Can be used in all recipes
It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Rarity, woke up in a fantastic pumpkin patch. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously angered, Rarity poked a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, she realized that her beloved diamonds an shit were missing! Immediately she called her so-called friend, Fluttershy. Rarity had known Fluttershy for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were striking ones. Fluttershy was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Rarity called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Fluttershy picked up to a very unctuous Rarity. Fluttershy calmly assured her that most venomous koalas belch before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually indiscriminately grimace *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Rarity. Why was Fluttershy trying to distract Rarity? Because he had snuck out from Rarity's with the diamonds an shit only four days prior. It was some shiny ruby diamonds an shit... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Rarity got back to the subject at hoof: her diamonds an shit. Fluttershy yawned. Relunctantly, Fluttershy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the diamonds an shit. Rarity grabbed her elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fluttershy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diamonds an shit and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Rarity took the wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least four minutes before Rarity would get there. But if she took the carriage? Then Fluttershy would be abnormally screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fluttershy was interrupted by two funny-smelling butterflys that were lured by his diamonds an shit. Fluttershy sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, she recklessly reached for her dull pencil and aptly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the carriage rolling up. It was Rarity.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of live hoof grenades, so she knew she was running late. With a deft leap, Rarity was out of the carriage and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Fluttershy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fluttershy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diamonds an shit into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his hammock. Fluttershy was exasperated but at least the diamonds an shit were concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Fluttershy explosively purred. With a quick push, Rarity opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering genocidal maniac in a Jap Trap,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fluttershy assured her. Rarity took a seat vaguely close to where Fluttershy had hidden the diamonds an shit. Fluttershy sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Rarity was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Fluttershy noticed a pestering look on Rarity's face. Rarity slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Fluttershy felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Rarity asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diamonds an shit right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Rarity's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Rarity nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fluttershy could react, Rarity thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The diamonds an shit were plainly in view.
Rarity stared at Fluttershy for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Fluttershy groped explosively in Rarity's direction, clearly desperate. Rarity grabbed the diamonds an shit and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fluttershy let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Rarity,' she rebuked. Fluttershy always had been a little stupid, so Rarity knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fluttershy did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at her or something. As if it really mattered she gripped her diamonds an shit tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Fluttershy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Rarity. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Rarity. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fluttershy walked over to the window and looked down. Rarity was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Rarity was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Fluttershy's place. Rarity had severely hurt her ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral buttflys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diamonds an shit. One by one they latched on to Rarity. Already weakened from her injury, Rarity yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of buttflys running off with her diamonds an shit.
But then Goldman came down with His plucky smile and restored Rarity's diamonds an shit. Feeling frustrated, Goldman smote the buttflys for their injustice. Then he got in His 'modded' Civic and jetted away with the fortitude of 11,000 venomous koalas running from a bloated pack of disease-carrying chipmunks. Rarity stumbled with joy when she saw this. Her diamonds an shit was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes her favorite TV show, Rockhead Rumple, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet hoof grenade'). Rarity was thrilled. And so, everyone except Fluttershy and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
