Incident 01: Hard Collisions
Space
The Final Frontier
(Filled With Infinite Cosmic Energy)
There's an old saying that in space, no one can hear you scream.
"UN-FLIPPIN'-BELIEVABLE! SERIOUSLY, WHERE IN THE NINE GALAXIES DID THIS THING GO?"
Patricia Wagon never put much stock in it.
Nor did her robotic assistant, who by his calculations estimated that her outburst had just been heard on at least three nearby planets. Being her personal interplanetary transport as well, he caught the brunt of it from the inside. His hearing went to white noise for no less than ten seconds.
It was a living.
"I knew this would happen, you know. The second the P.L.P.D. said the R.S.T.S. wasn't made with small people in mind," said Patricia. "And then refused to modify the P.O.S.," she added under her breath.
"And the second they left it up to you to 'investigate alternate methods' of transporting trapped infants to safety?"
"Yeah, exac-" Patricia stopped. "I mean, no! Look, just whose side are you on here anyway?"
Corporal Gendarmor sighed. "Yours, naturally." He rolled his eye. As said eye was located on the outside of his chassis, Patricia never noticed. "Still, the method you came up with... surely you had to know HQ would perhaps find it a bit... unorthodox?"
"Pah. They should have seen this coming! Or built more HQs next to the hot zones! Or... wait a minute, is that... yeah! There! There it is!"
With several shakes, she pointed to a wide-mouthed baby sitting in a clear, spherical pod which floated in a singular direction in the void of space.
"Wonderful," said Gendarmor. "We've postponed our firing for another week at least."
"Don't get snippy on me so close to a closed case," said Patricia. "Just be glad I found it. Let's get in closer and pick it up." She stared at the baby as Gendarmor increased speed, narrowing the distance. "Honestly, why is it still crying?" Patricia took off her helmet and blew a few locks of hair away from her face. "With a face that ugly, I oughtta be the one-" Her helmet was quickly replaced when she saw the baby accelerating away from them. "Whoa, hey! Hey, G, what's happening?"
Gendarmor ignored the nickname change. It happened often. "It appears to have been caught by the gravity of that planet up ahead."
"What?" Patricia's hands and nose slammed against the windshield as she leapt up in her cockpit. "Ugly Secret Babies can survive tons of stuff but I'm not sure if reentry counts! Go after it, G! Triple time!"
With a flash of light and a fusion burst heard absolutely nowhere (because Space(tm)), Gendarmor activated his personal rockets, hurtling towards the baby's pod. Unfortunately, as they entered the planet's atmosphere, turbulence took over, veering both parties wildly off of their original courses.
"We're losing it! Darn it, Gen, we're losing it! Why aren't you making sure we're not-"
"I can either divert power to directional stabilizers or keep us from burning to a crisp, Patricia. Your choice."
Patricia shut up. Seeing Gendarmor's patience wearing thin was a rare sight -- one which she liked to keep as rare as possible. She'd been on the business end of his missile showers once before. It'd taken a week to buff the aftermath out of her legs.
"We can track it, right?"
"Naturally."
"Cool. Then just land us soft."
Gendarmor paused. "That might be more of a problem."
"What? Why?"
"Used most of my juice on the afterburners. Which when combined with this gravitational field... well, brace for you-know-what."
Patricia paused in kind. "This is my fault, isn't it?"
"Do I ever blame you?"
Re-entry had ceased, and they were now in a blue sky, with no noticeable loss of falling speed.
"Not really. Always wondered why that was, honestly."
The planet's terrain rushed up to meet them. Gendarmor's voice was resigned.
"Because for your orders to land us in trouble, I still have to follow them."
Patricia and Gendarmor both braced for impact. Three seconds later, it came with a crash which overloaded all of their sensory circuits. The world went black, then white, then brown, then swirly for a bit, while noisy the whole time.
Then, at last, darkness.
Equestria
Changeling Castle
(Princess Cadance's Ex-Summer Home)
"Over the lips, past the gums...."
Queen Chrysalis struggled to remember the rest of the phrase.
"...oh, to Tartarus with it. Bottoms up."
She levitated a bottle over her mouth, taking a sample of the liquid inside. Seconds later, the bottle was smashed against the wall of her throne room. It predictably shattered into an uncountable number of pieces.
"Ugh. Tasteless! Flavorless! 'Love Drink', my crooked horn! Honestly, they think that just because they put a couple of hearts on the label, that makes their sleazy advertising campaign okay!" She looked at the case of duplicate bottles which lay to the side of her throne. "This imported stuff was supposed to be the highlight of my night, and now I'm stuck with a whole crate! I ought to fly over to Clopstralia right now and give 'em a piece of my-"
Chrysalis stopped, her anger leaving her in the blink of an eye, replaced with a far more somber emotion. She slumped to the floor with a sniffle.
"Moons alive. In my own name, I'm bored out of my wits."
Once the self-pity had finished flowing through her, she rose to her hooves. "This is not going to stand. Maybe I should disguise myself as a unicorn, set myself up in a posh Manehattan hotel and see how much I can squeeze out of the the night life. It's got to be better than here. Nothing interesting ever happens here!"
A crash sounded just then, the shockwaves from which rattled the castle windows.
Chrysalis stayed quiet until the din subsided, then spoke again.
"Nothing that would allow me to become the all-powerful ruler of Equestria in the blink of an eye ever happens here!"
Silence.
Chrysalis sighed. "Was worth a shot." She raised her voice for her next words. "Pratchett! Sounder! Get in here!"
Twin changelings -- a male and female -- rushed in upon hearing their summons. "You rang, your Queen-ness?"
"Indeed. I'm sure you two heard the loud noise. Let's get over there."
Sounder saluted. "Toot sweet, your highness!"
"Sis," Pratchett said, "I keep telling you. It's 'tout suite'. Foreign expression and such."
"Huh?" Sounder blinked in confusion. "But that is what I said."
Pratchett groaned.
The two transformed into two large, burly ponies not unlike those Princess Celestia used in her entourage. A chariot was fetched, their Queen was hoisted upon it, and off they went, past bunnies, past badlands, past kitties, past meadows, past even more bunnies, then back to badlands, until they finally happened upon a smoking crater.
The three approached the crater slowly, stopping when they saw a clear glass pod. The changeling queen "hmm"ed.
"Your Highness?" said Sounder. "Any clue what that is?"
Chrysalis paced in a circle around the pod and the baby inside. "Not long ago, some of our spies in the Crystal Empire reported hearing talk of a magical mirror that led to another dimension. A dimension filled with strange creatures looking not entirely unlike... whatever this is here." She stopped pacing. "Huh. I thought they were pulling my leg when they told me. I banished them to the lava pits as punishment. Well, live and learn. Remind me to have them retrieved. If they're still alive, that is."
Pratchett shuddered. "Do they have any magic powers?"
Chrysalis approached the pod, putting her face up to it. "No, from what I hear, their world doesn't really believe in magic. Their powers lie in other places, however." She looked at the baby, who was smiling. "What are you doing? Stop that. You're about as ugly as I am, we ought to be fleeing in terror at the mere sight of each oth-"
The baby continued to smile, and put its hands on the pod's glass. Chrysalis reared back and stepped away. "Gyaaah! One of you, get this thing open without me having to touch it!"
"There's a button on the side," said Sounder, rushing over and pushing it. The pod snapped open, and like a rocket, the baby was out and climbing up Chrysalis's leg.
Chrysalis squealed, shaking her leg with all the force she could muster. "Help! It's latched itself onto me like some sort of tick! It won't let go! It's..."
"It's smiling and laughing," said Pratchett.
"Still?" Chrysalis turned her head around. Sure enough, the baby was now hanging on to Chrysalis's neck, and cooing its little heart out.
"Huh. It's... not afraid of me. By all rights, it should be, but-"
"Mama," the baby said just then.
Chrysalis froze. "W-wait, what did you just call-"
A blinding pink light radiated from Chrysalis, spreading outward. When it was over and the three changelings could see again, the situation was far clearer.
"I think I get it," whispered Sounder, looking at the baby who was now on the ground, playing with a few scattered kittybunnies.
Chrysalis hovered above them. "Indeed. Not in centuries have I felt so... nourished. It's as if I-"
"Whoa," the two changelings said in unison as they gazed at their queen.
"Huh? What do you mean, 'whoa'?"
Chrysalis looked at her sidekicks. Their legs and wings were no longer full of holes. She then looked at herself.
"Mirror. Now," she whispered.
Sounder raised a hoof. "Ummmm..."
"MIRROR!" Chrysalis bellowed.
A full-length boutique mirror was quickly fetched. Chrysalis took a look at the reflection before her. As she digested what she saw, a single tear slid down her right cheek.
Then came the laugh.
Of all the times her changelings had ever heard her laugh, only the older ones of the hive could remember the last time one had lasted so long or been so jubilant. It was loud, screeching and confident, echoing through every single hall and able to be heard for nearly a mile outward. Several of the region's ever-present cutie-creatures scattered, their primal survival instincts at last overcoming their all-loving nature.
When the laugh was over, Chrysalis turned to her two lieutenants. "Pratchett. Sounder. I want you two to take a little trip for me."
"Where to, my Queen?" asked Pratchett.
"Ponyville."
Newly restored fur, smooth and polished around her muzzle, crinkled as Chrysalis formed a toothy grin.
"It's time for a rematch."
"Mighty Rescue Mares!"
A Mighty Switch Force! x My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fanfiction
Incident 01: Hard Collisions
by Bookish Delight, 2012-2013
All characters and referred properties belong to Hasbro and WayForward Technologies.
Equestria
Ponyville
(Because This Is Where Everything Happens, Just Go With It)
"All right, Pinkie Pie," said Rainbow Dash, holding one side of a large cylinder in her hooves. "Now you've got a clearer view of the clock tower than either me or Fluttershy. So your job is to let us know when we've got the new clock face positioned just right. Once we do, we'll slide it in the hole and that's that!"
"Sure thing, Dashie!" Pinkie waved from inside the tower. "You can count on me!"
"Rainbow, are you sure this is the best of ideas?" said Fluttershy, who was holding the other side of the clock face. "I mean, we've seen her try this before, and-"
"No, but I'd rather her be doing the heavy looking than the heavy lifting, if you get my drift," Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh." Fluttershy blinked. "I guess that does make some sense." The two flew closer to the tower, awaiting their friend's directions. Soon enough, Pinkie was happy to oblige.
"Okay! Now just a little to the left. Okay, now to the right. Now rotate it kind of... " Pinkie made motions with her forelegs "...kind of that way... no, the other that way! No no, you gotta swirl it! Swirl it like a big Neapolitan soft-serve with extra strawberry fudge-"
"Um, Rainbow?" said Fluttershy. "This is starting to make less sense."
Rainbow Dash sighed. "Just pretend you can understand what she's saying. It's what I do. Anyway we're almost there." Rainbow Dash directed the clock face the rest of the way. "All right, we've just about got it! Pinkie, back up! We're about to slide this sucker in-"
Fluttershy pointed up in the sky with a hoof. "Rainbow Dash? What's that?"
Rainbow looked. A large object was coming right at them. Before she could answer, or even elicit a "whoa, killer" at its traveling speed, it crashed through the top of the clock tower. It was all Rainbow could do to give Fluttershy a hard push in one direction, then fly away in the other.
When Rainbow's adrenaline died down, she realized that her actions only accounted for two of them. "Pinkie!" she and Fluttershy cried, flying to the site of the crash.
By the time the two pegasi arrived, a small crowd had gathered around the impact site, which contained a whole lot of rubble, a demolished clock face, two unidentifiable husks of metal, and one bruised and unconscious Pinkie Pie.
"Oh my gosh," said Rainbow, flying over the crowd to reach her friend. "It all happened so fast, even I couldn't get to you in time! Pinkie! Are you alright?"
No answer.
Rainbow Dash's voice became increasingly panicked. "Fluttershy, hang on. Watch Pinkie, okay?"
"Where are you going?"
"Quick stop at Sugarcube Corn-" Rainbow was too far away for Fluttershy to hear the rest.
In less than a minute Rainbow Dash returned with a large cookie, which she placed under Pinkie's snout and waved back and forth. Soon enough, the pink pony stirred.
"Mmmm... tender batter.... mint chocolate chip..." Pinkie sat back up with a start. "Whoa! That was intense!" She then looked at Rainbow Dash and wrapped her forelegs around her in a hug. "Oh, Dashie, you remembered what I told you about smelling sugars! That's so sweet in, like, multiple ways!" She giggled.
"Uhhh... yeah." Rainbow Dash allowed herself a quick second to hug Pinkie back. "Look, don't go scaring me like that again, 'kay?"
"Okay!" Pinkie bounced to up to all fours. "So, uh, just what hit me exactly?"
"See for yourself," said Fluttershy, leading Pinkie to the crashed metallic objects which had fallen from the sky. Pinkie followed, and when she got in front of the slender two-legged girl and the large robot facing the sky with their eyes closed, she froze stock still.
"Oh. My. Gosh." Pinkie's mouth and eyes became gradually wider as she spoke. "Do any of you know what this means?"
"Um... n-no," Fluttershy said.
Pinkie leapt to her hind legs, raising her front ones to the sky in squealing triumph. "I means I did it! I've finally unraveled the secrets of time travel! I knew if I hung around this clock tower long enough, it could be done!"
"On what basis, exactly?" said Twilight Sparkle, coming up towards her with Applejack, Rarity and Mayor Mare in tow.
Pinkie, however, neglected to answer Twilight's question. "And just as I thought! Machinery has come such a long way! Oh my gosh, Twilight, look! They have eyes! I think they might be people! Well, one of them, anyway." She moved closer to Patricia and saluted. "This is Pinkamena Pie, intrepid chrono-knot, now establishing first contact!"
Applejack gave Twilight a pleading look. Twilight simply shrugged.
And so it came to pass that the first thing Patricia Wagon saw upon waking up from the crash was a pink... blob of something or other standing over her, waving its... arms?... around in a silly manner.
"Helllllll-loooo!" said the pink thing. "My name is Ping Kee Pie! Well-come to Equestria! Can you understaaaaaaand meeee?"
Patricia actually didn't until her internal translation algorithms kicked back in, but she wasn't about to reply with that. Instead she propped herself on her elbows and answered with, "I can hear you just fine."
"Thaaaaat's greeeeat!" said Pinkie. "Arrrre you from another planeeeeet, or a natural part of this tiiiiime periooood?"
Patricia nearly choked. "I... I said I can understand you. That means you don't have to keep talking like that."
"Liiiiiike whaaaaaat?"
Patricia flopped back on the ground and shut her eyes.
Just my luck, she thought. I've crash-landed on the planet of the Aliens Who Are Slow On Uptakes. Well, I've still got a mission to do while I'm here. I guess I'd better reactivate the Corporal and get to it.
Patricia reopened her eyes. When she did so, her field of vision revealed more colorful things standing over her. "Okay. I'm willing to try this again. Just please tell me not all of you on this planet act like that," she said, pointing to the pink one.
Ping Kee laughed. "Oh, no. I'm one of a kind."
"Thankfully," said a purple one this time, who had a beige one standing next to her. "Hi. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this Mayor Mare. She's the... uh, mayor of this town."
Patricia nodded. "Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. And you said 'Mayor Mare.' Should I take that to mean that she's a... well, mare?" She looked Mayor and Twilight over. "Hmm. Four legs, similar body structure... the talking thing's new, though."
Mayor Mare nodded. "Yes, we are indeed all ponies." She chuckled. "In fact, you're actually in Ponyville, our hometown. Might I ask where you hail from?"
Patricia pointed up. Straight up.
It took Twilight a few seconds to get Patricia's meaning, but once she did, her face lit up. "So you are from another world, then? From out in space?"
"Or the future," Pinkie offered in a harsh whisper.
"Not now, Pinkie." Twilight walked over to Gendarmor, who was still deactivated. "Is this your transport?"
"He's more like my partner. But yeah, he helps me get around." With Applejack lending a helping hoof, Patricia slowly got up on her two feet, finding that she was a head taller than the populace at most. She wasn't sure what that suggested.
"Wow," said Twilight. "Actual contact with an otherworldly species."
"Returned," said Patricia. "I guess this is now just as much of a diplomatic visit as a rescue. You guys just saw aliens crash-land in your backyard, and from my point of view, I've definitely landed on an alien planet."
"Actually, we've landed in Equestria," said a voice behind Patricia.
Patricia jumped where she was. "Whoa! Gendo! What have I told you about doing that?"
"Never to activate behind your back without warning you first, yes, I know. And I've told you, the second I figure out how to make that possible, I will."
"Well, somebot clearly needs to think faster," Patricia grumbled.
"As I was saying," said Gendarmor, "Equestria's actually on our galactic maps."
"Seriously? How'd it get there?" Patricia asked.
Gendarmor's eye lidded. "Explorer Luna's logs."
Patricia froze. "That's... that's not good."
Gendarmor shook his head. "No, it's not."
"I'm sorry," said Applejack, "but did ya'll just say Luna?"
"A different one from your Princess," said Gendarmor. "Yours was mentioned in the logs, too."
"But the Luna we're talking about is someone we know," Patricia said. "And kind of wish we didn't."
"We never quite got the name of the full planet," said Gendarmor, "but from what we understand, the main 'Equestria' territory expands far enough across it that we just sort of left things as is."
"It's probably just as well," Twilight said with a sheepish grin. "Most of us don't venture too far outside of its borders. If you ever want more information, there's tons of books you can read on our planet's history. But that's later. I'm sure you came here with a purpose. Maybe we can help. For that matter... what are your names?"
Gendarmor turned to Patricia. "You mean, you didn't introduce us. This whole time. First contact and everything."
Patricia flushed with a sheepish laugh. "I... uh... it never came up?"
Gendarmor pointed to the ponies. "They certainly showed you the courtesy."
Patricia gaped. "You were listening?"
"I'm always listening." Gendarmor turned back around. "Miss Sparkle, Miss Mare, I am genuinely sorry for our lack of manners. That said, I agree that formal introductions are in order. What say you?"
"Uh, yeah. What he said," Patricia said, before adding, "Showoff," under her breath.
"Awwww!" Pinkie wailed. So you mean we're still in the present? Time travel didn't happen?"
Applejack barely managed to not roll her eyes into the back of her her head. "'Fraid so, sugarcube. Just as well. I like me some present day."
Pinkie gave a huge sigh. "Too bad! I was going to thank you girls for traveling with me. 'Cause then that would have meant that I wouldn't have to die alone in this unfamiliar future!"
"Pinkie," said Rainbow Dash, "AJ just said we're not-"
An orange hoof momentarily touched her muzzle. Rainbow stopped talking, and looked over to Applejack, who was busy wrapping her hoof in pink gauze.
"And I didn't even have to go there the slow way like, say Princess Celestia would have had to!" Pinkie was still babbling. "'Cause we all know she's immortal, right? Gosh, it just hit me -- it has to be a huge drag seeing ponies die all around her while she-glmmmph!"
Without even looking at what she was doing, Applejack kept her hoof in Pinkie's mouth until she finally stopped talking. Pinkie's tongue slowly snaked out, lapping at the gauze, and her eyebrows raised in happiness. Applejack let her lick for a full thirty seconds before removing her hoof, then shook off the drool-covered gauze with a disgusted look.
"S-... strawberry?" Without hesitation, Pinkie leaped and hugged Applejack. "You've been flavoring them! Thanks!"
"You do this for long enough, you start feelin' guilty," said Applejack. "Let's go join the others, whaddaya say?"
Pinkie nodded with a huge smile. "Sure!"
Three ponies trotted, flew and hopped towards the Golden Oaks Library, unaware of the two dark figures which watched them from a nearby cave.
Incident 02: Whoa, I'm In Equestria
"I'm a peacekeeping officer from Planet Land. Full Designate: Police Android Tailored for Rescue, Infiltration and Capture of Interplanetary Antagonists With Adaptable Gear and Organic Nanotech."
Minutes later Patricia found herself in the library house of the one called "Twilight Sparkle." There were books, books, and more books, yet not a single item that looked to be compatible with her power systems. Under normal workload she'd be able to run for days without recharging, but there was no telling what this mission on this unfamiliar world would involve just yet.
She pushed her worries out of her mind as a white unicorn raised her hoof, her mouth agape. "Uh, no offense, darling, but can we just call you Patty?"
Patricia smiled. "'Rarity,' yes? Please do," she said, gesturing to her robot partner. "Only Gendo here calls me Patricia. Also, the narrator."
"The what now?" Applejack asked.
"We're set in our ways," said Gendarmor. Offscreen, the narrator agreed. "Patricia" was the name given in her game's promotional materials, after all.
"No, seriously." Applejack scratched her head. "We really ain't gettin' it."
Patricia pressed a button on her arm, and a holographic image projected from the palm of her hands. A gaggle of ponies with looks of amazement on their faces crowded around it. The image meanwhile showed multiple human girls running around, from street to street, in a city in flames.
"You're looking at a bird's eye view of part my home world. Tangent City, to be exact. Fires have been breaking out everywhere due to an industrial accident. We suspect foul play and we're keeping our eyes out for all possible suspects -- but currently it's been all we can do just to contain the blazes, and save the people trapped by them. Some of them are no older than children. And one of those, uh... got away from us. Off-world, even."
"Feel like telling them how?" asked Gendarmor.
"Absolutely not," muttered Patricia. "Anyway, we were chasing the kid when she veered off onto a different orbital path from us. There's a homing beacon on her pod which also scans vitals, and it's letting us know she's safe and sound, which is good. She landed somewhere on your planet. Meanwhile, Genny and I ended up here, and you know the rest. Uh... sorry about your clock tower, by the way. And, uh, and for crashing into Pinkie Pie."
"It's okay," said Rainbow Dash. "That thing's seen more punishment than you know."
"Yup!" Pinkie Pie bounced. "And then there's the clock tower!"
Patricia's mind boggled. "I'll, uh, take your word for it. Anyway, this is where we've detected the baby's pod to have landed." A map of Equestria's land mass appeared on screen, with a blue pulsing red dot and a red one overlaid atop it. "The blue dot's us. And the red one... aha! Any clue where that is, girls?"
Pinkie Pie pointed. "Isn't that close to...?"
Applejack nodded. "Yeah, sure is. Uh, Patty, hate to say, but y'all might wanna be re-evaluatin' that whole 'safe and sound' thing."
"Wuh-oh." Patricia shivered. "Something up with that place?"
"That's changeling grounds," said Rarity. "Someplace none of us are fans of going to unless we absolutely must. And even then."
"Genny, anything in Equestria's files on changelings?" asked Patricia.
Gendarmor's eye flashed. "Apologies, Patricia. I'm turning up nothing in the P.L.P.D.'s banks."
"Not surprised," said Twilight. "Changelings are a twisted race of shapeshifters who are pretty good at keeping themselves hidden. They can take on the appearance of almost anypony they want. Their leader, Queen Chrysalis, has made moves against Equestria twice now. But we beat her back."
"Y'mean you beat her back, Twi," said Applejack.
"What? No way! I had the help of friends and family!"
"Maybe the first time," said Rainbow Dash, "but I was there both times! That second fight you two had was awesome!"
"So yeah, given our track record, we're not worried," said Pinkie Pie. "Why, I'm sure a walk in changeling territory by now would be easy as me!"
"Oh? You really think so?"
Ponies and robots turned towards the new voice to see a crystal ball sitting on a pillow, being carried through the library's entrance by two changelings. Within the crystal ball itself, Queen Chrysalis's contemptuous glare could be seen.
"Speak of the she-devil," said Applejack.
"Greetings, ponies. I couldn't help overhearing your little pieces of slander against me. Fortunately it looks like you're going to have a chance to prove your boasts, because I have your precious... gah! H-hey, g-get off of me!"
All present in the library squinted their eyebrows as they made sure that they were in fact witnessing a tiny infant crawling all over the Queen's face. The baby cooed obliviously without a care in the world.
"Argh! I swear," growled Chrysalis, "sometimes you're more trouble than you're w-... seriously, move it-"
Static replaced the image on the ball, then after a few more seconds, a written message. Rainbow leaned forward to read it. "'We Are Experiencing Magical Difficulties,' Please Stand By.'" She looked at the two changelings. "Uh, yeah. Way to entrance, guys."
Pratchett sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's been like this all day."
"We actually took this Ponyville assignment to get away from the thing," said Sounder. "Seriously, it's annoying. Little cute, I guess. But annoying."
The picture of Chrysalis in the ball returned, and the queen cleared her throat. "Ahh, yes. There. Ahem. As I was saying. If you think I'm such a pushover, Twilight-"
"That wasn't me!" Twilight yelled in exasperation. "I didn't say anything about-"
"-then how about it? No grand schemes this time, no beating around the bush." The picture zoomed in close to her muzzle. "Come at me."
"That does it." Patricia stepped directly in front of the ball, hands on hips. "Yeah, 'Chrysalis,' is it? Hi, nice to meet you. Actually, I'm the one assigned to retrieve that ugly little bundle of joy you've got there. So if you could, like, just handle her with care, and not hurt her, that'd be awesome, thanks."
"Hurt her?" Chrysalis laughed. "Oh, I wouldn't dream of such a thing. This 'ugly little bundle of joy,' as you call it, is my ticket to ruling Equestria! Though I was wondering when someone would come to claim her. You are the mother, then?"
Patricia just barely avoided choking. "W-well, no, but-"
"Good," said Chrysalis with a toothy grin. "Then you clearly have no problem with me caring for her."
"Are you kidding?" Patricia stamped one foot. "Of course I do!"
"Oh, please." A voice from the back of the room spoke up at last. Fluttershy took a slow march towards the crystal ball, wearing a scowl that refused to leave. "You come in here, and you run your muzzle about how you hold a candle to any of us, and act like you have the capacity to 'care' about something, about anything, when all you ever do is try and trample everypony who isn't you underhoof?"
"Uh, Fluttershy... dear..." Rarity whispered, willing a fan into existence and using it on her friend.
But Fluttershy would not be stopped. "You don't know what it means to care for others! And there's no way you'll beat Twilight now that she's a princess! So why don't you just know your place, quit your yapping, give up now, and save us all some time?"
The entire room stood in stunned silence.
"Whoa! Fluttershy!" Rainbow finally said after a half-minute. "Never change. Except when you do. That was awesome!"
"No, that was dangerous," whispered Applejack from the side.
"Pratchett! Sounder!" Chrysalis could be seen shaking where she stood. "Bring the ball closer."
The two changelings walked towards Fluttershy.
"Closer. I want to make sure this gets into little Fluttershy's head crystal clear."
The changelings followed orders. Meanwhile, Fluttershy had snapped out of her trance of bravery and cowered before them. Chrysalis paid this no mind as she bored her gaze into Fluttershy's eyes.
"You. Don't. Know. Me."
Fluttershy squeaked and ran behind Rainbow Dash, who simply sighed.
She then turned her head to Twilight. "And ahh, yes, 'Princess Twilight.' I heard of your coronation. You're just like the other three, now, I suppose -- except it doesn't look like much has changed from where I'm standing. Still a bookworm who isn't ruling anything. Having a good time playing royalty?"
Twilight scowled for a split second before forcing a poker face. "Chrysalis, we want the child. That's all."
"Then I'm afraid you'll just have to come and get her. I haven't gone anywhere -- and with this source of limitless unconditional love at my disposal, I won't need to for a while. Please, at your leisure."
"Consider us there, then," Twilight replied.
"Good! See you when you get here. Oh, and just so you know, this crystal ball will self-destruct in thirty seconds, with a magical burst powerful enough to take out a building! Oooh, I hope we're in your library, Twilight!" Chrysalis clapped her hooves together. "Please say we are!"
"We are," said Pratchett. "Wait! We're still here!"
"You're still... you idiots!" said Chrysalis. "You were supposed to carry the ball in and then get the Tartarus out of there. That was the plan. Do you not ever listen to my plans when they're explained?"
"We did listen!" Sounder said. "We just... we made other plans to get the ball here and it pushed the first plan out of our minds!"
"And you kept having us move it around anyway!" said Pratchett. "Just save us, pleeeease!"
Chrysalis buried her head in her hooves. "Why must I do everything myself?"
Pratchett and Sounder poofed away. The ball dropped to the ground. Instantly Twilight tried to levitate it, and ended up grunting and straining for her troubles. "It's... it's got something on it that's warding my magic!" she said, then pulling at the ball. "And it's too heavy!"
"One side, then," said Gendarmor, rushing to the ball and scooping it up with ease. "Fifteen seconds, Patricia."
"Got it!"
The two robots ran out the door found an open clearing, whereupon Gendarmor hurled the ball high into the sky.
"Aaaaaaaaaand... fire!" Patricia yelled, taking out her pistol and joining Gendarmor in pelting it with lasers and missiles. The explosion lit up Ponyville like a lightning storm temporarily, with nearly as much thunder in accompaniment.
Applejack sighed. "Well, I'd say that solves the mystery of exactly where the baby ended up."
"Mighty Rescue Mares!"
A Mighty Switch Force! x My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fanfiction
Incident 02: Whoa, I'm In Equestria
by Bookish Delight, 2012-2013
All characters and referred properties belong to Hasbro and WayForward Technologies.
Dear Princess Twilight,
I am writing to you on behalf of my sister, who is currently taking her yearly Solar Sabbatical and will be unavailable for the next three weeks. Prior to her departure, she arranged for all of Spike's deliveries to be forwarded to me.
(I can only imagine she had the best of reasons for not notifying me of this beforehoof. I was actually in the shower when your letter arrived. Your dragon's flames are quite... resilient.)
In any case, I thank you for informing me of the situation. After holding a magiconference call with Princess Cadance, the two of us have decided to leave this to your own devices. Feel free to consider this a test of how well you handle your... promotion. I have full faith in your abilities, as do my sister and your sister-in-law.
Welcome to the club.
Sincerely yours,
Princess Luna
Twilight rolled her eyes and plopped the letter down on the table in front of her. "'Faith?' Sheesh, more like a hazing," she said with a sigh. "Thanks, Spike."
"Sure," said the little dragon next to her. "So... no learning about friendship for three weeks?"
"Right now I'm not sure I could if I wanted to."
Twilight turned to her five friends, Patricia and Gendarmor, who had all reconvened in the library after some hours. In that time, Patricia had learned that hay was not a good idea when trying to recharge one's batteries, even if her systems were set up to process a small amount of energy from organic material. Grass hadn't gone much better. Eventually she'd settled on oatmeal. If only that had been offered first. She'd only minutes ago managed to stop feeling splinters everywhere.
"Well, it's officially up to us," said Twilight. "Last time we did this, it was a days-long trip through perilous forests."
"I keep telling you, Genma and I are perfectly fine doing this ourselves," said Patricia. "We've got jet boosters and everything."
"Sorry, but no can do, Officer. This involves Equestrian matters as well. Now, Pinkie, are you absolutely sure you can do that thing you keep saying you can do?"
"You mean the thing I keep saying I can do but you don't ever really believe me when I say I can do it?"
Twilight nodded with a cocksure grin. "Yep. That one."
Pinkie beamed back. "Uh-huh!"
"Good! Tomorrow, Patty and I will meet you here... and then, it's on."
Using her internal aural profiles, Patricia analyzed the tone of Twilight's voice, and came back with telltale values. She kept silent, but she cast a glance out of the corner of her eye and saw her pony friends with concerned looks on her faces. Perhaps they'd processed things too with their... uh... magic and whatnot. Patricia decided to refocus on the matter at hand.
"Fine. But this is a search and rescue mission first and foremost, and one that should involve as little of the native populace as possible. Besides, if it weren't for me, this... well, none of this would have happened. Anyway, I've linked Genma's optics to mine. When I activate that link, everything I see, he'll be able to see, and also project to the rest of you. It's not a crystal ball or anything, but it works well enough for us."
"Perfect. That will let us know if we need backup," said Twilight. "Guess there's just two things left to do tonight, then."
"What're those?" asked Patricia.
"First, I eat some gourmet hay. And then..." she said, staring straight at Patricia, "...then I get to work."
Ponyville
Golden Oaks Library, Rear Entrance
(Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Approach Within 100 Feet)
Planet Land had been beautiful once.
Well, it was still sort of beautiful now, in its own way. The endless buildings, clean and shiny. The monorails which reflected the sunlight. Metal and chrome, colorful and gleaming.
But she'd seen the history vids. If there was one thing Patricia wished she could have been around for... it was trees. Trees like the ones Equestria had in spades.
Because, among other things, they made excellent practice platforms.
She leapt from branch from branch, from tree to tree. Devoid of her Siren Helmet, her brown hair whipped in the breeze as she moved. Her heads-up display brought up bullseye targets which didn't truly exist, but that she could still see.
Search and Rescue, Patty. It's a search and rescue.
She shot at them with her pistol on non-discharging practice mode; one by one, they hit and blinked out of her own personal existence. Twenty targets later, the simulation was over.
Nothing wrong with being prepared for everything, though.
Her score read 73.
She lolled her head back. That was seven points less than last time. Either her systems were already showing signs of stress...
...or maybe I really am just getting worse at this. Gosh, I hope not.
She jumped down from a tree and leant against its trunk, catching her breath. Just as she fully recovered, she saw two ground-level doors open, and Twilight step up from the staircase below.
"Oh, hey, there you are," said Patricia, smiling at Twilight. "For a while there I almost thought you'd run down completely. Not that I would have blamed you." She cast a glance at the doors. "Where does that go, anyway?"
"Basement workshop," answered Twilight. "I have it around for when I do really intense magic experiments and either don't want anypony to know..."
"...or don't want the town blowing up?"
Twilight winced. "Yeah. Been there?"
"Only on the receiving end. The scientist girl who designed me... really ambitious. Prone to cackle at times."
Twilight fought a blush. "I've been there too." A beat. "I was going to ask if you had a family, actually. Your inventor, huh?"
"Actually I don't see her that much. I never thought about the whole "family" thing. I mean, there's me, Gen... and, uh... well, five 'sisters' who are a total handful."
Twilight's eyes widened. "You have sisters? Were they all built too?"
It was now Patricia's turn to cringe. "Uh, no, all human. Adopted sisters, you could say. They used to be criminals, 'till I brought them in and helped turn 'em. Now they're just crazy. Honestly, your Pinkie Pie's pretty much all of them rolled up into one pony." She paused. "Yikes, I realized what I just said. I hope your town's insured."
Twilight winked. "In triplicate. Anyway, I've been studying your equipment." She held up Patricia's Siren Helmet. "Thanks for letting me, by the way."
No problem." Patricia ran a hand through her hair. "It gets hot in that thing."
Twilight stifled a giggle. "I noticed. A cleaning spell was the first thing I cast."
"L-look, you try fighting crime in hazardous areas filled with fires and monsters spike pits and see how nice you come out 'smellin! Don't know why the designers gave me sweat glands anyway."
Twilight stopped holding back, and laughed. "It's okay, Patty, I was just kidding. But seriously, I examined the switching mechanism in your helmet. Looks like it sends a signal somewhere -- I'm guessing it's your police headquarters -- and asks it to disable or enable some of your city's roads. Am I warm?
"Bubble bath," said Patricia. "Yeah, roads, machinery, bunches of stuff. So what'd you do?"
"Well, while I was down there, I zapped over a mare I know in the next town by the name of Gearloose, after asking if she and I could maybe put our heads together." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sadly she's way better at science than figures of speech. Once our headaches were past, we thought about what to do with this thing. You said you're nanotech, right?"
"Yeah." Patricia nodded. "Mostly."
"Well, we've temporarily enchanted your helmet. Whenever you activate your switching mechanism, the magic takes over and works with that tech to reconfigure your frame to equine design standards."
"Equine desi-..." Patricia froze and gaped. "You don't mean-"
Twilight smiled. "Let's say you'll be able to blend in here a little better." She gave Patricia the helmet. "Of course the only one who can, uh, test this, is you."
"Hmmm." Patricia gave the helmet a pensive stare, then placed it on her head. It smelled like soap. Just as well.
She concentrated -- the neural link worked the same as usual. The siren atop her head sounded and flashed, and just like always, the world stopped for a split-second. She briefly remembered finding it disorienting for a while when she first started using the apparatus, but over time she found that it actually helped navigation, so she requested it remain a feature.
"Huh," she said, not catching sight of Twilight's giddy grin just yet... nor the fact that their faces were now level to each other. "Well, I don't feel different or anything." She reached for her helmet. "Maybe something went wro-"
She fell forward, onto her face.
"-ow."
After much fidgeting, Patricia managed push herself back up to a standing position, and looked at herself. The first thing she noticed was that "standing" now involved four legs. "What the..."
Legs. And hooves. She tried to wiggle her fingers. She ended up curling a hoof instead.
"Hooooooly candlesticks. Full diagnostic. Yesterday."
Her heads-up display beeped once as it started, then a minute later beeped again when they were through. "Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. My diagnostics are detecting flight apparatus..." Patricia took stock of the wings on either side of her body and gave them a tentative flap. She rose -- and managed to hover via constant fluttering.
"Twilight," Patricia said in an excited, breathy voice, "what did you do to me and why am I not overcome with the urge to make you pay for it?"
"Well, it's hard to make a magical being when you've got technology to work with, so unicorn was out. Still, I thought you'd want some sort of tactical advantage. So I set the enchantment to reconfigure you into a pegasus. Are you... okay with that?"
Patricia didn't answer Twilight's question. She was too busy letting out boisterous squeals as her systems adjusted to the wings, configuring them for optimum flight capability. She was in the middle of saying as much out loud-
-when she crashed into a tree, and fell down the length of it. She landed hard on the ground, on her back.
Twilight walked over and stared down at her, holding in her laughter again. "'Optimum,' huh?"
"Optimum... within acceptable parameters..." Patricia uttered with swirling eyes, then got back up on her hooves. "Okay. This is good. Extra maneuverability is always good." A small compartment on the right side of her pony body opened up, and she took out her pistol. After a few seconds of fumbling, she dropped it. "Bit of a pain to use my gun with this, though."
"Hmm, wow, I didn't think of that," said Twilight. "We... don't have those sorts of weapons in Equestria."
"Kind of jealous. Don't worry, I've got an alternate arsenal that I think will do the trick." Her compartment opened back up, and she put the gun back inside. "Bang-up job, Princess. They usually don't make 'em as smart as you. Well, okay, smart's the wrong word. More like... geeky."
Twilight blushed. "Thanks." She found a nearby log and sat, looking up at the stars. It still seemed like just yesterday that using a balloon was her only option for getting close to them. "You know, one of the biggest things I was afraid of when I became a princess was that I wouldn't have time for this sort of thing anymore."
Patricia nodded. "You told me this royalty thing just happened to you, right?"
Twilight nodded. "And it was just so sudden. One minute I'm Princess Celestia's understudy, the next I'm sharing her title. I didn't know what to do. And there certainly weren't any how-to books on the subject. I was afraid I wouldn't measure up to the title, or the task. But worst of all, I..." she trailed off.
Patricia changed back into her humanoid form, and sat next to Twilight. "Hey. I just ran a check with my proximity sensors. It's just us for a mile. And even if you tell me some crazy secret, I'm going to be off-world soon anyway. So fire away. If you're comfortable with it, that is."
Twilight giggled. "No, it's nothing that sensitive." She sighed. "I was afraid being a princess would change who I am. When I look at our other Princesses... Celestia, Luna, Cadance... they're larger than life, Patty. About as tall as your humanoid form, sparkly, masters of their special talents, commanding of universal forces, experienced in ruling over hundreds of thousands of ponies... I'm anything but those things. I thought..." Twilight giggled. "No, it's too silly."
"Thought what?"
"Really, it's silly now. But for so long I thought being a princess meant you were... I don't know. Perfect. Sort of learned that wasn't the case the hard way, though. When I got my wings, it turned out I didn't instantly know everything there was about how to rule a kingdom. And then there was the coronation."
"Coronation, huh? What happened there?"
Twilight's giggles persisted. "Once I was crowned, I spread my wings, and started flying."
Patricia cocked her head. "...aaaaaand?"
"And then I, uh..." Twilight blushed again. "...found out I couldn't stop. The sky was lovely, but if I hadn't eventually flown by the Wonderbolts Academy and been plucked back down by Spitfire, I'd probably have flown around the world five times by now!" Twilight laughed. "Or collapsed trying."
Patricia scoffed. "Hey, at least you didn't crash like me."
"I kind of wish I had! I was sore for days! But yes, at least for the time being, it seems all I have to do is be myself."
"Always good advice," said Patricia. "And hey, you just helped establish a first contact for your planet. Not bad for an imperfect newbie princess."
"Sure, now all I need is my own domain. Maybe I can be ruling Princess of Ponyville. Tiniest queendom in Equestria." Twilight chuckled.
Patricia did as well before exhaling. "Yeah, I know a thing or two about imperfection." She folded her hands, looking at the ground. "Truth be told, the reason I'm here is just because of another one of my screw-ups. All this advanced tech I'm made of and I'm hardly the best on the force. I make tons of mistakes and I've heard talk more than once of replacing my emotional circuits so I'm a bit more.. obedient."
Twilight's eyebrows raised. "Obedient?"
"Yeah. Hey, I'm a bot. Totally can be done." Patricia sighed. "I really want to see this mission successful, though. I mean sure, it's part my fault she's here in the first place, but... ugh! That baby's loud and dumb and ugly and she gives me no end to grief. All of them do. So why do I care so much about the little snarker? Like, I don't even care anymore if the Chief has my head. I just want to see it safe."
Twilight smiled, her namesake sparkle in her eyes. "I suppose being made a girl robot doesn't help matters."
"What do you mean by that?"
Twilight took Patricia's hand in her hooves. "What I mean is, it's no wonder you care about preserving a life so much. It's... just wired into us, you know? Most of us are set up to create it someday. I'm wondering if maybe your designer knew more than she let on."
"Huh." Patricia looked at Twilight's hooves, then up at her. "I never thought about it like that. Can't argue against it, though."
"And if you're really worried about your mission that much... when this is over, I'll be happy to send you back with a report on your exemplary behavior in the line of duty. Provided we're successful, of course."
Patricia gasped. "Seriously?"
Twilight gave a confident nod. "Seriously."
"Thanks so much!" Patricia said, giving Twilight's hooves a squeeze. "Heh... wow. Royalty are supposed to be wise, right? Think you'll do just fine, Princess." She stood up. "Okay, I think I'm ready." Let's conserve our charges, then go get 'em tomorrow?"
Twilight giggled. "We call it 'sleep,' but I couldn't agree more."
Changeling Castle
Queen Chrysalis's Throne Room
(Housekeeper Wanted: Apply Within)
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall..."
"She still at it?" asked Pratchett.
"Still at it," said Sounder. "That silly speech and everything. I don't know where she got it from. And it's a standing mirror. There's no 'wall' anywhere near it!"
Chrysalis turned to face her lieutenants. "Now, now, you two. Tomorrow's a very big day, and I have to decide exactly which outfit I'm going to wear. It has to suit the occasion perfectly."
With a burst of magic, Chrysalis's form shifted from her normal changeling queen self to that of a white alicorn wearing golden jewelry, and looked at her reflection in the mirror before her. "No, no. Far too... pompous an appearance." She shifted to navy blue. "Gah, too moody. Not five seconds and I already feel like moping about how nopony understands me."
She changed to pink -- and the second she saw herself, she roared, barely managing to stop herself from reflexively shattering the mirror with one hoof. "That little... huh. I guess I'm still not completely over that weekend. Shrink's going to have a field day."
She reverted back to her normal self. "I suppose I'm just going to have to go with my original choice. Pratchett, Sounder, watch me, would you? I'd like to know if what you're about to see is any improvement."
Chrysalis concentrated, and a bright green light enveloped her. As the light pulsed up and down, the holes in her limbs filled themselves, and green fur grew over her frame. In the space of three minutes, her black, scaly form became a green and blemishless pony body which shone in the moonlight.
Chrysalis tossed her head, and a sparkling mane, made of green and black streaks which reached to floor length, revealed itself with a tail to match. She spread green wings, at the same time as a perfectly conical green horn replaced the normally jagged one atop her head.
Pratchett could only gape. Sounder's eyes were instantly replaced with hearts. Both stood on their back hooves and applauded. The applause was soon joined by over a hundred more changelings, who had wandered over during the transformation.
"Thank you, thank you," said Chrysalis. "You've been a most wonderful audience. From this night forward you may address me by the title I once held, which was unjustly taken away from me! You may address me... as Princess Chrysalis." She held up a hoof. "To the glory of the changeling hive, and the destruction of our enemies!"
The other changelings roared in approving response.
Princess Chrysalis turned back to her mirror, uttering one final sentence to her reflection.
"Surprise, surprise, Sparkle. It seems like everyone's getting their wings these days."
