring right into the man’s eyes.

“Hawk?” squeaked Twilight.

The mist creature glanced over Hawk’s shoulder at the unicorn, instantly filling the pony’s mind with thoughts of hopelessness and despair. The whispers echoed in her head ceaselessly, continuing to tell her terrible things. ‘What have you done Twilight Sparkle? You convinced your friends to leave their lives behind. They had good lives in your homeland, lives that you begged them to leave. You took away their lives...their homes...their families...and they will all die here. They will all Die because You brought them Here. They will DIE hating YOU for forcing them away from those they love. YOU HAVE KILLED YOUR FRIENDS TWILIGHT SPARKLE.’

She tried to look away from the thing’s horrid visage but she couldn’t find the willpower to even blink. Tears welled up in her eyes as the mental assault continued, and the never ending swarm of voices that told her that she was the doom to all she loved grew only more intense. What was worse was that something in its voice or its eyes made her believe every word of it. The feeling of such total despair soon filled every inch of her being.

“W-what do I do?” she asked the creature with a whimper.

‘Come with me dear one, I shall save you...come with me to my home under the hill...Come with me and save the ones you love from your cruelty...’

The shadowy monster drifted away to the barest edge of their vision until the only thing of the creature that could still be seen clearly were its glowing blue eyes. Twilight and Hawk began to slowly walk after it, hypnotized by the alluring promises of the ghost like figure. The unicorn was only barely aware of her surroundings as she followed the glowing orbs into the deep gray mists. All she could hear was a voice in her mind telling her how she was an awful pony, and how following the lights would make everything better. She began to forget about where she was, and even that Hawk walked next to her. There were only the eyes. She couldn’t even perceive the sound of her hoofsteps as they clopped over the increasingly large stones that littered the ground. There was only the sound of the voice.

‘Come...’ said the voice, ‘We are almost there Twilight...Soon it will be over...Soon you will be at peace...With Us.’ Twilight smiled. Soon it would be over. Soon she wouldn’t have to worry about hurting her friends ever again.

Then she heard something beneath the voice. It sounded far off and faint, but her mind focused on it. ‘What is that?’ she thought.

‘Ignore it,’ the voice said to her, ‘Listen to me, listen to only me.’

The noise in her head got louder, and the unicorn stopped walking as she listened to it. The sound was odd, almost musical, and she started hearing voices that sang with it. Voices that were very familiar. Craning her head away from the hypnotic stare of the monster, Twilight gazed towards two new lights moving very quickly towards her. “Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie hit the breaks as soon as she saw her small unicorn friend, creating shallow trenches as the vehicle skidded to a halt in front of the unicorn. “Heya Twilight!” chimed the cheerful pink pony over the blaring music, “How’d your date with Hawk go?”

The bright pink earth pony was a welcome contrast to the dull gray that had surrounded Twilight for what felt like forever, and the unicorn didn’t bother to try and supress the smile that spread over her face when she saw her friend. “Pinkie Pie! Thank goodness you’re here!” shouted the unicorn as the grim thoughts faded from her mind completely.

“It’s not just me Twilight, Dimitri and the Princess are here too ya’ know,” replied the jubilant pony as she pointed to the vehicle’s bed with her hoof.

Twilight’s eyes went wide as they fell on the shining and regal form of Princess Celestia, who looked mildly discombobulated from the car ride she had just taken. “Princess! W-what are you doing here?!” the unicorn blurted out.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood...” said the Princess with an innocent smile. The alicorn quickly hopped out of the jeep and gave her pupil a loving nuzzle, “...and maybe making sure my star student is safe and sound.”

Pinkie Pie exited the vehicle with Dimitri and moved to stand next to the Princess. “Not to interrupt,” said Dimitri, “but vhere is Agent Hawk? Vasn’t he vith you?”

“Oh right!” Twilight replied as the seriousness their situation returned to her. Breaking away from Celestia she turned around and quickly scanned the fog for her human partner or any sign of the creature, finding only a prone form in the mist. “Hawk? Is that you?” she asked with worry heavy in her voice.

“I’m alive,” replied the shape, “I just need a minute.”

The ponies and Dimitri all gave a collective sigh of relief and walked over to Hawk, who was lying on his stomach with his gun still clenched firmly in his hand. Dimitri was the first to arrive at his side and knelt down to offer the man a hand. “Vhat happened to you comrade?” asked Dimitri.

Hawk groaned loudly as he rolled onto his back, looking a very sickly pale. “Bears,” he replied after a moment, “bears and a big, misty, ghost man...thing.” Taking Dimitri’s hand, Hawk pulled himself up into a sitting position and gazed at the faces of the ponies, which were awash with worry and relief. He cocked a brow when he saw Celestia and added, “I’m glad you could join us Princess, what brings you to this neck of the woods?”

“I was going to take my dear student out to lunch, but it seems you beat me to it. I was going to wait for you here until, well, this happened,” she said with a weary smile. As she looked around the gloom, Celestia’s smile faded completely as she continued, “And what of this ‘ghost-man thing’ Agent Hawk? Did you destroy it?”

“No,” he said flatly, “After we took down the bears some sort of black mist dripped out of them and turned into the whatever it was. I remember looking it in the eyes as it formed, but things get pretty hazy after that.”

Celestia’s expression grew distant as she nodded, “I had a similar experience with a pack of wolves, save for the appearance of the specter of which you speak.” Looking to the bright pink pony that stood not far off inspecting the ground for some reason, she continued, “Though the young Ms. Pinkie Pie and Agent Dimitri seemed impervious to its effects. Might I ask how?”

“Oh that’s easy!” replied Pinkie Pie cheerfully, “Just put a song in your head, or hay, sing out loud! That’s what me and Dimitri did when we saved you after all. It drowns out all of them spooky-wooky voices!”

“Where’d you learn that?” asked Hawk, color very slowly returning to his face.

Twilight flinched at the question, knowing full well Pinkie’s favorite way to answer such inquiries. The bouncing pink pony hopped over next to Hawk and leaned in close to his face. “Do you really want to know?” she asked between giggles.

The man looked to Twilight, but the unicorn had already buried her forehead into her front hooves. Looking back into the large, round, and bright blue eyes of Pinkie, he answered meekly, “Yes?”

Pinkie Pie’s smile grew very large as she began to sing, “Weeelllll~! When I was a little filly and the sun was going do~wn...”

“Is she...?” began Celestia with rather bemused expression.

Pinkie wrapped a foreleg around Hawk’s neck and continued, “...the darkness and the shadows would always make me fro~wn!” The man looked very confused, but seemed to have an undeniably healthier color than before.

Twilight gave her mentor a resigned look and stated, “She is.”

“I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I saw, but Granny Pie said th-”

“AHA!” Dimitri suddenly interrupted, “It is a Barrow Vight!”

All the others stared at him, some more relieved than others, and Pinkie herself looking mildly offended. “Dimitri! You interrupted my favorite song!”

The young man tried to sound apologetic, but his words were buried under his own enthusiasm, “Sorry Pinkie, but I think I’ve figured out just vhat this thing is! It is a Barrow Vight! Сын от суки, it all makes sense!”

“I’m glad it does for you Dimitri, because I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. What the hell is a Barrow Wight?” asked Hawk as he stood up, looking fully recovered.

Dimitri cleared his throat and began in as official a voice as he could muster, “Barrow Vights are a type of undead that can possess things, and it gets a hold of its wictem by looking them in the eyes and hypnotizing them. Then it leads them to his lair and sacrifices them.”

“Why on earth would it do that?” asked Twilight, utterly horrified.

Dimitri shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe because it is evil?”

The unicorn let out a small huff at the simplistic answer, but continued, “Okay, do you know how we defeat it? I’ve haven’t gotten as far as I would like to with my copy of ‘Spooky Spectres and Pesky Poltergeists,’ so at this point you know more than I do. ”

“Vell, according to Tolkien’s Bestiary, singing could repel the Vight, but to destroy it you vould need sunlight,” said the young man with a nod to Celestia. “The light vould instantly kill it, as vell as free anything that is being possessed. Allegedly.”

“And the one pony that can bring out the sun decided today was a good day to visit the park? Convenient,” Hawk stated as he looked around at the oppressive fog that surrounded them, “Now the question is: where is the little smoke cloud?”

“Hiding in its Barrow Den if it is not here,” said Dimitri, “It is like big hill vith door. Ve can just follow Pinkie Pie’s ‘Pinkie Sense’ to find it.” Hawk eyed the young man incredulously. Dimitri put his hands up and said flatly, “Yes, I know, but it vorks.”

“I can confirm that,” Twilight said raising hoof.

The older man digressed and motioned for Dimitri to continue, saying, “Anything else?”

“If ve stay close to Pinkie, ve should not have trouble getting there. Ve may need to force it outside once ve get there though.”

Hawk raised a curious eyebrow, “Why?”

Celestia let out a small sigh as she looked up as the clouds above, “Because Agent Hawk, it is much easier for me to clear the sky of clouds than it is to shoot rays of sunlight, especially in my weakened state. I may be one of the most powerful beings in Equestria, but here in human lands my powers are slow to recuperate and my wounds are a great deal more...persistent.”

“Are you going to be alright Princess?,” Twilight asked looking at her teacher with utmost concern.

The radiant Princess gave her student a warm smile and nodded, “Yes Twilight Sparkle, I will be fine. Such mundane attacks can do no harm that an hour’s rest will not recover.”

“So what are we waiting for?!” shouted Pinkie Pie as she trotted in place impatiently, “Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and looked to the humans with a confident grin. “Well come on then, we’d better get going before Pinkie keels over from anticipation! Let’s go bust that ghost!”

Hawk and Dimitri exchanged amused looks and readied their firearms as Princess Celestia gave one last loving smile to her young unicorn ward before taking flight. With Pinkie leading the way while humming a chipper tune, the humans and ponies walked into the encroaching mist.

Their march through the fog was made much more pleasantly with the added company of Pinkie Pie, who hummed and sang songs constantly, often incorporating the few things they could make out in the gloom into whatever she was singing flawlessly. In their wake, patches of sunlight began to shine through the mist and burn away the dark fog. The color of the grass and trees seemed to return as they became illuminated, and the chill wind that once dominated the air began to falter to a much warmer breeze.

Within five minutes the diverse group arrived at their destination. It was just as Dimitri described it would be. There in front of them was a very large hill with dark stone steps that ended at a large black rock doorway. The door was wide open, practically beckoning to them to enter the deep darkness that lay within.

“So you’re like ghost repellent right?” Hawk asked Pinkie Pie as he drew his revolver.

“Yuh-huh!” replied the cheerful pink pony.

“Good,” said the man, “Then you lead, Dimitri follows, then Twilight with some light, and I’ll be the caboose on this little train.”

“That means I’m the engine right?” Pinkie asked with excitement, “I always wanted to be a train engine! Or was that a train conductor? I forget, but anyway I love trains! They’re like moving rooms that you can stick together, and I’ve always wanted to have a train that had, like, a million rooms so I could put a party in each one and have a non-stop PARTY TRAIN! CHOO CHOO!”

The humans took a nervous step back towards Twilight as Pinkie began to pump her arm and make train noises. Twilight just rolled her eyes and called to the enthusiastic pony, “Pinkie stop! You’re scaring the humans!”

Pinkie Pie stopped moving completely, appearing frozen in mid hoof pump while smiling like a loon. Twilight let out a small sigh and looked to the man to her right with an embarrassed blush in her cheeks. “Sorry Agent Hawk, Pinkie tends to go off on some pretty crazy tangents sometimes.”

“I’ve noticed,” he stated with a hint of amusement. Glancing at the unicorn he added, “Can you...ya know, make her get going again?”

Twilight nodded and turned back to her pink friend, calmly saying, “Okay Pinkie, move out.”

“Okey-dokey!” Pinkie replied as she sprang back into motion and skipped up the dark stairs to the entrance of the Barrow Den.

Dimitri readied his axe and followed after the bouncing pink pony while Twilight and Hawk moved in behind him. By the time they climbed to the mouth of the Den where Pinkie stood waiting and looked down into utter darkness of the burial mound, thin rays of light were beginning to shine through the fog, but not nearly enough to illuminate the black depths of the mound.

Pinkie entered the Den with a noticeably smaller spring in her step, and her large blue eyes looked around the dark hallway warily. After Dimitri stepped in after the pink mare, Twilight summoned a small orb of light to her and trotted into the dark after the other two. She was only mildly comforted by the sound of Hawk’s footsteps that followed close behind her.

The light from the unicorn’s horn proved effective in illuminating the innards of the mound, and despite the long shadows that the light cast, it revealed the many grim features of the Barrow Wight’s lair. The walls were a mix between jagged outcroppings of stone with large, coffin sized, holes in them and smooth masonry. The sections of the walls and ceiling that were made of worked stone were no less intimidating to the small pony, as they were decorated with gruesome scenes of humans being struck down and devoured by hideous monsters with frightening faces and toothy maws.

Gulping down the fear that was welling up in her throat, the purple mare began to quietly hum one of her favorite songs and hoped that she wouldn’t have to meet any of the creatures depicted on the walls. Although the tune helped her focus against any dark thoughts, her own curiosity once again drew her eyes to the carvings. Her inner academic took mental notes as she passed each carving, memorizing little facts about each one. Particularly those that depicted the monsters being slain.

Before long the group arrived at a large stone archway that led into an antechamber of sorts. Channeling some additional power into her horn, Twilight sent the small orb of light from its tip towards the center of the room where it floated serenely in the gloom. The light illuminated much of the dark space, revealing that the room took up a great deal of space within the hill. Twilight guessed that the roof of the hall had at most, only a half meter separating it from the outside. Stalactites and stalagmites dominated the edges of the underground chamber, obscuring the numerous wall carvings that completely circled the room. From a purely architectural and geographical standpoint, Twilight had to admit it was impressive, but what really drew her attention were the mounds of glittering treasures scattered all over the floor.

Gold, jewels, silks, and every assortment of opulent finery was there in piles that sparkled like stars in the dim light. The eyes of the four companions went wide as the looked over the trove, Hawk even giving an impressed whistle as he and Dimitri moved into the chamber for a closer look.

“Hey Dimitri,” Hawk began as he bent down to look at a fine golden scepter, “why’s a ghost need so much gold?”

“Vell, according to myth he doesn’t,” replied the younger man as his eyes scanned the small mountain of riches, “He only keeps it so he can lure travelers into lair and kill them.”

“Seems to be working,” said Twilight with a small chuckle as she passed by the two men.

Pinkie Pie found the small joke a great deal more amusing than the unicorn and giggled uncontrollably. “Ohmygosh, Twilight, *snort* that was a good one,” she managed to say amongst the fit of jubilant chortles.

The two men exchanged amused looks and stood up to follow the pair of ponies, Dimitri saying with a dismissive sigh, “Probably cursed anyvay.”

Twilight led the group to the center of the large tomb, doing her best to see anything else in the darkness. From the center of the room, she discovered that the piles of gold were actually arranged in such a way that they made two other paths.

One path lead to what appeared to be a rather odd looking stone slab. It was adorned with strange carvings that hurt the unicorn’s eyes just by looking at them. Above the altar, propped up in an ornate stand, was what appeared to be a long golden knife with a blood red ruby embedded in its pommel. Twilight shuddered at thought of what it was used for.

The second path through the treasure piles lead to the foot of a throne, seemingly chiseled from the very rock of the dark stone walls itself. It was decorated with the same strange runes she had seen on the altar, but it only took a glance to make her whole body shake as terror began to well up in her heart. She quickly averted her gaze from the throne, looking instead at the rocky floor beneath her hooves.

Despite Pinkie Pie standing right next to her, the feeling of fear didn’t leave the unicorn, and she felt her heart begin to beat faster as a familiar cold seeped into her skin. The others felt it too, and the purple mare could see each of them, even Pinkie Pie, shiver as their eyes darted from shadow to shadow. Even the small orb of light that hovered above them seemed to dim as the temperature dropped. Twilight could only assume that the Barrow Wight had grown tired of waiting, or that they had all finally walked right where it wanted them to.

The shadows of the Barrow Den grew darker, and a frightening black mist began to gather around the base of the throne. Hawk and Dimitri stepped in front of the ponies, putting themselves in between the mist and the small equines with weapons at the ready. A dark pillar of smoke rose up from shifting mass of shadows until it stood a head taller than Hawk. The black mists flowed off the pillar, revealing the ghastly form of the Barrow Wight within. It opened its horrid glowing blue eyes and glared at the group, assailing their minds with waves of despair.

“Hey you!” shouted Pinkie as she pushed hey way in front of the humans, “Why don’t you pick on somepony your own size!” The colorful earth pony’s smile was nothing but confident, and she stood unblinking against the horrible creature’s haunting visage.

The Wight’s glowing eyes narrowed as they fell on the small pink mare, and the ghostly creature let loose an unearthly wail as it flew towards her with withered arms reaching for her throat. The cry of the creature created a stabbing pain Twilight Sparkle’s heart, and the small unicorn collapsed on the stone ground as her breath flowed out of her.

She saw Hawk and Dimitri had fallen to the ground as well with their hands clutching their chests in pain, and watched in silent horror as the billowing black cloud that enveloped the ghastly creature descended around her and her friends. Only Pinkie Pie still stood to oppose the Wight. Her smile hadn’t even begun to waver, and she showed absolutely no sign that the phantom’s gaze affected her.

“You don’t scare me,” she said to it defiantly, “I won’t let you scare me! I won’t let fear stop me from saving anypony ever again!”

The Barrow Wight answered by trying to wrap both of its withered hands around Pinkie’s throat, fully intending to squeeze the life out of her. However, its claw like hands never connected. When they got near the pink pony’s neck, the Wight reeled back, as if something about Pinkie Pie had physically repulsed it. The ghastly monster glared at the colorful mare with all the hate it could muster as it drifted away from her and back into the shadows, vanishing completely.

Pinkie Pie let go a exaggerated sigh of relief as the dark creature disappeared and inspected the two humans before giving a small harrumph. She let loose a small giggle as she trotted over to Twilight with a small bounce to her step. The unicorn herself was feeling better and better with every step her bubbly friend took towards her, and by the time Pinkie arrived at her side, Twilight was already beginning to stand.

“How are ya Twilight?” Pinkie asked her with a pleasant, if a bit concerned, smile. “Still hanging in there?”

Twilight took a second to settle her mind and make sure the only thoughts in it were her own. Confirming all the sorrowful thoughts were gone, she nodded and said, “Yeah, I’m good. I swear though, I am getting absolutely sick of this thing and its hypno-vision.” Looking worriedly at the two downed humans, she let go a sigh of relief as Hawk began to stand up.

“Oh hey!” Pinkie called to the man cheerfully, “I thought you were asleep!”

“Asleep?” asked Twilight.

Pinkie nodded vigorously, “Oh yeah, those two were out like a pair of busted lights!”

The man was still picking himself up off the ground when Twilight arrived next to him, and his groggy movements sent small tremors of worry through the unicorn. “Hawk? Are you hurt?”

The man answered her with a back handed slap that sent the purple pony tumbling to the ground. Hawk then raised his revolver and leveled it at Pinkie Pie, pulling the trigger as soon as the sights aligned with the colorful pony’s head. The shot went high and cut through the mare’s cottony mane and hit a pile of gold behind her.

Pinkie Pie was still trying to comprehend that Hawk had just slapped Twilight to the floor when the first shot was fired at her, and the near miss sent the pony diving behind the nearest mound of treasure on a reflex. The pink mare’s heart raced as she tried to put as much of the pile between her and the now hostile human as possible. Another shot rang out as a bullet blasted its way through her cover, leaving a small hole in the heap of finery roughly three centimeters from her head.

By now, Pinkie was panicking. She had been ready to face down a ghost, she had even been ready to take down some ghost wolves to protect her friends, but now one of her newest friends was trying to kill her and the bright pink pony honestly did not know what to do. She frantically searched for something that might restrain the man or buy her more time to figure out what was actually going on, and her eyes eventually fell on a small outcropping of stalagmites that would make the perfect place to hide. She went for it, only narrowly avoiding a third shot as she dashed out from behind her old cover.

Diving behind the protective rock formation, Pinkie tried to calm herself down as best she could, while also trying to find Hawk before he found her. She peered between the small stone pillars in search of the man, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Now where did he go?” she whispered under her breath.

A click from behind her answered the question. Pinkie spun around to see the imposing form of Agent Hawk standing over her with his revolver pointed squarely at her forehead. His skin was as pale as a corpse’s and his eyes glowed with an all too familiar blue light.

“Oh,” she said with a faint chuckle, “there you are. I don’t suppose this whole trying to kill me is just some kind of joke you humans like to do, is it?”

The possessed man didn’t show any sign in his expression that he was joking. Of course, Pinkie couldn’t say she saw much of any emotion on the man’s face other than a faint sneer that glared at her from behind the gun’s barrel. All of her thoughts were cut short however, as Hawk pulled the trigger.

She was pleasantly surprised when, instead of a loud bang followed up by sudden death, there was an audible click. Looking up she saw that the possessed human was equally surprised.

“I guess you don’t know how those things work either,” she said to the possessed agent, a grand smile spreading over her face. Pinkie moved quickly and grabbed the barrel of the gun with her teeth, yanking the weapon out Hawk’s grip and throwing it across the large room where it clattered on the stone floor some five meters away. “You won’t be needing that thing anymore!” she said happily turning to face the still very much possessed Hawk.

The Barrow Wight inhabiting the man’s body obviously did not like that, and sent a clasping hand towards the pony’s throat. Pinkie Pie dodged to the left and galloped to the center of the room where Dimitri and Twilight were still recovering. Upon arriving beside Dimitri’s prone form, the bright pink mare began to nuzzle and prod the young man as she frequently looked back over her shoulder at Agent Hawk, who seemed to be taking his time in walking after her.

“Come on Dimitri! Wake up!” she shouted at the near unconscious man.

The young agent merely mumbled his response as he drifted in his half conscious state, “Отец, пожалуйста, не заставляйте меня идти…”

Pinkie let out a frustrated little whimper as she bounded next to Twilight. The unicorn was in a similar state as the young Dimitri, if a bit worse for wear. Her left eye was beginning to swell shut from where the possessed Agent Hawk had struck her, and she was unable to do more than lay on the ground and mumble nonsense while blood trickled onto the floor from her nose. No matter how much prodding or shaking she did, the young mare could not stir her friend. She was alone, and for a second, the many songs that played in her head all stopped. That brief second was all the Barrow Wight needed.

Two heavy footsteps stopped just behind her as fear finally began to take hold in Pinkie Pie’s mind. Turning around to look up at the deathly pale face of what once was Agent Hawk, she could only stare into the intense blue orbs that had replaced the man’s eyes.

‘You have failed,’ said a voice in her head, ‘You have no hope of defeating this vessel. It is beyond your ability to fight, and my hold over it is stronger than your white magic. You stand alone against a foe that you cannot defeat.’

Tears began to well up in Pinkie’s eyes as she felt her heart sink into a pit that had formed in her stomach. The young mare’s color appeared to drain out of her, and her mane and tail lost their cotton candy like appearance, instead becoming depressingly straight.

‘You need not feel despair,’ the voice continued, ‘I shall make your end a grand festival. One so great that all your friends will forgive you for failing to save them.’

“Really?” Pinkie asked as a weak smile crossed her face, “How?”

Hawk pointed at the altar. ‘There young one. There is your salvation.’

Pinkie looked at the large stone table, her eyes glancing over the knife and odd runes that adorned it. Strangely, the symbols looked much less sinister now, and to Pinkie, they even looked rather friendly. Pinkie trotted over to the altar, and after a hop and awkward climb, she laid herself down on top of it. Hawk went over to a pile of treasure and extracted a beautifully sewn white cloth. After grabbing another handful of golden finery, he draped the cloth over Pinkie and began outfitting the small pink pony with some of the finest jewelery she had ever seen.

“What are those for?” she asked.

‘You want to look your best for the festivities, don’t you?’

Pinkie, being hypnotized, agreed completely with the sentiment. The jewelry did look very pretty after all, and the pink pony was sure that if Rarity were here, the dazzling white unicorn would have had a field day. Rolling her head to the side, Pinkie Pie looked longingly at her friends. Twilight had opened one of her eyes and seemed to be looking around the room in a haze while Dimitri was trying to stand up, but appeared to be having some trouble. They were both saying something, but Pinkie couldn’t make it out. Even though they were both right there their words sounded so far away.

When the possessed man had finished placing a golden amulet with deep blue sapphires around Pinkie’s neck, he reached for the final item of the ritual. Hawk took hold of the large golden knife and held it above the mare with the blade pointed straight at her stomach. The colorful pony looked at the tip of the knife as it began to descend towards her, and with a final thought of her friends she closed her eyes.

The tip of the sword stopped mere centimeters above the pink pony’s skin as a purplish pink glow enveloped the blade. Hawk looked over his shoulder with a sneer and his blue eyes burned with hatred at the source of the opposition. There in the center of the tomb, glaring daggers out of the one eye that she could open, was Twilight Sparkle. She was not yet able to stand up, but all that mattered to the young mare was that she was conscious enough to save her friends. Both of them.

Dimitri on the other hand had recovered enough to stand, and was already upon the enthralled agent by the time it had turned around to glare at them. The two humans grappled next to the altar, Hawk leaving the large knife floating in midair in favor of strangling the young man who dared to challenge him. Fortunately for Dimitri, the Barrow Wight may have taken over Hawk’s body but apparently knew nothing about martial arts.

The young human used a leg to sweep out one of his opponent’s out from behind to unbalance him, and with a mighty heave sent the possessed man hurtling into a large pile of golden trinkets away from the altar. Dimitri did not let up in his assault, and moved over to the still recovering Hawk and shoved him face first to the ground.

“Stay down,” he said as he pinned the older man’s arms behind his back, “I vould prefer not to hurt my superior officer too much.”

By this time Twilight Sparkle had risen to her hooves and thrown the golden dagger to some far corner of the den. She trotted as quickly as she could to the altar where Pinkie was lying in some sort of dreamlike trance. “Pinkie!” Twilight shouted as she tried to shake her friend out of the haze that was clouding her mind, “Pinkie wake up!”

The act proved futile, as the pink pony remained in her torpid state despite Twilight’s increasingly desperate attempts to wake her. The sounds of struggle from behind forced the unicorn to accept the fact that, although Pinkie wasn’t conscious, she was at least unharmed. Turning about to face the two grappling humans, Twilight summoned more power to her horn and surrounded Agent Hawk with a glimmering field of magic. He struggled and squirmed as best he could, but it was far too late.

Dimitri moved off of the possessed man as Twilight lifted him up into the air and turned him over, as to make sure the only thing in danger of his ghostly stare was the ceiling. “Don’t even bother struggling,” she called to the monster inhabiting Hawk’s body, “the only place you’re going is outside and into the sunlight, and then this whole nightmare will be over!”

Then something Twilight wasn’t expecting happened: Hawk began laughing. It began slow at first, more of a bemused, barely audible chuckle, but it rose in pitch and intensity until his insane cackles filled the entire underground chamber. Eventually, a voice that seemed to be made of pure malice echoed out of the man’s mouth, “Oh, is it now?”

Twilight and Dimitri exchanged understandably worried looks. The young man gave a small shrug before shouting up at the creature, “Vhat do you mean? You are beaten! All ve have to do is carry Hawk’s body outside and poof! You are dead. Hawk is free. Ve go party.”

“This is as true as it is unavoidable,” it stated in a cold, almost bored, tone, “but you are wrong to assume that this nightmare will end with my destruction.”

“We know that!” countered Twilight angrily, “We won’t be done taking down monsters like you until all the magic that escaped from Equestria dissipates!”

It began to laugh to itself again, as if it found something amusing with the last statement. “Dissipates? The power that has swept over this world will not simply disappear. It must be gathered and contained as it was so long ago, and is again now.”

The words peaked the unicorn’s innate curiosity. “The wild magic is being collected?” she asked with somewhat less anger in her voice. “By who?”

The small unicorn could hear a grotesque sort of pride in the voice’s reply, “The Brothers in Darkness, who even now stir within their forgotten tombs and ancient prisons, corrupting the weak minds of men and beast alike to aid them in fulfilling their ultimate purpose.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

A sadistic grin crawled over the possessed man’s face, “To spread darkness and death to every corner of this world for all eternity! To bring and end to those that usurped their kingdoms by resurrecting the one who will bring forth the Everlasting Night!” The voice once again laughed in its twisted sounding cackles as its words resonated throughout the chamber.

“Vhy are you telling us all this?” asked Dimitri, “Are you not afraid ve vill stop you?”

“You cannot stop what has already been set into motion! You can only delay it!” replied the Wight, its malevolent voice stained with a disturbing cheerfulness.

Twilight and Dimitri again looked at each other, both wearing uneasy expressions on their faces. “Let’s get this over vith,” said Dimitri at length, “I feel like this monster has been alive too long.”

“Agreed,” replied Twilight, lowering Hawk’s body enough so that she could move it through the passage that led out. “Could you get Pinkie?” Twilight said to the young man as she began walking towards the exit, “I’d rather not risk losing any focus on keeping this one contained.”

Dimitri nodded and ran over to the altar where Pinkie Pie still slept. With one fluid motion the young man removed the jewelry that adorned the pony and hefted her over his shoulder as he made his way out of the tomb after Twilight. The Wight did not bother to struggle against Twilight’s hold over him, nor did it flinch when it saw the first hints of sunlight that illuminated the door that led outside.

Beyond the entrance were fields of bright green grass and wondrous blue skies. A refreshingly cool breeze blew in from the outside, something that seemed to nauseate the Barrow Wight in Hawk. Twilight couldn’t contain a smile from crossing her face as she sent the man in her magical grasp levitating into the daylight. The moment the light touched Hawk’s extremely pale skin, the voice of the Barrow Wight let go a very short lived scream as black smoke fled from the man’s body and evaporated in the afternoon sun. The man’s body went limp after all of the dark mist had vanished.

Twilight trotted out into the sunlight and set Hawk down on a soft patch of grass next to her. A smile spread over her face as color began to flow back into the agent’s skin. Using a steady hoof she opened up one of his eyelids to see that his eyes had returned to their normal, non glowing state.

Dimitri emerged from the underground and gingerly placed Pinkie Pie on the ground next to Hawk. It wasn’t long before her mane, tail, and coat were all renewed to their usual tone and fluff. The bright pink pony awoke soon after, slowly opening her large sky blue eyes and gazing up at the young man that was kneeling down next to her and the smiling purple unicorn that joined him soon after.

“Am I dead?” she asked groggily.

Dimitri let out a small laugh and replied, “No, but you still have to drive us back to Bureau. So there is still a chance.”

“I think I’ll let you drive this time. I feel like I ate another batch of Applejack’s baked bads,” Pinkie said through a bout of weak chuckles. With a contented little sigh, Pinkie Pie closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Twilight nuzzled the side of her friend’s head before trotting back over to where Agent Hawk was laid out. He still had not woken up. Twilight couldn’t help but feel a knot begin to grow in her stomach. The Barrow Wight’s warning, or boast, echoed in her mind and the feeling of dread practically consumed her. As the young unicorn mare waited for the man to regain consciousness, she heard the sound of large wings from above. Looking up, she gained some relief as she saw the majestic form of Princess Celestia descend from the azure blue sky towards her.

The glamorous alicorn landed gracefully next to Twilight, a brilliant smile covering her face. “Twilight!” she said happily as she wrapped her neck around her student’s “Thank goodness you’re alright.” Releasing the unicorn from the hug, the Princess looked at the unicorn’s swollen eye and furrowed her brow somewhat, saying worriedly, “It seems the creature put up a fight.”

Twilight nodded, and she looked at her mentor with a serious expression as she replied, “I’ll tell you about it later your majesty, but right now we need to get back to the Conversion Bureau and get the others. This crisis isn’t as simple as we thought.”

Celestia’s raised a confused eyebrow and asked intrigued, “How do you mean Twilight?”

The young unicorn sighed and prepared herself. Looking at her teach with a with look of honest terror, she said, “The Eternal Night is coming.”

The End of Episode 5
And it couldn’t come any faster, am I right?
HA HA! That was a joke.
It’s funny because it took so long to come out.
Get it?
…
So anyway, Episode 6 is going to be shorter
and hopefully it won’t take a year and
a half before it gets out!
Thanks for being patient with me.

Episode 1: Heads Up Part 3

Yellowstone:
The Series
By: Anonsi(Kids like decapitations right?)

Episode 1: Heads Up!
Part 3

The first sound from the crowd was a scream, which seemed to awaken every man, woman, child, colt, filly, and foal from their stupor. Davey had to elbow a kid in the face in order to get into his bus, but he was too panicked to care. He took the driver’s position and locked the door before anyone ever realized he started the engine.

The Horseman drew closer, an ethereal voice cackling madly as the phantom figure drew a long sword from its side. Half of the crowd simply ran into the inn or in any direction away from the Horseman. Pegasi took flight immediately, mothers grabbed their children and looked for someplace to hide, some humans and ponies beat on the side of the bus with their hands, or hooves, pleading to be let in.

In the confusion, Dimitri had lost track of his two pony escorts and worked frantically to maneuver through the crowd towards the church. Managing to draw his walkie-talkie he pressed red button, screaming into the receiver, “MAYDAY MAYDAY! BARNES, VE HAVE PROBLEM!”

The voice of Captain Barnes crackled through the device, “I hear it Dimitri, sending help now.”

Dimitri had broken free of the crowd, allowing him to pull out his shotgun. From what he saw before facing the oncoming horror, three people had reached the church courtyard: a green colt and a pink mare, as well as a man in a plaid button up shirt. Dimitri cocked the shotgun and took aim. But it was too late, the Horseman had moved behind the bus and into the crowd.

***

Pinkie had nearly been trampled by the mass of frightened people but was able to crawl under the bus before she got hurt. Looking out from her hiding spot at all the panicked feet and hooves dashing madly about, all she could think to do was shut her eyes and remember what her granny had told her so long ago.

‘I don’t think any amount of laughter is going to help here.’

***

When Fluttershy had seen the Horseman appear atop his Hell Horse, her body locked down from fear and paralyzed her. She saw death approaching her and she couldn’t even whimper. In the mass of panic and screams, she hardly noticed as she felt arms encircle her. A woman had picked her up and ran into the open inn. Once she lost sight of the Horseman, Fluttershy snapped out of her trance and took the opportunity to start crying hysterically. The woman carrying her dove behind a dusty old bar, holding the pegasus close while also putting a hand over Fluttershy’s mouth.

***

The Horseman had reached the stragglers of the crowd, a collection of humans and ponies that had either fallen behind or tried to gain entry into the bus. The Hell Horse collided with a light pink mare and trampled over her, as the Horseman slid the edge of his sword across the side of the bus at neck level. The sound of metal on metal caused Pinkie to cover her ears, but she was unable to shut her eyes.

As the pair of legs in front of her gave out and a decapitated body dropped to the ground, the victim’s head hit the earth in front of the pink pony’s nose. The man’s face was frozen in horror and staring right at Pinkie. She put a hoof over her mouth and quickly looked away, trying very hard not to scream.

‘As long as I stay under the bus it can’t get me, as long as I stay under the bus I’m safe.’ Pinkie looked out into the street and counted two more headless bodies, one human and one pegasus. The light pink mare from before wasn’t moving either. ‘But what about them? They need help! They aren’t safe!’ Pinkie summoned courage from parts unknown and began to crawl out from under the bus, avoiding the severed head.

When she was halfway out from under the bus’s wheels began to roll towards her. With physically impossible amounts of dexterity, she scrunched up her spine like an inchworm resulting in her being completely removed from under the bus. As the vehicle’s wheels passed by her, she reset herself back to her previous length and took in the carnage before her.
Amidst all the screaming and shouting, there was the Horseman’s wicked laughter that seemed to come from the air itself. Honks from the bus’s horn blared out as Pinkie saw a gray stallion get hit by the fleeing bus and his body disappeared underneath of it. The Horseman continued down the street after the many fleeing people, his malicious laughter echoing off the dark buildings.

“YOU THERE!” a voice came out from above. The voice came from an orange pegasus with a curly mane, who landed next to Pinkie and helped her to stand up. “What are you doing?! We need to get out of here!”

Pinkie was still in a mild stage of shock, and gazed at the orange Pegasus with a confused look.

He shook her with his two front hooves, “Come on, you need to get inside the inn where it’s safe!”

Pinkie snapped back to reality, “No!” she said, “Not the inn! We need to get to the church. We need to get everypony to the church! That was the plan and we’re sticking to it!” She ran off after those the Horseman wasn’t pursuing, screaming “TO THE CHURCH EVERYPONY!”

The orange pegasus gave a concerned look as she ran off, but it passed quickly as he took off into the air to help spread the word. He had to do something after all.

***

The Horseman had so far beheaded four humans and two ponies in his rampage, and had trampled over three more unfortunate souls. The crowd was making it hard to get a clear shot, so Dimitri had opted to run to the middle of the street instead of continue to the church. The Horseman began to circle back as he reached the edge of the town, obviously not wanting to bother with long chases when easy prey was hiding so close by.

Dimitri would not be easy prey, and leveled the barrel of his shotgun at the oncoming monster. “This is how ve say hello in Russia.” There was a loud "BOOM!" as Dimitri pulled down on the trigger. The Hell Horse’s left front leg exploded sending both horse and rider hurtling to the ground in a heap. “Hello.”

The Horseman extracted himself from the ruins of his mount and stood, green fire seeping from cuts along his form. The Horseman’s grip on his sword tightened and he began to approach Dimitri, the cuts and gashes vanishing with every step. Dimitri unloaded a shell directly into the Horseman’s chest which blew out the other side of the undead horror with a large gout of green flame. The resulting hole looked like a furnace, and left the Horseman momentarily stunned.

“How do you like a stomach full of pure salt comrade?” Dimitri said. Despite the gruesome scene he couldn’t help but smile. A smile that quickly faded as the hole in the Horseman’s chest closed completely, leaving no sign that it was ever there in the first place. “Oh трахнитесь.”

Dimitri noticed the Hell Horse was also standing up on all four of its legs. The Horseman resumed advancing on Dimitri, the ethereal laughter echoing louder than ever. But behind the ghastly pair was a pink pony leading a group of five or so survivors into the church. And behind them was an oncoming car driven by Barnes with a rainbow colored pegasus riding shotgun.

“And this is how ve say goodbye in Russia.” Dimitri bolted for the church.

“HEY BRAINLESS!” shouted Dash from the front seat. The Horseman and his steed turned to look at the approaching vehicle and were rewarded by being struck with the front of Mr. Keller’s jeep. Both horse and rider were sent flying through the air and hit the ground hard, several limbs turning at odd angles as they rolled to a stop. “HELL YEAH! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!” Dash exclaimed, pumping a hoof in the air.

Barnes wasted no time in rolling the car onto the Horseman’s still reforming body. Once she was sure the Horseman was stuck, she got out and drew her pistol. The Hell Horse had finished repairing itself and reared onto its hind legs, ready to defend its master. Barnes put a round of cold iron into its skull, dropping it for the time being.

“Wooow…” said Dash from her seat.

Barnes turned to Dash, “Church. Now.”

“But…” Dash was about to argue, but Barnes’ tone and subsequent stare did much to stifle the thought. “Yes ma’am.”

Barnes ran to the inn, and inside found five more survivors all huddling together behind the bar. “Time to move. Run to the church as fast as you can. Move now.”

Fluttershy and the woman she was clinging to this entire time finally released each other and ran out the door with the others. Outside, the Hell Horse was up again and was bucking the side of the jeep in order to knock it off of its master. Barnes gave it another round to the head, causing the fell steed to crumple to the ground.

Fluttershy clenched her eyes shut and repeated, “Oh my goodness!” as she ran full speed to the churchyard.

Dimitri was waiting by the door to the building and motioned for the fleeing survivors to hurry up. One by one they all entered through the church doors, with Barnes bringing up the rear. The wayward pegasi, lead by an orange one, descended from the sky to the church door and landed inside, many of them exhaling in relief. Together, Barnes and Dimitri slammed the door shut and took positions at the windows that faced out into the street.

There were eleven survivors, not counting Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. Nine were ponies: four mares, two fillies, and three colts. The last two were a woman with blue hair that was busy giving the orange pegasus a hug, and an older man with an old flight jacket. All of them stood huddled together in the center of the room, some nuzzling closer together than others.

“So much fer a hundred percent safe,” said the old man. His comment gained him a roomful of disgusted looks.

The blue haired woman gave him a dryer look than the others, “Maybe you should ask tall dark and headless out there for a refund.”

A blue and yellow colored mare, who was nuzzling close to a purple and gold filly, stomped her hoof and looked at them both with large tear filled eyes. “Ponies and humans are dead out there and you’re making jokes?! I heard humans were monsters but I never believed tha-” A loud crash came from outside, as the Hell Horse took up removing the jeep from atop its master again.

Dash hovered behind Barnes, “So it can’t get us in here, right?”

Barnes remained silent and continued looking intently outside.

“Right?” repeated Dash, looking a bit worried.

The jeep finally gave way and was bucked off of the Horseman’s back. He stood up, and seeing no living victims within reach, he took a sack off of his horse and walked into the carnage of his previous rampage.

Pinkie trotted next to Dimitri and squeezed her head next to his. “What’s it doing now? Is it leaving?”

Dimtri gently pushed her away from his face and then turned to face her. His voice was shaky as he spoke, “He is collecting the heads.”

One by one, the Horseman went to each of the corpses that littered the streets and placed the victim’s severed head into his sack, regardless of whether it was pony or human. After removing the heads from those that were trampled, or hit by the tour bus, the Horseman mounted his ghostly steed. The Hell Horse reared up and released a painfully loud whinny, then galloped off down the road leaving the survivors with the last echoes of the Horseman’s vile laughter.

***

“So he’s coming here now?” asked Rarity, who was finding it difficult to get comfortable. Tree branches made awful seats.

“Yep,” replied Applejack.

Rarity kept fidgeting, “So why are we still here? Shouldn’t we leave?”

Megan gave Rarity a look, “We need to stay to see if the traps work and alert Hawk if they don’t. As for you safety,” Megan looked down at the ground from her perch in the tree, noting it was a good fifty feet down, “We should be far enough away from the road so he won’t care about us, and if not...well let’s just hope he can’t climb trees.” Megan gave a smile to the unicorn, who merely looked more uneasy.

“An’ stop moving around like that Rarity,” added Applejack, “You’re likely to fall if’n you keep up with all that shiftin’ around and what not.”

Rarity gave a dainty little sigh, finally finding a nice little nook for her rump to sit in. “Oh that’s easy for you to say AJ, you and Megan live life like rough and tumble cowponies. You don’t even care if your tail or coats get all…” Rarity shuddered, “…sappy.”

Applejack and Megan rolled their eyes to one another. Rarity just gave a small harrumph in response. All at once the three of them began to snicker and laugh. It was short lived though, as the sound of hoof falls and strange echoing laughter came closer by the second.

There was an explosion and a whinny somewhere up the road as the laughter stopped momentarily. “Sounds like he’s hit the mines,” said Megan as she lifted a pair of binoculars to her eyes. “Ah hell, that didn’t work.”

Rarity started shaking and rubbing her neck with one of her hooves. Applejack just looked a bit more worried than previously.

Another explosion sounded out, this one quieter than the previous one, but undeniably closer. “So much for the salt traps,” said Megan, her face growing serious, “Get ready you two. Here he comes.” Applejack and Rarity reflexively hugged each other.

The Horseman rode by quickly on his Hell Horse, a large and bulky sack raised above its nonexistent head. Even from their vantage point the trio could see the burning eyes of the Horseman’s steed and shudder as the temperature suddenly grew extremely cold. Within moments the ghostly horror was gone, but the echoes of vile laughter and chilled air remained.

“N-n-now what?” asked Applejack.

“Well,” replied Megan, who was shaking like a leaf as she reached for her walkie-talkie, “Let’s start by getting out of this tree.”

“Agreed,” said Rarity rather quickly, and after a quick look towards the road she added, “If you want Miss Megan, you may go first.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, “How generous.”

***

Twilight really wished she was back in Equestria right now. In Equestria, life was simple: do good, be nice to others, don’t go into the Everfree forest, and generally things would turn out great. But no, here in the human lands, one could end up in the middle of a haunted field with a headless phantom riding a horse made from the nightmares of young fillies with only two, probably insane, humans as company.

The dark and empty field she was in could fit Ponyville inside of itself and all it had for decorations were several dead trees scattered around, mounds of dark earth, and a thin layer of fog that didn’t hide anything. It certainly completed the ambiance though. Twilight herself was quivering in terror behind a fallen log with Hawk and Zorro doing final checks on their weaponry.

“You alright Sprinkles?” asked Hawk with a tone of concern.

“No,” she replied, “No I am not, and I don’t know why you’re so calm about this!”

Hawk’s face grew stern, “Believe me, I’m terrified right now. We are about to fight something that should not exist, and we have so far been unsuccessful in even slowing it down.”

Zorro let out a heavy breath, “Very reassuring amigo. I feel much better about our chances.”

The sound of horse hooves entered the field as the Horseman made his appearance. He rode to the top of a nearby hill and dismounted, tying his horse to the crooked tree that was there.

“That must be where his grave is supposed to be,” said Zorro.

“What makes you say that?” asked Hawk.

Zorro shrugged, “It’s where he’s ended his ride?”

Hawk gave a sigh, “Sounds like good science to me.”

The Horseman took the sack he was carrying and placed it on the ground and opened it. The Horseman extracted the first head from the sack, a red colt’s head with brown mane, and placed it on his neck. Twilight covered her face with her front legs. She still had yet to get used to such gruesome scenes. The head tumbled off of the stump and landed with a thud on the ground, giving Twilight the urge to wretch. Thankfully she held it in.

“Hawk,” she whispered, hooves still obscuring her face, “what are we going to do?”

Thud.

Hawk looked at Twilight, and then to Zorro, and took a calming breath. “Okay, so if popular myth is to believed, if we dig up his bones, salt them, and then light them on fire, his spirit should be destroyed.”

Thud.

“You got that from watching TV,” said Zorro.

Hawk gave him a look, “You have any ideas?”

Thud.

Zorro looked at the Horseman, and then back to Hawk and Twilight. “Okay amigos, here’s the plan: Hawk, you and me are going to distract him while Twilight digs up the body and does all of what you just said.” Zorro pulled out a box of rock salt and handed it to Twilight, who picked it up with her mouth.

“Hmm hmmm hm hmm,” she said nodding.

Thud.

Hawk drew his revolver while Zorro drew his sword, and they both stalked away from Twilight into the night. They reminded her of wolves, but at least they were wolves on her side. The Horseman was currently placing the head of an aged man onto his neck stump, but was interrupted by a cold iron bullet entering his back. Turning around quickly, sending the severed head rolling off his shoulders in the process, the Horseman saw two new heads.

“Hola!” said Zorro confidently, taking the time to do a flourish with his sword and giving a small bow.

“Howdy,” added Hawk.

The Horseman walked to his horse and unsheathed his sword from its scabbard, and began advancing on the pair.

Twilight took this as the signal and burst from her spot behind the log and galloped at full speed towards where the Horseman used to be standing. The exact spot was easy enough to find. The small pile of severed heads made a pretty good marker.

‘Oh Celestia…’ thought Twilight as she grew closer and seeing the faces of the Horseman’s victims up close. ‘Focus Twilight, you can do this!’

Looking away from the pile of heads she focused instead on the ground beneath her hooves. Summoning the spell to move earth, her horn glowed with a brilliant purple energy. The dirt and grass shifted and parted beneath her until the headless skeleton of the Horseman was revealed. The Hell Horse gave a ear piercingly loud whinny and drew the attention of the Horseman.

He pointed his sword in Twilight’s direction, and the young unicorn felt a wave of unease wash over the hill side. Then he quickly pointed the sword at Hawk and Zorro. Much to Twilight’s surprise and unquestionable disgust, the eyes of the severed heads that were lying on the ground next to her began to glow with eerie green light. Then the heads lifted off the ground and flew towards her friends, screaming all the way with faces contorted with angry snarls.

As nine floating and screaming heads flew towards them, Hawk took aim and fired his revolver, hitting one right between its glowing green orbs. The glow faded from its eyes and it dropped to the ground, silent once more.

Zorro raised his sword and smiled, “Well at least we know we can kill these!”

“Yeah,” replied Hawk eyeing Twilight, “but it’s not them I’m worried about.”

The Horseman advanced on Twilight, who was shaking uncontrollably. Her life was flashing before her eyes and she couldn’t move. She couldn’t even scream because of the box of salt in her mouth. ‘Wait…box of salt?’ Her eyes widened at the memory of her task. Jumping into the shallow grave of the Horseman, she shook her head violently, spilling grains of salt all over the ancient bones. The Horseman quickened his pace.

Hawk was having some difficulty hitting the floating heads as they swirled around him and Zorro. He took another shot from his revolver at the head of a gray colt. He missed and the colt’s head flew at his left arm and bit down hard. Letting go a grunt of pain as blood began to flow, Hawk pressed the barrel of his revolver against the colt’s head and fired. The severed head released its bite and fell to the ground with a thud.

Zorro was doing much better in comparison. Every time a head got close he slashed at it with his sword. A pink mare’s head opened its mouth and let go a hellish scream as it flew for his throat. Zorro thrust at it and his sword pierced deep into one of its large glowing eyes. After burying deeper onto the blade, the head ceased to scream and its eyes dimmed while the face went limp. This genuinely disturbed Zorro, and he promised to make sure he would say a prayer for these victims later. Spying the head of an elderly woman going for Hawk’s throat, Zorro slung the pink mare’s head from his sword at the one going for his friend. The two heads collided, and with a loud cracking sound, they both fell to the ground.

“Zorro!” yelled Hawk over the screaming heads, taking another shot and this time dropping the head of a green and yellow unicorn.

Zorro slashed at a head going for his ankles, “Que passa?”

“I’m going to go help Twilight! Cover me!”

Zorro took the time to give Hawk a joking look, “Hoping for another kiss amigo?”

Hawk returned the look completely straight faced, “Only a little bit.” Hawk shot another head that was coming at him creating an opening, and without hesitation he charged through it towards the Headless Horseman. The ghoul loomed above Twilight with his sword raised and was poised to claim another head for his collection.

Twilight let the box fall out of her mouth as her mind raced for any spells that could help, but her thoughts had gone blank.

The Horseman gave another one of his wicked ethereal laughs and swung down at Twilight. She clamped her eyes shut, thinking of her friends and family, anticipating the feel of the blade. Mid-swing, Hawk tackled the Horseman into the shallow grave from behind, the two of them barely missing Twilight as they tumbled into the pit.

Twilight opened her eyes and looked at the grappling figures. “Hawk?!” she yelled with genuine surprise.

“Who else?!” he said while rolling onto his back and trying to keep the Horseman’s hands away from his throat. “Now light up this grave already!”

“But…”

“Just do it!”

Twilight scrambled out of the grave while making sure to avoid the Hell Horse, which was struggling to break free of its bonds so it could aid its master. “Okay! Here I go!” cried Twilight, giving Hawk at least some warning about what was to come. She concentrated, her mind filling with the image of the headless skeleton lighting on fire and burning to ashes. The more she concentrated on the image, the more her horn glowed, until an orb of fire burst forth from the tip of her horn and landed onto the Horseman’s back and set him ablaze.

Hawk placed his foot on the Horseman’s chest and kicked off, sending the now flaming phantom away from him. The streams of fire falling off the Horseman as he flew through the air ignited the ground within the grave. Hawk lept out of the pit and rolled next to Twilight.

As the bones burned, the ethereal laughter of the Horseman turned to screams. The floating heads that were assaulting Zorro fell to the ground lifeless. The fires around the Horseman began to burn blue and seemed to eat away at his form, until he was finally consumed by the fire leaving nothing left but dust. The Hell Horse shrieked out as it suffered a similar fate to its dark master, and burned away in blue fire that seemed to come from within.

Twilight and Hawk stared at where the Horseman once stood with eyes wide in disbelief. “I can’t believe that worked,” said Hawk, falling backwards onto the ground.

“Tell me about it,” said Twilight as she gave a sigh of relief and sprawled out on her back, really hoping to never fight the undead ever again. The voice in the back of her mind kept reminding her that it would be a good idea to curl up next to Hawk for warmth and comfort, but she stifled it. She was just too tired.

***

It had been a long flight back to the Bureau, and Twilight was ready to take the rest of the day off. She and her friends had just come face to…no-face with something that only existed in the nightmares and legends of humans, and all of them had survived. Pinkie and Fluttershy were both extremely distant on the helicopter ride back, which wasn’t too unusual for the yellow pegasus, but was cause for alarm if Pinkie was involved.

When Twilight tried to ask her bubbly pink friend about it, she had just given her a forced smile and said, “I’m okay Twilight, really. I just need a day or so to get over it and then I’ll be feeling Pinkie keen again. Promise.”

Twilight just sighed and hoped that was true. Her attention snapped back to reality as the helicopter landed in a vacant section of the parking lot, jostling the unicorn from her dream like state. As they disembarked from the vehicle, the front doors of the Bureau opened and Princess Celestia stood waiting for them. With a voice as sweet as spring, the divine princess greeted the returning group, “Welcome back everyone, I’m happy that you are all safe.”

Stepping out from behind the princess was an old man in a fine suit. His face was wrinkled and his age certainly showed in his steps, but his presence demanded respect nonetheless. With a slight chuckle he said, “What she said.”

Hawk and the other humans snapped a salute and replied, “SIR,” in unison.

Twilight trotted over to the Princess quickly and gave a fast bow before beaming up at her teacher. Celestia returned the smile in spades, giving her prized student a tender nuzzle. “Come on everyone,” she said, “Let’s go inside. There’s something we need to discuss.”

The humans looked at each other, obviously expecting bad news. The old man raised a hand and smiled, “Don’t worry Hawk, it’s nothing to lose your head over.”

That last line will be explained in episode 2!
Or will it!?
It all depends if we’re not all replaced by Purple Prose!
Next episode might be next week!
(Probably won’t though)