The Club

As she ran to reach the café in time, Twilight Sparkle couldn't dismiss thoughts of what she had just been doing at the library; it was so unlike her, and yet she wanted more. She wanted to know who had sent the package to her, why they suspected (correctly as it were) that she would enjoy it's contents and what their intentions were. Could it possibly be that one of her closest friends had sent this to her? If so, did that mean she wanted a more intimate relationship with Twilight?

I don't know what's more distressing, the idea that one of my best friends could have these kinds of feelings for me and I've never noticed, or the idea that someone I don't know well – maybe even a complete stranger – may have sent me that toy.

As she considered a number of scenarios, some less pleasant than others, Twilight decided that she needed to determine who among her friends might have sent her the gift, lest she ask the wrong kind of question to the wrong pony. Only that wasn't easy to do; Twilight hadn't ever discussed sex with her friends at any length and had no idea which of them might have an interest in her or high-end sex toys. The note that came with the package was very impersonally written, most likely to avoid giving away the writer's identity in case she hadn't liked or found the gift funny. Was giving the present in such an indirect way, with such a vague note attached, a sign that her shyest friend, Fluttershy, was behind it? Could the magical nature of the toy indicate that Rarity – her only close unicorn friend – had selected the toy, or would any of her friends have picked out such a toy due to Twilight's own affinity for magic? It was hard to imagine a prim and proper mare like Rarity, or such an honest and straightforward pony like Applejack could have done this. Fluttershy seemed too demure, and Rainbow Dash was much too bold to hide behind these mysterious tactics. Pinkie…

I have no idea whether or not Pinkie Pie would do this, Twilight realized. She's so unpredictable, but she loves giving gifts and setting up surprises. She also likes mysteries and playing games and making ponies laugh.

The more Twilight thought about it, the more it seemed that Pinkie was most likely to do this sort of thing. She thought about it as she sat at the table outside the café, not realizing she had gotten there or that Pinkie had just sat across from her.

“Watcha thinkin' so hard about?”

“I'm trying to decide whether or not you might have sent me a present without signing it.”

“Oh. Do you wanna know what I think?”

“Sure,” Twilight said, just before it hit her who she was talking to. “Ah, Pinkie!”

“I'm pretty sure I won't have sent you any secret gifts until your birthday rolls around. Or Hearth's Warming. Maybe Hearts and Hooves if I found out you didn't have a special somepony to spend it with and needed cheering up.”

“So uh, you haven't sent me anything?”

“Nope. Were you expecting me to?”

“Er, no. I got a gift, but I don't know who it's from.”

*GASP* “Is it your birthday already?!” Pinkie exclaimed, suddenly wearing a party hat and holding a cake with a hastily scrawled Happy Birthday in purple frosting on top.

“No, Pinkie,” Twilight chuckled as she removed the party hat she hadn't noticed she was wearing until seeing the one on her friends head.

“Oh,” the pink mare responded as she looked despondently at the cake she was holding.

“We can still have cake.”

“So who could have sent it?” Pinkie wondered aloud as she served Twilight a piece of cake and a party favor that seemingly came out of thin air. “And what is it? A book?”

Twilight took a bite of cake to buy herself a moment. She wasn't sure what to say. On the one hoof, if she had been a bit more open with her friends about this sort of thing she might have some idea which – if any of them – had sent her the toy. On the other hoof, she had no idea what Pinkie Pie thought about this kind of thing and didn't want to offend or freak her out.

“Um, it's kind of personal.”

Pinkie's face fell for a moment before shifting to an expression of interest and then a conspiratorial look, as though she knew something and found it funny not to say. “Is it… romantic?”

Twilight honestly didn't know if there was any romantic intention behind the stallion shaped synthetic appendage. “Er… ”

“Or maybe it's just naughty!” *Giggle-snort*

Twilight could feel her face grow hot. “Pinkie! Did you send me that – that toy – or not?!” she demanded, dropping her voice to avoid being overheard.

Pinkie giggled again. “Nooooo~♪ But I think I know who did! Heeheehee!”

Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Pinkie, tell me what you know. Be serious.”

“Don't worry Twi, I don't know what exactly it is and I didn't know about this before, but it makes sense!”

“What do you mean?”

“How about just a hint? Which of our friends would use the word 'boudoir' instead of bedroom when talking about this kind of thing?”

Twilight stood in front of Carousel Boutique, certain that she had correctly interpreted Pinkie's clue. Even so, she found herself hesitating. It had been easy enough to talk to Pinkie Pie; the bouncy earth pony hadn't really given her a choice. Broaching the subject with Rarity seemed much more daunting. In spite of what Pinkie had said, Twilight was determined to carefully find out if Rarity had actually given her the package before discussing its contents. Steeling herself, she knocked on the door.

“Do come in! We're open for business, darlings!” came the fashionista's response.

Twilight let herself in, ringing the bell above the shop's door as she did so. She heard, “I'll be right with you,” come from the back room where Rarity kept her stock that was not on display. Slowly, she approached the counter, glancing around at the spring line Rarity had recently finished, without really seeing any of the clothes. Standing by the counter, Twilight felt almost as nervous as she did before a test. Almost.

“Terribly sorry for the wait,” Rarity said as she entered the room. “Twilight! I'm delighted to see you. Where were you this morning, dear?”

Twilight had actually forgotten the missed spa appointment. “When I arrived in town, Mayor Mare wanted to see me right away. I guess she's excited for the opportunity to discuss local politics with a princess.”

“Ugh,” Rarity responded with indignation on Twilight's behalf, “what jackals, descending upon you the moment you arrived. You should have been given a warm reception and a chance to relax from the trip, not extra work to consider. I'll make it up to you; we'll go to the spa right now. I could always do with another hoof scrub.”

“Actually, I need to ask you something,” Twilight said, knowing she needed to address this soon while they still had privacy. “Have you, um, sent me a package just recently?”

“Why? Did you receive something without a note or a return address?”

“Well, it did have a note, but it didn't say who it was from.”

“Hmm, interesting. Why did you think of me?” Rarity asked as she moved towards the back of the shop.

Twilight began to feel flustered again. Had Pinkie been wrong? Was it a joke? Was Rarity being coy? Twilight followed her friend, too absorbed in her queries to consider where they were headed. “Pinkie said she thought it was from you when I asked her about it.”

“Pinkie?” Rarity asked as she headed up the stairs. “Did she say why she thought it was from me? What did you tell her about the package?”

Again, Twilight was unsure how much to say. Pinkie hadn't specifically said it was Rarity, and when Twilight pressed for more information, Pinkie refused to say anything else. As they reached the landing and stood outside the door to Rarity's bedroom, Twilight finally responded, “Pinkie didn't explain. I told her about the note and… she guessed at what the contents of the package were.”

“You're being rather indirect,” Rarity said as she beckoned Twilight into her room, “but then again, so am I.”

It suddenly occurred to Twilight that she was standing in Rarity's “boudoir” and her heart began to beat a little harder. “Uh, why did we come up here?”

“Why – to speak privately, of course. Did you appreciate it?”

“W-what?”

“My gift, darling, did you appreciate it? Or have you not tried it on just yet?”

“Er, just to be clear… you're not talking about clothes, are you?”

“No,” Rarity said as she approached Twilight. “I'm talking about something that came in a deep, regal purple and has your cutie mark stamped on it.” Then she whispered in Twilight's ear, “You wouldn't have come calling if you hadn't liked it. I'll bet you just couldn't help yourself. How many times did you finish?”

Twilight's whole body shook and she stepped back. Rarity looked at her with a nearly predatory gleam in her eye. “Come now, darling, don't be embarrassed. I have a whole new world to show you; things you've never dreamed- ” The bell above the shop door rang.

“No. No! This spoils everything.” Rarity started to pout, but then seemed overcome with inspiration. “Just a moment, Twilight.”

The dressmaker went to her door and stepped out onto the landing where she called down to her unexpected customers, letting them know she'd be down momentarily. Then she closed the door back and came up to Twilight again.

“We simply haven't any time, but I must know for certain, right now. Did you appreciate my gift?”

“Yes,” Twilight managed weakly.

“Why?”

Twilight considered for a moment, regaining some of her composure. “It offers new opportunities for self stim– er, self exploration.”

Rarity smiled knowingly. “Alright, I wanted to do this with you, but you don't need me to hold your hoof.” Rarity levitated a piece of parchment and a quill from her desk and began writing directions in her elegant scrawl. “If you want to – how to put it delicately – to explore a bit further, please go here. Tell them that, heh, tell them Elusive sent you.”

Twilight accepted the note and glanced it over, discovering it pointed to a shop somewhere near the marketplace in Ponyville. That can't be right, I'd have seen such a shop.

“One last thing,” Rarity said as she ushered her friend out. “It may not be the sort of place a princess of Equestria wants to be seen doing her shopping.”

Twilight found herself standing in an alley she had never noticed before, looking at a small building nestled between two larger shops that faced out onto the main road, wearing a flamboyantly red dress that comfortably hid her wings and cutie mark. She had also tied her mane into a ponytail and worn a large pair of sunglasses she acquired in Canterlot recently. It was a good thing Rarity had warned her; the building had the unmistakable look of seediness, like a dive bar. On the bright side, if anypony had seen her walking through town, even if they had recognized her, Twilight felt reasonably certain that nopony would notice her enter this shop.

After all, the only way somepony could see me without walking into the alley is if they were flying directly overhead.

Twilight had no sooner had this reassuring thought than Rainbow Dash settled down on the cobblestone beside her.

“Twilight! What's the big idea coming back to Ponyville and not coming to see me all day?”

Twilight didn't know what had happened until she heard Rainbow Dash laughing. They were both inside the store standing next to a display of dildos that came in various sizes, shapes and colors.

“Wow, Twilight, I didn't expect you to take me shopping for this kind of thing, but maybe it could be fun,” Rainbow said picking up a large, floppy jelly dick and wiggling it in Twilight's face.

“I panicked! I didn't want anyone to see me come in here – and would you put that down!”

“Wait… so you admit you were headed in here? I didn't think you were a dirty filly, Twi, but it's always the one's you least suspect, huh?”

“This was an awful mistake,” Twilight whimpered as she turned to leave.

Rainbow Dash flitted into her path, blocking the door. “Whoa now, don't get all worked up! I'm just teasing. 'Sides, every mare's got one or two, right? C'mon, maybe this really can be fun.”

Before Twilight could protest, she was already being pushed further into the shop. She decided to just go with it, besides this was her chance to actually talk about sex with a friend and not have to worry about it being awkward. At least not anymore than it already was. As they browsed an aisle with less ridiculous toys than the brazen window display, Twilight learned that Rainbow hadn't gotten a proper toy since she came to Ponyville, didn't know this shop was here and had actually figured out how to make temporary toys from clouds. After a couple minutes, Twilight came to a section with toys for males. She wondered if this was what Rarity had in mind when she recommended the store.

I'm still not sure how to feel about that, the look she gave me was almost frightening. Although, I can't deny I want to try some new things on my own at least.

Resolving to enjoy the gift and not worry about how her relationship with Rarity might be changing until later, Twilight began to consider the various devices in front of her. There were sleeves of course and small dildos designed for hitting prostates that she wouldn't really benefit from and an eclectic collection of other things.

“Pffft, haha! Twi, I don't think you got the equipment for any of the stuff you're looking at!” Rainbow laughed as she noticed what her friend was looking at.

“Er, no! Of course not; it's not for me. I don't have a – I mean I'm not a stallion.”

“Well, duh,” Dash replied, rolling her eyes. Then she briefly looked shocked before smiling giddily. “Whoa-hoa! Does our resident bookworm royalty have a special somepony?”

“Dash!” Twilight hissed, not wanted to risk anyone noticing her.

“You do! You totally do, and you're already getting stuff for when you two get biz-zay! Who is he? He's not some stuck-up type from Canterlot is he?”

“I'm from Canterlot, and you've got the wrong idea.”

“Sure I do. Twilight… you know our friends are gonna find out sooner or later. I just wanna know first!”

Twilight had no idea how to correct Rainbow without saying something really uncomfortable. All she really wanted was for her friend to stop pestering her about it. That, and to not go telling anyone that she had a coltfriend.

“Please just drop it. If anything happens, you'll be the first to know.”

“Ugh, fine. What were you planning on getting him anyway?”

Twilight took another look at the shelves and selected the box that most intrigued her. Before she could say anything about why she had chosen a beginners sounding kit, Rainbow put the box back for her.

“I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and guess he didn't specifically tell you to shove something up his dick. Unless he did, he probably won't like that.”

“Well what do you think I should get?”

“I don't know, I've never had a coltfriend who liked using toys while he had me. Woulda just distracted from how awesome I am. In bed!” she added with a flair of her wings and sudden backward thrust of her hips. “Let's just ask someone who works here.”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash returned to the front of the store and came up to the counter by the door. The mare working there was reading a magazine, but quickly set it aside as they approached. Twilight couldn't help noticing the black piercings in her nose and lower lip; she normally would have thought this made somepony seem immature or off-putting, but somehow they complimented the clerk's light gray coat and burnt umber mane. Twilight was looking into the mare's deep sea green eyes when Dash nudged her side.

“Ow! What?”

“She asked if we needed help.”

“Oh,” Twilight blushed as she turned back to the clerk, “yes. Could you, ah, recommend a toy for a… well, a stallion.”

“Sure!” she responded with chipper enthusiasm. “I know just the thing. This way.”

As she followed, Twilight wondered why she had gotten so caught up in the clerk's appearance. I can't shake this weird feeling I know her from somewhere. Maybe the situation with Rarity has me feeling paranoid. Or am I just over-thinking this?

After a moment they came to a large glass case near the back of the shop, which the salesmare proceeded to unlock. “This is absolutely the best we've got. Real top-of-the-line stuff. Oh, I forgot – what's your budget like?”

Twilight realized she had no idea how much toys for stallions cost, let alone 'top-of-the-line.' “Um, I hadn't really – I mean I wasn't taking money into account…”

“Oh, good!” the clerk said as she pulled a large box from the case and relocked it. Before Twilight could clarify, the mare began to describe the selling features – “lube is hoof-pumped into the case and soaks through the porous thermal plastic, creating a very realistic feel –” and maintenance – “be sure to wash the inside after use and occasionally dust it lightly with cornstarch; you can remove the case and turn it inside out, it's really stretchy –” as she returned to the counter. “Is there anything else, before I ring you up?”

Twilight sighed as she resigned herself to the dent this was likely to put in her coin purse. “No, that will – oh, wait. I just remembered, my friend, Rar– er, Elusive, sent me here. She said I should mention her.”

“OH!” the salesmare exclaimed, “you should have said something sooner, hon! We'll get you squared away in a jiffy, hang on.”

As she kneeled down to pull a form out from underneath the counter, Rainbow Dash nudged Twilight again. “Elusive? Is that supposed to be some kinda code name? You're talking about Rarity, right?”

“SSH!” the clerk hissed as she set the form on the counter. “We don't use members' names. For discretion.”

Twilight looked at the form in front of her. It appeared to be a registration form for something simply called “The Club.” In block letters it proudly proclaimed: “Dedication to satisfying the private needs of ponies, privately.” It also, declared discounts for members were available at the “Glory Hole in the Wall,” which Twilight could only assume was the name of the sex shop. (That certainly explains why the name isn't advertised on the store front.) Below that it asked for a name, pseudonym, age, gender, and place of residence. There was also a check-box for a newsletter and one for “Letters from Members.”

It seems odd that Rarity would join a mailing list just for cheaper sex toys from such a seedy place, let alone send me here. In fact, it's downright suspicious.

The bell over the door rang and the salesmare excused herself to tend to the other customer, giving Twilight a moment to deliberate over whether or not to sign up. “Does anything about this seem off to you, Rainbow?”

“I'm a little more focused on how many of my friends shop here without telling me.”

“Well, I've only been here this one time-”

“No, I mean Pinkie just-”

“SSH!” the mare working at the shop hissed again.

Twilight turned to see Pinkie bounce up to the counter and set a list down before turning to greet her friends. “Sorry Dashie, you'll have to call me Cherry-Berry Crumble, or just Berry for short.”

“Hang on a moment,” Twilight managed, confused and flustered, “you and Rarity both-”

“SSH! Sush. C'mon,” the mare behind the counter admonished. “It may just be a courtesy when everypony involved knows each other, but it's still an important one!”

“Sorry.”

“SO,” Pinkie resumed as she giggled, “pick a name yet? I don't wanna get shushed!”

“No, I'm not sure I even want to join-”

“Oh, but it will be so much fun! There's more to it than just discounts. Speaking of, will everything on my list for Friday fit on my tab, Play Date?”

The clerk, evidently named Play Date, looked over the list. “It's… a lot of stuff, Ms. Crumble. Are you still giving away favors to all of your guests?”

“You know it! It's OK, right? Parties are members only.”

*sigh* “You've always paid me back before.” She then turned to Twilight, “Do you need a minute to decide on joining?”

“Yes, please.”

Play Date nodded and went about gathering various toys and supplies from the list.

Now that they were alone, Twilight began to question her bubbly friend. “I'm starting to get really frustrated. What is going on and why didn't you tell me about this? You had to have known when I spoke to you earlier that Rarity was planning this.”

“Yeppers! Elusive asked me to go ahead and do my shopping today, in case you didn't know if you wanted to sign up or not. It's lucky I didn't get here later.”

Twilight began to say something about being left out of the loop, but Pinkie cut her off. “I can't really say much right now, Twiley. The Club is really strict about being exclusive, but it isn't just toys and sex stuff. It's a big group with lots of ponies all over Equestria. We have parties and competitions and there are a buncha different businesses and places that cater to the Club, specially. I wish I could tell you all about it, but you gotta be a member first.”

Twilight considered this for a moment, “Is it… mostly sex?”

“Some ponies see it that way.”

“Are any of our other friends part of this?”

“I can't say. You could ask them, but they might not wanna say if they are.”

Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. “Don't look at me, this is totally out of left field.”

Twilight thought about it for another moment, took a deep breath, and signed her name on the form. She hastily filled in each field, trying not to let her anxiousness set in. The last thing left was to pick a false name. “Hmm… ”

“Most members pick something androgynous sounding,” Pinkie offered. “Sometimes it's a play on their actual name.”

Like Elusive, thought Twilight. She scribbled down the first thing that sounded right when she said it in her head: Evening Star. “Or Eve, for short,” Twilight mumbled.

Pinkie clapped her hooves in approval as Play Date returned. “I'm going to have to order a few of these things special, Ms. Crumble. When can I expect your payment?”

“I'll pay when I pick everything up on Friday.”

Play Date turned to Twilight, “Ooh! We have our newest member, Ms… ” Play Date's jaw dropped as she read Twilight's actual name, but she quickly regained her composure and finished. “Ms. Star, it's a pleasure. I'll just ring up your purchase and you're good to go.”

“Thank you,” Twilight replied as she levitated her purse out of her saddlebag.

“Alright, after discount it comes to… 360 bits.”

“I'm sorry, I thought you said three hundred and sixty…?”

As the three friends made their way towards the library by the light of the setting sun, Twilight couldn't imagine why Pinkie was as happy and chipper as she was. Twilight also couldn't imagine how she would be able to afford anything for weeks. Why didn't I just get something else? Why?!

“Aw, cheer up, Evey,” Pinkie chimed in as Twilight grumbled again. “I spent way more than that. Or I will have had spent way more than that on Friday.”

“Will have had? Pinkie, I don't think that's right.”

“I'll had to have?”

“What? No, you will. You just will spend more.”

“But it's already on my tab. Plus, Play Date had to order some stuff just for me. There's no way she'll let me not pay. So I already have to. So I have to in the past sense. I have had to have to.”

“I don't… ” Twilight trailed off.

“At least you're not still thinking about all the money you spent,” Rainbow pointed out.

“Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Oh, we're here.”

“OOH-OOH!” Pinkie exclaimed, hopping on the spot. “I wanna know what Rarity got you! Can I come in?”

“Rare got you something?” Rainbow asked. “Like, something sexy?”

“She'd probably say 'risqué.'” Pinkie noted, and she and Rainbow began to laugh.

Twilight opened the door and turned on the threshold to look at her friends from the doorway. “I'm kind of tired, actually. Maybe another time.”

“Gonna head straight to bed, huh?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm just, uh… what are you smirking at?”

“Need to let off some steam, huh?”

“Dash.”

“Gonna get some use out of Rarity's gift?”

“NO!”

“Then why not let us hang out a bit?”

“Fine! Come on in!” Twilight shouted as she headed in, leaving the door ajar. “I'll make some tea. Then we can sit around and show off each others se-aaah, uh…”

“What?” Spike asked as Twilight gawked at him.

She looked at her friends, who were just poorly stifling laughter over Twilight's gaffe. “Yeah, Twi, what were you saying?” Rainbow managed between snickering.

“Never mind, Spike,” Twilight said with authority. “We'll be upstairs.” Before anyone could say anything else, Twilight promptly teleported herself and her two friends to the second story loft. “I hope you're both having a great time at my expense.”

“Aw, Twilight,” Pinkie replied soothingly, “don't be upset. We just want to have a little fun. You never open up about this sort of stuff.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow agreed. “I've even had Fluttershy tell me about her first time. Turns out she's way more assertive behind closed doors.”

Twilight regarded her friends critically as she considered the situation. Rainbow Dash had been very forthcoming and encouraging, sharing her own experiences with self made toys and accompanying Twilight in the sex shop. Pinkie, on the other hoof…

“Alright,” Twilight conceded with more mirth in her voice than she meant to let show, “I'll let you guys stay and see what Rarity got for me. We'll even talk about my sexual experiences, not that there's really much to say. However, Pinkie Pie…”

“Yes?”

“No more being coy. I want to hear all about this club.”

Pinkie giggled with excitement. “Of course, silly! Now that you're in, I can tell you all about it. But, where to start?! So, like I was saying earlier, ponies all over Equestria, from Las Pegasus to Manehattan, are members of the Club. Privacy is super-duper important, you can't go around talking about the Club or what members do when they get together. Don't let that scare you, though, being a member is really fun! Most of the parties and stuff tend to be sexual, but maybe not with actual sex going on, and sometimes members get together for stuff that doesn't have to do with sex at all, but even then they won't usually worry about talking about sex and other things you don't usually talk about in public since you're with other members, so it's fine, y'know?”

“Okay, I understand that much already. How does such a large club stay secret? How long has this been going on? Is there a headquarters or local chapters or some other kind of hierarchy?”

“Hmm, I don't really know how long the Club's been around. Rarity and I have have been members for a little more than a year now; we kind of alternate hosting parties, but we each have our own house rules. I guess the Club stays secret just 'cause the members don't tell anyone, and how else would anyone know to ask, right? I guess we're kind of–”

“Hang on a second, house rules?”

“Oh, whoops! I'm getting ahead of myself. The Club has some rules everyone has to follow. 'Don't tell non-members. Don't ask personal questions unless offered. Always use Club names at Club functions.' OH! And there's a really, really big one: 'Never, ever out a member.' Anypony who outs somepony will be kicked out and outed by the rest of the Club. That's a big deal, lots of ponies have funny ideas about what's appropriate and they'll hold somepony's private life against them.”

“So, house rules are just rules a host enforces on top of the general rules?”

“You got it!”

“So, who's in charge?”

“Whoever's the host, duh!”

“No, I mean, who came up with the general rules, who started the whole thing? How does the club enforce its rules?”

“O~oh,” Pinkie oohed with comprehension. “Nopony knows.”

Twilight just looked at Pinkie, expecting her to continue. After a moment, she asked, “What do you mean, 'nopony knows?' Somepony has to know.”

“Well, I'm sure somepony knows who made the rules, but nopony knows who that pony is either. The Club kinda just handles itself, members look after each other and deal with rule-breakers on their own, and when new members join and such, the local record keeper keeps a record and sends it to the others so Club members get to take part wherever they go.”

“Well, who's the Ponyville registrar?”

“Play Date!”

“The pony working at the seedy sex shop?” Twilight asked sounding thoroughly irritated.

*Giggle* “She doesn't just work there, silly. She owns the place and designs new toys. She's also a lot of fun at parties!”

“I'll bet,” Twilight grumbled before having a helpful idea. “Will she be at your party?”

“She's invited. So's Rarity. You should totally come too! There will be fun games like pin the tail on the donkey, only it's a dildo instead of a tail and party goers volunteer to be the donkey. Ooh-OOH and Twister, but you get to play with the other players while you're playing with them to try and make them go weak in the knees and fall down. OH! And ponyatas! It's like a piñata except, the piñata is the one wearing the blindfold and the players aren't swinging a bat; they're taking turns trying to make the piñata come!”

“Why would anypony want to be tied up and hung from the ceiling?!”

“They aren't tied up, silly, they're in a suspension set. It's like a swing set, only instead of a seat, it's a buck harness, and–”

“OOOkay, I don't really need to hear anymore,” Twilight interrupted as she cast a glance at Rainbow Dash, who seemed equally disconcerted.

“Yay! Now you'll show off your new toys!”

Twilight felt herself starting to blush a little. She was nervous, embarrassed and more than a little excited, (which was sort of unnerving in itself,) but she had promised. After a moments hesitation, she telekinetically pulled the box containing her vibrator and the strap-on Rarity had sent her from underneath her bed. She set the box and the bag holding her new purchase beside each other at the foot of bed and carefully laid out their contents on the bedspread.

“Well, you both saw what I bought earlier–”

“But you haven't opened it yet!”

“True,” Twilight conceded as she unboxed the marehood simulacrum for her friends to see before moving on. “Anyway, this is just a personal massager I've had for a while, and this is what Rarity got me.”

Pinkie could hardly suppress her giggles. “Oh boy! *snicker* That's a doozy! *titter* It totally suits you! I wonder why Rarity got you something like that. Heehee, she must want to share toys with you!”

Twilight began to feel her stomach knot up. She'd been trying not to think about Rarity's motivation, but now that she was, she didn't know if she liked the obvious implications or not. “I hadn't really thought about it. I don't know what to think about it.”

“Aw, don't worry. Rarity's just like a kid in a toy store whenever she's, well, in a toy store. She collects the really expensive kind of toys and likes to show off. This was just her way off getting your attention. So, where are the straps? I wanna see you try it on!”

“Uh, I'd rather not right now.”

“Aw c'mon, it doesn't have to go in. Can't you put it on for a minute, just so I can see how real it looks on you?”

“Actually, it has to go in. Not just for comfort, it stays in place with a spell.”

“Neat! What else does it do?”

Twilight knew her face had to be bright red by now. “It feels... really, uh, real.”

Pinkie giggled again before giving Twilight a knowing look and saying: “I bet it does, but what else does it do with magic?”

“Erm, that's what I meant. It uses a complex set of illusions and transfiguring magic to seem completely real. Even to, heh, to the w-wearer.”

Pinkie cocked her head and opened her mouth to ask something, but before she could Rainbow suddenly interjected, “WOAH, that toy was for you! You do have a dick – well kind of have a dick!”

Pinkie gasped, wide-eyed.

Seeing how shocked her friends were, Twilight began to hastily try to think of some kind of explanation or excuse. However, Pinkie wasn't even thinking about Twilight at this point.

“Oh. My. Celestia! Dashie!”

“What?!” the cyan pegasus asked turning an even paler blue for a moment as Pinkie shoved her face right up against Dash's.

“No. No-nononono! I forgot you were even here. You can't – I just, but Twilight! And the Club, and-and…” the party pony trailed off as though she were deflating.

Rainbow cast a look at Twilight, nonplussed, but Twilight understood immediately.

“You told me all of these secrets right in front of Rainbow Dash. Are you going to be in-”

“So much trouble! They'll never let me come to another Club party! No way I'll get to throw another one! Everyone is gonna be so mad!” Pinkie was practically sobbing at this point. “Please! Don't tell anyone I said anything! Dash!” Pinkie threw herself on the floor and wrapped her forelegs around Rainbow's. “Dashie! You're my friend! I bet you'd love to be in the Club, too!”

Rainbow extracted her hooves from Pinkie's grip and began to back away towards the door. “Uh, I don't think it's really my speed…”

“No! You've just got to! It'll be fun, I promise!” Pinkie eagerly assured while following Rainbow Dash.

“We'll talk about it later, Pinkie!” Rainbow claimed as she began to pick up the pace on her way out the door. “I have to, uh, do something… for the weather tomorrow morning, yeah! Put it off all day, need to do it before tomorrow!”

“Wait! I'll help! I'll do whatever you ask! I'll be your slave for a week – for a month! Dashie~!”

Twilight could only stare after her friends as they raced down the stairs and out into the night, leaving the door swinging in the gentle evening breeze. What have I gotten myself into, she thought, maybe Dash has the right idea.

As she pondered her predicament, Spike came from the kitchen and closed the door. Looking up at Twilight on the landing, with evident confusion on his face, he could only ask: “What happened?”

“It's… been a long, strange day. I'll tell you about it in the morning.”