The Story of Pinkamena Diane Pie
My story begins with my Filly-hood.
As you know, when I was younger, my parents died. Me and my two sisters were left with nowhere to go. I already had my cutiemark, but my sisters hadn't gotten theirs.
We traveled all across Equestria, searching for Family. At some point, we found my grandmother, but she couldn't take us in. Little did I know, she was going to take in my sisters, she just didn't want me.
We left her house, travelling all the way from Manehatten to Ponyville. About three fourths of the way there, my sisters had disappeared. I searched all over for them, but I couldn't find them. I continued on my way to Ponyville, and when I arrived I found I had an Uncle and Aunt living there. The Cakes.
I sent a letter to Grandmother immediately to let her know that I had made it safely, but my sisters were lost. Soon after sending the letter, I got a response.
In the letter was 500 bits, a picture, and a short note. It said,
Your sisters are here with me. Enclosed in this letter is 500 bits and a picture of us.
I sat there for a moment, letting the news sink in. My sister's had left me here all alone? With a family I hardly knew?
The Cakes allowed me to stay with them for as long as I needed. I stayed there from my filly-hood up until now.
They had me help do all kinds of things, like get eggs from some shy little pony named Fluttershy. They had me check the weather with a pegasus named Rainbowdash, and finally they had me ask a quite stuck up pony about Icing. They said she's very into fashion and making things look good, so they wanted me to learn from a master.
Honestly, this wasn't my forte. I didn't love going from pony to pony gathering things and learning from them. I just wanted to make the cupcakes!
So finally they let me. I had gained their trust, so they let me have a cookbook with all the family recipes. The only recipe I still can't find is MMMM.
So my life was going good for now! That is, until I tasted my cupcake. It was amazing. Too amazing. I didn't know what the Cakes would do if they found out I was a better cook than them.
So I hid the cupcakes and told them that I ate them all.
During this time, everything was building up. My parents were dead, my sisters had abandoned me. I didn't know what the Cakes thought of me. I had no friends, not a single one in the entire world.
So I decided to make some. I started with a flour sack. I named her Madame Le Flour. I spoke with her quite often.
The usual bounce in my hair was slowly deflating each day.
I later made a few new friends, Rocky, and Sir Lintsalot. I made one more, but he kept on getting old and moldy, so I had to replace him like every week. He was Mr. Turnip.
My hair had finally lost all inflation, going back to my straight, silky hair.
I did everything un-inspired. I cried quite often, and most of the time I didn't know why I was crying. I had to make friends that were living.
So I did. I found a pony named Clovers, and I befriended her, thinking it would bring me good luck.
One day, while sitting in my room, I threw a mixture of items into a cauldron. I let it simmer for a little, and then I tasted it. It was okay, I guess. But after about thirty seconds, I passed out. It was a whole day before I awoke.
I had made Tranquilizer! What could I do with this...? I thought about my friend Clover, and how I could make my cupcakes better...
I put some of my tranquilizer into a cupcake, and invited her to Sugar Cube Corner, where I lived.
She arrived quickly, and ate the cupcake right up.
When she awoke, she was tied to a post. The only tool I had to do anything was my Cake Knife, and my Silver Spoon. Not the filly, an actual silver spoon.
She stared at me, in awe, I guess. It took her awhile to get her surroundings, but when she finally did, she was horrified.
I had hung a banner that said, Life is a Party, over the fireplace. On the table next to her I had an empty platter, and empty plates. She began to sob, but I stopped that quickly.
I used my Cake Knife to cut out her tongue. We couldn't have her screaming now could we?
I slowly cut her into small pieces, just small enough that you wouldn't notice it in a cupcake or a cake.
She died rather quickly, probably the quickest of all of them.
Everything was going well, until I realized I had a body on my hands. What was I going to do with it? Oh! I know! I'll just cook it.
I was going to be eating ponyfilled cupcakes, why not eat a pony itself.
I cooked her for a couple of hours, and then ate her. It was pretty good.
But the cupcakes! They were even better than my last batch, if that was possible! The whole town was lining up to buy them, but I only had one batch. I had to make more, but with who...